A/N: Friends, this is sad.
But I had a really fun time writing it. Idea credit to a youtube comment (Thank you, friend, for giving me this, lol) on a deleted song from "The lightning Thief" musical called "Take the weight." It's an amazing song, go give it a listen. Here is a nice and easy link for you!
watch?v=bi36WxYtFx0
I hope you enjoy this story!
Disclaimer: I do not own Heroes of Olympus or PJO
They stood at the rail of the ship for a long time.
It had been hours since either one of them had spoken a word. Since Percy's declaration to the stars on Bob's behalf, talking at all seemed a monumental task. They technically were supposed to be keeping watch, but were failing dismally. And yeah, their friends knew it.
It was an unspoken message between the two of them and the rest of the demigods on the ship that they were not ready to sleep.
That they couldn't sleep.
The others initially protested, and Piper had looked at her sternly when Annabeth had offered to keep watch with Percy.
"You just came back from Tartarus," Hazel had said earnestly. "You need some rest."
"Agreed," Leo added. "No offense, but you guys look like death incarnate."
"Thanks," Percy grumbled.
"We'll be fine," Annabeth had said, squeezing Percy's hand and meeting Piper's eyes. "Really." The daughter of Aphrodite had studied her carefully, and something in Annabeth's eyes must have shown, because Piper relented, leaning back slightly in her seat.
"If they think they can handle it," she said, "Then let them." She glanced at Jason and Frank, who both sighed.
"Fine," Jason had said sternly, "but only after the two of you get yourselves cleaned up."
And despite the anxiety at letting one another out of their sights, they had reluctantly agreed. Piper had grabbed them some clothes and sent them on their way to the showers. After getting cleaned up, the two of them had met on the bow of the ship, and they'd been there ever since. They didn't speak much. Honestly, Annabeth wasn't sure she had energy to do so in the first place. So instead they stared up at the twinkling sky, taking in the constellations they hadn't seen in weeks.
She loved the stars.
The thought makes her sick, now, because stars were the last thing Bob had talked about before the doors closed.
It was the last thing Zoe had talked about too.
I can see the stars again, my lady.
Annabeth's chest tightened at the memory, and she looked down at the rippling water below, unable to take the glittering sky any longer. So many of her friends were gone. Silena, Beckendorf, Michael Yew, Zoe, Luke. And now Bob and Damasen. None of them would ever see the stars again.
If Annabeth cared about anything, fairness was up there in order of importance. And this didn't seem fair to her. How long was the list of the dead going to become? How many more friends would she outlive? How many people would have to die for her to live? She closed her eyes and leaned forward on the rail, trying to shove the thoughts away, and she felt Percy tighten his arm around her.
"Hey," he said softly, "Are you okay? Are you– are you ready to sleep?"
And there was the question. There was the reason they had volunteered to keep watch, even though she and Percy, out of all of them, needed the most sleep. She'd been jumpy all day, and the idea of slipping away into the vulnerable state of sleep caused a wave of anxiety that she hadn't felt in years. Not to mention she would be away from Percy, and she hated the thought of leaving him alone. It gave her a sick feeling in her stomach, the idea of leaving his side after the ordeal they'd just gone through.
But she couldn't shut down. There was still work to be done. And she needed to prove her competency.
So she looked at Percy and spoke for the first time in over an hour.
"I'm fine," she managed to say. Her voice was low and choked from lack of use, and she righted herself, meeting her boyfriend's eyes. "I just-" she broke off abruptly as she fully registered how utterly exhausted he looked. His eyes, so usually bright and full of mirth, were darker, more muted, and he looked like he could drop right now. It's your fault, a voice in her head said. He's different and broken like you, and it's all your fault.
A lump rose in her throat, guilt eating at her, tearing at her insides, and before tears came, she hugged him tightly. "We made it out," she said abruptly. She felt Percy stiffen for a brief moment, but then he wrapped his arms around her tightly, holding her close to him. Annabeth breathed in his scent, relished the cool breeze on her face, and gods, she was just so glad to be out of the nightmare that had been Tartarus. But then the thought came again, repeating in her head over and over– your fault, your fault, your fault, your-
"We did," Percy replied. Then there was a pause. "It's going to be okay," he continued softly.
Annabeth wished she could believe it.
Luke and Thalia had told her the same thing years ago, that they'd be okay, that they'd make it to camp and that they would always be family. Now Luke was dead and Thalia was lieutenant of Artemis, who was incapacitated with the cultural divide between Greeks and Romans.
Percy had told her it would be okay, and she'd had him for a mere four months, and then he'd been stolen from her. Then she'd found him again, only to have to leave him behind to go on a solo quest, which had led them into the depths of Tartarus, where she had almost lost him again–
Your fault, your fault, your fault–
"–need sleep, Beth."
She was jerked out of her reverie then, and pulled back to look at Percy, who was eyeing her sternly. She wanted to laugh. Sleep? She didn't know if she could even try. Every time she closed her eyes, nodded off even slightly, monsters lurked in her mind, on the fringes of her imagination, haunting her.
A choked sound escaped her throat, and her look, she knew, was incredulous.
"I know you don't want to," Percy said, his voice remarkably calm, "and I don't really either. But we have to be able to fight, and we can't do that if we're barely able to stand."
He had a point there. She hated when he made sense. A small sigh escaped her, and she swallowed hard. They did need rest. She didn't know how much they'd gotten while in Tartarus, but it couldn't have been more than a few hours.
And yes, the idea of sleeping, or even being alone terrified her. But after all Percy had done, after following her into hell, the least she could do in return was to give him the opportunity to sleep.
So she nodded slowly. Agreeing to submit herself to night.
So now she stood in front of her cabin door after parting ways with Percy, whose room was down the hall and around the corner. She wondered now if Hedge had been the one to orchestrate that idea. It felt achingly far, and she wanted to scold herself, because she was a daughter of Athena. She shouldn't be so worried about sleeping on her own.
But Percy had promised he'd check on her later, and she needed to appear confident in some way. She glanced over at a battered clock on the wall, and had she really been standing there for five full minutes?
And shaking her head jerkily, and cursing her weakness, she gingerly pushed the door open.
She looked around, taking in the bed, neatly made. She looked at the desk, Daedalus's laptop sitting carefully atop it. A twinge of relief hit her. Evidently it hadn't been lost in the fall. A hairbrush lay on the sink, and her dresser drawers were all closed. No doubt if she opened them she would see her clothing, neatly folded and organized.
Overall, everything looks so... normal.
Normal.
Something about the word made her choke. Her drakon-bone sword fell to the floor, and she leaned against the dresser next to her bed.
This wasn't normal. None of this was. Annabeth Chase was seventeen years old, and fighting a war that, if lost, would end the world as they knew it. She shouldn't be here. She should be in some far-off high school in New York, worrying about homework and classes and what she's going to wear to homecoming.
She shouldn't be here.
Something about Tartarus had changed her. She and Percy had to rely on their own, without any help from the gods at all. A bitter laugh left her lips, as she realized that it had been the god's worst enemies and counterparts that had saved them down there. The gods hadn't given them a second thought. And that emptiness, that bitterness at being completely abandoned, was something she knew she'd always carry.
And for the first time, she truly understood exactly how Luke Castellan had felt when he rebelled against the gods. And out of absolutely nowhere, she felt like she could see him in front of her, complaining of the gods and how disregarding they were of their demigod children. How they were left to clean up the messes they'd left behind.
Oh gods, Luke.
She felt tears gather behind her eyes, and a strange choking sound left her throat.
She hadn't thought about him in months. Every time she had, anger would flood over her. She'd felt more disdain towards him in the past few months as she'd processed everything he'd done to her. To all the demigods at camp. She'd shut down Piper's questions about him almost immediately, because just the thought of him filled her with resentment and despair.
She remembered being seven years old, cold and terrified, running through the streets. She remembered Luke and Thalia taking her under their wings, giving her a real family, and then going to camp where Annabeth had to watch Thalia die and– gods, she was only seven! What child deserves to go through something that horrible? And then Luke, her poor, abandoned friend, had betrayed her, betrayed all of Camp Half-Blood. He'd put them through so much trauma and heartache, and so many people had been killed.
(So many people could still be killed.)
She'd never really agreed with him or his actions. Despite her frustrations with the gods, she knew the alternative– a world ruled by the titans and giants and Gaea– would be so much worse. But now, as she stood in her cabin, feeling entirely broken and bruised and wholly not okay, she found herself understanding what Luke was getting at. She'd never felt so helpless down there in Tartarus, with no help, no reassurance from their parents.
No one should be forced to live like this.
She thought of Luke, his broken body on the floor of the Olympian throne room, telling– practically begging– them to not let it happen again. To not let any more demigods suffer the pain of so much indifference and abandonment.
And then she thought again of Zoe, of her last words, words so similar to Bob's about the stars. The ones she had been looking at for the past few hours. How many people she loved would never see those stars again? How many more people would have to suffer and die so she could see them every night?
The faces of everyone she has ever truly loved flashed behind her eyes. Piper, Jason, Leo, Frank, Hazel, Percy. Thalia and Chiron and all of Camp Half-Blood. Even the people in New Rome were dependent on whether or not they succeeded.
Her breaths were coming in short and fast, and her heart raced.
They could lose.
They could lose everything.
She could lose everything.
If this didn't work, if they couldn't defeat Gaea, then everything and everyone she's ever loved would be lost forever. She'd never be able to walk in the strawberry fields, to banter and duel with Clarisse, to hold and hug and kiss Percy again. The future she'd so meticulously planned out would be gone, unattainable.
And everyone else who had died will have done so for nothing.
And it was too much.
She couldn't do this anymore.
It's like the weight of the sky is on her shoulders again, like she's crouching on her knees, the only barrier that's keeping the cosmos from crushing the world. Briefly, she remembered that moment she took the sky from Luke, waiting, hoping for someone to rescue her, and it was like she could feel the weight of the sky– no, the whole weight of the universe on her shoulders. Every. Single. Thing.
And she couldn't hold it up any longer.
Her throat tightened, and her eyes burned.
The door opened then, and she turned to see Percy, newly dressed in pajamas. He took in her hunched form, her arms wrapped around herself and all her things on the floor. His already tired face turned into worry, his sea-green eyes looking as shattered and broken as she felt. She wants to laugh, because of course he's here, of course he would just be here the minute she needed him. Just like he had when he came for her under the sky. When he held her under the sea after the sirens. When he held onto her as she was literally being dragged into hell.
Without a word, Annabeth held out her hand for him, and he strode across her cabin, taking it and enveloping her in his arms. She all but collapsed against him, all the remaining fight going out of her all at once. Because she just couldn't take the weight anymore. Her knees buckled, and slowly, he lowered both of them to the floor. He held her as she sobbed, whispering into her ear, kissing the top of her head, promising her he would stay with her. She knew he would. He always would, and she was sure no one understood how she was feeling quite like he did. And maybe that was the only good thing she could see in this situation. But it would have to do for now.
She didn't know how long they knelt there on the ground, but eventually, her sobs quieted to soft, shuddering breaths, and she managed to look up at Percy. His own eyes were red around the edges, and he smiled at her sadly.
"We really are a mess, aren't we," he said, and Annabeth laughed, her throat raw and sore.
"You said it, Seaweed Brain." She hugged him again, burying her head into his shoulder. "Will you stay with me tonight?" The question hung in the air for a mere seconds before he said in his own hoarse voice,
"What do you think?"
After she changed into something that wasn't her t-shirt and jeans, the two of them were wrapped up in her bunk, the door slightly open.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
His words took a minute to sink in, and she barely had enough energy to whisper back.
"I'm just so tired Percy." He said nothing, waiting for her to continue. "We've been doing this for so long. I've been in this since I was seven. It just–" she inhaled sharply and shudders, a remnant of her sobs. "I just don't know what to do anymore. It's just so much." Percy's arms tightened around her, and he sighed softly.
"I know Wise Girl," he said, "I know."
"It's just all so much," she repeated mindlessly, "and I–" her voice broke, and more tears fell from her eyes. Percy pulled her closer to him, kissing her forehead gently. "I just want to go home to Camp Half-Blood. I want to forget about all of this."
"So do I," Percy replied softly.
Annabeth didn't say anything for a long time. She just listened to their breathing, listened to the sound of the ship rocking back and forth. And then–
"It's just– it's not fair." Annabeth's voice was raspy from lack of use, and she had to clear her throat to keep going. "Not for any of us."
"No," Percy said. "No, it isn't." he didn't say anything else for a long time, so much so that Annabeth thought he might have fallen asleep. But she raised her eyes and saw his own staring down at her, his face tight with worry.
"What is it?" she asked. "Are you okay?"
He was quiet for a moment, contemplating his next words, evidently, and then he sighed.
"I just hate seeing you like this," He said, and Annabeth felt herself relax, from what, she didn't know. "Seeing you hurting– I wish I could take it from you." She felt like her heart could burst at that, honestly, and gods she loved him.
"Tell me about New Rome again," she said suddenly, and looked up into Percy's eyes. They still had that murky darkness he'd had since they fell, but his gaze was gentle and full of love that made her have a flicker of hope that everything could be okay again. "That may dull it a little." Her voice was a whisper. A ghost of a smile flitted across Percy's lips, and he gave her the softest of kisses.
"Okay," he murmured, and he told her.
She fell asleep that night to his hopes for their future. To dreams of buildings and bakeries and nights under the stars, to college and a wedding. And maybe, she thought, just maybe, they could get through this.
Maybe they could be okay.
A/N: There you go! I hope you liked it, and if you stayed to the end, thank you sm you are the best person! :) Here have a cookie.
Leave a comment, kudos, etc. It boosts my serotonin. (also if you have any requests or fic ideas, go find me on tumblr and I'll try to write something! I'm fairly active over yonder there.)
I love y'all, seriously.
:) 3