The Damsel's Peril of Haruhi Suzumiya

A Haruhi Suzumiya Fan Fiction

by Derald Snyder

Part 1- Sexy Damsel

"...Listen, I'm only telling you this for your own good; you need to be on your guard."

"With all due respect, Koizumi, when am I ever not on guard with Haruhi?" Kyon snarked back, walking down the hallway with his cell phone to his ear.

"I'm serious. You both have been quite busy with your courses lately, which means you haven't spent much time together, correct?"

"Yeah, but I've finally gotten caught up, and I'm heading to the clubroom as we speak. ...Wait, is there closed space?" the thought suddenly occurred to Kyon.

"A few, but nothing we can't handle, especially compared to how Miss Suzumiya was back in high school," Koizumi replied. "Even so, it's likely because she's in heat... and while I'm well aware of your mutual agreement..."

"Right, you're paranoid that Haruhi will conveniently forget about our (ahem) pre-nuptial agreement and pounce on me," Kyon sighed. "Look, this won't be the first time I've had to deal with her when she's in heat. Have a little faith in me, Koizumi."

"I have every faith in you. I'm just obligated to give you fair warning, not only as the SOS Brigades' deputy chief, but as your mutual friend."

"Duly noted. Look, I'm almost there, so I'll let you know how things go, all right?"

"Very well then. Good luck," Koizumi said before hanging up.

"Yare yare..." Kyon sighed as he put away his phone. (And here I thought college would be easy compared to all the stuff we went through in high school...) While he, Haruhi, Koizumi and Yuki Nagato had remained together in college, Mikuru Asahina had 'moved away' (that is, returned to the future), and Tsuruya had been 'hired' as the Brigade's new mascot. Fortunately, the energetic greenette was more than up to the task, even bringing some of her own costumes to dress in, which Haruhi approved of. She hadn't been very good at making tea to start with, but she was making an honest effort to improve.

As for Mikuru herself, Kyon had been mildly surprised to find her adult self working as a professor at their college, teaching a history course, though none of the current brigade members were taking said course... She was 'observing from a distance', as she put it. One concession she'd made to Haruhi was to swap out her button-up blouse with less revealing shirts and sweaters, to assure her she wouldn't attempt any 'shenanigans' with Kyon if she needed to discuss something with him. Kyon had never heard the end of it when Haruhi had found out about the older Mikuru 'showing her mole' to him... (Still, compared to how she might have reacted in the past, at least it didn't have world-ending consequences...) he mused to himself.

And so Kyon found himself standing before a sturdy door with a western-style doorknob, with a sheet of paper reading 'SOS BRIGADE' taped to the center. In actuality, it was a storage room in the college's basement that had 'conveniently' gone unused, allowing Haruhi and co. to move in their laptops and other odds and ends from their old high-school club. While there was no wi-fi reception in the room at first, Yuki had easily taken care of that. (All right, moment of truth...) Kyon steeled himself, reaching for the doorknob...

And finding it locked. (Great. Either no one's in there, or Haruhi's locked herself inside...) She was the only one with the key, being the chief and all, though Yuki could easily bypass the lock if she so desired. (Wonder if I should try calling Haruhi,) Kyon pondered...

But suddenly there was a 'click' as the door unlatched. (Oh boy... step into my parlor, said the spider to the fly...) Deciding to risk it, he slowly turned the knob, letting the door silently swing open... the lights were on, and he could make out a shifting shadow over the table. (Well, somebody's in there...) So he quietly moved through the door... and stopped short, his jaw dropping.

It was Haruhi Suzumiya, all right. She was covered from the chest down in black fabric that seemed to shimmer slightly in the light, the skirt going down to her ankles, showing a pair of matching high-heel slippers. Her hands and arms were also covered with the same material, the gloves going up almost to her armpits... While her back was to Kyon, she was standing before a full-length mirror, which revealed her front side, her face uncertain as she checked herself over... the dress was held up by thin double straps on each shoulder, both of which were decorated with a pair of rubies set in a gold frame. The chest was cut to show the curves of her breasts, the top being pointed in the center, then curving down and up on each side, showing some skin while hiding her cleavage. Sexy, but not in an overly lewd way. Kyon could have sworn he'd seen this particular dress somewhere before, though...

"Hmm... I don't know..." Haruhi muttered to herself, apparently ignorant of her beloved's presence. "Feels like something's... off..." She bit her lip in contemplation. "Well, let's try this..." She undid the single ribbon tied on the left side of her head, pulling her hair up into a ponytail, causing Kyon to inhale sharply... After tying it off, she smoothed the tail out with her hands, turning to the side to get a better look at it. "Yeah, that's a little better... wonder if I should swap my yellow headband for a black one, just so it matches..." She smiled as she put her hands on her hips, swaying them in a sexy manner...

"Uh..." Kyon grunted from the sight, causing Haruhi to whip around, screaming in surprise and hunching over, trying to cover herself! (Oh shit! Busted!)

"Kyon?! What the hell?!" Haruhi screeched, her face going beet-red. "I-I thought I locked the door!"

"Uh, you did," he managed to get out. "But, uh, it suddenly unlocked after I tried it..."

"What?! Why would it do that?!"

"Uh, maybe..." Kyon put a hand behind his head. "Maybe, subconsciously, you wanted me to see you in that getup..."

"Ugh... seriously?!" Haruhi straightened up a little, smacking herself in the head with both hands. "Damn my subconscious! First it threatens the world with closed space, now it's trying to kill me with embarrassment?!"

Kyon couldn't help but find that remark rather amusing, but he still needed to deescalate the situation... so he fell back on his old tried-and-true tactic: snark. "Well, look on the bright side, at least I didn't catch you undressing... that would've been the death penalty for sure."

Haruhi exhaled through her nose at this, her luminescent blush fading somewhat. "Yeah... it probably would have been." Standing up fully, the brunette heaved a sigh of resignation. "Well, since you're here, I might as well ask: How do I look?" She spread her arms a little, turning slightly this way and that, causing her ponytail to sway with her motions.

"Beautiful. Absolutely gorgeous," Kyon nodded to himself... then realization dawned. "Wait a minute... isn't that the dress Sailor Pluto was wearing at the end of the Dead Moon Circus arc?"

"Sailor Pluto...?" Haruhi's face contorted in mild confusion.

"You know, Setsuna Meiou? Sailor Moon?" Kyon elaborated.

"Ohh! Right, right, that Sailor Pluto!" Haruhi nodded vigorously. "Ugh, sorry, it's been so long since I read the manga... but yeah, I was just trying to look up sexy dresses online, and I really liked this one... although, I wasn't sure if I wanted black, or if it should be brown, like my old bunny suit..."

"Hmm..." Kyon closed his eyes, trying to picture it. "...I think either would look good on you, really. But might I ask what brought this on?"

"You need to ask, Kyon? We haven't seen much of each other lately, and I wanted to surprise you," Haruhi stated bluntly. "And then you and my subconscious just HAD to go and ruin it..."

"I'm sorry, I should have knocked first," Kyon bowed his head. "I'll accept whatever penalty you decide to impose, within reason."

"Within reason?" Haruhi put her hands on her hips.

"You know, as long as it doesn't violate our (ahem) agreement," Kyon pointed out, still averting his gaze.

"Oh, right... our agreement not to 'get it on' before we're done with college and got our careers off the ground," Haruhi nodded in comprehension. "Lemme guess, Koizumi said something?"

"Yeah, he called me on the way down here. Said there was a few closed spaces and to be on my guard. Like I haven't heard that a million times before," he snarked.

"Right... I'm glad he's on top of things like my deputy chief should be, but..." Haruhi waved her hands over herself, her gloves vanishing and her sexy dress changing back to her modest yellow sundress. "He can be a little overbearing sometimes. Especially after I learned the truth about everything..." She shook her head with a smile. "Aaaaaaanyway... before we discuss penalties, how about we go for a walk outside and clear our heads?"

"Good idea, chief," Kyon agreed. "And maybe we can look for elves and gremlins in the bushes..."

"Yeah, something like that," Haruhi concurred, her smile widening as she took Kyon's hand, the two walking out of the clubroom together. "Oh, hey Yuki!"

"Yo, Nagato," Kyon acknowledged the liliac-haired alien interface. "Keeping an eye on us, just in case?"

"...Yes," Yuki nodded. "But it appears there is nothing to concern myself with. Please enjoy your walk."

"Sure," Haruhi nodded. "I'll leave the door open for you, okay?"

"Thank you," Yuki nodded back, promptly heading into the clubroom and shutting the door.

"...You almost get the feeling she was waiting for us to get done," Kyon observed.

"Well, she shares a dorm room with Kimidori, so she probably appreciates the privacy," Haruhi pointed out. "Come on, let's go!" She promptly took the lead, gently tugging her beloved along behind her...

*To be continued...*

A/N: The 'naughty' stuff will happen next chapter...