The Damsel's Peril of Haruhi Suzumiya

A Haruhi Suzumiya Fan Fiction

by Derald Snyder

Part 2- Damsel In Distress

"Find anything, Kyon?" Haruhi asked as she parted a bush to look inside.

"Nothing but a few insects," he replied. "Unless they're actually tiny pixies in disguise..."

"I don't think pixies would be that small," Haruhi muttered, looking carefully through her bush... and finding nothing. "Well, nothing here either. Let's move on."

"Good idea," Kyon said with no hint of sarcasm. And so they departed, walking down an animal trail that led away from the bushes towards some nearby trees... but then Haruhi suddenly pulled him off the trail, heading back in the direction of the college. "What, do you see something out of the ordinary? Because I don't."

"Well, I was just curious about this here," Haruhi said as they stopped by a square plot filled with dark sand. "It looks like they were gonna build something here, but didn't."

"Maybe they lost the funding to proceed with construction?" Kyon guessed. "Whatever building it was, it seemed like it was gonna be pretty small..." He looked over at the parking lot a short distance away. "Maybe a station for campus security?"

"Maybe," Haruhi mumbled, staring at the sand, pushing at it with her foot... then a smile came over her face.

(Uh-oh, I know that look,) Kyon realized. It was time to intervene before things got out of hand. "Haruhi, whatever you're plotting, don't. Everyone and their mother can see us here..."

"I wasn't plotting," Haruhi looked up at her boyfriend. "I was reminiscing."

"Reminiscing?" Kyon raised an eyebrow. "About what, exactly?"

"Remember that movie sequel we made? Where Koizumi 'sacrificed' himself to save Mikuru and me from the 'deadly quicksand'?"

"Oh, that? How could I forget you and Tsuruya throwing me into that muck?" Kyon sighed.

"You enjoyed it and you know it," Haruhi shot back with a smirk.

"Even if I did, I didn't enjoy having to explain to my parents why my clothes were all yucky when I came home," Kyon sighed. "I only got out of real trouble by blaming you and Tsuruya, since it was your fault anyway, but Imouto wouldn't stop teasing me about it..."

"Yeah, I had Mother waggling her finger at me too, even though I changed back to normal clothes... she still smelled the mud on me," Haruhi recalled.

"At least you had a change of clothes," Kyon retorted. "Not something I want to repeat, thank you very much."

"Yeah, but we're in college now, you can wash your own clothes," Haruhi pointed out. "Well, I wanna try something..." She promptly slipped off her shoes and walked onto the sand plot, turning to face Kyon once she reached the middle.

"What, are you gonna play 'damsel-in-distress' or something?" Kyon asked, subconsciously moving back a half-step.

"Something like that," Haruhi confirmed with a smirk. "Well, first things first, gotta be appropriately dressed..." Closing her eyes and waving her hands over herself, Haruhi was suddenly clad in the sexy black Sailor Pluto princess dress and long matching gloves from before.

"Uh, are you sure you should be wearing that out here?" Kyon asked, even though he was unable to look away.

"Oh, come on, it's not like I'm letting it 'all hang out', right?" Haruhi countered, that knowing smirk never leaving her face. "Okay, time for the peril..." She closed her eyes again, taking a deep breath as if to steel herself... suddenly, the sand beneath her feet transformed into slimy brown mud, her bare feet sinking into it! "Oooh, that feels nice..." she breathed out. She pulled one foot out, causing the other to sink down further, then repeating the process with her other foot... Soon, however, she was unable to extract her feet anymore, tugging at her legs in futility as she she sank down further... "Oh no! I'm in quicksand! Somebody help, I'm sinking!" She deliberately averted her gaze from Kyon as she continued her half-hearted struggles, the folds of her dress' skirt slowly disappearing into the mire...

(Okay, I'd be lying if I said this wasn't hot,) Kyon thought, only able to look away for a split second, just to ensure no one else was in the area... but it still seemed deserted as far as he could tell. He continued to watch his girlfriend's 'hapless' struggles, now sunk past her knees in the slimy quicksand... as the mud rose to her hips, however, she looked him in the eye expectantly. "Um, yeah?" he managed to speak.

"Instead of just staring, how about you go find a long stick to pull me out with?" Haruhi said with her hands on her hips, though she was soon forced to raise them up as said hips descended into the mire. "Hurry up, or it's a penalty!"

"Yes, chief," Kyon assented, managing to summon the willpower to pull himself away from the scene before him and look around... Sure enough, a few yards away was a long, jagged branch, which looked quite sturdy. (Was this here all along, or...?) Shaking his head, he decided it didn't matter, picking up said stick and bending it a little to make sure it wouldn't break off. (Seems sturdy enough...)

"Oh no!" He immediately turned at Haruhi's exclamation, seeing that she was now sunk to her ribcage in the dark slimy mud. "Gotta get out...!" she grunted, pushing on the surface with her left arm... which predictably resulting in said arm sinking down, the mud making sucking noises as she tried to extract it to no avail. "Ugh, help! Help me, Kyon!" she looked over to him, reaching out with her free hand as her chest began to press into the surface...

"I'm coming!" Kyon responded, taking another look around for any witnesses... Seeing none, he quickly strode to the edge of the quicksand, bending over slightly as he reached out with the stick. "Grab on!"

Haruhi made a show of missing the stick a few times, even though it was in easy reach, before eventually getting a firm grip on it. "Oh, my hero," she sighed in a fake 'loving' voice.

"You're welcome," Kyon grunted as he began to pull his sexy lover out of the sucking mud. "You better not pull me in..."

But then, there was a glint in Haruhi's eye, an evil grin spreading over her face... before Kyon could react she suddenly yanked as hard as she could, causing him to stumble forward, his feet sinking into the mud, Kyon falling forward, his arms plunging into the muck up to his elbows as he tried to break his fall. "Gah! What the hell, Haruhi?!"

"It's your fault, Kyon," Haruhi admonished with a waggling finger as she sank back down to her bosom. "If you hadn't said anything, I probably wouldn't have done that... maybe next time keep your mouth shut when you're saving me, hmm?"

Kyon could only groan as he felt himself settling deeper into the slimy quicksand. He should have known better... he really should have.

*To be continued...*

A/N: Okay, I lied. The real naughty stuff happens next chapter; I decided to break this up to keep it from getting too long.