Chapter 1 Maybe Tonight

Kitty Russell headed up to her rooms. She was in no mood to face customers. Bill, her partner, could handle the boisterous, good-natured crowd. Matt had been gone three weeks. He'd only been home a few days from a two-week trip taking a prisoner from Dodge to Leavenworth. Of course her man's ever watchful eyes had spotted the escapee playing poker in the Long Branch. Now Matt was who knew where out on the prairie chasing after a trio of stage robbers who killed one person on every coach they hit. As happened far too often her cowboy raced off as soon as he got the telegram, taking only enough time to put Chester in charge.

Kitty could picture the lawman lying wounded or dead. She didn't want to believe that. They'd eluded him, she told herself as she entered and locked the door of her room that came with fully establishing herself as half owner. Though it was still relatively early, the saloon proprietor began to prepare for bed. As she removed her outer garments, corset and finally chemise before donning her nightgown, the beautiful redhead couldn't keep her thoughts off the man she loved. Would he make it home tonight? If he did, what shape would he be in? Worse yet, could he have met someone who could woo him away from that badge? That last thought Kitty knew was preposterous.

Faced with such gloomy ideas the young woman didn't bother to put a light in the window for her man to see as he rode his big buckskin down Front Street toward the stable. Instead, when she finished removing the pins from her hair and brushing out her long tresses, Kitty threw herself on the bed. She clutched his pillow, but the scent of him was gone. Laundering had washed it away. When she sent the bed linens out following his most recent departure she hoped he wouldn't be gone more than a week. That was two laundry loads ago. Unbidden, the tears began to flow until she'd cried herself to sleep.

The next morning, finding no sign Matt had slept next to her, Kitty resigned herself to yet another day alone. She performed her morning ablutions in the adjoining water closet in preparation for meeting the new day. While she put on a deep blue morning dress and fixed her hair in a manner that befitted the respectable businesswoman she'd become Kitty wondered if it had been a mistake to forgo the candle in the window. She still had a few left, but would have to purchase more from Mr. Jonas. She was rapidly burning through them lately.

Jealousy hit her as she headed down the stairs and thought how different the morning would be for partner Bill Pence and his bride Laura, married since October '69 – coming on two years. Those two were together more than they were apart, though Laura didn't work the floor as many hours as she used to do. The former Laura Simmons hadn't waited long after escaping from what would have been an unhappy marriage to the Philadelphia high society, controlling Philip Locke to reciprocate Bill's declaration of love. Actually Bill didn't have to say anything. He showed how he felt when Locke tried to hire him killed, and Laura responded in kind by being ready to use a shotgun to prevent his death. Within five months they were wed.

It wasn't that Kitty wanted to marry immediately. She was still enjoying her independence after spending her first 20 years of life ruled by men, nearly half of them in virtual slavery. However, she envied how much more time Bill spent with Laura than Matt, when in town, spent with her. If that wasn't enough, his job kept him away far too often lately. It was also dangerous even when he was home. At least in Dodge he had some backup. She, Doc and Chester, along with other concerned citizens were there for him. The prairie lacked readily available help and comfort if he was out there alone. She couldn't help worrying about him. Still, Kitty had a life separate from Matthew James Dillon, who dwelled in the center of her heart but didn't define her. If she expected what other women did from their men he wouldn't see her as anything more than another Dodge citizen requiring his protection. He certainly wouldn't love her or even be her best friend.

Kitty knew there was no point feeding her melancholy. She resigned herself to another day of waiting for his return or at the very least a telegram saying he was on his way. Deciding there was nothing to do but see if Doc and Chester were available to join her for a first meal of the day at Delmonico's the determined woman strode down the saloon stairs onto the main floor and the batwing doors. While she was only halfway to the exit Doc stepped inside.

"Kitty, I'm glad to see you're awake. Would you care to join me for a late breakfast?" he inquired. "I was out most of the night helping your friend Bess Roniger deliver another baby and then caught a few hours sleep. By the time I got back Chester had already eaten. He'd have been glad to join us for another meal before dinner but decided to do some actual work instead of stuffing his face on my money. Besides, you're far more in need of a treat and prettier than him."

"I was hoping that's what you'd want Doc. Let's go eat!" she spoke with a false enthusiasm that only someone who knew her well would detect.

Once they were seated at a table in the restaurant and had ordered a bowl of mush for him and toast and coffee for her, Doctor Adams looked at his beautiful redheaded companion with concern. He knew she needed to share her troubles. He wouldn't push her but when she was ready he'd listen and then dispense some fatherly advice. Doc wondered if she'd be willing to listen in return. He began eating, watching Kitty nibble at her toast and waiting patiently for her to begin unburdening herself. He knew the source of her unhappiness, just not the specifics.

"I can't hide it from you, can I Doc? I miss him so much. It's not just how long he's been gone after only being home a few days, it's not knowing if he's coming back."

"Honey, we both know Matt can take care of himself. Chasing after those stage robbers is simply taking longer than expected," Doc replied trying to reassure her. "He'd let us know if he were anywhere near a telegraph."

"It's just that he's alone chasing three men who won't hesitate to kill. Each day that passes increases my anxiety because I believe what's on his mind is catching up to those robbers, not being careful. If he doesn't kill them or they him outright he's still got to bring them to wherever they'll stand trial," Kitty confided in the man who'd become her father figure.

"I've a suggestion," the doctor replied as he tossed a couple coins on the table to pay for their largely uneaten meal. "What you need is a break from routine. If he doesn't return by tomorrow why don't you arrange with Bill to take some time away to pick up needed supplies before the final influx of cowboys for this year? It would give you something to think about besides that overgrown public servant."

Two mornings later, when there was still no word from Matt, Kitty boarded the stage for Wichita. She'd make arrangements in the larger town for additional glasses and replacement chairs and tables to be shipped back to Dodge. Once the cowboys stampeded into the Long Branch and the other, less classy saloons of the town the breakage could come close to erasing their profits. It made little sense to her to wait for the much faster train that left the following evening now that she'd made up her mind to go on a buying trip for the Long Branch. Doc and Chester saw her off.

"Promise you'll send word the moment you hear anything," she insisted as the physician helped her into the coach. "I want to know whether the news is good or bad. I'll come home immediately after hearing from you," she added as the stage began to pull away.

As the only passenger that morning Kitty's thoughts naturally turned to the man she loved. Perhaps if others joined her along the way she could relegate him to the back of her mind. "If he's still alive, I'm sure I'm not on Matt's brain at all," she mused. "It will be stuffed with fulfilling his duty to that badge."

Despite her concerns the rocking of the stage lulled Kitty Russell into a dream state. Dozing, she saw them together fishing, sharing a meal and those special intimate moments in her room. Visions of the past and hopefully the future formed a poem in her head.

"It's not the way you smile that touched my heart.

It's not the way you kiss that tears me apart.

Uh, oh, many, many, many nights go by,

I sit alone at home and I cry over you.

What can I do.

Can't help myself, 'cause baby, it's you."

She knew the respectable people in town that had become her home nearly five years ago didn't believe there was anything serious between her and the marshal. How could they? Since neither of them wanted marriage in the near future it was easy to accept his terms and keep the extent of their relationship secret. Only those closest to them and the most observant among the others saw more than a friendship. Most saw only his attentions as a matter of convenience between a lawman and a whore turned saloon owner. They reckoned he had a special deal with her in exchange for her supplying him with information.

A second verse popped into her head as Kitty's thoughts of the love she shared with Matt turned into ones of those who dismissed out of hand any possibility of a lasting relationship with home and family. Such hopes for their future morphed into the very real chance that he'd die tomorrow. That far off someday when both were ready for a conventional commitment might never come. The important thing was how she felt.

"It doesn't matter what they say,

I know I'm gonna love you any old way.

What can I do, when it's true?

Don't leave me all alone…

Come on home…"

The young redhead awoke with a start as the stage pulled into the first relay station. By the time they departed, 15 minutes later, Kitty was no longer alone. She engaged in friendly conversation with the woman and her son sitting across from her. Mrs. Larkin, dressed in a tawny traveling suit, and tow-headed Bobby, also dressed for travel, were also going to Wichita. They were returning to what had been their home to live with her parents Libby and Harry Wiltshire on the farm where she'd grown up. It was where she fell in love with and wed Dick Larkin, a driver for the stage line and lately a backup depot manager in the towns along the route. He'd been fatally shot by the very robbers Matt was after as the family headed to Dodge City where he was to take up his new post of full-time depot manager.

The widow's plight made the redhead realize that out on the prairie death was a constant. It could happen to anyone at any time. Her traveling companions were proof of that. The woman sitting opposite, Carolyn Larkin, had married at about the age Kitty was when she first laid eyes on Matt. Her man had left the more dangerous occupation of driving a stage yet, despite that, Mrs. Larkin was facing raising a child on her own at 30.

Despite that glum revelation, as they pulled into Wichita two days later, she wondered if Matt changing occupations would increase the chances both of them would make it to middle age. If he took up an occupation that didn't cause him to face at least the threat of death daily perhaps they could enjoy at least as many years together as the Larkins. However, it might be too late. He could already be dead. Besides, Kitty couldn't ask her cowboy to abandon his way of making the lives of those around them better. It was too much a part of what made him the man she loved.

AN: Kitty's dream poem is an adaptation of the Beatles version of Baby It's You.