The clock struck one and it was break time at the Phoenix & Co. Law Offices. John Phoenix pulled his coat off the coat hook and deftly put it on.
"Uncle Phoenix, I am heading out for my break. I want you to watch the office. Do not do anything stupid while I am gone or you will pay."
Phoenix Wright promised to watch the office and not do anything stupid. And so, John Phoenix left the office. He went outside and breathed in the fresh air.
But then John Phoenix started coughing! The air was not fresh! The air was almost poisonous!
John Phoenix stroked his chin. He wondered why the air was so foul today.
Meanwhile back at the office, Phoenix Wright was secretly sitting in John Phoenix's chair that only John Phoenix is allowed to sit in, and he was about to fall asleep in it. Luckily, he was woken up by the sound of the doorbell.
Phoenix opened the door and a man was on the other side.
"Heya bro, my name's John Con and I'm here selling Bytcoins want some?"
"What's Bytcoin?" said Phoenix.
"Bytcoin is a cryptocurrency which is a currency but GOOD because its value doesn't depend on rich people arbitrarily deciding how much its worth - WE decide how much its worth! And we do that by solving puzzles!"
Phoenix was intrigued. He used to hate puzzles, but one day he met Professor Layton and now he was quite the fan of them, even if he always got them wrong.
"Okay I'll take some."
"Good to do business with you!" Phoenix paid Con ten million dollars out of the office's funds and was given twenty-five Bytcoins in exchange.
"Hey wait a second," said Phoenix. "I thought you said normal currencies were worthless so how can you say Bytcoin is worth anything in dollars?"
A bead of sweat rolled down Con's face. He never could have expected such an uncharacteristically smart observation from Phoenix Wright.
"Don't ask that."
The salesman ran away! Phoenix scratched his head. He wasn't sure what the man got so flustered about, but at least he got his hands on a currency that could be trusted.
John Phoenix returned.
"Uncle I'm back, please report everything that you did while I was out."
"Uh, nothing, John Phoenix. I mean, I didn't sit in your favorite chair," said Phoenix. Then he held out his hands and showed him what he just bought. "But I DID invest in Bytcoin!"
"YOU DID WHAT! What's Bytcoin?"
John Phoenix went onto the internet and checked what Bytcoin was. He found a thread on some forum and read through it.
"Bytcoin is terrible for the environment because people use tons of electricity every second to get their hands on some," said the forum post and no psychic locks appeared so the forum post was telling the truth!
"So that's why the air is so toxic today!" said John Phoenix. "Uncle Phoenix, we've got to stop Bytcoin!"
John Phoenix opened the office's bank account and checked where the ten million dollars went. He hacked into the seller's account and grabbed its IP address. The IP address told him the seller was somewhere in London so he called his friend Peter Murray to take him there on his boat.
John Phoenix, accompanied by Pete and Uncle Phoenix, went to the seller's house and rang the doorbell.
"Who is it," said a voice Phoenix recognized as John Con!
"It's me, John Phoenix. I'm interested in getting into cryptocurrency!" He was not lying. He wanted to get into cryptocurrency by destroying it.
Con did not realize this fortunately and opened the door.
"Well then be my guest!"
"Ayo Johnny what's all this crypto lark about sounds mighty suspicious to me," said Pete.
Con raised an eyebrow and John Phoenix cursed his friend's large mouth.
"What he meant to say is that it's suspendous. It's his funny way of saying stupendous. LET US IN!" John Phoenix pointed a gun at the salesman and he let out a whimper before getting out of their way and they went inside.
Unbeknownst to them though, the click of a camera had sounded from behind the bushes outside Con's house and Raiten Menimemo poked his head out.
"I can't believe John Phoenix is a cryptobro this will be the bestest scoop of all time!" He snapped his suspenders and drove away in his Mamemobile to write a scandalous article!
John Phoenix and friends were taken into a big room with thousands of computers running at the same time.
"What're those fancy gadgets for?" said Pete.
"Those are computers. They're used to mine Bytcoin," said Con.
"Err you've lost me already fella, where are ya mining them from? Do ya dig into the things with little pickaxes?"
"You have QUITE the imagination!" John Con laughed, but that was John Phoenix's first guess too. "No no, Bytcoin generation is a simple process. First we decide on a 64-character-long string that has been encrypted through SHA-256 and competitors all around the world must compete to find a string that converts to the exact same value. Would any of you fine gents like to try?"
"Me please!" said Pete. He sat down at one of the computers and looked at the screen. The SHA code he had to match was displayed on the screen and it said "9eabb1416f00748823432e5316426992b80c61162e30a1b44c8e01247054c90c."
"Nine-eyab-one-four-one-six-foo... this is just a load of steaming rubbish! How'm I supposed to guess what it all means!"
"Ah, do not concern yourself with the target string itself," said Con. "Just input a valid sentence and leave it to the wonders of technology to translate it to SHA for you!"
"Uhhhhhh okay," said Pete and he hovered his fingers over the keyboard for a minute before typing "hi."
Despite only typing two letters 64 characters suddenly covered the screen and he jumped out of his seat with a "WAH!"
"Congratulations, you generated your first SHA string!" Con applauded Pete's work.
"But-but that's nowhere close to the target boyo!" said Pete.
"So it isn't! It takes quite a lot of guesses to get a match, and that's what these babies are for," Con spread his arms out, gesturing towards the millions of computers he had in there. Yes, not just thousands any more, millions. He had expanded his efforts massively in the short time they'd been here. How, you ask? Through the power of Bytcoin!
Pete scratched his head. "How's that help?"
"It's because he has all those computers make guesses for him at once!" said John Phoenix. "It speeds up the process and raises your chance at succeeding, doesn't it?"
"Yes indeed. And when someone finds a match, we reward them with Bytcoin tokens!"
"I'm gonna be real with ya boy this all sounds really feckin' stupid!" shouted Pete to Con's surprise.
"I-Is that another way the foreigners say stupendous?" said John Con.
"No. What my friend means is that it's stupid. And he is right! It IS stupid," said John Phoenix.
"Why is it stupid John Phoenix?" said Phoenix.
"Yeah," said Con. "People solving puzzles is a fair and objective way to ascertain the value of our currency, much unlike the US Dollar!"
"OBJECTION!" shouted John Phoenix. "People aren't solving shit because you made it too hard! The only people winning any Bytcoin are the people rich enough to own this many computers. And morally bankrupt enough to destroy the environment by using them in this way!"
"Yeah bucko," said Pete. "You're not solving it, you're all cheating, like me when I'm playin' cards!"
"John Con, it's clear to me that Bytcoin is a scam that's skewed in favor of the rich and priveleged! I am going to stop your scheme, here and now!"
"Ha! Try it if you dare," John Con smirked. "You're up against modern-day technology, my friend! Our computers are state of the art! They are infallible!"
John Phoenix pulled out a magnet.
"OH SHIT NO!" shouted John Con. "Give that to me right now you wretch!"
But it was too late for John Con to save his business! The moment John Phoenix took the thing out of his pockets, magnetic waves filled the room! There was a cacophony as the computers fell apart internally, but they were soon drowned out by John Con's horrified squeals!
John Con ran to his PC and desperately tried to turn it on, and it did! John Con felt reassured for just a second, so he went onto Bytcoin dot net to make sure everything was in order.
The target SHA string was "fuckyouuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu" and then the servers shut down forever.
"NO!" John Con slammed his fist on the keyboard - then his bloodshot eyes turned and made contact with John Phoenix!
John Con reached under the desk and pulled out a legendary sword!
"We shall now duel to the death, JOHN PHOENIIIIIIIIIIIIIX!"
"Is that a threat!" shouted someone outside.
The front doors swung open and Storm Sente walked in, accompanied by Lizzy Harrison. In Storm's hand was a newspaper with the headline "JOHN PHOENIX GETS INTO Bytcoin!" That's how he knew to come here.
"John Con, you're under arrest for making death threats," said Lizzy.
"I WILL KILL YOU ALL!" John Con screamed while the bobbies dragged him to jail.