English is not my first language, so keep that in mind while reading. Thanks for understanding!
...
Climbing the last steps of the metal ladder attached to the wall of the tall building, he felt a stronger breeze of cool wind on his cheeks. Placing his feet protected by black sneakers on the roof, he closed his eyes and consciously forced new air into his lungs. Stimulated by another dose of oxygen, his eyelids slowly moved up, allowing his vision to register the image that spread out right in front of him. Ever-living Tokyo, sprinkled in countless lights, stimulated his slightly tired body.
With a slow step, he moved forward, heading to the edge of the building. Reaching the edge, he sat down, filling the space under the low metal railing with himself and resting his forearms on its cool surface, slightly leaned forward.
From this height, from this perspective, the impression of fragility seemed even stronger. The mind and body of the blond-haired boy experienced the existence of his own weaknesses even more clearly.
This perspective also stirred something else in him.
He wanted to stop questioning the rightness of the direction he wanted to go. He wished to throw away all doubts, to ignore the expectations that society was imposing. To shatter the illusion it was creating, by setting its own rules for proper behavior.
– From the next building, the view is even more amazing – he heard a familiar voice just behind him.
Totally surprised, he didn't react, not even trying to make any word leave his throat. He didn't expect anyone to go so high, hitting such an unobvious and so far desolate place.
– Did you know? – he asked, undeterred by the lack of response, taking the seat next to him.
– Suspected.
– So why didn't you try?
This time Mikey decided to make a move. Meeting the gaze of the dark eyes staring at him, his lips moved saying:
– I was hoping that this wouldn't be the last time I would have the chance to take a little risk.
– Seemingly yes, however... the certainty is never one hundred percent.
– Do you assume that today is all I have? That tomorrow may not come?
– This is possible not only in your case. I'm also at this risk.
– Quite dark scenario – he commented, returning to the calming view of the overwhelming lights of the huge city.
– I wouldn't say dark. Rather... free of illusion, real.
– The truth can be dark.
– The truth is essential. Everything is based on it.
Mikey turned his gaze, fascinated by the view to his friend and looking at him for a while, realized that he came here for a specific purpose.
– Did you prepare for a long time to come here? – he asked, without taking his eyes off him.
– Yes.
– I assume that the change in my behavior has caught your attention and caused you concern.
– That's right.
Mikey looked down, getting the impression that the intensity of his friend's dark eyes was able to penetrate him, to see the hidden truth.
– I don't know if I can talk about it. I'm not sure if I could tell you how I feel.
– Try.
– ...You said that the view from the next building is more impressive – he said, returning his gaze to him. – I would like to find out if it's true.
– Ok – he replied with a slight smile. – Let's go then – he added, rising from his seat.
Mikey followed his friend walking a few steps ahead of him, and once again today he felt a stronger breeze of cool air on his skin. The wind blew his hair away, covering his eyes for a brief moment, only to disappear completely in a moment, leaving only a faint memory on his slightly flushed cheeks.
Holding tightly to the metal steps of a pretty sturdy ladder, they reached the first stage, from where just behind a heavy door they followed the stairs down, passing through a stairwell.
– We have to go around the building, won't get in from this side – Mikey heard as they stood across the street on the narrow sidewalk.
– Guide – he said shortly, taking out a red hair band from his pants pocket.
He tied his long hair with it and followed the blond, tall boy. His presence stirred up very extreme emotions in him. On the one hand, he felt grateful that he was not indifferent to him and was ready to listen to him. But on the other hand, he felt uncertainty and fear that the truth might shatter the image of him that he had created in his head.
He was afraid that the truth wouldn't be expected, that Ken-chin wouldn't understand, wouldn't appreciate its value.
– Ken-chin... – he said his name very quietly.
His feet stopped and his hands clenched into fists, went into the pockets of his oversized hoodie.
– Mikey?
– Let's postpone it for another day – he said without looking at him.
– I'm not going to judge you, Mikey – he began, gradually reducing the distance between them. – In any case, you can count on my understanding and support.
Stopping right in front of him, he raised his hand and carefully touched his slightly bowed head. Mikey tensed, but decided to stay. At least for now, in this place, in this dimly lit alley.
– Sometimes understanding doesn't go along with acceptance – he said, deciding to look into his best friend's eyes.
– You prefer to live an illusion rather than take a risk? – he asked, without withdrawing his hand.
Leaning slightly, Draken rested his forehead against his head and looking intently into the dark eyes focused on him, spoke again.
– Or maybe you don't see me as a trustworthy person? Maybe... we're at different stages of our relationship and stuck in two different places?
– You know that's not true.
– Prove it. Come with me to the top of this building and help me understand. Give me a chance to accept.
Mikey sighed, realizing that running away was not an option. Not in this case. Not at this particular moment.
With a slight nod of his head, Mikey let him know that he agreed to follow his path and moved, depriving his body of its gentle touch. A tall, slender figure passed him without a word, leading him to a side entrance.
Draken opened a narrow door and entered an equally narrow, dark room. Reaching into the pocket of a long black blouse, he took out a headlamp flashlight and placed it on the designated spot. A wide elastic band trapped a long, blond braid and hid a fragment of a tattoo, decorating the skin just below the hairline. The unusual sight caught Mikey's attention, his eyes adjusting to the new conditions.
– You look beautiful – he commented as a beam of bright light hit the wall and an image of Ken-chin's face bathed in orange glow reached his eyes.
– I know – he agreed, looking up, where a thick rope attached to a wooden trapdoor hung from the ceiling.
Grabbing the end of it, he pulled hard sliding out not very good-looking metal stairs, which after a moment hit the ground with a characteristic sound.
– I'd rather expect something like this on the top floor – Mikey said, watching Ken-chin's actions.
– Consider it as an additional convenience created for the needs of uninvited guests.
Mikey let out a quiet murmur and placed single strands of hair behind his ear.
– I'm impressed, Ken-chin – his voice rang out again.
Mikey's eyes watched Ken-chin as he carefully climbed the steps.
– It's true that the rush in such situations is not advisable, but... – he paused for a moment, slowing his step to prevent a collision – don't you think this is a slight exaggeration?
– Every stage is important. Don't overlook what happens just before you reach your destination.
– You sound like an experienced urban climber – Mikey replied with a hint of irony in his voice.
– Thanks, though it would sound more believable if you put a little less sarcasm into it.
This time Draken didn't hear his best friend's comment. Traveling silently, carefully and extremely slowly the road leading up to an unfamiliar place, Mikey decided to be patient and simply accept the way he was moving.
When they got there, to Mikey's great relief, probably to the height of the second floor, they were greeted by a specific and extremely intense smell of burning.
– What happened here?! – Mikey frowned, covering his mouth and nose with the sleeve of his hoodie.
– Based on the smell, there was a fire – he answered truthfully, moving much faster towards the next door visible in the distance.
– You know what I mean. Don't talk if you don't know the answer – Mikey muttered, looking around the unfriendly space with even more attention.
Draken smiled upon hearing his grumbling voice and purposely didn't respond to his provocation, suspecting it would have the desired effect.
– And now, when I expect some kind of reaction, you stay silent – he heard as expected. – You're doing it on purpose – Mikey added reproachfully.
– Hurry up Mikey or we won't get there before dawn – he urged him, completely ignoring his whining.
– Sometimes I feel like you treat me like a child.
– Sometimes you act like a child – he said, glancing at him over his shoulder from the next room, where rays of light streamed in through a small window, scattering on the worn panels. – Which can be cute.
– Wanna fight? – he countered, feeling the temperature of his cheeks gradually rise.
– Maybe later, let's complete the first goal first – he replied with a smile, patiently waiting for Mikey to join him.
Mikey muttered something and quickened his step. Unaware that Ken-chin really thought of him this way, made him take a hostile or at least not very friendly attitude. As a matter of fact, it was no different from his standard behavior in situations that require extreme attention and caution. However, he was not aware of this, either. The conditions weren't supportive of his rational and accurate judgments.
While Mikey processed possible answers to Ken-chin's not yet spoken aloud questions, Ken-chin himself, wrestled with the locked window.
– God... how lame... – Mikey commented quietly, but not enough to prevent the crucial message from reaching his friend, who was silent despite the obvious insult. – Move, Ken-chin.
Draken stepped back, curiously watching his friend's actions. Mikey's right hand went to the frame just at the top hinge, and with his left hand simultaneously pressing the handle's rotation lock, he pushed hard, closing the window. Pressing the sash against the frame, he grabbed the handle and opened the window in one smooth motion.
– Is that what you wanted to achieve? – Mikey asked, giving him a smug look.
Before the Draken could react in any way, Mikey jumped on the windowsill, only to disappear completely from his sight after a moment. Doing the same, Draken landed smoothly on the dark, slightly sagging surface that covered the narrow passage between the wall of the building and the edge about half a meter away.
– Not this way, Mikey.
Grabbing him by the hood, he tugged gently and steered him towards himself.
The slight bewilderment visible on Mikey's face, provoked Draken to behave contrary to the unwritten rules that had so far characterized their relationship. A relationship lacking the element of something more, something beyond friendship. The invisible barrier he had raised at his own request had never been closer to collapse than at this moment. The dangerously favorable scenery, the relatively short distance that separated them and those dark, shining eyes staring at him were slowly and mercilessly leading him into temptation.
– Ken-chin?
His voice like a punch reached Draken's ears, tearing down the imaginary barrier.
– ...Yes ...let's go – he said, stepping back from the subconscious decisions his nonconventional mind had made.
– Everything's ok? – Mikey asked surprised by the sudden change in his behavior.
This time it was his fingers that tightened on the material of Ken-chin's blouse, effectively stopping his feet from taking another step.
– ...Yeah – he answered after a while, stubbornly looking ahead.
The purpose of this mission was completely different. It had nothing to do with what had come down on him like a questionable grace on a memorable June morning. Not his problem awaited a solution. Not his truth expected to be revealed. It was not the one Mikey was supposed to confront.
– Look Mikey – he said, pointing to a low wall along the narrow road they were following – a pigeon.
– And? – he replied with hesitation.
– Do you think it'll run away if we get closer?
– Knowing very well the habits and life cycle of pigeons – Mikey began, fixing his indifferent gaze on the winged creature – no, wait... I don't care? – he finished, watching it rise into flight and disappear from their sight.
– I sense ignorance. Got a problem with pigeons, Mikey? – he asked, looking at him with a serious expression.
– What? I don't give a damn about pigeons.
– I don't. Did you know that they have something like a compass in their head or that they mate for life?
– Great, now please explain to me... why are we talking about pigeons?
To divert my thoughts from an uncomfortable topic related to you – thought Draken, looking at him almost angrily.
The unfriendliness of his gaze brought confusion to Mikey's irritated mind. Under the influence of the new stimuli, the anger-suppressing mind set the vocal cords in motion, selecting the following words.
– I don't know anything about pigeons, but if it's important to you, you can tell me about them. Just not today – Mikey said, assuming that his indifference to the birds might have offended him.
Ken-chin's reaction only intensified the bewilderment felt by the shorter, blond-haired boy, who was standing completely still. His friend's loud laughter was the last thing he expected in this damned abnormal situation.
– Don't get you – Mikey grumbled, passing him by despite the unfavorable conditions.
– That was stupid – Ken-chin growled, grabbing him firmly by the shoulders and pressing him against the cool wall.
Mikey's back touched the rough surface of the building, and he turned a disbelieving look to his best friend's eyes.
– Not dumber than that – Mikey stated, trying to understand his motives.
– You could have fallen – he said, without loosening the grip around his shoulders.
The scolding look of his dark eyes had never before been so intense and real. Intrigued, Mikey tilted his head back, leaning against the rough surface of the wall, and watched intently the changes on his face.
– You were really afraid for me – he said, letting Ken-chin's strong hands still hold his body.
– I was. What you did was extremely irresponsible. My heart almost stopped.
– I didn't know you are that sensitive.
– And I, that you can be that stupid.
– How many more times are you going to insult me?
– In proportion to the scale of stupidity, which means many times – he replied, measuring him with a critical eye.
– If so, then continue while I continue climbing.
It was quite a challenge to say it in a voice that betrayed no real emotion. Mikey felt extremely out of sorts. He needed fresh air, untainted by the scent of Ken-chin, the intensity of which attacked with its sweet fragrance all his senses without exception. Aware that he was experiencing the impossible, he realized that every second counts.
– Let me go, Ken-chin – he said, desperately listening to the movement of the illusory hands of the nonexistent clock.
Draken's fingers released the material of Mikey's blouse from his grasp, not daring to fight for his own, a need that had been building up for the last long minute. Moving away from him, he directed his feet to the right path and moved ahead without a word.
– Lucky, it's open – Mikey sneered as Ken-chin took advantage of the half-open window to slip inside.
– For me. Yours not necessarily – he replied, trailing his eyes over the inscriptions on the walls with pretended interest.
– There's still a chance – Mikey said casually, stepping closer.
Standing to his left, he directed his gaze to where Ken-chin's eyes in a loop read the words written in green spray.
– Like it? – Mikey asked.
– Yes, there is something in it. The message is simple but surprisingly apt, don't you think?
– It is not society that determines people's futures. It is people who determine society's future* – he read aloud, unable to ignore the clear connections between himself and the quote that Ken-chin's eyes caught among dozens of others.
– Mikey?
– You're right, there's something about it – he replied shortly, not yet ready to take up the subject, and determined to direct Ken-chin's attention to other tracks, he added pointing to the stairwell seen through the slightly open door – will this staircase lead us to the roof?
– Yes – he said, without even looking that way.
– Well, in that case... shall we meet there? – he asked while Ken-chin remained stillness.
– Are you going to leave me here? Alone? – Draken asked, this time setting his body in motion.
Meeting his gaze, he realized that Mikey was close to escaping, that the initial conditions had returned almost with redoubled force.
– I will if you make me.
– You care that much?
– Yes.
– But... there's no point in going to the top without me, right?
Mikey didn't answer. Turning away from him, he freed himself from his gaze and walked toward the stairs mentioned a moment ago. Seconds later, his feet stopped as Ken-chin's hand found his, stopping his entire body from any action.
The warmth Ken-chin felt under his fingers pleasantly teased his touch-sensitive pads, causing him to ignore the intrusive thought in his all-analyzing mind.
How will he explain his behavior?
How will he respond to his obvious surprise?
It didn't matter at the moment.
– I don't know what you're going to do, but...
– Nothing... yet – Ken-chin said half-consciously.
– Yet? – repeated Mikey, struggling to stop the scenarios creating in his head.
– ...Let's focus on you and your confession today – he said, regaining consciousness.
Brutal reality collided with illusion.
– Does that mean you also have something to tell me?
The helplessness Ken-chin felt made him realize the hopelessness of the situation he was in. The fact that his hand was still holding the other one, the one belonging to Mikey, only emphasized the realness of the moment.
– We both live in a bubble of our own reality. Even if we stay with each other, talk to each other, we don't have access to our thoughts, to those we don't want or are afraid to share. I don't know what's going on in your head, Mikey. And you don't know what's going on in mine.
– ...You do realize that after what I've heard, I'm not going to just let you go.
– There's a chance you'll ask me for it yourself.
Mikey hesitated, and his confused gaze traveled down to their joined hands in an almost unbreakable embrace. Is reaching the top was merely an excuse? Isn't confessing the truth a few floors below, in that abandoned, rubble-filled room, was just as appropriate? Does place matter in such a situation? Shouldn't he rely on his own feelings? The ones that are suppressing the irrational fear of leaving his apparent comfort zone at the moment?
– I feel overwhelmed – Mikey said quietly.
His gaze continued to focus on the safe view of their entwined hands.
– I have the impression that my vision of the future does not match the one that is being imposed on me. I'm not sure I can force myself to do things that give me no satisfaction. I don't know if I'm able to...
– Your thinking is wrong, Mikey. You don't have to force yourself to do anything. You decide what your life should look like. You can't shape it under pressure.
– What about you? – Mikey asked this short question, not clear enough considering Ken-chin's current state of mind.
Meeting his gaze, Mikey realized that a million possible answers were running through his uncertainty-filled head.
– Would you say the same if I told you that you are an important part of it? – Mikey clarified, suspecting that such an option wouldn't have crossed his mind after all.
– Part of what? – he asked confused, feeling his heart speed up.
– My future – he replied and poking him lightly, added – focus, Ken-chin.
– ...You need to be more precise, Mikey – he said, trying to sort out the chaotic thoughts that were constantly changing.
– I know, Ken-chin – he said, staring at him with incredible certainty.
Ken-chin's eyes widened, but before he could understand the message behind his words, Mikey's voice rang out again.
– Do you think I don't see the way you look at me? That I don't notice the little gestures? – he asked, moving slightly the hand that had been connected all this time to the one belonging to Ken-chin. – I wonder if my behavior is as easy to read – he finished, reaching for his right hand.
He didn't plan it, but the answer he heard made him trust his words. The words of the person closest to him. Standing right in front of him now, painfully still, with eyes betraying utmost shock and confusion.
– Ken-chin? – said his name, slightly tilting his head in a gesture of impatience and a kind of provocation.
– Your feigned composure pisses me off – he finally said, and the sound of his voice emphasized the irritation he expressed with this surprising statement.
This was not what Mikey had expected. This was not the reaction he was prepared for.
– Admit, that it matters... whether you break me.
– It matters – Mikey replied, noticing Ken-chin's gaze gradually softening.
Staring at each other in silence, both of them unconsciously prepared themselves for what was about to happen. Which was inevitable, obvious given the emotions they hadn't experienced yet.
Ken-chin's sudden movement startled Mikey. Pressed against the wall, he felt the heat of his body, which amazingly penetrated the layer of material, reaching the sensitive skin. The nature of their gaze changed, and the hands, imprisoned only a moment ago, went higher. Mikey's fingertips touched the smooth skin of Ken-chin's face, while feeling his strong arms embrace him, only to find themselves even closer a moment later.
– This is something we haven't done before – Mikey said quietly, running his fingers over Ken-chin's skin.
– As well as this – he added, reducing the remaining space between them to zero.
The sweet scent of Ken-chin captured Mikey's senses once again.
...
*Akane Tsunemori, Psycho Pass
„...maybe i'm a pigeon, maybe i'm a clown
maybe i'm too focused on what's all around
all i ever know is i'm alive then
look up at sky like "guide then"..."
poem to pigeon, shiey
I hope you liked it. Let me know and come read my other ff with Draken x Mikey and Baji x Chifuyu.