I opened my eye's and it was dark. The sun hadn't risen and yet and it took me a moment to adjust my eye sight. I looked up to a worried Kakashi sensei. "Oh my god y/n you're awake. I thought I'd never wake you up. I've been trying to for at least ten minutes you screamed and I couldn't get you to open your eye's. Fuck! I was worried are you alright?"
I sat up still stunned from the dream. What the actual hell was that. I just watched two people die. Maybe three...these nightmares. I..I thought I was over them..guess not. But what made it even worse was that they were connected. It was the same family with the baby. And now their dead... were they my parent's..is that what happened to them..but than how am I still here surely the murderers would've killed me too. I felt like I was starting to hyperventilate when Kakashi sensei hugged me. It felt odd. I tried to push him off but he wouldn't move. He only let go when my breathing went back to normal. He grabbed my face and made me look at him.
"Y/n... what's going on.."
I just dropped my head I didn't want to talk about it. And what made it worse was he was there witnessing my stupid little outburst. I pushed his hands off me and stood without looking at him.
"I need... a minute."
He nodded and I wondered off to a near by stream. I sat down with my leg's under me and splashed the cool water on my face and neck. This stupid jacket was suffocating. I unzipped it and threw it to the ground closing my eye's leaning toward's the water's edge. I opened them again and watched as they stared back at me in the moon light...they felt foreign..like they didn't belong to me. All I could do was sign. I took off my shoes and stockings and dipped my feet in the water. It was ice cold...but it kept me grounded in reality. The cold sting reminded me that I was awake.. Perhaps recent events have... stirred things up. I haven't even really thought about what's happened. This is why I liked going on long missions it gave me something to do...so I couldn't think. And all I had now was time to think. I sighed and let gravity pull me onto my back putting my arms over my eye's. Maybe this was a bad idea... I sat there for a long time, the sun was finally coming up and I could hear bird's in the distance. Kakashi sensei walked over and I heard him sit beside me I felt gentle poking on my leg.
"You good?" I hummed back as a response. It was quite for awhile than he spoke again.
"You wanna talk about it?" I shook my head no. No way am I telling some guy I just met my wacky nightmare's no matter how nice he was!
"Alright...Do you wanna get going?" I nodded yes and he stood up. "Okay. I'll start packing up. Why don't you stay here till I'm ready yeah?"
I nodded yes again and I heard him walk off. I pulled my feet out of the water and put my stocking's and shoes on. I looked for my jacket but couldn't find it. I turned around and seen it sitting with my back pack. My feet slowly carried me back to the campsite my mind lost in thought. Kakashi sensei spoke pulling me back to reality.
"That outfit suits you. Even with out the jacket." He finished smiling at me. I looked down my shirt was nothing special.. it was almost like his but without the mask. I raised my eyebrow at him confused. At least he wasn't trying to bring up the incident this morning. He offered to make breakfast but I refuse. My head hurts to much to eat anything. I put my jacket back on and I swear he pouted. We started walking the trail up to the mountain.
***TIME SKIP 12 O'CLOCK***
Well Kakashi sensei was right. It didn't take all day to get there. Just most of it. By noon I was exhausted. Not sleeping well the night before and lack of food was talking its toll on me. My stomach screamed in protest. Sensei looked back at me and smiled.
"Lunch?" I nodded yes and we finally stopped close to the cliff side.. We had left over rice and man did it tasted good. I never thought I'd look look at left over rice like this. I took my food and and sat on the edge of the cliff. The sun danced on the trees and reflected off a near by water fall we'd seen a yesterday. Once I was finished I leaned back on my arms and relaxed my shoulder's taking it all in. I could see much more of the forest in this direction and it was breathing taking once viewed whole. I closed my eye's taking the sun in and enjoying it's warmth. I heard soft padding on the grass and than he sat beside me. We hadn't spoken since this morning. I just didn't know what to say to him. And he was being nice enough to not pry. Perhaps he was getting to know me after all.
"We should be there in about another three hours." I opened my eye's. "Really? That's great I could use a shower. And I must admit I do miss having a bathroom and stove." He chuckled at me. "Yeah those thing's are nice to have. I miss my bed and the ramen shop down the road from me. I will never underestimate the convenience of take out again." I smiled at him. To be honest I just missed food in general. My food pills were a far cry from left over rice that's for sure. He laid down on his back with his feet dangling of the edge.
"Mind if we stay here for a minute? I'm exhausted." He yawned. "Mind if I explore a bit?" He waved at me than dropped his hand. I shrugged taking that as a yes. So I got up and walked to a small meadow that was close by. It was peppered with little blue flower's. And smelled amazing. I sat down by a big patch of them and ran my fingers over their delicate petal's. After plucking a few I laid in the grass besides them watching the sky. And before I knew it I had fallen asleep.
***Kakashi's Pov***
After about an hour I stretched and sat up. I looked around for y/n but she was no where to be found. Oh god no. Losing her was not okay. It was not in the plan. Okay kakashi. Calm down. It's not like she's a child. The only places she could've went is up the mountain, back down the mountain and he highly doubted that or... he looked to his right and sure enough there she was laying by a patch of flowers. He couldn't tell if she was a sleep or just relaxing so he decided to walk over to her and cast a shadow on her face, but she didn't move. Hmm. So she is asleep. Sigh... he sat down in the grass beside her. I can't wake her up, she really does need her sleep...but we're so close to the house and hot water...and anything but rice. They had been eating it for three day's straight. He wanted real food now. He looked at her again. Mannnn.. fine. I'll give her a few more minutes but than it's time to leave. I looked over at her. If it wasn't for me being able to hear her light breathing I'd think she's dead. Her coat hid everything so he couldn't even see her chest moving, today was the first day he hadn't seen her wearing it and man it did not do her justice. She was slender but tone, her freckles were all over her not just her face. She had an average size chest. Heh.. she was still fourteen so she was technically still growing. No! Stop it Kakashi your being creepy. I shook thoughts of her from my head. My eye landed on some blue flower's on top of her coat being slightly crushed. I plucked them out of her hand and sniffed them. They smell...well like plant's I will never understand why flower's are so important to girl's anyways. All they did was die after a few day's, seems like a waste to me. I looked back to y/n. I wonder what kind of flower's does she like? I shook my head why the hell would I need to know that for. I got up in defeat not being able to get her out of my mind and sat under a near by tree pulling out my book. A breeze came through and hit me in the face and not a second later I sneezed. Now my sneezes aren't normally loud. But we were up on a mountain top so it echoed loudly all around us. Y/n jumped up holding a small knife in her hand looking around in panic than finally laying her eye's on me. I scratched the back of my head.
"Oh uh... sorry about that..." She looked at me in disbelief than turned her face to the side pinching her nose. Well so much for letting her sleep I suppose. Before I could stand she was marching over to me. Oh god why... what did I do. I couldn't help that I sneezed...
"The hell Kakashi sensei you gave me a damn heart attack! I thought we were being invaded by bombs! I was ready to kill you idiot!"
She yelled fuming. But I couldn't take her serious... she was mad yeah... But she was cute when she was mad. I couldn't help but snicker at her outburst. It definitely took him by surprise considering how she was alway's so calm and collected all the time.. but after this morning... whatever the hell that happened maybe I'm in for a lot of of surprises.. before I could speak she interrupted.
"What's so damn funny huh?! How would you tell the Hokage that you killed me by sneezing.?!How do you think he'd react?!"
I busted out laughing after what she said it was so ridiculous I couldn't stand it. And what made it worse was she was actually serious.
"It's not funny you spiky hedgehog! I just saw my life flash before my eye's! And all you can do is fucking laugh!"
My sides were bursting now and I was rolling on the ground holding myself struggling to breath. I had never laughed this hard before and man was it painful. She looked at me angrily that stopped off to her bag and started back up the trail. It took me a few seconds to catch my breath before I could move. I picked up my gear and ran after her. She was walking ahead at a fast pace. Good thing I have long leg's. It didn't take long to reach her and just as I thought she was still mad which brought a smile to my face. This was the longest she'd spoken to me even if it was only because she was angry at me. I couldn't let her go back to silence now. He needed to break down her walls if that meant he had to irritate her to do it than so be it or he could try to get on her level... They both had a really shitty past and maybe he could connect to it some how. I stuck my hands in my pockets and walked beside her for a moment before going through with my plan.
"I am sorry ya know." She scoffed. "Whatever." Hehe yeahhhh. Still a bit mad. "It's not my fault you scare easy." Her face turned red and she stopped so I did too.
"I will have you know sensei that I have infiltrated enemy hideouts. Been in hundreds of battles! But when you exploded it echoed of the mountains and than amplified before coming back to us at a much louder rate than usual... while...I...was...asleep... SO OF COURSE IT SCARED ME! Anyone would have been frightened by it. What I want to know is why YOU think it's so damn funny..."
Hmmm... I acted like I was thinking about it but I knew why it was funny. It was because she was acting like a regular person and not the robot she usually was.
"I guess it caught me by surprise considering how composed you usually are." I continued walking and she stood there confused for a second before running back to me.
"You think..I'm composed?" I shook my head yes. "Yeah I do...a little too composed. At first I was really starting to think that's just who you were..."
I looked down at her trying to reader her face. But it gave nothing away, so I continued.
"You put up this barrier... I don't know what's caused it but I don't know you well enough yet..I know you've been through a whole damn lot but... I just wonder what triggered it.. of course I may never know.. I can't even figure out what trigged mine honestly."
"Wait. You have a barrier? What exactly do you mean by that though?" Damn she was starting off with hard question's I wasn't quite sure how to explain it without sounding stupid. But she was patiently waiting for an answer like alway's... She had so many questions. I just have to explain it the best I can and hope she get's it..
"We'll do you know who White fang is?" She nodded. "Okay well on top of him passing I also got a lot of ridicule for his actions. I was still pretty young when it happened. And my mom well. Died a while before that. I don't really remember her much...Than well... you already know about Obito.. I'm not sure if you knew Rin." She nodded again. "Do you know what happened to her?" Another yes. "Okay.. well you know all of that happening made it hard to get close to people... I know what your going through but maybe not on the same level...or at least I'm handling it in a different way than you are. But everyone handles trauma different."
She looked down and hummed. We walked in silence before she spoke again. "So...is there a way to fix this 'barrier'? I mean I really just don't like people in all honesty. They're shifty and unpredictable... I guess I've been through a lot, at least that's what everyone tell's me... but it doesn't seem to affect me the way people think it should... like... what happened at the compound.. I should probably feel mad or upset...or just anything...but like..I just don't. And maybe I never will... I'm just wired wrong I guess."
I looked at her but her eye's were on the ground. I put the flowers I took from her earlier in her face surprising her. She took them from me not saying a word. Maybe I went a little too deep. So I decided to tell her what I thought was wrong...maybe it would help her to see thing's from a different angle.
"I don't think your wired wrong.. maybe a little disconnected is all. The Hokage told me a few things...and you have been through a lot.. I don't know if you should feel mad or sad about it. Even though you say you feeling nothing..it's not entirely true.. you have emotions. We all do it's human nature. Only true monster's don't. And you miss feisty are no monster that much I can tell...". She didn't speak so I continued.
"You have feeling's somewhere deep...you've just lost that spark that starts them. You'll find it again we all do eventually even I will someday. Trust me kid... I know that feeling well. They'll come out when you least expect it. And I'll be right here waiting...ready to help you go through all of it."
I ruffled her hair. But she didn't respond to it. Damn I was trying to make her feel better but now I'm just depressing us both why do all of our conversation's always end up in the wrong direction. I felt her barely grab my sleeve just enough so I would notice.
"Thank you sensei.." She dropped her hand and sped up to walk beside me. I smiled hoping something I said had helped her. We fell into a comfortable silence the rest of the way.
***TIME SKIP Y/N POV***
I couldn't help but watch Kakashi sensei beside me. He puzzled me... he seemed like such an aloof guy... But after our last conversation he was actually really deep and caring. I just didn't understand it. I've been distant and cold to him. I've pushed him away and ignored him. But he keeps pushing back twice as hard...why...why the hell did he care so much. I wanted to be mad at him but I just couldn't. He was the only one to truly be nice to me... and he was trying to get to know me... A me I wasn't even sure I knew myself. Could what he said be true... Had I pushed everything down so hard for so long that I've lost my spark.. feeling's really weren't my thing. I struggled with them really bad as a kid too. It was the only thing stopping me from becoming a Jonin... the Hokage said I needed to have emotions in order to react responsibly on missions in order to lessen casualties. I had lost many team mate's none of their deaths affected me. Hell I didn't even know their names..., I lifted up my hands and stared at them. My hand's had calluses and cut's everywhere they were worn from the wear and tear of being a shinobi. My black gloves were also really worn, but I couldn't bare to part with them. Grandma had given them to me when I became a chunin. She was so proud that she told the whole block embarrassing me in front of everyone. I couldn't help but smile a bit. She was one crazy woman. You wouldn't dare talk back to her. And heaven forbid you got in trouble when she caught you doing something wrong. I.. missed her. I really did. But I just couldn't feel sad for some reason. That's the emotion I should be feeling now right? I focused on my hands with all my might but nothing happened...although I'm not really sure what I expected anyway's. I let my hands fall to my sides exasperated. Kakashi sensei elbowed me ripping me from my thought's when I looked at him he nodded forward and I followed his motion. Oh my god were here! A small stone house appeared on a hill in front of whole yard was overrun with wild flowers after year's of neglect, a giant Japanese oak stood in the middle of the yard with a swing hanging from it's branches. It was absolutely gorgeous. There were no neighbors no people no cities.. just nature booming all around me. I had to fight the urge to jump up and down like a kid. As I passed the tree I grazed my hand on the swing.
"That swing is older than I am. I don't know how but it's survived all these years. I never could break it and trust me I tried." Kakashi sensei said while still walking towards the house. I followed behind him curious about what the inside of the cute little cottage looked like. He pulled a key from his pocket and unlocked the door. It was stif at first but he managed to get it to slide open. As we walked inside I noticed dust laying over everything like a blanket. He was right we would have to clean.
"Don't bother taking off your shoes for now and let's leave our stuff outside until we can get the placed cleaned up." He said while opening the windows. He came over to me and handed me his bag. I sighed while walking outside. I set our stuff on the porch and slid my jacket off. It was a pain to clean. I grabbed a white cloth from my bag and wrapped it around my face covering my mouth and nose. I walked back in and Kakashi sensei looked at me funny. "Taking this seriously huh?" He asked. I shook my head.
"Cleaning is messy and the last thing I need to do is fill my nose with dust so I can sneeze and alert everyone with in a thousand miles of my presence."
He chuckled at my barb and showed me to a closet with cleaning supplies in it. Alright time to get to work.
After 2 hour's the house was finally clean. We both laid outside in the shade. Both exhausted from the last couple of days exertion and now the top to bottom house clean.
"Tell me why I agreed to this I asked." He laughed "Beats me kid." I smacked his shoulder. "Stop calling me kid... I'm only three years younger than you."
"That still makes you younger." I rolled my eye's... ugh men. The rest of the evening was very uneventful I cooked miso soup and discovered it was one of sensei's favorite foods. He cleaned up after our meal and I took a much needed bath. The steaming water silenced all my aching muscles and pains. I sank down deeper into the giant tub. I was still sifting through the events of the day and hadn't made much sense of it. The only thing I pulled from it was that Kakashi sensei wanted to connect in some way and wanted me to connect with myself too. I wasn't sure how and I didn't really think he knew that either. But for now I'll give him a chance. I got out once I was all pruny and practically melting from the heat. I dried off and put on a regular t-shirt and short's. I walked to the kitchen and grabbed a water from the fridge. Sensei was drying dishes and putting them away.
"By the way how is this house still standing sensei?" He turned to look at me and I saw a small small blush cross his face for a second. Hmmm...
"Huh? Oh I come here every so often I always planned on coming back here to retire eventually and I didn't want the place to fall into too much disrepair. So I've just kept fixing it up as much as possible till that day come's although it'll be awhile heh. I figured while we're here training I'd try fixing what I can."
I nodded than walked into the living room...Hmm so he's dedicated at least. I mean most people would just let it go. This place must mean a lot to him if he plan's on retiring here... I walked to the living room and grabbed by book off the coffee table and sat in a chair. After a few minutes Kakashi sensei did the same as me. I read until my eye's couldn't see straight anymore. My watch flashed 1:32 a.m. I stretched and got up almost stumbling. My leg's didn't want to function properly after being stuck in the same position for so long. I looked over to sensei but his eye was closed I made my way over too him. "Sensei are you awake?" I whispered quietly. He didn't respond so that answered my question. I watched his face he seemed so at ease here. Although I couldn't blame him. I smiled we did have some things in common.. we both loved nature, books, and miso I guess hehe. And we've both have been been through a lot... But in an instant the smile was gone as I wondered how much of a burden I was to him... yeah he's been nice to me and really understanding. But he did have a life and I was getting invading in on it. And to top it all off I was now in his childhood home... I bet he never intended to bring someone like me here. But he had no choice after the Hokage pushed me on him... I looked out the window and sighed unable to understand the Kage's reasoning . The sky was clear and I could really use some air. I wasn't in the mood to look for my telescope so I just settled for sitting on the swing outside. I sat down carefully but the swing held me fine. Ahh. He was right again. I leaned my head on the rope and looked up to the sky begging for some answers but it just mocked me with it's beauty.. I sat there thinking...trying to understand everything that was happening around me right now..everything that was happening inside me right now.. my nightmare's...the clan...now sensei... Just everything...I was lost in the sea of stars stuck in my thoughts. I covered my eye's with my hand as the sun started to rise. Dawn already huh? Damn I hadn't realized how long I'd been sitting here. Shit I hadn't slept but I just didn't care I was no closer to figuring anything out. And I was just too mentally tired to care. But my body was on edge for some reason.. I was so distracted that when a hand touched my shoulder I jumped up and squeaked... yeah a fucking squeak! I turned around to see a very amused Kakashi sensei standing there smiling at me.
"Hey kiddo. Whatcha doing?" He asked tilting his head to the side it made him look...cute. No the hell?! Not cute strange..
"What the hell! Is it your personal job to just scare me too death? I'm going to put a damn bell on you like a damn dog!"
He put his hand under his his chin and hummed. I was about to choke him when he finally spoke.
"So I'm a dog not a hedgehog? I mean that's what you said yesterday anyways. I think I like being the dog better. Their cute and can be stealthy too. Like me apparently." He cocked his eyebrow at me.
I am going to end up killing him before this is all over so I don't die in some freak accident. He smiled than pointed in my direction. "But I'm not here to listen about what animal I am. I want to know why you are out here. Have you even been to bed?"
I shook my head no and he sighed. "Why?" "Just have a lot on my mind I guess." He stared me down for a minute. "I'd ask if you want to talk about it. But I'm pretty sure I know the answer." I looked to the ground. "Yeah I figured...well it's okay I guess...I have some thing's I want to do around the house. So why don't you sleep till I'm done yeah?"
I shook my head yes. "Do you want me to make breakfast before I sleep?" He shook his head no. "Nah. It's fine I'm a big boy. Plus there's leftovers in the fridge that'll be fine. Now go to bed kid."
I sighed at the stupid nickname he continued to use but said nothing and went inside I found the room he was lending to me. It was his old room he said. It was plain. Light faded blue walls. Faded wood flooring and a bed that was a bit small but I wasn't particularly big either. I closed the curtains and called under the cover's. They smelled a little like Kakashi sensei...than I feel asleep.
—authors note—
Hello everyone! I hope you're enjoying the story so far! I know it's a bit slow right now. But I do love a burn. Plus from my perspective, I think Kakashi would take quite a while to fall in love with someone and your character is the same way. Plus this is just book one if I play my card's right it'll be a three book series. Anywho we gotta establish those bonds! It'll start picking up soon! I would love some feed back of what you think! And tell me how you feel about how the story has progressed so far. Anyways...thanx for reading! Tata for now...