Her body ached for him. Every limb in her body craved his touch. She longed for his soft kisses, the way he tucked her into the bed when she was tired. She rolled over and grabbed her phone. 3:27 AM, the clock read. She groaned and rolled back over. Days without Devin sucked. They were lonely and boring. But nights without Devin seemed to drag on forever. She closed her eyes and snuggled into his side of the bed. It wasn't really his. They didn't live together, even before he left. But Devin always slept on the left side, and Fatima took the wall side. Being sandwiched between a wall of pillows and Devin made for nights that went too fast, and sunrises that came way too early. She snuggled back under the blankets and buried her face in his pillow. He'd been gone so long his scent seemed to fade. Her pillow didn't smell like him anymore. She wanted to call him. She wanted to FaceTime him. But she couldn't. She didn't know where he was, or even what he was doing. She didn't even currently know if he was alive. All she got was a pathetic email once a week from his new boss, letting her and the rest of the team know he was alive. Once a week. Every Sunday. It was just barely Thursday now. She buried her face deeper in his pillow hoping for just a whiff of his scent.

"I miss you. Come home," she whispered through tears. "Please."

The next morning, she crawled out of bed. She showered quickly, then went through her routine. Clothes. Breakfast. Makeup. Backpack. She tried to force herself to smile, but she couldn't. It had been six months since she'd seen Devin. Six months since he'd pushed her into her bed, kissing her passionately. Six months since she'd woken up next to him. Six months since he pretended to not check her out when they got dressed. She buried her face in her hands and sobbed. As she was walking out, she noticed the mailman walking up.

"Morning, ma'am. Got a letter for you here," he said softly. "No return address. I wonder what that's about." Fatima accepted it and thanked him, then examined it carefully. She ran her fingers over the envelope, hoping she'd be able to detect anything that wasn't supposed to be there. She opened it slowly and carefully. It was a single piece of notebook paper. She unfolded it slowly.

"To my whole world,

I'm so sorry I haven't been able to contact you. I can't tell you where I am or who I'm with, no matter how much I want to. It hurts me so much knowing you've probably moved on already but I need you to know that I will always love you. Always. I promise you that I'm safe and I promise that I trust the people watching my back. I'm doing good work here and I believe the mission is almost complete. Knowing that completing this mission is the only thing between me and you gives me the motivation to do this even faster. My love, it is my sincere hope that I will return by the end of next month. I know it seems like forever to you, it does to me too but if we already survived six months apart then surely we can survive one more. I love you so, so much and I'm sorry I haven't written to you sooner. Because of the circumstances of my mission I have been unable to disclose my location to anyone, but you can thank Hetty for pulling strings and getting this to the nearest official military base. Fatima, I know you think I'm in Syria right now because I am with Hetty, but that is not true and I beg you to not try to find me. I wish I was in Los Angeles with you right now. Please give Jordyn a big hug from me, and Hetty sends you one.

I love you,

From Devin"

Fatima began to cry again. She folded the note back up and set it in her backpack nervously. She noticed that there was another paper. She picked it up and unfolded it, and noticed that it was filled with doodles. A cartoon guy and a hijabi girl. She realized that he must have been doodling them when he was bored. She smiled softly and started her car. She spent most of the drive thinking about a way to send a letter back. It was an unofficial mission. They weren't even at a base. Fatima wondered if anyone knew they were there. She wondered if they were in a safehouse.

The next month and a half seemed to drag on forever. Fatima's days were repetitive and boring. She woke up at around 3 in the morning, longed for Devin, occasionally touched herself to the thought of him, fell back asleep until seven, went to work, came home, watched a few hours of crappy TV, then crawled in bed and went to sleep. Rinse and repeat, she figured. Fatima was about to get in bed for the night when she heard a soft knock on her front door. She groaned and stood up, loosely wrapping her blanket around her head in place of a hijab. She wondered who could possibly need her this late at night. At the last second she grabbed the gun she kept hidden by the door. She opened the door cautiously and joy immediately filled her body. She squealed and dropped the gun, immediately pulling the visitor inside.

"Tree!" she giggled, wrapping her arms around him and burying herself in him. Devin laughed and grinned as she practically tackled him to the ground.

"Hah, hey," he said, rubbing her back softly. "Let me grab my bag. Babe, baby, I know you just want to snuggle and love me but let me bring my bag in and go to the bathroom," he whispered as Fatima kissed his jaw.

"I don't wanna let go. I'm never letting you go anywhere without me ever again," she whispered. Tears stung her eyes and she buried her face in his chest.

"Baby I promise I'm not going anywhere. I promise. Baby." He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead and gently eased them both off the ground. Fatima slowly let go and her hands immediately began to shake. "I promise I'm not going anywhere. Just let me get my bag," he whispered. Fatima nodded slowly and he grabbed his bag from the front porch. He closed the door behind him and Fatima moved the blanket to be wrapped around her shoulders. Devin set his bag behind the couch and kissed Fatima's cheek before slipping into the small bathroom. "Still haven't expanded this thing, I see," he teased from behind the door. Fatima laughed. "I wanna take a shower. You coming?" he asked. Fatima felt a sudden wave of uncertainty. She wondered what Devin had done while away from her for seven and a half months. Seven and a half months. She didn't go around having sex with random guys. It wasn't really her thing. Not that she had a problem with women that did though. But she felt like seven and a half months was a long time to expect Devin to remain abstinent and wait for her. Especially since they were never "officially" together. She wondered if he'd noticed she gained a few pounds. She wondered if he'd still find her attractive. "Babe? I'm sorry, I didn't hear your answer," he said softly, poking his head out. Fatima realized the shower water was now running. Her hands shook and she began to cry. Devin ran over to her. "Hey, hey," he whispered, rubbing her shoulder. "What's the matter, baby?" Fatima sniffled.

"You're not gonna think I'm hot anymore," she managed to say.

"Says who?!" Devin asked her.

"I gained weight while you were gone and you probably had sex with other girls and-"

"Fatima, stop. Stop it. I don't care how much you weigh. I don't care what your body looks like. You are a thousand percent stunning and I'll fight anyone that says otherwise. And no, I didn't sleep with other girls. I promise," he whispered. "I promise you. I waited because I knew you would be hurt if I did. I wanted to wait until I could come home and be with you." His soft words comforted Fatima. "If you don't want to take a shower with me, that's okay. It won't be an issue and I'll still love you just as much as I would if you said yes. But baby, I need you to know that I'm not gonna stop loving you. No matter what your body looks like, you're always gonna be the sexiest girl in the world for me. Okay?"

Fatima nodded slowly. "Okay," she whispered. She set the blanket on the couch and followed him into the bathroom. Devin closed the door behind her and smiled softly as he ran his hand under the water to make sure it was warm enough. He pulled his shirt off and tossed it into the hamper, then went for his jeans. Fatima's hands shook when she realized she was expected to do the same. She didn't know why this felt unfamiliar. They'd showered together a million times. They'd slept together more than that. Fatima was pulled from her trance when she noticed a scar on Devin's back that had not been there when he'd left. "Hey! What happened to your back?!" she asked.

"Got cut. Baby, I am fine. I promise," he whispered. His hands found the bottom of her tank top and he slowly lifted it up, revealing her stomach. He pulled it up some more to reveal her now bare chest, and then gently over her head. Fatima felt tears sting her eyes. She wanted to stop him, but she didn't even know how. "Just as beautiful as I remember," he whispered. Fatima didn't feel beautiful. She wanted to curl up in a little ball and cry.

"Give that back!" she shouted. Devin was taken aback and immediately passed her the tank top back, along with a towel. Fatima got dressed and ran out of the room, closing the door behind her. Devin decided to follow her but keep a safe distance. He saw her launch herself into her bed and softened immediately when she grabbed his pillow. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

"Don't be. You did nothing wrong." Devin leaned against the wall and smiled softly.

"I don't know why I feel like this," she said quietly.

"Baby, you're dealing with a lot. I can't imagine how hurt you were when Kilbride told you that I just left without a word," he whispered. "And I'm sorry for leaving the way I did. I wanted to call you, to tell you I love you and would be back for you-"

"So why didn't you?!" she sobbed.

"I don't know. I know you don't like that answer but it's true. I don't know why I didn't bother saying goodbye. Maybe it's because I was too selfish and only cared about how this would affect me," he said quietly. "But I'm sorry. You should have heard it from me, and I promise if there is a next time, I'll do it right. Okay?" he said quietly. Fatima nodded.

"Okay," she whispered. "Can you take your shower then come meet me here?" she asked quietly.

"Sounds perfect to me," he replied. They shared several soft kisses before Devin gently pulled away.