Part II:
For as much time as he felt it took to say goodbye to Lois, the next 24 hours seemed to go by rather quickly. He had wished for a distraction and, boy, did he get one. After returning to the barn, he was suddenly attacked by some huge bulking figure wielding some sort of axe that cut through him which shocked him as he only knew one thing that could cut through him until that point. This event was quickly followed by a more shocking one, travelers from the future came to his rescue.
They were an odd bunch the three of them, claiming to be a group called the Legion. The future they had described to Clark seemed like one he could only hope to help create. He wasn't so sure that he was as much up to snuff as these three made him out to be. The events that ensued were ones that he wasn't even sure he had been expecting.
Chloe was found fully possessed by brainiac. The Legion helped to extract Braniac from her completely getting Chloe back to her usual self which Clark was more than thankful for. This time around, she even remembered his secret which more than worried him. He decided after all the events and a night of sleep to check in on her.
"Hey Clark," she said before busying herself around the apartment as she packed. Since the whole possession-exorcism thing, Chloe had finally started feeling more like her usual self. Although, she knew she would miss the whole supercomputer brain piece. That honestly was more of a perk than anything. "I'm just packing to go to Star City. Jimmy's apparently out of surgery and on the recovery mend." She smiled over at him as she continued to pack. "Plus, I can finally relieve Lois of her nursing duties."
Lois, Clark had been thinking about her since she left. He worried she might never come back with how their last meeting ended, and there had been a dozen times he wanted to text her but hesitated. When Chloe had been rescued and back to her normal self, he had finally caved and sent her a quick text. 'Chloe's safe and sound. Hope you're not getting too comfortable in that city.' He felt it said enough even though he wanted to say more. He wanted to say that he missed her. He wanted to tell her that he hoped she comes home sooner rather than later. But, for now, he remained in safe territory.
When he didn't receive a text back, he had really questioned having sent anything, but, knowing Lois, this was her way of dealing with the whole situation between them. It made his confidence sink into a puddle. "Well, I'm sure Jimmy will like you better as a nurse than Lois," he replied not wanting to breach the whole Lois subject with Chloe.
Unfortunately for him, she already knew he was somewhat avoiding bringing up her cousin. Clark Kent wasn't known for his deception that's for sure. "How's things since Lana came back into your orbit?" It was a leading question, and she knew it. But if Clark was going to break her cousin's heart in two, he deserved her pressing him a bit.
"It's not like that," he responded sheepishly not sure how to describe to Chloe anything about what he had been thinking lately. Lana coming back had reminded him of a simpler time in his life; or rather he thought it was simpler. Looking back as he had these past few days, he wasn't so sure about that now. Had his life ever been simple? Or had it just been one test after another? Looking over at Chloe and her insistent gaze, he seemed to relent. "I mean, we haven't gotten a chance to talk about it considering we had that whole Braniac thing." He shrugged simply knowing the conversation wasn't going to be over. The one thing he learned about Lois and Chloe, they were both unrelenting when they smelled blood.
"Well, Clark, coming from experience here, when it comes to the you and Lana triangle, the tip usually is the one that gets hurt." She gave him a look as if to say 'come on Clark you're not fooling anyone'. But, it being Clark, he feigned innocence as if she hadn't been his friend for over a decade now.
"I'm not sure what you mean." He did know what she meant. He dreaded what she meant.
Chloe rolled her eyes. "I mean Lois." There she stated it blankly. His stupid farm boy routine wasn't going to work this time. "Yeah, it's that obvious." She was surprised that he would even pretend with her. For a man keeping such a large secret, he was never good at lying. Made her wonder how she missed it all those years before knowing.
"Lois is just so," he paused trying to find the words and also trying to look anywhere but at Chloe. How was he supposed to describe someone so bull headed, rash, and unrelenting? Who was also kind, caring, and always there right when he needed her as of late? Someone who would go head first into danger for a story, but also would spend months helping her cousin plan her perfect wedding even though she hadn't fully been sold on the guy at the time? He wondered if there would ever be a singular word to describe such a person, but he supposed that would never be the case.
"Lois," Chloe finished knowing there was really no other adjective to describe her cousin. She knew all too well the seeming juxtaposition that was Lois Lane.
Clark smiled a little and nodded his head. "Yeah," he agreed looking over at the window of the Talon apartment. Lois was the only way to describe her. He was sure somewhere in history her name would become some sort of adjective for a person of her sort if there was ever another like her. "Seeing Lana here, it's brought up a lot of old feelings." He shrugged as that was true. Whether those feeling were good or bad, he hadn't quite pin pointed that. While a part of is heart would always care for her, there was another piece of him that felt completely left behind and betrayed. He felt unmoored the minute he saw her at the wedding as the calm waves he surrounded himself with began to violently thrash. "It also has made it more evident than ever how different of people we are." He swallowed remembering their interaction at the wedding and in the hospital. Those moments alone really showed just how different they had become over the years even when they were together.
Chloe's eyebrows rose above her head shocked at Clark even admitting that. She had never known Clark not to fall at Lana's feet the moment the woman chose to give him attention. Lana seemed to always be a drug Clark couldn't quite quit even if the two weren't great for each other. "Sounds like you two will have a lot to talk about then," she responded neutrally holding her gaze on Clark. "I understand needing closure, Clark. Just, promise you're not gonna slam my cousin in the door," she said with all seriousness in her voice. There was a veil of a threat in her voice. It was one thing to finally give it a try with the on-again-off-again girlfriend of the past, but it was a whole other thing to lead her cousin on only to set her up for failure. Chloe knew that journey all too well.
He furrowed his brows at what she said as the guilty feeling in his gut seemed to come hurtling back. "Yeah," was all he could respond. He didn't want to slam the door on Lois, he had decided as much at the wedding, but he was more worried she was slamming the door on him. Although, with all Chloe said, could he really blame her? "Well, tell Jimmy I miss him, and I hope he's feeling better."
Typical Clark Kent move, avoiding a subject he feels badly about. Chloe almost had to internally roll her eyes. She could hear the implication of his words and the subtext. Tell Lois I miss her, and that he hopes she's not mad at him. If Chloe knew her cousin, Lois was mad and scared, and she was showing as much by running away and trying to stay away. She had a feeling it was going to take some convincing to get her to face the reality that awaited back in Metropolis. "I'll let both Jimmy and Lois know," she responded knowingly giving him a playful look.
"Thanks, Chloe." It was all he could respond with. He knew Lois was avoiding him, and he knew why. He needed to get this Lana mess figured out. At the wedding, he had realized he didn't really need the closure he thought he needed. Before, he might've thought that feelings couldn't be forgotten or go away in less than a year, but, now, he realized maybe they could at least change. He wasn't sure if he still loved Lana, maybe a part of him always would. But did he really love who she was now? Could he even know that if he didn't know her?
He pulled out his phone sending a simple text to Lana 'lunch today?'. A quick response came, and he realized he now had a place to be. The hide-and-seek game he'd played his whole life to avoid being hurt or hurting others would have to come to an end. He couldn't keep avoiding unpleasant conversations in hopes things would resolve themselves or go away. He was learning that only kept making them resurface at the worst possible times. Those unresolved feelings would have to be talked through. "Travel safely, Chloe," he said throwing her one last Clark Kent caring look.
"Thanks, Clark. Let me know if you need anything from me," she responded almost glad to not be the one in the middle of the Clark and Lana drama. From an outside perspective, she could see how miniscule it all seems. If only she could go back and tell her teenage self that. As great as Clark Kent was, being his friend made her see all the flaws he had that she was willing to ignore when she was in love with him. Sure, he could run faster than a speeding bullet and lift cars above his head, but he was still a man trying to grow up and figure out his feelings. She just hoped he did it sooner rather than later.
With that, Clark super sped away.
Meanwhile in Star City, Lois was by Jimmy's bed more than antsy and distracted. Her leg bounced as she sat in the chair staring at her phone. The text Clark had sent her felt like a white flag, and she didn't know how to reply or if she even wanted to. Her fingers hovered over her phone in a teasing manner as if to torture herself. Would she draw up a treaty or close the curtains on him? She wasn't quite sure.
"You know, legs, if you keep staring at that phone, it might burst into flames," Oliver quipped as he entered the room with a smirk on his face.
Lois looked up at him and relaxed her once worried expression into her teasing one. "Haha, Oilver." She rolled her eyes thanking the levity that her ex-boyfriend turned best friend brought. It would at least distract her from the impending decision that lay in her lap. "Chloe's been found. She's safe," she spoke out loud finally which almost caused her whole body to audibly relax. While nervousness also seemed to creep up from the corners of what that meant for her, she was happy her cousin was safe.
Taking a seat across from Lois on the other side of Jimmy's bed, Oliver knowingly looked over at her. "So, does this mean you're heading back to Metropolis?" A part of him was sad at the thought. He liked having Lois here. It was like old times with the two of them. Plus, he knew how much of a liability Clark could be sometimes when it came to the people he left in his emotional wake. A part of him wanted to protect her from that as long as he could. Although, the logical side of him knew one couldn't run from the truth for too long. Lord knows he'd tried it in the past and continued to.
Looking up at him, a heavy weight filled her stomach. Where once she felt a serene relaxing of her muscles, now she felt everything tense up. She felt jittery and nauseous all at the same time. "I don't know," she responded truthfully. Did she want to go back and face the truth that awaited her? Was it not easier to run from it and live in deluded bliss? "I mean, at least not until Chloe's here." She fidgeted with the phone in her hand not wanting to know what she'd go back to. It was almost better to stay in Star City and torture herself with the possibilities than face the reality.
"You can't avoid your life forever, Lois," Oliver commented giving her a small smile. He wondered if this is how she had felt about him at one point in time. Her sitting by the phone wondering if he would call her and come back. The thought he put her through such torment hurt his own feelings a bit. How stupid he had been back then. "It's easier to face the reality then dream up scenarios in your head. Trust me on that."
Lois looked at him biting the inside of her mouth in thought. She knew she was being quiet for her. She just wasn't even sure what to say. She knew Oliver was right, but her fear kept winning over her sanity. "Yeah," she trailed off a bit. "I mean, I could always stay here. Maybe get a job in town. Constantly show up places to annoy you," she quipped trying to find familiar ground. Yes, this was safe territory. Territory she could keep her two feet on. Territory that she could use to bury any sort of emotional topic with.
Oliver chuckled and shook his head. Where before he thought Lois and Clark were polar opposites, he was starting to see their similarities. Both seemed to care so deeply for the people around them to the point of neglecting themselves, yet both seemed to always avoid hard conversations when it came to that of the heart. He couldn't believe he hadn't seen it before just how similar the two were. "As much as I would love to have you here, Lois, and, if that's what you really wanted, I'd support it, I don't think it is." The thought saddened him because he knew at one point it was exactly what she wanted and would've offered him, but that was over a year ago, and both of them had changed. There was a long pause between the two. Lois lost in her head. Oliver patiently waiting which was getting harder by the second, and he finally broke the silence. "Where's that usual Lois fighting spirit?"
She looked up at him surprised by what he just said. She was asking herself that same question these days. Is it because she knew the fight wasn't worth it? No, that wasn't it. Or was it because the fight scared her? That fighting for this would mean fighting for something real and for herself. Or maybe she felt it was a fruitless fight? One that would not yield a win nor a constellation prize but rather would only leave bodies in its wake.
"The Lois I know wouldn't go down without a fight," he continued having leaned forward in his chair elbows on his legs. "And she would've set me straight if I was acting this stupid." He couldn't believe he was convincing his ex to go run into the arms of another man. He really had changed in the last year.
Lois looked down at her phone then back at Oliver. "What if it's a losing fight? The General always said to calculate the effort of the wars you wage," she started only for Oliver to cut her off with a chuckle.
"Lois, you and I both know this isn't war." He shook his head. "Listen, I'm not trying to tell you what to do. I'm just saying, if you don't put up a little bit of a fight, I think you'll regret it." She looked like she was about to protest, so he held up his hand. "Legs, I'm coming from a place of experience on this one," he finished giving her a sincere look that conveyed all it needed to. He should've fought for her more. He knew that now in retrospect.
Swallowing thickly, Lois nodded her head in response. "Maybe you're right," she conceded all too nervous at the prospect. After a day of staring at her phone, she finally got the nerve to reply. 'Thanks' it was simple, so she decided to send a follow up one. 'Hopefully the bull pen hasn't missed me too much.' With that she set down the phone on her lap. Her nervous energy began to relent, as her shoulders sagged forward. A tiredness hit her as if she hadn't slept in days. The last 24 hours, she'd been in nonstop fight or flight, and she was starting to feel it. "I'm going to go lay down, would you mind keeping an eye on him," she asked Oliver in which he responded with a simple nod.
Clark had shown up to the Talon which seemed empty for a weekday and looked around. He expected to see Lana seated somewhere in a corner, but instead she was helping make drinks behind the counter. It was weird seeing her in this place doing something that felt so normal. He almost felt transported back to a time he'd forgotten. Sauntering over to the counter, he sat down and looked up at her. "You know, if I squint a bit it's almost like we're fourteen again." He meant it as a joke of levity to cut the tense situation between them.
"You say that like it's a good thing," she retorted making her way to the other side of the counter knowing the staff could take care of the bare bones crowd. She remembered being fourteen and feeling so trapped in the role she had created for herself based on an image of her parents that didn't even exist. Lana Lang high school cheerleader, honors student, popular and pretty, any high school boy's dream. She almost had to chuckle at the nativity and flawed thinking of her younger self. She knew in retrospect that image she created was her way to cope with the tragic and sudden loss of her parents, but she was glad she wasn't that girl anymore. She had forged her own path with it's rocky flaws and all, and she liked that. "I think we both know we're not those teenagers anymore."
Nodding his head in agreement, Clark smiled slightly. "Yeah, we really aren't." He knew this to be fact. He remembered the clumsy and unsure fourteen-year-old he used to be. The one who was always questioning who he was; the one too scared to talk to the pretty girl next door; the one filled with unrealistic dreams of normality to escape the ever growing weirdness of his life. A part of Clark was thankful he wasn't that kid anymore.
Lana gestured her head towards a table nearby they could sit at, and Clark followed suit. Taking a seat, they both looked at each other and sensed a feeling of uncertainty and unfamiliarity. It really felt like two teenagers in that moment sitting down for their first date neither knowing really about the other but excited yet absolutely scared to find out.
"So, should I start this awkward conversation or should you," she asked letting out a chuckle hoping it made this whole thing more painless for everyone. He chuckled in response, but upon the followed silence she finally spoke. "You know, I always knew the world needed you more than I did," she started giving almost a sad smile towards him. Her whole life she never felt like enough. She never felt she quite reached the trail left by the ghosts of her mother and father. Sitting here now, she felt more sure of who she was and who she was becoming. That feeling of unworthiness had faded, but sitting her in front of Clark, that feeling of inadequacy came back. His overpowering super presence always seemed to linger in any room he entered.
"But I didn't want the world, Lana," Clark retorted both knowing the sentence ended with 'I wanted you'.
Lana nodded her head. "Yeah, I know." And if she could travel back in time, she'd talk sense into her past self. But this was today. "Had I made different choices, maybe we could've made this work," she continued. "But I still have that feeling that I'm holding you back, Clark." It was the truth. She wouldn't expand on the Prometheus suit or how she hoped it could create equal ground between them. Maybe once it was all over she could talk with him again and try to make it work. Assuming she didn't die in the process.
"I think we both could've made better choices," he admitted looking off in the distance as if lost in a past memory. "A part of me thinks that I loved you, and the other part of me wonders how much it was you I loved or the idea I created of you," he spoke somewhat bluntly but needing to voice the thought out loud. He knew it hurt them both to hear.
The stinging of the statement stuck with Lana. She also wondered that sometimes. "I think there was a time when you knew me and loved me, at least I'd like to think that. But this doesn't feel like a conversation between two friends." Another pause as the implicated words hung in the air. It feels like a conversation with two strangers. "Doesn't mean we couldn't get to know the people we are today," she offered a bit hopefully. Clark was the one thing she didn't want to let go of in her life even though a part of her knew she might have to in order to become the hero she wanted to be.
Clark nodded his head and smiled slightly. "Yeah, if you're planning on sticking around, that would be nice." He didn't want her completely out of his life. A part of him did love Lana that much he knew. He just wasn't sure they could ever pick up where they left off. "Lana, when you sent that tape," he started finally ripping the band aid off.
"Clark," she started to interrupt, and he shook his head silencing her. He needed to say this.
"When you sent that tape, it hurt. I was devastated. With all our history, I just thought I at least deserved that to be an in-person conversation, but you left it so it was one sided. I never got to state my peace." He was agitated as the old wounds began to seep up. He remembered that night. He had put the tape into the VHS a part of him knowing it couldn't be good news but doing it anyway. The words she had said stung him as the only person he had loved disappeared from his life. Sitting here, a part of him felt he was that person watching the tape again or maybe the person before the tape; the person she had left behind. A part of him had sat frozen in that moment refusing to move forward. The other part of him persisted knowing change was needed. Not too long after that, he had joined the Daily Planet and began trying to be the hero he wanted to be. It would seem that, as everyone else moved on, he eventually had as well.
Swallowing thickly, Lana nodded her head. She wondered how he had felt after watching the tape. Everywhere she had run following leaving Smallville, she had wondered about Clark. She wondered if he still rode his horse to their old tree in the meadow they used to picnic at in hopes she would be there waiting for him. She had wondered if he was just at the farm waiting for her to walk through the door life a soldier returning from war. Eventually, when she started seeing the articles he was writing and the ones about his save, she wondered if he was sending her a message from a universe away hoping she'd receive it. Now, she realized while she had sat there frozen in a moment in time, he had moved on as everyone else had. "And what exactly would you have said," she asked not really wanting to explain the circumstance behind the video and how she didn't want to leave.
He took a deep breath and stared at her intently. "I would've told you not to run. To fight for what we had. That you were more than enough, and you weren't holding me back." He said it with such certainty it took Lana aback. He sighed shaking his head. "But, maybe a part of what you said was right. We'll never know now." And that was the reality that sat in front of them. They could go over the what ifs over and over again, but it wouldn't matter. The decisions had been made, and they both followed the paths they had laid for themselves. He knew that now.
She licked her lips which had become dry in the conversation and slowly nodded her head. "I kind of wish I had talked to you in person now." She let the words hang in the air that sat between them. Maybe it was easier if he didn't know what she had been through. She could leave and fulfill her life's mission, and he could continue on being the hero he was always meant to be. The world would be better for it. "So, where do we go from here," she asked feeling in her hearts she knew the answer.
"Is there any part of you that still loves me," he asked veering the conversation and catching Lana by surprise. He didn't want to ask the question, but a part of him had to know. Was this conversation really all for not? Was it a useless conversation to bring the allusion of closure to them both in hopes of them moving forward?
"Of course, there is, Clark," she answered sincerely, softening her expression. How could he have thought otherwise? She swallowed knowing why, she'd left. "There's a part that will always love you." It was the truth which felt relieving to admit out in the open after months of being away.
He nodded his head finding comfort in that. "Well, then maybe we just get to know who we are now," he responded feeling a part of himself heal that he didn't know had been broken.
"Well then, I'm Lana Lang," she responded jokingly as she stuck out her hand a smile adorning her face. She was just happy he was willing to build any sort of bridge to her considering what he thought he knew.
"Clark Kent," he responded mirroring her gesture.
"It's very nice to meet you, Clark Kent," she answered feeling a sense of ease between them she hadn't felt in a long while. In the small crevice of her mind, she knew they'd never be as close as they once were. She knew they probably would never return to the great love story that once felt like their lives, but at least she could keep him around in a different way. Make room for him in a different way.
"Same to you," he responded throwing her a small smile. While he knew he would never stop seeing her as the girl next door he knew, he did feel like he was slowly bridging the gap with who he knew and who she was now. Two very different people and yet somewhere deep down they were the same. Two lost people with tragic stories trying to find their way in the dark. He felt comfort knowing he didn't need to lose her friendship, but he also knew they'd never be how they were before. The pain that seemed to always linger in the back of his mind suddenly alleviated slightly, and he was grateful in that moment for the growth he was making in life.
Lois was more than happy to catch up with her cousin once she arrived. The amount of emotion she felt when she actually saw her in person was more than overwhelming. Her family was back. All was okay in the world. If nothing else, she could find solace in that.
After catching her up on Jimmy's condition, and all that had happened while she was in Star City, Chloe had happily filled her in on what she missed on the home front which wasn't much. Lois did note how much she was avoiding the topic that was Clark Kent which only added to the continued sinking feeling she had felt since the wedding. It felt like a foreboding warning sign that flashed above her cousin.
When she felt she couldn't take it anymore, she finally broke and asked, "So, how The Planet? Things falling apart without me?" She tried to say it as briskly as she could manage, but she knew her cousin wasn't going to fall for it. She chastised herself and her stupid feelings all at once in that moment.
Chloe's face turned into a small smile giving her cousin a knowing look. "Clark's okay," she responded waiting to see her cousin's reaction.
There goes the ship, Lois thought as her insides felt like they were filling with water as she desperately tried to pale the water out. "I didn't ask about Clark," she responded rolling her eyes and playing it off. Well, that's just great. He was doing just fine without her. She should've known better than to think anyone would ever need her or care if she was around.
Rolling her eyes, Chloe shook her head. "Lois, he misses you," she finished now more than ever grateful she wasn't the one caught up in this deranged love triangle with Clark. She definitely did not miss those days. After a brief pause and the small smile that had started to appear on Lois's face, Chloe grew concerned. "Listen, Lo, having been the third point in the triangle with Lana and Clark," she paused trying to find the words. "Just, don't get your hopes up. It hurts more," she finished remembering the wounds that had been left on her after the ordeal.
Lois swallowed the thick bile that had built up at Chloe's words. It was a fear she was feeling that was all too familiar, but what a role reversal. She missed those days when she was having to lecture her cousin about the danger that was Clark Kent and Lana Lang. And now, here she was on the other side. She put on a brave face and chuckled shaking her head. "Lois Lane, a third point? Please. Clark can be with whoever he wants to be with. I don't care." But she did care, and she knew that. She also knew this is why she had been avoiding going back. To hypothesize a situation was one thing because there was always a possibility, but to see the reality was another.
"Sure, Lo," Chloe responded knowing all too well what her cousin was dealing with. "So, when are you planning on heading back? Not that I don't love you here and would be happy to have you around."
Lois chewed the inside of her mouth in thought. "There's just so much to be done here, you know. I mean with Jimmy how he is, and you have to run a business. I could stay for a bit longer and make sure everything is okay and all. With you recovering, I wouldn't want to just leave you here with all of this." She was rambling, she knew it. But the truth was, she didn't want to face the reality yet. Sure, she missed her job and The Planet and her regular life even. She just wasn't sure if she could face Clark.
Chloe smiled and shook her head. For two of the most stubborn caring people she knew, both Lois and Clark were so blind and bullheaded when it came to dealing with their emotions. For as different as they were, Chloe could almost see how they were two sides of the same coin. "Lois, you can stay as long as you want." She paused noticing Lois visibly relax. "But, again from experience, ripping off the band aid will make your life so much easier than trying to band aid a wound that needs stitches." She patted her cousin on the shoulder and walked past her. "Now, I believe my husband should be waking up soon. So I will just," and with that, she went through the hospital door and into Jimmy's room leaving Lois in the hall.
Lois rolled her eyes and contemplated what her cousin and Oliver had both said to her. For being two people she loved and held dear in her life, they sucked when it came to allowing her to stay in denial. She supposed it was karma of some kind. All those times she had to pull their heads out of their asses. They were simply returning the favor.
As Lois entered Jimmy's room, she had made a decision. She was going to face the music and go home back to her life. She couldn't avoid it forever. Didn't mean she couldn't avoid Clark a bit longer.
End Part II