Chapter One

I peeled back my latex gloves and threw them into the dispenser so that I could tidy up the rest of the equipment. There had been a drunken brawl amongst five men – all brothers – the worse kind of bust-up if you ask me. Families, blood relatives, they could be your worst enemy. I was speaking from experience.

'Are you okay, Bella? You seem a little pre-occupied.'

Jack, the senior nurse at Broadhurst Hospital, had been here six years and was about to be made head of A & E. As for me, I had to quit feeling as though I was running out of time – time for what I was yet to figure out, but people were noticing, especially the highly ranked.

'Oh, nothing. Just tired, I guess. Same old same old, but that's the life we've chosen, right?' I smiled as triumphantly as I could. There was a nudge on my arm. I yelped, ruining the whole farce.

Jack came over to check my forehead. 'There's that bug going around again. You sure it's not more than tiredness?'

I backed away. Rumours had already been circulating around the hospital about Jack's motives for favouring me over everyone else. He had insisted he just liked my work ethic: the workaholic who hardly sat, who didn't have her lunch or dinner properly, sometimes even breakfast. It was partly true. I was a workaholic. Mostly it was because I often had a lot on my mind. Today, I couldn't seem to remember what any of those thoughts were. I knew they were there. They just seemed lost or hidden.

There was a nudge on my arm again. This time followed by a pinprick of pain.

'Sorry, I think I'm going to be sick,' I lied, hurrying out of the room.

I'd done this countless times today. It was another reason I was being frowned upon by everyone who passed by me. I went to the ladies' room, ran to the sink and splashed my neck with cold water. After drying off my face with a paper towel, I went into a cubicle, pulled the toilet seat down and sat there, numb. I held my arm, afraid of the nudge that had been bothering me all day. It was as if someone was trying to wake me or check I was still alive. My heart thumped, so clearly I was, But I felt outside of myself, as if I was standing at a window observing my day-to-day business.

Time to catch your train, I thought, though it felt more like an interfering comment. Pull a sicky and go home early.

I got up as if on automation and made my excuses to the head of A & E. I added that I needed take the rest of the week off to recuperate from stress. It was all just coming out of me as though I'd rehearsed it days earlier.

'Take your time, Bella,' said Dr Malloy. She was a nice woman, a little uptight some would say, but who wouldn't be in her position? 'You're clearly not yourself and we can't risk any slip-ups in your standard of work, and our standard at that. We do, after all, have a reputation to protect.'

'Of course.' I nodded. 'It's why I'm giving myself time off for once. I probably just need a break.'

She smiled. 'Exactly. I'm glad you agree.'

'I'll be … off then.' I stood. 'Thanks for understanding, Dr Malloy.'

Her smile slipped from her face, her expression turned serious. 'Your nose, Bella.' She pointed at me.

Something dripped onto her desk. Blood. I licked the top of my lips, tasting that tell-tale metallic. I rubbed my hand over my face. My fingers were coated in it. There was so much.

'Excuse me,' I spluttered. Once again I ran out of a room and dashed to the ladies'. Perhaps this time I could have a pathetic sob.

The 8.15 train to Chessington was an half-hour ride. I usually took the 10.30 or a taxi if it was a very late shift. It tended to be quiet at that time, especially weekends. Tonight, though, the buzz was mid-range, with a few businessmen on phone calls or tapping on small laptops. Students gathered bits and pieces of their day with ecstatic thrill. I recalled that kind of thrill. It was on the outer edges of my mind. I knew I'd enjoyed college and university. I just didn't know why. I wondered if I should book an appointment with the resident GP and have my brain tested, then asked myself some questions as the train zoomed by the many dark hills and trees. The night, as usual, was starless. We were still in the suburbs; the country lanes were just a short diversion.

Do I like the countryside?

Looking at it, I felt I did, although I probably wouldn't want to trudge through mud or sleep in a tent. I had no recollection of ever being in nature. The thought made me look closer at the trees, at the small barns obscure in the distance.

Do I like horses? Am I musical? Do I like the colour red? Do I like my … family?

I couldn't answer any of them. I only knew that I hadn't seen my family in a while, that my father was dead, my mother held onto my inheritance and was shacked up with Uncle Regis, my father's brother, the eldest. He was the man I'd considered another father figure growing up. Now he was that legally. My cousins didn't favour me as their stepsister. In fact, they loathed me. They were typical spoilt Italians, as loaded as their father, but preferring to flaunt it and make everyone feel beneath them. In some ways, we were a traditional family. I was expected to marry Leo, the eldest of Uncle Regis's sons. If he hadn't been so arrogant and a male slut and my cousin, I may have considered it. He wasn't crowned the most handsome bachelor of the Travinni family for nothing, even at the grand age of thirty-two.

I was only twenty-five and at marriageable age, yet my career in medicine had only just started.

'You don't need to work,' Father had said one time. 'We have plenty.'

'It's not about the money,' I'd told him. 'It's about wanting to help other people.'

He'd gone quiet after that. Mother had cleared her throat as if I'd said something unheard of, then Miles, my one and only sibling, who was younger than me by three years, had said, 'About time one of us wanted to help others.'

I hadn't bothered to ask what that meant. We weren't the most normal family. We lived up to the stereotypical rich. Well, they did. I just played along. I smiled, glad to have remembered something about my life. Maybe I wasn't in need of help, just a few good nights' sleep. Maybe even sex. Just as I thought it, the train stopped at a station. A couple hopped on board, followed by a guy a little older than me. He was easy on the eyes … very easy. To be honest, he had the look of the actor, Robert Pattinson, but with a few days' worth of stubble that gave him a lumberjack exterior in need of an axe. He was wearing black faded jeans and a black jacket. Even his T-shirt was black. If he was trying to blend into the background to avoid being noticed, it wasn't going to happen. All eyes were on him. His eyes were on … me.

He made his way over.