Chapter 3: The Admission
As she slowly but surely awoke, she heard Nick rustling about in the kitchen, she glanced at the clock to reaffirm her suspicions, and sure enough, it read '6:47 AM'; she had overslept. Not that she needed to be up for anything in particular, yet it bothered her still. Had she somehow messed with her circadian rhythm? No, she pinned it on their budding relationship and her odd dreams; those must have affected her body more than she had previously assumed.
He saw her stir on the couch, a tired expression planted on her muzzle. "Morning, sleepyhead! How come you just woke up?"
She groaned, dragging a paw slowly, forcefully from the top of her head all the way to her chin. Then, slowly, she got up and wandered up to Nick, wanting to know what he was doing, as she faintly heard a pan sizzling in the distance.
"What are we eating for breakfast, Slick?" Her eyes were still half-lidded as she tensed and untensed her body to alleviate some of the stiffness that had accrued during her sleep.
He looked away from his pan, having just poured some more batter into it. Then, eyeing her up and down comedically, he couldn't help but smirk. "You," he explained menacingly, smirk widening.
"Wh—" She sized herself up and down as well, noting that she was still only clad in her panties and bra, which she had slept in. Typically, she preferred to sleep nude, but she was at Nick's. So in an effort to retain some decency, she kept on some of her clothes.
Flushing bright red, she ran off and dressed adequately, hearing Nick cackling madly behind her. "You should have seen your face, Fluff! Priceless." He was thoroughly amused at that moment, studying her twitching tail with delight.
"Does it smell burnt to you, too?" she asked him, smelling the air. Returning to his side in front of the stove, she finally saw what he had been preparing for the two of them.
In his stupor, Nick had entirely forgotten about the pancakes that he had been making, resulting in one very black excuse of a pancake that was still resting in the pan. His eyes widened as he sprung into action, quickly moving it from his cookware into the garbage can to dispose of it.
She laughed at his aloofness despite herself. 'Serves him right,' she thought. "So, are those filled with bugs?" She half-expected that to actually be the case.
"Nope," he answered simply. "Just regular old pancakes…."
"Whaat? You eat things other than meat? I can't believe it." She kidded, quirking one eyebrow.
"It may astound you, but I do eat things other than fish and meat, Fluff," he retorted, sounding sarcastic.
She knew that, of course, but their occasional chit-chat proved to be very entertaining.
After Nick had finished his cooking, they sat down and began to dig in.
Nick remembered something important just as Judy was about to eat her first piece of pancake. Wide-eyed, he gripped Judy's arm with a little more force than strictly necessary.
Startled, she looked first at her now-vice-like-gripped arm and then at the tod. "What's wrong, Nick?"
"Wait! Those have eggs in them!" he all but screamed.
She smiled. "Nick, I know. I always eat egg-substitute."
"No, real eggs. I didn't even realise it until just now. Have you eaten actual eggs before?"
Realisation hit her. Of course, she had never eaten eggs before; bunnies are herbivores. Some dishes required a kind of binding agent; eggs were often used for this purpose. She remembers using several egg-substitutes in her youth; the word is an umbrella term for all kinds of products that fill the same role as eggs do in binding the dish.
She ate fish, so what was the harm in trying real eggs for the first time? The bunny had to admit to herself that she had always been curious after secretly seeing those predator cook shows that used real eggs in their recipes; on the few occasions she managed to get the kitchen for herself, she substituted those, often resulting in a sub-par meal. Not that she had tried anything more than pancakes; she would immediately turn to a different channel upon seeing them use meat in their recipe—despite her morbid curiosity.
Surely, he would interrupt and whine again if his worried look was anything to go by. To circumvent all that, Judy proceeded to use her other hand to unclasp Nick's grasp on her. Then, the bunny lifted the forkful of pancake into her muzzle, pulled it off it with her teeth, and, finally, lowered the fork again. Chewing, she stared bluntly into his vibrant eyes; a mild look of concern was etched in his features. She could almost see the sweat dripping down the sides of his muzzle.
She finished her chewing and cut the tension that lay in the air; Judy turned her neutral expression into an encouraging, smiling one.
The rabbit couldn't believe what she had been missing out on all these years; comparing these pancakes to even the best her mother made for her, she concluded these were at least five times as good. As opposed to her anxiety about eating fish, she had known she wouldn't mind the eggs. Well, at least in this form: they were only a small part of a blend of ingredients; she couldn't separate the egg flavour from everything else. The taste of 'scrambled eggs' or 'fried eggs'—if she remembered those names correctly—would prove to be interesting. Although Judy guessed it wouldn't be quite as bad as her previous dive into predator cuisine had been.
The pancakes were unbelievably good. There was plenty of air inside—that must've been the eggs' doing, Judy concluded. He had used just the right amount of sugar as well, making the pancake practically melt on her tongue. And there was something else…
"Wow, these are delicious, Nick," she exclaimed. "You couldn't help but put some blueberries in them, could you?" she added cheekily.
The blueberries were amazingly plump and moist; the pancakes were perfect. Yup, she wouldn't ever go back to substitute after this.
Nick shook his head, trying and failing to remove his baffled expression. 'Apparently, that just happened.' "It's my only weakness, Carrots." He put both his paws briefly over his eyes before resuming.
The fox didn't know how to react, so he decided to shrug it off and continue with another topic that wouldn't get out of his head.
"So, I've been noticing…," he started, pausing while he ate a mouthful of pancake. He cleared his throat and looked at her now beside him on the couch. "...that you haven't slept very well recently."
Her eyes bugged out as he inserted his pancake-laden fork into his maw once more. "Is it… that obvious?"
"Well, between your overly ruffled fur and the weird scents I've been picking up, I'd say something is going on."
He had picked up the smell of sweat, lingering as she showed yesterday, as well as some sort of intoxicating, sweet smell he occasionally noticed her exuding before; he couldn't discern its cause or meaning, though.
Not knowing how much he really knew and hoping he didn't catch on to the scent of her arousal, she blushed deeply.
She saw no other way around it; he would just keep pushing and pushing her over the next few days until she would, inadvertently, admit her dreams about him. Having decided to preserve her sanity, she began talking.
"Well… yes."
"I knew it!" he exclaimed quickly, overjoyed at correctly reading his fluffy partner. "So you have been having bad dreams!"
She nodded, emptying her fork of pancake.
"Were they about me?" he teased instantaneously, suggestively licking his lips before also eating yet another piece of pancake.
"Well, you were part of them," she said reluctantly, bracing her neck with one paw, stealing herself for what was sure to come.
The surprise was evident on his muzzle, yet he continued as if unperturbed. "Ohhhhh, now that's something." He mustered a devious smirk.
"Niiiiiiick, they weren't that kind of dream!" Exasperation was now lacing her voice as she furrowed her brows at him.
"Aww…" He was kind of disappointed at that, his ears flopping downwards, but he immediately regretted letting it show.
She huffed before continuing. "You were… nude… though," she said timidly, the word 'nude' barely audible to the large canine.
His ears perked up in response.
"But t-that's not the p-point!" she added quickly, flustered.
He couldn't help but grin at that. "So what happened? If I was nude, but we hadn't had a tumble under the sheets, what did I do?" he teased, pausing briefly when a new fear crept into his mind. "Did I hurt you?" His muzzle was suddenly devoid of any playfulness, his ears swivelling towards her intently.
Some time went by without either of them saying a word, Nick growing increasingly worried. Finally, she spoke up at last.
"Yes." She admitted it.
He couldn't believe what he was hearing. He would never hurt her! He would do anything for her, anything! Now almost empty, he quickly put his dish down, repeating the action with Judy's. He embraced her and brushed her fur gently with his large paws, sending shivers down her spine from both the sudden contact and the slight tingling sensation his pointy digits left on her skin as they brushed against it ever so lightly. He put his muzzle in between her droopy ears, resting it on her head while keeping most of the weight off her as he spoke. "You know I would never hurt you, Judy! Did I do something? Am I at fault? I couldn't—"
"No, Nick. You didn't do anything wrong," she interrupted tersely, beginning to sob lightly as the emotional baggage of her dreams started to surface; the many, many times she had had to experience some permutation of the dream, continually growing in intensity. At least up until today. "It's complicated…."
He tilted his head. "How so? You can talk to me, Judy," he soothed, trying to calm her and admittedly intrigued by where this was going.
"Well, I… uh… am always in this weird-looking forest. And then… you appear. B-But we are always nude, and, oddly enough, we walk on all fours." She paused, letting it sink in for him. "You always appear, but it's not really you; it's like you went savage, for real." She paused once more, sobbing intensifying as she recalled those mostly painful but oddly titillating memories. They held onto each other tighter. "You have this crazed look in your eyes… I think those dreams began when you left for the academy about half a year ago, and they have been getting worse." Her voice started to weaken, using one hand to find comfort in the scruff of his neck, rubbing gently up and down.
"At first, you were just sitting there, l-looking at me for some time, then I would wake up. But as time went on it… c-changed." She breathed deeply before continuing. "Every dream, you came closer and closer to me, and you scared me, even though you didn't do anything, but at the same time it… excited me."
His ears perked up at the sudden shift in expression.
"Eventually, you weren't content with just sitting there; you started to grin at me, ever wider, showing me your incisors." She shuddered noticeably. "A-And then, y-you went further still, b-baring your fangs, snarling at me."
She continued sobbing, Nick growing ever more worried, yet he was undeniably excited as to where she was going with all this.
"They had ended e-every time before you did anything more; it left me utterly confused upon waking up. But after some more time, you began going even further in my dreams." She paused, steeling herself. "Yo-You started circling me, snarling; I felt like I was your prey. And t-that's how it was: you eventually started to circle closer and closer with each and every dream until you finally lunged at me. Sometimes the dream then, or before, shifted into the pit and back again. You k-know, the pit in the natural history museum, where you pretended to go s-savage, b-but it's like you had really gone savage in my dreams."
The frown he had built over the course of their conversation deepened at that, but before he could intervene, she continued hoarsely.
"It s-scared me, Nick; y-you scared me—to death! But that's not all of it. Do you want to know what the worst part of it was?"
He considered it briefly, although there was only one answer for him. "Of course, Judy," he replied calmly, all the while continuing his ministration in hopes of easing her somewhat. He knew she wouldn't stop until she had said everything, no matter if he objected or not.
"As the dream began to wear on—after some more nights—and it no longer ended with you in the air, your m-maw f-finally found and closed around… m-my t-throat. It went on and on… until you eventually used your c-claws to t-tear at m-my s-sides a-and… b-b-blood… there was blood e-everywhere." She paused, now openly crying but continuing still.
"You grew more and more v-violent… m-m-mauling me as of recently. You left deep wounds all over my b-body; long, deep claw marks e-everywhere. My vision grew hazy from the pain! I have never s-seen that much b-blood before! You put ever m-more pressure onto my t-throat each night, b-biting down roughly, biting into my s-shoulder! Your maw and claws were stained d-deep crimson!" She grew more and more into a quivering mess with each word, stuttering terribly.
To say Nick was mortified would be the understatement of the century. He would never! His mind didn't even know what to say to all that.
"Ju—" He tried to say anything, to get her to stop that painful stream of words she uttered. Being confronted with the heartbreaking scenario of him hurting her shattered something deep inside of him.
"But that's s-still not the w-worst of it." she continued desperately. "I d-didn't feel pain; it didn't hurt. Well, it did hurt—a lot. A whole lot! But I felt something else too, overpowering that pain…" she paused for a long time once again, crying into Nick's shoulder, now at the crescendo of her retelling.
"I-I-I," she started before holding her words again. "I LIKED IT!" she screamed, causing him to wince instinctively—not yet having comprehended her words as she began crying more vigorously than before. A steady stream of tears wetted the underside of her eyes, trailing all the way towards where their bodies met, staining Nick's shirt.
"Wh-wha-what?" he stammered, awestruck, briefly freezing in place at the shock.
"Nick, i-it hurt A LOT, it was agony, it was hell! I felt like I should have been dead or at least unconscious from all the pain I felt! It felt… indescribable; it felt like hot lava being poured over me, it felt… just… indescribable. I was never in so much pain before." She held her tongue briefly, steeling herself anew.
"But, Nick, b-besides all that pain, that mind-numbing, body-b-breaking pain, I f-felt p-p-pleasure… Your teeth on my jugular, your claws at my sides, my back, my front; c-cutting scaringly d-deep. It felt so… good, so… heavenly, so unrivalled! It pushed away the pain to something just tolerable yet very much stinging. I was in heaven and in hell, in agony and bliss, my body overcome with emotion. A-And I wanted more! Nick! I didn't w-want you to s-stop, no matter how much y-you h-hurt me!" She paused briefly before concluding her painful tirade.
"It… aroused me, a lot," she said timidly, barely audible. "More than I have ever been… Tell me." she continued, then paused. " What? IS? WRONG WITH ME?" Getting louder with every word, she was at her breaking point, somehow crying even more violently than before, clinging to Nick like a vice. There was fear of what he might say next, anger at developing these emotions—to begin with, ire at why she felt the way she did about his deadly features, and inexplicable sorrow at not dreaming in which she would be experiencing his claws and fangs right now. It should frighten her; it should frighten prey: that was the proper reaction, yet she… she couldn't explain it logically. It was a whirlwind of emotions; all that she could do was continue to cling tightly to Nick and hope, hope against hope, that he wouldn't react negatively.
For the first time in his life, Nick had no words; he opened his muzzle to assure her that everything was going to be alright—even though he felt far from 'alright' at that moment—but he just couldn't bring himself to say anything. He wasn't angry, exactly: he didn't know what he thought about that right then. All Nick knew was that Judy wasn't happy and that he wanted her to be happy again.
He was awestruck, crestfallen, debilitated at her words: there was no expression in any language he knew of that did his feelings justice right at that moment as he still awkwardly embraced Judy.
He considered trying to speak up again, to say anything, really; instead, he started to think over some of what she had thrown in his lap.
The tod realised he felt guilt, immense guilt. Was it all because of him? Even if he would never—and has never—done anything to harm her, he had done so in her dreams: he could never forgive himself for that; surely, he must have done something. And then there is the whole thing about her not wanting his savage doppelgänger to cease his actions; he pushed that out of his mind—for now—that was an entirely different can of worms he would need to address some time.
He sighed, having come to a painful conclusion about how to proceed. He didn't like doing it, but he couldn't think of anything better as he cried openly now.
He gripped Judy's paws with his own, removing them from around his body using his superior strength—not that she had resisted much.
Standing up, he gazed down at the crying, sobbing mess that once was his stalwart supper-bunny, Judy.
Grabbing his keys and his jacket, Nick left his apartment without looking back, leaving a crying Judy in his wake.
He needed time, unable to talk to her like this: he was unstable!
'I ruined her; it's all my fault!' He angrily gritted his teeth as he stormed out of the apartment, closing the door and taking the stairs to the ground level before heading out of the apartment complex. He started to walk around town, trying to get a grip on his feelings.
'I don't deserve her; she did so much for me! And what do I do in return? Exactly! I hurt her!'
'I hurt her….'
'She trusts me; no, she trusted me….'
He felt ashamed of himself, putting the blame entirely on himself.
'Why did I have to develop feelings for her? Now I can't get her out of my head!'
'And clearly, she can't keep you out of her head either,' a small voice told him.
'Not helping,' he retorted internally.
'She is a bunny, for fox's sake!' he continued. 'I traumatised her!' He began sobbing anew. 'She is prey! What was I thinking?'
He recalled their candid confession on Friday.
'What a mess I have made, and here I thought this might legitimately work! Instead, all I did was make a mess of her! She probably wants nothing to do with me now.'
'That's probably for the best, too.' As much as it hurt him to think that, he believed it to be the truth.
'All she had done for me up until now… did I somehow force her? I know they don't eat fish, but I just couldn't stop and teased her. She hated it; I could tell she hated it, yet she didn't stop. I couldn't stop her! I was unable to… Is that my fault as well? She must have been disgusted! Why am I so selfish?'
As he continued wallowing in his own misery, he grew ever more resigned, a sadness etching itself into his muzzle, unlike anything he had felt for a long time.
'What should I do now? How do I fix this?'
'You can't fix this,' another voice in his head dictated.
'I know.' He slumped even further into himself.
As his walk dragged on, he came to stand upon a bridge, gazing down at the vast river below, enough of a height to easily die should he leap over the railing—he reckoned.
'Maybe I should just end it; then I am finally out of her life for good: I can't harm her anymore, then,' he admitted sadly to himself.
As he contemplated his next action, another voice spoke up from somewhere in his mind. 'Leaving her would break her as much as it would break you,' it said.
"I know!" he growled out loud, angry at anything and everything but mostly at himself.
Nick knew he couldn't leave her in any fashion that wouldn't twist her even further; however, he didn't know how to mend it all—either. Hell, he didn't even know how to feel about her now!
'I need to stop this whole pred/prey nonsense immediately; I have harmed her enough by now. We were best friends before! And now that we dare advance it further, she had the—oh so bright—idea to want to live like me! And I agreed! I can't believe it.
She is prey, Nick: prey! Get this into your thick skull: this can't continue!
'She did have those dreams before your pred/prey phase, though,' a voice chimed in. He shuddered at the implications of that.
'Sure, but it made it worse!' he disagreed with the voice.
'Did you even hear the part where she literally said that you make her horny as fuck?'
'Yes, I wanted to forget that. Thanks for reminding me!' He paused. 'What should I even think of that?'
'Female makes you horny, great!' his vulgar self chimed in. 'Go claim her, ma-'
He bashed his head against the railing he still stood at, feverishly trying to stop that train of thought.
'Listen to yourself: she is a bunny! I can't do that to her! It's so perverted; it's so wrong. Why would she feel so turned on by me doing… that? By… ravaging her…' He shuddered from head to toe. Surely this kind of thinking stemmed from his actions; he had to have somehow made her defective. It was his fault!
He paused for an indeterminate amount of time as he continued to stare at the raging currents below.
Whatever happened didn't matter, he concluded: what mattered was what he was going to do now. The problem is: he didn't even begin to know what to do; he didn't even fully understand how he felt either… How he should feel… What he should do…
But he knew one thing, and he would work with that: the fact that he could trust her.
'I could always trust her—but after what I did, can she still trust me? No, she mustn't trust me.' He paused once more.
He wiped his eyes sharply. 'I need to break up with her,' he decided.
As Nick had guessed, Judy was also struggling with her emotions. The fox had just removed her arms from her and quickly left the room.
She cried out to him, fearing the worst—yet he didn't respond and just continued leaving. Finally, the door closed behind him, and he was gone.
'He left…'
She watched him leave, tears streaking down her cheeks, all the while she was unable to stop him.
Surely, it was her fault: she had said too much, too late. She should have told him immediately about her dreams, but she hadn't wanted to worry him: he had needed to focus on his training at the ZPA.
'I really am a dumb bunny,' she thought amidst tears as she struggled to compose herself. Judy knew that nothing would come from endlessly sobbing. Her reputation at the ZPD hasn't been earned using self-belittlement: she worked hard to get where she is today!
Yet she couldn't shake the guilt—the immense pressure weighing down on her. Judy wanted Nick to be happy, for the both of them to lead a happy, fulfilling life. They were partners on the force, constantly motivating each other to do better in bad as well as in good times. And now… now she had made him leave.
Her little stunt about her idiotic feelings…
'I should have told him months ago!' she ranted. 'Now he left me! He thinks I'm weird!'
'Well, that is weird', her mind spoke to her.
'I know….'
She should have eased him into it; ripping off the metaphorical band-aid hurt more, in this case: she should have known.
'It's bad enough that you are into a fox—to begin with—but you perversely like his claws and fangs? Don't deny it: you are defective; you are all wrong! You have been like this since the pit! This is unnatural! Deriving pleasure from his weaponry, wanting to be hunted? You make me sick!' another part of her mind spoke to her.
She couldn't deny it; the voice was part of her: it was inherently true.
'It was only in my dream!' she protested desperately.
'Yes. Now think about why you would dream of it, to begin with,' it paused, letting her think. 'Don't deny you wouldn't want to live out one thing or another with him! Remember the pit?'
Of course, it mentioned the pit—it couldn't stop mentioning the pit, now; Judy had been trying to deny those feelings: it had been just too much for her. But deny it, she could no longer.
Judy was making great strides to change for him, to accept his way of living and—in some cases—even embrace it. Now he had stepped out of her life forever—for all she knew. And it was all her fault. What would she do now? What could she do now? What needed to be done now? She had no answers, and neither did any other part of her accursed mind.
After all that had happened already, she would understand if he left her; she could maybe even learn to live with it. With a lot of time and through a lot of pain, perhaps she could accept it.
As much as she hated to admit it, she knew he wouldn't want to be with her after this anymore; it was just too much effort for him to be together with her, surely.
She couldn't help but think again of how happier he would be if he were just dating a vixen instead of some inept country bunny; it would make so many things that much easier for him: same size, same diet, same customs and traditions, same body language… the list goes on and on.
Judy knew that if she left him alone, things wouldn't end well.
She wanted to get up, to run after him, to find him, desperately so, yet she couldn't bring herself to it. He wouldn't want to see her; she was all but sure of that.
'That damn species barrier,' she thought bitterly, clenching her fists. Instincts—after all—were her biggest adversary in this. Her instincts constantly screamed at her to run away from him, to hide. His distinct smell—she could perceive it even now—was enough to unsettle her. She needs to consciously remind herself that he means no harm and that he is the best thing that has happened to her.
Nature never intended for predator and prey to live so close to each other—dating, much less. A lot, a lot, a lot of time has passed since then, yet the instincts remain almost as fierce as they were then. He was her natural enemy, even: foxes and bunnies. Foxes ate bunnies, and not in the pleasurable kind of way.
Judy felt her heart racing near him, her knees twitching, sweat beading on her forehead; however, regrettably, it wasn't all due to her attraction towards him.
The bunny sighed, long and loud. There was nothing to it: he wouldn't want to see her. Best if she just avoided him. After looking around the room for what might be her last time, Judy proceeded to scramble out of his apartment as a new torrent of tears streaked down her face, staining the floor.
As Nick was about to cross the threshold, he stopped, his ears drooping instantly; Judy was nowhere in sight.
Maybe she was just in another room?
Stepping further into his own apartment, he held his muzzle high, taking in the scent. There was his own smell, of course. But what really interested him at that moment was the faint, uniquely flowery and sweet smell of his favourite mammal.
To his great delight, he could make it out rather well; she left recently. But, both of their smells weren't the only thing he perceived. A salty odour overtook the room. It was something he disliked whenever he smelled it. Luckily, that wasn't often the case, but when it was…. Judy cried. Judy cried a lot. Most likely the whole time before she left.
Despite that, he searched every nook and cranny of his apartment for her. His head hanging ever further, he finally resigned, standing in the main room of his apartment, equidistant from all walls.
It hit like a punch in the gut. He wanted to stop their romantic relationship—for her sake—but now she had done it for him…. Nick hated what he had decided to do, but he saw no other way, so he had just accepted it. But seeing it really happen…. Not seeing Judy….
How would they work together now? Would they even work together now? He messed up. He messed up big time. What if Judy wouldn't recover from this? What then; what if she couldn't do her job anymore? He couldn't live with that!
The tod whimpered, falling to the floor, bawling; she didn't want to see him again. She left. She broke up with him.
She broke up with him…
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