*Disclaimer: I own nothing of Nintendo, Intelligent Systems, or 20th Century Fox.*

The imperial palace throne room, Enbarr, the Adrestrian Empire, five years following the fall of Garreg Mach...

Hubert von Vestra, ever-loyal right hand to current Adrestrian Empress Edelgard von Hresvelg, was walking towards the woman in question, sitting on her throne, a goblet placed on the right armrest. He'd come with a specific purpose in mind, one that, deep down, he wasn't looking forward to.

"Your Majesty," he began as soon as he was at her side, "I have...news."

Edelgard regarded her longtime aide with slightly-furrowed brows before she spoke. "And what sort of news is it?" She furrowed her brows further before continuing. "It isn't bad news, is it? Just in case you didn't notice earlier, I'm in no mood to take bad news right now. Today's been good, quite good so far-I had a good night's sleep, I had a good B.M., I do NOT want to hear any bad news. Now, what sort of news do you have for me?"

Hubert, a look of slight concern on his face before recomposing himself, briefly looked from side-to-side before he responded, a hint of hesitation in his voice. "...Well, to be perfectly frank, it's bad news."

Needless to say, Edelgard responded accordingly. "...I KNEW IT!" she fumed while swatting aside her goblet in a fashion indicating she was (putting it mildly) quite peeved. "It had to be bad news!" She sighed as she rested her head on her left set of knuckles, before straightening back up with a look of inspiration on her face. "Hold on, I just had a thought..." She turned to Hubert as she continued. "Hubert, I want you to give me the bad news in a good way." She held her chin as she elaborated on her thinking. "The way I figure it, by being delivered in a good way, the news won't sound as bad. Is that understood?"

Hubert, more than a little befuddled by his new order, briefly looked our way before he responded to Edelgard. "B-bad news in-in a good way..." he repeated, as if seeking clarification. "Er...Y-yes, yes I can do that, 'bad news in a good way', let's see..." He then cleared his throat before he made his attempt, adopting a more...jollier expression that looked positively alien on the normally dark and brooding young man. "*AHEM* Ha-ha-HA! W-wait till you hear what was reported to me by our scouts observing Garreg Mach. They informed me that-heh-heh-Professor Byleth is back after having been missing these past five years-pha-ha-hah!"

Hearing the news of her former teacher's return made Edelgard raise a curious eyebrow, as well as sport a tiny wisp of a smile.

"Oh-oh and, they managed to reunite with the rest of our fellow students who've been watching over the monastery," Hubert continued, the laughter starting to become a bit more genuine. "And you know, they-ha-ha-ha-they totally went to town on the thieves who've been pillaging the ruins for a while now, none of them spared! *Phah-ha-ha-hah!*"

That does sound like something the Professor would do, Edelgard mused to herself.

"Oh, oh wait, it gets better," Hubert said as he kept going, his right hand clutching his left side. "They-they met up with not only Claude, but also found the one who's been completely decimating the troops we keep sending into the ruins-and it's Dmitri, who's not only alive, but somehow managed to escape imprisonment! *Heh-heh-ha-ha-ha-ha!*"

Hearing this caused the wisp of a smile to vanish from Edelgard's lips while her mouth went agape, as well as brought her other eyebrow up to join its twin in astonishment.

"Dmitri still absolutely hates you with a vengeance-pff-ha-ha-ha!" Hubert continued as more of the self-inflicted mirth began to overtake him, while Edelgard's jaw dropped further and her eyes grew wider. "And, and, he wants to see your head off your shoulders and put on a spike at the gates of Enbarr! *WHEEZE* BHA-HA-HA-HAH! *SNORT* *SNORT* And, and since the Professor and Claude have managed to bring Dmitri into their fold-HA-HA-HA-as well as brought in the Church's forces-HAHAHAH!-we're going to be in an awful lot of trouble! *WHEEZE* BWA-HA-HA-HA-HAH...!"

That last line was enough to cause the usually calm and collected empress to break her composure. "WHAT'RE YOU, CRAZY?!" she said in a further uncharacteristic panic, which caused Hubert to cease his reporting. "Why are you laughing?! Forget bad, this is terrible news!"

Hubert, once again, became befuddled. "Wha-but I, I-you-you told me to...I was just trying to 'soften the blow', as it were-"

Edelgard frowned and rolled her eyes. "Well, you blew it, Hubie, REALLY blew it..."

Edelgard, from that point forward, never asked to be given bad news in a good way again.

END.

**Author's Note(s)**

And so I bring you my first Fire Emblem fanfic, in which I blend two of the most serious characters in Three Houses...with a rather fitting scene from Robin Hood: Men in Tights. In honor of the forthcoming miniseries History of the World, Part II, think of this as a taste of what's to come in my latest anthology idea, though one that embraces all of Fire Emblem via Heroes, in a little something I call...

"Mel Brooks's Monty Python and the Fire Emblem".