Wounds to Bind Chapter 21 – 'These dreams go on when I close my eyes…every second of the night I live another life…' – Heart, These Dreams

Friday, September 2, after midnight – CPOV

'A Tally Ho Chair is simple to use. I lay down, bend my knees and put my feet on the bottom platform. You put your right foot in a stirrup. You lift your left leg over and mount me. Put your left foot in the other stirrup. You take the reins from over my head and ride me. A Tally Ho Chair provides pleasurable positions.' I try to ease Ana's discomfort at using a new piece of furniture.

'What do you do, other than lay there and watch me?' Ana inquires.

'I'll play with your beautiful bouncing breasts while you ride me. I can also occupy our time with this little toy.' I showed her a lovely toy which has a mini flogger on one end and a mini riding crop on the other. 'Your first position is called Cowgirl. After you come the first time, I'll teach you the Side Saddle position. I bend my knees and put my feet flat on the surface. You sit between my knees and can use them to help you move. After you come a second time, I will teach you the Reverse Cowgirl position. You will use your hands to balance yourself instead of reins in position one or my knees in position two.'

She is in the Reverse Cowgirl position. I'm using the flogger on her back and the crop on her ass. Her feet are tucked up on the Tally Ho chair with my body, and my free hand massages her feet. My thumbnail grazes her insteps. I pinch her toes, and feel her vaginal walls clench around me. 'Ride me harder, baby. Make me come…' Ana grinds down on me and I grab her hips, thrusting up into her as hard as I can. I lose control and I feel myself ejaculate in her hot, wet, sweet body.

"Oh fuck, Ana…" I wake up with a moan…alone in my room…trembling from an erotic scene I may never conduct with Ana. Then I tell myself I don't need the Tally Ho chair to teach Ana how to ride me. She did an excellent job before…we would do great again.

Saturday, September 3 – APOV

I fly coach from Seattle to Savannah, departing SEA-TAC just after ten o'clock Friday night. Kate didn't mind giving me a ride since Elliot was out with Christian. I sleep on the first leg of the trip from Seattle to Dallas/Fort Worth. I don't want to think about traveling first class last time. I don't want to think about Christian and champagne. I don't want to think about him coming to Savannah. I don't want to think about gliding. I don't want to think about his situation which made him leave Savannah. I don't want to think about our happy Friday night together followed by our disastrous Saturday morning.

Before I get on the red-eye from Dallas/Fort Worth to Savannah/Hilton Head, I research consignment stores in Savannah. If Mom wants to take me shopping…I will make her take me to a few of those. I have a list of designers from Kate's closet. I have a list of items which Kate and Shawn suggested I buy. I read manuscripts on my tablet while I'm waiting to change planes. I intend to sleep on the leg from D/FW to S/HH. Mom's picking me up at S/HH at six o'clock Georgia time. The plan is to go to Mom's house, sleep in a little bit, have brunch and then go to a spa. I need some work done, including my manicure, so I won't argue about going.

Christian arranged for a huge bouquet to be delivered to me at Mom's house. They came before we left for brunch. I told her they were from Christian. She told me men didn't send lush bouquets of flowers to women they weren't interested in. She claims Christian is obviously ready to settle down, since his company is so successful. She explains if I don't make an effort now, Christian might not be available later. She asked why we broke up after the last time I was in Savannah. I told her I couldn't discuss Christian. I put the bouquet on the console table in her foyer, under the antique gold-framed mirror. They look spectacular there. I take a picture of them to send to Christian in the thank-you note I will write. Christian gets what he wants…again. He gets contact. I get flowers forced on me with Mom's knowledge and approval. Is he thinking about coming to Savannah again? What the hell will I do if he does?

Christian's card was cryptic, 'Here's to old ghosts being laid to rest.' Does he mean my ghosts? Or does he mean his? Does he mean our previous relationship? Am I supposed to ask? Mom thinks there's something special written on the card since I won't share. I hide the card behind my driver's license. I can't explain and I don't want to try.

XXX – 3PPOV

Leila waited for Sir and Taylor to leave Escala. Why was he gone on long weekends with his family? He tried to avoid family dinners and events to spend his weekends with her. She let herself into Escala via the staff entrance. She wore Ana's castoff clothes. If anyone looked twice, they would believe she was Ana. Leila slipped to the security office. She set the cameras to scan the garage area, the main elevator and the penthouse. Then Leila wiped off her fingerprints.

Leila noticed the safe dial was set at zero. She opened the safe. The media box of photographs was still missing. The NDAs and the contact information folder still lacked Ana Steele information. Leila took two $100 bills from each packet of money in the safe. She didn't dare take a full packet of money. She slipped the folded money into the pocket of her jeans. The electronics and diamonds were still there. Leila closed the safe, reset the dial to zero, and wiped her fingerprints off.

Leila went to the submissive bedroom. The same clothes were there from before. Ana's clothes should have been packed up and delivered to her, along with her car. By now he should have a new submissive. Leila stuffed a week of underwear and a pair of pajamas in another cross-body bag. Sir liked lacy, feminine panties in his playroom. She took the last of the toiletries from the bathroom. She didn't like those toiletries as much as the citrus body products she used…but they smelled like Ana…just like his bed. Ana's toiletries helped create the illusion she was Ana when she needed to be in Escala.

Leila slipped back down to Sir's bedroom. She knelt in position one by Sir's bed. Instead of holding her chin perpendicular to the floor, she rested her cheek on his comforter. Why did Ana sleep with Sir? The only time Sir slept with Leila was after a particularly exhaustive scene…and it wasn't sleeping together. They collapsed on the bed to catch their breath. She was somnambulant with subspace and he was pleased to lay there with her. Eventually Sir wrapped her in a grey silk robe and carried her to her room.

Leila searched Sir's closet until she found the robe. She tightly rolled the robe to fit in the cross-body bag. She searched his drawers and found the t-shirt Ana wore in the CCTV tape. The t-shirt smelled like Sir. She hoped he wouldn't notice the robe and t-shirt were missing. She fit the t-shirt into the cross-body bag.

Leila didn't dare take the tie Sir liked to wear around Ana. However, she searched for the cufflinks and tie tack he wore the first time she saw him. They were at the back of his jewelry drawer. She took them, tucking them in her empty jeans pocket. If Sir could sleep with Ana's video clip, she could sleep with his jewelry on her nightstand, giving her comfort and belief she would be with him soon. She acquired one of Mrs. Jones' shopping totes and three chilled bottles of wine which she wrapped in kitchen towels. She missed the gourmet meals Mrs. Jones prepared for Friday evening. She needed to leave before someone came back to Escala.

Sunday, September 4 – APOV

Mom wasn't thrilled to shop consignment…until I showed her the great bargains. I found two pairs of designer jeans which made my ass look better than ever. Hand to heart…I spent more time looking at myself in the mirror than I ever did before. Kate better let me wear these jeans when we go clubbing. I love them so much, I will search online for the brand for future purchases.

Mom is not thrilled about the jeans; she searched for pants I can wear to work. She found Caroline Rose tissue linen straight leg pants in navy blue and in granite grey. Both pairs look good on me, but now I need to research tissue linen. I'm getting quite an education in fashion which I never planned to get. I'm still buying the jeans and I told Mom so.

I found a long-sleeve black silk shirt with black silk embroidered cuffs and collar. I found its mate in white but the collar and cuffs are lace. I examined the seams, hems and buttons before selecting both. I found a pair of Chanel nude peep-toe pumps. I found a Kay Unger navy tweed sheath dress. I found another Kay Unger dress, sleeveless and water color print. I don't normally wear prints. This dress is flattering, and the print is not overwhelming. The tag said cocktail dress, but Mom insisted the dress is perfect for spring/summer wear at work with a blue or lilac sweater.

I like wearing dresses. Lined dresses mean not dealing with slips. Dresses are my go-to clothes if I'm running late for work. However, I remember the navy sheath and apple green accessories…and I wish for the days of t-shirts, flannel shirts and jeans at Clayton's Hardware.

The saleslady approached me. She just moved three mannequins to the back room to change the display. She explains each ensemble has been discounted again, and will sell for $75 each. One is black with rose pink, one is navy and blue, and the last one is black with grey. I agreed to try on all three.

The black and rose pink work ensemble is a pair of lightweight wool black pants with a black cashmere cardigan jacket. The plain, short sleeve, silk shirt, the satchel purse and the ballerina flats are rose pink. Mom is not keen on the ensemble, but I tell her the ensemble is all quality, designer separates which can be worn with other pieces.

The navy and blue casual outfit is a pair of navy yoga pants and a navy fleece, sleeveless, front zip vest. A blue tote bag, a pair of navy, blue and white floral sneakers, and a navy blue, scoop neck, long sleeve t-shirt with white trim complete the ensemble. I like every piece and agree to purchase. Mom complains the ensemble is a bare step above jeans and a sweatshirt. I explain I would not have worn this to work at Clayton's. Score a point for my clothing choices.

The basis of the black and grey outfit is a black gabardine pant suit. The well-fitting pant suit has a grey silk shirt with a grey lace infinity scarf, a grey leather baguette, grey leather low heeled Mary Janes and a Nine West grey leather wrist watch with a rose gold dial. I like the ensemble…except the infinity scarf is too girly for me.

My big find of the day was a Barney's black wool blazer.

Mom found a raspberry-colored silk wrap dress which flatters her, in addition to some gabardine slacks and twin sets. She also buys two black leather shopping totes. I'm amazed at trophy-wife Carla. I think she'll be a regular customer at the consignment store because she slips their business card into her wallet.

I don't want to think about how many pairs of Old Navy, Gap or Aeropostale jeans and t-shirts I could have bought for the $600 Mom spent at the consignment store. However, the original cost of the Barney's blazer was more than Mom spent for our entire shopping trip. I offered to split the cost with her, but she insisted on buying my work ensembles for my birthday present. I pay for the figure-transforming jeans and the casual outfit with the floral sneakers. I'm glad I brought space bags in the bottom of my suitcase. They provide easy transport to take my wardrobe additions home. I think Kate will be excited when I unpack my suitcase.

Mom and I go to a great sidewalk café for a late lunch. I introduced Mom to iced chai tea. We had shrimp and crab Louis salads while we talked about Christian. I explained we were taking a break. My standard 'he has issues, I have issues' talk didn't take. Mom says business men like Christian and Bob don't want to talk about business in their afterhours. Bob didn't marry until later in life, when he was established in his business. She explains Christian is the same way. Since he is successful, he's ready for a life outside his business. I feel like I've been transported to 1950 where I'm supposed to wear a pretty dress, have coiffed hair and a martini at the ready at the end of each day. I just want to plug my ears and sing la-la-la when she touts the importance of pretty nightgowns and good-smelling perfume.

"Mom, I don't want to be Christian's equal in the business world. I don't want to run a business, I don't want to be mentored. What I want is for him to talk to me and not use sex to avoid conversations."

"Anastasia, darling, actions speak louder than words," Mom counseled. "Let Christian chase you around the bedroom while the urge lasts. Then, you can sharpen your conversational skills when he is ready to converse. I mean, you are so taciturn…how can you fault him for not being loquacious? Besides, with you in the right nightgown and designer perfume…you'll make the man speechless. Actions speak louder than words, Anastasia. Especially in the early days of a relationship."

No shit. My bruised ass and broken heart remember the early days when his actions broadcast loudly and his words were silence.

After lunch, Mom wants to go to the River Street Market Place. I love walking around River Street Market Place in the morning. I love the river, the cobblestones, the old buildings, and the history. However, the humidity is killer today. The humidity means Abercorn Walk is a no-go for shopping also. I beg for air-conditioning. We hit the Savannah Mall. Mom is ready to shop both levels…Lord save me from forced marches! I pop into the Bass Pro Shop and buy a gift card for Dad's birthday. We shop Bath and Body Works so I can buy a suite of my favorite scent. I take pictures of several items, like the three-wick Autumn Leaves candle, to purchase in Seattle or online. Mom urges me to buy belts for the tissue linen pants. I told her I would not pay $50-100 for a belt to wear with $35 pants…designer name or not! Mom points out a sixty-five percent off sale for all summer clothing. I plug my ears and hum while she extols the style and color of lingerie which is on sale. She stops at the makeup counter and buys $100 of products, and exclaims over the free products. She insists I take the free eye cream. I'm supposed to be using eye cream now…so I don't need to use it when I'm sixty. I love Mom…but I won't argue over eye cream, hand cream, perfumes or pretty lingerie. I take pictures of half a dozen mannequins. I like the ensembles on them, and wonder if I can find close approximations at consignment stores or Amazon clearance items.

After two hours of shopping…Mom's ready for a break. We order Georgia Peach Cobbler ice cream…two scoops…no cone…with a fancy sprinkle of cinnamon and cardamom. We rest by the water fountain. I throw a quarter in and wish my employee evaluation goes well when I return to Seattle. Mom asks if I am wishing for things to work out between Christian and me. I remind her a wish spoken is a wish broken. My vivacious mother rolls her eyes at me and sighs.

XXX

Bob announced plans to take us to a late dinner at the club. I wore the Kay Unger water color print dress. Mom suggested I rehem the dress to more to show off my legs, but I'm fine with the length at four inches above my knees. My hair is in a messy updo thanks to huge white banana clip I left last time I was here. I have light makeup and a pop of rose lip gloss. Mom suggested I wear her lilac Jessica Simpson heels and carry a matching clutch. I don't need a wrap or a sweater in the waning heat. For the first time in my life…Mom compliments my efforts to dress up. There are no backhand compliments about Kate educating me about clothes and makeup. I think Mom's joy will be short-lived when I won't dance at the club. I'll just remind her I can only dance decently with Christian as a partner.

XXX

While I'm getting ready for bed, I can't help but think about Christian. I doubt he will come to Savannah this time. I don't want to…but I fall asleep thinking of soaring with Christian.

Sporadic clouds float against an opal sky…Christian has awakened me at dawn. The light is magical…soft and dreamy…and warm. José calls this light the magical hour of the day. He loves photographing sunrise and sunset. Dad likes this hour of the day for hunting and fishing. I like this hour of the day for sleeping.

Christian captures my hand after he opens the car door for me. He introduces me to the pilot as his girlfriend. He holds my hand and leads me to the glider. He helps me put on my parachute, and he straps me in the glider…like he did in Charlie Tango. 'We'll only be twenty or thirty minutes in the air. The thermals are not the best this morning. However…thirty minutes of gliding with you will be heaven…'

When the small plane releases us. We're floating…the glider banks and dips and turns. Christian shouts at me to hold on tight. We dip again, only this time the glider is upside down. I squeal…and despite my harness holding me tight…my arms scramble to hold me…to keep me from falling.

We glide…swooping through the air…hearing the wind…hearing the silence…enjoying the early morning dawn. 'See the joystick in front of you?' The joystick jerks between my legs. 'Grab hold.' I grab, but I can feel parts moving. 'Hold tight…keep the glider steady. See the middle dial on the front panel. Keep the needle dead center.' My mouth dries…my heart pounds…my ears roar…I'm flying a glider…

Christian retakes the controls as we spiral down several feet. My ears pop. The ground is getting closer…the glider makes a wide circle…sinking slowly to the ground…suddenly the glider thumps and races along the grass, bumping occasionally. When we stop the glider sways for a minute and dips to the right, resting on a wing. Christian releases the cockpit lid, climbing out.

'How was that?' His eyes shine a dazzling silver grey…

Must remember…dazzling silver grey eyes are happy eyes. He takes my breath away. 'Was it more?'

…suddenly I'm awake…before my dreams relieve his important phone call and his return to Seattle. More…our first real date…cut short by one of the women in his past. I won't sleep if I dwell. I reach for my tablet and select a manuscript to read and review.

September 5 – CPOV

I was feeling morose after the security report and pictures of Ana with Carla and Bob at their country club last night. The dress is lovely, Ana looked lovely. The only pleasing thing about the report was seeing her beautiful face, and knowing she refused to dance with anyone.

My presence at the Labor Day barbeque is a surprise to everyone, except Elliot. He texted Elena crashed the family barbeque. He asked me to please remove her because her presence was vexing Kate. I'm not a fan of Kate, but I don't need reporter Kate asking what the hell is going on with Elena. When I received Elliot's text...I knew to make good on my warning to Elena.

I told Elena less than three days ago to stay away from me. I called John and asked him to be my wingman. John had seen the footage of my meeting with her. John agreed I needed to confront Elena about her actions. He left his family for a short while to provide support.

Taylor and I discussed the situation on our way to Grey Manor in Bellevue. He knew to contact Welch and bar Elena from all Grey properties, residences and places of business. I think he liked the task.

"Mom, Dad, Elena…will you join John and me for drinks in Dad's study?" I asked carefully.

"Nonsense," Elena simpered. "We don't need to go behind closed doors for a drink. We're all friends here," she purred, tilting her head toward Mom. I intended to call her on her unspoken threat.

"Fine, Elena," I took a deep breath. "Mom and Dad, Elena and I are no longer business partners. We are no longer personal friends. We are no longer…"

"Stop!" Elena yelled. "Fine, I'll leave."

Grandma Frannie toasted me.

"No, you initiated the conversation, let's finish." I walked around and pulled Elena's chair out, grabbed her arm and dragged her into my parents' home. "I told you I would do this if you didn't leave me alone! I told you…threatening to out me to my parents wouldn't stop me." I shoved her away from me when we entered Dad's study.

"Christian," Mom scolded me. "Your father and I didn't teach you to manhandle women! Apologize to Elena for your behavior now!"

"No, you're right. You didn't teach me how to manhandle women… SHE DID." I look at John who nods at me. "Elena taught me how to fuck. We had a sexual relationship from the time I was fifteen until I was twenty-one. I ended our relationship when I came home from Harvard. She gave me the start-up funds for my company because you would not let me access my trust fund. I repaid her start-up funds when Linc beat and divorced her. My repayment allowed her to start the salon chain. I gifted my interests in the Esclava Salons to Elena on Friday in exchange for her leaving me and my family alone."

"Fifteen…you were fifteen?" Mom paled and then flushed with anger. "I should have recognized those lingering looks you gave him, always asking about him, always asking questions about what he was doing. Lately you've been consumed with asking questions about Anastasia. Was my son the first teenager you seduced?"

"I'm sure I wasn't the first, nor the last. However, I don't want to discuss her sex life. What I want is for Elena to go away and leave us alone. I don't want her within one thousand feet of me or my family. No more crashing lunches, family parties, barbeques, birthdays, holidays, etc." I paused and took a deep breath. "I don't want her at any more Coping Together committee meetings or events. I don't want her working on ANY charity which serves underprivileged youth."

"Does Ana know about your sexual history with Elena?" Mom scowled at Elena.

"Ana knows. The night of Coping Together, Elena tried to recruit Ana as a working girl since we're taking a break from one another. Ana called her a sexual predator and threatened to tell both of you if Elena didn't leave her alone."

"She's a fucking liar," Elena claimed. "Can't you see she would say anything to be in your life?"

"Miss Steele sent the taped conversation to me. Christian knows I saved the conversation in my phone if you want to hear Mrs. Lincoln ask Anastasia Steele to become part of her stable. If anyone has an agenda about keeping secrets quiet…it would be you, Mrs. Lincoln." John almost sighed from relief when Carrick and Grace Grey demurred.

"Elena…did…you…use…my…wife… to… gain… access… to… my… son?" Dad slowly and quietly put his question forward. I recognized his God is in my house and you better pray he kills you before I do tone of voice.

Elena protested, "It wasn't like that," at the same time I said, "yes."

"I'm drawing up no-contact orders for every Grey family member, Grey residence, Grey business, etc. I know a judge who will sign them tomorrow. They will be filed in court before the end of the day." Dad took a deep breath. "Don't come near us again. You will cease volunteering for any charity which provides you access to underage youth or access to my wife and children. If you don't, I will go to the Sex Crimes Unit at SPD. I will inform them of your activities as a madam. You will be investigated, tried and imprisoned. Do we understand one another?" Dad threatened Elena.

"Taylor…" Dad yelled.

Taylor opened the door to Dad's study. "

"Taylor, get this bitch out of my home, now."

Taylor escorted a silent and shocked Elena from the room.

"Take a deep breath, Christian. I imagine your parents have questions." John advised.

"Not right now," Mom drew a deep breath. "I want time to think about this. I didn't know Elena was a madam."

"I'm sorry Mom, their conversation is one of the reasons Ana is angry at her and me. Until I remove Elena from my life, Ana doesn't want anything to do with me. She doesn't like the way Elena uses your friendship to garner information about me. She doesn't like the way Elena acts towards me. She doesn't like the way Elena treats Mia, Kate or her." I rested Mom's hands on my shoulders. I pulled her in for a Grandma Frannie hug, cradling her head against my heart. She was shocked speechless and allows me to hug her. "I'm sorry. I never meant to hurt you, but I couldn't let her use you to ensure my silence any longer."

"I'm starving, and I imagine Elliot is burning my well-planned barbeque with Theo's help." Dad ushered us out of his study. I think he thought I would have a meltdown from Mom touching me. "You are staying for dinner, aren't you? I promise no interrogation tonight."

I nodded, "As long as we feed Taylor also."

"If you don't need me, Rhiann's waiting for me to burn hot dogs and make s'mores for the boys," John patted me on the shoulder on his way out…shocking my parents again.

XXX – 3PPOV

"You're hurting me," Elena tried to yank her arm out of Taylor's grasp.

"I heard you liked pain," Taylor applied more pressure to her arm. "Dr. T. is a kind, decent woman, so is Anastasia Steele. If you come near any of the Greys, Trevelyans, Miss Kavanagh or Miss Steele…the Sex Crimes Unit will believe you fled the country to avoid prosecution, because your body will never be found. My security team and I know one hundred different ways to make you suffer, one hundred different ways to kill you, and a dozen foolproof ways to dispose of your body. Now, get your ass in your car and get the fuck out of here."

Taylor stood watch as she left. "Barney, I need you to hack the emails, computers and security at Elena Lincoln's house and businesses. I want you to hack the CCTV feeds. I want to see everything Lincoln does in the next ninety-six hours. I need the floor plan for her home and every salon. I want to know points of egress. I want to know where the security camera units are located. I want to know the make and model of her security system. I want to know the name of her security company. I want to know the name of every employee on her payroll. I want background checks on all of them. I want to know where they are vulnerable." He sent a broadcast email to Welch and every member of Grey Security, prohibiting contact between Elena Lincoln and the Greys, Trevelyans, Kavanaghs and Steeles.

XXX – CPOV

My hopes of Anastasia spending the holiday with me are slim and none. Ana says the only way she'll ever be with me is if I cut all contact with Elena. I protest I have all cut ties with Elena. She says until I can walk away from the lifestyle which Elena taught me…we will not be in a serious relationship. She claims as long as Elena is free to go where she pleases in Seattle, she doesn't trust either of us. 'This is not my problem and not in my head…' she insists. 'This is the choices you've made and continue to make.'

I'm wide awake…my hear is pounding out of my chest. I wash the night sweats off me and play the piano. Instead of sharing the night skyline with Anastasia…I'm sharing melancholy classical piano songs with my vast great room.