Wounds to Bind Chapter 26 – 'Though a good deal is too strange to be believed, nothing is too strange to have happened.' – Thomas Hardy, The Personal Notebooks of Thomas Hardy

October 19

******** Seattle Times ********
Christian Grey and Rosalynne Bailey - Rescued

What was supposed to be a two-day trip for Grey and Bailey became a thirty-six-hour nightmare for their families. Grey and Bailey left Seattle Monday morning, October seventeenth to fly to Portland, Oregon. They were scheduled to meet with officials at Washington State University, Vancouver to discuss grant funding. Their helicopter, owned by Grey Enterprises Holdings and piloted by Christian Grey, developed catastrophic engine failure. Before the helicopter guidance system failed, Grey set the helicopter down in a forested area near the Columbia River Gorge.

"We had time to grab the fire suppressant tanks and battle the fire in the engine compartment before it consumed the helicopter. We changed out of suits into jeans, hoodies and sneakers. Christian placed the important papers and our laptops in a gym bag. We had no food, minimal water and no cell service. We started hiking south. When it was too dark to continue hiking, we slept in a small ground clearing. We would not have been seen from the air, as the tree canopy was quite thick. When dawn broke, Christian woke me and we resumed hiking."

Grey and Bailey eventually hiked to an opening in the forest. Once they were able to get two bars on Grey's cell phone, they contacted GEH Security to tell them what happened. GEH security alerted Portland Mountain Rescue. While security crews pinged Grey's cell signal, a PMR air crew began an active search for them by air late Tuesday morning. Once they were spotted, PMR ground crews found them by mid-afternoon.

"They were a bit worse for wear, but so much better than we expected after the helicopter went down and caught fire. Grey was bruised and dehydrated. Bailey had a second degree burn on her left-hand which Grey bandaged with supplies from the helicopter emergency kit. He covered her hand with a gym sock to keep the bandage clean. She was also bruised and dehydrated. Once we examined them, hydrated them, and fed them protein bars, we explained the rough terrain we were facing to get them out," Aaron Vance, PMR crew chief explained.

"The foliage was too dense for safe extraction by air where they were located. Our choices were a brutal two-hour hike to an extraction site where we could take them out by helicopter, or an hour and a half downhill hike to an UR (utility road) through rough terrain. Grey and Bailey chose not to go by helicopter. We radioed the helicopter crew we were coming out on foot. The helicopter crew radioed headquarters who contacted GEH."

"We hiked for just over one and a half hours to the UR where we met ground crews waiting with ATVs. Grey and Bailey were fatigued by then, but were in excellent spirits. We radioed PMR to have an ambulance waiting. We traveled another thirty minutes via ATV from the UR to the paved parking area by the trailhead. Grey and Bailey were taken to Providence Portland Medical Center. After examination and treatment, Grey and Bailey were greeted by family and GEH Security. Upon release and a quick sound bite thanking PMR for their rescue, Grey and Bailey were taken to the Portland Airport and flown home to Seattle on the GEH corporate jet." Vance continued with the press conference.

"Bailey and Grey posed for a group shot with our PMR rescue team, PPMC staff and Metro West paramedics before posing with Bailey/Grey family members and security staff. Grey said the NTSB would be in touch on how to retrieve and return the GEH helicopter to Boeing Field in Seattle for analysis and repair."

GEH Communications announced Grey and Bailey were sorry to miss their meeting with the WSUV officials. However, they wanted to assure the public and university officials GEH grant funding at WSUV would continue. GEH publicly thanked PMR, PPMC and Metro West for their excellent rescue and care of Grey and Bailey.

Photo Caption: Christian Grey and Rosalynne Bailey are hugged by family members after their rescue.

XXX – APOV

Kate wasn't home when I left this morning. Christian was not in touch either. I texted Jessica I need my parking spot. There are things to do. Just in case Christian comes looking for me, I'm wearing the plum ensemble. My hair is in big soft waves and curls. My makeup is almost perfect. I barely ate breakfast, staring at the online report and rescue pictures of Christian and Ros Bailey.

I'm amazed to see the group hug photo of Christian and his family. He really is getting touch therapy. My thoughts and fears Christian died in the helicopter crash are a dark memory. Ethan is right; I still have feelings for Christian. I feel the time has come for my journey of self-discovery and maturity. Sometimes, I don't like who I am without Christian, and I forget who I am when I'm with him.

I text Harley. My hesitation about nailing Jack or Elena evaporated. I need to see Harley tonight because I made an appointment with a life coach tomorrow. I snicker. Kate will never let me live this down if she finds out. I just need someone discreet to talk to, and someone who won't badger me to a breaking point with intrusive questions.

XXX – 3PPOV

OMG! Sir was almost killed…why wasn't she there when he was released from the hospital? I would have been there. I would have let him know how much he meant to me. Accidents take away everyone you love in minutes and you never get the time back. Why is Sir waiting around for someone who doesn't want him? Leila cried until she fell asleep. When she woke, she didn't remember if she was crying for Sir, or crying for her lost love. She just knew Sir would replace her hurtful pain with pleasant pain she wanted…and needed.

XXX – 3PPOV

"He's safe," Olivia spoke tearfully into the phone. "He's taking a few days off to be with his parents and grandparents."

"Where are you calling from?" Lauren could barely understand her friend and roommate. "There's an echo."

"I'm supposed to ensure Mr. Grey's private bathroom at Grey House is stocked with toiletries and towels. I'm to take any dirty clothes to Security." Olivia sighed.

"Send me a picture," her friend urged. "I'd love to see his bathroom."

"Not just no, but OMG, I'll be fired no!" Olivia protested. "You just need to know this bathroom is masculine and smells just like him. I need to go. I was supposed to finish fifteen minutes ago." Olivia took a picture of his bathroom for her. Sometimes a girl needs pictures for midnight fantasies.

Octavia Blandino counseled Olivia this morning before she went to work. When men like Christian Grey had life-altering experiences…they generally made room in their lives for a wife, family and a home life. Olivia knew she was not the woman he wanted…he still had the hots for Anastasia Steele. Olivia didn't understand…there was nothing special about her. She was certainly not on the same social level as her roommate, Kate Kavanagh, or Olivia. What the hell did Christian see in that shy bookworm? Neither Lauren nor Elena understood, and they were so good about listening to her mope about him. Elena urged her to support him during his upcoming M&A meetings. She counseled Oliva to take a lesson in self-confidence from Andrea. She was, after all, the assistant professional assistant to Christian Grey. She was obviously capable, or she would not have the position. Olivia took a picture of his cologne, planning to stop and pick up sample cards.

The executive floor reception desk had been inundated all morning with flowers, gourmet chocolates, fruit baskets, bottles of expensive champagne, phone calls and best wishes from the universe…celebrating the fact Christian Grey was alive. The building was festive…like before a holiday. Their CEO, Christian Grey, would be around to run the business for another day. Andrea kept a running list of the items delivered. Security distributed bouquets to nurses stations and reception areas at Northwest Hospital. Security delivered chocolates and champagne to the Greater Seattle Chamber of Commerce to send to new businesses. Fruit baskets were routed to Northwest Harvest. Andrea kept a huge bouquet for the console table by the elevator, and kept a large gold box of Godiva chocolates for the executive office staff. She sent the two Starbucks baskets to Security for their use.

October 20 – APOV

"Okay, I'm officially curious," Mary Bayer began our discussion with a laugh. "I signed your nondisclosure agreement, but I don't talk about my clients to anyone. I'm bound by doctor-patient confidentiality. Your NDA was not necessary."

"Believe me, it was." I'm glad we're sequestered in a private office, away from the large group of women entering and exiting the building. I asked yesterday for an extended lunch hour for a health appointment today. Elizabeth gave me a questioning look. I didn't offer more information, I just explained I would work late to make up the time. I addressed my life coach, "I have self-esteem issues. I had a relationship with a man. I cannot reveal his name." I show her the graduation picture, the picture of Christian at the art gallery with my sun ray picture, and the picture of us at the Grey Publishing Open House.

Mary's eyes widen significantly before she hands the phone back to me. I immediately delete the pictures. "I signed a non-disclosure agreement for him. I am not supposed to talk about him to anyone, but I need guidance. Hence, the NDA."

"Well, let's get to know one another and then we'll develop a plan to meet your goals." Mary suggested. "I'll tell you three things about me, and then you tell me three things about you. We will exchange information a few times until you are comfortable with me. Ready?"

I nodded.

"I love carbs, but I only eat them on Sunday. Pancakes, waffles, muffins, pasta, cake, ice cream, mashed potatoes with cream gravy or biscuits dripping with honey butter. I try not to eat copious amounts, but Sunday is my day to indulge. My life is filled with either the Ya-Ya Sisterhood or Steel Magnolias. I'm from Raleigh, South Carolina. My mom and her four sisters are a force of nature. They take after my maternal grandmother and her two sisters. I'm in Seattle, on the West Coast, because I fell in love with a marketing manager whose family is located here. We have a condo in the city, but we spend weekends on the family acreage outside the city. The family has one hundred acres of pick-your-own gardens, pumpkin patches, and fruit and nut orchards. The acreage has a cleared area where everyone in the extended family has a cabin. We have the option of opening our cabins to tourists. Renting the cabins pays the property taxes and upkeep." Mary indicated I should talk.

"I was born at Camp Pendleton. My biological father died in a Marine Corps training exercise the day after I was born. My mother has been married four times. She is currently married and living in Savannah, Georgia. The man I call Dad is Mom's second husband, Ray Steele. He's been part of my life since I can remember. I have no siblings. I don't know if I have an extended family because I know nothing about my biological parents' families. Mom doesn't talk about them."

"Okay, let's repeat the process," Mary sipped her water. "A health scare for my maternal grandmother lead to interest in personal health for my mother, aunts, cousins and me. My mom and aunts renovated an old warehouse in Raleigh into a gym for women. I donate blood regularly and have been typed for the National Organ Donor Registry. I exercise daily, swim weekly and participate in marathons which support charities."

"I hate exercising, but running and walking clear my head. I have worked since I was sixteen at Steele Woodworks in Montesano, which my dad owns. He taught me about woods, screws, nails, tools, etc. I worked at a hardware store while I was in college. My degree is in English Literature from WSUV. I work for a publishing company. I don't necessarily love my job, but I love the company and most of the things I'm learning."

"Very good…do you feel like another round?" Mary started talking when I nodded. "I love to read. I read science fiction and fantasy books. I love Harry Potter, Vampire Academy, Lord of the Rings, Dune, A Song of Fire and Ice… Fire and ice roses are my favorite flower." She pointed to a bud vase on her desk holding three petite fire and ice rosebuds. "I read Seattle Met, Seattle Life and the lifestyle section of Seattle Times and the New York Times before I read books. I love art deco motif clothes, jewelry, buildings, etc. I love The Great Gatsby for the settings and costumes, plus the cars! I don't care for jazz music, which sounds like people arguing to me. I like the big band sounds of Gershwin, Dorsey, Miller, etc." Mary indicated I should talk.

"I prefer tea to coffee. I love tea shops. I love bridal and baby tea party showers. I love to cook. My roommates would cripple you for my lasagna. I would like to travel to England and Italy one day, to see where writers lived and wrote. I love classic English literature…Hardy, Elliot, Brontë sisters, Austen, Dickens and Wilde. I'm a jeans and sweatshirts girl. I dress nice for work…which is an issue since Mr. Nameless bought the company. Every woman, and lots of men, upgraded their wardrobes and personal grooming in case they catch his eye. We don't have casual Fridays at work anymore. I don't like casual conversations over drinks with coworkers on Fridays. I don't like cocktail parties."

"Rule number one – use real names. Giving people nicknames gives them power in your life – like Lord Voldemort in the Harry Potter movies. Why don't you like socializing over drinks?" Mary took good notes.

"Mom's third husband was a functioning alcoholic. He worked every day and he was a good provider as far as my mother was concerned. He was abusive and took great delight in humiliating me, threatening me and terrorizing me. There was no physical abuse. I managed to live with him and Mom for nine months during my sophomore year in high school. Then I spent the summer with Dad in Montesano, and never returned to live with Mom. Dad has always been there for me. Mom's been more involved with her men. I don't think she was neglectful, but she wasn't always actively involved in my life."

"Give me an example of how she wasn't engaged in your life?" Mary directed.

"She missed my high school graduation and my college graduation. I graduated in the top ten students in high school and Summa Cum Laude in college." I explain. "Dad is a gifted carpenter. I was always fascinated by the beautiful work he turned out. Every military base where we were assigned, Dad did all the repairs and painting of our military housing. He didn't like waiting around for the maintenance crews from the base to have time. When Grandpa Steele died, Dad mustered out of the Army and we moved to Montesano. Dad ran the family business. My elementary school years were spent on military bases. My junior high years were in Montesano. I mentioned I wanted to follow in Dad's footsteps to Mom. She divorced him shortly after. I spent a year wandering the country with Mom, and nine months in Texas and Las Vegas with her third husband. My education took me in a different direction. I love books, but I need a connection to Dad's workshop a few times a year. I still wonder what my life would have been like if my parents hadn't divorced and if I'd become a carpenter."

"Do you think the reason you are hesitant to talk about what's important to you is because you revealed a thought about wanting to become a carpenter and then your parents divorced?" Mary's question made me think.

"Perhaps," I acknowledge. "I don't remember them ever fighting. Dad's taciturn by nature and Mom's a chameleon. I think she said she wanted a divorce and I don't think he tried to change her mind. He's been single since their marriage dissolved and just recently met a new woman. He likes her a lot, and so do I. They are incredibly good together. She's a college professor."

"My emphasis is helping people create a positive change in their lives. We talk about your personal goals such as relationships, time management, work-life balance, stress reduction, life simplification, health, etc. I have a PhD in psychology. I don't like to say I'm counseling people. I want to help clients identify and achieve their greater goals and to help them live a better life. I'm part life coach, part best friend, part intuitionalist, part fashionista. I will coax, nurture or prod you so you rock life."

"I'd like to rock life…but I'm not self-confident." I admitted.

"I begin with health assessments. Sometimes depression is a medical by-product. I'd like you to get a complete physical, comprehensive blood and urine tests, etc. We'll talk about using food, exercise and career to fuel your life choices. I will provide guidance, not control, while you piece everything in your life together to suit you. You will make the decisions for your life. I can tell you…small changes can create massive results." Mary handed me the forms to get a physical, blood and urine tests completed on Saturday.

"I have late hours on Tuesday and morning hours on Saturday which might fit your schedule." Mary consulted her computerized calendar.

"Let's schedule Tuesday evenings for now, especially if I want to see Dad over the weekend." I suggested.

"Six-thirty to eight work for you? We can have a working dinner. Tuesdays I eat ethnic – Oriental, Indian, Italian, Tex-Mex, Thai, etc."

"Works for me. I can say I'm having dinner with a friend and no one will question me." I add Mary on Tuesday nights to my cell calendar.

"This is the part a lot of people don't like. I have one hundred questions I'd like you to answer. Please write when you start and when you finish on the test. If you can only answer five questions, be sure to note the time expended. Take all the time you need, but if you can return the questions next week, I would appreciate your diligence. I also have food diary program I'd like you to complete daily and email to me. For the rest of today's session, let's do some word association. I will say a letter of the alphabet and I want you to answer with the first word which pops into your head. Ready?" She watched as I nodded. "A."

"Excel"

"B"

"Blackberries, my favorite fruit."

"C"

"Control freak, condo, Carla, couture, Charlie Tango…" I stopped and sighed.

"Whoa…that was a mouthful. Who is the control freak?" Mary taps her pen on the paper where she's taking notes.

I remained mute for a minute. "Christian and the trait he exhibits which I hate the most. I share a condo near Pike Place Market with my roommate, Kate. Carla is my mother. Couture because Kate's a fashionista and her mother is Celeste Kavanagh of Couture by Celeste." I sighed. "Charlie Tango is the name of Christian's helicopter which crashed…resulting in his missing for thirty-six hours…resulting in my roommate saying I wouldn't react so badly to Christian's accident if I wasn't in love with him...which resulted in my talking to you because I'm confused and unsettled."

"D" Mary doesn't demand in-depth explanations for my answers.

"Dad…" I paused. I will not say the word Dominant, debasement, nondisclosure, decadence or dark. "Mom resets her life with every new man. I love her, but we will never have the close relationship I have with Dad. He's my rock."

"There was a thought there but you didn't voice it," Mary's gentle voice would not make me break my NDA with Christian.

"I'm…," I shrugged.

"Fine, don't stress over vocalizing your thought. E."

"Ethan, Elliot, exercise, eating. Ethan is Kate's brother. I think of him like a brother. However, he just moved out of the condo because I won't date him. I don't feel that way about him, which is why I paused on D. I don't want to date right now, and either everyone thinks I should reconcile with Christian or move on. I don't want to do either until my head is in the right place. Elliot is Christian's brother and he's dating my roommate Kate. Exercise and eating are part of the control freak issues Christian has." I'm proud I didn't name Escala, Elena or Esclava while I was blurting out information.

"I won't ask again, but what is he like?" I can't blame Mary for her curiosity. She's not the only one in my life with questions.

"Kate said he's seriously hot. He's tall, lean, muscular, broad-shouldered, hard body…copper curls and grey eyes which change shades with his mood. He's not only good looking, but he's polite, intense, smart, funny, intimidating, controlling, and high-handed. I'll never meet another man like him. He fascinates me, he irritates me, he infuriates me…" He sets my fantasies ablaze with one look from those eyes.

"There was a thought there," Mary observes my face again.

"Yes," I paused. "Everything is different. I thought I was moving to Seattle to begin a career and a relationship with the handsomest man I ever met. Now I'm alone because I can't live with his inner demons, which makes me question my inner demons. Christian really doesn't have a point of reference on how to handle relationships and romance. I really have no point of reference either…because we're not in a book plot. Mom, Dad and Kate haven't been the best living examples either."

"I am amazed at how confidence or lack of confidence affects our lives. Some of the best decisions I made have been at the lowest levels of self-esteem in my life. Some of my worst decisions were made when I was overly-confident and had an inflated ego. I've found when I have feelings of inadequacy…I also have a higher sense of intuition. Like when you are blind, your sense of smell or hearing is sharpened." Mary paused. "I will teach you to recognize, accept and use your emotions, feelings and intuition."

"I'm counting on you," I smiled. "After a certain point in the evening, my brain just wanders off task, never to return. In a low energy state, I can make poor decisions with self-destructive consequences."

"Assignments time," Mary handed over a sheet of paper. "Between now and Halloween – find affirmations which speak to you. Create a screensaver of random affirmations on your home computer. I'd like you to share them with me. November – give thanks – pay it forward – reconnect with family and friends. December – find the light in your life – pay it forward – do a random act of kindness. January – new starts – where do you want to be when January 2013 arrives."

I stare at the paper she gave me.

"I think we've accomplished enough for today. Saturday – doctor, next Tuesday – dinner. In the meantime, work on your questionnaire and the food diary. You can email me if you have questions or concerns as you have time if you want. If you have self-doubt moments during the week, please email me." Mary gave me a card with her pertinent information on it. "Here is your doctor's excuse for today if you need one for work, on the Women's Health Center letterhead. The doctor's excuse says I'm sending you for a physical and tests on Saturday. I doubt you will get grief from your company, but if you do, send them to me." She paused. "I'm ending our session with a quote…I don't remember where I read this, but I like it. Throughout it all, you are still, always you: beautiful and bruised, known and unknowable."

XXX – CPOV

Reynolds report to Jason Taylor: Miss Steele drove to work early, worked out in the Grey Annex gym. She drove to the Women's Health Center and met with Dr. Mary Bayer. (Suggest background check on Mary Bayer, PhD.) After extended lunch hour she returned to work. She worked late to make up the time from lunch. She drove home. No one following her to or from work. I can't hack her phone or her home emails. Barney needs to take a look.

XXX – APOV

I remember Ethan's directive not to self-medicate, but I could really use a drink while I'm completing Mary's questionnaire. I wonder how she will react to my labeling one-fifth of the questions as stupid. I answered them, but either I think the question is stupid, or the possible answers are.

I should have started therapy months ago. Actually I should have started therapy years ago when Mom's third husband was verbally abusive to me. I think I learned to question the people in my life when Mom married him. I attended school, and took care of the house and cooking, including doing the laundry. Mom had a part-time job as a secretary in a large real-estate firm. She slept in until after I went to school, and was gone when I got home. She would go to happy hours after work with him. I'd be alone until they came home. I learned to lock myself in my room after dark so I missed the drunken slap and tickle, or the abusive arguments.

I coasted through these last few months, keeping busy to avoid overthinking Christian and myself. The possibility Christian would die from his accident woke me up. I can't stop thinking about what ifs...and I need to get my act together. I don't know much about relationships...but I don't like the way Christian dismissed my declaration of love, or ignored my need to be independent and make something of myself. If I had no life goals...I suppose I could sit around and wait until he had time to be with me...but I'm not Mom. I'm not built that way.

I feel Christian and I are emotionally unavailable to one another… but I feel the sparks fly when we are close to one another. I'm tortured by wet dreams of him. Would we be different with one another if we met under different circumstances? Maybe we don't know how to have a relationship with each other because we've hidden our true feelings for so long? What ifs are a conundrum.

October 21 – CPOV

"I'm not coming to therapy tonight," I apologize to Sela. "Tomorrow I'm going with the team retrieving and transporting my helicopter to Boeing Field. I'm stressed about the crash and stressed about the possible results. Thank you… however… because I was able to group hug my family when I saw them."

"I saw you on TV. I'm proud of you. I'll be here when you are ready to begin again." Sela promised. "Please let John know."

"I will." What I don't say is I had a night terror about Ana leaving Seattle and never coming back to me. I have to tell John, but I hate myself right now. Taylor thinks Charlie Tango was sabotaged…which means I put Ros's life in danger. Our families were frightened.

Ros took two days off to be with Gwen. They decided to start a family and this stress sidelined their life choice right now. Gwen should have been pregnant by now, but the in-vitro failed last month. They missed this month's appointment because of the crash. Gwen wanted to have the baby over the summer so she could have maternity time before school begins in the fall. Have I been blind to what's going on around me because I focused on how to reconcile with Ana? Is Taylor right? Was Charlie Tango sabotaged?

I've been working with Legal to prep incorporation papers for Mia's new business. GEH bought Executive Events. The owner was ready to retire and wanted to relocate near her family in Arizona. GEH acquired her contact list, her contracts, her records, her vendors, four employees and unlimited consultations for two years via Skype, email and phones. She'll fly back to Seattle if necessary. Mia's establishing offices for Grey Calendars at Grey Annex.

John admonished me; I cannot use Mia to spy on Ana. I replied I don't plan to use my sister. I don't like the feeling of being used for other people's agendas. I will, however, encourage Mia to become friends with Ana. Mia needs Ana's steady and sensible influence.

I also don't tell John I ordered Taylor to assign a CPO to Ana at least part time.

October 22 – APOV

After I get my tests and physical at the Women's Health Center, I'm off to Montesano. Dad and I need to discuss working at Steele Woodworks over Veterans Day weekend and Thanksgiving. Dad pays my student loan when I work one weekend a month at the shop. I will tell Dad I need to save my extra funds so I can fly to Savannah for Christmas. He knows how Mom is, working for a student loan payment won't be an issue. He has lots of projects to finish before Christmas last year and appreciates all the help I gave him.

I need the extra cash to continue seeing Mary and to pay more rent to the Kavanaghs. I feel honor bound to pay more for my share of the rent, since I feel guilty because Ethan moved out. Kate says increasing my rent not necessary because I cook and clean. If rent becomes an issue, we'll look for another roommate.

XXX – CPOV

Reynolds text to Jason Taylor: Miss Steele to the Women's Health Center before nine. Blood and urine tests and physical. Her paperwork cited her yearly physical. Drove to Montesano. Will probably spend weekend with Ray Steele and return to Seattle early Monday morning. No one following her.

XXX – Kate's POV

Ana's in Montesano visiting her dad. Elliot flew to Portland with Christian. His people coordinated with NTSB to move the helicopter from the forest to a private airfield in Portland to conduct their investigation. Christian and Elliot are flying back when the helicopter is returned to Boeing Field. I told Dad to schedule a reporter and photographer at Boeing Field when Christian's helicopter returns to Seattle next week. I could hang out with Mia, but I think I'll take a page from Ana's playbook and concentrate on tasks.

I need to finish my article on Help for Halloween. For donations, the National Honor Society from Seattle Prep is offering to chaperone groups of kids for trick or treating. They plan to match the funds raised by donations to buy toys for the Toys for Tots campaign. I learned about their fundraiser from a flyer sent to me, as a previous alumnus. None of the other interns are working this angle. I proofed the article, verified the contact information and emailed the article to my boss today. I hope Help for Halloween is included in tomorrow's lifestyle section.

I also found out about a Light the Night project from Elliot. Several senior citizen programs contacted Elliot and other construction or landscape companies to donate their time. The project improves outdoor night lighting at homes of senior citizens. I have great pictures of Elliot and two of his men working on six different homes. The article was finished and submitted days ago.

Our Lifestyle Editor has crap assignments for everyone: Scents, Sales, Scenes, and Selections of the Season. I got Selections – food, wine, menus for holidays and parties, including holiday plans and hours for restaurants which bought advertising in the big holiday edition.

I turned in the Halloween menus and party ideas the first of October. Halloween's article had a menu for couples, families and for office parties. Ana was a good sport and created a spider for me from meatloaf, breadsticks, pizza sauce, red radishes and black olive rings. Elliot, my perpetual child boyfriend, took after the cute spider with a carving knife. Ana howled with laughter. She served the spider with ghost potato mounds and other fun Halloween food on the family menu.

The November menus are ready to go. Ana helped me with breakfast, dinner and snack menus specialized for vegans, gluten-free, carb free, and first timers. Another article lists gourmet buffets offered in the city. I tempered the buffet list with a list of the soup kitchens which will be open to feed the homeless and indigent. I plan to ask Mia for help with the December, January and February menus and ideas. Ana gave me her list of leftover casseroles for using turkey. I built an article around her lists.

So far, all my work assignments have been crap. I've enjoyed dashing through the research and writing so I can concentrate on developing interesting ideas. Each of my interesting articles has been picked up by Seattle Times. I research for the November, December and January work assignments while keeping my Skype open if Elliot contacts me. I want to whisper dirty words in Elliot's ear, but he's not here. SIGH.

Ethan came earlier to pick up clothes and things. He's moving in with a friend who lives close to the campus. He said he needs to concentrate on his classes. I'm sad Ana wouldn't date him, because she doesn't want to date anyone right now. Part of me wants to go kick Christian's ass. His blowing hot and cold just messes with her head. Asshole…if he knew he wasn't good enough for her, he should have stayed away from her in the first place. I don't dare discuss my innate feelings of distrust for him with Elliot. Christian must have hurt her more than she lets on because she will not discuss him…not with Ray, José, Carla or me. What the fuck is that about? Is she embarrassed because her first attempt at dating and boyfriends crashed and burned before a month was over? My relationship with Elliot is longer than any relationship post high school. However, Ana saw enough of my dating failures which began on a Friday evening and ended on a Sunday evening.

October 25 – APOV

Mary and I had Chinese for dinner while discussing my tests and physical. She says I'm a little anemic and recommended a multi-vitamin. She also recommended I get a detox massage this weekend. She thinks I will feel better, mentally, after a day of pampering. I email Kate, telling her I'm desperate for a spa day on Saturday. I'd rather not share our time with anyone, but if she has to invite Mia, I will understand – as long as we go to Aqua Spa.

Mary had five questions for me this week. What was great about my life this week; what did I accomplish this week; what am I grateful for; am I using this time to grow or am I beating myself up; and what would or did make the biggest difference in my life this week.

I think about each question and answer honestly. The great thing about my life this week was seeing Dad on the weekend. I feel so comfortable with him and with his girlfriend Laura. She's teaching weekend seminars right now and was grateful to have a quiet night with us on Saturday. She brought her two dogs with her. I played with Timber and Tundra, which I felt eased my stress levels. I showed a picture of them to Mary. She agreed they are cute.

As for my accomplishments, I could only point to work events. We're gearing up for a new author launch in Las Vegas in March. I will be working with Grey Calendars, the event planning company owned by Mia Grey. The open house for Grey Calendars is scheduled for Halloween. She will be located in Grey Annex also. I express concern about Mia reporting my schedule and activities back to Christian.

I am grateful for my job, and for my resolve to seek counseling. I laugh and say I'm trying not to beat myself up…but again, I keep overthinking the issue. When Mary asks what will make the difference in my life…I am hesitant to tell her about participating in the SEC investigation. Instead I prevaricate and say praying for Christian's and Ros's safe return was the biggest difference in my life this last month. She agreed I can't do everything by myself…and sometimes you have to call upon a higher power. As self-sufficient as I have been, even I need a helping hand.

"Send air hugs and air prayers they don't hurt." Mary reminds me to watch for the Northern Lights the next few nights. She swears a celestial event will brighten my mood.

My next assignment is to track my exercise. She emails the program to use. So, I'm tracking my food, multi-vitamin and exercise this week…and all the Christian rules scream in my head.

XXX – 3PPOV

Reynolds text to Jason Taylor: Miss Steele drove to work early, worked out in the Grey Annex gym. Work calendar has the editorial staff meeting for today. She's still part of the team until their new employee begins on October thirty-first. Picture attached, pencil skirt, twin set and pumps. Lunch in the cafeteria with coworkers. She drove to the Women's Health Center and had dinner with Mary Bayer. (Suggest background check on Mary Bayer, PhD. Again.) She stopped at an all-night pharmacy for multi-vitamins, cold and flu OTC meds and cold supplies like tissues, disinfecting spray, soap and hand sanitizer, etc. She drove home. No one following her to or from work. No one observing her at WHC.