Gordie spent that whole week trying to stay out of the house. He couldn't relax in his own home. Winter Break, what was that? He was stuck with Chris for two weeks. Two fuckin weeks. Couldn't go home to Boca Raton, Mom and Dad went to Mexico for the time.

Was being with Chris that bad? Couldn't he go back to Castle Rock (NO).

Gordie wondered if being this mad at him was still worth it.

—

It was now 5:45 pm

Where did Chris go? Each day this week, Chris wouldn't come home til it was real late.

Gordie looked at the watch, and turned the tube on. Star Trek was on. Saturday night was a real drag. Gordie read Proust, Tolstoy's The Brothers Karamazov, Yasunari Kawabata's Snow Country, even Austen's Sense and Sensibility.

When he was about to get another book, Gordie looked on the desk, his old red journal lie there, battered but also loved. He wondered how much Chris rifled through the journal, what did he think? He might have asked him if he was ever home. This week was hard, and they didn't exchange more than 50 words.

Gordie sighed and took the journal to the couch, the old flowered couch and threw it there. He turned off the TV, and went back to it.

Gordie opened the journal. And looked in the pages.

One line was circled with red ink.

No one sees me, Not my dad, or mom. Only you do Chris.

This was a deep memory, when Chris stopped talking to him after his dad died.

A letter fell out.

It was in yellow notepad paper. The ink was faded but It was in the chicken scratch that Chris still wrote in.

Gordie,

I am writing this a year later, after I gave you my box and got this journal. If I could take back everything, If I could show you I love you, it would be a miracle to do so once again. I can't believe I did this to you. My lover, My boyfriend, My best friend. I see you, a beautiful young man, the rose of my heart. I can't believe I lost you. Where was I to not see what I had. What I have. That is what matters now. If I could turn back the hand of time, I would pull you close and never let you go. I wanted to run away that night in the wood with you. Celeste, Kimmy, Annie, Beverly. I can't remember their faces, but I remember yours. What do you look like now? Do you still dream of me? Love me?

-Chris.

Gordie threw the book at the wall and held his head in his hands. Tears fresh as they were the day they first spilled for Chris.

"I love you. I can't tell you, but I do."

—-

After a few days, a routine settled. Gordie would retreat in his room. Chris would leave, and then vice versa. After three days, it had gotten tiring. It was now Monday. Gordie hid in his room after Chris left.

It was 10:50. Chris stumbled in drunk.

He had been drinking at Stuckey's Bar, Chris had become a regular. The guys liked him, the girls wanted him, but he only wanted one person. He felt no kind of emotion, except anger and pent up desire at his roommate. Damn that Gordie. Can't forgive me. He probably gots all sorts of dick. I never did. Damn him, I want to love on him but he wont let me. Chris's thoughts were wild at that moment. Gordie was asleep. The lights were off in his room.

He went into his wing of the apartment and pulled out all the notes in the box.

One was folded at the bottom neatly.

Dated for this past May.

5-12-66

Hi Chris, how are you? If I only knew the hell you went through, I think I would have second guessed everything. In trying to protect me, you showed me you'd sacrifice your own happiness, well guess what, dummy, it takes two. Two to work together, Two to love together. I can't forget you. I don't wanna forget you. I want us to be together. Forever. I forgive you for everything. I hope you go back to school one day, and don't stay in Castle Rock. For you. I'm sorry for ever doubting you.

I will always love you-Gordon Lachance.

Chris bit his lip. He was stifling a cry. In his lonely room.

—

Gordie was startled awake with pounding at the door. He slept on his bed after crying for so long. It had only been a few days and all the old feelings crept up. He cried on his bed and slept. Chris and him only exchanged a few sentences. "I'm going out" "Lock the door."

Why did he find it hard to talk to him like adults, and acting like they were twelve? Suddenly, there was loud pounding at the door. Followed by a real surly voice.

"GET UP GORDIE"

Gordie recognized the voice, "Drunk Chris, fuck." He didn't want the neighbors to wake up, so he jumped out of bed, in his pajamas and opened the door.

"What are you doin, you crazy?" Gordie said through gritted teeth.

"We need to talk now." Chris said in a serious tone.

Chris grabbed him by the arm, and pulled him to the living, where he wrapped his arms around Gordie. That lavender scent was still on him. What no one knew is the smell turns him on because of Gordie.

"I love you Gordie." Chris was slurring his words. The last time he was drunk, he hurt him in more ways than one.

Gordie wasn't gonna risk it, he couldn't. But something was different. Chris usually drunk himself stupid when was upset, but here, he was upset but happy?

Gordie pushed Chris off of him. "Not now. You are drunk. Tomorrow."

Chris pulled him back like a yo-yo. "No, today, you will leave tomorrow…"

Gordie pulled Chris's arm to his room. "Chris, go to bed."

Chris whined and whimpered like a puppy. "Grumpy. Put me to bed." Gordie gave a half smile. Then undressed him. Pulled the denim jacket, the black shirt off his head (skin a rabbit), the denim jeans and sneakers. All he was in was his boxers and socks. A victim of whiskey dick apparently.

Chris was almost naked and he said "what about you."

"No, not me. You. In bed. Please?" Gordie pleaded.

"Then you come into bed with me. Please?" Chris begged.

Chris climbed into bed. Gordie came in. "Keep your paws off ya hear? And no funny business like moving my legs."

Chris asked one question. "Kiss me goodnight?"

Gordie bent over to kiss him, but that lit a fire, Chris reached up and rolled him over and was now over him.

Gordie blushed and even liked it. He was hard in his pajamas. But so was Chris, poking out of the hole in his striped boxers.

"Its not right, you are drunk." Gordie said with a frown. Chris understood. He rolled over and held him.

"We can wait. I want to when I'm not drunk and I can remember everything about you."