I added a few things but, what would fanfic be without that. This "chapter" is a continuation of the conversation and following events we didn't get during "All Things". I will be the first to admit without hesitation I am not a writer, I have taken no writing courses, nor do I aspire to be a writer. I have my own style and hopefully it isn't "too" anything. This is my first fanfic writing. I would like to do more but I'll need some reviews to reinforce the writings. I love these two and the X Files. Reviews are welcome they make any subsequent "stories" better.
I don't own any of the characters, they belong to Chris Carter and 1013 Productions. I make no money from these stories they are simply for fun.
To say the last 48 hours had been exhausting for each of them would be an understatement. She just wanted a quiet weekend to shed the weight of weeks of busy, intense, work they had been doing. Her refusal to go to England with Mulder and wait for "aliens" to leave behind crop circles in some large, out-of-the-way corn field was unthinkable. Now she wondered if that wouldn't have been cathartic compared to her own journey, although self-admittedly she knows that wasn't true. Whatever she had experienced was life-changing and enlightening to say the least. She found the distance between them painful to her.
"Jesus Christ Dana how much longer can you do this to yourself. You pine, you ache, you can feel the warmth coming off him when he is within inches of you." She muttered to herself and at the same time knowing she would need to be honest with herself and with him.
She could be throwing away seven years of a friendship. A friendship, she smiled, a friendship what an understatement. He was everything to her except her boyfriend and what a cheap term to describe him. She wanted him to be a life's partner, she knew he was he soulmate in sense of the term, That knowledge answered any questions she may have had.
If she learned nothing from the last few days she learned: all things led her to Mulder. Her decision to go to medical school, her decision to work for the FBI, her decision to be assigned to the X-Files, her decision to stay working with him to spite everything they have been through together. She can't bring herself to imagine a life without him.
Now sitting on his couch as she had done so many times over the years was becoming more, and more comfortable. Leaving was taking more energy than it once had and when she thought about it, she was terrified to realize the reason behind it. Letting him know she was deeply, insanely, madly, and undeniably in love with him would test their bond. She couldn't hold her private emotions much longer.
The memories crept in as she waited for him to retrieve two cold beers from his barely stocked refrigerator. They have always been there for each other from the beginnings of their partnership. How much more mistaken could the FBI higher-ups have been in assigning her to the X-Files to watch over him. Now years later they had been through injuries, abductions, her cancer, both Melissa, and his father's murder, not to mention near death on how many occasions. Each of these events ending with hand holding many times at the bedside in a hospital room, a smile, a hug, or a simple hey.
She pondered how could a man who worked out on a regular basis whether in a gym or a pool could barely have anything of sustenance in his home except bottled beer. She allowed her thoughts to wander, something that, at the moment was all she could manage. Had it really been seven years since their first introduction? The day she entered his office becoming one of the "FBI's most unwanted" wasn't a day she would ever forget. She stepped in and observed him, the man who would one day be so much more than just her partner. He was leaning over his slides with a magnifying lens. She was unprepared for his physical attractiveness. His hair was dark, his eyes green, his smile was apprehensive, defensive, and paranoid all at the same time. When he stood or rather unfolded himself from his chair, she noticed him to be tall, lanky, and quite charming. Upon introducing herself to him he half heartly shook her hand accusing her of being a spy. She looked at him warily and wondered just what he had been told about her.
Their first case left her unprepared, curious, and intrigued by him, his knowledge, and his passion for his work and of course the cases themselves. She laid awake in her bed trying to make sense of what she had seen and heard knowing she needed more. Her scientific, rational world had been shaken to its foundation. What else would her partner show her, expose her to and give her to think about.
All those years ago and now they sit in his living room on his couch talking as they had done at each other's homes so many times. Now, she looked at him wondering if he is her destiny or her free will, either way she needed to let him know he was her choice. Her choice to be a professional partner, a best friend, a confidant, a potential father to her children, and now hopefully her life's partner. Knowing what she needed to say to him frightened her to her core. He could crush her soul, her being, her very existence if she had been reading him wrong. All that terrified her but, she needed more from him. Her mind, body, and soul required him now and she felt defenseless. The word defenseless was not in her vocabulary.
Her experience in the temple earlier today gave a flash of insight that although lasted mere seconds in real-time it lasted minutes in her mind's vision or experience or whatever the hell it was. Perhaps she should acknowledge it as her epiphany, her clarity.
Mulder sat down next to her handing her a bottle ending her reminiscence. They sat next to each other, so close she could smell the fragrance of him. They spoke of their last 48 hours each had started with such convictions only to be left with newly revealed notions. Each of them individually, and silently let go of the angst brought by their short separation. She was exhausted but, having him so close, within arm's reach was painful on so many levels. She turned her head almost resting it on his shoulder.
"What if there was only one choice," she said, "and all the other ones were wrong, and there were signs along the way to pay attention to." her voice barely audible.
"Well, all the choices would then lead to this very moment, one wrong turn and we wouldn't be sitting here together and that says a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot, something we probably shouldn't be getting into at this late hour." He looked over at her. She had fallen into a slumber, something she was able to do just about anywhere when she was tired. His inner insomniac was jealous. So desperately did he want to finish that conversation, he wanted to hear her speak about destiny, free will, or just coincidences, the latter of which he certainly did not believe.
He looked at her. The sight of her always caused him to catch his breath. Her red hair, blue eyes, fair skin the smattering of the freckles that ran over her nose and across her cheeks. Her facial structure was perfect. He wanted to trace the lines with his fingers but, waking her was not an option. This woman, his partner, the one person whom he come to trust implicitly was a gift. He wanted their relationship to be so much more, he knew he had fallen in love with her so long ago but, did she feel the same. She was his perfect opposite, his missing, interlocking piece that every human searches for. He just had to wait for her to walk through his office door. He smiled thinking if they only knew how their lives would never be the same from that moment.
He longed to tell her how much he loved her, but what would the price of that confession be, he couldn't bring himself to really think about the consequence. More than once he had allowed himself to believe she felt the same way, her small gestures, touches, gazes that he had seen more than once only to have her quickly look away.
He reached for the blanket on the back of the couch to cover her. He chastised himself for not having a softer blanket. She deserved a soft blanket to sleep under he thought. A part of him chuckled thinking a sleeping bag would be great right about now. He drew the blanket over her small frame and up under her chin. She stirred. He sat there, still, frozen, not wanting to wake her.
"Mulder,…I need to…" her voice trailing off.
"Shhhh, Scully get some sleep." He whispered to her.
He knew better of it but, he couldn't deny himself a small pleasure. He stood up and bent over, gently kissed her forehead, tucking a slender strand of her red hair behind her ear. Seconds passed before he realized he was "gazing" at her, again. He didn't want to wake her fearing she'd put on her shoes and leave.
He gingerly walked across the floor disappearing into his bedroom. He rarely slept in his bed. He was a consummate insomniac lying awake for hours almost every single night of his life chasing away the demons since Samantha's abduction. Tonight, he had a different reason to lie awake, the beautiful redhead on his couch mere feet away, the woman who asked him to father a child with her. She was the strongest, smartest, most trusting, loyal, devoted, beautiful woman he had ever known. How much longer would he pine, imagine, desire, feel her in his dreams before this relationship would reach a breaking point. The point where he would just break and spill his guts to her knowing the damage it could cause.
He stepped into the hot shower washing away the last two days of travel. The hot water relaxing his muscles, allowing his mind to wander. Choices, what if there was only right choice? Scully admitted she once though about spending the rest of her life with the man in the hospital. Hadn't he once had that same thought about Diana. Choices, do we make all of them or are some made for us and we merely follow a pre-ordained path? He caught himself, it was late, too late to dwell on these questions without Scully being there.
"What I would have missed, how would I have dealt with my partner if choices had been different." He said mumbling to himself as he reached for the towel. A noise beyond the bathroom door made him catch his thoughts. He opened the door and saw her silhouette, her shadow sitting on the far side of his bed, the bed he often thought of as theirs...well maybe someday.
The light from the moon cast a faint, red hue from her hair in the darkness. He drew in his breath. He really did gaze at her. How had he not known that. He was surprised to see her sitting there in the dark. It wasn't the first time she had been in his bedroom or even in his bed. The kiss they shared on the eve of the new Millennium had led to their relationship becoming a friends-with-benefits on Sundays or the occasional Friday night after a hellish case. He shook his head. He wanted so much more with her. She must feel the same way he thought, women don't just ask you to father a child with them.
"I didn't mean to wake you, I just needed to wash off the travel and the tired."
"Mulder, we need to talk. I need to finish our conversation from the couch."
"This can't wait until the morning?" "I'll make you breakfast, or we can go out a grab a bite, I know you are exhausted."
"I need to do this now." She recently learned to take opportunities when presented.
She knew she was making a choice, a choice that would say a lot, affect them both, their relationship had shifted but, she needed to confess her feelings for him so she could move on no matter the outcome. If he did not reciprocate, she would be devastated, her heart ripped out, no breath would escape her lungs but, she needed to make her choice clear. The power he had over her, to crush her soul was so profound it was petrifying.
"Okay," he said slipping on his boxers.
He sat on the bed. His heart was beating out of his chest. Surely, she must be able to see my angst and apprehension he thought. What if she told him she couldn't handle the direction their relationship was taking. Was there someone else, was she unsure if she wanted to continue with the X-Files. Shit, he was finding it hard to breathe, his head was spinning, and audio-exclusion was setting in.
"I am here Scully, listening to every word."
"Mulder," she breathed.
Lifting her head and locking eyes with his she appeared small and defeated. He thought he had never seen her eyes so blue or were they bruised. She looked exhausted yet so beautiful.
"I am going to try to get this out so please don't interrupt me, even if I stumble. My deepest, private emotions are about to be laid out and I need you to just listen. I can't believe it's been seven years we've known each other. I accepted the assignment to work with you, chose it, if you will. I never expected my world to open the way it did with your help, your passion, and your pursuit of the truth. I don't know when it happened, I don't know if it was a single moment, or a series of moments, an event or a series of events but, I… I…"
He reached for her hand interlocking his fingers in hers hoping she wouldn't pull away, she didn't.
"We make choice every day in our lives, many we don't even think about we just make them out of some sort of prior knowledge or redundancy. We grow, we make decisions some with thought of security and some with thought of daring. My decisions about medical school, the FBI, past relationships, all of them felt right. I have asked myself so many times did they feel right because you were waiting for me or because it was the path I supposed to follow like some yellow brick road. Today I realized the answers to those questions don't really matter. What does matter is time. We all think we have enough of it but, the reality is we never know how much time we have. So, I am just going to make this decision based on daring and the desire to end this ache." She closed her eyes, swallowed hard, squeezed his hand, relaxed, let out a deep breath then spoke again.
"I am in love with you, I have been for so long. I know the words alone no matter how I say them do not tell you the depth of my feelings. I have never in my life experienced such a deep, profound, intense, maddening, love for anyone. Sometimes when I look at you I can't breathe. Any separation from you causes such pain and longing I can't describe it. The thought of my life without you brings me to my knees, weak with need for you. Just thinking about it causes tears and heaviness in my chest. It defies explanation. It, I…I am not sure what to expect from this, maybe nothing but, I cannot go on living in such denial. I have revealed my very essence to you. I sit here vulnerable, exposed, emotionally spent, spiritually bare, and yet somehow freed."
She broke her gaze and turned her eyes to look out the window into the moonlight. Tears streamed from her eyes spilling over leaving streaks as they rolled down her cheeks which she thought for sure were on fire. She now felt consumed by the darkness and the silence surrounding her. It was true silence is deafening.
He sat there, frozen, listening to her words over and over but he couldn't remember them all. Once he realized what she was saying his mind went numb. Did she just confess her feelings to him or was it a dream somewhere in his insomniac haze. It was so unlike the Scully he knew and loved. He tightened his grip on her fingers.
"Dana, only in my dreams and solitary thoughts have I ever heard those words spoken to me by you. I have loved you for so long. I cannot express the words you deserve to hear. I want to say so much to you, tell you where you fit in my life but, I know you do not just fit into my life, you fit around my life. My life exists within yours. If I lost you, I would lose myself, my being, my purpose. In my quest for the truth, I found you, I found my perfect opposite, my other half that makes me whole. The one person in five billion who completes me." Tears welling in his own eyes he quickly blinked them away.
He stood up, walked to her, and knelt beside her. Touchstone. 1 in 5 billion. Constant. No matter what term he conjured up it wasn't enough to sum-up what she meant to him. He placed his hand on her cheek, still wet with tears. She looked down at him and managed to smile. Her smile, the smile that lit up his world, the smile that made his knees weak, the smile that overwhelmed him, the smile he lived to see was all he needed to feel loved by her.
"I have said this before but, I'll say over and over until you believe me, I love you, Scully, I am in love with you. I need you in my life. I want to give you everything. I want to make your dreams come true, I want to give you the life you deserve and desire."
He looked at her, he was in deep now, no going back, words once spoken into the universe can't be recalled. He didn't want to go back, going back meant angst, pain, pent up desire, and of course no progress whatever that would be.
The bedroom became quiet allowing a sort of silent oath to occur between them. He turned his face up to hers. Locking his lips with hers, feeling the heat between the two of them. It seemed all the emotions of their seven years exploded in a kiss that sent them both into a hungry, frantic, impatient, need to devour each other state of being. Their lips and tongues danced as if a feast of desire and consecration was about to be served. Breathless and weak she broke the connection.
He looked at her.
"Scully, are you okay, did I…" she held her fingers to his lips. Scully stood up pulling off her shirt.
"I'll be right back."
She grabbed the oversized pajama top lying on the chair next to the bed. As she turned to go to the bathroom, he gently tugged the pajama top out of her hand.
"I doubt you'll be needing this when you get return."
She hurried to the shower. She suddenly felt alive and awake.
The shower was hot, almost too hot. Her skin turning red from it but, she needed this, just a few minutes to gather her thoughts. She crossed the line or rather kicked sand on it. The FBI could sue her for all she cared. Agents getting romantically involved was frowned upon but the heart loves who it loves and she could no longer hold her feelings for him in check. This man who had been there as a devoted partner, a care giver, a best friend, a confidant, trusted, loyal, and someone who had traveled to one of the coldest places on earth to save her from…her thoughts scattered. She couldn't go there she just remembers her words to him after they returned. She took his hand, stared him in the eyes…now she whispered to herself "if I quit now they win." Repeating the words, she spoke to him then. He was now…well she thought what is he, her lover, such a trivial term for what she felt. Her feelings for him went through her being to her very soul, her bones, her spirit. She turned off the water, grabbed a towel and stepped out.
She entered his bedroom. He was sitting up reading the sports page. He had his glasses on. Putting the paper down he watched her walk to him. She stood next to him letting the towel drop to the floor. She sat on the bed next to him, she took his glasses off and laid them on the table. She kissed him deeply, taking the feel of their softness into her mouth. She needed to possess him, not dominate, but possess and she needed him to possess her. They kissed in what she would describe as passionate and borderline rough but, she imagined this so many times. She returned her passion for him just as greedily. She stretched herself down the length of him. She felt every inch of him with her legs, his strong abs, narrow hips, and his erection and his muscular legs.
"Mulder, are you ok?" she asked forcing herself to push out some intelligible words. She needed to hear him.
"I love you Dana, let me know what you want. I need to be everything to you right now."
"You have been everything to me for years."
What would she have missed…indeed! All of this, and this was just the beginning. The times they had shared a bed, times prior was just sex with a trusted friend. Neither was ready to expose their true feelings and private emotions but, tonight was the first time they let go of the fight to control the fire that had been lit between them seven years ago. What started as embers of the FBI's "agenda" had grown into a raging wildfire and the winds were now howling.
The shadows from the moon entering the bedroom stole what little light was coming into the room. Their shadows stole the rest of it. Mulder couldn't help himself anymore. He ran his hands over ever inch of her body as if to memorize it. He lingered in places that drew great protests which quickly turned into breathless requests for more.
Kissing her softly behind her ear just under her earlobe, he held her cheek exposing the soft flesh to his lips. Sounds of pleasure escaped her throat, muffled and deep. She exposed herself to him running her fingers over his chest touching and teasing his nipples causing him to drop his head to her chest panting.
She grabbed his hands and intertwined their fingers. She kissed him deeply, sucking in his lower lip teasing it with her teeth. She rolled him over with her hands holding his up near the top of his head she continued kissing him. He liked her taking control over him.
"Take me, I'm waiting" he said.
She let go of his hands and slid down his stomach. They both felt her wet arousal. She kissed his chest, taking in their heady scent. She placed his erection between her breasts and ran her tongue over the tip of it.
"Oh my God Scully, you are making things happen way too quickly." Perhaps thinking of a near naked Skinner would help. No, that wouldn't do he would have to be completely naked with extra back hair, well that might work. "Skinner, Sasquatch, Skinner,….." he mumbled incoherently.
Scully took him fully into her mouth, running her tongue up and down the full length of his shaft. He had a difficultly controlling himself. He lifted her head. Hairy, naked Skinner had left the room.
"Not yet." He said kissing her while stroking her wet clitoris and the folds surrounding it with his fingers. Wanting to feel more her he placed two of his fingers inside of her. Her breath caught in her throat the only sound escaping her was some guttural grunt she barely recognized as coming from her. He sat up not removing his fingers from her. He could now lick her nipples and the light coating of sweat gathered between her breasts.
"Mulder, I need us to be one right now, no more waiting, no more wanting. I need us to be one."
He removed his fingers, and she straddled him. Being filled with him in this way they became one, completely, finally, fully. They kissed passionately, tirelessly, deeply. The rhythm they shared started slowly, with such desire, a yearning they had suppressed for years simmering just beneath the surface. He grabbed her hips with his hands, feeling her move on him. She arched her back and ran her nailed down his chest. In one deft move she was under him, he began thrusting his hips as she ground into him. She arched her back feeling the proximity of their orgasm. Raking her nails over his back, feeling him on her, over her, he felt exactly as she imagined. Amid the shadows and the moonlight, they became one, tumbling, rolling, writhing, sweating, breathlessly collapsing into the bed and each other. It seemed a long time before either of them said anything.
"Dana, I want to know you, all of you. I want to know every crease, every fold, every inch, every freckle, everything about you. I hope you give that to me. I don't care if it takes me the rest of my life."
Mulder's voice sounded like silk. Her head on his chest she smiled as she caressed his stomach, and knew the choices they made several minutes ago had changed both of their lives. All things had changed, their lives, their work, their futures.
"I am right here, and this is where I belong. I've known that for a long time. My place is with you wherever that may be." Scully looked up at him and kissed his neck.
"What I would have missed." He wondered to himself. He sent a silent thank you to Carol.
He held her while she slept, looking at her, again wondering what he ever did to deserve this beautiful, sexy, strong, devoted woman. As the moonlight faded to dawn, he finally feel asleep. When they awoke neither could remember a time they had slept so well.