Opening Skit

(As I lay down on the floor in a depressed stupor, Lyra comes up to me)

Lyra: Hey, WildCard, it's mid-February. You plan on getting up to start another Lent Marathon?

Me: That depends. Is the world a better place yet?

Lyra: Uhhhhh….

(Cut to random shots of news articles pertaining to everything that has happened between the last Lent Marathon and this one; The war between Ukraine and Russia, shootings such as the ones that went on in Buffalo, New York and Uvalde, Texas, the recent train derailment in Ohio, Covid-19 still not going anywhere anytime soon, The spy balloon controversy, and Elon Musk taking over Twitter)

Lyra: Not especially.

Me: Are things going to get any better?

Lyra: Uhhhhh….

(Cut to an article about the 'doomsday clock,' and all the predictions Baba Vanga made about the year including, but not limited too, a solar storm, a nation doing a bioweapons test, Earth changing its orbit, an accident at a nuclear plant, and humans being made in laboratories…(Note: yes, I'm serious, Baba Vanga actually predicted these))

Lyra: You know what, let's just not think about it.

Me: I miss the 2010's, Lyra.

Lyra: Me too.

Prologue

Well, now that that depressing opening is over, let's talk about more boss battles for 7+ weeks!

2021 I talked about first bosses, 2022 I talked about penultimate bosses, so naturally you'd expect final bosses to be next, right? Yeah…no. Sorry to disappoint, but I'm actually going to hold off on doing a final boss lent marathon for a while. Not sure when I'll get around to it, but I do have plans to make one one day.

So instead, let's talk about every boss that comes in between the first and penultimate ones. You know, the second, third, fourth, fifth, whatever number boss. But for the sake of convenience, let's just call these 50 incoming baddies, the 'Normal Bosses'

They may not leave a good first impression like the first bosses, build up the coming climax like the penultimate boss, or provide good closure like the final boss, but I feel that normal bosses do a great job in breaking up the monotony of going from Point A to B on your quest. Some of them do prove to be damn good roadblocks. And some of them are even as good, if not better, than the first, penultimate, or final boss.

And that's what this year's Lent Marathon is all about, shining some light on the little guys, The unsung villains that are usually swept under the rug like bread crumbs after Thanksgiving dinner.

Usual rules apply: I have to have faced the boss once, and a limit of three bosses per franchise.

But enough talk, bring me the first challenger!

Day 50: The Great Mighty Poo

(Note: This segment might be Rated M given what we're dealing with here)

Alright, so what boss are we talking about first?

(Insert the moment from The Great Mighty Poo's opening cutscene where he rises up with a piece of scared sweet corn in his hands, before putting it in his mouth to act as one of his teeth)

Oh, sweet mother of mayhem, this is going to be a loooooooong marathon.

Out of all the bosses in Conker's Bad Fur Day, The Great Mighty Poo is the one that everyone remembers the most, one of the reasons being that this guys is probably the most 'out there' boss design wise, and we're talking about a game whose bosses are already wacky, vulgar, and anywhere in between. I mean, this thing is a literal pile of shit…that sings opera!

Mr. Hankey got nothing on the big boss of Sloprano, let me tell you what. Just listen to the opening lyrics.

I am the Great Mighty Poo

And I'm going to throw my shit at you.

A huge supply of tish comes from my chocolate starfish

How about some scat you little twat!

And that brings me to reason #2 (pun entirely intended) on why this boss is amazing, the song that he sings. This song is regarded as one of the best songs in the game if only for how nonsensical and hilariously disgusting it is. There is literally a verse where The Great Mighty Poo sings about how he's going to take Conker's head and shove it up his butt.

GMP: Now I'm really getting rather mad. You're like a niggly, tiggly, shitty little tag nut! When I've knocked you out with all my bab, I'm going to take your head and ram it up my butt!

Conker: Your butt?

GMP: My butt!

Conker: Your butt?!

GMP: That's right, my butt!

Conker: Augh!

GMP: My butt!

Conker: AUGH!

GMP: MY BUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTT!

In most other forms of comedy, making a poop joke is about as basic as it gets, and it's a surefire way to get the audience to leave you flat, but leave it Conker's Bad Fur Day to not only take a poop joke and make it work, but also go the whole nine yards with it by making a level and boss fight around the stuff.

And thirdly, the fight itself.

The Great Mighty Poo will do exactly what he said he would, and throw his shit at you, and you need to dodge the shitballs, which by the way are pieces of himself, that he throws at you. Just keep running to avoid them, and you should be fine.

After a while, the Great Mighty Poo will sing some more, and you'll need to get to a 'Context Sensitive Pad,' to pull out a giant roll of toilet paper and throw it into the boss' mouth!

Yup, that's how you defeat him! Throw six wads of toilet paper into the Great Mighty Poo's enormous maw until he screams and breaks a glass window which was concealing a toilet handle, which you pull in order to flush him down a hole…and he dies giving the Wicked Witch of the West's final lines from The Wizard of Oz!

GMP: Ah! You cursed squirrel, look what you've done! I'm flushing! I'm flushing! Oh what a world, what a world! Who'd have thought a good little squirrel like you could destroy my beautiful clagginess! Ah! I'm going! Oh! Aah! NO! AAAAAAHHHHHH!

Conker: Heh! Now that's what I call a bowel movement!

I don't know what else needs to be said in order for me to justify putting this fight in my Top 50 favorite bosses. It's funny, it's disgusting, it's raunchy, it's batshit insane, and it embodies everything I love about Conker's Bad Fur Day.

Me: Well, that's the first boss of this marathon over and done with. Any questions?

Lyra: Uh, yeah, just double checking, you said you were doing this marathon for Lent, one of the most holy times of year.

Me: That's correct.

Lyra: Do you even care that you literally started this marathon with a literal shitshow for a boss?

Me: Not really.

Lyra: You do realize you're probably not getting into heaven now when you die, right?

(Beat)

Me: Didn't really think I was going there to begin with.

Lyra: You monster.

Me: Thank you!