Let's see if I can pull this off over the next couple of days... 4 chapters in 4 days... a trip down memory lane to celebrate the 200th episode of PD with our star-crossed lovers.

It was hard to decide who was more nervous, Kim or Mack. Although to be fair, Kim was nervous and Mack was nervously excited. She was going on her first school camp. They'd had a couple of overnight sleep-outs at the school in preparation, one in which Adam went with her and one on her own and now it was three nights and she was looking forward to it…. Or she was right up until it was time to leave.

"Have you got everything?" Kim checked her bag for the tenth time as they got out of the car at the school. "Maybe we should check the list."

Even Makayla rolled her eyes this time. Adam had already told her that they had checked the list, "three times this morning." And it was too late now anyway.

"I'll be fine Mom. Don't worry." Makayla assured her.

"I know you will, I'm just going to miss you." She pulled her in for a tight hug. "Have fun Princess."

"I will."

She got a hug off Adam next. "Look after Mom, I think she's gonna cry."

"I promise to make her smile."

They both stood on the pavement and watched until the bus pulled away. Makayla was already chatting away to her friend before it turned the corner and slipped out of their sight. Kim felt Adam's hand on her back, rubbing it gently. "She's gonna love it."

"I know." She sighed like her whole world had just departed for a year-long round the world trip, not a 3 night school camp. "It's just hard, is all."

Adam rocked his head to the side and laughed. "Yeah, yeah it is. This is good for her though right?"

"Yeah."

At least they had work to keep them occupied and before they even got back to Adam's car their phones were pinging with a crime scene alert. "I'm gonna cook you a dinner to make you smile." Adam turned the key in the ignition and pulled out into traffic while Kim found the directions.

"Pfft." Kim snorted. "Burnt dry chicken and mushy vegetables will not make me smile."

"One time, it was one time." Adam argued. It wasn't like she was a MasterChef either. It was a massive adjustment for them, not eating out or ordering in most nights. It was surprisingly hard to come up with new meal ideas that they could all eat and deliver at least six nights a week. They did have take-out night every Friday.

"It was last night and it wasn't good."

When Kevin started to suggest that they all go out for dinner since they were kid free Adam shot him down with a look across the bullpen and later told him in the car when they were heading out that he'd planned to cook Kim dinner at home.

"Really?" He sounded surprised and arched one eyebrow in his direction. He couldn't get a handle on what precisely was going on with them yet, they were close without a doubt, and the living together seemed to be working but the exact definition of their relationship was unknown. No matter how many times he asked. "And?"

"Just thought it would be nice. We don't get much a of chance to sit down and enjoy dinner just to two of us and you know talk."

"I'm down for that, you might need a mediator?"

"Kev, Bro, you never shut up. We'll be good man."

"What's the plan?"

Adam shook his head. "Need to know basis and you don't need to know." He'd known from the moment the idea popped into his head what he was going to do and had done a click and collect order at their local supermarket. He wished he had a little more time to arrange things but dinner was about all he could realistically pull off in the limited time he had. He just needed this case to be wrapped up quickly.

"Something smells good." Kim slipped out of her coat as she came through the back door. She had gone to the gym on the way home which worked out well for Adam as it gave him a chance to start on dinner.

"Of course it does." He put the lid back on the pot and dropped the spoon onto small plate beside the stove. "Why don't you have a shower? It's about half hour away. Now scoot." He pointed to the door. He still had the salad to prepare, which amounted to opening a bag of salad leaves and throwing it in a bowl along with some tomatoes and cucumber.

He watched her leave, appreciating the view. He was never not impressed and in awe and he felt his heart skip a beat. It was the first time they had been in the house alone all night and all he wanted was to relax, enjoy her company and talk. About what, he had no idea but they always found something to talk about.

Adam was surprised when she came back with a long form fitting but casual dress on. Generally they spent most of their time in casual clothes, sweat pants, jeans and comfy tops. He was in jeans and a button down shirt but with bare feet. He drove Kim insane with his ability to wear nothing on his feet no matter the weather outside. She had chosen the dress to match Adam's effort and it was nice to put on something a little more special.

While she'd been gone he set the table, lit a candle and opened a bottle of wine. "Shall I pour?" Kim reached for the wine. "What's on the menu?"

"Guess?" He placed a bowl of salad on the table and grabbed the bread from the oven.

"Fettuccine Alfredo?"

"Bingo." He bought over the pot and Kim handed him her plate to serve followed by his. "Remember that night?"

"How could I forget?" She had spent a good hour trying to decide what to wear, doing her hair and make-up only to have the whole night shot to bits when she arrived, ready for a romantic dinner to find Al and his strange new daughter had already invaded Adam's place. "Al didn't seem to mind though. He made himself at home."

"I don't know if he was clueless or just didn't care, I suspect the latter." Adam chuckled.

"Did you add extra cream?" Kim took her first mouthful as Adam winked at her. It was divine. "So good Adam. This has always been your thing. I was so looking forward to it."

"I wonder whatever happened to Michelle? She kinda just blew in, blew up Al's life and blew out." It had been a very weird period and he didn't often think about it, although he thought about Al a lot. He'd been such a source of strength and frustration for him but he wouldn't be the cop he was, or the man he was without his influence.

"I mean that was odd wasn't it?"

"Yeah. Al was such a strange cat at times, I mean he loved Meredith and Lexi so much, he lived in the garage for Christ's sake for years but he had that undercover thing, obviously when he was much younger that blew up his whole life." Adam took a mouthful of wine and sat back a little. "Just so you know, I'd live in the garage for you and Mack."

"We considering you don't actually have a garage here that's gonna be a tough ask."

"Just saying." He shrugged and started to eat again without really looking at Kim. "I spoke to Meredith a few months ago." The guilt he felt at the time, while it had lessened it's tight grip was still part of him. "She's doing good, she's happy, seeing a guy who is not a cop. I really liked Meredith. She had guts."

"I'm glad. I remember her at the funeral, she blamed us, or at least Voight for what happened to Al."

"Yeah." Adam exhaled. "He was just trying to be loyal, he took that seriously and always told me that if loyalty isn't on your list then what are you even doing in this job. He trusted Voight with his life, and it cost him. You know, he didn't even need to get involved. Erin moved the body, Al helped her because she needed to help the man that saved her, outta loyalty. It's such a double edged sword. Being Loyal can mean being untrue to yourself."

"How do you decide?"

"I honestly don't know but I do know that you can't be loyal to everyone."

"Then who?"

"Yourself, and the people you love beyond all reason." Adam answered simply. "You know, Al was so friggin' hard on me about you and Wendy. That I needed to focus on my job as a cop not chase tail. He called you tail once, I nearly punched him. He had such out-dated views on love and relationships, despite him loving Meredith and Lexi like he did. I didn't get that."

"He called me a badge bunny."

"What? When?"

"When I first came up to Intelligence, you'd scuttled away like a scared little cat." It wasn't the first time Kim had teased him about that and he freely admitted that he ran away. He wasn't ashamed of it, it helped him grow up a little. "He didn't think I was serious about my career. It hurt, I'm not gonna lie."

"Well, perhaps he thought there was no other explanation for your dumpster diving." Adam smirked. "I mean you did go from Dom Perignon to Passion Pop."

"Yeah, yeah." Kim droned. They'd been over this a hundred times. She was pretty clear on his feelings about that whole disaster. "I was going to prove him wrong though."

"And boy did you. He'd be proud of you."

"I think he'd be proud of us. A little confused about this whole thing.." she waved her arm meaning the whole living arrangement, co-parenting thing "… but maybe, out of everyone, Al would get it the most. As you said, he never left the garage because of Meredith and Lexi."

"Man, losing Lexi killed him. Not literally but…" Adam cocked his head to one side. "… you know what I mean." Suddenly he put his fork down and looked down at his hand which was shaking a little. "I miss him, I feel some guilt, ya know."

"No, I don't."

He inhaled sharply. "Kate got a DUI and I tried to make it go away. Woods found out and put the screws into me to dig up dirt on Voight. I freaked out, like it was Kate and Sammy, but it was also Voight and I thought I could sort it out myself. Al found out, then Voight and I thought I was screwed. I'd let them down and then Woods turned his sights on Al and what happened happened and I don't know if he ever forgave me, but I certainly didn't forgive myself." Adam didn't even look at Kim when he spoke, he didn't want to see disappointment in her eyes. "I think that's why I kinda tortured myself, doing stuff to try and make me feel worse than I already did. I thought I deserved it."

"Adam." Kim reached across the table and grabbed his hand.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"You were seeing someone else. I never felt like I could, you'd made it clear when you broke my heart that my problems weren't your concern anymore. I didn't think you'd care."

"I'm sorry I made you feel like that. It was never…. "she drifted off, thinking about that time and how awkward things were and how damaged she felt. It was hard to think that he was just as damaged. "… intentional. I would've liked to have helped."

"I didn't need your help." He snapped and then apologised and his tone instantly softened as the sadness crept in. "I was ashamed and didn't think I deserved anyone's help. I wanted to fix it myself and I don't know if I did. I think Al died being disappointed in me."

"Look at me?" She demanded quietly.

Slowly he lifted his head and saw the tears in Kim's eyes. "He thought you hung the moon, you were like a son to him. It was probably one of the reasons that he kinda hated me, or I got the vibe that he did, because I hurt you. We all do things we regret or are not proud of, you learn from it and I know you would've learned a lot. Al was so proud of you Adam and he would be even more so now seeing what you've become and how you are with Makayla. He loved you. I would've loved to see him with Mack too, both of you."

Adam rubbed his thumb over her knuckles softly and they just stayed in the moment for a while he tried to push away the guilt he still felt and would always feel about how it all ended. Rationally he knew it wasn't his fault in the end, Al had did what he did but he'd always have this nagging doubt that if he'd done what Woods wanted things would've been different but had to come to terms with never knowing. "He was old school cop, probably… no not probably, he was a misogynistic ass, stuck in his ways but he loved endlessly and passionately and defended those he loved until the bitter end. Maybe we just need to take the good bits from everyone and build a better version." He laughed. "Even my Dad."

"I think all the bits you've taken have come together pretty well."

"Thank you Mama Bear."

Kim topped up their wine glasses as Adam pushed his plate to the side. "Do you think she misses us?"

"No." And he laughed at her sad face. "I hope not, I hope she's having such a good time that she's not even thinking about us."

Kim squeezed too fingers together. "Maybe just a little bit."

Adam reached over and grabbed her hand. "I'd miss you if you weren't here." He winked. "How about you pick a movie to watch while I clean away the dishes?" He dropped her hand and jumped up from the table and started clearing the dishes. "You can even pick something soppy and I won't complain… much."

Kim stayed and helped him though. Usually this time of night, if they were both home was one person cleaning up after dinner and the other wrangling Mack into bed and trying to get out without 40 books. It was nice to hang out, there was something sexy about it. Bare foot, Kim having kicked off her slides and do dishes together, leaning into each other, touching hands, laughing and not caring about anything but being here right now.

Adam lasted about fifteen minutes into the movie before he fell asleep on the couch with Kim curled into his side with her head tucked into his shoulder and when she started to feel herself nodding off she turned off the TV and woke Adam. "Hey, I was enjoying the cuddle but need to go to bed. You wanna come and cuddle me in bed?" she offered sweetly.