Fandom: Victorious
Title: Point of View
Chapter Two: The Panther
Point of View: Cat Valentine
"Damn, who knew you needed reservations even for a pub on Christmas Eve?" Daniel laughs. "In Ireland, they just cram you in."
"Well, we ain't in Ireland now, love. Over here, everyone knows you need reservations to go anywhere in Lose Angeles even when it's not a holiday." Rae laughs, slapping his back as we walk into our second choice, Verona Natalia. "Good thing you know someone who knows the owner of one of the most exclusive restaurants here in LA, isn't it?"
"Mom!" Rae opens her arms, calling out to the elegant woman who comes gliding across the hardwood floors of the fine dining restaurant. She's beautiful with pearly white teeth and ivy hair twisted into a French bun like a silk wrap; her 5'11 frame glides across the floor effortlessly in her ten-inch Gucci pumps. She flaunts influence and money, flashing us a smile. We flash smiles back. Manner's darling, charm them even when you can see the scales. It's what my mom always says. "Excuse me, Grazie?" One of the servers taps her on the shoulder. "Yes, Garcia, be a gentleman and make sure my daughter and her family get any table they want tonight. It is my daughter's-soon-to-be-sister-in law birthday and this young Bella as well." She touches Jade's face. I see her flinch, but she controls her reaction from becoming too visible.
"Chow, my love. I must attend to the masses." blowing air kisses, she vanishes into the thick crowd of the dining room. "Thank you for making the call, Rae. I know things are strained with your mom." "We're not strained. That would apply; there was a string attaching us, which was shredding. My mom and I will never see eye-to-eye about my career choices. Our string was shredded long ago. She is only doing this because it's for your family. The Valentines are affluent members of society. One word from Cat to your parents about how my mom saved her Birthday could go a long way for business if your parents mention it to the right people. She's keeping me at arm's length now because we are engaged."
"My mom has everything she wants but still wants more. Money, power, fame, success, prestigious. She jets to Milan, France, London, and Rio De Janeiro, Spain; she spends a million dollars without batting an eyelash at the drop of a hat. That's her dream life, one she made possible by building it from the ground up without a man to help her. It's a rich girl's life. One, she excepted me to take over when I was old enough. Her only daughter. Except I switched gears and went after my passion. I've never been forgiven. I should have washed my hands with her if only it were so easy to let go of the one person who has always been holding your hand and heart captive."
"How many tables, sir?" Garcia addresses Daniel, who looks toward me. I motion with my head to give Jade and myself privacy. "Two, please. One for my fiancee and I and one for my sister and her friend." "Excellent, sir. Please follow me, sir and ladies. Marcus will show you to a table."
Taking Jade's hand into mine, I sigh, feeling how warm her palm is against my cold one. "It's so beautiful in here, Cat. I'm sorry it comes at a price for Rae." "Yeah. Everything seems to have a price in this world. Jade."
The lavish decorations are so subtle and well-executed that everything except my companion fades away, but I can sense their details from the low-strung lights across the wood beam ceilings. White linens across the tables, each adjourned with a single rose in a glass of water. Each table is far enough to allow staff to move. Still, the tables are small enough, 30 inches, so the diners can face each other comfortably yet far enough away that fingers and elbows touch only if intended. The table or booth should be something of an island; you can catch the whispered voices of other diners but no specific words. The lighting is designed to hit the center of the table, showcasing the food, and doesn't spray outward to the edge of the table and into customers' faces. A pop of a champagne bottle startles me, but I smile when I see the delight of the woman who is being poured the bubbly. She looks so in love with the man she is holding hands with. It gives me hope. She squeals and presses herself to him, laughing. His smile extends to his eyes as he wraps his arm across her shoulders. First date or tenth anniversary, there's no telling, but the way they glance at each other, there's no mistake about the tenderness of intimacy between two people who love and respect each other. I can see Jade catches the scene as well. She deserves to experience such passion.
I wonder if I ever will.
"Caviar and lobster." a waiter brings food to the table we pass. The delicious scent makes my mouth water and my stomach turn, reminding me I haven't eaten all day. As we pass one table in a corner, I hear a part of the conversation between the two women seated there. "I like a place where you can get into a conversation; you want to spend time together and get away from everything. You want a corner booth, not the middle of the room."
"Agreed, you want to feel like you are the song. Not a part of it. Like the evening is yours and yours alone. Just for those you chose to share it with and no one else. I like being able to touch arms when we're out."
"May we get an outside table, sir?" "Si, Bella. Right this way, please." Pressing my body closer to Jade, I whisper into her ear. "Is outside alright with you? It seems stuffy in here." "Yes, it's a perfect night weather-wise, Cat. Sounds refreshing."
The view of the balcony leaves me breathless. The restaurant is one of the best in the downtown Los Angeles Arts District. The town below twinkles like a million fireflies at night, thanks to the dining room's massive windows and high balcony. This city has no shortage of jaw-dropping panoramas; whether it's rolling hills, cliffs with the ocean below, palm tree boulevards, or the twinkling lights of DTLA, I fall more and more in love with my hometown every day. Tonight it seems magical. The way the sunset light shimmers on the buildings downtown is just like magic. The back lot of Universal Studios Hollywood with sets of whatever movies are being filmed, plus the permanent ones like the Jaws lake, Psycho house, and the whole Valley and lights are in front of you. Immense and beautiful remnants of our childhood spent on those lots flow through my memory as we are led to our table in the back corner.
The scent of floral drifts to my senses along with that lobster I saw a few seconds ago. A cool breeze hits my shoulders as I take off my hoodie, revealing a much more appropriate dress for this evening. Down below, I can see a pianist; his fingers glide gracefully over the ivy keys, his eyes closed as he's feeling the rhythm through his fingertips. No need to look at his sheet music. He knows the notes by heart. In the heart of the restaurant are three violists. Together their music creates a soothing atmosphere. Marcus pulls out our chairs. We nod our thanks as we take our seats.
"Cat. Thank You so much for taking me out tonight. I know my mood isn't radiating company. Wow, this is amazing. Too much I don't deserve it all."
"Nothing is too much for you. Jade. You are a diamond. You deserve to shine bright on your Birthday. Anyone who plays games with a girl's heart doesn't deserve to be indulged."
"Cat. It's so hard to forget this pain."
"Jade. You won't instantly forget the hurt, but you must start thinking like a dancer. I know we are actors, but we are classically trained in dance. Remember your ballet terms when you feel like the world is swallowing you up. Pain is an occupational hazard if it's not in your hands or muscles. It's in your heart. As dancers, we always say that if you can move through the pain, you've managed to beat it. The days you can't, when the pain wins, you wimp away with nothing, but Jade, you are never nothing, and you don't wimp out. So take one day at a time. One breath at a time, exhale...hold it..inhale and remember as you are doing this, you are breathing, it means you are living and fighting through this because you are a survivor."
"It's so fresh. Cat."
"It just happened, Jade. It's going to be raw for a while."
"The fact you are feeling this bad means you loved. When we love, we risk the pain. If you can endure the darkness of pain, you can only wait for the light to emerge as the stage curtain. Think of this as a dress rehearsal or an audition for the greatest role of your life."
"What's that, Cat?" she wipes her tears. "Survival Jade."
"So much clique tonight. You sound like a preacher."
"Sorry. Yeah, I have no clue what I am talking about, but I am trying, Jade. I have no real-life experience, Jade. So I am relying on scripts from my past roles and, being honest, Jade. I have zero clue what those two were even doing on her car, but I can tell it disgusted all of you and made you sick. So I know it's bad."
"They were having sex, Cat. I know you were never taught anything at home, and you're too shy to research anything. It's okay not to know every girl learns at her own pace. Sex is supposed to be sacred, though not always with its religious meaning, but as something worthy of special consideration. It's an act that is deeply meaningful. The most intimate act is because sexual pleasure and orgasm make us enormously vulnerable. A deep bonding, producing romantic love. That is why sex is called "making love ."By making love, a couple develops a monogamous bond, an alliance that helps them to stay united to confront life's vicissitudes and to care for their children."
"Therefore, sex should not be degraded by doing it outside a committed couple or for banal reasons. I know Beck and I aren't married, so we are sinners, but we were in a committed relationship, or at least I was. He's one of the few people outside your family who knows my deepest secret. My status. Remi doesn't even know. I thought Beck understood how careful I needed to be, how dangerous sex with someone you barely know can be if you aren't prepared."
"I want to learn these things, Jade. I'm scared. Who should I talk to without being judged? I've always heard romantic love arises not just from sex but from mutual understanding, loyalty, and commitment."
"Yeah, I suppose that's true." she sighs and takes a sip of her water which I never even saw the waiter pour. "sex can be anything between a banal act for pleasure or a spiritual quest for me. It was always special, though. I didn't sleep with Beck simply for lust; I slept with him because I trusted and loved him. I guess I'll have to stick to masturbation. It's a bond-less sexual act but will at least give me some pleasure." I can feel a warm flush rush to my cheeks, having no idea what she is talking about but still feeling too shy to ask.
"I'll teach you those terms at a more private time. Cat. I know you feel lost. I'm sorry, let's change the subject. Sometimes I don't need words. I need a hug from my best friend. You being here, being yourself, is more than enough. No preaching is needed. You make me smile, forget my pain, and laugh like no one else can make me laugh."
"I will always do anything for you, Jade." Getting up, I go over to her and embrace her tightly. She sinks into my arms like chains around my neck, her cheek pressed to my breasts. She whispered words that were simple but heartfelt. "Thank You for being you. Cat. Thank You for caring enough to chase me down tonight." I hold her tightly, touched by her sincerity. We are two separate entities that become one with the molding of our encircle. Jade clasps her fingers across my back. I imagine what Ms. Ryan would have done for Jade if she hadn't died when we were so young, how she would have comforted her little girl, now a young woman. She would do anything to make Jade's pain go away if hugs could heal. She would hold her forever, so I tried to channel Ms. Ryan tonight. I would have her so tight no pain would dare touch her.
"Ah-em." The waiter clears his throat, feeling the burn increase inside my body; I move aside, taking my seat; Jade's scent clings to my body now like a blanket of solace. Flattering the floral, woody aroma of Jasmine, ambergris, and cedar makes my heart happy. It's such a lovely scent I feel my eyes mist over. "Sorry we were having a moment, "Jade wipes her eyes, picking up her menu. Crap, I never even looked at it. A moment of panic seizes me, but she smiles. "We're ready to order." "I will take the Fett'una with the market fresh vegetables and a coke, please." "My friend will have the aglio e olio.
with grilled lemon garlic broccoli and water."
"Excellent choices, ladies."
"Thanks, Jade. Sorry, I panicked. How did you know what I liked?"
"You're my best friend, Cat. I know everything about you."
The waiter brings us a basket of freshly baked bread which smells divine. "I shouldn't eat any. I need to watch my figure. Ugh, it smells so damn good, though, Jade." "Have a slice. It's the holidays. It's what they are for indulging a little, and Cat, your figure is perfect." a sigh escapes my lips. If only Jade's words were valid and my body was as good as she thought it was. Her face flickers under the candlelight beautifully. I pull at the slightly uncomfortable velvet dress, which hugs my body in a way that makes me look curvier than I am. "I promise, Cat, tomorrow is a day in pajamas if you swallow the urge to tear this tight dress off. It's only for this night. You look gorgeous, by the way; I remember when we bought that dress." My gaze shifts to the velvety dress, an embroidered crepe couture dress
with rhinestone embroidery on the neck that stops a few inches past my waist, showcasing the length of my torso and legs. "I remember as well, Jade; your compliment made me buy this $5,000.00 piece." "Well, it was money well spent." "Thank You." She splits a slice of the rich garlic buttery bread in half. "I still say you don't need to watch your figure. However, I get it. We're both dancers. So let's cut half the calories and share the bread and dessert." "Sounds amazing, Jade. Thanks." Cutting the bread in half, she hands me my half and sighs as she sinks her teeth into a slice. As she munches carefully on her piece of garlic bread, pulling at the cheese with her teeth, I can't stop staring before she looks at me with a question in her eyes; I put my half of the bread in my mouth, the comfortable taste making me more at ease.
"Water?" I ask. "Sure, why not?" she says, her voice muffled by the bread in her mouth. I pour the water from the pitcher into her glass, trying not to splash some onto the tablecloth. After I fill my glass, I raise it, and she rattles it with mine. "Happy birthday." We both toast to each other. "Here's to another year around the sun."
"Let's hope this year brings us what our hearts desire." "Cat, as we celebrate our latest trip around the sun, I can't help but think of the light you shine on my life. Thank you for all you do. May this be your best Birthday yet?"
"Thank You, Jade. To you, my best friend, my sister, and soul mate, who gives her all every day: You inspire me to do my best and live life to the fullest. I'm eternally grateful for you and am so lucky to have you in my life. Oh, and to share a birthday with you. My birthday twin. Happy Birthday! I love you."
I barely notice when the food arrives until the unique aroma hits me. I can only focus on how beautiful Jade looks under the candlelight. She has a kind of understated beauty; perhaps it was because she was so disarmingly unaware of her prettiness. Her pallid skin is entirely flawless. She doesn't use face masks or expensive products; that isn't her m.o. She is all about simplicity. Her authentic nature makes her skin glow brilliantly, an inner beauty that lit her eyes and softened her features.
When she smiled and laughed, you couldn't help but smile along, too, even if it was just on the inside. To be in her company was to feel that you, too, were someone, that you had been warmed in summer rays regardless of the season. Being with Jade makes me think of those summer days when we would gather our friends, especially those old enough to drive, cough Trina and my brothers, and blast the music in their cars going to Venice Beach. We would always sit in the back and sing along to the songs. Heads bent together, belting out the words to our favorite ones like Avril Lavinge. "here's to never growing up!" We are growing up though here we are on a dinner date alone, even if it's not an actual date. Being with Jade is comfortable. A warmth I could never experience with strangers or even friends who didn't know the parts of my life I don't allow the cameras to see.
I can see diners still coming in and taking their seats; a few turn to stare at us, squinting. I know what they are thinking. Who are those two? I feel like I know them from somewhere. We could have graced any billboard or magazine cover, but if you take a closer look at us, you will see we are better than those two-dimensional photoshopped models. We are real teenagers growing and exploring. We are not perfect. I watch as Jade takes out her pill container. The plastic organizer holds all her pills for each day of the week. 500 mg of Aptivus, 100mg of Norvir, and 40 mg of Megestrol for appetite stimulation. Seeing her having to take medications every day shatters something inside of me. For a long while, I sit there, stirring my drink. The waitress came over and asked me if everything was alright. I bite my lip and nod, but I can't stop staring at Jade as she swallows her pills; she never notices me staring.
Betrayal changes a person. Somehow our imperfections make us perfect. There is a shyness to Jade, hesitation in her body, and movements and a softness in her voice. Some of it I know is from what she saw back at Beck's house. Her cream suit had a tailored look that was bold against her pale skin, but I could already see her in jeans and a t-shirt, feet up on the couch, and painting her nails. She was right there, only feet away, but in her understated glamour, she might as well be on the television or a girl in a pop video. At that moment, my eyes were down at the table. A sudden shyness came over me. Of course, a fan chooses that moment to come over. "Excuse me, um. I am so sorry to bother you." so why are you always the question I wish I could ask back?
As you can see, we are trying to have a nice quiet dinner. Why interrupt us? Why not stay at your table and eat your dinner with your family? I press my lips together and smile. "it's okay, honey. What is your question?"
"Um, it's not a question so much as I just wanted to say. I love your shows. I'm seventeen, and I grew up watching you both on your mom's reality show Beverly Hills Dynasty; I was so happy to see you both not give up on your dreams even after everything which has happened. Seeing you both grow as people and actresses, it's so inspiring. Seeing you both star on ActUp proves that no matter where you come from, you can achieve anything if you set your mind to something. So yeah, I just wanted to say Happy Birthday and maybe ask if I could have an autograph or a selfie?"
Fans like this make me swallow my unhappiness at being thrust into my mom's world without consent. It's annoying to have people following you with cameras flashing in your face when you're trying to take a driver's test, shop at a grocery store or cross a street with your friends on your way to school. People will always crave fame, a natural trait of humans. Most teenagers tell me they would trade me their life in a heartbeat. They have no idea how blessed they are to enjoy simple things like a dinner with friends in public without cameras flashing or people coming over and interrupting them. Every move has to be managed because of the paparazzi and fans. There's nothing elegant about being famous when you just witnessed your boyfriend cheating.
Fame means a lot of people can attach a name with a face and identify that name/face with some exceptional ability. When your name is attached to a reality show, one you never had a choice about being a part of, people assume you have no talent. It's taken Jade and me years to work harder than most of our peers to prove that we have natural talent. We grew up as the daughters of millionaires, so people mistake us for being spoiled and overindulged. We have so many peers who start rumors all because they are jealous. To hear someone who doesn't know us personally say that we are an inspiration reaches me on some level I can't speak of. I can feel moisture leap to my eyes. Jade follows me and takes the camera from the fan's hand, snapping a picture with her.
Taking the notepad from her, I scribble my name and a few words of appreciation.
We sit silently for a minute when she leaves, breathing a little heavier. Sometimes fame surprises us. We slowly pick up our forks, and only the sound of us eating our food fills the air for some time. "So, I'll be the first to break this awkward silence, Jade." "Please do; it's killing me a little." "So a couple is on a date at a fancy restaurant." "Sounds slightly familiar." We laugh a little. "the woman tells him to say something to get her heart racing."
"Oh, and what does he say? Wait, let me guess. Who are you?" a bark of laughter escapes my mouth. "Oh, thank God, I got a reaction out of you," she says, a light smile on her face. "No, but that was a good comeback, Jade." "Aw, thanks. I had that happen to me once, sadly." "Oh, God, I remember that, Jade. When the producers set you up with that boy from Burbank Middle School, what was his name, Kevin? No, Michael."
"Try, Kenny, and yes. The poor boy was so nervous he nearly peed himself. He kept looking for his mother. I tried everything to get him to relax and laugh, but he kept playing with the napkins and muttering who you are? Where's my mommy? Why am I here? Is this a joke?"
"Yeah, I felt bad. Did you know the producers told me later that the boy was a huge fan of yours and was bullied for liking the show? His classmates kept telling him a girl like Jade West would never notice a loser like him, so he thought when the date was set up that it was his classmates playing a trick on him, he thought you were an actor posing as Jade."
"No, I never knew that. Who told you that, Cat? It's sad."
"Katie, I believe."
"Strange wonder why they didn't tell me?"
"They wanted to get your reaction on camera, to create buzz and drama. It's sick. But it worked; you were so mad and disgusted by his reaction you gave them the footage they wanted, and social media blew up."
"Katie didn't tell me till months later, and I honestly didn't think it would matter at that point. Now I wonder what happened to him."
"Yeah, I hope he's okay. It couldn't have been easy for him to return to school after that aired. I wish I remembered his last name to look him up."
Jade's compassion is so sincere. It's one of the reasons I love spending time with her very few people get to see this side of her. "I can ask my mom this week if anyone could find out she can, Jade. So do you want to hear the rest of the story?" "Yes." "So the boy says to Tori. My treat. Ops, wait, I forgot my wallet."
"Wait, Tori, as in Tori Vega?"
"Yup, it just happened last night."
"Andre forgot his wallet?"
"Nope, Robbie, he took her out for a thank you because she helped him wash his memaw's feet."
"Ew, why?"
"I don't know 'cause he's strange." Jade coughs harshly, covering her mouth with her elbow. "Gross, so Tori had to pay?" "Nope. She didn't have her wallet either." Still coughing, Jade shakes her head, muttering. "So, how did they pay?"
"Ready for this?" "No, but tell me anyway."
"Take a drink of water first, so you don't choke." Jade stares at me, arching an eyebrow as she takes a sip of water. "they had to chop squid." Jade covers her mouth, laughing so hard her eyes wrinkle. "Oh, My god. No way! So, that's why the classroom stank like dead fish. Tori is going to be so mad. She will need a few drinks to live this one down."
"Oh, shit. I can't wait to rub this in her face." We laughed forever, nearly dying but not quite there. "So when they finally got all the squid chopped, Tori ran out, but Robbie decided he would jump over the countertop and smashes all the plates by accident. So Tori hauls ass out of the restaurant and leaves his sorry ass there." She hummed softly, a sparkle in her eyes. Trying not to burst out loud in the public restaurant, failing as she bubbles with the held-back joy, she slaps the table and doubles over with delight. Jade didn't respond but held her sides as though she had a stomachache. I studied her face. The subtle upward quirk of her mouth told me she was smothering a laugh.
"I didn't think she had the balls." "Honestly, me either." We both stifle ourselves with giggles—Jade's cell phone beeps. I see a twinge of fear cross her face as she picks it up, probably wondering if the story has broken across the internet about Beck. Sighing, she shakes her head as she reads the message. "What is it, Jade?" Swiftly she pushes the cell phone toward my hands. Picking it up, I squint to read the messages from an unknown sender.
I was right about Beck. You doubted me—big Mistake. I may be invisible to you. I exist, however. I know things. Big things. You've been lied to. Not only by Beck. By Everyone. It started from birth, Jade.
With your mom. She wasn't a saint. She was a sinner.
"What the hell do I make of this, Cat?" I bite my lower lip, shrugging, unsure how to answer. "When did these messages start?" "last week, after the golden globe nominations." "Have you told your team about them?" "No, I thought it was a classmate being stupid." "Now, not so much?" "No, who would know anything about my mom? Besides Remi, you are the only classmate outside our brothers who knew her, and you're the only ones who know my secret, which I carry in my blood."
"Well, obliviously, it's not me sending you the messages or the boys. Do you think it's Remi sending you the messages?"
"No, she's not that bold or smart."
"I'm scared, Jade; this person could be dangerous."
"I doubt it; it's probably some sick teenager with too much time on their hands. Sinjin! Who else knows how to hack cell phones and is obsessed with me? Sick little bastard, I'll kill him!"
"What if it isn't?"
"Well, we will cross that bridge when we get to it, Cat. Right now, let's put this in the past. Tonight we are here to celebrate your Birthday."
"Our birthday, but fine." Jade reaches inside her purse and pulls out a small but elegantly wrapped box with a card attached. "It's not much, Cat. My dad put me on a strict spending limit again, but it's brought with love. We're as different as night and day, Cat; people love you because of your vibrant, beautiful personality—a pure heart with a child-like innocence. People fear me for my darkness and sarcasm and mistake my conservative nature for a personality disorder. No one wants to be my friend because they are afraid to get to know me. You have never shied away from loving me. You look past my exterior and see my soul."
"It's easy, Jade. You are a prepossessing personality like a rose. They are a mesh of prickles and alluring beauty. Sometimes to see the full bloom of the rose, you have to withstand the prick of the throne. Once you get past the sting, you can bake in the sweetness of the fragrance."
Jade blushes deeply, which makes me happy knowing I was able to touch her makes me feel exhilaration deep within my soul, sending a pleasurable sensation throughout my entire body. With shaking fingers, I unwrap the ribbon on the box. I couldn't help but let out a gasp! When I see the gorgeous necklace lying on top of red velvet.
A panther in 18k white gold, onyx with two topaz stones and 135 brilliant-cut diamonds. It is worth $25,000.00 because I saw it while shopping on Rodeo Drive last week. "Jade, it's so expensive! You shouldn't have, but it's so beautiful. Thank You!"
"Cat. Friendship has no price limit. Everything else can be bought; getting a better life has a price. Friends like you, though, are priceless. You see me for who I am, judge me, love me, and help me be better; your judgment is never a fault. It's to help me grow, to keep me grounded. You are why I laugh, smile, hope, dream, and love deeply when everything goes to shit in my life. You never falter or leave."
"Jade. I am speechless. Why this particular animal, though? I remember looking it up last week after we saw it and got scared because it represents death, fear."
"You stopped reading after those two words, Cat. I kept reading. Panthers represent magic, power, beauty, grace, solitude, and self-confidence. Panther's eyes hold secrets. You've held my deepest one our entire lives, even when you didn't understand the magnitude of what it means. You've kept it safe inside your walls. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for after what you told me yesterday. I wanted you to have something to remember when you had another day like yesterday. There's a greater truth than what you allow yourself to believe. You are more powerful than you know."
Looking up at her, I see the love shining back at me. Overwhelmed with emotion, I feel my shoulders shaking, and a torrent of tears falls on my face. All the events from yesterday come crashing back into my mind.