Point of View

by Mileycfan4eva

Cat and Jade have lived under public scrutiny for years, but nothing has prepared them for the hellfire of a cousin's vengeance. Will their relationship be able to handle the strain? Crossover with SVU characters.

6. Chapter 6

Fandom: Victorious

Title: Point of View

Chapter Six: Health Class

Point of View: Cat Valentine

Dec 23rd, 2022

"Nine days off! Can this day hurry the hell up and get itself over with, please!" Tori moans as we enter the classroom, and she tosses her bookbag on the 18 x 96 gray granite thermal fused table. "Why have you got some big plan this weekend, Vega?" Jade snaps back at her arching an eyebrow as she coughs. "Sure, do Jade, and you ain't invited."

"She's lying; my sister has no life, no friends, and no plans. Her best friend, for reasons none of us can figure out, is both so self-absorbed I don't know how they haven't killed each other over jealousy. Unlike me, her fabulous older sister who has endless friends and so many plans I can't keep them straight." Trina flips her hair over her shoulders as she leans her head to talk to Remi.

"Tori's big plans are crying into her pillow, eating unlucky charms as she watches a marathon of losers with no hope. Ugh, she is so lame she makes me sick."

"You make me sick, Trina."

"Ugh, yeah. I know. Sick with jealousy."

The final bell rings, and kids scatter, rushing into the classroom. Andre runs to his seat as the door closes shut behind our teacher. High-fiving Tori, he grins. "Almost there, Vega. Are you ready for an epic holiday vacation?"

"Yup, sure am, Andre. See, not boring, Trina, Remi." Tori makes a face at her sister and our cousin grinning as she looks back at Andre. "Are they banging, Cat?" Jade whispers to me. Giving her a look, I wonder what she means by banging. "Having sex." She clarifies. I shrug. "How am I supposed to know, Jade?" "Because you are friends with Tori."

"We don't talk about stuff like that, Jade."

"Remi, are you jealous? I have friends I don't have to bribe to spend time with me?"

"Bite me, Vega." Jade leans down, coughing into her arm. Reaching over, I rub her back gently.

"Nah, too rare I don't want to catch any diseases you're carrying."

I feel Jade's back stiffen under my palms at how easily Tori jokes about diseases. People throw that phrase around so quickly it pisses her off. "Bitch, please, you would be so damn lucky to catch my disease. Awesomeness."

Mr. Cody, our health teacher, claps his hands, standing in front of the room and calling us to attention. "What are we cattle?" Robbie mutters. "Mo'ove on over, Shapiro. You're making me sick." Jade moos as she jokes. "It's okay; my mom said the same thing when I was born. Must be something all women have in common when I am around, something to talk to my therapist about today."

"Class, eyes up here, mouths closed. We are very fast approaching the end of the semester, so today, we will start our end-of-the-year assignments. As you know, these will count for your final semester grades, and they will count as fifty percent of your cumulative grade for the year."

Everyone groans, hanging their heads in agony. "Partner up." Jade and I quickly grab each other's hands, yelling out. "Partners!" the class breaks up into search for partners. Chairs scrape, tables shake, and voices yell out in hope, cheers of victory, and groans of defeat. I find it funny how so many of us chose the same partners we have had all year. Teenagers are creatures of habit squeezing her hand; I am worried her skin feels hot. Jade's medical history leaves her vulnerable to various colds; her immune system is suppressed. Try telling her to go to the doctor and take her health seriously; however, it always ends up with me being frustrated. She doesn't want anything to do with doctors or hospitals.

"Okay, time is up, class. Pay attention. Mouths closed again; now, this project will come in three parts. Part one is due Jan 3rd, 2023; that is the day of return. So, no slacking off on the break. Each pair will be given a topic. You are to research this topic. Create an outline and a list of questions you would interview someone with who an expert on this topic is. Let's use human sexuality and sex as an example."

Rampant cheers erupt from all the guys applauding. "Yeah, sex, baby!" Lucas Mantle howls like a dog fist-pounding his best friend Alexander Johnson, who whistles. Every girl in the room rolls her eyes. "Hey, Kayla! Wanna hook up?" Kayla turns around in her seat, flipping off Lucas. "Not even in my nightmares, loser." Remi laughs high at her sister Kayla. Jade groans, seeing the two of them a high-five. I can feel her frustration a mile away.

"Settle down, class."

Once the class settles down, Mr. Cody heads over to the chalkboard writing the topic in large bold print. Underlining it, he moves to the following line and writes the first question.

What is sexuality, and how is it defined?

"Who can answer this question?" He points to the first part of the question. What is sexuality? A few kids snicker, thinking they are clever. The conversation is already making me very uncomfortable. "Raise your hands if you know the answer. Please do not call it out; this is not who can yell louder. We are in a classroom. Use your manners."

"Ah, Andre."

"Sexuality is a person's identity about the gender or genders which they are typically attracted to, otherwise known as sexual orientation."

"Correct, Andre; thank You for being civil."

"For sure, Mr. Cody."

"Now, can sexuality be defined in a more detailed explanation? Cat, can you answer?"

"Me?" I squeak out, shocked everyone laughs. A deep embarrassment spreads across my body, burning me with shame. My stomach cringes at openly discussing a topic I have no experience with. It needs to be addressed inside my home. How does everyone here seem so comfortable talking about it? Even Rylee appears at ease, slapping his open palm against Ryan's.

All I can hear is my father's voice calling me a slut for dressing the way I did this morning and our Pastor at church. "God gives us clear guidance in His Word on how we can best experience the gift of intimacy and love that he gave us through sex. The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity, and debauchery; Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually sins against their own body. If it is God's will that you should be sanctified and that you should avoid sexual immorality: each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that is holy and honorable. When you are tempted, young gentlemen and ladies, remember Hebrews 13;4 considers sex outside of marriage immoral, let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled; for God will judge sexually immoral and adulterous."

My dad's view on sex is simple if we do not engage our minds, then our bodies shall not be tempted to sin. Hearing the word sex causes my entire body to tense up. My breathing becomes sharp and painful as Jade's, except I am not sick. I want to put my hands over my ears and sing La-La-La; I don't want to talk about this! Of course, I don't because I know it would only make me more of a social outcast. I catch Rylee's eyes staring back at me; only he understands what it's like for me to live in our household. Even Jade can't fully grasp it. Rylee offers me a sympathetic smile. He truly is a remarkable brother. When I glance back at him, I feel my eyes become misty. We could almost pass for twins.

At first glance, Rylee is a relatively normal fourteen-year-old to the casual observer. Nothing about his physical appearance was striking. His facial features are smooth, rounded, and unassuming. In subtle ways, however, he looked unusual. He was a little taller than average. His hair is strawberry blond and soft. He didn't cut it as short as most boys did. Instead, he allowed it to grow thick enough to develop natural waves and curls. Most days, he wears plain, solid-colored shirts and pants — nothing "loud," nothing "hip," nothing bearing famous sports team logos or name-brand insignia. Today's outfit, however, touches me. He chooses to come to school in his unicorn onesie. In support of me, his only sister. To me, there is nothing ordinary about my brother. I don't know many teen boys who willingly subject themselves to the teasing and bullying of wearing a unicorn onesie, even for their only sister.

His hazel eyes smile at me, telling me to hold on; he knows how hard it is for me. Even if I feel alone, I am not alone; he is here. I am not in the middle of nowhere without a lifeboat. I will be okay. He shares my heartache. Even if he acts cool outside and slaps his hands with his best friend, he feels as alone inside as I do. He is just as clueless.

My chest squeezes in shunned emotions. Demons are trying to claw me to death. I can feel the sweat inching down the nape of my neck. My lungs feel stuck between inhaling and exhaling. Instantly I am taking back to the first time I felt such shame over my purity; fingering the golden cross on my chest, I close my eyes, trying to calm myself down. The memories won't stop assaulting me, however.

"Cat, you put the sign upside down!" I try to see what Jade is talking about; bending my head to the left, I stumble, laughing. Turning my head to the right, I look at the homemade sign we made a few hours ago. The sign seems perfect. What is Jade talking about upside down?

Welcome Back

Wolverines School Begins on 9/3/18.

Balance

Excellence

Sportsmanship

Teamwork

What does it spell? Best, that's why Wolverines are the best beasts on the west coast! Harvard-Westlake, we raise the best!

"No, I put it on the building!"

"Yeah, upside down!"

"Why are you yelling at me? OH, I haffta pee, badly! Jadey, I can't hold it. Oh no!"

"No, Cat! You can't pee here!"

I cupped my hands over my private area, feeling the urgency grow stronger. "Where, Jade? We're outside! It's summer; the building is locked." "Follow me, Cat." Jade led me through the thick trees. I can smell the pine and maple mixed with the scent of flowers. A humming from a bee reminds me of how nature isn't ours to own but to observe and enjoy. "Jade, hurry, it's coming!" I took my hand and rubbed my private area, trying to calm it down, but the burn only increased. "Cat, don't touch yourself like that. It's not appropriate." "Jadey, I have to pee!"

Jade climbs over the ledge of a window. "Ha, I knew it would be open. Damn, janitors never lock it. Cat, jump down."

"I can fly! Look at me, Jade! I can fly! Wee!"

I jump off the window ledge laughing as I land on the bathroom floor, spinning wild. "I can fly!"

"Oh, I feel sick!" "The room is floating! Wait, can I swim? Oh My God, Jade, am I drowning?"

The room spins dangerously off-kilter for me. I can't remember how to stand. "Cat, you are being ridic-lush." Jade seemed to lose focus on what she was saying as she took me by my elbows and led me into the stall holding me steady. Why can't I walk a straight line? "N...o..I... am...not." Painful hiccups tore through my chest in protest of Jade's proclamation that I was being ridiculous. The room was floating.

At the time, under the influence of alcohol for the first time in my thirteen years, I believed the room was a giant ocean wave floating above and around me.

"I haffta pee...why won't these pants come off me?" I tried tugging them off but couldn't make them come down. "Cat, you are wearing a dress, not pants." "what's that supposed to mean, Jade?" "It means you have to lift, not push." Jade effortlessly lifted the sundress I was wearing. "Now pull your underwear down, Cat." Jade's words slurred a little making me giggle as I followed her instructions and went to sit but strumbled; she reacted quickly, grabbing me and laughing together. We fell onto each other, landing against the wall, which shook as our bodies slammed against its cheap thin contraption.

Nobody prepares you for the first time you see your name written on a bathroom wall or that your classmates are not automatically your best friends. That day, I learned a hard lesson when I saw my name scribbled on the bathroom wall.

Fat Cat sucks, lunchbox.

Call Cat Valentine for your pleasure.

310-610-5103

"Jade, what does that mean?" I pointed to the words on the wall. "Nothing, Cat, ignore it."

"W-h-at? Why~Cat Valentine, that's me. I am Cat Valentine! Why would I suck a lunchbox?" that's crazy." Until that moment, I had never given a thought about the names on the bathroom walls. Jade took my hand and walked me to the toilet, pushing me down. "pee, Cat, we need to get out of here before we get caught."

Now it dawned on me all those names belonged to people. Real people. Boys and girls the same age as I are all of us with genuine feelings. I had never bothered to wonder how Lucy felt seeing her name up there paired with Ben forever on the door of a random bathroom stall at our middle school. Which Lucy was it, Lucy Hathi, Lucy Lawrence, Lucy Li, or Lucy Renee?

Was it a Lucy? I didn't know, maybe a Lucy from a past class? Who was Artie, and what happened to him? Why should we remember, and what was his name doing in a girl's bathroom? Did he do something extraordinary?

"How did my name get up there, Jade, and why is my phone number there?"

"Is that why I am getting these strange calls?"

"What calls Cat?"

"Boys mainly; they sound cute; I think I know some of them. Others, I am not so sure."

"What do they want, Cat?"

"They said they heard I was good at playing the skin flute. I told them I didn't know any instrument called the skin flute, but I could play it. They all offered me money for lessons."

Jade's face became clouded with an emotion I didn't know how to describe. "Cat, what did you tell them?"

"Duh, I said OKAY. Extra cash."

"You said what?" "I said OKAY. I start my first lesson tomorrow, a boy named Jimmy. I'm meeting him at his house."

"Yeah, that's not happening, Cat."

My head felt funny. I couldn't track what we were talking about, so I giggled. "Hey, Jade, why is my pee so warm?" "Don't bad girls get their names on the wall? I'm a good girl, right, Jade? You sound mad, so that must be a bad thing, right? I don't do bad things...whatever that is...so how did my name get up there?"

"Cat, I'll take care of it. Just pee. To answer your question, your pee is warm cause it's reflecting your body's core temperature."

"Ohh, cool. You are smart, Jade, and sweet. Thank You." I reached up to touch Jade's cheek, but all I could reach were her breasts which felt soft. She blushed, taking my hands off her body. "Jade. I am a good girl, right?"

"Yes, totally, Selena Gomez. Not Demi or Miley. Glinda the good witch, not Elphaba."

"Yay! Don't wish, oh wishing only hurts the heart. There's a girl I know. Oh, I love her so…" Jade smiles as I sing; she touches my cheek softly as she joins in singing. "I'm not that girl, but I wish I could be; the oh little girl doesn't start wishing. It only wounds the heart."

"Jade, you are a good girl too."

"Sure, Cat. In your eyes, honey."

"All the time. Every way, Jade. You're a joiner, not a fighter like me. We're not leaders who start trouble. Not like Remi."

"Maybe Cat. Though honey, we don't get to choose to join a fight. Sometimes the fight chooses us as warriors. Selects us to be a part of a battle that began years before our existence."

"I'm confused, Jade." what war? You are too young to be a soldier. You have to be eighteen. I know my dad's a sergeant in the army, remember, and Daniel, he wants to be a soldier like daddy."

"No Army Cat. The war is inside my body."

"Are we drunk? Cause I am dizzy and confused, and you are talking in circles."

"Yes, Cat, we are drunk."

"Oh, okay."

"Jade?"

"Yes, Cat?"

"Can you erase my name and number? I don't particularly appreciate how it makes me feel. One of the boys asked me to send him a picture yesterday. So, I did; he sent back a laughing emoji and said he meant a different type of picture. I needed clarification. He said he wanted a picture of me without clothes. I didn't understand why...but he said he thought I was beautiful...so he wanted to see all of me…."

"Dear God. Cat, please don't tell me you did it." Jade's reaction scared me. Her fists were clenched. Her eyes were tiny slits staring at me. "Yeah. I sent it. I felt funny, though. I don't understand the harm. It's my body, Jade. Do you think I am ugly? Will the boy not like me anymore?"

Tears prickled in my eyes. Jade reached down and touched my cheek. "Cat, you are beautiful. The boy is a jerk, though. He shouldn't have asked you for a nude picture. Never send anyone a nude photo again; you don't understand how serious the consequences can be, Cat. You don't even know who the boy is. How do you know you can trust him not to show it to his friends or post it online."

"Why would he post it online?"

"Cat, some very sick and dangerous people out there will use beautiful girls for profit."

"You make my body sound like an object, Jade."

"Yeah, that's what happens when you take nude pictures and send them out, Cat. People stop treating your body as precious and start treating it as a possession. You are not an object or possession, so don't allow others to treat you that way, Cat."

"Okay, can you erase the name? I feel sick and confused."

She reached into her bag and pulled out a sharpie scribbling over the phone number and name. She could erase them from the wall, but they still burned brightly inside my memory.

Jade keeps assuring me she took care of the boy, but she will never give me his name. Even now, almost three years later now, I wonder how many people saw the picture. How many people did that boy send my picture to? Is it out there somewhere on the internet? I've been too afraid to search. There couldn't be a happy ending if I looked.

I searched lunchbox/ skin flute a few months ago, and it burns my checks now thinking of how stupid and naive I was at thirteen, not knowing they were terms for oral sex. Who would write lies like that about me on the walls of our school? I had never kissed anyone. Not in real life.

Sure, on TV, I kissed a few costars as my character. Never as myself. I certainly never gave a boy a blowjob. The idea makes me sick. It seems so nasty and so vile. I haven't even seen a boy's private area. What does it look like? How does one give a blowjob? I know the definition is an oral sex act involving a person stimulating the penis of another person by using the mouth, throat, or both. But what is a penis?

Only two girls pop into my mind who could write such lies about me. Stephanie Crawford, the head cheerleader of Harvard-Westlake Middle School, hated me because I beat her as a dance captain of the school's dance team. Stephanie got the entire cheerleading squad to hate me, especially after their coach, Mrs. Angelica, told them they needed to show as much enthusiasm for cheering as I did when I was dancing.

Except I couldn't see Stephanie doing it because her dad was the principal, and as mean as she was, Stephanie wasn't stupid. Her dad was very strict with her and showed her no mercy. She got the most brutal punishment if she broke so much as a pencil or was sassed off by any teacher. He used her as an example. I know she would face an explosion if she were caught doing this. Stephanie cared too much about her grades. She would never risk it going against her dad or her mom, congresswomen Rachel Crawford. I never met her, but I heard she was even more formidable than her husband.

So, with Stephanie out, it left only one mean girl.

"Yeah, explain in detail what sexuality means, Cat; you know all about various types of sex, don't you, little lunchbox?" Remi's voice drips in sarcasm as she comments. I let out a deep breath, trying to smile. Don't let her see she's making me feel ashamed. Mean girls don't remember what they said. It's what my mom always tells me, but it's funny because I can't forget what this mean girl said to me over the years. No matter how much I smile and pretend it doesn't hurt. I can't stop the pulling from tearing at every beat of my heart.

I am more than the worth of her words. I try to repeat this to myself. To remember how to breathe without the tears. "Cat, can you answer the question, please?"

"Define how, Mr. Cody?" Jade speaks up. The pain in my chest rammed up from stiffness to searing, blinding agony faster than I could blink. Andre jumps in to back Jade up. "I already gave you the definition, sir. Why put Cat on the spot when she's uncomfortable? Are embarrassing teenage girls pleasurable to you? If that's your thrill, sir, I think Tori's dad would like to chat with you. He's a cop."

"Yeah, or my cousin Detective Amanda Rollins of the Manhattan Special Victims Unit, the sex crimes unit. They love to break chomos, their special nickname for the sick fuck's who like to prey on children. Her Captain Olivia Benson loves to make men who prey on kids cry like the sick little bitches they are, shall I call her?" Jade snickers.

"We can have a pair of handcuffs with your name on them delivered before the end of the school day." Tori pulls out her cell phone as she comments back to Mr. Cody.

"Nope, we're moving on now, kids; no need to call any police. Mr. Cody does not get down that way. So, keep listing questions for another example is sexuality the same as gender identification?"

"Why is society so obsessed with sex but judgmental against certain sexualities?

"I want a list of sexualities who can tell me the most known sexualities. Remi? Yes, you seem to love to make examples of other girls. How about you speak up."

"Heterosexual or straight when people are attracted to the opposite sex like me. I love boys, and I am a single boys. So, call me. Party at my mansion Sunday." the class cheers except for a few of us. Jade buries her face into her arm coughing. Andre makes a face like he is going to vomit. Tori sticks her finger down her throat, gagging. My body can't let go of the tension. It only builds with every word she says; every motion she makes fills me with suspicion and fear.

I don't trust this fucking bitch.

"Bisexual- you know when someone likes both genders. Like you, Jade, you're confused all the time. One minute you like a dick, and the next, you're licking some bitches' pussy. It's a phrase, but it's pretty nasty."

"Fuck you, Remi. My sexuality is no one's damn business!"

"Oh, little miss pms has joined the part. Okay, clap back bitch. Very good. See, Cat, that's how you defend yourself. Time to grow up pussy Cat."

"Enough!" Mr. Cody slams his fist on his desk all of us sit up straighter. He rubs his head in agony. "Remi, stick to the subject, or you will be in Principle Dubois's office, do you understand?"

"Yes, Sir." Remi is quick to back off when a grownup calls her out. "No balls," Andre mumbles to me. "Asexual-a person who experiences little or no sexual attraction."

"Cat." Kayla coughs. The class laughs.

"Cat. Lesbian- women who are attracted to other women." Kayla coughs again, low-fiving Remi under their desks. The pain inside my chest was at its worst; it dissipated, leaving my mind floating like fog off some terrible lake.

"Are you a lesbian Cat? Why don't you take a ride on my dick bike? I can test your queerness!" Lucas laughs, grabbing his private area. Words like penis and dick are foreign to me. I have no clue what they are referring to.

"Hey Lucas, if you make another comment about my sister again, I'll knock your pearly white teeth so far down your throat you'll be shitting them out for years." Rylee growls in a way I have never heard my brother speak, which scares me. He's the calm Valentine. "Feel me, asshole?"

"Hey, Lucas, I wouldn't be bragging if I were you. One inch is not impressive. You couldn't even tickle me enough to make me squirt from laughing. I had to finger myself so that I could finish. So quit acting like you're some sex god, more like a sex dog who can't even whimper loud enough." Trina rolls her eyes as she knocks him down a few belt sizes. "Bitch." Lucas mumbles.

"Hey, Cat, do you even know what an orgasm is? Mr. Cody, why don't you ask Cat to explain what an orgasm is." Remi laughs, looking directly at me. Mr. Cody turns a shade of cranberry, which I haven't seen since Thanksgiving.

"God, I will get arrested or fired for this subject. What the hell was I thinking attempting to teach these animals about human sexuality? He mumbles, crossing himself across his forehead and chest.

"Hey, Jade. Why don't you give Cat a demonstration of how to have an orgasm since you swing both ways." Remi snickers. "Why don't I shove my closed fist down your throat since you love to talk so much shit? I'm sure you can take it, miss deep throat." Jade sneers back, leaning over her seat, her eyes penetrating a severe threat of violence.

"Try it bitch; I would love to see it. You talk so much shit. I know the real Jade West. The little girl is cowering in the corner when her father is in a drunken rage and is beating her mommy. You weren't so big and fearless then, were you bitch?"

Her words hit hard against my chest again. The pain was so intense, so all-consuming, that I could barely remember where I was… white-hot knives were piercing every inch of my skin, and my head was surely going to burst with pain; I was screaming more loudly than I have ever screamed in my life. Except the screams never leave my head. My voice never gets heard.

Remi may not be attacking me now, but every word she says to Jade feels like a physical attack. Jade's my best friend, my sister. Her pain is my pain, and vice versa.

"You can threaten me all you want, Jade. It's okay because I know it all comes from a place called helplessness. You feel small and insignificant inside your own home. So you take your anger to school; you can't bully your daddy; he's bigger and stronger. These kids here, though, are smaller and weaker. You are a star here; everyone looks up to you. Except me, bitch. I know who you are, and I know you are keeping secrets. I may not know the exact secrets yet, but I will find out. When I do, you will never see me coming."

I see the look of dismay inside Jade and Ryan's eyes. When I look at Ryan, I see rage. A sense I have never felt inside my body until this moment which fills his eyes. My mouth hangs wide open I think my face has frozen.

I watched Ryan clamp his fingers and open them again; his biceps bulge; I don't understand how a boy who weighs 75 pounds could be lifting the 130-pound weights he lifts to give himself the biceps he flexes now. His thin eyebrows arched high up above his eyes. He glanced over at me, and I felt my cheeks grow red. I don't usually blush much.

Most people would look at Ryan and instantly think a boy who looks like this is probably arrogant. He would have every reason to be complacent. I once heard a girl whisper to her friend in the hallway. "I bet he forces his reflection upon every mirror he crosses paths with, forcing it to show his handsome face."

Ryan is a beautiful boy with emerald eyes that sparkle with the candlelight. At least, that's what my character in ACtUp describes his eyes as looking like in this week's script. It's hard to believe my character is supposed to be liking his. We're like siblings in real life. His face is still in the cross paths of a baby's boy's heart-shaped face, not quite yet a teenager's stubble. A splatter of freckles lines his ivy cheeks. His cheekbones are long and deep, giving his face depth. His thinned lips are pressed together, nearly turning blue. I can see the pain in his eyes as he lets out deep breaths to control his rage.

His physical prowess cannot be denied, although I greatly wish I could deny him if he ever passed at me. He hasn't, but for some reason, I wish he did. Why? Dressed in a maroon Kashmir sweater and black jeans, which hug his entire lower frame, his fashion flair was a step above business casual. I can't help but lower my eyes to check out the hug of his jeans. I seem drawn to the area between a boy's legs for the first time. Why am I now noticing how different their outline is from a girl's?

Look up, Cat, Jesus Christ, look up. I force my eyes to look directly into Ryan's as I hear Mr. Cody calling to me. "Catarina, Ryan, get up here; let's give the class a little oral demonstration."

My stomach is in knots, and I can barely catch my breath. I nearly choke on my saliva. What the hell? I can hear the snickers as my face deepens in agitation. Breathe, Cat, fucking breathe. Worry is all-consuming and can't be shaken off.

Every little sound feels like it's multiplying tenfold; my legs are shaking so damn badly I can barely stand. I force myself to grip the desk and take deep breaths. All I can think about is what could go wrong and how disastrous the consequences would be with someone like Remi in class. My thoughts are spinning out of control; I can't turn my brain off.

Suddenly Ryan is beside me, taking my arms and leading me upfront. How is he so calm when I am falling apart and I am a year older? My mind is a beehive that has broken open, and the entire hive of raging bees is swarming and buzzing around my head. I can't hear anything above the buzzing and can't think or formulate sentences. I've had these attacks before, so I am aware it's the start of a panic attack in the past; when people ask me what's wrong, the buzzing gets louder, and I just shut down until they stop.

Ryan's hands support me as we walk to the front of the room, where all eyes are on us. Don't let me throw up. Jesus Christ, my stomach is turning sour. "Cat, Ryan will explain to the class what oral sex and deep throating mean. Won't you? Since Jade and Remi seem to know so much about it. I'm curious how much do all teenagers know about oral sex?"

"Does every girl here know what an orgasm is or how to achieve one?"

"Does every teenager in this room know what sex is or how to have sex?"

"What does sex feel like?"

"What is a sex dream? Why do we have them?"

"How do I kiss?" "Ryan and Cat, you are playing two characters who kiss on the screen. Let's show the class how two actors kiss while Cat's character explores her sexual identity. This is a school for performing arts, so artists perform."

Ryan looks deep into my eyes, trying to calm me. It's no use; my heart races hard, and my throat feels dry and tight. I am not an actor at this moment. I am a student. A female student who feels very uncomfortable with my male teacher commanding me to kiss another student.

"Relax any racing thoughts, and remember artists are ready to perform at a moment's notice. We are in class. This is a demonstration of human sexuality."

Is he correct, though? Do I need to separate my heart from my mind? As an actor, there will be plenty of scenes I am uncomfortable performing, but it's my job to bring the script to life. I don't get paid to play the parts I like; I get paid to play the roles I earn.

"Cat, this is as uncomfortable for me as you, so trust me, you are not alone. I won't hurt you, though."

Ryan's hands burrowed into my hair. My own hands reached up in the answer. I couldn't believe I was touching him — first, his chest, firm and strong, smooth surprisingly because I've seen Daniel and Sutton shirtless, they both have hair on their chests.

Ryan's adam's apple is shaking in fear — weaving my hands behind his head to draw him closer. Cold chills sizzled against the backs of my knees, contrasting with the hot and demanding heat pulling at me from the inside.

When Ryan finally lifted his head, his expression was stark, honest, and intense. His color spread all over his cheeks. He inclined his head so that his forehead rested against mine. His eyes closed, our breath intermixing. I could sense his struggle and his despair.

"Let's do this and get it over with; I trust you, Ryan."

"Good cause I trust you too, Cat."

"None of us are perfect," he murmured.

His hands rose to frame my jaw on both sides. "I'm more imperfect than most."

"Not to me." I close my eyes and see Ryan tilt his head, lowering his face toward mine. The shock of his mouth against mine wasn't cold or dominating. The stunning contact was all glowing, sparkling warmth. Soft, firm lips. His lips. Against mine. He was passionate and urgent about communicating something to me that he'd been unable to communicate with words.

He smelled like expensive cologne and ocean. His breath blended with mine so that I couldn't tell where his exhale ended and my inhale began. Every sensation was packed with miracles and overwhelming surprise, and deep commitment. My pulse thundered.

I had no idea, no idea, that kissing him could be like this, that kissing him could set my soul on fire.

"Okay, class, let's take kissing as an example. Kissing causes a chemical reaction in your brain, including a burst of the hormone oxytocin. It's often referred to as the "love hormone" because it stirs up feelings of affection and attachment. Does anyone else feel slightly aroused watching these two kiss? What is arousal?"

Ryan and I break apart to a round of applause. He kicks at the ground, unable to look me in the eyes, but his blush spreads across his cheeks. Which only humiliates me further.

"The need to jerk off!" "Hey, Robbie, you are a jerk-off who Cat has turned down; how does it feel watching her kiss another boy who can please Cat with his dick?" Lucas laughs, answering.

"Lucas, enough; go see Principal Dubois." "Aw, man!"

"Now." Lucas kicks the ground and grabs his stuff growling at us as he walks past. I wish I could breathe a sigh of relief, but I can't. "Can someone else explain what arousal is without being vulgar?"

"Tori?" Her face deepens a concerning shade of red as she stutters. Arousal is the feeling of being turned on sexually. When you're turned on, your body experiences physical and emotional changes. Your penis or clitoris may get erect or hard, engorged, and sensitive, and you may feel wetness on your vulva or vagina or the tip of your penis."

"Correct; how can someone become sexually aroused? Trina?"

"You can become aroused from sexual stimulation alone or with a partner, fantasizing or having sexual thoughts, reading, watching, or listening to erotic materials like porn. Arousal can also happen when sensitive body parts are touched, called "erogenous zones. But not everyone feels sexually aroused from touch."

"Yeah, like Robbie. Oh, wait, he's never been touched!" Remi laughs at her joke. "Remi, you can join your friend Lucas. Now." Mr. Cody barks.

"What are the feelings of arousal? Cat, Ryan?"

I take a deep breath looking back at Ryan, who nods. Jesus Christ. I am still determining what he's talking about. I look to Jade for help; she shrugs and mouths. "How are you feeling right now?"

I give one example of what I feel is happening inside my body. "Your blood pressure, heart rate, breathing, and temperature increase." "Your nipples and lady parts fill with blood and become more sensitive. Your vagina lubricates, gets wet, and expands."

"Correct, Cat, this is all natural and expected; there is nothing to be ashamed of, ladies; it's a part of growing up and exploring your sexuality. What you like, how you like it, or what you don't like, don't let anyone pressure you or shame you."

"Ryan, can you tell me how a guy feels when aroused?"

Mr. Cody. "Ugh, yeah, um, sure. Your penis gets harder and stands up; this is also called getting an erection."

I hear Lucas open the door angrily, distracting me from seeing or hearing Remi get up out of her seat. Lucas stumbles, dropping his books. Part of me enjoys watching him struggle and turn around, his eyes softening as he addresses Mr. Cody. "I'm sorry for being a jerk. Can I please get another chance? My father will kill me if I get into trouble."

"Well, perhaps you should have thought of that before you opened your mouth and chose to interrupt my class. You want to clown around and be a dick, Mr. Mantle. No second chances out of my classroom now."

The room is filled with a giant gasp, and a pair of hands suddenly appear against my shoulders, shoving me forward hard. There is no other warning. I don't crumple. My feet stumble, trying to dig into the tile, but it's slippery like ice, so I fall like a statue; I try to find something to grab onto to get my balance. The heaviness of a hand against the back of my head prevents me from gripping anything. "Didn't you hear, Mr. Cody, Cat? He wants you to show us what deep-throating a boy's cock looks like, and you are the expert at the skin flute, aren't your lunchbox?"

Remi's voice is laced with malevolence when she shoves me into Ryan, who falls. Remi holds me tightly even as I fight against her; she's stronger and meaner; her eyes dance in amusement as she grabs my hair. I scream, but she slaps me. My eyes sting with tears as she twists me, shoving my face between Ryan's legs. Ryan grunts as my mouth is pushed onto his most private area. I couldn't scream, but I wanted to. I've never felt a guy's private area, even through his jeans though I can feel how swollen and stiff Ryan is; it's sickening. It's scary. What the hell do they have down there?

There's an eruption of gasps and screams in class as hands pull me up; I scramble on my butt, sliding back, gasping for air, caught between crying and hyperventilating. Arms wrap around me, holding me, and a voice whispers.

"It's okay, Cat. I'm here. You're safe." Tori, I recognize the voice. She gently kisses my forehead rocking me back and forth. When I opened my eyes, I saw her face staring down at me, her expression soft and understanding by the impact of how horrifying my experience was.

"Where's Jade?" I gasp out, still dazed, my vision slowly returning. I see Ryan cradling himself on the fall like a toddler. His face was bright red his legs squeezed together. Tori and I whip our heads around at the sound of running feet. Jade and Rylee rush out of their seats, attacking Remi. Remi is thrown back by Rylee, who grabs her. "I don't give a shit if you are my cousin and a girl. I'll kill you! Remi hits Mr. Cody's desk with a thundering crash. Splinters fly into the air.

Tori protects my head. Jade pulls Remi's body up as classmates try to hold her back, but anger is boiling within Jade worse than any volcanic eruption. Remi staggered back when Jade slammed her fist into her face. Recovering with a shake of her head Remi swung a roundhouse punch, landing on Jade's nose. Jade stumbled backward, and I felt her body fall past where Tori and I were sitting on the floor. Her perfume lingers long past her fallen body.

'She's bleeding!" Ryan yells fearfully. Jade doesn't stay down. She pushes herself back up, not bothering to touch her bloody nose, but the fear in Ryan's eyes when he sees his sister bleeding reminds me of Jade's deepest secret, the one Remi can never find out. Jade and Ryan are both HIV positive.

I saw Jade's hand swing out and connect to Remi's stomach as though it was in slow motion. She cried out, her legs giving out as Jade's six rings permanently impacted her flesh. I heard a cackle, and then with a flash of bodies, I saw Remi fly back, landing on her back, bewildered. Jade stood above me, panting, her hand still curled in a fist. She was held back by Andre and Rylee, both of who have a look of disgust in their eyes.

"Come near my brother or Cat again, bitch, and I swear I will strangle you with my bare hands."

"You try it, Jade, and I will uncover every one of your secrets and end you. I promise." standing on shaky legs, Remi attempts to advance towards Jade only to be stopped by Mr. Cody and Derrick, one of our security officers who comes racing inside.

"I'm not afraid of you, Remi. You are a pathetic tampon tunnel of jealousy and greed. You couldn't earn your place in Hollywood, so you cried to your mommy to buy you a seat. It's time you learned what happens when you cross me, Bitch. I do not back down. You started this fucking war, but I will finish it and be victorious."

"Watch yourself, Jade. I may have more to lose, but you have no one in your corner to catch you when you fall, and I will be the last one standing in this war bitch."

"Better take care of your nose; you have some blood coming out there." Remi grins as she tries to break free of Derrick. "Cause when you fall, you won't be getting back up. I will make sure it's lethal." Jade finally seems to catch on that she's bleeding and quickly grabs tissues. Now standing, Ryan rushes to his sister's side.

"Jade and I may not have parents to hold our hands and buy our way into every club and social circle in town, Remi, but what we do have is each other, and you will never come between us or break us. So, issue all the useless threats you want; they don't matter. Jade and I are stronger than your worst tricks."

"You have no idea who you are messing with, little man, but you will. All of you will. I promise." Remi's voice was deep and husky; it had low tones that scraped like nails on a blackboard, and a hiss on the letter S. It sounded as though it had been broken on the rack, thin and pained. Her voice sent shivers throughout my body, penetrating every layer of my body. How are Jade and Ryan standing there confident? When I'm almost peeing myself in fear, I am not the one Remi threatened?

What does Remi mean she will make Jade's fall lethal? Is she threatening to kill or hurt her emotionally on such a deep layer that Jade will wish she was dead?