Fandom: Victorious

Title: Point of View

Chapter 29 :

Point of View: Jade West

A/N: Warning for a trigger-sensitive topic of abortion.

"The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the States, are reserved to the States respectively, or to the people. Today's class discussion, people. Who should decide a woman's right to their body for reproductive rights and abortion?"

I can already feel my body tense at today's discussion topic. I never expected to be pregnant neither did Cat. I can see her feeling as tight as I think, and her hand squeezes mine.

"Robbie, what are your views?"

Mr. Cody points to Robbie, who swallows fast, his chest seizing as he glances at me. No one outside of our friends knows Cat, and I are pregnant. We need to show more for everyone else to notice. "Remember the rules, everyone. Every student has a right to Pass, a right to respect others and is respected, and one person speaks at a time since today's lesson is on a sensitive topic. It's one of the reasons I asked Lane to join us today. Say, hi, Lane."

Lane Alexander, our school guidance counselor, glares at Mr. Cody but turns to us. "Hi, Lane!" he waves at us, making us laugh. "I'm here to help with any questions or concerns students may have about this subject, yes, it's a class, but it's also a life lesson. None of us know when life may present us with making a tough and personal choice, such as abortion. So, in addition to being prepared with the facts, we also need to consider our emotions. That's why I am here; feel free to share how you feel but remember, Respect."

Mr. Cody nods as he addresses the class. "Let's ask ourselves these questions, class. What are some reasons why teens might have sexual intercourse and not use birth control?"

"What do you think about the boyfriend's role in this situation? Did he act responsibly? Could he have done anything differently, in your opinion?"

"If so, what? If your friend told you she was pregnant and didn't know what to do, what advice would you give her?"

"How do you feel about parental notification and consent laws?"

"What are some ways to prevent the need for abortion? How could parents help? How could schools help?"

"Robbie, what are your views on this question? If your friend told you she was pregnant and didn't know what to do, what advice would you give her?"

"Um, I well, oh, um... I would tell her that she has choices. It may feel like the end of the world, and she may feel powerless like her life is over, but it isn't. This is only a chapter of her story that is still being written; she gets to choose which direction she takes her life. The blank pages are there for her to write how she feels. There aren't any right or wrong feelings or choices. It's her body, her choice. She has a voice."

I find my hands slipping over my stomach, wondering what is going on there. How big is the fetus? Does it have fingers, toes, or a heartbeat yet? What would this child's story be if they had a chance to be born? I feel myself growing more scared by this choice. Is it a choice, though? My life is on the line. I glance at Cat and see she's crying. Tears are streaming down her cheeks. I reach over and squeeze her fingers. She doesn't turn to face me.

Her hands are trembling. How is she feeling? What can I do to help? "Good answer, Robbie, Lucas?"

"I think she made a mistake. A huge one, but she can make it disappear."

"So, you approve of abortion?"

"If it means I get to keep my life and not waste it working my ass off for a child I don't want, sure, why should I ruin my future because of a mistake?"

"So, you think having a baby as a teen is a mistake?"

"Yeah, we're teens. None of us are mature enough to raise a kid. We are kids!"

"Lucas, what do you think about the boyfriend's role in this situation? Did he act responsibly? Could he have done anything differently, in your opinion?"

"I mean, it depends on the situation, Mr. Cody. We're young and experimenting. Sometimes you can use all the protection in the world, birth control, condoms, and pulling out, and accidents still happen; it doesn't make the boy unresponsible or do anything different except not have sex, but telling horny teenagers not to have sex is stupid. Most of us want to have sex, lots of sex, so yeah, accidents happen."

"Pretty mature, Lucas." "Thanks, Mr. Cody." Tori leans in closer to me. "Damn, how hard did Lucas's dad beat him?" I chuckle. "Yeah, a different Lucas, huh?" Tori nods.

"Trina? What are your views? Do you agree with abortion?"

"No, I think it's murder. If you are mature enough to lie down and get pregnant, you must be mature enough to take the consequences. I mean, medical reasons aside, every child is a human being and deserves to be born; I don't believe in accidents. I believe in miracles. It's not unplanned; it's unwanted. You can take a broken glass and make it into something breathtakingly beautiful. So, why can't you take the miracle of life, a child of God, and make it something meaningful for your life? It will be hard, but life isn't meant to be easy. Every life deserves a voice. Every child is a choice. Silencing that voice makes you a murderer."

I grip my stomach tighter. Closing my eyes, feeling my heart squeeze. I can hear a baby's voice crying in my brain, feel their fingers squeezing around my fingers as I look down into their eyes.

Every breath I breathe feels heated and tight. What would this baby be, a boy or a girl? Could they be a doctor who cures cancer or a singer who inspires children to dream big like my mother? Doesn't my child deserve a chance? Do I have a choice?

"On June 24, The Supreme Court overruled Roe v. Wade, eliminating the constitutional right to abortion after almost 50 years in a decision that will transform American life, reshape the nation's politics and lead to all but total bans on the procedure in about half of the states. Do you think it's the right of the government to make choices about our bodies?"

"Trina."

"No, I think it should still be an individual choice because there are some situations beyond our control, and if the government had their way they would make it so women could never have an abortion even if it meant her life could end by carrying a pregnancy too dangerous for her or carry the child of a rape. It's retraumatizing."

"What do you know about Roe v. Wade, the landmark decision that guaranteed abortion access? What questions do you have?"

"Jade."

Clearing my throat, I answer. "In 1970, Jane Roe, a fictional name used in court documents to protect the plaintiff's identity, filed a lawsuit against Henry Wade, the district attorney of Dallas County, Texas, where she resided, challenging a Texas law making abortion illegal except by a doctor's orders to save a woman's life. In her lawsuit, Roe alleged that the state laws were unconstitutionally vague and abridged her right to personal privacy, protected by the First, Fourth, Fifth, Ninth, and Fourteenth Amendments."

"What do you know about abortion, a medical procedure to end the pregnancy?"

I close my eyes, feeling my chest tighten, imagining my baby in my arms, smelling their baby scent, remembering how I used to help my mom with Ryan when he was born. When I open my eyes, I see my brother looking back at me, concerned.

I can't muster a smile. I feel Kayla's eyes glaring at me. She blames me for Remi being locked up. Knowing she took a plea deal and spared me a trial it's a relief. She's serving a fifteen-year sentence. All three of the boys who participated in raping Cat are doing time. We should feel free, but the shadows of their decisions hang over our heads.

"Andre." Mr. Cody calls on him. "There are two main ways abortion can be done: the abortion pill, also called medication abortion, and an abortion procedure, also called in-clinic abortion. Whether a woman has a medication abortion or an abortion procedure depends on how far along they are in pregnancy, what the provider chosen offers, and their preference."

"Good, let's cover the pill. Medication abortion is often called the abortion pill, but it's not just one pill. And there are multiple ways to use abortion pills to have an abortion. Depending on availability and other factors, it's possible to use only one medication for a medication abortion. Still, the most effective and common medication abortion in the U.S. involves taking two different medications."

"First, when a woman goes to get a procedure done. She will receive counseling, an ultrasound, and a waiting period. Why would she receive counseling? Cat?"

Cat coughs to clear the tears from her throat. "To make sure she's mentally able to handle to emotions and responsibility of having an abortion. To inform her of her choices, help her understand other options, and explore what they would look like in her life."

"Excellent answer, Cat."

"Yeah, um, thanks."

"Okay, next question, class, when do you consider life to begin?"

"Conception!" half the class shouts out. At the same time, the other half shouts back. "In the second trimester!" "Jane, why do you think the second trimester?"

"Because at conception and the first trimester, the fetus is just a cluster of cells that have not yet developed into viable human beings."

"Bullshit, you are just trying to cover up that having an abortion at this stage is murder! Trying to hide the fact that by the time most surgical abortions take place, a prenatal child has electrical activity in the brain and a beating heart. You're killing a human being. Not a cluster of cells!"

"No, it's not, Cindy. The fetus is barely formed at this stage!"

"See, you can't even say the terms correctly; the baby is being formed. Even using the term fetus is dehumanizing. The baby is growing from the second of conception! At the moment the sperm cell of the human male meets the ovum of the female and the union results in a fertilized ovum (zygote), a new life has begun... The term embryo covers the stages of early development from conception to the ninth or tenth week of life."

My brain spins with all these facts and opinions. My heart feels heavy, and my body is tired. Why, if Jesus exists, did he place such a heavy burden on my shoulders? I look over at Cat and see her body shaking.

So much anger is inside me, unable to protect Cat from those boys or keep the nightmares from haunting her. I see her hand sliding over her belly. Is she wondering who this baby growing inside of her could be? Can she count her son's fingers in her head or see her daughter's beautiful eyes shining back at her? Can she see herself teaching her daughter how to jump rope or shoot a basketball or teach her son how to do a proper jet?

"Robbie, how do you feel about parental notification and consent laws? Do you know what consent is, Robbie?"

Robbie squirms inside his seat, his face turning a little redder. Yeah, Robbie, do you know what consent means? Angrily I think to myself, glaring at the little turd? My anger returns full force, and I want to slam his head into the wall. I can't stop the picture of him on top of my sweet Cat, trying to force himself inside her.

"Um, yeah. Consent is an agreement between participants to engage in sexual activity. Consent should be clearly and freely communicated. A verbal and affirmative expression of consent can help you and your partner understand and respect each other's boundaries. Consent cannot be given by individuals who are underage, intoxicated or incapacitated by drugs or alcohol, or asleep or unconscious. If someone agrees to an activity under the pressure of intimidation or threat, that isn't considered consent because it was not given freely. Unequal power dynamics, such as engaging in sexual activity with an employee or student, also mean that consent cannot be freely given."

"So, let's ask this question. If you and a girl are kissing and touching, and you want to go further, but she says no, what does that mean?"

"It means you, um, stop."

"'Correct, Robbie; why do you sound so hesitant?"

"Because I need to apologize, Mr. Cody."

"Why did you fart?" the class laughs as Robbie turns to look back at Cat. Her face deepens a shade of red I have never seen. Not caring about making noise anymore, I pick my desk up and scrape it across the floor to move it next to Cat. I take her hand inside mine and squeeze it.

"No, I didn't understand consent when I was fourteen, and I deeply hurt someone I cared about. We played pirates for a class assignment, and I thought I made the rules because I was the man. I made my friend undress even though she told me she wasn't comfortable. I threatened her and forced her to lie down naked. I tried to force her to have sex, even though she kept saying no. I thought it was like those porn videos I watched; I thought that no meant yes; I was fourteen, confused with racing hormones. Even when she cried and said I was hurting her, I believed she was acting. Cat, I am so sorry. I never meant to hurt you."

"You son of a bitch!" Andre leaps out of his seat, seeing Cat's reaction. Her face crumbles, and her shoulders shake. I jump out of my seat to wrap my arms around her as Andre grabs Robbie's collar pulling him out of his seat. "I'll kill you!" Robbie squeals, kicking the air, trying to land one in some part of Andre.

Mr. Cody and Lane both race over to pull Andre and Robbie apart. The class burst into commotion, many turning to Cat, shocked. Her body shakes inside my arms.

"Oh, please, we all know Cat was asking for it, just like with those boys she sent to jail. Whore wanted it so badly she did all three and then cried rape." Manson Bryan rolls his eyes. "Hey, sign my poster, Cat. I made it to jerk off to each night." He unrolls a 16 x 24 photo making me gasp out loud along with half the girls. Mason has taken a screenshot of our sex video and blown it up Cat's entire naked body, her fingers inside her vagina as she orgasms. "I love jacking off to whores."

"Yeah, Mason is right. You're not at fault, Robbie. She enjoyed it. Maybe she shouldn't wear such tight clothing or short skirts." Kayla blows a kiss our way. The sights, the sounds, and the smells all come rushing back to Cat; I can feel it in how tight her fingers wrap around my shoulders and how loud her gasping has become. Tori and Trina quickly race to help me hold her.

"Look at what you did to her, jerk." Lisa Stansfield stands up. "Do you see what you've done to her, turned something so sweet into something so broken? Guilt and shame surround her, but that should be you feeling like this. Do you see what you took from her, her sense of self and safety? Taking a girl's clothes off without permission steals something; it's her identity."

"You're not broken, Cat. You're just hurting. Don't let those words reflect what's inside your soul."

"Then why do I feel broken, Jade? I keep telling myself it's not my fault, but what if it is? All of it? I was so eager to have sex I pressured you into making love, and now it's all over the internet. Jesus is punishing me, and it hurts worse because you got hurt in all of this mess I created. I couldn't stop fighting with Remi, and she won. She sent those boys to hurt me. But she was only doing what Jesus told her to."

"You are crazy, Cat. Jesus doesn't have messengers here on earth. Did you forget to take your meds like your brother? Christ is the entire family, a bunch of whack-a-doodles. Stop being a liar, Cat; this is your fault. Your night was fun, not the worst nightmare you claim to be, but daddy's good Christian girl can't be seen as a slut, so you're lying. Nasty little bitch."

Larry sneers at her moving closer to where we are in the room. Andre quickly moves from Robbie to come over to protect us. "Back off, Larry, or I will rearrange your pretty little face with my fist and make it look as twisted as your mind."

Cat shivers. She hides behind this like it's her fault. Which only makes me angry and sick. We're still so young and scared.

How can we decide as crucial as going through with a pregnancy? My heart feels like it's racing hard. I can't swallow; my head is spinning. So, I place it against her shoulder. The scent of her strawberry shampoo hits me, and I sigh, burying my face into her neck. Her soft skin feels warm. Closing my eyes, I whisper words of strength to her, wondering if they have any real meaning. "You can recover. It's a hard and ongoing road, but it can be done."

A sudden shock leaves me breathless it's not painful, but it startles me every time this damn thing shocks my heart. The ICD delivers a shock to prevent a dangerously fast heart rhythm. The device recognizes the rhythm, which may cause discomfort — dizziness, lightheadedness, palpitations, an "about-to-faint" feeling — and then suddenly, the ICD shock brings the rhythm back to normal. The jolt is a powerful one to control the heart without delay. Cat looks up, feeling my body jerk, and her hand reaches to place it against my face. She looks me in the eyes, and at that moment, I feel more connected to her than any of our other moments here on earth.

How can I live my life like this, though? Being shocked back into rhythm. I've always lived a little off-beat, but that phrase has a new meaning. It's a reminder to me, though. There's no way my failing heart can support a full-term pregnancy. I'll die before I ever give birth. I have to make the choice that fits my life best.

As hard as it is to make this choice. I know; abortion is my only choice. My heart aches for Cat, though. What will she choose? We barely know who we are at sixteen, yet we're now responsible for bringing another life into this world, a life we will protect and guide.