Johnny closed his eyes as he listened to the whirr of the saw cutting through the cast, his fingers curled around Diane's hand. After nearly three months, he was good and ready to be out of the damn thing, and more than ready for everyone around him to quit fussing over him.

Not that he didn't appreciate all the care and concern, but it was well past time for him to get back to his normal life, time to get back to the station and back to doing what he did best.

And then there was Diane. They had big plans, too.

"That's it." Doctor Robinson's voice broke into his thoughts. "You're a free man, John."

Johnny released Diane's hand and sat up. Isaac had warned him that it was likely that at best, his joints would be stiff after all that time in the cast, but even Johnny was surprised when his knee would barely bend.

He had managed to bite back a gasp when he glanced over at Doctor Robinson, who merely regarded him with a knowing look. "It's going to take a little more work before you're moving right again. Keep up the physical therapy, and you'll be up and around before long."

Johnny wasn't sure what he had expected, but he was pretty sure it wasn't that.

He half-listened to Doctor Robinson's instructions, nodding as he slid down from the exam table. His disappointment must have shown, because Doctor Robinson gently placed a hand on Johnny's shoulder as he and Diane were leaving.

"Keep the faith, John." He told Johnny. "Just keep doing what you're doing, and we'll see you back here in about a month."

"All right."

He and Diane started back down the hallway to the elevator. While they were waiting, Diane broke the silence. "It's still a big deal, getting the cast off."

Johnny shrugged as the elevator doors opened and they entered. "Still stuck on these things for a while."

"But you knew you would be." Diane pointed out.

"Well, it doesn't mean I have to like it." Johnny answered sharply.

Diane pressed her lips together, but otherwise didn't respond. It was a quiet ride back down to emergency.

The bell chimed and the doors opened, and they were greeted by Early. "Well, hey there, Johnny. Big day, getting that cast off."

Johnny managed a quick smile and nodded. "Yeah, pretty big day. Still got a way to go, though."

"You'll get there." Early cheerfully responded. "You'll be back on that squad in no time."

Johnny had to wonder if Early's optimism was a bit misplaced. "Appreciate it, Doc."

Early nodded, smiled, and went on his merry way, and Diane gave him a little nudge. "We've got some time before your appointment. Would you like to grab some coffee?"

Johnny couldn't help smiling at that. "Isn't that how this whole thing started with us?"

"Yes." Diane laughed. "And if I remember correctly, it took three weeks for us to finally find time for that."

"Not much of a problem now." Johnny answered, trying to sound casual. "Kind of surprised you're not sick of me by now."

Diane looked baffled. "Why would you think that?"

Diane got their coffee and they found a table, each taking a seat. "You've been doing damn near everything for me, and I've barely been able to do anything. Just figured you'd be tired of it by now, that's all."

Diane took a sip of her coffee before answering. "It's not going to last forever, and eventually things will get back to normal. Besides, it's not as if I've been the only one looking after you."

She had a point. Nearly everyone he knew had come over at some point in his recovery. Even Mike had stopped by to visit, and they had spent a few afternoons splitting a six pack, playing cards, and just talking. It was the most they had talked in the whole time they had worked together.

It wasn't that he minded the company. He just wasn't used to it, and it felt strange to have all these people parading through his apartment.

"Suppose you're right." Johnny finally answered. "Guess I'm getting impatient."

Diane reached across the table and took his hand. "Anyone would. But maybe this has been good for you, too. It's made you slow down."

Johnny considered this and shook his head. "Nope, I hate it."

Diane let out a short burst of laughter. "Then let's get you over to PT."

# # #

Johnny left Diane at the therapy room and was immediately greeted by Isaac. "Hey man, you're looking a little lighter. How are you feeling?"

"Like I'm starting all over." Johnny answered bluntly.

Isaac nodded as Johnny sat down in a chair. "We'll start working on mobility today, then work on catching up this right leg to match your left."

"How long are we looking at?"

Isaac took a deep breath. "Another month. We'll reevaluate then and see where you are."

That was hardly the answer Johnny was hoping to hear. It must have shown on his face, because Isaac gave him that look he always did just before he launched into one of his pep talks. Johnny wasn't so sure he wanted to hear one of those today.

"I know it's not what you wanted to hear." Isaac told him. "But I'm not gonna blow smoke up your ass, you know that."

Johnny did know that, and it was one of the qualities he most appreciated about Isaac. "You know, I was just looking forward to getting out of the cast. Didn't think much about what came next."

"Look man, this was a bad injury. Probably one of the worst I've ever seen." Isaac answered. "But look how far you've come already. You've just gotta take it the rest of the way. Now, are you ready to get back to work?"

And there was that damn pep talk. Johnny let out a short huff of irritation. "All right, let's get started. Again."

Isaac's face split into that wide grin. "That's more like it. Okay, so that knee's pretty stiff, right?"

"Yeah." Johnny nodded.

"We're gonna start slow." Isaac told him. "Stop when you feel pain. Soreness is normal, pain isn't. And I know you know the difference."

It took a few tries, but Johnny was finally able to bend his knee without feeling as if he was going to tear something. "That's good, that's good." Isaac told him. "Now let's work that ankle and foot. Same thing, all right?"

The flexibility exercises took the better part of the session, and it took more out of Johnny than he expected. Isaac merely nodded when Johnny told him so. "Warm water soak will help get things moving. Do that before you start doing the exercises. Next time you come in, we'll get you in the hydrotherapy tub."

A familiar tap on the door frame made Johnny turn around to see Adam enter the room. "Hey, partner. See you got the cast off."

"And still have a lot of work to do according to this guy." Johnny answered.

Adam chuckled, glancing over at Isaac. "Hope he's not giving you too much trouble." He told the other man.

Isaac merely shrugged, the slightest smile on his face. "I've met worse."

"Guys, I'm right here." Johnny spoke up. "I can hear you."

He felt Adam's hand land on his shoulder. "Guess it's time to go. See you around."

"See ya." Isaac answered before turning his attention to Johnny. "And I'll see you next time."

Something was very obviously going on between his partner and his physical therapist, but Johnny kept his thoughts to himself until he got into Adam's car.

Once they were on the road, Johnny finally figured out how to bring it up. "So, uh…you and Isaac know each other?"

"In a manner of speaking." Adam replied casually.

"Oh, one of your one-night stands."

"More like two nights." Adam answered with a little smile. "We had a great weekend, and we went our separate ways. Not much else to say."

"Huh."

Adam glanced over at him. "Whatever you're thinking, stop it."

"Who said I was thinking anything?"

"You didn't have to." Adam shot back.

"Just seems like if he likes you and you like him…"

"It's a little more complicated than that." Adam answered sharply. "I don't expect you to understand. Just…leave it alone, okay?"

Johnny started to argue the point before Adam stopped him. "I mean it. Leave it alone."

"Fine. You want me to leave it alone, I'll leave it alone."

"Thank you." Adam let out a little sigh.

They talked a little more after that, with Adam catching Johnny up on what was going on down at the station. Johnny suddenly felt very much as if he were being left out and left behind. He hated to admit how much it hurt.

Soon enough Adam pulled up at Johnny's apartment building. "You let me know if you need a ride to your next appointment, okay?"

"Won't you be on shift?"

Adam shrugged, and Johnny could have sworn he could spot the color rising in the other man's cheeks, almost matching his hair. Johnny managed to bite back the laugh he could feel coming on. "I'll let you know, how about that?"

"Deal." Adam nodded. "Now, do you need anything before I go?"

"You've done enough." Johnny told him. "Thanks."

Johnny swung himself out of the car and made his way back up to the apartment, easing himself down onto the living room floor. He was always surprised how much work physical therapy was, and how tired he was afterward.

If he couldn't manage to get through a few physical therapy sessions, how the hell was he going to make it back on the job? Maybe it was time to consider a different career entirely.

But Johnny couldn't imagine what else he would do. He'd barely skated by in high school, had no interest in college, and had drifted for a while until he applied for the fire academy almost on a whim. There, he had found his purpose, training in rescue, and he turned out to be damn good at it. Even when he'd almost had to be bribed into signing up for paramedic training, once he got into it, he had discovered that he loved that, too.

The danger was an allure, sure. There were few things that gave Johnny a greater rush than diving headfirst into a dangerous situation and emerging triumphant. But it wasn't just the danger. It was saving the lives that would have otherwise been lost if it wasn't for him and his fellow paramedics, and that was its own kind of rush.

He'd miss that if he could never return.

There were other possibilities, Johnny supposed. Dispatch, sure. Maybe he could get certified to teach the paramedic certification classes. He'd run a few CPR demonstrations here and there and had enjoyed the experience.

It wouldn't be the same, but it would keep him with the department, at least.

That he was even considering other career possibilities bothered Johnny. He'd always been able to take a hit and bounce back. This one had taken him down hard, harder than any other injury he'd suffered, and not just physically. It was wearing him down mentally, too.

Not that he would ever admit that, but even he could only keep up the relentless optimism for so long.

He absentmindedly flexed his foot and rotated his ankle while he lay on the floor. The movement did seem to ease some of the stiffness, though it felt a little odd without the weight of the cast.

The knee was a little more difficult, even as Johnny tried to go easy with it, and he could feel every little crackle and pop as he all but willed the damn thing to bend.

Nope, that wasn't going to happen today. He barely managed to bend it even as far as he'd done at physical therapy.

Johnny eased his leg back down to the floor and closed his eyes. He knew he should probably take something for the throbbing that started in his knee and radiated outward, but that would mean he'd have to get off the floor.

He wasn't exactly comfortable there, but he wasn't entirely confident in his ability to get off the floor without assistance, either. Besides, he was beat. Nothing wrong with catching a little sleep while he was down here.

# # #

The sound of the opening door made him open his eyes, and soon Diane was standing above him with a concerned expression. "Hello."

Johnny glanced over at her. "Oh, hey."

Diane kneeled down on the floor. "Do you need a hand up?"

Johnny tried to be casual about it. "Couldn't hurt."

Diane held out her hand, and Johnny braced himself, wincing as he managed to get to his feet. She didn't say anything, but she didn't have to.

"I'm fine." Johnny told her. "Just pushed a little harder than I should have, that's all."

Diane regarded him skeptically. "You already know what I'm going to say."

"I don't need anything." Johnny answered sharply as he leaned over to grab his crutches, making his way to the bathroom. A hot soak suddenly sounded like just the thing he needed, with the added bonus of getting out from under Diane's watchful eye.

If this was how married life was going to be, maybe he was better off staying single.

And maybe Diane would be better off not being stuck with him.

He ran the water and climbed in, letting the heat soak in. It did start to relax him and soothed some of the soreness. He probably should have started with this, as Isaac had advised. If he had, he wouldn't be hurting so much now. Lesson learned, Johnny supposed.

A knock on the door brought him out of his reverie. "Are you hungry?"

It occurred to Johnny that he hadn't eaten much all day. "Yeah, I guess."

"I'll start dinner." Diane answered through the door. There was a brief pause before she spoke again. "Are you okay in there?"

"Yep." Johnny replied absently. "Be out in a while."

By the time he got out and started moving around some more, he felt somewhat better and was looking forward to whatever Diane was making.

She was at the stove, humming along to the radio, her hair in a ponytail at the base of her neck, barefoot in a pair of jeans and one of his shirts. How she managed to make it look so good was beyond him, but he didn't mind sharing it with her.

He moved to nuzzle her neck, and she turned slightly in response. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah." Johnny rested his chin on her shoulder, feeling a little stab of guilt for snapping at her earlier. Diane deserved a hell of a lot better than what he'd been giving her.

"Good." She gave him a gentle nudge in his ribs. "A little food might improve your mood, too. Go have a seat and I'll dish up."

He returned to the living room and eased himself onto the couch, Diane not far behind with a pair of bowls filled with steaming, fragrant goodness. Before long Diane was unloading about her day, which only made Johnny miss being right in the thick of it all the more.

But there was something about this nearly nightly ritual that had become comforting. When he thought back to all those times he used to come home alone…well, it wasn't that he hated it, necessarily, but this was a hell of a lot better.

He was still reluctant to saddle Diane with all of this, not knowing what their future would look like, but he was loathe to so much as mention it. Not after all she'd done for him. They could be together for the rest of their lives and he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to make it up to her.

It had seemed so simple, even this morning, before the cast had been cut off. He and Diane were moving forward, starting to make plans, though nothing concrete as of yet. Just kicking around some ideas. Now, he was less sure.

"Johnny?" Diane had been talking, but Johnny had long since tuned out, lost in his own thoughts.

"Sorry, what?"

Diane looked mildly exasperated as she took his bowl and rose from the couch. "Never mind."

Johnny quickly grabbed his crutches and followed Diane into the kitchen, completely baffled. Clearly he had missed something while he was off in his own little world.

He came upon her filling the sinks and hesitated briefly before joining her on the rinse side, and they worked side by side in silence for a moment until she broke it. "What's going on with you today?"

"Nothing." Johnny shrugged.

Diane gave him a sideways glance. "Are you sure?"

Johnny huffed irritably. "Yeah. Now quit asking."

"I'll stop asking when you start being honest with me." Diane replied with equal sharpness.

Johnny placed the last dish in the drainer and leaned on the sink, concentrating on the water swirling down the drain.

"Johnny?" Diane asked, her tone gentler now.

He finally lifted his head and turned toward her. She was leaning on the sink with one hand, the other on her hip, just waiting.

"Just been thinking, that's all."

Diane's brow wrinkled ever so slightly. "About what?"

"I don't know. Kind of thinking we should, you know, hold off on getting hitched."

Diane folded her arms over her chest and leaned back against the sink. "Are you getting cold feet?"

"I'm not getting cold feet." Johnny replied, feeling his chest tightening. "I just think that maybe…look, I don't know. Maybe I'm not the one for you."

Diane sighed impatiently. "Okay, and what makes you say that?'

Johnny wanted to tell her everything, he really did, but he was finding it hard to put it all into words. "You deserve better than this." He ended up telling her.

"Why don't you let me be the judge of that?" Diane asked. "Unless you think I don't know my own mind."

"No, no, of course you do." Johnny found himself backpedaling a little. "I just mean…okay, let's say I can't recover enough to go back to what I was doing. Then what? You're stuck with someone who's pretty damn useless. Why would you want that?"

Diane unfolded her arms and stepped around Johnny, wrapping her arms around him from behind, her head against his back. "I thought I made it very clear that you were stuck with me. Did you forget?"

Johnny swallowed hard and blinked. "I don't want you to regret this."

"I don't think that I will." Diane answered. "I might worry when you're out there, but I won't regret being with you. And there's no hurry to get married. Let's get you all the way back on your feet first."

Johnny turned around, leaning against the sink and pulled Diane in close. "If I'm out there."

"When you're out there." Diane told him firmly. "You've come so far. No sense stopping now."

Johnny leaned down and gave her a quick kiss. "You're as bad as Isaac with the pep talks."

"Oh, hardly." Diane laughed.

"Well, you are prettier, I'll give you that." Johnny pointed out.

"Quite the compliment." Diane teased, and Johnny could feel his mood start to lift a little.

"You feel like making an early night of it?" Johnny asked.

"Hmm, I was going to ask you the same thing." Diane replied, her hands finding their way under Johnny's shirt.

They soon retired to the bedroom, and before long everything was stripped away between them, the two of them tangled up together in a way they hadn't been able to in months, deeply intimate and fierce and tender by turns.

Johnny lay awake for what seemed like a long time afterward, his body pressed against Diane's, one arm draped over her. The doubts were still there, but in the moment, he was willing to put them aside, he supposed, even if he didn't understand why she would want to stick with him. Who was he to push her away?