Full disclaimers in Chapter 1

ALERT: If you have not watched the show yet, there might be spoilers.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Rizzoli & Isles nor any of the characters from the show. I am writing this purely for entertainment, not profit. Rizzoli and Isles are property of Tess Gerritsen and TNT.

I am not a native English speaker, and I don't have a beta. So all mistakes are 100% mine.

Enough of disclaimers and warnings – read at your own risk. Reviews are always welcome!

Season 3 – Episode 5 – "Throwing Down the Gauntlet"

They had managed to cheer Giovanni a bit before he finally left.

"I wonder how his head fit in this room. President? Really?" Jane made a face.

"A body like that is a waste with a mind like that…" Maura admitted, dreamily.

Jane snapped her fingers to wake Maura up from her daydream.

"Hello? That is Giovanni we are talking about. Remember? No Giovanni for you."

"Yes, yes, I know. But it does not change the fact it is a complete waste."

Jane chuckled, before turning on her side to ask Maura, gently.

"How are you really doing?"

"I am not entirely sure." Maura hesitated.

"Why didn't you tell me you had been searching for Hope? You know I would have helped you…"

"I did a lot of things while we… we were apart. I had to keep myself… distracted…" Maura admitted.

"So what, you know this for a while already?"

"Several weeks. I…" Maura sighed. "It took time to process. I have been reading and re-reading everything I found about her. Every time it triggered something different, a different emotion, and I had to stop to… absorb it."

Jane had seen the whirlwind of emotions in Maura's face in the few minutes Jane was part of the interaction with Hope. Maura would look Hope from head to toes, bore her eyes staring into her watching as she spoke or as she moved. Jane could not even imagine what it was to have hoped to meet your biological mother your entire life and finally be face-to-face with her – and what feelings this would trigger given the convoluted context of Maura's birth.

"Did it help?"

"Not really. I still feel confused as hell. Although I think I should not have bothered. For her, I was a mistake."

"No, Maura. She said Paddy was evil – what we both know he was. And it must have been traumatic to a Harvard girl to find herself pregnant of a bad boy, to decide to go through pregnancy anyway, and then to be told the baby died at birth. It must have been a hell of a heartbreak for her. I am not surprised she tried to forget and didn't want to talk about it. But I don't think it was because she rejected the baby."

"Jane, her exact words were 'And the baby died at birth. It was terrible and traumatic. But maybe there was a reason that she didn't survive. See, her father was... evil.'" Maura's eyes were full of unshed tears.

"Maura, this sentence does not say she rejected the baby or thought it was the baby's fault or even that the baby was evil. If I was interrogating someone and got this sentence, you know what I would be concluding from it?"

"Concluding… You mean theorizing? Speculating? Guessing? Assuming?"

"Yes, whatever. I need to think of the different possibilities when reading the meaning of what people are not saying between the lines they are saying to me."

"Okay, so tell me, Detective Jane Clementine Rizzoli, what would be an alternative reading to Hope's statement?"

"That she felt losing the baby was a punishment for her mistake of falling for and getting herself pregnant by a very bad boy out of wedlock. It is, by the way, the simplest explanation."

Maura looked a bit more hopeful.

"You might be right. But meeting her did not make me feel like I am any closer to knowing who I am…"

"Dr. Maura Isles. Who your biological parents were do not define you. God, not even who your adoptive parents are define you. You are who you are. Goofy. Ridiculously smart. Gorgeous. Kind. Generous. Loyal. My best friend."

"I don't know, Jane. I am the daughter of the Irish Mafia Boss…"

"And also the daughter of a relief work smart and accomplished Doctor."

"I… I caught myself staring at her, you know? Looking her from head to toe. The way she moves. The way she speaks. The way she dresses. The inflection of her voice. The elegance with which she carries herself. How articulate and passionate she is about facts and science…"

"Interesting, you seem to be describing someone I know really well…" Jane teased gently.

"I do look like her, don't I?" Maura tilted her head, and Jane smiled at her gently before responding.

"You do. It is uncanny. At least now you know what you are going to look like if you keep using all those creams in your nightly routine."

"Jane!"

"Seriously! I don't look like my mother, so I can't know how I will look like as I grow older – except if I count looking like my father, what does not sound promising." Jane chuckled, trying to lighten the mood.

"Yes… my looks were the first tell tale about me being adopted when it came to the outside world."

"Was it how you found out you were adopted?"

"Oh, no, my parents always told me I was adopted. I don't think they believed in hiding that truth from me. And they could have, for a while at least, since the only things they didn't have were pictures of my mother pregnant with me, but since I was adopted a few days after being born, they had pictures of every other phase of my life."

"It was not a piece of information I advertised. I mean… I did at first, when I was really little, because at first it sounded really interesting and different. But the reaction I got was not what I expected. Kids would look at me. They would compare my looks with my mother and father. And they would use the fact I was adopted to justify my other oddities. So I stopped volunteering that info very early on. As time evolved, people would find anyway. My parents are both dark haired like you. And I was always light and fair. And I don't look at all like any of them. After I went to boarding school it became easier, since parents were not around that much to be compared against."

"Are you planning to tell your parents that besides finding your biological father you also now know who your biological mother is?"

"No, not yet. I have no intention to let Hope know she is my biological mother. And under that assumption, the less people who know, the better. I already asked your mother to keep this quiet and not to comment about it, and I know you will not tell until we agree to."

"Don't you think keeping this fact from Hope will come back to haunt you?"

"Jane, I have every intention to keep this quiet forever."

"Maura. You can't lie. If you plan to have any interactions with Hope – and it seems she wants it too, and I can see no reason for you not to want too – you know sooner or later that information will surface."

"I suppose." Maura sighed, holding the bridge of her nose between her thumb and index fingers. "But I need to find the best moment to tell her. Maybe after we know each other better I would feel more comfortable about sharing something that is so personal to me?"

"Take your time, I don't mean you tell her today. Just think how you would feel if someone you knew would have kept an important information like that from you. Just don't wait so long that when you tell her it feels you've been deliberately hiding it from her."

"What in a way is what I am doing…"

"You are not doing it to hurt her. You are doing it trying to protect her."

"Or trying to protect myself…"

"It is going to be alright, Maura. You know if worst comes to pass, you are already part of a family that loves you very much: the Rizzoli clan!"

They both chuckled.