A/N: Characters belong to Janet Evanovich. No cats were harmed in this story. Precautions were taken to protect the precious felines.
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I was sitting in my cubical, minding my own business, when Tank called me into his office. "Now, what did I do?" I mumbled to myself. When I arrived at his door, I knocked.
"Enter," Tank shouted.
Cautiously, I opened the door. "You called?" I sassed. Maybe it was bold of me, but I enjoyed the resulting smile. Tank motioned for me to close the door and sit in the chair beside Lester Santos.
"Steph, I'm heading to Atlanta with Ranger to sort a staffing issue," Tank replied.
"And?" I asked, prompting him to continue the story when he stopped talking. Lester snickered in the seat beside me. I glared at my friend. He dropped the blank face in place and waited for Tank to drop the proverbial bomb.
"Since Rex resides on the control floor, I want you to move into my house temporarily to cat-sit." Tank had to be joking. There's no way he'd want me to watch his precious felines. "Stay-Puft would love to have you watching him," Tank added. The aforementioned cat was pure white and long-haired. I jokingly called it Stay-Puft when Tank adopted him. The name stuck. It was better than Princess, Kitty, Cutie-Pie and Precious. Who the hell names their male cat Precious? Tank, that's who.
"Are you sure? I could barely take care of myself," I asked.
"You took excellent care of Rex. I trust you with my cats," Tank replied. Should I tell him that Rex is the fourth one? Nah. He doesn't need to know. Lester snorted. He was with me when I purchased my newest version of Rex. Hamsters had a lifespan of four years. The previous one lived a full life. I guess that only happened because he wasn't literally scared to death like his predecessors. Living at Rangeman likely extended his life.
I looked at Lester for advice. He shrugged, leaving it as my decision. "Could Lester help?"
"Of course," Tank replied. "Please, Steph. I don't want to worry about them while I'm gone."
"How long?"
Tank thought for a few minutes before replying, "Four weeks." It was a long time for me to be away from Carlos, but Rangeman Atlanta struggled to maintain the level of service as the other branches. I reviewed their finances and staff. The Atlanta office was like a leaky gas line. You don't notice the problem until someone lights a match. I had sent Carlos the report several hours earlier. Even though I knew the visit was inevitable, I was sad that Carlos didn't inform me first.
"Okay. Lester and I will watch your precious felines," I said. Tank sighed in relief. "Would you like us to send you videos?"
"No. I can link into the camera feed whenever I want," Tank said. Huh. Lester and I would need Hector to work around the system. With what I got planned, Tank would never ask me to cat-sit again. Hehehe. Tank promised to email a list of instructions to care for the cats. I could only imagine how detailed he would make the cat-care package.
Lester and I exited Tank's office a few minutes later. "Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Lester asked.
"Maybe?" I replied, unsure if he was on the same wavelength. He looked around to ensure we didn't get overheard. Lester bent down to whisper. I grinned as he explained his thoughts. "Lester, my friend. We are thinking exactly the same thing."
"I thought so," he replied, grinning. "Operation: Cats Rule."
I giggled as I returned to my cubicle. Before I sat in the chair, Carlos said, "Babe, a word?" I rolled my eyes and stopped my downward motion. Carlos grabbed my hand and entwined our fingers. He lifted them to kiss my knuckles.
To the outsider, Carlos and I would appear to be dating. However, the Rangeman Trenton staff knew we got married. I hadn't talked to my mother after the fiasco at dinner three months earlier. She invited Joe Morelli for dinner the night after I caught him in bed with Terry Gilman. Mom wanted me to ignore his cheating ways. It was the Burg rule, after all.
I was surprised when Carlos guided me to the elevator. He pressed the button for the seventh floor, then pulled me tightly against his chest. "Were you planning to tell me?" I asked.
"Babe," Carlos sighed. Okay, so he was going to inform me of the change in location for the month. Why couldn't I go with him? His hands rested on my abdomen. Ah. Right. How could I forget?
We arrived at our apartment. "Do you think it would take the full month?" I asked.
"Yes," he sadly replied. "I'm afraid we have to cut ties with our Atlanta branch. The manager got focused on the wrong business ventures. They spend more time and energy on the BEA department than securing businesses and homes."
"I was afraid of that. What about your brother? Where will he go?" Enrique sent me an email outlining his suspicions with the Atlanta management. He was too low on the totem pole to approach the branch manager.
"Enrique wants to work here. I'm not sure he could handle working where I am," Carlos explained.
"Are you worried about the disciplinary actions? You could get Lester, Bobby or Tank to take him to the mats when he gets out of line," I suggested. "Or he can be my bodyguard." Carlos smiled. He liked the idea of his family protecting me. "Send him here. I'll ensure he gets whipped into shape."
Carlos barked out laughter. "I'll call." I patiently waited while Carlos called his younger brother. He put the phone on speaker for me to hear both sides of the conversation.
"What do you want, asshole?" Enrique answered.
"Is that any way to talk to your sister-in-law?" I joked.
"Sorry, Steph. I didn't mean any disrespect. Why are you calling from my brother's phone?"
"She's not," Carlos replied.
"It's a two-for-one deal. Limited quantities for today only," I added. Enrique laughed at my response.
"Seriously, what do you want, Carlos?" Enrique asked.
"You in Trenton as Stephanie's bodyguard," Carlos replied.
"Sweet. Does that mean I don't have to work on monitor duty?" Enrique, like everyone else, hated watching the screens for unwanted guests at the companies or homes Rangeman secured."
"Unfortunately not," I replied. "However, I'll be your partner for that nasty, ass-numbing job."
"Hmm. I guess I could live with those terms. When should I leave this sinking ship?" Enrique asked.
"I booked you on the next flight to Trenton, New Jersey," Carlos replied. "You should receive the boarding pass in your Gmail account." Carlos ended the call before Enrique could thank him. Do any of the guys know phone etiquette?
"The remaining staff?" I asked.
"Not my problem. Enrique was the only man worthy of saving from that branch. I plan to sell the building and clients to the employees. They'll have to rename the company. Tank and I will meet with the clients to inform them of ownership," Carlos explained. He didn't need to provide as many details. "Tank and I are expecting blowback." That was why he didn't want me travelling to Atlanta with him.
I tugged his hand, guiding him to the bedroom. We made love before the alarm sounded. "I have to catch my flight," Carlos announced. "Tank and I are flying commercial. We're leaving the Rangeman jet for emergencies."
"Don't get shot."
"Don't go crazy, Babe," he replied. Carlos kissed my abdomen before leaving to get dressed. I watched his sexy naked ass disappear into the closet. He returned dressed for kicking ass. "I love you."
"I love you too, Carlos." When the apartment door closed, I got out of bed to shower. I got dressed in yoga pants and pulled on the shirt Carlos had removed before we had sex. It smelled of Bulgari and Carlos. I craved his scent.
My phone chimed with an email notification while I was in the elevator. I opened the cat-care instructions from Tank and burst out laughing. The doors opened on the fifth floor. "What's so funny?" Manny asked.
"Nothing," I snorted. He grabbed my phone to read the email.
"Woah. I'm glad Tank didn't ask me to watch the cats. That's a long ass list of instructions and rules. There's no freaking way I'd read the cats a bedtime story." Manny returned my phone and walked away laughing. I had no intention of reading to the cats at bedtime.
Lester waited at his desk for me to arrive. "Tank left me with the keys. It's time to change the cat litter." I checked my watch. Lester was right. It was kitty litter change time. With five cats, there had to be a lot of litter boxes to clean.
I followed Lester to the garage. He beeped open a Rangeman SUV. "Shit. I forgot to pack."
"Ella sent supplies to Tank's house for us. We don't have to take anything other than ourselves," Lester said. I was relieved that Ella had taken care of everything. Lester hit the fob to disable the cameras and listening devices that may be inside the vehicle. "Ella's making the costumes."
"Are you serious? That's awesome. I brought the gag gifts, too," I said, reaching into my purse. I showed Lester the tiaras, tutus and superhero costumes. "I hope Ella is making the others."
"She is," Lester replied. "Tell her what you already bought." I texted Ella with my list. She replied with many laughing emojis.
We arrived at Tank's house fifteen minutes later. Stay-Puft was sitting by the door, awaiting our arrival. He purred and rubbed against my leg when we entered the house. Princess was a tortoiseshell, but her face was mostly orange. She was adorable. Kitty was a pure black long-haired cat. Her fur looked shiny and silky. Kitty and Stay-Puft could pass as brother and sister. They were the same domestic breed in contrasting colours. Cutie-Pie was a Bengal. She resembled a leopard. Precious was a tuxedo cat. He even had a tuft of black fur resembling a bow tie. It was precious, hence the name.
"Litters first, dress up later," I announced. I went to the laundry room to clean the litter. Lester grabbed my hips and lifted me. "Put me down."
"No can do. You're not allowed to change the litter," Lester said. I was furious. How dare he tell me what to do!
"I can wear disposable gloves and wash my hands after," I attempted to reason.
"Nope. Not on my watch. Tank agreed to let me help because Carlos told him the news," Lester said. "Nobody wants to risk your exposure to toxoplasma." I knew toxoplasma gondii was a parasitic infection that gets transmitted through cat poop.
"So why did Tank want me to watch the cats if it put me in danger?" I asked.
"He didn't trust me to do it alone," Lester confessed. What did Lester do that was so bad? "I shaved Cutie-Pie to see if the spots were skin deep." I burst out laughing.
"Well? Are they?" I asked between giggles.
"Yes. Bengals are the only domestic cat with rosette spots. I read somewhere that cats inherited the trait from their leopard ancestors. Tank was livid. He refused to let me cat-sit without supervision," Lester confessed.
"Why didn't you google it? I'm sure you could've got the answer that way."
"I did, which is how I discovered the trait."
"Ah. I get it now. You wanted to see it for yourself," I reasoned. Lester tapped his nose. "I'll fill the food and water dishes. You clean the litter."
After the cats ate their dry food, I gave them a few treats. Tank didn't like feeding his cats Temptations, but he wasn't here to stop me. Besides, I could always pull out the big guns. I mean, the tears. Lester and I dressed the cats in tutus and princess tiaras. I took photos while Lester recorded them running around the house.
Lester's phone alarm sounded. "Steph, help me get these off the cats," he said, panicking.
"Why?" I wondered. Lester explained the airplane landed in Georgia. We had fifteen minutes before Tank connected to the internal cameras. Fewer if he checked when the plane landed. We laughed as Precious took off. He wouldn't let me remove the tutu. "I hope Precious stays hidden while Tank is looking."
"Oh?" Lester asked. I noticed the indicator light for the camera in the corner turned green. Tank was watching us. Lester laughed when I whispered. I excused myself to use the washroom. My bladder couldn't handle the changes in my body.
I found Precious hiding in the shower. Thankfully, Tank didn't have cameras inside the bathrooms. When the washroom door got left open, Tank could adjust the camera to see inside the room. I emptied my bladder before removing the tutu from Precious. He barked in complaint. "I know, sweetie. But your human wouldn't like you wearing the pink ruffles," I whispered. Precious rubbed against my chin before strutting toward the door. His tail was erect yet resembling a question mark. I scratched behind his ears, tucked the tutu beneath my shirt, then opened the door. The camera outside the door showed it was active. I finger-waved at Tank before joining Lester on the couch.
When the camera's light indicator turned red, I sent the photos and video to Tank and Carlos. My phone rang a few minutes later. "Hello. Do you miss me?" I singsonged when I saw Tank's number.
"What have you done to my cats, little girl?" Tank demanded.
"Nothing. Your cats wanted me to dress them in pretty pink tutus," I replied. I could hear Carlos laughing in the background.
"My cats don't wear clothes," Tank growled.
"I beg to differ," I replied, then called Precious. I changed the call to video so Tank could watch us live. Precious jumped onto my lap. I pulled the pink tutu from beneath my shirt. The cat purred and pushed his head through the tutu. He moved until it wrapped below his front paws. "Precious loves the frilly tutu."
"Take it off him now," Tank ordered. I reached for the fabric. Precious hissed before running away. "Why me?" I laughed when he used my mom's favourite question.
"I told you Precious liked his tutu," I said, laughing. Carlos laughed harder. I could see him wipe the tears from his eyes. "I'll take it off him later, Tank. Don't worry so much. Lester and I will take excellent care of your babies."
Lester and I behaved for the next week. When Tank felt confident that we weren't going to dress his cats in clothes, we put the Batman costume on Kitty. Stay-Puft wore the Wonder Woman costume. I showed Precious the other costumes. He chose Spider-Man. Princess wore the Superman costume, leaving Cutie-Pie to wear the Flash. The cats looked adorable. Lester and I knew Tank and Carlos were busy in meetings. We covered toys in catnip and watched the cats chase each other around the house. I couldn't stop laughing.
While we dressed the cats, I got Hector to remotely access the house cameras to record the cats racing around higher than a kite. It was too funny. Precious decided to roll around on his toy, spreading the catnip on his Spider-Man costume. Cutie-Pie chased after him.
A few days later, we dressed Cutie-Pie, Princess and Kitty as the ghostbusters. Cutie-Pie was Egon Spengler. Princess was Louis Tully, and Kitty was Ray Stantz. Stay-Puft was dressed as his namesake, while Precious was Slimer. I was surprised when Tank laughed at the costumes. He claimed I had captured their personalities. Well, that ruined the fun.
I went to the office to clear some searches off my desk. Ella gave me a bag containing more costumes. "Oh my gosh. Those are adorable. How did you get them?" I asked.
"I made the uniforms while Hector fabricated the rest using fibreglass and thick plastic straws," Ella explained. "The other costume set will be ready next week."
"Sweet. In time for Tank to come home?" I asked. Ella nodded. I could hardly wait. Lester arrived when Ella left. He peeked inside the bag and laughed.
"Are we doing that tonight?" he asked.
"You bet we are. I can hardly wait to see Tank's reaction."
Lester and I ate dinner at Rangeman before driving to Tank's house. He opened the door, finding the five cats waiting for us. "Do they know?" Lester stage whispered.
"They must. Though, I'm not sure how," I replied. Precious lunged for the bag. "Are you excited, Precious? I have something special for you." I removed the football jersey and helmet. Precious purred as I pulled the shirt over his head and his paws through the sleeves. He even let me attach the football helmet to his head. I gave him a few treats as a reward.
"Which one was Tank's number?" Lester asked.
"Thirty-four. I put the jersey on Kitty," I replied. He grinned and helped me finish dressing the cats. I sent Carlos a text asking if Tank was available. He replied that Tank was in his office alone.
"Yo," Tank answered when I called. He sounded depressed.
"Hey, big guy. Is everything okay?" I asked.
"We made our announcement to the staff an hour ago. The sale is official. Carlos and I are heading home next week," he replied. "I miss my cats. Seeing them on video isn't helping."
"I've got something to cheer you up. Pull up the cameras on your laptop," I ordered. I waited for a few minutes before hearing Tank's booming laugh.
"Thanks, little girl. Wait! Is Kitty wearing a replica of my high school football jersey?"
"She sure is. Precious is wearing Ranger's number seven. I put Hal's number nine on Stay-Puft. Cal's number twenty-one on Cutie-Pie," I replied.
"Princess is wearing sixty-nine," Tank said, laughing. I glared at Lester and confessed it was his idea. "Have you and Lester had your fun?"
"Yes. Lester and I are not going to dress the cats in any more costumes before you get home," I replied.
"Do you promise?" Tank asked.
"Absolutely," I replied. It was the truth. Lester and I weren't dressing the cats in more costumes. We recruited Hector, Bobby, Manny and Ram to dress the cats. Ella, Luis, Lester and I were installing temporary tracks on the living room ceiling for our next trick. I couldn't wait to see Tank's expression when he got home.
Carlos texted when their plane landed in Newark. It would take about an hour for them to get home. Lester and I high-fived when Hector showed us the tracks he installed in the living room. The cats could move around the furniture on their hind legs. We weren't harming the cats in any way. They loved running around, wearing the harnesses Ella made.
Hector and the others dressed the cats in SWAT gear. They attached knee pads and other rubber armour to their bodies. I thought they looked adorable. Hector surprised me by adding small radios to the costumes. "Where did you get those?" I asked.
"I made them," he replied. I shook my head and let him get to work.
Tank arrived five minutes after everything was ready. "Tank, cover the back," Precious's radio announced.
"Ten-four, boss," came the reply from Princess.
"Enemy sighted," Kitty added.
Carlos listened to his words coming from the radio attached to Precious. The sound of Tank, Lester, Bobby, Cal's and Ram's voices echoed in response. Carlos tipped his head back and laughed. "What's the operative name?" Tank's voice asked from the radio.
"Operation: Cats Rule," Lester's voice replied from the radio.
I pressed the button to release the box containing the cat treats. The cats walked around the furniture, guided by the tracks to reach their destination. "Little girl, remember that payback's a bitch," Tank reminded me.
"True, but I doubt you'd hurt your nephew," I replied, rubbing my stomach. The doctor told me the gender when I asked. Thankfully, my son cooperated. Carlos cried when I revealed we were having a boy.
"Enemy neutralized," Ranger's voice echoed in the room from the radio.
"Mission was a success," Tank's voice replied.
"Operation: Cats Rule completed. Proud of you, team."
I couldn't stop the snort from escaping. We stood inside Tank's apartment, where his cats wore SWAT gear. They looked adorable carrying their plastic weapons and wearing the CAT boots on their back paws.
"Okay, Tank. Let's get the cats out of their gear," Lester suggested.
We laughed as Tank chased Precious to remove his costume. "I told you, Tank. Precious likes to wear clothes." Everyone laughed and repeated that Cats Rule.