A/N: I'm cross-posting this fic originally published on AO3, largely for the purposes of sharing that another Red Queen fan and I are considering starting a RQ-focused Discord server, for chatting about the series and sharing fics, but also potentially for hosting events (like fic exchanges, challenges, etc). At the moment, we're just trying to gauge whether there's any interest in this, so if you would be interested, please let me know in the comments, or send me a PM to let me know!

Warning: The first chapter deals with the aftermath of someone being drugged, but there's no assault or anything that happens with that. If this is something that bothers you, you can skip to chapter 2 - it won't be brought up in any of the remaining chapters.

Cal is surprised when he reaches the edge of the airfield and doesn't find Mare waiting for him as she'd promised. They've been doing this back and forth for a while now, and she's never failed to meet him when she said she would. There have been times where she's had other commitments, but she'd always been clear about that. So her absence immediately raises his anxieties, making him worry more than a little bit.

Farley is there to meet him instead, which he doesn't find even remotely reassuring. They've built up a solid friendship now, but he can't help but wonder if her presence is because she knows him better than any of the Barrows or because they are not available.

Cal feels bone weary as he climbs into Farley's small transport and under other circumstances he would be ready to fall asleep the moment his head hits a pillow, but his anxiety keeps him keyed up. He notices right away that she does not turn down the road that leads up the mountain toward the Barrows' house.

"There was an… incident ," Farley says as she drives, making his worry spike sharply, but she continues before he can interrupt and ask any questions. "She's fine now, Sara took care of her, but it took a lot out of her and she's still recovering."

"Farley, what happened?" he presses, determined to find out the details before they reached their destination.

"They think she was drugged," she says quietly, and he gets the sense that she's quiet half because she feels like it'll somehow be less upsetting to him and half because the situation makes her feel unpleasantly vulnerable.

He feels his blood boiling and he clenches his fists on his knees so hard that his fingernails bite little crescents into his palms.

"She's okay, Cal ," Farley adds quickly, briefly reaching out to lay her hand over his fist. "Nothing else happened. It must have been just before she left for home, because she was fine when she got there. We're not sure it was meant for her, either."

He nods, trying to find comfort in her words and fight down the monster of rage that was clawing its way through his veins. She's okay, all things considered. Nothing else happened. But it could have, and he hates that. He hates that he wasn't here to protect her, even though he knows there's probably nothing he could have done about this. And even if Mare is perfectly capable of taking care of herself, he still wants to take care of her.

The transport pulls to a stop outside Ascendant's small military hospital. Cal practically bounds out of his seat, nearly stumbling in his haste, and pushes through the doors with his small duffel slung haphazardly over his shoulder. He knows Farley is following close behind him, but he doesn't really pay any attention to that. He casts his eyes around, looking for Mare or someone who can lead him to her, and on some level he's aware that he probably looks like a feral animal right now, but he doesn't care.

Farley's elbow bumps his and he turns toward her instinctively, and then follows as she starts walking wordlessly down one of the halls. The seconds stretch out agonisingly as they continue, and eventually they emerge into a waiting room that has all the Barrows except Mare's mother. Her father stares off into the distance, thinking about something only he knows, while her brothers fidget in their chairs. Gisa sits in a corner, tucked up small in her chair, carefully working on some scrap of embroidery to keep herself occupied. Kilorn is there too, sprawled out in one of the chairs with his head tipped back against the wall and his eyes closed. But judging by the way his fingers tap against his biceps, he's not asleep.

"Hey," Cal says lamely, unsure what to say to your girlfriend's family when she's in the hospital and you had no idea.

"Good to have you back," Daniel answers, and the rest all nod in concurrence. Nobody says anything else.

"Through that door," Farley whispers to him, gesturing to a pale aqua swinging door directly ahead of them. "Second room on the right."

"Thanks," he replies, a lump in his throat.

Without saying anything else, he moves towards the door and pushes through it, walking down the corridor and coming to a stop before the room Farley had indicated. Cal pauses, trying to collect himself and steady his nerves. Rationally, he knows that if Farley had told him that everything was fine now, he isn't about to walk into anything gruesome, but he can't help imagining that he is about to enter the room and find Mare on her deathbed, and the thought scares him out of his wits. Taking a deep breath, he turns the door handle and pushes it open slowly, poking his head inside.

Ruth sits in a chair by the window, her fingers working a set of knitting needles, but she looks up when she hears the door open. She offers him a small smile, but he barely sees it because his eyes are already on Mare.

She's lying in the hospital bed, fast asleep, her arms at her sides, and it looks so abnormal . Mare never sleeps like this, flat on her back – she always curls into him, her limbs draped over him and tangling with his. Her chest rises and falls steadily, the only thing that reassures him that she is, in fact, still alive. That, and the regular beeping of a machine that seems to monitor her heart.

"I'll leave you with her for a while," Ruth says softly, standing with her needles and yarn bundled in her arms. She pats his arm gently as she slips past him.

Cal takes her place in the chair by Mare's bed, dropping his duffel on the floor, and as he sits down exhaustion truly sets in, weighing down all his limbs. But it's not so much a physical, needing-sleep exhaustion, as it is his entire soul feeling too heavy to carry right now. With his elbows resting on his knees, he scrubs his hand over his face, trying to brush away the tiredness and summon some modicum of energy.

"'M I dreamin'?" Mare slurs, and he looks up to find her eyes blinking slowly, groggy with sleep and the lingering effects of whatever she'd been dosed with.

He scoots the chair closer to the bed and reaches out to brush her hair back from her face. "No, I'm here."

"Good," she answers. " Imissedyou ."

Even if the words are blurred together, they still make his heart leap in his chest like an absolute idiot, and he can't suppress the small smile that curves the corner of his lips.

"I missed you too," he says, letting his thumb brush over her cheek. "Fuck, Mare, I'm so sorry."

She struggles, trying to push herself up so she's sitting properly and blinking rapidly to clear the fog from her mind. It takes her a few minutes, but when she makes eye contact with him again, her brown eyes seem clearer and her speech is no longer slurred.

"It's not your fault, Cal," she answers with a frown, covering his hand with her own.

"I know, I know. I just… I hate that this happened to you," he replies, his voice quiet.

She gives him a small, sad smile. "I'm alright, really. I'm just tired, and groggy. And mad. And kind of shaken." Her last words are faint, the softest admission, said only because it's him , and even still she squeezes his hand as she says them.

He nods. "What can I do? What do you need?"

"Come here?" She pulls his hand away from his face and tugs on it until he stands and steps closer to the bed.

She scoots over as far as she can and her meaning clicks. Cal glances at the door as a flush rises on his cheeks.

"Mare, your parents…"

"Can deal with it," she finishes, tugging on his hand again, more insistently.

He looks at the door again, hesitating. But then he looks back at her and he has neither the strength nor the desire to argue or refuse her. He sits down next to her and swings his legs onto the bed. A moment later, Cal is laying comfortably on the hospital bed – or as comfortable as possible given that it is far too small for him – with Mare pressed up against him. Her head rests on his shoulder and her hand is placed just over his heart and he loves it. He has loved sleeping beside her every minute since the first time she crawled into his bed at the Notch.

Mare falls back asleep in a matter of moments, and Cal starts to feel himself drifting off too, his initial exhaustion combined with the roller coaster of emotions taking its toll on him. Before he falls asleep though, he makes a decision. He's tired of spending so much time away from Mare, tired of missing things and not being there for her the way he wants to. He wants to spend more of his nights like this – minus the hospital part – and not lying alone across the continent, thinking about her. He'll still have to make trips back to the Nortan States periodically, but it's time he started taking a step back. It's time for Cal to make Montfort his home.