A/N: I'm cross-posting this fic originally published on AO3, largely for the purposes of sharing that another Red Queen fan and I are considering starting a RQ-focused Discord server, for chatting about the series and sharing fics, but also potentially for hosting events (like fic exchanges, challenges, etc). At the moment, we're just trying to gauge whether there's any interest in this, so if you would be interested, please let me know in the comments, or send me a PM to let me know!

He's so excited he's practically vibrating as the jet bounces on the tarmac. He'd been tired when they left Archeon, and he hadn't slept at all on the flight, despite his best efforts, so now he is more than a little exhausted, but none of that matters. He can't wait to be home.

Cal bounds off the jet before anyone else, walking briskly across the airfield until he reaches the gate, casting his eyes around in search of the Barrows' car. Daniel is there to get him this time, waiting in the Barrows' little red transport. He looks up from the newspaper he'd brought with him when Cal opens the door, and they greet each other with warm smiles.

As they drive through the streets of Ascendant, Cal seems to be full of excited energy, unable to sit still even in such a small space. Daniel can't help but chuckle at him.

"It's your first time away from them, right?" he asks, though he already knows the answer.

Cal nods.

"It's always difficult to leave them, but coming home is something wonderful," Daniel muses, a bit forlorn.

"I can't imagine having to be away from them for longer," Cal answers, thinking about how difficult it must have been for his father-in-law to leave his wife and child behind to return to war. "Just a few days feels suffocating."

Daniel only hums in reply, and for a heartbeat Cal wonders if he said too much. Even though he and Mare have been married for some time now, and together even longer, he's heard that fathers have a harder time letting go of daughters, and he feels like he's constantly balancing between making sure Daniel sees how much he loves her and not reminding him that she's not his little girl anymore. But eventually he smiles and glances toward his son-in-law.

"I'm sure Mare will be happy to have you home," Daniel says.

"Hopefully. Although I'm sure Ruth has been more helpful with the baby than I am," Cal quips in reply. He's mostly joking, since he thinks he's been decent at the whole father thing so far, but still… there's something about mothers that he'll never be able to match.

They roll to a stop in front of their house, and Cal quickly grabs his things and opens the door of the transport, eager to get inside and back to his family. But he pauses before he turns away, noticing that Daniel hasn't moved.

"You should come inside for a bit," he offers, thinking that it should go without saying that his father-in-law was always welcome.

"That's alright, but thank you, Cal," Daniel answers. "Go, enjoy being back with your family."

Cal hesitates, but then he nods. "Thank you for picking me up."

"Anytime."

Cal closes the door of the transport and takes a step back, forcing himself to wait until Daniel pulls away and starts driving off before he bounds up to the front door of his house.

He opens the door quietly, resisting the urge to call out to Mare. Instead, he pokes his head into the living room and finds her sitting on the sofa, quietly folding laundry.

"Hi," he says, and she jumps a little as her head whips around, but the second she sees him, her face lights up with a smile.

She jumps up from the sofa and bounds across the room, launching herself into his arms and wrapping her arms around his neck. "Hi. I missed you."

"I missed you too," he answers, grinning from ear to ear.

He nudges his nose against her cheek, prompting her to lift her head enough for him to kiss her properly. Cal sets her feet on the ground, moving one hand to her waist and the other to cradle her cheek, tilting her head to the side a little. His kisses are sweet, like he's whispering how much he missed her against her lips. He seeks nothing but her affection, all unhurried touches. He presses a few more kisses against her cheeks before pulling away slightly.

"Where's Shade?" he asks, looking around the room.

"He's sleeping, but –"

Cal immediately steps out of her arms, but Mare is quick to grab his hand, none of her lightning quick reflexes lost since they first met.

"He'll still be there in a few hours," she assures him. "You're exhausted. Go lie down for a bit, I promise I'll wake you when he's up."

Cal considers her words for a minute, but he knows she's lying. If he falls asleep, she won't wake him. Sleep is still so difficult for him, and he knows that she tries never to wake him if she can help it. But even if he knew she would… he doesn't want to wait a few more hours. He wants to see his son now.

"I'll be right back," he swears, giving her his most sincere expression. "And then I'll lie down, I promise. You can even join me."

She snorts at his seduction, before turning more serious. "If you wake him, Cal, I swear…"

"I know, I know," he says dismissively, pulling his hand out of hers. " You wake him, you take him . I won't, I promise."

He flashes her a smile that makes her melt a little, and presses a quick kiss to her cheek before darting down the hall. Cal reaches the door of the nursery and pushes it open – a tiny bit at first, making sure that it doesn't creak, and then more, until at last he is able to slip inside. He kneels beside the cradle first, telling himself that he is content just to look at his son – count all ten fingers and all ten toes, watch his little chest rise at fall with sleepy breaths. He doesn't know what Mare looked like as a baby, but he imagines it was much like this. Shade has her deep golden-tawny skin and rosebud-pink lips. He might have his nose, it's hard to tell.

Within minutes, Cal feels an overwhelming urge to hold the baby, and he simply can't resist. He stands and carefully reaches into the cradle, lifting his son as gently as possible and trying not to wake him. Shade squirms, wriggling in Cal's hands, waving his arms and kicking at the blanket wrapped around him. His tiny pink lips part in a yawn, and then he scrunches up his face, his cheeks growing a tinge darker as he prepares to wail. Cal quickly hushes him, transferring the tiny baby to the crook of his elbow so he is more secure as he bounces softly. This still feels strange to him, the light rocking movements that perfectly soothe his son, but he does his best.

After a moment, Shade seems to settle, one little fist closing around the corner of his blanket as his face grows calm once more. Slowly, his almond-shaped eyes blink open, showing deep green irises, so different from either of his parents. When he had first opened his eyes, Cal had been surprised by the colour – bronze and blue ran in his family, and Mare's family all had brown eyes except for Shade. Kilorn had joked that the baby must be his after all, earning him a pillow thrown at his head by Mare, who had insisted that babies' eyes often change. But Ruth had gotten even more misty-eyed, and softly whispered that her own mother had green eyes, as deep as the heart of the forest.

Cal walks over to the rocking chair and sits down, adjusting his position until he is comfortable. He keeps his eyes fixed on his son, examining his face. Shade is only six weeks old now, but already he has changed so much since he was born, and Cal finds it utterly fascinating. The way his cheeks are fuller now and his eyes are more focused. He runs his hand over Shade's head, fingers brushing over his soft brown hair.

"Hey there, little one," he whispers, smiling as Shade's eyes snap to his face at the sound of his voice. "It's your dad. I haven't seen you for a few days. I missed you. Were you good for your mom?"

Shade lifts his hand, opening and closing his fingers as he reaches for his father's face. Obligingly, Cal drops a kiss to the tiny palm, and Shade gurgles happily in response. His little baby fingers continue to roam across Cal's face, grabbing at his nose and cheeks and a particularly unruly curl of hair.

Cal shifts in the chair, valiantly fighting against the exhaustion that washes over him. He doesn't want to stop holding his son, or even stop looking at him. He's just so perfect . Cal thought he would get used to it, but he hasn't. He was absolutely awestruck when Shade was born, unable to believe that he and Mare had made such a tiny, perfect person, and he thought that the feeling of awe would fade, but looking at his son's face… every time he just feels completely amazed.

Shade yawns, little nose scrunching as one fist rubs across his cheek.

"Tired, little one?" Cal asks, shifting the baby in his arms. "Me too."

He leans back, placing his son against his chest, one hand at the boy's back and the other cradling his head. Slowly, Cal begins to rock the chair back and forth, softly humming a lullaby. He feels Shade's body relax into sleep within minutes, and not long after, he starts to drift off himself.

When Mare pokes her head in to check on them barely ten minutes later, she is unsurprised to find both her husband and her son fast asleep in the rocking chair. The sight leaves a warm feeling in her stomach, not unlike the feeling she gets when Cal spreads his palm against her back and bleeds warmth into her skin. She stands in the doorway for a bit, content to watch the two of them together for a while longer. The moment is so sweet, and she doesn't want to disturb it by breaking them apart, even though she knows that she should put Shade back in his crib and get Cal into bed.

Mare allows herself another moment of observation from the doorway before her mind overrules her heart. She steps into the nursery, very gently extracting Shade from his father's arms. He fusses a little, but the moment his back hits the mattress, he falls straight back to sleep again.

Cal blinks slowly at the loss of the baby's weight against his chest. When they focus on Mare, his eyes look a mixture of sleepy and betrayed, as though to ask how she could dare put their son back in the cradle.

She takes his hand, tugging at it. "Come on, Cal. You're exhausted. Come to bed."

He opens his mouth to object, but then he sighs, nodding. "Okay."

But still, even as she leads him from the nursery, he hesitates, looking back at the crib where their son lies fast asleep. A look of longing passes over his features, and she knows the feeling well – sometimes it is so hard to be even a few feet away from Shade and not holding him in her arms. But at this particular moment, she wants to hold her husband.

"He'll be here when you wake up," she tells him. "He'll probably be the reason you wake up."

"Gladly."

He drops her hand as they get close to their bed so he can strip off his shirt, and then he crawls under the blankets, too tired to bother changing the rest of his clothes. Mare slides into the bed next to him, and Cal immediately pulls her close. Their limbs tangle together as they curl into each other. He begins to drift off again right away, lulled to sleep by her proximity and the calming caress of her fingers brushing through his hair.