A/N: I'm cross-posting this fic originally published on AO3, largely for the purposes of sharing that another Red Queen fan and I are considering starting a RQ-focused Discord server, for chatting about the series and sharing fics, but also potentially for hosting events (like fic exchanges, challenges, etc). At the moment, we're just trying to gauge whether there's any interest in this, so if you would be interested, please let me know in the comments, or send me a PM to let me know!

He's been gone a month and she hates it. She misses him more than she'd like to admit to anyone and being on her own with Shade has been more than a little bit trying. Part of her hates feeling like she needs him, like she's not a good parent on her own, but she also knows that it's silly to feel that way. She's not a bad parent when she's alone, but they both work better as a team, and she feels better when she has his support. So after four weeks apart and no sign that he's coming back anytime soon, Mare decides that she can't wait anymore. She needs to see him.

Her parents agree to watch Shade for a few days while she's gone. They have Clara anyway, and they insist that it's easier with two little ones, even though Clara isn't very little anymore. It's the first time she's truly been away from him since he was born, not just having her parents watch him for a night while she and Cal have some time alone in their house, but really, properly going away. And she knows that it's dangerous. Cal is helping with another rebellion, and she knows that it's possible that she might not make it back, or that both of them might not. The combination makes her anxious, and it's almost enough to make her change her mind about going, but not quite. She misses him too much.

She wonders if that makes her selfish, leaving her son behind because she misses her husband. But whether it is or not, she tries not to judge herself for how she feels about Cal anymore – her feelings are what they are, and she can't change them. If it makes her selfish, so be it.

She feels anxious the entire time she's on the jet, and she can't stop moving, no matter how hard she tries. She even tries to focus on the electricity coursing through the jet to distract and soothe herself, but it doesn't work. Nothing is going to make her feel better except Cal. The flight is long and boring. There's nobody she knows, and she's not really in the mood to make friends. So instead she sits, closing her eyes and trying to doze, but sleep won't come. By the time the jet lands, Mare's exhausted and wound up, and all she can think about is finding Cal as soon as possible.

She's not sure why she expected him to be at the airfield when he has no idea that she's coming, but it doesn't stop a small wave of disappointment from cresting in her stomach. Mare pushes it down quickly, focusing on trying to find Cal as quickly as possible. A few large transports are waiting to take them to the city, but once she's there, Mare has no idea where to start looking. She's never been to Pitarus before, and everything is unfamiliar. But the transports drop them at the military base at the edge of the city, and it can't be too hard to find her husband here. Cal would most likely have insisted on sleeping in the barracks with the other soldiers, so she decides that's the best place to start.

Mare walks through the unfamiliar streets, following the thin tide of soldiers and hoping that they'll lead her where she's looking to go. She could probably stop and ask someone – Cal is fairly recognizable after all – but she'd rather not. For some reason, she doesn't really want anyone else to know she's here.

"Mare?"

She swears under her breath, but turns to see who called her name. When her eyes land on Ada, she lets out a sigh of relief. Ada will be content with a little bit of small talk and then let her go on her way, and not be compelled to chat for too long.

"Did I know you were coming?" Ada asked, frowning. "I don't remember seeing your name in the list of the arriving troop."

"No, I… I'm not here in a troop or anything," Mare answers, shaking her head. She almost said that she's not here to fight, but that sounds terrible. And truth be told, if a fight breaks out, there's not a person in Norta who would be able to keep her out of it. "I hopped on last minute, just hitching a ride really."

"Of course," Ada says, nodding gracefully. Though she doesn't say anything else, it's clear in her tone that she understands well enough why Mare is here. "Do you need help finding anything? Can I show you around?"

"No, I don't want to take up your time right now," she replies. "If you could just point me in the direction of the barracks?"

"He's actually in an officers' house." Ada smiles at the surprise that flits across her features. She starts walking down one of the streets, leaving Mare to follow. "It's a small base, and we have more soldiers than we can house in standard accommodations. Even some of the houses had to be converted to barracks. So there's no room to make exceptions and put officers in with the soldiers. We need every bed."

"If space is so limited, shouldn't officers be sharing too?" Mare observes.

"They are, in the larger houses," Ada assures her. "But Cal is in a smaller one. It's just down here, number 43."

"Thank you," Mare says, reaching out to give Ada a quick hug. "It's good to see you again."

"You too, Mare."

She sets off down the street in the direction that Ada pointed, and her heart starts hammering the closer she gets. She's not sure why, but she feels oddly nervous. By the time she stands outside of the beige house with its bright yellow door, Mare is practically bubbling over with anxiety. But she raises her hand and knocks on the sunny door.

A moment later, the door opens, and Cal stands in front of her, wearing a confused expression. Her heart stops and her breath catches, and damn, she forgot how beautiful he is. Well, not forgot exactly but… whenever they are apart for a while and she sees him again, it's like she's nineteen again. And when his eyes land on her and become absolutely radiant, and a smile spreads across his face, she feels like she might burst with love for him.

"Mare? What are you doing here?" he asks, incredulity colouring his voice.

"I missed you," she admits, stepping forward to throw her arms around his neck.

Cal responds immediately, his hands sliding around her waist and pulling her close as he snuggles his face against the crook of her neck.

She holds him close, savouring the moment with him.

He steps backward, pulling her inside the little house with him, and once the door is shut to the outside world, his lips are everywhere. He kisses her nose, her eyelids, her cheeks, her lips, then trails his mouth down the side of her neck. His hands roam just as freely, covering every available inch of her body.

"I can't believe you're here," he murmurs, tugging her closer. "I missed you so damn much."

Cal freezes, leaning back with a frown on his face as something occurs to him.

"Wait, why are you here?" he asks. "I mean, I'm glad you are but… Did something happen? Is something wrong?"

Mare lets out a soft laugh and runs her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. He's shorn it short again, and she misses his curls.

"The only thing wrong is how long you've been away," she tells him, following her words with a shrug. "I missed you, so I figured I would come visit."

He hums, delighted by her answer. Cal slides his hand down her arm and laces his fingers together with hers. He steps into the living room, pulling her with him as he grins.

Mare looks around – Ada was right, the house is small. The front door had opened into a hallway that made it seem larger, but from the living, she could tell it really wasn't that much larger than her family's house in the Stilts, though it's certainly nicer. The living room is one open space with the kitchen, divided only by a countertop, and above them is a loft and, she assumes, a bathroom. Cal drops down onto the couch, and Mare follows him, sitting down right on his lap. She isn't here for long, and she intends to take advantage of every minute.

"How's Shade doing?" he asks, and frankly, she's impressed that he managed a whole five minutes before asking.

"He's good," she tells him with a smile. "He misses you. He's been asking when you're coming home a lot the last few days."

Cal frowns.

She hadn't meant the statement to be a dig at him, but suddenly she sees how it might come across as an accusation. Like it's his fault for being gone for so long. Like he's a bad father because of it.

"We both just miss you, that's all," she tries to reassure him. "We like having you around. You're gonna be in so much trouble when you come home though, he's getting really good at pouting now. He's really figured out the puppy dog eyes."

He can't help but laugh, a low chuckle deep in his chest. "I guess I'll have to practice saying 'no' then, since one of us will have to be the disciplinarian."

She scoffs. "Oh please, you think you're going to be the disciplinarian? You're going to cave to everything he wants."

"Not true!" he denies, unable to stop himself from grinning. "You forget, I was raised in a very strict household."

She's not sure how to answer that. He's not entirely wrong, she knows that Cal was sometimes treated more like a soldier than a son, but she almost thinks that's why he won't be strict. In their conversations before she had Shade, and even some since, he'd always been nervous that he would end up being like his father. Their personalities were wildly different but she supposed… Do you ever completely shake off the things your parents taught you?

"Not only will you let him get away with all kinds of mischief," Cal continues, his voice teasing, "but you'll probably teach him how to do it."

"Hey, thievery is what brought us together," she says. "Don't you think our son should keep up the tradition?"

Cal chuckles, his hands sliding around her hips to pull her closer.

"How long are you here?" he asks, pressing his lips against her shoulder.

Mare almost wilts as she answers. "Only two days."

He nods solemnly against her arm, but suddenly there's a palpable sadness around them.

"Are you going to be able to come home soon?" she asks, her voice sounding small and anxious. She hates sounding like that, but she can't help it.

"I hope so," he whispers.

They're both quiet for a while, not sure what else to say and soaking in each other's presence. His hand finds the small of her back, stroking back and forth idly, his warmth as comforting as always. Mare turns slightly, holding his gaze as she runs her thumbs over his cheeks. Slowly, deliberately, she leans in to find his lips for a tender kiss. Cal gladly tips his head up to better receive her kisses, his fingers tightening on her hips.

Mare breaks away from him, leaning back so she can see his face. She can't look at him enough, not when he is still as handsome as ever and she hasn't seen him in weeks. The muscles in his face tense, his jaw locking and his eyes squinting as he tries to stifle a yawn. She almost teases him for it, asking if she's boring him, but for the first time since she got there, Mare truly notices the signs of exhaustion on him. His eyelids droop ever so slightly, and beneath his eyes the skin is a deep, bruised grey. And despite his excitement, his hands are heavy on her body.

She runs her fingers over his forehead and through his short hair, making his eyelids flutter. "How have you been sleeping?"

He shrugs, leaning his head back against the couch.

"Cal?"

He sighs heavily, keeping his eyes fixed on the ceiling. "Being here brings back memories. It's not as bad as going back to Archeon, but still… The nightmares are worse."

"When was the last time you slept?" she asks.

"Mare…"

She stands, taking his hand and pulling him, with some difficulty, to his feet as well.

"Where are you –?"

"You need to sleep," she tells him, tugging him toward the stairs that will lead up to the loft.

"You don't need to make excuses to get me into bed with you, Mare, I'm perfectly willing," Cal answers with his most charming smirk.

Mare rolls her eyes. "Absolutely not, not until you've slept. There's no way you've got the energy."

He looks like he wants to protest, but when his eyes land on the bed, a flicker of apprehension crosses his features. It's like the nightmares have begun to haunt him before his head has even hit the pillow.

"I'll be right beside you," she assures him, squeezing his hand.

Cal tears his eyes away from the bed to give her a sad sort of smile. "It's not like it is for you, Mare. You know that being with someone doesn't necessarily help."

"It will this time, I promise," she says, pulling him toward the bed with a mischievous smile. "You can fall asleep thinking of all the things you want to do with me when you wake up."

"If I start thinking about that, I'm not sure I'll ever fall asleep," he answers.

She turns, kissing him as she sits back on the bed, and he gladly follows her down until he is lying just above her. But Mare only allows him another moment of kisses before she pushes him to the side, forcing him to flop down next to her on the bed. Before he can protest, she curls into his side, draping one arm over his stomach and tangling her leg with his.

Cal lets out a low, rumbling chuckle. "Fine, you win."

He drops a kiss to the top of her head, and then wiggles slightly to get comfortable. A large yawn overcomes him, stretching until his jaw cracks. He loops an arm around her and pulls her closer, keeping her pressed to his side as he drifts off to sleep.