A/N: I'm cross-posting this fic originally published on AO3, largely for the purposes of sharing that another Red Queen fan and I are considering starting a RQ-focused Discord server, for chatting about the series and sharing fics, but also potentially for hosting events (like fic exchanges, challenges, etc). At the moment, we're just trying to gauge whether there's any interest in this, so if you would be interested, please let me know in the comments, or send me a PM to let me know!
I take his hand and lead him back up the mountainside.
To his room, to mine, to the forest.
To fire or lightning.
It doesn't matter.
She reaches for his hand again. They've been… whatever they are now for about thirty seconds and already she doesn't want to be separated from him longer than she has to. Not in an existential sense, although she's certainly not looking forward to his return to the States, but the very real, tangible sense. He is here, standing right in front of her, right now, and all she wants is to be touching him.
As always, Cal lets her lead the way, even though he knows as much as she does where this is going. Mare meanders through the tavern tables and back onto the street, glancing (reluctantly) toward Evangeline. She smirks at them, but there is a question in her eyes nonetheless – whether she's trying to push them together or not, she is still technically Mare's bodyguard and her job is to check in. But Mare shakes her head subtly. She won't need a bodyguard for the rest of the night – she can take care of herself, and besides, Cal would die before he let anyone hurt her.
They wind through the streets of the city, slowly climbing higher up the mountainside, but before they're even halfway back to the premier's estate, Cal uses their joined hands to pull her close to him and his free hand skims across to the small of her back. Instead of pulling her flush against him, he walks her backward until her shoulders bump against the wall, and he crowds up against her. He towers over her, eating up her personal space, and slowly leans down until his forehead is resting against hers.
Mare pushes up on her toes, meeting him halfway so that he doesn't have to break his back to reach her. She brushes the tip of her nose against his as their breaths mingle, and his warmth surrounds her, bundling her like a blanket. Her eyes flutter shut as she closes the gap between them and presses her lips to his.
Cal places one hand on the wall by her shoulder, bracing himself against it, as his other hand moves to cradle her cheek, thumb brushing the curve of her ear and fingers tangling in the roots of her hair. His lips slide against hers slowly, like they have all the time in the world. He kisses her just to kiss her, just because he can, just because he wants to.
Mare slips her fingers beneath the edge of his jacket, smoothing her hands up over his waist and back. She breathes him in, inhales the faint smell of burning wood that always seems to cling to him. The word home flits through her mind, and for a moment she wants more than anything to take back what she said a few minutes ago and promise him everything and then some. What is it about the way he kisses her that makes her want to forget about everything else and plunge head first into whatever he's offering?
Cal pauses, resting his forehead against hers once more and smiling as he brushes his nose against hers affectionately. He needs a moment to breathe, to get his feelings under control before he throws himself off a cliff for her, because right now, he would. He would leave everything behind, forget about the rebuilding effort, forget about the Lakelands, forget about all of it – he would drop it all for her right now if she asked him. She won't and he can't, he knows that, but right now… he is so … Cal kisses her again, his lips finding hers with soft pressure, just enough to keep him from blurting out the words that are weighing heavy on his tongue. I love you. Still. Always. He wants to say them, they're true, but he's not ready yet, and neither is she. So instead he just kisses her more, pouring those words into his touch.
Eventually Mare breaks away, but her hand finds his cheek, caressing it softly as she looks up at him with a smile tugging at the corners of her lips. She bites her lower lip, looking at him with pink cheeks and eyes glittering with excitement. She looks happy .
"C'mon," Cal manages to say, despite the fact that the expression on her face is taking his breath away, stopping his heart, turning his world on its axis. He steps back, finding her hand again and setting off down the street once more.
They walk back to the premier's estate mostly in silence, but even though they talk little, they can't stop sneaking glances at each other. Despite the complications of their relationship, this feels like the easiest it's ever been. Happiness and excitement bubble inside them, turning them into the giddy, love-struck teenagers they never had the chance to be before.
When they reach the gate of the estate, the low hum of conversation around her reminds her that there are other people around, and she's not sure she's ready for the whole world to know about their relationship just yet. Not least of all because it would complicate the discussions over the next few days – both of their delegations need to trust their motivations, and that's already hard enough to achieve, especially for Cal. Mare pulls her hand out of his, trying to mask the action by tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear so she doesn't offend him. She doesn't want Cal to think that she's ashamed of him or their relationship.
"It's fine," he whispers, seeing through her weak effort.
"I just don't want –"
"I understand, it's okay –"
"It's not because of you –"
" Mare ." He stops walking, the corners of his lips twitching as he tries not to smile, and he doesn't move again until she turns to look at him. "It's nobody's business but ours. And Evangeline's, apparently."
She laughs softly, visibly relaxing at his words. Mare leads the way across the expansive courtyard and into the main entrance of the estate, crossing the ornate tiles with purpose.
Cal follows her without thinking much of it until she turns down a hallway that's unfamiliar to him.
"Where are we going?" he asks quietly.
Mare shrugs. "My room?"
"Okay."
A thought occurs to her and she stops suddenly. Cal crashes into her and only barely manages to keep them both from tumbling to the ground with an arm wrapped around her waist.
"We can't go to my room." She turns around to look at him with wide eyes.
"Why not?" He cocks his head to one side and looks at her with a slight frown.
"Because I share it with Gisa," Mare answers, "and she's probably there right now, working on outfits for the gala. Or if she's not there, she could come back any time and…"
Cal smirks, his lopsided smile spreading slowly over his face until his bronze eyes glitter. "Are you saying that your sister would be traumatised if she saw us together?" he asks with a little chuckle, as he pulls her closer to him.
Mare glances around the hallway anxiously, wriggling out of his grasp, even though there's nobody there to see them. She takes his hand instead, squeezing it to make sure he knows that she isn't pushing him away or having second thoughts. "If she walked in on us? Yes. Also, I'd rather not be interrupted. Can we go to your room? Are you on your own?"
"My room is part of the same suite as Nanabel, Julian and Sara, but I doubt any of them are there," he answers, turning around and tugging her back toward the staircase.
They climb quickly, anticipation building with every step. Suddenly every second not spent alone together feels too long, agonisingly long, as Cal leads her toward the suite with his hand still wrapped around hers. He pushes open the door finally, and they step inside. Mare notes the lavish decor – it's certainly one of the nicer apartments in the estate – but then quickly turns her attention back to Cal as he sheds his uniform jacket and discards it on a side table.
She drinks him in, her eyes roving over his body and noting every inch of him. He is so familiar to her, but at the same time she feels like some of the details of him faded in her memory. She doesn't want to forget the details again. When he has to go back to the States, she wants to be able to clearly remember the way he's looking at her now, exactly the way his cheeks flush and his pupils dilate and his lips part as if just begging to kiss her. She wants to remember the way his hands shake just a little against her waist as he pulls her closer, betraying the nerves he feels. As significant as their first time together was, somehow this feels even more monumental. It's the start of something, and even if she's reluctant to use the word forever , even if she refuses to make promises to him, that's what this feels like.
He dips his head toward her, his eyelids heavy with desire as his gaze fixes on her lips, but he pauses only inches away, and Mare feels a surge of disappointment and frustration that nearly spurs her to grab him and pull him down to kiss her.
"Nanabel?" he calls, and Mare thinks that is possibly the least sexy thing he could have said. But then he leans away from her and looks around the suite, and it registers in her lust-addled mind that he's checking to see if they're alone. "Uncle Julian?"
Before he can call her name, Sara appears in the doorway to the room she shares with Julian, and Cal quickly shifts so that his arm is wrapped around Mare a little bit more appropriately, and he subtly guides her to stand directly in front of him. She has to suppress a laugh at what he's trying to hide by positioning her just so .
"Hello, Mare," Sara says with a warm smile. She looks between the two of them, noting their flushed skin and Cal's hand resting on Mare's hip, and it's not difficult to guess why they're here.
"Mare was just hoping to say hello –"
"– to Julian –"
"– right, to Julian, um, less… less publicly, you know." His cheeks flush a darker silver and the room burns stiflingly hot with the unnecessary lie.
Though Sara cares for Cal – he is the son of her best friend and the nephew of her soon-to-be husband – he is not her child, and it's none of her business what he does or who he does it with. Still, the blustery attempt of the young couple to come up with any kind of excuse for their presence is somewhat endearing.
"He and Anabel are both downstairs with the other delegates," she says.
"Oh." Cal looks supremely uncomfortable.
"I was just about to go meet him," she continues, graciously excusing herself to leave the young couple alone. "I doubt any of us will be back soon."
Mare and Cal both blush and duck their heads at her words, but Sarah sees small smiles of gratitude despite their embarrassment as she lets herself out of the suite.
Cal stands frozen for a moment after Sara leaves, listening to make sure they are truly alone, and then he relaxes. His hand moves from Mare's hip to her belly, and he pulls her backward until there is no space between them. With his free hand, he pushes her braid aside so he can drop kisses just below her ear, his nose brushing against her jaw and his fingertips skimming the back of her neck. The collar of her training suit is very much in his way, so he tugs at the zipper, moving slowly to give Mare time to object if she wants. She doesn't, sighing and leaning into his touch instead as he eases the top of her suit down around her shoulders. Her sighs turn into gasps as he kisses his way down her neck, sucking at the sensitive skin, and her hand covers his on her stomach, weaving their fingers together and squeezing tightly.
"Mare," he whispers, his voice rasping.
She turns in his arms and he lifts his head to kiss her. Their lips meet slowly, heat building gradually between them with aimlessly wandering hands. Cal cups her cheek, his fingers slipping into her hair as his lips move against hers. Every touch seems to leave her feeling weak in the knees and completely at his mercy. How did she ever doubt what she wanted? How could she ever have believed for a second that it wasn't him?
When she pulls away, she reaches for his hand again, stepping back.
"Shall we?" She flicks her eyes toward the door to one of the bedrooms, not knowing if it's Cal's or not.
He grins, pulling her backwards towards a different door, his eyes never leaving hers, never wavering. The bronze is darkened to the colour of the very last dying embers of a fire and his eyelids look as heavy as hers feel, weighed down by desire.
His bedroom is pale grey and sage green, occasionally marked with gold leaf that gives it an altogether fancier feel. She's not sure why, but for some foolish reason, Mare expected to see something that was more Cal . Maybe burgundy bedding or books strewn all over the place like they had been in his room in the summer palace, but she finds none of that, and she has to remind herself that this isn't really his room. He's a guest. And yet seeing him occupying a space that is so clearly devoid of any aspect of the war they fought feels somehow freeing, like it's a symbol that they can put all that behind them and move forward with their future. It's unexpectedly the last thing she needs, clearing away any last cobwebs of uncertainty she has, at least for the moment.
Cal closes the door behind them, locking it for good measure, and then turns back to her, reaching for her waist to pull her close again. "I missed you too."
"Hmm?" Mare hums, stretching up on her toes to wrap her arms around his neck.
"Before, at the tavern, you said you missed me terribly," he answers, repeating her words back to her, whispering them against her skin as he leaves kisses against her jaw. "I didn't… I never told you that I missed you too, so much. Not just this, you ."
His admission brings a lump to her throat that makes it impossible to speak. How could she have doubted his feelings for her? She felt stupid for thinking for a even minute that he didn't talk to her on the balcony, didn't look at her in the meeting, because he didn't care about her anymore, rather than because he cared so much. This was Cal, her Cal , who had always loved her, even when she had been spiralling into darkness. She should have known that two months apart wouldn't change his heart. She runs her hands over his shoulders and then wraps her hands around the placket of his shirt as she kisses him with more fervour than she had before. Suddenly, she feels eager to move this along, to feel his skin against hers, and her fingers start to fumble with the buttons on his shirt.
Cal echoes her sentiments, his hands finding the unzippered edges of her training suit and tugging it down, peeling it over her arms and rolling the fabric down her torso. He seems to get distracted then, his hands too busy roaming the newly-bared expanse of skin to finish removing the garment completely.
Mare forces his hands away from her body long enough to slide his shirt off and then presses her body against his, sliding her hands over his arms and shoulders and chest. She tries to lose herself in the feel of him and not think about the last time they did this or everything she was feeling then. She wants to put that behind her, behind them , so she focuses on his lips on hers and the faint scratch of his stubble against her cheek. It's easy to just feel when electricity seems to gather under her skin everywhere Cal touches her, building like a storm within her.
His hands run up her back, fingers spreading wide across her skin, and then drift back down, and then he's dropping to his knees in front of her. He's so much taller than her that even kneeling he's tall enough for his lips to find her breast, leaving hot, wet kisses in a trail.
Mare runs her hands through his short hair, scratching lightly as his tongue makes her fingers curl with delight. She whimpers softly, trying to hold him in place even as she simultaneously wants more. She feels wobbly already, so easily affected by his touch, and she's tempted to move this to his bed, but then his hands find the rolled up edge of her training suit and begin pushing it over her hips and down her legs, and all thoughts of doing anything leave her mind.
Cal's mouth never leaves her breast as he guides her training suit off her legs and discards it, quickly following it with her underwear. Only when she stands completely bare before him does he shift, dragging his mouth across her stomach and down over the insides of her thighs. His hand runs over the back of her legs, tugging at one knee until she shifts her balance and allows him to draw it up and out to the side just a little, opening her up for his mouth. He sits back on his heels, dragging his tongue over her centre and sucking lightly at her clit. He moves slowly, a perfect balance – enough to leave her breathless and craving more, but not enough to make her legs give out beneath her.
"Cal," she moans when his teasing begins to border on providing too much frustration and not enough satisfaction.
He looks up at her and it strikes her as extremely sexy, seeing him kneeling between her legs like that.
Cal gets to his feet again, reaching for her immediately. His hand curves around her neck, thumb brushing across her jaw, and he pulls her toward him. He pauses with his eyes fixed on hers for a moment, and Mare can see in the heaviness of his gaze how much he wants her. But she knows that it's so much more than just physical desire – she can see a reverence in his eyes that she's sure is reflected in her own.
Keeping her eyes fixed on his, Mare finds the buttons on his pants, smiling at his sharp intake of breath as she slips them free, and she pushes his pants down his legs. She retreats to his bed as he steps out of them, following her as quickly as he can. Only after he settles above her, her knees bent on either side of his hips, does she let him kiss her again, slow and deep. His hand skims across her skin, running across her thighs, hips, belly, breasts… each time his fingers traverse the route, she arches into him encouragingly.
"I want you," he whispers in her ear, the warmth of his breath on her neck raising goosebumps across her skin.
" Please ," Mare concurs, running her fingers through his hair.
Cal presses into her, his breath stuttering at the sensation. He rests his forehead against hers for a minute, trying to collect himself. How is it that they've only been apart for two months and he feels like it's his first time again? He's a little bit overwhelmed by everything he's feeling for Mare, and if he'd thought that sleeping with her would be an outlet for that, he was clearly wrong. Everything only feels amplified now.
Mare wraps her arms around his neck, kissing along his jaw as she moves her hips a little, encouraging him to move. He begins agonisingly slowly, but quickly finds an electrifying rhythm, slipping almost entirely out of her before sinking back in as deeply as their bodies will allow. Each stroke sends a slow, delicious wave of pleasure through her body, spreading like the tide through every nerve. As Cal starts to pick up his pace just a bit, her breaths come more rapidly and she arches against him again, greedily seeking out more pleasure.
He complies happily, dragging one hand from her hip up to her breast. His touch is gentle, yet firm, kneading with just enough pressure that the soft skim of his thumb over the sensitive peak of her nipple contrasts in a delightful way. When she tips her head back, he seizes on the opportunity, his mouth finding the column of her neck, teeth grazing just to the side of her throat.
"Cal, please," she whimpers, tension building inside her like a storm rolling in from the horizon. He's brought her to the edge embarrassingly quickly, but she couldn't care less about that. She just wants to soak up the feeling of him inside her.
Mare shifts, one foot planted on the bed lifting her hip just a little, allowing Cal to slide just a little deeper with his next thrust. He lets out a small moan, the vibrations tickling against her neck, and Mare feels her eyelids flutter.
Another thrust and she bursts, eyes slamming shut as she feels like a firework erupts within her. Her fingers tighten, scraping lightly against the nape of his neck.
Cal stills, gritting his teeth against the rippling pulse of lightning that accompanies her orgasm – the sparks that dance over their bodies aren't enough to hurt, but the initial wave isn't entirely pleasant either. Usually she keeps it at bay, but he supposes she wasn't focused on it, and he feels a bizarre sense of pride in giving her so much pleasure that she completely lets go for a moment. He watches her bliss, taking the opportunity to catch his breath and regroup.
He smiles as her body starts to relax, tension seeping from her muscles as her orgasm peters out.
"I'm going to get you a pair of rubber gloves," Cal teases, planting a quick kiss on her lips, and Mare opens her eyes to see little purple sparks skittering across his skin and all his hairs standing on end.
"Oh yes, that'd be very sexy,"she laughs in reply, running her hands over the taut muscles of his back and brushing away the last lingering sparks. More softly, she whispers, "I'm sorry."
"Mmm, I don't know," he says, suddenly serious again as he ignores her apology in favour of burying his face against her neck, pressing hot kisses there between words. "I think you're sexy in pretty much anything."
He starts to move again, thrusting slowly, deliberately, as if to demonstrate just how sexy he finds her. His skin is hot beneath her fingers, smothering her in warmth.
She tries to tease him back, but her voice comes out in traitorous whimpers that belie just how much his movements are affecting her. "I'll wear rubber gloves if you let me douse you in ice cubes."
"That might be counterproductive," Cal answers, smirking against her skin with a deep thrust that makes her moan.
"Cal, I want…" She loses track of her sentence as he sinks into her again. "Can I…?"
He understands what she's asking anyway, and without saying anything, he rolls to the side, his arm wrapping around her waist to pull her with him, until she's lying on top of him with her legs straddling his hips.
Mare sits up slowly, running her hands down over Cal's chest and abs, her eyes following the same path appreciatively. She rests her palms flat against his stomach to help her balance as she starts to move her hips, smirking at the gasp it elicits from him.
His fingers dig into her hip before he drags them down over her legs, pink streaks blooming on her thighs from the pressure of his fingertips on her skin. For a minute, he just watches her, drinking in every detail of her body – the soft curve of her hips, the way the purple ends of her hair, now free from its braid, fall over her shoulder and dance against her breast. Then he lets his hands wander, touching every enticing inch of her body. When his fingers move between her legs, Mare lets out a soft whimper that drives him absolutely wild. As she continues to move, pleasure building for both of them, Cal suddenly feels an overwhelming need to be closer to her. He sits up, one hand cupping her cheek as he pulls her in to kiss her deeply. His other arm wraps around her waist, pulling her body flush against his, and Mare's hands find their way to the nape of his neck, giving her better leverage as she moves.
Cal feels himself growing closer to his climax and yet he craves her even more, covering her body with hot, open-mouthed kisses wherever he can reach as his fingers rooted in her hair keep her anchored against him. Her movements are more erratic and he knows she's close too, so he slips his fingers between them, circling his thumb against her clit and making her gasp against his lips.
Her eyes close and her head tips back, lips parted, leaning into the hand tangled in her hair as she rocks against him.
"Mare," he begs, pressing the words against her throat, "let go."
Cal holds onto her tightly as she comes apart in his arms, sinking down harder as she tries to take yet more of him inside her. The feel of being so deeply situated is more than enough to send him careening over the edge and he moans into the curve of her neck as his orgasm grips him. Stars burst behind his eyelids and he breathes deeply until the blissful feeling passes and he opens his eyes to Mare still sitting in his lap with her arms around him.
He eases his fingers out of her hair, gently massaging her scalp in apology for the tightness of his hold. He brushes the tip of his nose against hers, smiling softly. Cal always feels a bit shy afterward, like their passion revealed a depth of his affection for Mare that he wasn't prepared for her to see. But she presses sweet kisses against his smile that reassure him. He lays back against the bed, taking her with him, and pulls the bed sheet up around them.
Mare carefully slips off his lap and curls up by his side, reaching out to lay her palm over his beating heart. He's still warm, and if she weren't so flushed herself, she would seek out his warmth like a moth fluttering around his flame. She can't take her eyes off him though, and not just because he's beautiful. It's hard, in this moment, not to let her imagination run wild, picturing a future stretching ahead of them just like this. It's foolish, and she should keep it in check, she should banish thoughts like that from her mind. But she's tired of doing that, and for a few minutes, she wants to hope that it's possible.
He lays his hand on top of hers, his fingers weaving together with hers. Cal starts to feel sleepy, wanting nothing more than to curl up under the blankets with Mare in his arms and sleep until morning. The idea of letting her slip away again, even if it's only for a few hours, suddenly feels unbearable, a nettle sticking in his side and poking him sharply each time he tries to breathe.
Cal wrestles with himself, trying to bite back the question on the tip of his tongue. He so badly wants to ask her, but he's still afraid of pushing her too far – one wrong step and she'll change her mind about him, about them, all of it. It might be unfair to Mare, but he can't quite shake that feeling yet, not when they've been back and forth so many times before. It'll take time, probably, to get past that.
"Cal? What's wrong?" she asks, turning to look at him.
"Nothing," he denies quickly.
"You're all tense," she accuses, narrowing her eyes at him as she props herself up so she can see his face better. "What's going on?"
He huffs out a breath, trying to consciously relax his body. "Nothing, I…"
Mare's forehead creases with worry as she tries not to get ahead of herself. But she's been burned so many times by so many people, it's hard to trust him when she knows there's something he's not telling her.
He sees the suspicion creeping into her expression and takes a deep breath, quickly deciding that spitting it out is wiser than trying to keep it to himself at this point. Even if it's too much, it's still better than whatever she's going to come up with in her mind to explain his apprehension.
"I don't want you to go," he says softly, staring up at the ceiling.
Mare doesn't quite understand what he means. "Go where?"
"Anywhere. I want you to stay here." Cal takes another deep breath, steeling himself, and turns his head on the pillow to look at her. "I don't know if you can, or if you want to, but I'd really like it if you stayed here."
"For the night?" Mare clarifies.
He nods, nerves mounting. The room starts to grow warmer with his anxiety.
Then Mare smiles. She reaches out to smooth her hand over his cheek and he presses a kiss to her palm in return.
"I can't tonight, my family would worry and probably tear the place apart looking for me," she says. And then my dad would kill you . "But maybe tomorrow I can."
He smiles, rolling onto his side to face her. "Okay. I guess letting them find you naked in my bed is probably not the best way to broach this topic with Nanabel and Uncle Julian anyway."
She snorts, tucking herself into his chest and wriggling until she's comfortable. "What are you going to tell them?"
"I don't know," he sighs, his fingers drawing idle patterns on her back. "That we're spending some time together, I guess. I doubt they'll be surprised."
"Why, have you been pining?" she teases, tilting her head up to look at him.
"Mare," he answers, dropping a kiss to her forehead, "do you have any idea how many things I set on fire or almost set on fire in anticipation of seeing you? They nearly made me hand over my bracelets before I got on the jet."
She laughs, the sound lower than usual as sleepiness looms.
"What are you going to tell your family?" he presses after a minute.
"I don't know," Mare answers with a heavy sigh. "I wish I didn't have to tell them anything. Not because… I just don't want to deal with their questions. Things I don't have answers for."
"What kinds of questions are those?" he asks, frowning.
" What does this mean? Are you going to go back to Norta? " she says, mimicking Gisa. " Is Cal going to move here? Are you going to m–?"
Mare cuts herself off abruptly, not willing to even say that word in his presence (yet).
"Gisa's very nosy," he observes, kindly ignoring her unfinished question.
"She's at that age, I guess," Mare sighs. "Drama and relationships consume her every thought now."
Cal smirks, imagining Mare gossiping about her brothers' relationships with Kilorn. "Were you like that at sixteen?"
"No!" she denies quickly. "I was too busy trying to figure out how to feed my family and not get conscripted."
Cal shifts uncomfortably. He doesn't exactly feel guilty for the way things were before the rebellion started – they weren't his decision – but he's not okay with it either. He tries not to think too hard about what he would have allowed to continue if the rebellion had never happened and he'd become king without ever becoming involved with the Guard.
"Also, I hadn't met anyone yet who was worth spending all my time and energy thinking about."
He smiles at that, letting her teasing chase away his wistfulness. "Yeah? Did you find someone like that later?"
"I seem to recall spending a lot of time kissing you in the middle of a revolution," Mare answers, her face warm against his chest as she blushes. "And even more time thinking about kissing you."
"Feel free to kiss me anytime you think about it."
She shifts, scooting up a little higher on the bed until she can take his face in her hands and kiss him squarely on the lips. Mare inhales as she kisses him, the intoxicating scent of fire and wood and sex filling her nostrils and making her delightfully dizzy. She pulls away from him before she gets any ideas – it's getting late, and they've definitely already missed dinner. She should be going back to her family soon.
"Can I borrow a shirt?" she asks, earning her a quizzical look from him. "I don't really want to put the training suit back on. It's all sweaty and gross." She wrinkles her nose for good measure.
He sighs, looking like he wants to protest her imminent departure, but he doesn't. Instead, he slips out of the bed, reaching for his pants and tugging them over his legs. He doesn't bother with a shirt as he crosses the expansive room to rummage through his trunk, bare feet tapping softly on the tiled floor. After a moment, he returns to her side, holding out a pair of dark pants and a cream coloured shirt.
"Thank you," Mare says, pulling the shirt over her head.
It's far too large on her, and Cal grins as he looks at her, swimming in the pale fabric.
"You're adorable," he murmurs, gently pulling her hair out from under the shirt and letting it fan out across her shoulder and down her back.
"You're a giant," she answers, ignoring the way her words make him smirk.
The shirt billows around her hips when she stands up, the hem just reaching her thighs, and Cal decides he rather likes the way she looks in his shirt. He pulls her in close and leans down to kiss her, his fingers playing with the hem and brushing over her skin. How easily he could get lost in her again.
Reluctantly, Mare places her hands on his chest and pushes him away gently. "Cal…"
He huffs, flopping back down on the bed, but quickly smiles at her so she knows he's not really upset.
Mare pulls the pants he gave her over her legs, rolling them up around her hips several times so she doesn't trip on them. When she turns around, she finds Cal trying very hard not to laugh, and mostly failing.
"Shut up," she tells him, crossing her arms and rolling her eyes at him.
"Everyone is definitely going to believe those are your clothes," he teases, fighting valiantly to keep a straight face. "Maybe I should start keeping some smaller things just for you."
"Maybe I should just not have sex with you ever again," she jabs.
"Just pants though," he continues, ignoring her empty threat. "I like the shirt."
"You are ridiculous ," Mare answers, rolling her eyes at him again. "I sleep with you one time –"
" – It's been a lot more than one time –"
"– and it's all you can think about." She stoops to pick up her training suit, bundling it up in her arms.
"Hey! You're the one who dragged me back here," he objects, a stupid grin still plastered to his face. "I would have been very happy just staying at the tavern with you and talking."
" Liar. "
She smiles at the silly and lighthearted argument, and she realises that it feels good to have fun with him. Her brothers had brought levity to her life again when they were at the cabin, insisting that she didn't spend all her time "moping around." It had been their way of reminding her that just dwelling on everything that had happened wouldn't heal her – she needed to move forward as well. And that applied to her relationship with Cal as well. She had needed to know, more than she realised, that they could be like this , and not always focused on the horrors they experienced together. There needs to be balance.
When she moves back toward the bed, he sits up again, swinging his legs over the side. She leans in to kiss him, her hands snaking around his torso as his move to cradle her face.
"See you tomorrow?" he mumbles against her lips, not willing to pull away from her a second sooner than he has to.
Her first instinct is to tease him, but then she thinks better of it, not wanting to leave him with even the tiniest seed of doubt. "Of course. Night, Cal."
"Goodnight, Mare."
As she reaches the door, she turns around, giving him a smile as he drops back onto the bed, one hand behind his head on the pillow. She keeps her eyes on him as she steps through the door, not turning around until it is closed again with her on the other side.
She yelps, startling so badly that she jumps and bangs her elbow into the door behind her.
Standing only a few feet in front of her and looking as stern as ever is Cal's grandmother.
"Miss Barrow."
"Hello, Anabel," Mare says awkwardly, rubbing at her probably bruised elbow, acutely aware of exactly how this looks.
Which is exactly what it is .
And while both of their families were obviously going to know they were spending time together, Mare isn't sure how much detail either of them needed about exactly how they were spending their time. Her face flushes, scarlet tinting her tan skin, a final incriminating clue. The only thing that could be worse would be if Cal…
The door opens behind her, the warmth of Cal's hand spreading across the small of her back, and Mare's eyes flutter closed for a second as she resists the urge to hide her head in her hands.
"Are you o– Nanabel!" Cal cuts across his own question as he realises his grandmother is standing in front of them. He drops his hand quickly, and Mare can practically feel the awkwardness rolling off him in waves.
"I came to tell you that the Premier invited you for a nightcap," Anabel informs her grandson, resolutely keeping her eyes fixed on him, determined to ignore Mare's presence. Her voice drips with disapproval as she continues, "If you are feeling well enough – he noted your absence at dinner."
The air around Cal grows uncomfortably warm. "Thank you, Nanabel."
Mare looks between the two formidable individuals she is sandwiched between and quickly decides to make her exit. She feels like some kind of explosion is imminent and she doesn't want to be anywhere in the vicinity when it happens. She's familiar with Cal's temper, and she suspects Anabel's is worse.
"I was just leaving," she mumbles to no one, stepping away from Cal.
He turns to give her a fleeting smile.
"Nice to see you, Miss Barrow, as always," Anabel says, barely looking at Mare.
Mare slips out of the large suite, not at all envious of Cal's position. She has the distinct impression that she still hadn't been Anabel's favourite person before this, and she highly doubts that catching them skipping out on meetings and dinners to stay in bed with each other has endeared her at all.
Inside the suite, Cal straightens his spine, standing tall and trying to appear confident despite the traitorous heat rolling off him and the bright silver flush colouring his cheeks and chest. He will not allow his grandmother to scold him like a misbehaving child and make him feel ashamed.
"You should be more careful about what you miss," she says finally, looking at him with an expression he can't quite place. "Do not forget that you are here on business, whatever else you may find."
"Nanabel –"
"I don't object to you spending time with her," she interrupts, her voice growing softer as she speaks just for her grandson, stepping closer to him so she can run her hand over his cheek. "I know you've been waiting to see her. Just don't forget your duty as well."
"I wouldn't do that," he answers, frowning. "Nanabel, I was raised to put my country ahead of everything else. That hasn't changed just because I no longer wear a crown, I promise."
She looks at him carefully, and after an agonisingly long moment, Anabel nods and turns away. She sweeps into her own room, leaving him utterly bewildered by their brief conversation and how easily he was able to reassure her.
He sighs and turns back to his own room, groaning inwardly as he grabs his shirt from where it had been discarded on the floor. As he pulls it on and does up the buttons, he considers his grandmother's words. He hadn't been lying when he answered her – the sense of duty he feels for the people of Norta hasn't faded since his abdication. And yet, his role is undoubtedly different and he can't help but wonder… He hopes there are days ahead where he can choose to put other things first.
When Cal imagines what he wants in his future, he craves a life that is less complicated than it has been the last few years. He wants a life where he never again has to choose between duty and love. He wants to be able to choose Mare, again and again and again. Every day.
He never wants to choose anything else.