Running in and out of Luck
Moon-star-and-chocolate
Team: Tutshill's Tornado
Position: keeper
Prompt: a horseshoe- write about someone running out of luck
Warning: Character's death and betrayal. Mentions of what could be depression Two guys are together but you won't see anything.
If you asked Remus Lupin, he would tell you that Luck was like some strange room in the department of mysteries: you could run in, but he had always run out.
A twelve years old Remus would say that he felt very lucky for once.
His condition which had once condemned him to an unwanted but self-inflicted loneliness, was now the cement of the strongest friendship he ever dreamt to have. The Marauders were brothers, in everything but blood, and did not leave someone behind on account of what they couldn't change.
They had taken Remus under their wing; he had taken them under his own. His lycanthropy was not a problem, no more than Sirius being a Black, James being short sighted and Peter being his pudgy self.
They were not pretending not to be ; they were who they were and loved each other for it -even though they might have had troubles admitting it.
Discovering Remus' monthly issues did change their behaviour, but for the better. He now had caring friends who knew who he was inherently, who had learned to understand his needs, his wants, his feelings and his thoughts, sometimes better than he did himself. They knew not to push him too far before the full moon. They always had chocolate in case of a "Remus emergency". They had learned never to let him alone next to a boiling cauldron. And most of all, they learned how to make him feel better after a full moon, when his body was scratched, bruised and his ego torn to shreds as he slumbered morosely in the Hospital Wing. They sat there with him and told him stories of their day, of a big scary yet friendly wolf, and fed him with chocolate.
Yes, life could not get any better.
Luck was however waiting to make its big appearance. It was a cold December night when Remus discovered that he was the luckiest man on earth, at least that's what he thought then.
His heart was beating so fast and his eyes were so widely open that they were on the verge of exploding, as he watched his three best friends perform the Animagus transformation in front of him. Their love and dedication to him were so unexpected from teenagers that they might also have grown a second head. Remus had just forgotten that the Marauders always had each other's back, no matter how far they should go to help.
The following full moons running under the stars, the companionship, the adventures, were the treasures he was so lucky to have, and which he always kept with him.
Not so long after, he felt that his luck had started to run out.
On the last full moon of his fifth year, Luck abandoned him. Had he done something wrong? Stepped out of the path? He did not remember.
That night, Luck abandoned his transforming body, letting the cruel minds of human beings have their way with him. It was that night that Sirius betrayed his trust, told his biggest secret to the worst person possible. It was that night the cruel fate came looking for him.
The emotions coming with this betrayal all crashed down on him later as James explained everything in the morning. He was strong, he was used to pain, he would not cry; but he did. He had friends to support him, but his friend had betrayed him. He had shoulders to cry on, yet he only wanted to cry on Sirius' shoulder and hated himself for it, hated Sirius for it.
The following weeks were filled with hurt, betrayal, tears and incomprehension. He always failed to understand why Sirius had done that. It was also filled with apologies, explanations, other tears and pleadings, which he never acknowledged.
He felt like the unluckiest man on earth. If only he had known that he was only walking out of Luck…
He was almost seventeen when Luck crossed his path again.
He had made up with Sirius when he had seen him battered at James' place, begging for forgiveness while trying not to cry his former home. Remus did not plan to forgive him, he just did. Denying Sirius that would have taken too much out of him. Denying him anything really.
Love had taken him by the hand and guided him to Sirius. And from the fascinated gazes, the tender touches, the words that said "I love you" without saying it, Love seemed to have taken Sirius' hand too. When they kissed, Remus knew very well his Luck.
Their relationship remained half a secret at school since most people still did not approve same sex couples, but they didn't care. When they graduated from Hogwarts and threw themselves into the war, they were still together, and still very much in love. If most Order members knew, they never commented.
They had their friend's approval; it was all that mattered. And it didn't matter that every day brought a new name to Death's list. It didn't matter that muggles and wizards were hurt, that James and Lily went into hiding, because they had each other and Remus felt lucky for that.
Little did he know…
Reality came crashing down on him on the First of November 1981. When the newspaper brought him the news he feared to acknowledge, he felt as if the word had collapsed. His surely had.
The Marauders, his reason to live, his so lucky encounter, had been torn to shreds by this war. James and Lily had died, leaving only a baby as a proof of their short yet vivid existence. Peter had left a big hole and only a finger as a reminder of his final bravery act. Sirius… Sirius left a hole so enormous in Remus' heart it could never be filled. He left a sobbing, a panting, a crying, a so desperately hurt Remus.
Sirius had betrayed. Remus felt so stupid to have overlooked his first "mistake" as he called it. Sirius had betrayed, killed so many people and ruined Remus' life: past, present, and future. There started his quick descent from heaven to hell.
He was running out of Luck, sprinting out of it…
Remus did not encounter Luck for a long time.
He spent many years grieving, trying to bury his loss in whatever he could: books, sleep, alcohol, willing bodies, poorly paid jobs, fake smiles, and silent nights. His Luck did not come back, such as the memories of them did not disappear.
Finally, he came back to Luck thanks to the piercing eyes of Albus Dumbledore.
Taking a job as a teacher gave him the opportunity to clean his mind of the bad memories. Sirius' escape did not.
However, this was the best thing that could have happened to him. On a full moon's night, he found himself in the Shack, reliving painful yet so important memories in front of three disbelieving teenagers. He finally felt lucky to know that his former lover was innocent, to hug him -even if only for a second- to believe him and not to feel this stupid culpability for once.
If he stepped a little bit out of Luck that night -his unexpected transformation allowing Wormtail to escape, he knew Luck had come back in the form of Sirius Black and old love.
When one year later he found a black dog at his door and finally had his lover in his house, his arms, his bed, he did not feel like the luckiest man on earth: it was a privilege he would never have again. He simply felt lucky.
As a darker year extended its hand over 1995 and then 1996, he still felt lucky, as selfish and illogical as it may seem. He was loved, accepted, he had friends and a purpose. The Order of the Phoenix had given him that despite all the hurt that came with fighting a war.
But time was unforgiving and the clock ticked away his last moments of Luck.
His last hope of happiness disappeared as the veil engulfed in a swift motion his lover and his hopes at the same time.
A slow fall for Sirius, a big one for Remus. In two seconds, he was reminded of the weaknesses of a human body and of the brevity of life, especially when dying at only thirty-six.
As he restrained Harry from going after Sirius, he tried not to give in and follow him. His Luck had disappeared, else fate wouldn't be so cruel.
Once again, he had to face the mourning, the grieving, the loneliness. However, this time he was not alone, the Order still needed him. Had he lost his lover, he had not lost his purpose. They helped him rebuild his confidence and he was thankful for that, but still felt like a foreigner to the country of Luck. How could he consider himself lucky to have friends when the Marauders were reduced to only one person? How could he be lucky when his heart had been torn to smithereens? How could he be lucky if by allowing himself to fall in love, he had allowed Fate to retrieve the object of his affections twice, with no return possible.
Sirius' fall had him falling out of Luck, and his fall continued…
If he was falling, then Tonks had a parachute.
While Fate seemed to afflict him, she forced it to be more merciful. She arranged everything to be more comfortable for him, she tried to protect him from the evil that came with the war, even though he felt that he should be the one doing it since he was older. She smiled and made him smile.
Slowly, she made him see the beauty in the dark. Slowly, she showed him that life was still worth living. She was young and naïve. She still only had lived in Luck's room, never having seen the dark ones in Fate's manor. She tried to share her luck by sharing her love, which he always denied.
It took him time to see it, more to acknowledge and more to reciprocate. It took him a year to fall in love.
Her hair was as pink as her heart, her eyes could gleam in mischief or in care. She was disastrously clumsy and so wholly herself. She also could have grey eyes and black hair for the days of melancholia. Black blood for the dark days and flashy hair for the others. She was what he needed, and she needed him. Such a situation was so unusual that they were lucky to have found each other.
As a little boy, just born, bored his eyes into his father's while still grasping his mother's hand, Luck was neither concept nor a place, but a person: Teddy Lupin, their own personal horseshoe.
Had he been a metamorphomagus like the two others, Remus' hair might have turned blue or pink. He was not and instead he gazed at his son lovingly before going to announce his birth to his soon-to-be godfather.
Teddy, as wonderful as his birth could have been - a flash of hope in the dark, not only being the proof that werewolf's children could be normal, but also that life continued despite the war - was not very lucky two months later, when DA called everyone that could come to Hogwarts. Yet again, neither was his father.
As hexes were sent flying everywhere, hope seemed, at the same time, to have disappeared from the surface of earth and to be the only thing that kept the fighters going. Or perhaps it was love for those they protected after all.
If finally light could make the dark shadows submit, then maybe the Phoenixes, born from the flame of innocence which had gotten guiltier each fight, could consider themselves lucky. If they made it out of it.
Remus was not lucky. He had once thought so, but each time he escaped from the cruel Fate walking into the beautiful country of Luck, he was called there again and had to run out of Luck even faster. This night, his duelling skills, eroded by so many sleepless nights, inactive days and worried hours, were not enough to defeat Dolohov. He knew it from the moment they caught each other's eye in the fire of the fight.
Yet, he decided to fight for what he believed in, not relying on power or Luck, not even on skills or reflexes. His only wish was to buy Harry time, not to make himself a hero.
The fight was nasty, the atmosphere chaotic. He ducked a vicious spell which would have surely cost him his life and turned his thoughts to Tonks, Dora, his wife left at home with a surely distressed baby Teddy. He wished he had told her goodbye properly before leaving. But he had not.
A green light, a cry, a fall, a soul flying to the stars. Silence.
Remus Lupin died. Flying out of Luck.