"So my friend," said Storm. "What exactly is going on here?"
"It's very simple," said Argus. "The John Phoenix here who's been terrorizing us all this time... is a fake. More specifically, he is a self-insert of a person from a universe higher than our own."
"Ooooooh..." said the gallery before the judge shut them up.
"Argus Hakan explain what that means," said the judge.
"Okay," said Argus. "The culprit is basically the god of this particular universe, they created this because they lusted for a world where Phoenix and Maya had fuck sex, but things weren't going smoothly because it's only natural that the two wouldn't get together. So they had to take matters into their own hands... by inserting themselves into the world!"
"But how?"
"Simply put, their spirit entered the bodies of people in-universe! This was also how Phoenix Wright ended up in that alleyway with no memories: the imposter was controlling him, but then Wellington threw a crate on his head to get the spirit out of his body!"
"He's lying!" said John Phoenix. "I'm not a god, I'm John Phoenix!"
"OBJECTION!" shouted Argus Hakan. He smirked. He was smirking because it was time to reveal his decisive evidence.
"You cannot be John Phoenix..." said Argus Hakan. And then he RIPPED OFF HIS MASK! "BECAUSE I'M JOHN PHOENIX!"
"WHAT THE FUCK!" said the fake John Phoenix.
"You had no idea who you were possessing because you never saw a mirror. The person you're actually possessing is... actually I've no idea who that is so he probably doesn't matter."
And so John Phoenix had no qualms about attacking the faker. He grabbed the fake by the neck and threw them to the floor. Then, finally, he used his psychic powers to rip the spirit of the imposter out of the randomer's body and everyone could finally see who it was. The true face using the name "Dakoolguy": It was Jordan Phoenix!
Jordan Phoenix was exorcized from the world forever.
Epilogue
"Thanks for saving me from forceful matrimony John Phoenix," said Phoenix. "Um but what about all those other mysteries?"
John Phoenix shrugged.
"It's been too long. I knew the answers at some point but I forgot them when I was on the way to the court."
"Oh fair enough John Phoenix."
The End.