The disclaimer telling you that I don't own any Ghosts characters is a bit drunk. Just more madness from my tiny brain.

The Woodstone Speakeasy

"Okay so good news," Sam told the gathering of ghosts in the living room. "Tomorrow we are holding another high-end whisky tasting event!"

"YES!" Trevor whooped. "Another party!"

"No, it's not going to be like last time. This time we have an actual liquor license," Sam told the ghosts. "Sneaking down the speakeasy will be just part of the act and there will be nothing illegal going on."

"Nothing except the actual corpse that is decorating the vault where you're holding the event," Sasappis remarked.

"You really should remove that Sam," Pete said. "That's a major health violation."

"This is gonna be great," Trevor grinned. "Another frat party!"

"It's not that kind of party Trevor!" Sam snapped. "This is going to be a very classy whisky tasting! No frat boys this time! We got a very good review from Sipper and this time we got some actual adults showing up. Several history professors from the local college. And an older married couple."

"Not the Farnsbys I hope," Hetty bristled.

"No, they're out of town this week," Sam waved. "This will be a dignified classy event."

"It will still be quite enjoyable," Isaac remarked.

"Yeah, any party is a good party," Trevor agreed.

"Unless it's raiding party by Danes," Thorfinn spoke up. "Because as we all know, Danes can't do a successful raid!"

"Didn't Danes eventually conquer your homeland?" Sasappis asked. "As well as create a huge empire?"

"Really Sass?" Thorfinn grumbled. "You had to remind Thorfinn of that?"

"Obviously they upped their game after you died," Isaac remarked.

"Without Thorfinn to fear Danes probably saw opportunity," Thorfinn grumbled. "Sneaky Danes!"

"Hey Babe," Jay walked into the room. "We have a problem."

"Here we go," Isaac groaned.

"What problem?" Sam asked. "We have a liquor license now."

"But not the liquor our guests want," Jay explained. "I just got off the phone with those professors and they're really looking forward to tasting that old Woodstone whisky that Sipper guy wrote about."

"You mean the five thousand dollar bottles you guys just gave away to those college kids?" Trevor asked. "Seriously Sam, we need to discuss your business model."

"The problem is people will be expecting that particular blend of whisky," Jay said. "And since it all got drunk at the last event…"

"We're just going to have to tell them we're out of that particular brand of whisky," Sam sighed.

"Maybe not?" Alberta spoke up. "I've got an idea."

"What?" Jay asked as he watched Sam listen to Alberta.

"Alberta knows the recipe for that particular whisky blend," Sam told Jay. "And if we make it right now it should be ready for the event."

"The event is tomorrow," Jay told her. "Doesn't alcohol need to like ferment or settle or…?"

"Not this particular recipe apparently," Sam said. "Alberta says it doesn't take that long."

"Well, we still have the bottles and we cleaned them out so…" Jay paused. "Wait people are going to taste and see that it's new."

"No, they won't," Alberta waved. "Unless that Sipper guy comes back again nobody will know the difference. Trust me."

"Alberta says that most people won't know the difference," Sam said to Jay.

"Yeah, but don't we need a whisky still or something?" Jay asked. "And we don't have that."

"Actually…" Isaac paused. "We do. Or more specifically your relatives did, Samantha."

"What?" Sam asked.

Soon the ghosts as well as Sam and Jay were outside near the ruins of a dilapidated shed in the woods. "Are you telling me we had a different shed in the woods all this time?" Jay told them.

"Well, it's not much of a shed anymore," Sasappis remarked. "They built it years ago when Prohibition started and after it ended no one came out here."

"AAAAHHH!" Sam and Jay screamed as something ran out past them.

"Except the raccoons," Sasappis remarked. "Cute little guys, aren't they?"

"There aren't any ghosts here are there?" Jay winced.

"No, I don't see any other than our ghosts," Sam looked around.

"Not even the British ghosts come out here," Hetty remarked. "We tried to get the Cholera Pit ghosts to move out here a long time ago but they wouldn't."

Part of the shed's roof seemed to collapse. "To be fair I see their point," Isaac winced.

"The ghosts say the still is in there," Sam told Jay.

"I have to go in there?" Jay groaned. "Oh man."

"Jay be careful," Sam told her husband as he made his way inside. "Alberta says it's under a tarp and it's small."

"Okay…" Jay gulped as he carefully made his way in. "I see it! I see it!"

"Jay hurry up!" Sam told him. "That roof doesn't look safe!"

"It's not," Pete remarked.

"Got it!" Jay ran out carrying something small. Just then the roof collapsed on the small shed sending several bats flying out.

"AAAAHHH!" Jay, Sam and some of the ghosts shouted.

"Aww…" Flower pouted. "Poor bats lost their home."

"Needed better place anyway," Thorfinn waved. "Family got too big. Need room to grow."

"This is a still?" Jay looked at the small contraption. "I thought stills were a lot bigger."

"This is a special still," Alberta explained. "Earl developed it. Portable, small and able to create a bottle of hooch in under an hour! That's another reason we were able to keep it from the Feds. They could never find it. Well, that and the Woodstones had the local cops and judges in their pocket."

"It's a special still," Sam explained to Jay. "It's portable. Alberta's boyfriend Earl made it. It can make a bottle of whisky under an hour."

"Okay this isn't so bad," Jay remarked. "It's small and portable. I'm assuming Alberta knows how to work this thing."

"Of course, I can!" Alberta scoffed. "I learned how to make quick high-quality booze as well as sweet, sweet music. And how to load a machine gun. That's a story for another day."

"Alberta says yes," Sam translated.

"Okay so we clean this up and figure out how to power this machine…" Jay looked at it. "If it still works."

"Thor," Alberta looked at the Viking. "Do your thing."

"UGGHHAAAAAAHHHH!" Thorfinn used his power.

The still briefly came to life. "Whoa!" Jay gasped. "Okay this could work."

"So, we just get all the ingredients to make booze from the store?" Trevor asked.

"You have to mix the ingredients first in something large," Alberta explained. "And then put the stuff in the still."

"You mean like a pot?" Sam asked.

"I was thinking something bigger," Alberta grinned. "And more authentic."

A few hours and a trip to the grocery store later…

"I can't believe we're doing this," Sam groaned as she and Jay were in the bathroom with several ghosts. Jay was stirring a liquid in the bathtub.

"Wow," Jay remarked as he stirred. "We are making actual bathtub alcohol!"

"Well, we wanted to give our guests an authentic experience," Sam groaned.

"This is cool," Jay laughed.

"This is illegal!" Pete shouted.

"Oh, this takes me back," Alberta sighed. "To the good old days. Me and Earl would spend hours making whisky, music and…other things."

"Okay so we're literally breaking the law again," Pete groaned. "Seriously? Sam this is starting to become a thing!"

"Well, she is a Woodstone," Isaac remarked. "Well part Woodstone but still…"

"What do you mean?" Sam asked.

"Sam breaking the law is kind of a Woodstone family tradition," Sasappis explained.

"Which you are upholding very well," Trevor smiled as he smelled the fumes. "Wow…Those fumes are strong!"

"Whoa…" Sasappis blinked. Then started to giggle. "That stuff is good!"

"Oh my," Hetty giggled as well. "It does have a pleasing scent, doesn't it?"

Pete started to laugh uncontrollably. "HA! HA! This is so illegal! If Sam and Jay get found out we're all doomed! HA! HA! I don't know why I'm laughing!"

"I do!" Trevor laughed.

"The ghosts are getting buzzed from smelling the fumes," Sam explained.

"They're not the only ones," Jay blinked. "Whoo…I think some of my nose hairs just fell out."

"You might want to start putting some of that stuff into the still now," Alberta snickered. "Ha! HA! This takes me back!"

"I feel giddy," Isaac giggled. "I haven't felt this giddy since that one party I attended when Ben Franklin threw up all over Patrick Henry! That was funny!"

"The ghosts are really getting buzzed," Sam blinked as she saw the ghosts laugh and start to stumble around. "They're more affected by the fumes than we are."

"I think it's because ghosts have a stronger sense of smell than living people," Jay realized. "That means it affects them more."

"Yeah, this is gonna be some great hooch," Alberta grinned. "Just hope nobody goes blind drinking it."

Pete couldn't stop laughing. "You two are going to be in so much trouble if that happens! HA! HA! HA!"

"Oh boy…" Sam groaned.

Soon it was the night of the whisky tasting. Several well dressed and refined people were drinking different whiskies in the vault and listening to the music on an old record player Jay had found. Of course, the ghosts were there smelling the food and listening to the conversations. As well as having some conversations of their own.

"Who are those sourpusses?" Trevor pointed to two well-dressed men sniffing their whisky suspiciously.

"Professors Hanson and Blume," Isaac pointed in turn. First to the man with a short white beard and then the other with a clean-shaven face and a portly belly. "From some college nearby. Apparently, they're experts in the Era of Prohibition."

"More like experts in being downers," Flower groaned. "They've been complaining all night."

"Hey the food still smells good and that's what's important," Sasappis spoke up. "Well to me anyway."

Sam was holding a tray of appetizers and approached the two professors. "Crab quiche gentlemen?"

"You know they didn't serve quiche at actual speakeasies, right?" Professor Hanson remarked.

"Personally, I welcome this deviation," Professor Blume took two. "Try them Hanson. I had one earlier. They are delicious."

"One?" Isaac scoffed to his companions. "The man practically wolfed down the whole tray in one gulp. He almost swallowed Jay's hand he was eating them so fast!"

Professor Hanson had one. "Quite tasty. Mrs. Arondekar your husband is quite the chef."

"Are you enjoying our speakeasy experience?" Sam asked.

"I am," Professor Blume took another quiche quickly. "If the rest of your appetizers are as enchanting as this one, I will have a very pleasant evening. And the whisky is quite palatable."

"The fake corpse is a bit melodramatic," Professor Hanson sniffed. "But the ambiance is quite accurate to the time period. There were quite a few hidden rooms and underground vaults used as speakeasies in mansions during Prohibition."

"Yes," Professor Blume nodded. "You know there are rumors that this mansion once was the center of a good-sized bootlegging operation?"

"Really?" Sam said with a straight face. "Imagine that."

"Of course, nothing was ever proven," Professor Blume shrugged as he sipped his whisky. "The Woodstones were an upstanding family back in the day. Just because a few associates and ner'do wells went missing in the twenties people started speculating that the Woodstones had something to do with it."

"Seriously?" Sam asked.

"Nothing more than idle gossip of course," Professor Hanson waved. "Judge Woodstone had the chief of police himself search the house for alcohol and he found nothing."

"Nothing but a good bottle of scotch and his weekly cut of the profits," Alberta snickered to the other ghosts. "Didn't even really search the place. Just said he did and had a reporter he had in his pocket write up the article."

"It didn't stop the rumors though," Professor Blume added. "You know how townies love to gossip and spread stories. There was even one suggesting that there was a secret…"

SMASH!

"Whoopsie…" An older woman giggled as one of the homemade whisky bottles Sam and Jay had made broke on the floor. She had bumped into the table and had knocked one of them off.

"Oh dear," Professor Hanson sighed. "Looks like Matilda got sloshed a little earlier than usual."

"Liberal Arts," Professor Blume said disdainfully. "Can't take those people anywhere."

"I'll go clean that up," Jay went to get some supplies.

Meanwhile the ghosts leaned into the mess as the livings moved away from the broken glass. "Oh my…" Isaac took a sniff. "That homemade alcohol smells heavenly!"

"Nice body," Trevor quipped. "But enough about me. The whisky is good too!"

Sasappis rolled his eyes. "This stuff smells so good I can ignore Trevor's crass comment."

Hetty breathed it in. "Me too…"

Flower began to giggle. "This really gives me a good buzz!" She started to twirl around. "Wheee!"

It was all Sam could do to not scream out Flower's name as she walked through Professor Hanson as he took a drink. "OW!" Flower blinked.

"Oh," Professor Hanson blinked. "This has a kick!"

Flower staggered a bit and accidentally went through Professor Blume, narrowly missing Sam. "Wow…" Professor Blume blinked as he looked at his whisky glass. "This stuff is stronger than I thought."

"Oh dear…" Sam gulped at what she saw. "Watch out…"

Too late, Flower walked through two more guests. "OW! Watch it people!" Flower snapped. "Rude much?"

"Flower they…" Pete started giggling. "Oh, never mind…"

"Oh, I see where this is going…" Sam groaned as she left the vault. The guests were getting giddy and high from Flower's power.

Jay walked up with some cleaning supplies. "Okay how's it going in there? It sounds like things are going well."

"Not as well as you think. Flower walked through a few guests," Sam groaned. "And the ghosts have gotten really buzzed."

"CHUGGING CONTEST!" Someone yelled.

"Oh God…" Sam groaned as she and Jay looked in.

Professor Hanson and a few other professors were chugging whisky. "CHUG! CHUG! CHUG! CHUG!" The ghosts and several other patrons were cheering. Some people were dancing. Professor Blume was making out with Matilda from Liberal Arts.

"Wow," Jay blinked. "Under the right circumstances, college professors can party just as hard as frat bros."

"GO FOR IT BRO!" Trevor whooped at Professor Blume and Matilda. "YEAH!"

"THIS IS JUST LIKE ORGY BACK IN HOME COUNTRY!" Thorfinn whooped. The electric lights flickered and the phonograph sputtered. "RARRRR!"

"Our ghosts are really enjoying this party," Sam groaned as she saw the ghosts dancing and laughing. "A little too much."

"They're not the only ghosts who are getting that high," Jay winced. "I gave some of the whisky to the ghosts in the basement."

"YOU DID WHAT?" Sam shouted.

"I felt bad for those guys," Jay said. "Always stuck in the basement. Never coming to parties with the other ghosts. So, I opened up one of the bottles into a basin so they could smell it and…"

In the basement the Cholera Pit ghosts were standing around the basin with the alcohol with silly grins on their faces. "Wow…" Nancy laughed. "Just wow!"

"Everybody feel good?" Stuart asked. "I feel really good!"

"I just forgot I had cholera," One basement ghost giggled. "Oh wait I just remembered. Oh, there it goes again."

"Anybody else want to dance?" Cody asked. "I could dance!"

"LET'S PARTY!" Nancy whooped as the Cholera Pit ghosts started to dance wildly.

"Best basement ever!" Creepy Dirk laughed.

Back in the vault…

"La, la, la, la, la, la!" The ghosts were doing a conga line. "YEAH! ALL RIGHT!"

"WE'RE GOING STREAKING!" Professor Hanson whooped as he and several other male teachers started ripping off their clothes.

"TAKE IT OFF!" Hetty whooped.

"ALL RIGHT!" Alberta laughed. "Now this is a party!"

"Oh God…" Sam decided the smart thing to do was leave the vault immediately.

"So much for this not being another frat party," Jay groaned. "The ghosts must be having the time of their afterlives!"

"I just hope Trevor doesn't get any ideas," Sam winced as an old man in his underwear ran by.

The following morning Sam and Jay were cleaning the vault. "Man, those guys trashed the place," Jay swept up the glass. "Oh, look someone's underwear. Yuck!"

"Burn it," Sam groaned.

"Oh wow," Alberta walked in. "That was wild! Didn't know ghosts could get drunk. Best of all, since we have no bodies…No hangover! We gotta do that again!"

"Jay the next thing we're going to do after we clean this place is destroy that still," Sam groaned.

"Agreed," Jay nodded. "Oh great. More puke on Elias. Eh, it can wait."

"Look at the bright side Sam," Alberta said. "The party was a success. Everybody had a good time. Nobody figured out you were selling bathtub gin. You got paid and nobody went blind! What's the problem?"

"The problem is I have crazy ghosts in my house," Sam groaned. "And apparently a bad streak that's genetic."