This is an AU fic. The zombie apocalypse never happened and Clementine was adopted into the Halliwell family when she was 13 after being taken away from her abusive parents. She has a lot of emotional trauma and self worth issues that she has to deal with. She also has severe anxiety. Unfortunately, she doesn't cope with it in a healthy way.

Clementine and Violet are dating, obviously.

Ages

Clementine 18

Violet 18

Paige 20

Phoebe 22

Piper 23

Prue 25

Leo 25

This fanfiction contains sensitive subjects such as Self Harm, Suicide Attempts, Severe Anxiety, and Self Worth Issues. Please don't read if any of these subjects could be triggering or in any way harmful.

I will put a warning at the beginning of the chapter if it contains any of these.

!!!!! Chapter Warning: Self Harm !!!!

Italics = Thoughts

It all started with a cut. Clementine didn't mean to do it but when she accidently cut herself on a knife while doing the dishes, she felt relieved, like all her problems had disappeared with one simple slice.

She studied the wound on her hand and watched as blood ran down her arm, eventually dripping on to the floor.

Drip

Drip

The feeling of relief faded as quickly as it appeared and just like that she felt like she couldn't breathe again, like nothing had changed. Like she didn't just escape reality for a moment.

She desperately longed for it again. She wanted to grab the dirty knife and shed more blood but before she could, Piper walked in.

"Clementine, your bleeding." Piper guided her to the bathroom. "What happened?"

"It was an accident." Clementine said. "I got cut by a knife in the sink."

"It's ok, hunny. I got you." Piper wrapped her hand in gauze. "Don't worry about the dishes. I'll finish them."

"Okay." Clementine said quietly. "Thanks, Piper."

Clementine knew it was wrong, so it took her a while to gather the courage to do it again.

About a week later, she waited until nobody was home. It was one of those rare days where all her sisters were at work, so there was no risk of being caught.

After 5 minutes of nervous pacing, Clementine finally decided that she was going to go through with this.

She grabbed a knife from the kitchen and went into the bathroom. Unsure about where she should do it, She eventually decided on her arm, just below the wrist.

Clementine put the knife to her arm, her hands were shaking. She wanted to stop and forget about this whole thing but she needed the relief that it provided.

Without another thought, she made the cut. She let the calmness take over, while she watched the blood run down her arm and fall into the sink. All her problems seemingly disappeared again. She wanted it to last forever.

Once the feeling faded, she didn't feel calm anymore. She felt guilty.

"I can't believe that I just did that!" Clementine dropped the knife. Her heart pounded as she watched it tumble to the ground. "What's wrong with me?"

She was ashamed of herself. What would her sisters think? She regretted her decision but she couldn't deny how good it felt. She was conflicted but there was one thing she was sure of. She needed this.

"Your overthinking this whole thing. Nobody actually cares about you. They just feel obligated to pretend like they do." Clementine told herself. "I could disappear right now and nobody would notice..."

She felt overwhelmed by the situation. Her eyes were brimming with tears and it seemed like it was only a matter of moments before they would start to fall.

"I'm so useless! Why does anyone even bother?!"

Her tears started to fall but she quickly wiped them away.

"Your so weak! Stop crying!"

After Clementine had composed herself, she grabbed some toilet paper and put pressure on the wound. It stung but she was unfazed.

She pulled out the first aid kit and opened it. It had everything she would need for a minor injury.

She removed the toilet paper and examined the cut. It was deep but not fatal and the bleeding had ceased.

She grabbed a roll of gauze and wrapped her arm up. She didn't bother to clean it. She knew that getting an infection was a risk but she didn't care.

"Maybe I'll die faster. Then, I wouldn't have to burden anyone with my pointless existence." Clementine felt like her thoughts were never ending, and she was constantly struggling to keep them in check.

She cleaned everything up and returned the knife to the silverware drawer, making sure that no evidence was left behind.

She put on her hoodie to hide her arm from her sisters. They would freak out if they ever found out and she knew that they wouldn't understand.

Clementine wasn't sure if anyone would understand.

Clementine's new habit started occurring more frequently and the cuts were getting deeper. She started using a razor and It was much more effective than her previous tool.

She became very distant and withdrawn over the next few weeks. She barely talked to her sisters and she was trying to avoid them, which was difficult to do since she lives with them. Her sisters knew something was wrong but they couldn't figure out what.

"I'm worried about Clementine... Shes been so quiet lately." Piper said, concern lacing her voice as she turned to Phoebe.

Her sister agreed. "Me too. I wonder what's bothering her. Shes never this quiet."

"Maybe something happened between her and Violet. One of us should go talk to her." Piper suggested.

Paige entered the living room and sat on the couch next to Piper. She noticed that they were in the middle of a serious conversation. "What are you two talking about?"

"Will you try talking to Clementine?" Piper asked. "I think something's bothering her and she won't talk to me. Shes more open with you."

"Of course." Paige agreed. "But I'm not sure if she'll talk to me. Shes obviously avoiding us."

"You think so?" Phoebe asked.

Paige nodded and replied. "I know so. I used to avoid everyone when I was a moody teenager but I'm sure she's fine. Shes probably just nervous because she just finished high school and she doesn't know if she wants to go to college or what. I personally think that we should just give her some space."

"We need to at least talk to her and make sure she's fine." Piper demanded.

"Alright." Paige put her hands up in defeat. "I'll go see what she's up to."

Paige got up and went upstairs. Clementine's door was closed, so she knocked.

"Just a minute!" Came the panicked reply.

Paige frowned, worried immediately. "Clementine?"

"One sec!"

After a few moments had passed, Clementine opened the door.

"Hey, what's up?" Clementine smiled.

"Can I come in?"

"Of course." Clementine stepped aside and walked to the bed, where she sat down and watched Paige walk over and sit beside her.

"Is everything ok?" Paige asked.

"Yeah, everything's ok." Clementine's words seemed to contradict her body language, which was tense and nervous. Her hands were shaking, and she was avoiding eye contact, which suggested that something was wrong, even though she said everything was alright.

"I wanted to talk to you." Paige said.

"Ok."

"Sweetie... I'm worried about you. So is everyone else." Paige explained. "You've been so distant lately. If something's bothering you, you know you can come talk to me, right?"

"Yeah, I know." Clementine spoke quietly. "I'm ok tho. I'm just overwhelmed with everything right now. I have a lot going on."

"I know. Did you decide if you wanna go to college or not?" Paige asked.

"I don't think I'm gonna go."

"Well that's ok but you still have plenty of time to think about it, so don't worry too much, okay?" Paige gave an encouraging smile.

"Ok." Clementine smiled back.

Paige gave her a hug. "I love you, Clementine. We're all hanging out downstairs if you wanna-"

Paige stopped mid sentence when she noticed a few red spots on the floor. Her voice was full of concern as she asked. "Is that blood on your floor? Are you hurt?"

"I had a nose bleed." Clementine blurted out. "I'm not sure why."

"Oh ok..." Paige wasn't fully convinced. She inspected Clementine but she didn't see any noticeable injuries. "Are you sure your ok?"

"Yeah, I'm ok." Clementine claimed.

"Alright... Well we're all hanging out if you wanna join us." Paige offered. "I'll talk to ya later, hun."

Paige left the room and went back downstairs.

"What did she say?" Piper asked almost immediately.

"Shes just anxious about college and stuff. She told me that she might not go." Paige explained. "Besides that, there was blood on her floor."

"Blood on her floor?" Piper questioned. "Why?"

"She told me that she had a nose bleed but she seemed nervous about the whole thing. Like she wasn't telling the truth." Paige felt confused.

Paige couldn't figure out why she would lie about something like that unless she was hurt but why would she lie about an injury?

"Something weird is going on." Phoebe commented.

"Yeah, I would say so." Paige agreed.

"I'm sure it's nothing..." Piper said this in an attempt to reassure herself, even though she had a feeling that something was wrong. "We just gotta keep an eye on her."

Piper had an idea of what might be going on but she wasn't sure how to confront Clementine about it. She wanted to believe that she could trust Clementine but something tells her that the blood on the floor is from something much worse than a nose bleed.

Although it was difficult, Clementine tried to be more involved with her sisters. It was mostly just for show, but she did enjoy spending time with them. She just gets nervous around them sometimes because she's worried they might find out about her new habit and she couldn't deny the fact that she's severely depressed. The thought of never leaving her room again was slowly becoming more appealing every day.

She slept in till noon today, which was becoming more common as of late. She found it difficult to motivate herself to get up and start her day.

Clementine laid there half awake. She thought about just going back to bed. However, she knew that the thoughts and feelings that had been plaguing her would be waiting for her when she woke up. She felt like the only way to escape them was to use the razor.

She opened the drawer of her nightstand and routinely pulled out a razor, a rag and a roll of gauze.

She placed the contents of the drawer on to the nightstand, except for the razor. She looked down at the cuts and scars that littered her left arm.

"Why am I doing this to myself?" Clementine knew that she didn't have a reasonable answer to her question.

"Because it's a good distraction." She argued with herself.

There wasn't much room on her left forearm, so she decided to switch to her other one. Without any hesitation, she sliced her arm. Intense pain shot through her arm.

"Fuck!" Clementine cried out as she dropped the razor.

A concerning amount of blood gushed out of the wound. It was getting all over her clothes and the floor. It was much deeper than intended. She frantically grabbed the rag and pressed it to the cut.

The rag quickly became soaked in blood. She started to feel very weak and scared. A terrible combination.

After a few minutes had passed, she lifted the rag and sighed in relief when she saw that the bleeding had slowed down. The sight of the gaping wound made her feel sick.

She took a moment to collect herself but It was short lived.

Knock

Knock

"Clementine? Are you still sleeping?" Violet asked. "Can I come in?"

"I-I'm changing. I'll b-be out in a minute." Clementine replied, nervously stumbling over her words.

There was a short pause before Violet finally spoke. "Ok. I'll wait for you downstairs."

Clementine threw the bloody rag into the garbage that was in her room. She grabbed the roll of gauze and tightly applied it to her arm.

After that, she took off her ruined shirt and attempted to clean up the small puddle of blood that had formed by the side of her bed. She wasn't able to get all of it and she knew she would have to clean it more thoroughly later.

She picked up the razor and put it back in the drawer along with the roll of gauze. Then, she put on a fresh pair of clothes, including her hoodie and hid the old ones in her closet. She planned to dispose of those later.

She left her room and went into the bathroom, where she cleaned the blood off of her arm.

Now that everything was cleaned up for the most part, she was ready to face Violet.

To Be Continued...

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