and i'll be yours (to keep)

by pinktrixie

Sometimes, it was hard to believe in happy endings and fairy tales and pixie dust. The world was harsh and impossible and cruel. People died, people left. Sometimes, it was hard to be happy, to have hope, to believe. / a calzona soulmate story; complete; one shot.

and i'll be yours (to keep)

title from ben howard's "only love"

how the soulmates thing works in this universe:

- 'marks' start showing up between 8-10

- includes writing, drawing, tattoos etc. but doesn't include scars, cuts, makeup, bruises, etc.

- some people just get all of their soulmate's information and find them that way, but most people prefer to let things work out naturally and so don't necessarily ask for name, location, etc.

- honestly, just roll with it, I promise it'll make sense as the story goes and it will be explained

happy reading! it is meant to be read as a one shot, but ffn really did not appreciate that sentiment so it's in three very long parts

reach out on twitter, tumblr, discord, etc (on discord, there's a dedicated channel just for this fic)

---

19 July 1984

Boston, Massachusetts

"Grandmère, I have a question," Arizona said as she hauled herself up into the chair at her grandmother's kitchen table, already reaching for a cookie in the jar. Her grandmother watched with an amused glint in her eye, continuing to knead out the bread.

"Yes, Arizona?"

"How do you know if you have a soulmate?" Her grandmother's hands stilled and her eyes went a bit sad. Arizona shrank back in the chair. There was a moment too long of silence and Arizona wanted to squirm. "I...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you sad, Grandmère."

"No, no," her grandmother was quick to speak, "I suppose you're of that age now. Have you had any marks start showing up?" At the question, Arizona stared down at her own hands with half-bitten nails and a bit of dirt still under her fingers from having to play goalie for Tim. She shook her head. "Mine started when I was 9, so you've still got some time. Your dad started showing your mom's marks when he was 10. Your Aunt Eloise also got hers around then. Same with your Uncle Patrick."

"What was the first one you ever got?" Arizona asked, leaning half her weight onto the table as she tried to examine her grandmother's hands for any marks.

A wistful sort of smile crossed her grandmother's face. It reminded her a bit of the smile her mom got around Christmas when her dad wasn't around. He was never around. Arizona bit down on her cheek before she could start scowling. Tim told her if she scowled too much her face would get stuck like that.

Arizona grabbed a small bit of dough that had fallen away from the larger piece her grandma was working on and started rolling it between her fingers.

"It was perfectly mundane. It was an address for a clothing shop in Boston. Your… your grandfather… his mother sent him to retrieve a package for her and she didn't want him to get lost, so she wrote the address on his hand. She had wonderful handwriting. It was so…élégante," her grandmother said, her hands never ceasing as she kneaded the bread. "My maman was delighted that he had such perfect penmanship. My papa was delighted that he was American or at the very least well-travelled." Arizona nodded along, her grandmother's accent becoming more pronounced as she spoke. "Your grandfather said that the first marks he received from me was what he thought was me cheating on a test because it was in French. His father pointed out that it was actually just a grocery list."

"Wasn't that tricky? If you didn't speak the same language?" Arizona asked, now picking apart her small bit of dough. "What if my soulmate speaks Chinese or something?"

Her grandmother reached across the table to tweak her nose before carefully placing her dough back in a bowl. "You're a clever girl. You'll figure it out. Maybe he will be French. On ne sait jamais. [You never know.]" Arizona wrinkled her nose at that. " Viens, mon petit. Le pain a besoin de repos et vous aussi. [Come on, my little one. The bread needs to rest and so do you.]" She ran a hand through Arizona's unruly curls, tipping the little girl's head up so she could look her in the eye.

" Mais Grandmère, je ne suis pas fatiguée. [But Grandmère, I'm not tired.] Mommy doesn't make me take naps anymore."

"Ah, I see. So you are fully grown now, yes? You can come and help me with the vegetable garden then."

Arizona pouted slightly but dutifully followed her grandmother out into her vegetable garden, a legacy from her early life. She really was quite concerned about what language her soulmate spoke. Arizona knew French quite well and a bit of German and Albie, who she had sat next to last year, had taught her some curse words in Russian. But seriously, what if her soulmate only spoke Chinese or something weird like Klingon? Tim had a friend who spoke Klingon. It seriously freaked Arizona out.

"Come along, Arizona. We have lots of weeding to do."

---

4 September 1984

Miami, Florida

"Calliope! You are going to be late for the first day of school!" Her mother called up the stairs and Callie could already hear the urgent tapping of her foot at the bottom of the stairs.

"Yeah, Calliope ," added Aria as she passed by Callie's room. "Mom still has to drive you to school 'cause you're a baby. Have a good day at baby school."

Callie lunged at her sister, aiming for her stupid ponytail, but a strong pair of arms caught her around the waist.

"Now, now, Calliope. Your sister is just teasing. That's what siblings do."

"Can't I take the bus too, Daddy?" Her father smiled fondly down at her.

"Once you're in secondary school, you can ride the bus with your sister. For now, isn't it nice that you get extra time with me and your Mami?" He dropped to one knee as he whispered conspiratorially, "I bet, if you're very good and clever at school, your Mami could be persuaded to take you out for ice cream after school. Aria has swim practise after school, so you'll have some free time."

Callie's eyes went wide. "You think?"

"You know Mami can't say no to strawberry ice cream," he said, ruffling her hair a bit.

"Daddy," she whined, already reaching out to fix her errant hair.

"Mija, what is that?" He asked, his voice suddenly very seriously, not unlike how it was when he talked to his business friends. He caught her wrist, turning her hand over to expose her palm. "Lucia, dear! Come here!"

"Daddy?" Her bottom lip trembled as her father turned her hand back towards her so she could see for herself. "It's hard to read, part of it's crossed out. It says: Mrs Rosenfeld, room 513 ? And I can't read the rest. I didn't write this…. Wait! Is this from my soulmate?" Callie glanced back to her father, who smiled back with glimmering eyes.

"Carlos, Calliope's going to be late and on the first day… what's happened? Are you sick? Calliope, you just have to talk with the other children. You get along well with Abigail, don't you?"

"No, no, Calliope is… look, Lucia, look at her palm."

Callie eagerly held up her palm for her mother's inspection. A bright, practically blinding smile erupted on her mother's face. "Oh, mija, that's wonderful! And look at that, such nice penmanship. I'm sure he's a wonderful young man." Her mother pulled her into a tight hug, crushing her against her perfectly creased blouse.

Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes as she inhaled the familiar smell of her mother's perfume. She had a soulmate. There was someone out there who was made for her, someone who'd always love her. Sometimes she felt so alone. Her sister was the worst. Her parents were always busy with work. And she found it so hard sometimes to make friends. But there was someone out there for her.

That was more than enough for Callie.

And that night, hidden under her covers with a flashlight and a marker, she drew out a very careful heart on the inside of her thumb.

---

11 March 1985

Jacksonville, North Carolina

Arizona leaned against the porch, watching as her brother fiddled with the key. "You're so slow," she groaned, tipping her head back.

"Shut up, Arizona."

"My lip hurts."

"I know. How do you think my ribs feel?" Tim shot back, letting out a whoop as the door unlocked. "Your face wouldn't hurt if you didn't get into a fight."

"You got into a fight too," she protested with a pout.

Tim rolled his eyes before pushing his too-long hair out of his eyes. "I got in a fight 'cause you got in a fight. Why didn't you tell me they were picking on you?"

Arizona scuffed her shoe against the baseboard, unable to meet Tim's eye. "'s stupid."

"You coulda told me and I woulda made them back off."

"I don't need your help, Tim." She stomped past him towards the kitchen. Her right hand positively ached with every motion and her lip throbbed. That wasn't even considering what would probably be a very impressive black eye the next morning. "You want frozen peas or the ice pack?"

"Frozen peas. Arizona, you gotta tell me if you're getting picked on. Or tell your teacher."

Sighing in relief at the coolness of the ice pack on her hand, Arizona said, "I did tell the teacher. She said they probably just had a crush on me. Which is gross." She stuck her tongue out. "They all pull on my hair during class and I'm the smallest one in class and I'm younger because Dad made us move in the middle of the year last year. And I have a weird name."

Tim wrapped an arm around her, wincing at the strain on his bruised ribs. "Your name's not that weird. But really, Arizona, tell me next time before I have to come out after school to find you picking a fight."

"Wasn't picking a fight," she mumbled into his shirt. "Was standin' up for myself."

"Well, next time, let me do it when the kids are like twice your size, okay?"

"They weren't that much bigger than me."

"Dude, one of 'em was my height. You're short. Deal with it." Tim whimpered a bit as he moved the peas to his cheek. "Wanna go see what cartoons are on?"

Arizona nodded eagerly, offering her good hand to help Tim stand up straight.

"What's going on here?" Arizona froze, her back to the door. She glanced up at Tim, whose eyes had gone wide.

"Nothing, sir. Just a little misunderstanding at school," Tim said, dropping the peas away from his face.

"A misunderstanding? Arizona, would you turn around please?"

Arizona turned slowly, bracing herself for the look of disappointment and anger in her father's eyes. "Hi Daddy," she tried, flashing the brightest smile she could muster at her father.

He stood in the doorway, arms folded over his chest, a hard set to his jaw. "Timothy Daniel Robbins, tell me you did not punch your sister."

Tim baulked next to her. "Of course not! It wasn't me!"

"Then who was it?" The two siblings glanced at each other. "Don't look at each other. Look at me."

"Really, Dad, it wasn't Arizona's fault-"

"-they just kept pickin' on me, so I-"

"-I was just trying to help out. There were like 5 of them!"

"-wasn't Tim's fault." Arizona choked on a sob, tears falling down her cheeks freely. "Daddy, it hurts." Her father's expression softened slightly as Arizona wrapped her arms around his waist, sobbing into his side. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"Arizona, that's enough. Both of you, sit." He gently pushed Arizona towards the kitchen table. Once both his children were sat down, he began, "Now, from what I understood from the two of you yelling over each other, Arizona got in a fight and you jumped in to help her."

"Nick did too," supplied Tim, his gaze fixed firmly on one of their mother's orchids.

"Nick's not my child. I'll leave Nick to his parents. As for you two, I'm disappointed. You shouldn't be picking fights."

"But I didn't-"

"Enough, Arizona!" Arizona shrank back in her seat. "You're both grounded. No TV for a week. Now, Arizona, go to your room and finish your homework. Timothy, I would like to speak to you."

"You can't do that!" Arizona protested, the words leaving her mouth before her brain could catch up. "Only Mom can ground us." Why did she keep talking?

"Arizona Cecilia Robbins, upstairs now. If I hear another word out of you, it'll 2 weeks."

Fighting the urge to roll her eyes, she nodded and mumbled, "Yes, sir."

"What was that? No mumbling."

"Yes, sir." Her hands twitched at her sides. She curled them into fists so as to stop herself from being cheeky and saluting her father. That would definitely get her 2 weeks or more. Tim nodded to her, his cheeks flushed with the embarrassment of being yelled at. As she passed behind her father, she mouthed to Tim, "I'm sorry." He just shook his head.

Chin pressed to her chest, Arizona made her way up the stairs towards her room.

"... you're supposed to look out for her!"

Arizona paused, mindful of the creaky step.

"Dad, I was, I swear. She got into it with some boys from her class after school. I came out to find her right when one of them hit her. Nick and I got in the middle of it." Arizona leaned against the railing, trying to hear better. "She said they'd been picking on her. I didn't know. She didn't tell me. Dad, I swear, if I'd known, I'd've done something-"

"It's alright, Tim. I believe you." There was a long pause and Arizona strained to hear anything. "You did good, son. I know that this isn't easy on you two. Your sister… she's headstrong and she won't ask for help. But you protect those you love, Timothy. Now, I want you to sit here and work on your homework. And keep that ice on your face. Your mother will take a look at it when she gets home."

Arizona's eyes went wide at the sound of heavy footsteps. She scrambled up the stairs, jumping the last two steps.

Pulling her homework folder out of her backpack, Arizona lunged towards her small desk, wincing as her knee banged into the desk.

"Bug?"

"Daddy?" she turned to face her father, mindful to keep a sad smile on her face. "I'm just working on my math homework."

"Very good. Your mother will have to take a look at your face. I'll be in my office if you need me."

"Yes, sir." Arizona started to turn back to her work, but her father called her name again. "Daddy?"

"Did you win?"

"Yes, sir."

"Good girl."

Arizona suppressed the urge to smile. She turned back to her homework as the door clicked shut behind her. As she reached for a pencil with her left hand, she noticed something on her hand.

Hi

Arizona grinned, only wincing a bit as it pulled at her swollen lip. She grabbed a marker and quickly wrote out, Hey! with a smiley face.

I'm bored

Why?

Waiting for my dad

I'm bored too

Why?

I'm grounded

Why?

Got in a fight

Arizona carefully stretched out her fingers, the simple task of holding a marker uncomfortable.

Shouldn't do that

Arizona stuck her tongue out at her hand.

He deserved it

Did you win?

Yep!

Good job I guess

Somehow, Arizona's bruised face and hand didn't hurt so much anymore. She'd had her first proper, intentional conversation with her soulmate. There was someone out there who was made perfect for her.

---

30 March 1986

Miami, Florida

"Woozle, c'mere, Woozie!"

Aria appeared in the screen door. "Cal, it's almost time to leave. Mami and Daddy will freak if you get grass on your dress. Auntie Sonja and Uncle Ray just got here."

Callie scooped up her ferret, mindful to keep him away from her dress. Once he was safely back in his run, she joined her sister in the kitchen.

"Ugh, come with me. You need perfume."

"Stop being so dramatic, Aria."

"Fine, go to your confirmation smelling like a ferret. See if I care." Aria threw her hands up.

"Wait, wait, you're right."

Aria snorted. "I'm always right."

"You were wrong when you were helping me with my history homework last week."

"History is lame."

Callie followed her sister into her room, taking a seat on the edge of her bed. She glanced around Aria's room. She almost never let Callie in there, even though their mom said she couldn't lock Callie out (or in her closet either). Her walls were covered in posters of Duran, Duran and Tom Cruise and Wham!, despite their mother's complaints that it was damaging to the wallpaper. At the sight of a scuff mark near the window, Callie blurted out, "Are you sneaking out of your room? I thought I heard something!"

Aria spun around, perfume in hand like a weapon. "You better not say anything, Callie, or I swear to God, I will make your life so miserable."

Callie leaned away from her sister. "Oh yeah? I bet I could tell Mami and Daddy before you could do anything and then you'll be so grounded forever."

Aria narrowed her eyes at her, weighing her options. "I'll drive you and your friends around until the end of the school year if you keep your dumb mouth shut."

Callie tapped her mouth as she considered it. "And you have to clean Woozle's cage every other day."

"Callie…."

"Or I can go tell them that you're sneaking out to go see Ricky at the beach. Is he your boyfriend? Do you love him? Aria and Ricky sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage!" She sang as she darted under Aria's outstretched arm.

"God, you're such a brat. Fine, yes, just don't tell Mami and Daddy. Now come here so I can spray you. I don't want to sit in a car with a brat smelling like a ferret." Aria spritzed her a few times before stepping back to survey Callie. "Your bow is going to fall off. Let me fix it." Callie spun around so Aria could fix it. "There we go. You ready to get confirmed?"

Callie swallowed back her nerves and nodded, trying to keep her chin tipped up in the same way that her mother and Aria always did.

"You look like you're going to spew. If you're gonna, make sure you aim for Great Aunt Carla and her really, really fucking ugly hat."

"Mom!" Aria pinched Callie's side, even as Callie tried to squirm away. "Aria said-" Aria slapped a hand over Callie's mouth.

" Déjense de molestar, si siguen haciendo cualquier cosa vamos a llegar tarde! Calliope, más te vale que estés lista, de verdad! [Stop bothering, if you two keep doing whatever we're going to be late! Calliope, you better be ready, for real]"

Aria let her little sister go, shoving Callie away from her. "Coming!" She yelled, dragging Callie out of her room by the elbow. "I was just helping Callie fix something."

"Look at my beautiful girls," her father said as he emerged from the master bedroom, straightening his tie. He clapped a hand on each of their shoulders, Aria ducking away immediately, bounding down the stairs. Her father sighed heavily with a shake of his head. "Well, you look wonderful, my Calliope. Are you all ready for your confirmation?"

"I think I'm gonna throw up."

Her father chuckled at that. He leaned in conspiratorially, whispering, "If you think you're going to be sick, make sure you aim for your mother's Aunt Carla and not your mother's very expensive shoes that cost an arm and a leg."

"Daddy," she laughed as he tickled her.

"Calliope! Carlos! We're going to be late. What do you expect me to say to Father Kevin if Calliope misses her confirmation?"

"Coming, dear!" Her father wrapped an arm around Callie's shoulders, steering her towards the stairs. "You'll be fine, Calliope. I just know it." Callie just managed a nod, slightly terrified if she opened her mouth she'd be sick.

At the bottom of her stairs, her mother was waiting, tapping her foot impatiently. " Gordita, te quedo bien el vestido? [Did the dress fit well?]" Her mother pursed her lips, her eyes flitting up and down Callie's form. Callie fidgeted under her mother's gaze. "Stop fussing, Calliope. It will have to do. We don't have time to find you another dress."

"Can't I just wear my nice pants?"

Her mother readjusted Callie's hair none too gently, tsking as she went. "Absolutely not. You'd think you'd been raised by wolves. Now, go say hello to your Aunt Sonja and Uncle Ray. They've been waiting."

---

1 August 1987

San Diego, California

"Can we get matching casts?"

"Ugh, no, go away, Arizona."

"Tim," she whined.

"Stop it. You're being annoying."

"My arm hurts."

"I know. So does mine. I told you you couldn't play with us." Arizona pouted at her brother. "Right, Nick? I told her she couldn't play with us. And now look, you're missing a tooth and you broke my arm."

The other boy glanced between them nervously. "I'm not getting in the middle of this."

"You broke my arm too!" Arizona protested, nodding towards her wrist. "s'not my fault I'm better at soccer than you."

Tim's face was starting to turn a really fun shade of red. "You're not better than me!"

"Are too."

"Are not."

"Are too."

"Are not."

"How about we get you two fixed up and then you can settle who's better on the field?" A pair of doctors entered the room, a woman and a man. The man continued speaking, "So, I see here, we've got a Timothy and Arizona Robbins here. Is your mother here yet?"

"Nick's sister is calling her right now, Lieutenant Commander," Tim replied, sitting up straight. Arizona copied him out of habit.

"So, what seems to be the problem, Mr Robbins?"

Tim's cheeks flushed a bit as he said, "We were playing soccer, sir, and my baby sister and I had a bad collision. Both of our arms hurt real bad, sir. And 'rizona's missing a tooth. It was an accident I swear."

The female doctor moved to stand in front of Arizona. Arizona stared up at her warily. She had really pretty dark hair. Arizona liked her blonde hair a lot, but the doctor's was like really, really pretty.

"Can I take a look, sweetheart?" The doctor asked, motioning to her arm. Arizona nodded quickly, a weird feeling tugging at her stomach. "Thanks. I'm Dolores, what's your name?"

"Arizona. It's kinda a weird name."

"It's pretty. I like it."

"Really?" Arizona asked, eyes wide as she watched the doctor examine her arm. "You think so?"

"Definitely. It's very unique. Now, can you try to flex your fingers for me? Does that hurt?" Arizona winced, but shook her head so as not to disappoint the doctor. "Really? Not at all? That's pretty impressive." Dolores leaned in closer, glancing over her shoulder to where her colleague was chatting with Tim and Nick. "How about we try again? I think you and your brother are hurt in the same way, but boys are kind of dumb, so you have to show them what to do."

Arizona nodded quickly in agreement. "Boys are dumb. They didn't want me to play with them because I can score more goals than Tim can save."

"Shut up, Arizona!" Tim called, glaring at her.

"Are you two still fighting?" Connie, Nick's 17 year old sister, asked from the doorway. "Your mom should be here soon. Stop arguing," Connie added with all the exasperation of a teenager who would rather be anywhere but at the hospital with her little brother's friends.

"Okay, Arizona, let's try this again. Flex your fingers for me."

"It hurts," Arizona admitted in a whisper, reluctant to let Tim and Nick know how much. "What does that mean?"

"It means you've won yourself a trip to the x-ray machine, young lady. It'll sound a bit scary for a minute while we take the pictures, but these are special pictures so we can see the inside of your arm."

"Can I see?"

"See what?"

"See the pictures inside my arm. That sounds so cool," Arizona lisped through the last few words, the throbbing in her mouth becoming more pronounced.

"Sure, kid. Open wide for me. I need to check your mouth." Arizona followed her instruction, watching with interest as the doctor snapped on a pair of gloves and retrieved a flashlight. "Did you get kicked in the face?"

"I didn't mean to!" Tim yelped from across the room. "This is all your fault, Arizona."

"Is not. Yeah, he kicked me in the face."

"Are you dizzy?"

"I dunno. Kinda."

"Hm, okay. We'll do a concussion test too."

"What's that? A concussion?"

The doctor sat back in a stool in front of Arizona. "Okay, so your brain sits in the middle of your skull and your skull is there to protect and keep it safe so you can keep learning in school and get really smart." Tim chuckled from his spot before yelping in pain, cutting off whatever dumb comment he surely would've said. "But if you get knocked in the head, your brain can move around-"

"-gross," interjected Nick.

"Awesome," Arizona corrected, watching the doctor's hands as she demonstrated how her brain could move.

"And when that happens, it can basically get a bit injured and make you feel gross. So we'll do a test for that and go from there. Sound good?"

"Yep. Totally."

"Right through here, ma'am."

"Oh thank God, you're both okay," their mother cried as she rushed into the room, her eyes wide and frantic. She pressed a kiss to Arizona's forehead before pulling back to survey the damage. "I was so worried when Connie called. Doctor, is she okay? Are they both okay?" Her mother hurried to Tim's side to give him a kiss as well, despite his best efforts to avoid it. "Timothy Daniel, what happened?"

"We were just playing soccer, that's all, Mom."

"Yeah, Mama, it's fine. Look, Tim got my last baby tooth out!" Arizona grinned at her mother in reassurance, but based off her mother's expression, it did exactly the opposite.

"Oh God."

"Mrs Robbins, why don't we speak outside and explain what needs to happen?" The male doctor said, nodding towards the door.

Once the adults were out of the room, Nick said his goodbyes while his sister tapped her foot impatiently. "C'mon, dweeb, let's go."

As soon as the Hayes were out of the room, Tim twisted on his bed to glare at her. "Look how freaked out Mom is. Are you happy now? Can't you see how stressed she is about Dad being gone? Why'd you have to bother me and Nick? Now Mom's upset and even more stressed than she was before." Arizona's bottom lip wobbled as Tim yelled at her in a hushed whisper. "God, you're so freakin' annoying sometimes." Tim huffed out a sigh, wincing a bit as he tried to move his injured arm. "You need to get your own friends."

Arizona bit down on her bottom lip to stop any tears from falling before remembering the painful gap in her teeth. "You don't have to be so mean all the time."

"I'm not being mean. I'm just telling the truth, you dork." Tim stuck his tongue out at her. "Just leave me alone. Nick's my best friend."

Arizona wiped at her cheeks with her uninjured arm. "But… but… but…"

"Stop being such a baby. Dad's in a really dangerous place and you're just being annoying."

"Timothy!" Their mother snapped from the doorway. "Leave your sister alone."

"But, Mom, she keeps following me and Nick around and it's so annoying," Tim complained with a groan.

But their mother was having none of it. "That's enough." She took a seat next to Arizona as a doctor came in to take Tim away for an x-ray. Dolores came back in and talked them through the concussion test and procedures, Arizona hanging onto her every word, despite her headache.

"Right, well, someone will be by soon to swap you and your brother and we'll get you two sorted."

"Thank you, Doctor," her mother said, shaking the other woman's hand. "Arizona," she prompted.

"Thank you, Doctor, for helping me."

"Of course, sweetheart."

Her mother let out a long sigh as soon as Dolores left, moving to join Arizona on the small bed. "How are you feeling, bug?"

Arizona sniffled, burying her face in her mother's shoulder. "It hurts," she admitted, "And I just wanted to play with Tim and Nick."

"I know, I know." Her mother brushed her messy curls back with gentle fingers.

"'m sorry for upsetting you. Tim's mean."

"Your brother's just a teenager."

"Teenagers are stupid then. When is Daddy coming home?" She curled further into her mother as a few tears escaped unbidden. "I miss him."

"Not for a few more months." Arizona nodded against her mother's shoulder, a sob breaking free of her chest. "Oh, sweetheart." Her mother shifted a bit on the bed, reaching for her purse. "It's okay. Your dad's okay. I promise."

"But, but, John B's dad went away and he didn't come back. What if Daddy doesn't come home?"

"How about we see how he's doing?"

Arizona lifted her head. She knew her parents checked in almost every day her dad was away through their soulmarks, but her mom rarely showed her or Tim. Tim said it was because she didn't want them to know if he was hurt or dead or something. But he also said he would know because it was supposed to be really painful when your soulmate died.

"Can we?"

Her mom nodded. "See, I write ok on the back of my hand and when your dad sees it, he'll write back ok."

"Will he see it right away?"

"It depends. It's late where he is."

"Is it dangerous where he is?"

Clear worry and pain crossed her mother's face and Arizona instantly regretted her question.

"It is. But your dad, he's good at staying safe. He has to, so he can come home to us."

Arizona kept her gaze fixed on her mother's upturned palm, praying silently for her dad's 'ok' to appear. She let out a breath she didn't know she had been holding as an 'ok' appeared on her mother's palm, followed shortly by a small heart. Her mother let out a shaky laugh and closed her palm.

"See? He's okay. Everything's okay, Arizona."

Arizona relaxed back, letting her mother absently braid her hair back away from her face. Even with the confirmation that her dad was alright, she couldn't shake Tim's words.

He was such a jerk. She wasn't a baby. Nick was only a year and a half older than her and Tim didn't think he was a baby. It wasn't her fault that they moved at weird times. Tim was her best friend. Half the time, Nick wasn't even in the same place as them. But they were always together.

Later that night, as Arizona was curled on the sofa, trying to stay awake, Tim dropped onto the sofa next to her.

"'m sorry," he all but grunted. "Wanna watch a movie?"

"Tim, do not let your sister watch Indiana Jones again. She had nightmares for a week afterwards," their mother called from the kitchen.

"I know," Tim called back. "I got The Goonies on the VHS. It was supposed to be for your birthday. But I suppose it can be an early birthday present since I did knock one of your teeth out." He passed her the tape, a sheepish smile on his face, one dimple visible.

"Really?" She grinned at him, poking the tip of her tongue through the new hole in her teeth. "You're the best."

"Yeah, yeah. You're still a dork though." He ruffled her hair. As the movie started up, he turned to her. "What colour cast are you getting?"

"I dunno. What are you getting? Since you said we can't have the same colour."

The tips of Tim's ears turned pink. "I was being a jerk. You can pick the colour we both get."

"So if I got pink?"

"Seriously, 'rizona?"

"Seriously. You were mean. And you knocked my tooth out."

Tim groaned, collapsing back on the couch dramatically. "You were about to tie it to a door anyway." Arizona pouted at him. "Fine, I'll get pink."

"Nah, I was gonna get blue, but you should get pink. It'll look really good on you," she said as she rested her head on her brother's shoulder.

"You're a brat."

"Love you too, Timmy."

"Love you too."

---

20 April 1990

Miami, Florida

"You're Callie, right?" Callie's head snapped up as a shadow loomed over her.

"Yes, uh, yeah, that's me."

"Cool, cool," the boy in front of her laughed nervously, running a hand through his hair. "Um, I'm… you know, my locker's down the hall from mine and um, oh right, I'm," he coughed, his cheeks flushed. "D'you wanna go to the Spring Dance with me?"

Callie glanced around as if looking for someone else he could be talking to. "Oh, sure, yeah, that'd be fun."

The boy sighed in relief. "Oh thank God. I was so nervous. No offence, you're like crazy pretty, but kinda scary. I'm Peter, but most people call me Pete. But you're sure, you'll go with me? I know it's kinda lame and dorky, but it's not like we can go to prom yet. Unless an upperclassman asked you or something?"

"No, no, I'd love to go with you, Pete," she smiled up at him. "Do you wanna sit for a bit?" She motioned to the bench next to her, genuinely shocked by how steady and cool she sounded. A boy asked her to the Spring Dance. No one had asked her to homecoming and that had been okay. She went with a few of her friends who had decided they were too cool for dates, but that didn't mean she wasn't a bit jealous of her friends who got corsages and cute pictures and got to slow dance. Callie didn't thrive at talking to people at the best of times, so she had basically written herself off.

"Wow, that's so cool," Pete said, leaning in to look at her sketchbook where she had been working on her naturalism assignment. "Is that a hummingbird?"

"Mhm. We're supposed to draw things we can see." She pointed to the hummingbird fluttering around on the other side of the courtyard.

"That's totally sick. I'm doing band as my art requirement. It's the worst though. Mrs Fisher spits when she talks and the whole room smells like fish somehow."

"What instrument do you play?" Callie asked, slipping her sketchbook back into her backpack.

"Saxophone. I'm really into jazz sax, but all we ever play is random movie music, which is a bummer." Pete shrugged, pushing his floppy hair back from his eyes, and wow, he was actually pretty cute. Callie's gaze lingered on the flower on the back of his hand. "Oh, yeah, my soulmate, she really likes flowers and gets bored so she draws them. I know it's not very manly or cool or whatever, but I really like them," he whispered, twisting to make sure none of their classmates was around.

"That's sweet. Do you know her name?"

"Nah, my parents said it's better to let things run their course. You?"

"Same. They're pretty traditional."

"So, uh, a few friends of mine were planning on doing a dinner before the dance, would you wanna come with?" Pete mumbled as he scratched the back of his neck. "Jake's dad got us a reservation at Trilogy, but we don't have anywhere to hang out before. Normally, we'd do it at Oscar's, but his parents are out of town, which totally sucks because his house is awesome."

With flushed cheeks and the residual excitement of being asked, Callie volunteered, "We could do it at my house if you want. We have a game room with air hockey and a pool table and a foosball table. It's really cool. Would that work?"

"Oh, are you serious?" Pete asked, his voice cracking a bit with the excitement. "That'd be perfect. Thanks, Callie!" He surged forward, pressing a sloppy kiss to her cheek. "You're the best. I'll give you a call after school so we can figure all the details out. I better run. I've got gym on the other side of campus first period."

Callie nodded along, at a loss for words for how her morning had turned out. Fifteen minutes ago, she had been dreading having to come up with a reason to skip the dance. All of her friends had already been asked and they weren't quite sure what to do with Callie and her datelessness. Now she had a date and Pete seemed sweet.

The whole day, Callie found herself practically floating through school. She actually really liked school. She liked being good at things and she was really good at school. Her parents loved to brag about how she had already been selected for the honour list her first semester in high school and she was well on the track to repeat that.

And maybe she took a sick bit of pleasure from the way teachers were always surprised at what a dedicated student she was in comparison to Aria, who was more the type to just show up and do well. Callie liked to put in the work and do research on her essays and turn in extra credit assignments.

But on this day, she found herself less engaged in class and more focused on daydreaming. Pete was sweet and liked her drawings and admitted that he liked the flowers his soulmate drew. Plus, his blonde, swoopy hair was very cute.

"... dude, I told you it'd work."

Callie paused to retie her shoe before she tripped over it. Eddie would just scold her if he saw it when she got to the car.

"Jake, I dunno, man." Callie froze at the sound of Pete's voice. "It seems sort of mean. She's actually really nice."

Staying crouched on the ground, she shifted closer to the half-wall dividing the corridor from the courtyard.

"Pete, don't be a dork."

"Yeah, man, my brother said their house is insane. He used to hook up with her sister and they're loaded. Like butlers and private drivers loaded."

"Their house makes my house look small," she knew that voice, Oscar. Her dad was friendly with his dad. "And as long you keep things chill, we'll get to use it."

"But what about-"

"You don't have to kiss her or anything. Just like tell her she's pretty."

Callie bit her lip before she could start crying. The last thing she wanted was for these boys to know they made her cry.

"Alright, fine," Pete said with a laugh that sounded beyond cruel to Callie's ears. "Aw, man, we're gonna miss the bus if we don't run."

Callie pressed her back to the small wall, letting her head fall to the tops of her knees. After a few shaky breaths, Callie stood to her feet, brushing any potential dust from her jeans. She just had to make it to the car and then she could cry. She wouldn't give anyone the satisfaction of seeing her cry here.

"Hermanita!"

"Aria? Why isn't Eddie picking me up?"

"Wow, you don't have to sound so disappointed. I was just trying to do something nice for my baby sister."

"You're never nice to me."

Aria scowled at that for a beat. "Do you want a… Callie, what's wrong?" Callie swiped at her cheeks in fear of rogue tears. "Who made you cry?"

"'m not crying," protested Callie, pushing at Aria as her older sister pulled her into a hug. "Stop it."

"You're crying. Or about to. What happened? Did you fail a test or something?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Well, you're going to because otherwise, Mami will think I made you cry, which I didn't for the record." Aria wrapped an arm around Callie's shoulder with a reassuring squeeze. "So spill, chica." As they walked towards Aria's car, the group of boys Callie had overheard passed behind them, laughing loudly about something. Callie curled further in on herself, just knowing they were laughing about her. Aria shot a nasty glare their way. "Was it a boy? Was it one of those boys? I can go say something." Aria paused, taking a half-step in their direction.

Callie grabbed Aria's arm, tugging her away. "Absolutely not, Aria! I'll… I'll tell you in the car. You have to promise not to make fun of me."

"When would I ever do that?"

Callie glared at her. "Literally all of the time. It's like a facet of your personality at this point."

Aria rolled her eyes, but said nothing, just getting into the driver's side of her car. "Spill," she demanded as soon as Callie was in the car. "And try not to cry on my leather seats if you can help it."

Callie choked out a laugh. "I was starting to get worried that you had been replaced by a pod person."

"Talk, Calliope."

"Don't call me Calliope." Callie stared down at her hands, picking idly at her cuticles. "Pete, this boy, he, uh, he asked me to the Spring Dance."

"Oh, that's great! Or is he gross and smelly? Because I remember freshman boys being gross."

Callie shook her head, fighting back a wave of tears. "No, no, he was nice and he's cute-"

"So why are you sad?"

"Are you going to let me talk?" Callie snapped, her hands curling into fists in her lap. "He asked me and was really nice and we talked about hummingbirds and flowers. It was nice and all of my friends got asked already and I really wanted to go, but they didn't want me to go to dinner with them without a date. And then Pete asked me and his friends had already planned dinner, but they didn't have anywhere to hang out before because Oscar's parents were out of town and I said that they could come over because we have the game room-"

"-the game room is the best. Sorry, continue."

"But… but I just heard them, well, overheard Pete and his friends saying that he… that he… because we have a big house and we're rich. That's why…."

"Oh, Callie," sighed Aria, reaching across to brush back Callie's hair as she broke down into a sob. "Shh, it's okay. Boys are stupid."

"It's just… it's just…." Callie struggled for breath. "He was so nice."

"I know. It's gonna be okay. I promise, in a year, you won't even care about this boy."

"But, but all my friends, or at least, my supposed friends are going and they have dates and they don't want me to go with them without a date and it's embarrassing and the whole reason they did it was because one of their brothers knew you."

"Who?"

"I dunno, Jake, I think? Does it matter?"

"I suppose not," Aria hummed. "I'm sorry, Callie."

"This is weird," Callie laughed through a sob. "You're being so nice. You're never nice."

"Yeah, well," Aria cleared her throat, "I'm your sister. I'm allowed to not be nice to you. Everyone else has to be nice to you."

"I'm such a loser," Callie cried, breaking down in tears again in the face of Aria's sudden kindness. "I'm such a loser. I barely have any friends and I hate it here. And I'm so ugly-"

"That's enough, Callie. You're very pretty. You are my sister after all."

"We barely even look alike," grumbled Callie, twisting away from her sister. "You're all skinny with perfect hair and perfect skin."

"And I had horrible acne when I was your age and I looked like a twig. High school sucks for everyone. It gets better. You'll be out of here before you know it."

"Easy for you to say. You're already out of here." Aria smiled a bit at that. "I just… I wanted for someone to actually pick me, you know? I didn't get asked for homecoming and that was okay. But this is somehow worse. I don't even want to go anymore. Mami and I already got a dress and I love the dress. But I can't… I can't…"

"Then you won't go," Aria said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Callie frowned at her reflection in the side mirror. "Isn't that letting them win?"

"Not if we do something even cooler than the Spring Dance, which, just sayin', is pretty lame. We'll find somewhere for you to wear your pretty dress and I'll take you to get a mani-pedi and I'll even do your make-up for you because I'm a fabulous older sister."

"Mami and Daddy won't like it. Mami says it's important for me to go to social events and Daddy will want to know why and then he'll get all Godfather-y about it."

Aria tsked as she pulled out of the school parking lot. "Mami has been obsessed with us being close for years and Daddy can't say no to his Calliope."

"Stop calling me that."

"It's your name. Even if it is sort of ridiculous. God, am I the best at this older sister stuff or what? You know, I bet if we asked really nicely, we could take the private jet somewhere. You don't have a fake id by any chance?"

The look of shock on their mother's face when she found Aria and Callie curled up on the couch watching When Harry Met Sally was almost worth the pain of the day.

And when the Spring Dance rolled around, a week after Callie stormed up to Pete and told him to go fuck himself (on Aria's recommendation), Aria whisked Callie up to New York City for shopping and spa treatments. She topped off their day by taking Callie to a Broadway show and fancy dinner, so Callie could wear the dress she had picked out for the dance. But it did little to do away with the ache of loneliness and humiliation that had settled in Callie's chest. She still had to return to school and face those jerks and Aria would go back to being her distant, sort of asshole-ish older sister.

---

24 October 1990

Stuttgart, Baden-Württemberg, Germany

Arizona,

One of the firsties suggested we write letters to our families. It's hard to call most of the time. It's so weird, being the only one in the US now. I always liked Germany.

The Academy is hard. Like, thank God for the Colonel's insistence on PT. But I really like my classes. It's all super interesting. I'd say you'd like it, but I think you'd only like the school part. I was going to play soccer, like always. A bit like whenever we move, we just join the soccer team and we have friends. But the crew coach cornered me and basically gang pressed me into it. Apparently, I have the height. I think you'd be too short. It's another thing that the Colonel prepared me for - lots of barking orders. Although it's all like that.

I'm hoping this gets to you on or before your birthday. You know, I think this is your first ever birthday that I haven't been there for. Maybe we can celebrate at Christmas. I didn't get much of a chance to talk to you, but I hope you've made some friends. I don't like the idea of you being alone on your birthday. Make sure you take some time to celebrate. Have an extra piece of Mom's cake for me.

If you get a chance, send me a postcard or something. I wanna see where you guys are. This is so weird.

I went and saw Grandmere the other weekend. She's not doing too well. She thought I was Grandpa. Aunt Eloise cried. Can you tell Dad? Sorry to be depressing on your birthday. She did ask about you. You always were her favourite.

Anyway, happy birthday, Zo!

Goonies never say die,

TR

"Hey, Nebraska!"

With a roll of her eyes, Arizona refolded Tim's letter and slipped it into her jacket pocket. It wasn't worth it. They weren't worth it. She exhaled slowly. She focused on the list of homework assignments on her hand from her soulmate, half-written in Spanish.

"Alaska, I was talking to you!"

Just ignore it. Just ignore it.

She glanced at the small watch her granddad had given her last Christmas. She could definitely go to class now and it wouldn't be totally weird that she cut her lunch so short. Mrs Underhill was nice and always happy to lend Arizona a new book to read in her free time.

"Utah, where're you going?"

"Walk away, Zander," she spat out, shoving at his shoulder. Unfortunately, Zander towered above her and played rugby.

"Hey, I was just being friendly." He grabbed her wrist. "That's some pretty girly handwriting you've got there."

"Let go of me."

One of Zander's friends leaned in. "You don't take Spanish. You're in my French class!"

"Ooh, Alabama, is your soulmate a fairy or, or, wait, are you a dyke?"

"Fuck off, Zander." She twisted her arm away from him. A strange sense of guilt pulled at her. She couldn't be any odder than already being the perpetual new kid. She couldn't do it. She wasn't gay.

"Touchy, touchy, Missouri."

"My name is Arizona." She took a step back, subconsciously planting her right foot behind her. "And I've heard all those jokes before. But you're not exactly the brightest bulb, are you, Zander? You're in remedial math, right?"

"Shut up, you little twerp. Just 'cause I'm not a dork like you doesn't mean I'm not smart."

"Can you even spell Arizona? I bet you can't." She desperately missed Tim and even Nick. Normally, this went over a lot better with her 6'3" brother and his 180 pounds of muscle standing behind him. And Nick was in Georgia, where his dad had been reassigned, finishing out his last years of high school there. Arizona could just sense that this was not going to end well for her.

Zander sneered down at her. "What kind of name even is Arizona? Is that where your dad fu-" Before Zander could finish his thought, Arizona's fist was moving through the air, landing solidly against his nose. Pain exploded in Arizona's hand and she let out a whimper.

Oh, she was so dead.

Zander fell to his knees, clutching his nose. "Bitch broke my nose! You bitch!"

"What is going on here?" A teacher stepped in between them, his hands raised in placation. "Robbins, headmaster's office. Brown, nurse's office. The rest of you get to class." Another teacher appeared, motioning for Arizona to follow her.

Well, crap.

At least, he had gone down in one hit. But Arizona was nearly positive that she broke something in her hand. Apparently, Zander had a very hard nose.

Happy birthday to her, huh?

She missed Tim. She hated her birthday without him. He was the only one who ever celebrated it with her. Her mom always made a nice dinner and her favourite chocolate cake. Her dad had practically missed more birthdays than he attended. But Tim always did something. Like taking her for ice cream or to the movies or letting her borrow his skateboard. It was their thing. Tim's birthday was in the spring and he was better at making friends than her, so most of the time he was able to have a proper birthday party. But with her birthday in the fall, she never knew anyone well enough to want a birthday party. So it was her and Tim's day.

But he had to go and be smart and go off to college. The jerk.

She really needed to stop the fighting. One of these days, she was going to get her ass kicked and Tim wasn't around. She'd gone nearly two years without an actual fight at school, but Zander hadn't let up since the first day of class. He was just a jerk with an ego.

She flexed her fingers, wincing at the sharp pain. Something was really not right with her hand.

What if they put this on her permanent record? Did they let people who got into fistfights into medical school? Was it really a fistfight? It was more like she punched someone before he could punch her. Which, in her opinion, was a perfectly reasonable reason to do so.

But somehow, she doubted her parents would see it that way. Her mom was already having a tough time with Tim away at college. And her dad, well, he was always a wildcard with these sorts of things. She had been yelled at and quietly praised. It gave her whiplash.

"Arizona Cecilia, what have you done?"

"Hi Daddy," she said, smiling up at her dad in an attempt to soften him up. "I swear I didn't mean to get in a fight. Well, it wasn't so much of a fight."

"Do you know who you punched?" He squatted in front of her, frustration lighting up his face. "Lieutenant General Brown's son, Arizona. You got in a fight with my superior officer's son. Do you have any idea the damage you may have done?"

"Daddy, I-"

"Arizona. You are far too old for this."

"You never cared when Tim got into fights," she snapped back, folding her hands over her chest in defiance. "When Tim gets into fights, he gets a pat on the back."

"Arizona, this is serious."

"I didn't start it!"

"And yet, he's with the nurse and you're sat here."

"Dad, I-"

"Robbins."

"Sir." Arizona sank further in her seat as her father snapped to attention. This was new levels of bad. "I apologize-"

"Alexander, this is who you got in a fight with?" Lt. General Brown asked, gesturing to Arizona. Her dad pulled her to her feet by the back of her jacket. "Daniel, I just assumed it was your son."

"Timothy is a cadet at West Point." The weight of her father's hand on her shoulder and more importantly his disappointment practically made Arizona's knees buckle. "This is my daughter, Arizona."

Zander pouted a bit beneath an ice pack. "Dad, she-"

"Alexander, she is tiny. And she broke your nose!" Brown chuckled, slapping his son on the back. "Girl, that's one hell of a right hook you've got there."

"General, I promise you this will not happen again, right, Arizona?" His grip tightened until Arizona nodded stiffly.

"Yes, sir."

"Maybe she should take your spot on the rugby team, Alexander. Ah, Headmaster Kopp, lovely to see you again."

"Gentlemen, Miss Robbins." The headmaster appraised the situation before him, his gaze lingering on Arizona's broken hand and Zander's broken nose. "I hear there was an altercation at lunch."

"It's fine," Zander said, his voice thick. "Doesn't matter."

"Son, you've got a broken nose."

"It'll toughen the boy up. He should know better than to pick fights he can't win," his father chuckled, shaking his head. "I'll leave any punishment up to the school. But I wouldn't be too harsh on Miss Robbins."

"Of course, General." The headmaster shifted his focus to Arizona and her father. "If the Browns are fine with it, I think suspension for the rest of the day as well as tomorrow should do the trick." Brown waved it off. "Perfect. Miss Robbins, if you would, please gather your belongings."

Arizona froze on the spot, dread building in her throat. "Uh, Headmaster, will this be going on my record?"

"That is the procedure typically." Arizona's head dropped to her chest. "But, considering that the General doesn't seem inclined to pursue matters further and your otherwise stellar academic performance, so long as it doesn't happen again, I think I can let you off with a warning." Arizona exhaled a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. "Make sure you get that hand looked at."

"Thank you, Headmaster, sir." Her father nodded to the other two men. "Arizona, if you have anything to say…"

"Zander, I apologize for breaking your nose."

"Zander," his father snapped, prompting his son.

"I'm sorry for what I said. It was rude."

"If only all peace talks could be so easy, eh, Robbins? Take the rest of the day too." The general chuckled more to himself than anyone else, "Knocked on his ass by a girl. What is the world coming to?"

"Arizona, let's go."

"Yes, sir."

Arizona trailed after her father, quietly retrieving her school things, barely able to make eye contact with him.

"Hospital first. Then home. Your mother is home already. I believe she's making a birthday cake for you." Once they were both in the car, he pinned Arizona with an even sterner look. "Now, for the love of God, Arizona, please explain to me why you were fighting a boy twice your size."

She brushed her fingers absently over the words on the back of her hand. She couldn't tell her dad what Zander had said. He… she didn't even want to think about what he'd do. "It was stupid."

"Arizona. Tell me. Now."

Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. "It was the same as always. Just stupid jokes about my name." She could bring herself to repeat Zander's final joke. It was just too… gross, ya know.

"That was barely acceptable when you were a child. You are not a child anymore. You need to rise above. It is your name. If you continue down this path, do you really think that becoming a doctor will be an option for you?"

"You're not the one with a freakin' state for a name," Arizona mumbled under her breath.

"What was that?"

"Nothing, sir."

"That's what I thought."

"Yes, sir."

"Happy birthday, Arizona."

Tim,

Your letter arrived the day before, but I waited to read it until today.

I'm currently suspended from school for fighting. Again. And it was Dad's commanding officer's son. So I'm grounded until basically Christmas. His commanding officer thought it was funny.

I really miss you. You always had my back.

My birthday was weird. Mom was just trying to keep the peace as usual and Dad was still too pissed at me. It's not like I asked to have a name that's easy picking for morons. I don't hate my name, but there's only so many times I can hear those jokes before I snap. And the one today was bad. Like I don't even want to repeat it bad.

School's going well otherwise. Same old, same old.

Goonies never say die.

AR

---

22 November 1990

Miami, Florida

Callie watched with rapt interest as her grandmother chopped potatoes, effortlessly trading one out for another with barely a glance. Even in her old age, her abuela was nothing if not sharp.

"Callita, help your uncle scrub the rest of the vegetables. I swear, we're never going to have this ready in time for dinner! Your mother should've started preparations a week ago," her abuela grumbled.

As Callie made her way over to the sink, she said, "Oh, she had a big case come up this week." She winced a bit as her abuela continued grumbling about how it was unfortunate that her mother worked all the time instead of taking care of things at home. Callie loved her abuela, but she was painfully old fashioned sometimes.

Even though she'd love to have more time with her mother, Callie sort of loved that her mother was this badass attorney. As much as she loved spending time with her father, her mother's office was her favourite between the two. It didn't hurt that Brian, her mother's assistant, always kept the best snacks at his desk. But there was just something really cool about seeing her mother work and most of the time, kick everyone's ass.

She wasn't entirely sure what exactly her mom did most of the time. Some sort of family law, she thought. Her mom had handled one of her friends' parents' divorce and according to Anna, took her 'cheating, scumbag dad to the cleaners'. But the case this week was something else. She had heard her parents talking about it late at night earlier in the week. Something to do with immigration.

Regardless, Callie thought it was cool that her mom was so independent and badass. It might break her father's heart a bit, but she would much rather follow her mother's path than join his company. That was more Aria's speed. Callie wanted to help people. The only problem was being an attorney definitely involved speaking in front of people and Callie was horrible at that. Her last presentation at school had ended with her throwing up on her teacher's desk and being sent home for the day.

"You're very deep in thought," her Uncle Berto whispered, nudging her with his shoulder. "Solving all the world's ills?"

Callie grinned up at him. "Of course, Uncle Berto. I am the smartest one here," she laughed, "Pass me the carrots."

The pair of them scrubbed away at the honestly alarming pile of vegetables. If Callie didn't know any better, she'd say that it was too much, but she couldn't remember a family meal where they hadn't cleaned practically every plate.

"So, tell me, how is, hm, sophomore year?"

"It's alright. I like school, well, I like the academic part for sure. And the arts program at my school is the best. Ms Marshall, my art teacher, she's the coolest. We're studying realism right now. We're using watercolour, which isn't my favourite, but it's still probably my favourite class. Well, second favourite, I really like science too."

Uncle Berto nodded along, a kind smile on his face. "Perhaps we have a budding doctor or scientist in our midst?"

A doctor? She hadn't thought of that. That would be sort of cool and she was positive that doctors didn't have to talk in front of big crowds ever.

"I dunno, Uncle Berto. I've got a long time before I have to make any decisions." Callie focused back down at the carrot she had been scrubbing for the better part of a minute. She set it down, reaching for another.

Her uncle leaned in, his eyes wide with curiosity. "Is that from your soulmate?" He asked in a conspiratorial whisper, nodding towards the poorly drawn turkey and hastily scribbled joke. " My family told me to stop telling Thanksgiving jokes… but I told them I couldn't quit cold turkey. Oh good, they're funny, aren't they?"

Callie flushed under his scrutiny, fighting the urge to cover her hand. It wasn't that she was embarrassed by her soulmate or anything, it was more that she wasn't used to people drawing attention to it. "I guess."

"What's their name?"

"I don't know."

"Ah, keeping things mysterious and traditional, I get it." He nodded knowingly.

"My parents said it's better to let life take its course. That we'll find each other."

"I agree. You'll know when you meet them, him. It'll happen when you least expect it. But it'll be so worth it."

"Is it really magical? When you meet your soulmate?"

A flicker of sadness crossed Uncle Berto's face. "Yes, it is, Callita. When you find this person, the person who was made for you, who is your equal and your match, it's as if the world slows around you and it takes your breath away. And you have to hold onto that. No matter what the world throws at you. They're your person." Callie eagerly drank in her uncle's words. Her parents were more reticent to speak on soulmates.

"I can't wait to meet him," she sighed.

Uncle Berto patted her shoulder. "You will, in time. I know you will." As Callie looked up at him, she couldn't shake the feeling that he seemed sad. He spoke as if he had already met his soulmate, but then why wasn't she here? Wouldn't they be married? Uncle Berto had lived with his roommate, David, for as long as she could remember. Oh . David was her Uncle Berto's soulmate. But why didn't he come to family dinners? That seemed wrong.

Callie continued mulling over those thoughts as she scrubbed her pile of carrots. Uncle Berto was practically her favourite relative. And David was always nice whenever she saw him. But Uncle Berto always said he was his roommate. It seemed wrong that he would have to hide his soulmate. No one should feel guilty for who their soulmate is.

She just knew as soon as she found her soulmate, she'd want to shout it from the roof, that she had finally found him. Hiding that seemed unfathomable.

---

25 December 1990

Stuttgart, Baden-Württemberg, Germany

"Merry Christmas, Arizona," her mother said in greeting as she pressed a kiss to Arizona's head. Arizona twisted slightly to grin at her mother, keeping an eye on the pancakes she was making.

"Merry Christmas, Mom."

"Pancakes smell good."

"It's the recipe that Dad always makes." Arizona nodded towards the open cookbook, now featuring a smear of pancake batter. Her mother's smile flickered for a second, her eyes turning sad. "Oh, uh, I'm sorry if I-"

"No, no, it's perfect, sweetheart."

"I also started your coffee."

Her mother peered at the mug near Arizona's elbow. "Are you drinking coffee? I thought we decided no coffee until you're 16."

Arizona flushed. "It's hot chocolate. Tim sent me some. I sort of opened one of my presents already. Tim had told me what it was."

"You do realize that they have hot chocolate here," her mother commented with a fond smile, pouring herself some coffee. "In fact, I'm sure that we could get you real Swiss hot chocolate, instead of the prepackaged stuff."

"The prepackaged stuff tastes better."

"Of course, honey. Your pancakes are burning."

"Oh crap!" Arizona turned back to the pancakes, reaching for a spatula, but instead, her elbow knocked into the handle of the pan, sending it crashing to the floor. In her efforts to avoid the hot pan, she managed to bump the bowl of pancake batter, which soon joined the pan. Arizona let out a pathetic whimper, an angry red burn already forming across the knuckles of her left hand.

"Arizona!" Her mother tugged her away from the stove. As her mother guided her to the table, carefully cradling her injured hand, Arizona burst into tears. "Shh, it's okay, Zozo." She pressed a kiss to Arizona's temple.

"I'm sorry. I just wanted to do something, like how Christmas usually is. Like how it's supposed to be," Arizona sobbed, burying her face in her mother's shoulder. "But I ruined it!"

"Shh, it's okay, it's fine. You did a good job," her mother whispered in placation. "Why don't we get your hand under some cold water?"

"It hurts," whimpered Arizona. "It hurts so badly."

"I know, I know."

"I'm sorry, Mama. I ruined everything." Arizona choked out a laugh, cutting through her tears. "I thought Dad said that even an idiot could make pancakes. Dad can't even make dinner."

"Arizona, your father only knows how to make pancakes. Not that he hasn't tried," she chuckled as she wrapped Arizona's hand in a towel.

Arizona sucked her bottom lip between her teeth at the dull pain throbbing. "I miss him," she admitted, immediately feeling like a child. "He said that he'd be around here. That he wouldn't leave." With her uninjured hand, she wiped furiously at the tears on her cheeks.

Her mother pursed her lips, emotions warring across her face. "Your father, you know he'd be here if he could."

"I know," Arizona sighed, feeling for all the world like an ungrateful brat. "I know. It's just… Christmas feels wrong." As soon as she said the words, she regretted them. Her mother flinched back. "No, Mom, it's not that… it's just, Tim's not here, Dad's not here. Dad's never here. I just…." Her shoulders slumped. "I don't know."

Her mother brushed a few strands of hair back behind her ear, a sort of half-pained look lingering in her eyes. "Arizona…"

"I'm sorry, I swear, I didn't… I didn't mean it like that," she rushed out, "I… I don't… I don't like Dad and Tim being gone. Dad's always gone, but Tim's supposed to be here."

"I know."

"I just… I just want to be normal. I just want to be like everyone else. I want Dad home like a normal Dad, I don't want Tim a million miles away. I don't want to move every six months. I don't want to have a stupid name that everyone always makes fun of." Her mother inhaled a sharp breath, but Arizona barely even paused to draw breath herself. "I'm tired of always being different and, and," it felt like there was something on the tip of her tongue, but she had no idea what it was. "And my hand hurts."

"How about we head over to the hospital and get this checked out?"

---

20 June 1991

Miami, Florida

Callie rolled onto her stomach, propping herself up on one elbow, hot sand shifting under her weight. She flipped the page of her book, silently cursing Elizabeth Bennet and her inability to see Mr Darcy. If there was some dark and handsome man flirting with her, Callie'd be all over that.

She glanced up at the sound of her name. Carla, her cousin on her father's side, waved at her, an ice cream cone in each hand. "Callita! I got you chocolate. And I also scoped out some very cute boys playing volleyball over there." Carla nodded further down the beach with a hungry look in her eye.

"Mm, thanks, Car."

"Cal, we're at the beach. There are hot boys. You're hot. Why are you just lying around reading?"

"I have to read this for class," Callie mumbled into her ice cream. She certainly wasn't going to admit to her bombshell, fresh out of her first year of college cousin that she was terrible at talking to boys. Carla would definitely tell Aria and Aria would make fun of her forever.

"More for me then. I'll be over there if you need me." She smiled kindly at her younger cousin. "Really, Cal, I remember being 16. I'm happy to help in any way you need. Just let me know, yeah?"

"Thanks, Car, I just really want to get this finished. Maybe I'll come over in a bit?" she offered with a blush.

"Sure thing, Callita. See you in a bit!" With an exaggerated swing to her hips, Carla headed across the beach. Callie stifled a laugh as she watched Carla slowly licking her ice cream as she did so. Maybe she should take Carla up on her offer.

"Oh crap," Callie hissed as ice cream dripped onto her leg. She swiped as much of it as possible with her thumb. Almost as soon as she cleaned up the ice cream, neat, familiar words appeared on her leg.

I kissed a girl last night.

Jealousy or something similar grew in Callie's stomach. He was free to kiss whoever. She didn't even know his name.

Callie retrieved the pen from her book and wrote, Okay? Why are you telling me?

She grinned slightly at the memory of the first real conversation they had ever had. The one where her soulmate had gotten in a fight and chatted with her 'cause he was bored.

I don't know. I didn't know who else to tell. I don't have a lot of close friends. I like to think you're a friend

Even as she tried to tamp it down, Callie couldn't help but feel inappropriately pleased that her soulmate must be somewhat of a loner like her.

We're friends

Good. I'm glad.

His handwriting had only gotten nicer over the years. Now, it was tight and neat, letters no longer randomly drifting away.

Was it a good kiss?

It was magical

Callie chewed on her cheek for a moment. Some boy, probably hundreds of miles away, who didn't even know her, had kissed some girl and she was jealous. But magical, that's a pretty loaded answer. Couldn't he have just said nice or whatever?

Not as magical as kissing you will be appeared, quickly followed by a heart.

Callie's cheeks burned and she was positive it wasn't from the sun.

Bold

Romantic, you mean

Sure, just a regular Mr Darcy

"In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you." - I read it for school this summer

I'm reading it right now

Oh no, did I just spoil it?

Don't think so

Have you kissed anyone?

Yes. Callie glanced around nervously as if her father was about to pop up and see her secret. She was positive, no, she knew if her father found out that she had been flirting and kissing the junior boy he had hired to clean the pool, he'd probably drown poor Simon.

Cool.

Callie wondered if he was feeling jealous too. Was it horrible if she hoped he was?

---

1 September 1991

Kaneohe, Hawaii

Arizona had spent the summer writing what Tim had teasingly called love notes to her soulmate. Mainly quotes from literature, the occasional poem from the small anthology her mother had. It wasn't as if she had anything else to do.

They had left Germany the day after Eva Southers kissed her. The only person who knew was her soulmate. She hadn't even told Tim yet because as soon as she told Tim, it'd be real.

She and Eva had been practically attached at the hip following a joint history project they had worked on. Eva was cool in a way Arizona both admired and resented. And she was beautiful with dark curls and bright green eyes and a smile that made Arizona's breath catch in her chest.

Eva had six younger siblings so far preferred the Robbins' house to hers, spending their afternoons listening to Sinéad O'Connor and testing the small amount of makeup Eva had and laughing about how annoying Mr Jones, their chem teacher was. So it had seemed perfectly normal when Eva showed up the day before they moved. Arizona followed as she had for the past few months, happy for any time spent with Eva. She had had friends before, she had Tim and Nick, but Eva was different somehow.

Eva had pulled her behind a supply shed and before Arizona could even ask what was happening, Eva kissed her.

And it was like everything clicked into place for her.

Eva tasted like the cinnamon gum she always bought from the exchange and the weak beer they had been sharing and the sticky, pink lip gloss she preferred. It was perfect and terrifying and confusing.

And now, Arizona was in Hawaii, 7,000 miles away from Eva and her warm hands and soft lips. And she felt like she was drowning.

Her mother threw herself into her volunteer work at the base hospital and her father had that empty look in his eyes again after January.

And Arizona was gay.

Alone in the half unpacked house, she stared up at her ceiling. Classes would start in two days.

Arizona would walk into a high school, by herself for only the second time. A bored principal would look over her past grades and quietly insinuate that she may have a behaviour problem with so many schools in so many years until Arizona corrected that her father was a Marine. He'd then send her on her way to a class full of kids who probably knew each other since they were in diapers. The teacher would make her introduce herself, saying "Tell us your name, honey." And she would, followed up by the inevitable, "Your name, not where you're from." She'd keep her head down and do her schoolwork and join the soccer team and be smiley and friendly. No more fighting, just keep it easy and get along with everyone.

It was down to a science at this point. But now, now a new deep-seated fear had settled in her chest.

She was more than used to being different, being the odd man out. But before it had been a matter of circumstance. Now it was deeper than that. And she was terrified.

So much so, that she had nicked a large, empty jar when she and her mother had been unpacking and tucked it behind her winter jackets. Since the end of June, she had been stashing away any cash she made during odd jobs or the spare change left over from when her dad sent her to pick up a pizza. It wasn't much, but it was something. She had it all figured out. She'd use the cash to fly to New York to Tim and he could hide her in his dorm room or something until she got enough cash together to have her own place. Then she'd continue to be brilliant in school and get a scholarship and everything would be fine.

Yep, everything was going to be just fine.

But it'd be easier if all of this stayed a secret for a while longer. At least until she had taken her ACTs and SATs. That'd be better.

"Sweetheart? Are you home?"

"Yeah, Mom, I'll be down in a second."

Scrubbing a hand over her face, she stood to her feet. This was by far the biggest room she'd ever had beyond the one in the townhouse in Boston. But it seemed so empty, just a few scattered piles of school books, a couple of posters including Cindy Crawford and Mia Hamm and the CD player Tim had left when he moved out to West Point.

She shook her head and headed downstairs to join her mother.

"How was your day? Here, give me a hand with these groceries. Your dad won't be home 'til later. He's got some work at the VA." Arizona nodded along. It wasn't as if her father was really there even when he was.

"Fine, finished my physics textbook and took some notes on my history textbook. I think I'm probably a couple of weeks ahead in history now. Helps that I've had the entire military history of the United States drilled into me my whole life," she added with a chuckle, leaning up on her toes to put away the canned food.

Her mother tsked in amused disapproval, passing behind her. "That's good. He'll be thrilled." Arizona swallowed back a sharp retort that would only serve to bother her mother. "It'll get better. He'll get better. You know it can be like this sometimes."

"Yep." She was more than aware of her father's moods that flared up. He was never outwardly angry, at least not more than usual. But he'd withdraw further and further, becoming sharper and harsher. She could still remember being in second grade and thrilled to have her daddy home for Christmas and not understanding why he was limping or why he never wanted to play with her. Tim had taken her aside and told her to leave him alone and that if she wanted to play, she could play with him.

"Have you been getting more marks these days?" Her mother's question surprised her, nearly causing her to drop a can of soup. She nodded towards Arizona's exposed arm. "That's pretty."

A spiralling rose wound its way up Arizona's forearm in thick black lines. Across the inside of her wrist was scrawled:

Ninguna más, amor, dormirá con mis sueños.

Irás, iremos juntos por las aguas del tiempo.

Ninguna viajará por la sombra conmigo,

sólo tú, siempreviva, siempre sol, siempre luna.

"They have nice handwriting." Arizona's heart clenched at the neutral pronoun. She couldn't do this.

"Mhm."

"Is that Spanish? I've seen English on your hands before." Her mother cradled Arizona's hand, gently tracing over the words.

"Sometimes," Arizona choked out, "We've been… um, sending each other quotes and poems back and forth." She had never been so careful in choosing her words.

"Oh, that's so romantic, Arizona. A pity you don't know Spanish. I told you you should take Spanish, not French. You already know French."

A bright blush worked its way up Arizona's cheeks. "It's better for my GPA," she protested, "I'm already in all advanced classes as it is."

"Yes, yes, you are, my little genius." Her mother pressed a kiss to her temple. "Can you read it at all?"

"Generally, I guess. It's something like, 'no one else will sleep in my dreams, we go over the, um, time water? Only we will travel through shadows. Only you, ever sun, ever moon.' Something like that at least."

"Oh, that's wonderful, Zoie. Have you been writing out French poetry as well? Your father used to do that. Your Grandmere would write them out for him and then he'd write them across here," her mother dragged her fingers across the skin of Arizona's wrist.

"Dad read poetry?"

"Your father has his moments. He can be quite the romantic." Her mother laughed with an easy smile. "This is… I'm so very happy for you." Her mother pulled her in for a hug, squeezing her tight. "I love you, you know that, right, Arizona?" Arizona nodded against her mother's shoulder, not trusting her voice at that moment. "No matter what. I'll always love you."

---

12 February 1992

Miami, Florida

Callie readjusted her bag over her shoulder, desperate to leave school for the day. She hated it. And to make matters worse, the entire school had been decorated for Valentine's Day, rubbing it in that Callie was very much alone.

"Calliope!" Her head snapped in direction of her name. Her father, with a wide grin on his face, waved eagerly, leaning against his car. As soon as she was within arms' reach, he pulled her into a hug.

"I thought you weren't back until later tonight."

"My business finished early so I thought I'd take my favourite girl out for an early Valentine's dinner. What do you say?" She nodded eagerly, more than happy to have some one on one time with her father. " Perfecto, vamos. If you'd like, you can invite a friend or two," he offered.

"Um, no, I'd like it if it was just the two of us, Daddy." She wasn't about to admit to her dad that she really only had acquaintances at school. Her closest friend was probably her cousin and Carla was far away in North Carolina these days with her dreamy boyfriend, who had matching marks to hers.

Thankfully, her father didn't challenge her on that. "I'd love that, Calliope. Shall we go to the club? Or would you rather somewhere else?"

"The club's fine. I'm easy. I'm just excited to see you. You've been away for so long!" She laughed as they slid into the back seat. "Afternoon, Eddie," she called up to her father's long time driver. "So, Daddy, how was New York? Can I come with you next time?"

"If you aren't in school, I'm sure we can work something out. Your mother mentioned you had your first meeting with your college counsellor. Tell me, what did he have to say? Did he say that you'd have your pick of school because of your brilliance? Because anything less would be a disgrace."

Callie laughed lightly at her father's obvious pride. "He said that my test scores were very promising and given that I'm on the Dean's list, academics should be no problem. He was a bit concerned that I didn't have more extracurriculars beyond editing the art magazine."

Her father scoffed, "You are at the top of your class. Where does he expect you to be doing further activities? I don't want you playing sports. Do you remember what happened when you played basketball with your cousins?" He shuddered. "I'd prefer not having to visit you again in a hospital if I could help it, yes?" Callie nodded in agreement. It had hurt like nothing else she had ever experienced, but it had been sort of cool to see her bones. "You do have a beautiful singing voice-"

"But I throw up if I have to in front of people."

Her father raised his hands defensively. "I understand, my dear, it just makes me sad that you're unable to share your gift with others. But your artistic work is stunning as well. In fact, the next piece you finish in class, I'd be grateful if I could have it for my office here in Miami."

"Of course, Daddy. We're doing ceramics this semester. It's all about structure and shape. I've been working on this piece using hand movement as my reference," her father smiled and nodded along as Callie described her work to him. She just found it so intriguing the way hands moved and worked. How delicate and yet strong they could be at the same time.

Her father had always been more supportive of her artistic pursuits, whereas her mother had taken a more distant perspective. His office, both at his headquarters and at home, was fully decorated by Callie's artwork. They spanned from silly finger painting pictures to her more recent, more mature pieces. She had even worked on a portrait of her father's parents over the summer, surprising him with it for his birthday.

"Mr Torres, Miss Torres, we've arrived."

"Shall we, my dear?" Her father held out a hand for her after stepping out of the car.

As they walked into the club, her father merely waved at acquaintances, choosing instead to focus fully on his daughter.

"You were telling me about your college counsellor, what else did he have to say?"

Callie took a long sip of her lemon water before answering, "He suggested that I might prefer a smaller, liberal arts school as I'm not fully certain of what I'd like to study. But I've always really liked science and I think that a larger school would have better science departments. And so many liberal arts schools are in tiny towns. I don't think I could handle that."

"Very logical, mija. What about the university here?"

"I'm not sure, Daddy. I love Miami. I love being so close to you and Mami. But… I think it'd be good to spread my wings a bit. I've never lived anywhere else my whole life. Aria seems to like California well enough."

"Oh, have you spoken to your sister lately?"

"No, I was talking to Mami about it and she suggested I ask Aria about schools. But I don't think I'd like California very much. I was actually thinking I'd like New York. Or maybe even Boston or DC."

Her father nodded along, a serious expression in his eyes. "So Harvard, Georgetown or Columbia then."

"If I get in."

"You will. I know that for certain. You have excellent grades and are extraordinarily bright. Trust me, mija, you will get in wherever you want." He patted her hand. "Oh, what is this?" He lifted her hand up a bit so he could see what was written across the top. " 'Doubt that the stars are fire, Doubt that the sun doth move his aides, Doubt truth to be a liar, But never doubt I love.' Reading Hamlet in class. How was the Scarlet Letter? "

Even in the perfectly climate-controlled environment of the country club dining room, Callie's cheeks flushed. "Um, we sometimes share lines from the books we read in class. It started as a joke over the summer. But it's… it's nice."

"Oh, that's wonderful, Calliope. And what a gentleman you seem to have found. Well-read too. I have high hopes for this boy." He squeezed her hand affectionately. "Perhaps it is best if you go further afield for university. He strikes me as the type to go somewhere rigorous. You need someone who is your intellectual equal."

"You got all of that from a single line and his handwriting?"

"A line from Shakespeare, mija!"

"Everyone has to read Shakespeare in school, Dad."

"Ah, yes, but not everyone writes romantic lines on their hand for their soulmate. Especially not teenaged boys. I would know. I was one once," he said in a low whisper as if it were some great secret. Which, to be fair, Callie had a difficult time imagining either of her parents as teenagers. "Was this why you started stealing the Pablo Neruda books out of the library?" Callie nodded, her cheeks burning. "He speaks Spanish?"

"I don't think so. He writes in French occasionally, but I think that it was for a class."

"French is romantic, not as romantic as Spanish of course. But it is still a beautiful language and country. Do you remember when we took you girls to Paris? You must've been, hm, seven or so. You were enchanted by the city. Perhaps someday you will return to Paris with your literary-inclined soulmate. I look forward to meeting your gentleman suitor."

"How did you know?"

"Know what?"

"That you had found Mami." Callie expected her father's face to light up and for him to launch into the grand love story of how her parents met. Instead, his expression darkened slightly and he withdrew, leaving her hand on the table.

"Perhaps we should talk about something else, mija."

"Why, Daddy? I've asked Mami and she refused. I want to know. Tell me, please."

Her father waved over a waiter, ordering a tequila for himself. Callie studied him, the way his jaw remained clenched and the buried pain in his eyes. Her father, while loving, kept secrets and very rarely shared anything personal.

Once he had a tequila in hand, he exhaled slowly. "I… This is difficult, mija. I met your mother not long after I took over from your abuelo. I…. Your sister…." Callie frowned as her father stumbled uselessly over his words.

"What about Aria?"

Her father drummed his fingers on the table, making the silverware rattle on the table. "Aria's father, Stavros… as you know, he died when Aria was one." Callie nodded along. Aria had never been quiet about her father, not that Callie would blame her. She'd be devastated to lose her father. "Stavros, he and your mother were soulmates." Callie's fingers tightened around the white napkin in her lap. "By all accounts, he was a wonderful, clever man."

"How did he die?"

Her father shifted in discomfort. "In a boating accident. It was a great tragedy. Your mother, she, she doesn't like to speak on it. The pain, the agony of losing your soulmate, I'm told it's like nothing else."

"So… so you and Mami aren't…. You're not…." Bile rose in Callie's throat. She had always thought her parents' marriage was perfect. "Do you still love each other?" Her voice was barely above a whisper and to her own ears, she sounded like a child. "Is that way Aria's always so angry? Why… why… why did you have me? If you aren't soulmates. I shouldn't exist!"

"Calliope Iphegenia Torres!" He barked, drawing the attention of a few of the other diners. "I never want to hear you say anything like that again. You are… you are the greatest thing I have in my life. You are the most precious, the most loved…. Calliope, you and your mother and your sister are my world. But you, my child, are the most precious of gems. Never, ever forget that." Callie sniffled but nodded. "When I met your mother, I, well, I thought she was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen and I knew, I just knew I had to speak to her, get to know her. And she turned out to be intelligent and caring and we shared the same values."

"But you never met your soulmate?"

Her father glanced away, lost in thought. "I… no, I never did. We agreed some years ago not to contact each other again. Every so often, there may be a small mark. But we agreed it was for the best. I would not trade my life for anything. I would not trade you, Calliope, for anything or anyone. Do you know why I named you Calliope?"

"Because you wanted to toughen me up for the world at a young age," she quipped with a half-hearted grin, still reeling from her father's admission.

He shook his head and chuckled. "Don't be ridiculous, mija. Calliope is a perfectly normal name. I could've named you something more outlandish, like Persphone or Winifred. Or like those ridiculous children at your school who are named after places, like London or Dakota."

"Well, thank you then, Daddy."

"I named you Calliope because as soon as you came into this world, you cried and cried and it was the most beautiful sound in the world. And so I named you for one of the nine muses, for your most beautiful voice."

Callie squirmed under her father's fond smile. He was so embarrassing sometimes. "Only you would think a baby sounded beautiful, Daddy."

"Only a father would," he corrected, "Never doubt that I love you, Calliope."

"But you… you don't have your soulmate. Doesn't that make you sad?"

He reached back across the table for her hand, the one covered in her soulmate's neat writing. "I am the happiest man on earth, Calliope. Your soulmate, they do not complete you, they enhance you. Some say that humans were born with four arms and four legs and that we spend our lives searching for our other half. But that's reductive, is it not? There are so many ways to love, the love of a spouse, the love of a child, of a grandchild."

"So you're saying that there's no point to soulmates?" Sadness and dread emerged in her tone as tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. She had always loved the idea that there was someone out there who would understand her and love her without condition.

"No, no, mija. That is not it. It's a precious magical thing. But sometimes, our lives and our destinies work out in mysterious ways that we cannot predict." Her father leaned over the table, a conspiratorial glint in his eye. "And I cannot wait to meet with this gentleman of yours and dance with you at your wedding. Now, how about some dinner? I'm buying."

---

24 May 1992

Kaneohe, Hawaii

"Dude, this is by far the best place we've ever lived." Tim took a long slurp of his slushie before smacking his lips. He twisted around to lean against the picnic table they had set up on. "Even better than California. And I really liked California."

"Weren't you like twelve when we lived in California? I barely even remember it beyond that creepy snowman in the yard across from us."

"That's 'cause you were a baby." Tim gestured with his slushie, a stupid grin on his face. "But I mean, c'mon, this is awesome. The weather's awesome. The babes are awesome. Overall, awesome."

"Please tell me you didn't just say babes."

"You know I did."

"You're embarrassing. Does that crap even work on girls?"

"You tell me."

Arizona's heart dropped to her feet and she practically choked on her slushie. Did Tim know? Would he tell their dad?

"Is it just me or is everyone hot here?"

"You really need to get a girlfriend, Timothy," she shot back before standing to throw away their trash. "Oh, I'm so sorry," she mumbled as she knocked shoulders with someone. "Oh, hey, Missy."

"'Zona! Hey, who's the hunky guy you're having lunch with?" The taller girl flipped her dark hair over her shoulder, her focus firmly on Tim. Arizona glanced over her shoulder and bit back a groan. For some ungodly reason, Tim had pulled his shirt off. He was such a moron. "And by hunky, I mean major hottie."

"You mean Tim? Oh, he's my brother."

"You have a brother?" Missy looped her arm through Arizona's elbow. Arizona just knew her cheeks were burning red and she could only pray that it was played off as sunburn. "You never mentioned that. I thought we were friends."

"We are. It just… never came up?" she offered weakly, her voice pitching up. She was far too aware of the coconut smell of Missy's hair and how warm Missy's skin felt against her. Absently, she wondered if it was possible for a person to spontaneously combust. She'd have to ask Tim. He liked all that conspiracy theory crap. She was normally good at this talking to people thing. In fact, she'd say she was excellent at it. But right now, it was like someone had stuffed cotton balls in her mouth.

"Can you introduce us?" Arizona nodded. "You're the best, 'Zona." Missy leaned down and pressed a kiss to Arizona's cheek before dragging her back towards Tim.

Yep, Arizona was definitely going to explode.

"Tim, this is my friend, Missy. She's in a few of my classes. Missy, this is my older brother, Tim. He's in his second year at West Point."

"Pleasure to meet you. Any friend of Arizona's is a friend of mine." Tim offered up a bright, dimpled smile and his hand. Missy detached herself from Arizona in favour of her brother.

With a sigh, Arizona dropped onto the opposite side of the picnic table as Missy all but threw herself at Tim. She was not jealous of Tim. She was not jealous of Tim. That would be ridiculous and stupid. And 100% not what was happening.

She glanced around, looking for a distraction from Missy's giggling and Tim's stupid smile. Seriously, the dimples were way overkill. (And Arizona definitely never used her dimples like that.)

"'Zona," Missy called across the table, breaking Arizona out of her murderous fantasies towards her brother. "Are you going to prom?"

"I wasn't planning on it, no. You?"

"Of course, Colby's taking me. But we're not dating or anything," she added, obviously for Tim's benefit. "You know, I'm pretty sure Scott, you know on the swim team, the one with really good abs? I'm pretty sure he thinks you're cute. And he just broke up with Rebecca last month. You two should go together. You can come to dinner with us and get ready at mine. It'll be so much fun! Say yes!"

"Um…" Arizona searched for any excuse not to go with Scott and his great abs, but nothing came to mind with Tim and Missy watching her. "Sure, I guess."

"Amazing! It'll be so much fun." Missy winked at her and for a second, Arizona forgot how to breathe. "Grace and Amanda and Jenny are all coming over to mine too. You play soccer with Jenny and Grace, right?"

"Yeah."

"I thought so. I saw one of your games last week. You're pretty good."

"I taught her everything she knows," interjected Tim and seriously, Arizona was going to throttle him, the Army be damned. "Zo's got some good moves."

"I bet you both do."

"Tim, did you see the time? We should probably head to the store. Dad wanted all the stuff for the barbeque tomorrow. Missy, if you don't have any plans tomorrow, you should totally come over." Arizona stood abruptly to her feet, motioning for Tim to join her.

Missy grabbed Arizona's hand and quickly jotted down her number. "Call me later tonight with all the details and I'll get Scott sorted for you for prom. I'll see you two tomorrow." Missy darted forward and pressed a kiss to Tim's cheek and then Arizona's. Arizona stared after her, her mouth slightly hanging open.

"You've got something on your cheek, Zozo." Tim reached over to swipe at her cheek, but Arizona ducked away from him.

"Leave me alone."

"She seems nice."

"She is. We sit next to each other in history." And Arizona definitely didn't have a massive crush on her.

"Cool. And now you're going to prom." Tim threw an arm over her shoulder as he grabbed his shirt off the table. "Tell me about this Scott guy. Is he hot? Do you have a crush on him?" What was the likelihood of a sinkhole appearing beneath her? "I hear he has great abs. Maybe I should meet him. Make sure he's not going to try anything funny." Tim ruffled her hair.

In a burst of speed, Arizona jumped on Tim's back, dangling around his neck. "Shut up, Timothy."

"If you wanted a piggyback ride, you could've just asked. You weigh less than the packs I normally have to carry. Now, direct me towards the grocery store, Marine," Tim demanded in a decent impression of their dad. "But seriously, I could totally go and intimidate your prom date. Between me and Dad, he'll be shitting himself, great abs or not."

"Don't be a dick, Timothy. I don't want to talk about this."

Tim glanced over his shoulder, a surprisingly soft look on his face. "You know you can talk to me about anything, right, Zo?" She nodded, her brow pinched in confusion. "Okay, just checking. I'm always on your team. No matter what."

Arizona swallowed back her nerves and nodded again. "Yeah, I know, Tim. You've got to turn left here."

She pointed in the direction of the store. "Ooh, your soulmate says 'nice' about the number. You gonna tell 'em it's just some cute girl's number?"

"You think she's cute?"

"She's totally cute."

Arizona just hummed in response.

And if she pouts a bit at the barbeque the next day when Missy shows up with Scott, who really is a nice guy, just so beyond not her type, and kisses Tim behind the fence, well, no she didn't.

---

10 August 1992

Palm Beach, Florida

"Callie, stand up straight. Stop slouching. You're going to ruin your sister's wedding pictures."

Callie fought the urge to roll her eyes but did as her mother said. It was just easier not to fight with the mother of the bridezilla.

"Why don't we get a few of the happy couple in the rose garden and then we can go back to some more family photos?" The photographer suggested, motioning wildly towards the opposite corner of the botanical garden.

She watched, a scowl pulling on her lips, as Aria and her soon-to-be husband hurried across the grass, her mother close behind them.

"Don't frown so much, Calliope. It is your sister's wedding day after all."

"This dress is so uncomfortable," she whined, trying in vain to readjust the taffeta dress her mother had handed her. "And it's my birthday. Aria is having her wedding on my birthday. Out of spite."

Her father offered a weak smile. "It was the only available date. How about this, you're free to have your wedding on her birthday? And, if you can make it through the ceremony and the party your mother's planned, I can promise an excellent birthday present waiting for you at home." He squeezed her shoulder in what was probably meant to be a reassuring manner.

"Carlos, could you come here a minute?" Her mother waved across the garden, motioning for her husband to join her.

"Duty calls. Just, please, try to smile, for me, mija."

"Of course, Daddy." She put on a bright smile for her father before retreating into the small tent that had been set up with appetizers for the pictures. She slumped down into a chair, sighing with relief as her lungs were able to fully fill with air for the first time in an hour. "It's not as if Aria's even going to show up to my wedding, but whatever." She sighed again, wishing she was anywhere but there. Seriously, what kind of asshole has their wedding on their little sister's birthday? Aria, that's who.

She leaned over the table to investigate an abandoned notebook and pen. The notebook, as expected, was boring, just the contact details of the photographer. But the pen, that had possibility.

As she watched Aria kiss her soon-to-be husband in various positions, a devilish thought came to her.

Can you write something really rude on your hand like right now?

Hello to you too why?

My sister is having her wedding on my birthday and we're taking pics

That sucks but isn't it mean to ruin her pictures

You punch people

I haven't punched anyone in a long time

Please

Fine you owe me - you should probably wipe this off your arm

Almost as soon as the words appeared, they disappeared with a messy wipe. Callie found a napkin and a cup of water and carefully wiped her half of the conversation away, mindful not to get water on her dress.

Moments later, in blocky bubble letters appeared EAT MY SHORTS . Callie stifled a laugh, turning her hand so it wouldn't be visible until the perfect moment.

And there was a perfect moment, but Callie couldn't bring herself to ruin Aria's pictures after watching her laughing and whispering with her soulmate. Aria was a pretty crappy sister most of the time, but Callie was glad she had found her soulmate, even if the guy did wear too much hair gel most of the time.

Midway through the ceremony, the words on the back of Callie's hand had been scrubbed away, replaced by a small note. I hope that helped. My dad is pissed. I have to go run 5 miles and do like a million pushups.

---

26 December 1992

Alexandria, Virginia

"Scale of 1 to 10, how mad are you at Dad?"

"I'm not playing this game with you, Tim."

"What game?"

"The 'let's talk about why Dad sucks today' game."

"That sounds like a terrible game." Tim poked at her cheek with a fry. "You're allowed to be upset."

"No, I'm not."

"Arizona."

"What?" She turned sharply to glare at her older brother. "It doesn't matter. We moved. It happens. It happens all the time. That's all."

"It happened in the middle of your senior year of high school. It seemed like you really liked-"

"Whatever. It was for the best."

"I don't remember you being this angry."

"Fuck you."

"Can you pass the nuggets?"

"It's just… things were good for me in Hawaii. I liked it there. I had friends. Like actual friends. I never get to have real, normal friends."

"Um, I'm offended on mine and Nick's behalf."

"You're my brother. You have to be my friend. I just… I hate making new friends and now I'm the weird kid with the weird name who moved a week before Christmas. Again. I'm so sick of it. And… and… please don't hate me."

Tim shifted in his seat to face her, the street lamp casting odd shadows across his face. "Arizona, what… I could never hate you. You're my sister. It's you and me, always. You know that, right?"

Arizona choked out a sob, burying her face in her hands. Tim grabbed her wrist, pulling it away from her face. The fading Christmas message from her soulmate still lingered on her wrist.

"Arizona, you're scaring me."

She shook her head violently, one of her braids whipping her across the cheek. She just had to say it. She had to tell someone before she drove herself crazy. It was just Tim. It was just Tim, her goofy, older brother who took her to McDonald's when he thought she was sad and watched Disney movies with her even though he was a big, tough Army cadet.

"I'm gay."

The words hung in the air for what felt like an eternity before Tim let out a long exhale.

"I thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant."

"What?"

"So… you're gonna marry a chick?"

"Huh? I mean, yeah."

"Nice. I'm gonna dance so hard at your wedding. It'll be totally embarrassing."

"What?" She repeated, still somehow braced for a negative reaction.

"You're gonna break Nick's heart."

"Nick?"

"You are still married to him after all. I doubt your future wife would appreciate that." He nodded towards her hand with the stupidest grin on his face. "I bet she's hot."

"You're not mad?"

"Why would I be mad?" Tim shoved a ridiculous amount of fries into his mouth. "It actually, you know, explains a lot."

"Explains a lot?" Arizona tore her gaze away from Tim, refusing to watch him chew. She stared out across the snowy parking lot, an odd tingling sensation still spreading across her body.

"Yeah, sure. Oh my God, you were totally jealous of me last spring. Your friend, the hot one, Mary, Missy! You were jealous."

"I'm gonna punch you."

"Also, just sayin', but that Cindy Crawford poster isn't exactly subtle. Have you kissed a girl yet?" Tim crooned, sounding far more like a 13-year-old girl than a 20-year-old man. Arizona's cheeks flamed red and she managed a nod. "Oh, that's so exciting. Who was your first kiss? Was she cute? I bet she was."

"For the record, yes, she was very cute. And she lives in Germany."

"Bet all the girls fall for those dimples. Georgetown better watch out. They don't know what's coming for them."

"You're an idiot."

"I'm proud of you, Arizona."

"So, does that mean I can move in with you when Dad throws me out?"

The light atmosphere inside the car evaporated in an instant. "Dad… he wouldn't do that. You're his little girl. His little princess."

Arizona pinned Tim with what she hoped was a threatening stare. "Really, you think the Colonel's just going to be fine with it? Last time I checked, you can't be gay in the Marines or the Army for that matter. You think, our father, who breathes honour and patriotism, is just going to go, 'yeah, good for you, Arizona. Go forth and sleep with as many girls as you want'. You must've been hit upside the head too many times." She curled in on herself, tugging her borrowed waxed jacket tighter around her. "He's going to hate me."

"He won't, Arizona. He loves you. Mom wouldn't let him."

"He will. You didn't hear him bitch about Clinton all year and how damaging he is to the sanctity of the military. Tim, he's going to hate me and throw me out and...and…"

"Arizona, you need to breathe."

"I know. I know. I'm trying. But Tim, I'm so scared."

"I know, Zo." Tim pulled her into an approximation of a hug with the console between them. "It'll all work out. I've got your back, yeah."

"What am I gonna do?"

"You're going to go to Georgetown and be brilliant and then go to med school and be even more brilliant and become the best doctor in the world and meet that girl you write cute notes to on your hand and get married so I can dance at your wedding. I'm dead serious about that, Zo." Arizona tamped down another sob as Tim squeezed her tighter. "Goonies never say die."

"Goonies never say die," Arizona echoed their old favourite from their childhood, a common refrain before they sought out trouble and adventures.

"What do you say we head back? You know Dad'll pout if we miss the annual Robbins' screening of The Longest Day ."

Arizona let out a groan but nodded. "Yay, can't wait for three hours of my life I'm never getting back."

"It's all about the history, all about the history."

"Dude, I can like recite it from memory."

"If you do the whole thing while Dad's watching it, I'll give you twenty bucks."

"You're on."

---

29 April 1993

Miami, Florida

A set of 6 letters lay across her mother's admittedly impressive dining room table. Callie just stared at them, as if one would hop up and say, "Choose me!" But unfortunately, they just sat there, looking all plain and undistinguished.

"Calliope, you need to make a choice."

"I know, Daddy. It's just… I don't know where to go."

"You could just stay in Miami, mija," her mother suggested, pushing the relevant letter towards her. "The weather's so much nicer here than any of these places."

"Miami is my backup." Callie pushed the letter back. "I really like Boston University, but I also really love New York."

"What about Georgetown?" Her father asked.

Callie shook her head. "I don't want to take the risk of a waitlist. What if I don't get off of it? Then I'll be stuck for an entire year."

"There's always UCLA. You could be closer to your sister."

Callie's nose wrinkled at her mother's suggestion. "Aria and I do better only seeing each other at Christmas."

"Callio-"

"I'm right and you know it, Mami." Her mother sighed in resignation. "I don't think I'd like Columbia very much. I think between NYU and Columbia, I'd choose NYU."

Her father clapped his hands together before beginning, "Very good, so it's between Boston University and NYU. Those are both very strong choices. NYU's business program, in particular, is very strong."

Callie drummed her fingers on the table, unwilling to tell her father that she had almost no interest in going into business like him and Aria. She found it unbearably dull and always had. But she had no idea what else she wanted to do really, so it was better to keep her mouth shut.

"I worry about you being in New York, though. Carlos, do you really think it safe?"

"Mami, it's no less safe than here."

"Here, you live with us in a safe neighbourhood and use our driver." And sometimes it felt like a prison, the trappings and the service people always around. "I just worry. Aria's so far away and you'd be so far as well."

Callie pulled her mother into a hug. "New York or Boston isn't so far. Plus, they both have great shopping, right?" Her mother nodded, even as a few tears slipped down her cheeks. After a long few moments of holding her daughter, Callie's mother pulled away, gently patting her cheek.

"You'll make the right decision. You always do, my Calliope."

"Thank you, Mami."

Callie settled back in her chair, returning to her staring at the envelopes. It would be majorly helpful if one of them would distinguish themselves from the rest. Idly, she grabbed the envelopes for Boston University and NYU. As she reached for NYU, she noticed a new mark on her hand.

Her parents were in the midst of a heated discussion of her safety, so didn't even register her distraction.

In her soulmate's familiar, neat handwriting, it read 39th and 2nd, first building on the left w/ doorman . And Callie's heart skipped a beat. She had been to New York enough times to recognize that as a potential New York address. It certainly wasn't one in Boston. It was a sign. What were the odds that as Callie debated over whether to go to school in New York, her soulmate would write down a New York address. It was a sign. It had to be the universe aligning perfectly for her.

That's what soulmates were all about, right? The universe helping you find your match and the way to optimize your happiness.

"New York. I choose New York."

"Pardon?"

"I choose New York. I'm going to NYU!"

Her mother pressed a kiss to her cheek. "That's wonderful, mija. I can't wait to visit you and take you shopping."

As her father delved into the financial logistics of confirming with NYU, Callie found herself seriously distracted by the concept that in a few short months, she could very well be in the same city as her soulmate. Honestly, how hard could it be in a city of 7 million people?

---

19 August 1993

Washington, D.C.

"Sweetie, I think that's everything. Your clothes are put away, I've made your bed. Dad managed to not break anything in his misguided efforts to help." Her mom squeezed her shoulder and Arizona plastered on a smile, but she couldn't push aside the swirl of dread and worry in her chest.

This was supposed to be fun and exciting and a new adventure. And she was awesome at making friends. Not so awesome at hanging onto them, but that really wasn't her fault since she never stayed in one place too long. She knew how to make friends, but not how to keep them and the prospect of not having a natural end point sort of terrified her. The only constant friendships she ever had were Tim and Nick. And somehow she doubted the girls on her floor were interested in the same things Tim and Nick constantly wanted to do, regardless of her opinion on the matter.

Arizona bobbed her head, and said, "Yeah, Mom, it looks great." Without so much of a second thought, she pulled her mom into a hug. She didn't know what she was going to do with her mom so far away. She was more than used to her dad leaving but she had never really been apart from her mom.

Her mom pulled back and cupped her cheeks. "You're going to be great, Arizona. You're so brave and clever and you're going to do amazing things. And we're only a short drive away." Arizona nodded, not entirely trusting her voice. Did Tim feel like this when they dropped him off at West Point? "Maggie seems like a sweet girl, and I'm sure you'll like your classes and make lots of friends. I know you can do this, Arizona."

"Yeah?"

Her mom brushed her fingers across her cheek. "Of course, you are my daughter after all." Arizona leaned back a bit to wipe away the stray tears, but her mom caught her wrist, bringing her hand up to press a kiss to her palm. "There you go, now whenever you feel homesick, just press your hand to your cheek and you'll know just how much I love you."

"Mom," Arizona whined, "I'm too old for kissing hand."

"You're never too old to be my baby," her mom said before pulling Arizona back into a tight hug. It really had been the two of them for so many years, especially once Tim went off to university. "I love you always, my Arizona."

"Love you too, Mom," Arizona mumbled into her shoulder, any pretense of being embarrassed by the mushiness long gone. Maybe she wasn't ready for college. Maybe she should've taken a gap year, or chosen a school even closer to home. She wasn't ready for this, this was all a mistake.

"I can hear you thinking from the doorway, squirt," her dad said as he set a box down on her desk. "I got you something, if you're not too cool for your dad that is." Arizona really wasn't sure if she could have ever been described as cool, really.

"Are those new skates?"

Her dad bumped his shoulder against hers, a grin on his face that almost seemed out of character for him. "New adventure, new skates. Now, you don't have to use them right away-"

Arizona all but launched herself at her dad, wrapping her arms around his torso. They weren't normally affectionate like this, but Arizona felt they could make an exception for this moment. Normally, she only got hugs from her dad when he was leaving or coming home from deployment, but now she was the one leaving. Was this how he felt every time? A bit lost and confused? She doubted it. He was the Colonel.

Her dad hugged her back, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. "I'm very proud of you, Arizona."

Arizona's breath caught in her chest. She didn't think her dad had ever told her he was proud of her, like genuinely, really proud of her.

---

24 October 1993

New York, NY

"So, tell me, Calliope, have you met anyone?"

"Of course, Mom, I've met lots of people. I meet new people every day. It's a big city. I have lots of classes."

"You know that's not what I meant. You're being obstinate. You didn't date in high school very much. If you don't date in college, by the time you're finished, you'll be considered ineligible."

"What? Ineligible? Mom, c'mon, this isn't 1790. People date, it's casual. No one's getting married."

"It'll seem unusual if you've never had a serious relationship. That's all I'm saying, no need to raise your voice at me."

"Uh, sorry. Oh, I've got to run. Some people are going down for dinner."

"Calliope!"

"Love you!"

---

23 November 1993

Washington, D.C.

"Ah, Jesus, Zo, put a freakin' shirt on!" A loud pounding shocked Arizona back to reality. "Lock your door or something."

Arizona's head turned so quickly she practically gave herself whiplash. The girl beneath her yelped in surprise, scrambling for her shirt.

"Seriously, Arizona?"

"Knock much, Timothy?"

"I did," Tim deadpanned, still holding a hand over his eyes.

Arizona adjusted the collar of her shirt in a poor attempt to conceal the hickey she just knew was on the side of her neck.

"I'm just gonna go. I'll see you later, Arizona." Nina pressed a kiss to the corner of Arizona's mouth before running out of her dorm room.

"Can I look now?" Tim teased, "You decent?"

Arizona stormed past him, smacking him in the gut. "You're a jerk."

"What was her name? She seemed nice." Arizona elbowed him again, delighting in the grunt she managed to draw from her brother. "Where's your roommate?"

"She went home for Thanksgiving already. We were studying."

"Wow, they must have some really advanced studying techniques here. What was that… studying by osmosis?" Tim threw himself into Maggie's desk chair, casting a critical eye around the dorm room. "We don't have that up at West Point."

"You're being rude. I hope you know that." Arizona dug through her closet for a sweater. "I'm almost packed."

"You're not even packed yet? You were sucking on some girls face and you aren't even packed. What are you doing, Arizona?"

"Nothing."

"No, you're acting out. It used to be you'd just punch the mean boys on the playground. Then it was the cigarettes and that time you dyed your hair pink for a whole week. And now, what? You make out with girls. Are you two dating? Is she your girlfriend?"

"What, you're telling me you've never hooked up with a girl. Because my bedroom was next to yours all through high school, Timothy."

"You're not that intimidating, calling me Timothy." Tim pushed off the corner of the desk, spinning around, his eyes never leaving Arizona's. "I worry."

Arizona pinned him with the most unimpressed glare she could muster. "You worry," she mocked, rolling her eyes.

"Yeah, I do."

"You should have better things to worry about then."

"You're my sister."

"Wow, what a profound statement." She turned her back to her brother, hurriedly gathering her books for the long weekend.

Tim grabbed her elbow, forcing her to turn and face him. "Arizona Robbins, you listen to me. I worry about you because you are the best person I know and I don't want you to throw yourself away on random girls. Take them out for dinner. Go to the movies. I don't know. Just… value yourself a bit more, yeah?"

"Shut up, Tim."

"Wow, clever." Even as she twisted against his grip, Tim refused to let her move away. "Why are you doing this? Why are you acting like this?"

Arizona let out an uncharacteristically cold laugh, tipping her head back. "Why does it matter? It's not like I can bring a girl home. The random sorority girls and study buddies are just experimenting. And that's fine. It's… it's whatever."

"That is not whatever, Arizona. You're telling me, that at this huge school, there aren't any girls who, ya know, are like you?"

"I don't know. You can't exactly go around asking people in the middle of class, 'are you gay?'. It's generally frowned upon."

"Join a club. Play intramural soccer or something. Go to a Melissa Etheridge concert or something." Tim pulled her into a hug. "I'm worried about you."

"Melissa Etheridge?"

"I'm hip and cool and up to date with lesbian culture," Tim said with a chuckle. "My point still stands. Stop hooking up with straight girls. It makes you all frowny. It's weird. You should always be smiley."

"You sound like a serial killer."

"I'm being… motivational, inspiring. I want you to meet a nice girl and take her on a date and then you can take off her shirt."

"Please never talk to me again about taking a girl's shirt off," she mumbled into his shoulder. "It's beyond weird."

A soft knock at the door broke the siblings apart. Leaving Tim to zip her bag, Arizona went to the door. "Oh, hey, Jane, is everything okay?"

"Hi Arizona, I was just checking to see if you were still here. I know Maggie left yesterday. Joanne and I are running to the store to pick up some stuff for Thanksgiving dinner. Just checking how many of us are still around."

Arizona stepped aside to let Jane into the room. She pointedly ignored the way Jane's eyes lingered on her brother. "Oh, thanks for asking, but I'm actually headed to my parents' place. They're just down in Virginia. Tim, this is my RA, Jane. Jane, my older brother, Tim."

"Pleasure to meet you," Tim said, offering a hand out.

"Same." Jane blushed and Tim grinned, his dimples popping out. "Are you in university as well?"

"Cadet up at West Point. I'll be graduating in the spring."

"Jane's the same year as you," Arizona cut in, a devious glint in her eye as she took in the smitten expression on her brother's face.

"Is that so?"

"Janey, you almost read- oh, hey Arizona."

"Joanne, hi," Arizona stammered, shoving her hands in her pockets for fear of them doing something stupid. "How's it going?"

"It's good. Who's that?" She whispered, leaning close enough for Arizona to smell her perfume.

Arizona was not going to be jealous. She was used to this. Girls always liked Tim. It was fine. "Oh, my brother, Tim."

"He's cute." Arizona managed a weak smile and nod. "Not as cute as you though." Arizona's cheeks burned red as she twisted to look at Joanne. "Janey, are we going to the store or not?"

"Are you both not able to go home for the holiday?" Tim asked, still holding Jane's hand. Arizona's eyebrow shot up.

"My parents are missionaries. Right now, I think they're somewhere in Africa. Not entirely sure where," Joanne said with a shrug.

"And my mom is with her new boyfriend down in Miami. I didn't really feel like flying down," added Jane, who apparently noticed she was still holding Tim's hand and promptly dropped it. "It's fine though, Jo and I are masters at Thanksgiving by now."

"You should come to ours. It's only like a 45-minute drive from here. We've got room and Mom always cooks for a battalion." Tim glanced between the three girls before him. "Right, Arizona?"

"Hm? Yeah, we'd love to have you," Arizona said, rather proud that she didn't immediately stumble over her words.

"Are you guys sure? I'd hate to impose." Jane tucked a loose curl behind her ear, a flash of distinct handwriting half-hidden beneath a braided bracelet. Arizona swallowed back a gasp, her eyes darting down to Tim's wrist, where sure enough he had written down her dorm address.

"No, no," Arizona said quickly, "You guys should join us. My mom would love it. Her pumpkin pie is to die for."

Could it be that Tim's soulmate had been living down the hall from her for months? What were the odds….

Joanne and Jane exchanged looks before both nodded. "We'd love to," Jane said, smiling up at Tim. Okay, they already looked cute together. This was perfect. Maybe the universe worked after all.

And Arizona could suffer through the awkwardness of Thanksgiving with the girl she had had a crush on for months. It would be fine. It would be totally fine.

As Jane and Joanne went to grab their stuff, Tim threw an arm over Arizona's shoulder. "Dude, you were saying about not knowing any girls who played for your team? 'Cause I'm like 95% certain Joanne's into you."

"Shut up," she mumbled, trying to squirm away from her brother unsuccessfully. "How would you know? You're like straighter than straight."

"Gaydar."

"Where'd you get that? Radio Shack?"

"Yep. Exactly." Tim passed her bag to her. "Let's get this show on the road. Mom promised me lasagna. And she made Grandmère's apple tart. You know, with the almonds?"

"You just think with your stomach all the time, don't you? Also, ix-nay on the Joanne talk. She's not into me. Just, just please don't talk about it at home, please, Timmy."

Tim's brow creased. He pulled her to a stop halfway out of her dorm room. "Arizona, I promise it's your call. I won't say a word to Mom or Dad until you're ready. But I'm your guy whenever you wanna talk about this stuff. You know that, right?"

Blinking back unexpected tears, Arizona nodded. "Yeah, yeah, I know. I'll be sure to mention to Jane what a stand-up, awesome guy you are." Tim flushed pink all the way to his ears. "You were being all dimply and flirty. I saw what I saw."

"Zoie, don't do anything stupid."

"Like what? Telling her you think she's really pretty? Would that be embarrassing to you?" Arizona sang, pinching Tim's arm. "Oh hey, Jane. You guys ready to go?" The four of them walked out to Tim's beat-up truck that he had spent all of last summer break fixing and Arizona found herself deeply fascinated by Jane's bracelet. All the while, Joanne watched Arizona watch Jane while Tim was enraptured by Jane. "Jane, you take the front seat. I don't mind the back seat. Plus, you're a bit taller than me."

"Oh, then Jo should take it. She's taller than me."

Joanne waved her down. "Nah, I prefer the backseat. You two can continue what I'm sure is a thrilling discussion of constitutional law. I'm sure Arizona and I will have lots to talk about."

Tim shot a ridiculous wink Arizona's way that would've earned him a punch if they were alone. "Awesome. I'm sure you have better music taste than Arizona. It's all punk music and Melissa Etheridge with her."

As she loaded the luggage into the trunk, she drew a finger over her throat at her brother. He was seriously asking for it.

"That doesn't sound too bad to me," Joanne commented, sliding into the seat next to Arizona. "Why are you so interested in Jane's wrist?" she whispered, mindful to keep her voice low.

"No reason!" Arizona squeaked out, far too aware of the heat of Joanne's hand on her leg. Joanne lifted a single eyebrow at her. "Look at my brother's wrist," she whispered, nodding towards his hand on the steering wheel.

"Holy crap," Joanne let out a low whistle. "Would you look at that?"

"What're you two whispering about?" Tim called back.

"Nothing! Jane, Tim keeps his CDs in the glove box. The best one is labelled Timmy's Jams. It's super awesome." She flashed a bright smile at Jane even as Tim mouthed that he was going to kill her later.

Arizona spent the 45 minutes watching Tim and Jane interact, the way Tim's smile was somehow wider than she had ever seen it and how Jane blushed and how their hands kept brushing against each other's in the centre console. It was nothing short of magical to watch them.

In all of her observation of Tim and Jane, she somehow missed the way Joanne was observing her equally as seriously.

" Bienvenue chez moi [Welcome to my home] , " Tim said as he offered a hand out for Jane to help her out of the car.

"Wow, he's a gentleman and he speaks French," muttered Joanne, passing Arizona her bag. "What a catch."

"It's not that impressive . " Arizona winked at Joanne, drawing on Tim's example. Arizona was awesome at flirting. At least with the random straight girls who just wanted to experiment. Someone like Joanne, who she actually liked, that was a whole 'nother thing.

The stunned expression on Joanne's face was enough to keep a smile on her face all through her mother's fussing over them as they walked into the house and even her father's gruff appraisement of her and Tim. As Tim led the two girls up to the spare bedroom, her mother pulled Arizona into the kitchen, claiming she needed a hand with dinner. Which, of course, was code for there was something she wanted to talk to Arizona about without her father.

"So…."

"What?" Arizona dropped into her usual spot at the kitchen table, grabbing an apple from the bowl. "Are you okay? You have a funny look on your face."

"Jane and Joanne are lovely. You said they live down the hall from you?"

"Mhm, they're both seniors. Jane's pre-law and Joanne's in econ or something. She's the TA for my econ class this semester."

"Your brother's smitten with Jane already."

Arizona leaned across the table. "I think their marks match. Tim had my address written down on his wrist and I'm almost positive that I saw it on Jane's."

Her mother gasped, taking the seat opposite Arizona. "Are you sure?" Arizona nodded quickly. "Oh, that's wonderful. Do they know?"

"Don't think so. But as soon as Jane reads it, it's my dorm room, so I think she'll figure it out. Tim's smart. Or well, Jane's pretty smart so she'll figure it out."

Her mother gently slapped her arm. "Be nice to your brother." Her mother stroked Arizona's hand, a thoughtful look in her eye. "Joanne seems nice too."

"Um, yeah, I guess." Arizona pulled her hand back, folding them in her lap. Suddenly very interested in the state of her cuticles, she stared at her lap.

"Pretty too." Arizona chewed on the inside of her cheek, her stomach slowly knotting in on itself. "Arizona." Arizona shook her head, her hair falling across her face. "Arizona. Bug, look at me."

Only years of following orders allowed Arizona to lift her gaze and meet her mother's warm hazel eyes. Her mother smiled kindly at her and Arizona thought she was going to throw up. "Mama, I…"

"It's okay, it's okay." A sob tore its way from Arizona's chest and her mother shifted to the chair next to Arizona, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. Arizona pressed her face into the crook of her mother's neck as tears poured down her face. "I've got you, bug."

"I didn't know how to tell you."

"Shh… it's okay," her mother cooed, brushing her fingers through Arizona's hair. "I love you, Arizona."

"You do?"

"Arizona, look at me." Arizona lifted her head, hiccupping. "Arizona, I love you, honey. But I've known for a good few years now. I was just waiting for you to be ready."

"You knew?"

"I'm your mother."

"Does… does Dad know?"

"Your father… he doesn't notice much, he doesn't always know what goes on in this house. You can tell him when you're ready." Her mother tucked her hair behind her ear. "It's okay, Arizona. It's okay."

"I'm gay, Mama," Arizona admitted in a whisper. "And you've known for a while." Her mother nodded. Arizona broke into a fit of giggles. "I thought you'd be mad."

"I still expect grandbabies, young lady."

"Oh my God, Mom."

"What? You can adopt or something."

"Can we not talk about this?"

"I'm proud of you, Arizona." Her mother pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Really, I am. I know that you haven't had the easiest time with all the moving and new places. But you have turned into a wonderful, beautiful young woman with a good heart and just so smart. I know you'll be a wonderful doctor someday and you'll meet your soulmate, wherever she is, and be miraculous together."

"Thank you, Mama," sighed Arizona, scrubbing away the residual tears. "I love you."

"You don't need to talk to your dad today or tomorrow, but don't underestimate him. He's a good man, just like you and your brother. And if he acts like a fool, well, I've been married to a Marine for a long time…" That sent Arizona into another peal of giggles with the deadly serious expression on her mother's face.

"What's so funny, Zo?"

"Nothing you need to concern yourself with, Timothy," her mother shot back, still rubbing soothing circles on Arizona's back.

"Is this weird girl stuff? Because if so, I don't want to be involved." When neither of them responded, Tim threw his hands up. "I'm gonna go talk to Dad. He's not being weird. You two are being weird. The two upstairs are being weird. I give up. I'm outnumbered," he grumbled, turning on his heel and leaving the kitchen.

"Why don't you go and check on your friends, bug?" Her mother patted her cheek. "Dinner'll be ready in about half an hour."

Arizona shouldered her bag and headed towards her room, only to be pulled into the spare room by Joanne. "Whoa, where's the fire?"

"Little Robbins, what's your room number?"

Groaning at the old nickname, she rolled her eyes. "Don't call me that and why?"

"Your brother's tall. You're short. He's big Robbins, you're little Robbins," Joanne explained, pulling Arizona down onto the bed while Jane paced in front of them.

"Yeah, yeah, you're not creative. Why do you need to know my room number? And don't you guys already know it?"

"I need to know because of this." Jane shoved her wrist into Arizona's face, a near manic look in her eyes. "Because I doubt you give out your address to strangers on the street and I'm almost positive that this is your room number."

Arizona read her brother's handwriting, the familiar way he wrote his 'a's' apparent. "My room's A23." Joanne whooped loudly next to Arizona. Jane merely squeaked. "And that is Tim's handwriting. You should go talk to him."

"Oh my God. Oh my freakin' God." Jane tugged a hand through her hair. "Oh my God."

"She's normally more articulate than this," Joanne whispered loudly.

"You, just, just shut up."

"Tim's downstairs. Maybe go and talk to him?" Arizona suggested, trying to smile reassuringly up at her brother's soulmate. "I promise he's a pretty good guy."

Jane nodded, a fierce determination crossing her features. "You're right. Yeah, okay. You're right. I'll just go and tell him, what, hey I think we're soulmates? That's so stupid."

"Um, yeah, I guess so?" Arizona shrugged. The older girl twisted away to resume her pacing. "Seriously, Tim's a good guy, even if he is my brother and gross. But just go ask to talk to him outside or something."

"Janey, take a breath. Little Robbins- ow!, Little Robbins- stop elbowing me! Little Robbins is right."

"Breathing. Yeah, that's a thing. Right."

"I could go get Tim for you if you want." Arizona started to stand up, only to be pulled back down by Joanne. "Or not. Okay. Well, dinner's going to be ready soon and I think my parents will notice you being weird. I'd just go tell him. If he's a jerk, I can totally kick his ass for you."

"I like you, Little Robbins. You're feisty."

"Oh, would you drop the Little Robbins thing?"

"It's cute."

"It is not. It makes me sound like a bird or something."

"Your name is Robbins. Which is a kind of bird."

"It's spelt differently."

"You're pouting."

"Am not."

"You totally are. It's pretty cute."

"Hey- wait, where's Jane?" Arizona turned away from Joanne and her very pretty eyes. "Oh my God, she's going to talk to Tim!"

"Oh, look, they're talking outside," Joanne said, pulling Arizona over to the window that looked out across the backyard. "She's showing him her arm. They're talking."

"I have eyes, you know."

"And they're very pretty."

"What… whatever. Oh my God, they're going to kiss," squealed Arizona, clutching onto Joanne's arm. "I can't believe they found each other. And ew, gross, I really don't want to watch my brother kiss anyone." Arizona leapt back from the window, wrinkling her nose in disgust.

"Oh, they're like fully making out now."

"I'm begging you to stop talking."

"Big Robbins can get it."

"Joanne!"

Joanne joined Arizona on the edge of the bed. "Aw, don't worry, you're far cuter than your brother."

Arizona tipped her head to the side. "Thanks, I think?"

Joanne brushed her fingers along Arizona's jaw, gently cradling her face. Arizona blinked a few times, her heart pounding in her chest. "Mhm, very cute. Hot even. With the eyes and the dimples and everything, very hot," Joanne whispered against Arizona's lips. Arizona inhaled sharply before moving forward to properly kiss Joanne, bringing one hand up to tangle in Joanne's dark hair.

One of them, Arizona admittedly wasn't sure which, moaned into the kiss.

"Arizona! Dinner!"

Joanne pulled away sharply and Arizona nearly fell on top of her. Joanne righted her as Arizona called, "Coming, Mom!"

Joanne pressed a quick kiss to Arizona's lips before standing to her feet and sauntering out of the room.

Arizona fell back on her back, brushing her fingers over her lips.

Tim found his soulmate and a really pretty girl kissed her. Not a bad day, all in all.

---

2 January 1995

New York, New York

Callie was going to absolutely murder some overly cheerful woman named Joy in, oh, about 3 minutes. Somehow every part of her body ached. Actually, maybe she'd just murder her roommate, Emily, for dragging her to this hellish place. Emily claimed that this helped her think and relax.

Well, Callie was neither relaxed nor able to think beyond the ache in her hamstrings and shoulders. Yoga was for chumps. There, she said it. She'd much rather do pretty much anything at this point. Even jogging and jogging was a Goddamned nightmare.

She was not built for this. Biologically and evolutionarily speaking, this was not something she was prepared for. As a potential anthropology major, she felt mildly qualified to speak on this.

God, she was still so hungover. Was she dying? No, she refused to die in some poorly lit yoga studio that smelled like someone was definitely smoking a joint in the other room. She had more dignity than that. As Joy passed by with some "positive energy", Callie briefly reconsidered that thought. None of this felt very dignified.

"And if you'd join me in savasana to end our practice."

Callie swallowed a groan as she moved to lay on her back. In the process, she managed to shoot a glare at Emily, who smiled serenely back.

She partially tuned into Joy for a moment before remembering how grating she found her voice to be.

Callie was practically the first person on her feet, eager to leave the oppressive warmth of the yoga studio. It felt like tequila was coming out of her pores. Somehow the cold of a New York winter seemed preferable in her hungover state.

Yoga was the fucking worst.

"D'you mind hanging out for a minute and then we can head home? I just wanna talk to Jason," Emily asked as the pair of them rolled up their yoga mats.

"Uh, yeah, fine. Go flirt with yoga boy. I'll be outside. I feel like I'm gonna puke."

Emily just waved her on, her focus already on the guy she had been trying to chat to for the past semester. Despite Emily's claims that yoga was good for thinking, Callie knew she was in it for the cute guys. And she couldn't blame her. But Callie was distinctly not in the mood for flirting in her current state.

Pulling her puffer on over her sweaty clothes, she stepped out of the yoga studio before some random yoga goer could draw her into conversation.

The sharp air was a balm on her rising nausea. She exhaled a shaky breath, pressing her shoulders back into the brick wall.

"Must you smoke?"

"We're outside! It's fine."

"That doesn't mean you need to smoke. I'm sure Uncle Dan would be thrilled to hear about his little girl smoking."

"Pfft, he's a total pushover."

"Fine, Aunt Babs."

Callie glanced over to the two women sat outside the coffee shop next door. The blonde one's back was to her, but she was clearly the one smoking, a lit cigarette dangling from her fingers off to the side. The other woman faced Callie, more of a strawberry blonde than the other woman.

Whoever their aunt was, she was apparently scary enough for the blonde to put out her cigarette.

"Look, I know the past few months have been rough."

The blonde tossed her head back, her hair falling over her shoulder. Callie redirected her gaze across the street to a bus stop. It was all well and good to eavesdrop, but better not to be caught staring at random people. Callie learned that quickly her first week at NYU.

"Yeah, they've been rough."

"I never liked Joanne."

"You never said anything. You coulda said something, Cath."

"You seemed happy. I didn't want to ruin that for you."

One of the women sighed heavily enough that Callie could hear it.

"Well, it's ruined."

Why was Callie so strangely invested in this woman's presumed love life?

Maybe it was that Callie's was so desperately boring at the moment.

"Sweetie, I'm sorry. But it's been what, a month now?"

"Something like that."

"I promise you, it'll get better. You've got to kiss a few frogs to find your prince, er, princess." One of the women laughed and Callie strangely thought it was sort of beautiful.

"Thanks, Cath. And thanks for letting me come for New Years'. Jane feels horrible about the whole Joanne thing and Tim's being, well, Tim about it. But I really needed a change of pace."

"'course. You're always welcome here. And I'll have Tom take you over to Columbia with him so you can take a look at the medical school. It's not too early to start looking."

"You just want a free babysitter for Danny, so you two can go out."

"Ready to go, Cal?"

Callie jerked out of her eavesdropping trance. "Yep. Did you get Jason's number? Because I'm not coming back here."

Emily nodded, showing off a brochure for the yoga studio with a number scrawled in sharpie. "C'mon, I'll buy you a hot coco for your moral support." Emily looped an arm through Callie's, their puffers rubbing against each other. "God, it's freezing out here. Aren't you cold just standing here?"

Callie laughed as Emily tugged her down the street towards the subway entrance. "I was so overheated. And I was totally eavesdropping on people at the cafe next door. Some girl apparently just got dumped by her girlfriend or something."

"Ooh, lesbian drama. Very fun. D'you think dating a girl would be easier than a guy? You'd get twice the clothes and shoes."

"You already steal my clothes all the time."

"I'd just like to point out that you are literally wearing my jacket right now, Cal," shot back Emily as they stopped halfway down the train platform.

"I'm from Florida. It doesn't snow there."

"You've been here for years!" laughed Emily. "So, any progress on your major during yoga?"

Callie sighed, rocking back on her heels. "All I could think of during yoga was 'ow', 'that shouldn't be there' and 'please make it stop'."

"You just have to get into it. It gets better."

"I'll take your word for it. But no. I still don't have any idea about my major. I don't even know what I want to do after I graduate."

"Can't you go work for your dad?"

Callie paused for a moment so they could catch their train. "Yes," she finally replied, "but I really don't want to unless it's my only option. I don't want to rely on my dad for my entire life. He's amazing and I love him. But I want to live my own life, you know."

Emily held up her hands across the aisle from Callie. "Hey, I'm not the one with a trust fund."

"That trust fund pays our rent."

"And I'm forever grateful for that and I love Papa Torres very much." Emily hesitated before continuing, "But you're your own person, Cal. You don't need to define yourself on other people. I mean, you could pretty much do anything. You're smart, you've got cash. You could go to law school with me. Or go get an MBA or go dick around Europe for a few years and flirt with hot, hot European guys. I dunno. I think you're working yourself up for no reason."

Callie picked idly at her thumbnail, staring at an odd stain near her feet. "Yeah," she sighed, "you're probably right. I just… it's frustrating."

"You'll figure it out. You could always apply to business school or law school like your dad wants and then take a year off to figure things out. I'm sure you could just defer or whatever. Join the Peace Corps or Greenpeace or something. You've got options, kid."

"Kid? I'm like five months older than you."

"And yet, I'm very wise and have my next five years planned out."

"Touche." Callie leant back in her seat, squeezing her eyes shut. "I am so hungover. Never make me do yoga again."

"How about non-hungover yoga?"

"You are seriously pushing your luck, Em."

---

9 April 1995

Washington, D.C.

"Mornin', Lieutenant Robbins."

"Morning, Arizona. Are you by yourself?"

"Yes?"

" Good, good, I just wanted to make sure that Jane wasn't there. "

"Okay? I mean, your girlfriend isn't usually in my apartment at 7 in the morning. Did you take a nasty hit to the head down there in Georgia? You can get all loopy with a concussion."

"Haha. You're hilarious as always. No, no, I need your help. "

"Are you out of money? Because I'm equally broke."

"IwanttoproposetoJaneatThanksgiving."

"Come again?"

"I'm going to propose to Jane at Thanksgiving."

"Thanksgiving? I think you need something with more romance. I know you met at Thanksgiving. But when are you going to do it? After the turkey and before the pies? Well, I suppose if Mom and I decorated the back yard for you… we could put up some lights and make it cute… you did have your first kiss there…. Okay, I'm convinced. I'm team Thanksgiving proposal. Do you have a ring yet?"

"No, not yet. Nick's coming with- wait, you were watching us? You're such a creep."

"No, I'm the one who found your soulmate for you, so you're welcome. And would you look at the time, I've gotta run. Love you lots!"

"Arizona-"

---

10 September 1995

New York, New York

"Yo, Cal, you've got something on your arm."

"Huh?" Callie asked, flopping onto her back as those last few tequila shots hit her, her jacket discarded somewhere on the floor. "Emily, why's the world spinning?"

"'Cause you're a drunky drunk," Emily called back, equally vulnerable to the spinning of the world. "Did you get some guy's number and not tell me? That's rude. Lemme see." With all the typical grace of a drunk 20-something, Emily stumbled across the small room to Callie's bed. " If lost, call 202-555-1370. "

Callie lifted her head slightly to stare at the huge blocky letters on her right arm. "Weird. He's right-handed."

"We should call the number! We can totally find your soulmate tonight! Or is it this morning? I dunno, Cal, but this is huge! All mine ever does is write his very vague grocery list and tell the occasional knock-knock joke. Here I'll dial."

"Wait, Em, I dunno if we shoul-" But it was too late, Emily had already dialled the number and shoved the phone at Callie. "It's ringing."

"I know," Emily whispered back, pressing her face against the other side of the phone. "This is so exciting."

" Hello? Hello? - hey, cut that out, Toni, " A distinctly female giggle came over the line. " Uh, are you lost? Seriously, Ton, " the giggling was replaced with what might have been a moan and Callie sort of wanted to throw the phone out the window. " Hello? Did you find a lost freshman or something? Toni, I swear to Go- " Callie abruptly ended the call before she could hear anymore.

"So… uh, that was… huh," Emily said, collapsing back against the wall. "She sounded hot. That's a good sign. Ya know, that he can pull a hot girl. He must be hot or something."

"Uh-huh."

But Emily's placations did little to settle the odd swirl of jealousy in the pit of her stomach. She didn't even know who he was. She had hooked up with and dated guys before so he was well in his right to do so with some random giggling girl, who was probably a total idiot.

"Oh God, do you think he has a serious girlfriend? Or just sleeps with a lot of girls?"

Emily curled a bit into Callie's side. "Hm, he'll probably be good in bed then. 'm sleepy. It's all so spinny. Remind me tomorrow that we should never drink tequila again." Emily retrieved a nearby Sharpie, pulling Callie's hand into her lap. "No more tequila for Emily," she enunciated as she wrote it out on the back of Callie's hand. She then looked to her own hand. "No more tequila for Callie," she added to her own hand.

"No more tequila," Callie agreed with a groan.

---

10 June 1996

Boston, Massachusetts

"Arizona, I am freaking out here."

Arizona glanced up from the magazine she'd been idly flipping through. Sure enough, her brother was pacing up and down the length of the room. If he kept going, he was going to crease his dress uniform and their father'd have a breakdown.

"Tim, you've only got like 8 more minutes of freaking out then. Dad's schedule was pretty clear."

"You're no help, you realize that."

"I'm super helpful. I'm just not sure what you want me to do here. I'd offer to go check on Jane for you, but she's there and I'd rather not. No offence to your future wife, but she's got horrible taste in friends."

Tim twisted on his heel, looking far more like a nervous teenager asking his crush to prom than an Army officer about to marry the love of his life. "You're the one who dated her for a year plus."

"I was young and misguided," Arizona deadpanned, flipping another page of her magazine. "You have 6 minutes. Should I go get Dad? I'm sure he's got some sort of Marine-style, pull your act together wisdom."

"You're really annoying. Have I ever told you that?" Tim shot back, his fingers idly fussing with his tie.

Arizona grinned up at him before standing to her feet. Even with her heels, she was still far shorter than her brother, just barely coming past his shoulder. She laid her hands on his shoulders, forcing him to lean down a bit. "Timothy, Jane is your soulmate. You love her, she loves you, the rest of it isn't important. It's nothing short of magical. And you two are going to go get married and have ridiculously cute babies so Mom has some grandbabies to fuss over and you're going to live an incredibly happy life. Now, chin up, soldier," she joked in a weak impression of their father. "There's a very pretty girl who's going to be waiting for you, so you don't want to be late."

Tim nodded, his bottom lip wobbling a bit. "Thank you, Zo. I needed that."

"Don't you dare start crying now, Timmy. Because if you cry, I'll cry and Joanne will think it's about her and we can't have Dad starting a fight at your wedding." Arizona managed a chuckle at the stricken expression on her brother's face. "I'm really happy for you. Like really, super happy."

"Before you know it, it'll be your turn and I'll have to give some dramatic speech to get you down the aisle and save the day." Arizona pushed at his shoulder before hugging her brother tightly.

"Lieutenant, you ready to rock and roll? Aw, Robbins family hugs, and you didn't invite me?" Nick launched himself at the pair of siblings. "Love you guys," Nick mumbled into Arizona's hair. "Don't suppose I could talk you into a double wedding, Tombstone? We're due for a renewal. Ow, ow, stop that, both of you!" Nick yelped, swatting away their pinching fingers. "It was a joke, geez."

"In your dreams, Nicolas." Arizona pushed up onto her toes to press a kiss to her brother's cheek. "You're running a minute late. You best get out there before the Colonel comes looking for you. He's all yours, Nick. I'm gonna go find Mom and Dad."

As she left the room, she glanced back at her brother and his nervous twitching beneath his dress uniform. He and Jane had made her believe in happy endings and fairytales again.

---

28 July 1997

Gaborone, Batswona

Callie smiled back at the Peace Corps volunteer waiting for her to finish her call. He looked bored with the whole situation, a cigarette dangling from his lips.

" ... who is this? Hello? Hello? "

"Mami? Mami, it's Callie."

"Callie! Where are you? Your father and I have been worried sick. Where are you? Carlos! It's Callie!"

" Calliope!" Her father yelled into the phone. Callie winced, pulling the phone away from her ear. "Where are you?"

"I already asked that, Carlos."

"Mami, Daddy, take a breath, please. Um, please don't be mad." She exhaled slowly, bracing herself. "I'm in Botswana."

"You're where?" Her mother's voice reached decibels previously unknown. " ¿Que estabas pensando? De todas las cosas idiotas que hacer ... ¿por qué no puedes ser más como Aria? [What were you thinking? Of all the idiotic things to do ... why can't you be more like Aria?] " Of course, Aria would never do something like this. Because Aria was perfect and had an MBA and was married and pregnant.

"I joined the Peace Corps!" She whisper-yelled into the phone in a desperate attempt to stem her mother's agitated rambling. "Daddy, say something, please."

" You joined the Peace Corps? What happened to your internship in New York? I thought you liked working for James' company. I had to pull a lot of strings to get you that internship, Calliope. And what about your business school applications? Are you going to submit them from Africa? "

Callie dragged a hand through her hair, her fingers catching on the tangles formed over the course of the over 24 hours of travel. "Daddy, I just… I need to do this. Something that I chose, that I got by my own merit." Her father started to protest, but Callie powered through, "I don't want to go to business school. I don't know what I want to do, but I need to have the opportunity to figure it out. All my life, I've been privileged. I need to, I want to give back. Can't you understand that?"

"Calliope, it sounds dangerous-"

"Carlos, your daughter is doing something immensely charitable. We should be proud. "

"Thank you, Mami."

" I am very concerned about this, Calliope. You don't want to go to business school?"

Callie sagged against the phone booth. "No, I don't. I never loved it like you or Aria."

"You couldn't have done some volunteer work with one of your mother's charities here in Miami. You're on the other side of the world, mija." Her father sighed heavily and she could picture him burying his face in his hands. "I worry about you, Calliope. You're so impulsive sometimes."

"I need to do something that's just me. Not built off of you and Mami. I'm doing this for me. Please understand that."

There was a long silence and all Callie could hear was the bustling of the airport behind her.

"Fine, fine, Calliope. But I am giving you the number of my international banker and also a friend of mine who is based in South Africa. And you will call at minimum once a month. Your mother and I would prefer more frequently. But at least once a month. Do you have cash? I can send you more cash if you need."

A smile broke onto her face at her father's words. "Thank you, Daddy! No, I brought cash. I promise I have enough. Let me find a pen and paper." She cradled the phone in her shoulder. "Hey, do you have a pen and paper?"

The volunteer rolled his eyes, but dug around in his pockets. "Only got a pen, sorry," he spoke around his cigarette. "Can you hurry this up? We're on a schedule."

"Yeah, 'course. One more minute." Her father painstakingly relayed the various numbers to her and she scribbled them down. If she didn't know any better, she'd say her father was on the verge of tears.

" Te amo, Calliope. Go be brilliant."

Callie echoed back similar sentiments, the weight of what she had done settling on her. She wouldn't see her parents for two years. She sniffled a bit. Two whole years.

But as with everything, she would be the best and then hopefully, she'd know what to do with her life.

---

7 July 1998

Boston, Massachusetts

" Sláinte !" Tim called, raising his glass for cheers. Arizona, along with a handful of Robbins cousins, joined him. "Last one done buys the next round." All five of them set to finishing their pints, Arizona narrowly coming in last.

"Aw, Baby Zozo, you're the only one still in school. You should be better at this," her cousin Brooks teased, nudging her with his elbow.

She happily elbowed him back. "In med school. With lots and lots of student loans. So you're all getting the cheap stuff. Unless you're gonna fork over some cash, Brooks, with your fancy job." He grumbled good-naturedly but passed her a few twenties.

"Don't say I never do anything for you." Brooks ruffled her hair before his sister flicked his ear. "Cath," he whined, sounding far more like a twelve-year-old than a forty-year-old father of three. "You're being mean."

"You know the rules, no picking on Arizona."

"That was a rule when I was like five, Cath," Arizona said, leaning around Brooks to see Cath.

Cath pinned her with a look that reminded her far too much of her mother's. "You're the baby. It's the rules. Right, Ryan?"

The middling cousin tore his gaze away from some women at the bar. "What's that?"

"Cath is fussing over Arizona."

Ryan chuckled, "She's been doing that for years. Carting her around like her own personal baby doll."

Arizona pouted a bit, folding her arms over her chest. "I'm nearly 23! I'm in medical school. I'm gonna be a doctor."

"Aw, but you'll always be the five-year old that threw up Christmas cookies on Ryan," Tim interjected, pinching her cheek. Arizona snapped at him.

"Or when Cath took her shopping when she was a baby and everybody thought Cath was a teen mom."

"Aunt Barb asked me to take her." Cath threw an arm over Arizona's shoulder, swaying a bit after her third pint. "And now look at you. Gonna be a doctor."

"Okay," Arizona sang, carefully slipping out of Cath's grip, "I'm gonna go get the next round and some water for Cath."

"I'll give you a hand." Tim trailed after her, glaring at the guy on the corner of the bar who'd been eyeing Arizona all night. "Two o'clock," Tim whispered in her ear as they leaned against the bar, nodding towards the guy, "He's gonna buy you a drink and come over here."

Arizona cast a wary glance. He was vaguely, conventionally attractive if you're into that sort of thing. Sure enough, a bartender slid a shot over to Arizona, saying, "That guy over there sent you this, but," and the woman leaned over the bar, "you can do much better."

"You offering?"

"Maybe. Find me before you leave, hm? If I'm not around, give me a call, cutie." The bartender quickly scribbled her number onto Arizona's hand.

"Sure thing." Arizona winked, delighting in the slight flush on the other woman's cheeks. She turned back to her brother, finding him grinning. "Oh shut up, Timothy. Go bring Cath some water." Arizona twisted back to wave down a bartender but managed to knock into somebody else. "Oh sorry!"

The other girl waved her off. "What's the deal with tall, blonde and handsome over there?" She jerked a thumb towards Tim.

Arizona stifled a laugh. "Tim? He's my brother."

"Is he single?"

"Happily married to his soulmate." She managed an apologetic grin at the other woman, who groaned dramatically. "Sorry."

"The good ones are always married or taken," the other woman moaned with a shake of her head. "By the way, the bartender is totally into you." Arizona flashed her palm. "Nicely done. This calls for tequila! Hey, Jake, four tequila shots for me and my friend!"

"Oh, you don't have to-" Arizona fumbled for the cash her cousin had given her.

"Nah," the other woman cut her off with a wave, "It's going on my bitch of a mother's card, so I'm buying for everyone."

"Right…"

As Jake poured their shots, the woman held up her hand for Arizona to see. "My soulmate writes me dirty jokes sometimes. It's great. She's a total bitch."

"She?"

"Oh, we're both totally straight. Or like 95% straight. We figure it's platonic. Cheers, Jake." The woman shoved two shots over to Arizona. "I'm guessing you haven't found yours yet."

"Nope."

"Alright then, to finding our soulmates!"

They both tossed back a shot easily, quickly reaching for the next one.

"Cheers," Arizona volunteered, holding up her shot to the other woman. Arizona coughed a bit as the tequila burned down her throat. "Thanks for that."

"Oi, Z, stop flirting and get us our beer!" Ryan yelled across the bar.

Arizona twisted to yell back over her shoulder. "I'm coming, chill out, Ryan!" She turned back to her drinking companion, only to find the woman had blended back into the crowd. "Huh."

---

8 October 1998

Mookane, Botswana

Callie swiped a hand over her face before more sweat could drip into her eyes. She glanced up to the guy helping her catalogue the clinic's supplies, finding him looking at her expectantly. Admittedly, she hadn't been listening as he recounted how he met his soulmate.

"Sorry, zoned out a bit. This heat's really getting to me."

Brandon chuckled as he pushed back his own long and admittedly sweaty red hair. His nose seemed to be permanently sunburned at this point as well. "No worries, Cal. I get it. Ronnie always says I just like the sound of my own voice sometimes." He passed her a box of gauze. "I never asked, have you met your soulmate yet?"

Callie shook her head, her gaze falling to the back of her hand. A laundry list of assignments was all but faded against her skin. "No, not yet."

"You'll find them, er, him," Brandon offered with a kind smile. "He's out there, just waiting for you."

"Thanks, Brandon."

"Who knows, maybe you'll find him here?"

Callie chuckled, stretching up on her toes to shove the gauze onto the top shelf. "Yeah, stranger things have happened. But honestly, I'm not that hung up on it. It'd be great to find him, but I'm of the opinion that you can have totally happy, fulfilling relationships beyond your soulmate."

"You should write that down or something. You could write a book."

"How to live well without your soulmate? Yeah, that'd make a killing. If only there was a book on what to do with your life after you pushed off major decisions for two years. What're you doing after this?"

"Going back to school, man. I'm getting my masters in civil engineering. I wanna help people, ya know?"

"Same. Well, to the helping people, not the engineering part. I want to help people. Like that kid the other day that Doc was working on."

"The polio kid?"

"Yeah, that's what I want to do."

"Help people with polio?"

"Well, yes, but no. I want to help people walk again, make things better for them. I've been thinking about maybe applying to medical school. I always liked science."

"Then do it, man! You've gotta go out there and seize the day!"

"Thanks, Brandon, I appreciate the support."

She really ought to give her dad a call. He'd be able to help her from the States and he'd probably just be thrilled she had some sort of plan going forward.

She was going to be a doctor. Yeah, that sounded right somehow.

Callie grinned to herself as she started counting the packs of gloves in the clinic.

---

18 August 1999

Baltimore, Maryland

" Hey, Arizona? Arizona? Dude, are you even listening to me? "

"Ah, yeah, sorry. I was just surprised. What were you saying?"

" I decided to run away with Nick. We've been madly in love this whole time. I'm leaving Jane. "

"Hm, that's nice, Tim."

" Arizona! "

"What have I said about using the Colonel voice?"

"You weren't listening. I'm trying to get your very important feedback on Jane's birthday present. I'd appreciate your full attention. You don't have a girl over, do you? "

"What? No, no. Sorry, Tim. I just, it's, the marks are back."

"Seriously? Hasn't it been like nearly two years since there were signs of life?"

"Yeah, um, there's a… I think it's a flight number. I just… I assumed that she met someone and was consciously not doing it. Which could still be the case. But she never responded. Whatever, it's not important. Let's hear these ideas."

"Oh, right, yeah…. Lemme grab 'em. At first, I was thinking jewelry… but that's simple, easy and very, very expensive…."

---

14 February 2000

Miami, Florida

"Good morning," a soft voice broke through Callie's half-conscious state. "Happy Valentine's Day, Cal."

Callie rolled onto her side, slowly blinking away sleep. "Mornin', Todd." She pushed herself up onto her elbows to press a kiss to the corner of her boyfriend's mouth. "You're up early. I thought you didn't have class until the afternoon."

"I don't, but I wanted to make you breakfast. And you've got class at 10."

"I can definitely get behind that plan."

"Perfect, first, champagne!" Todd reached down and pulled out a bottle of champagne. Callie's stomach tightened at the sight of the label. "This is the brand you like, right? Your dad mentioned it at dinner last month?" He asked, misinterpreting Callie's expression as disappointment. Well, she was disappointed, disappointed that Todd felt like he need to spend well over $100 on a bottle of champagne for her.

"No, no, it's perfect, thank you so much." She pushed down the guilt welling within her. "I was just surprised is all."

Todd didn't talk much about money, but she knew he had significant student loans and his parents, both elementary school teachers, weren't able to help him out very much. They spent the majority of their time at Callie's apartment, a gorgeous two-bed with stunning floor to ceiling windows that looked out across Miami. It had been a gift in celebration of Callie starting medical school. Todd's place, on the other hand, was shared between him and three other guys and only had hot water in the mornings for about twenty minutes.

And Todd had gone out and bought an expensive bottle of champagne simply because her father had mentioned it was her favourite. Because Callie had a favourite champagne.

"Oh crap, I forgot the orange juice. I'll go grab it."

"I'll come with. I should get out of bed."

"You sure you don't want breakfast in bed? 'Cause I can do breakfast in bed." Todd beamed at her, his lone dimple popping out.

She reached out for him to help her out of bed. "I'm good. I'll keep you company."

As she followed him out to the kitchen, state of the art, of course, she couldn't shake the feeling of guilt and dread over what else Todd had planned for the day. Todd was by far the nicest, most genuine guy she'd ever dated. With his boyish smile and long limbs, he sort of bounded everywhere, always a bit taller than everyone else. He was the kind of guy who'd help little old ladies with their shopping and stopped to help a kid get a kite out of a tree. Her parents were perfectly charmed by him and his Midwestern sensibilities. He was a Protestant, which was mark against him, but he called his parents regularly and attended church at least once a month, which was more than Callie could say sometimes.

They'd only been dating for five months now, but it was by far the healthiest five months of a relationship Callie'd ever experienced. It was easy with Todd. He liked going out and dancing and watching horror movies.

But their marks didn't match. Callie was more aware than most that you didn't need matching marks to be happy, to be loved. But a small part of her still wanted the fairytale, even if it wasn't her parents'.

Ever since her father revealed that he and her mother weren't soulmates, Callie had become more aware of the subtle signs in her parents' marriage. They loved each other, there was no question of that. And they loved her and Aria. But they weren't all that affectionate with each other. They shared a perfunctory kiss when her father left for work, but beyond that, the most she ever saw them touching was for photos. They weren't blindly in love with each other.

Callie couldn't bring herself to want that. She wanted to be ridiculously, terribly in love with her soulmate. And she was willing to wait for it.

That didn't mean she couldn't see herself falling in love with Todd. Her mother always said she wasn't cautious with her heart. It was said with such derision and fear as if being openly loving was a negative trait.

"Cal?"

"Hm, sorry, what'd you say?"

"You look deep in thought. Is everything okay?"

"Oh yeah, I was just thinking about my parents. I need to remember to call and wish them a Happy Valentine's Day." Todd nodded, turning back to his pancakes on the stove. "This is so sweet, Todd."

He shrugged. "You deserve it. So we have dinner reservations at 7 tonight."

"Are you sure you don't just want to stay in?"

Something akin to hurt flashed across Todd's face and he shook his head. "It's Valentine's Day. We should go out. I want to treat you." Callie raised her hands in silent placation. "So I'll pick you up around 6:30 then?"

"What's the dress code?"

"Pretty dressy. You could wear that dark red one. You're drop dead gorgeous in that one."

Callie nodded along. That dress was definitely not a casual dress. That wasn't even just a dressy dress. It was a straight up fancy, going to formal business dinners sort of dress. Callie almost dreaded to think of where they were going that that dress was necessary.

As it turned out, Callie's instinct was correct about how overtly fancy the night Todd had planned for them was. As they smiled at each other across a white tablecloth, Callie found herself fighting the urge to cry or something.

She would've been just as happy with pizza and beers or going to the movies or hanging out in their favourite bar. But ever since Todd met her parents, he had been insisting on nicer outings. He always paid, ever the gentleman, but Callie was increasingly concerned for his finances. He refused to let Callie pay, which she appreciated in theory, but not if it meant Todd would go bankrupt in the process.

"And we have the Chateau Leoville, a wonderful bordeaux from 1985, which was a truly wonderful year for wine," their waitress said, holding the bottle out to Todd, who nodded quickly.

Callie watched in mild horror as Todd went through the process of testing the wine, a bottle of wine that she estimated to be close to $250 at minimum. That was practically what he spent on rent for the week.

"What do you think? It's nice, isn't it?"

Callie hummed, "Delicious. I didn't think you liked red wine though."

"We're at a steakhouse for Valentine's Day, isn't red wine what you should drink? I asked Matthew and he said that that was a good bottle. I had them set it aside for us. Do you not like it?"

Callie reached across the table to grab Todd's hand. "No, no, it's perfect, but it's your Valentine's Day too." She laced their fingers together. "Thank you for this. It's lovely."

Scanning the menu, Callie's heart sank further. This meal would probably bankrupt her very sweet, very misguided boyfriend.

Once their nearly-$100 entrees were ordered, Callie excused herself to the bathroom. On her way, she diverted away from the bathroom to the hostess stand.

"Hi, excuse me." She cast a wary look back towards Todd, but he was still facing away from her.

"Good evening, is there something I can help with?" The hostess asked, a weary, practiced smile on her face. "Was everything alright with your meal?"

"Oh, yes, I mean, we've only just ordered, but everything's always wonderful here. I was actually wondering if I could put down my card, so I can pay for the meal. My boyfriend planned everything and I just want to do something for him, you know?" Callie fumbled for her purse, producing the platinum Amex that linked to her father's account.

The hostess nodded, taking the card from Callie. "Oh, Ms Torres. I'm so sorry I didn't recognize you sooner. Your parents were here just last week." Of course they were. "If you want, I can just put the meal on your father's account here. He's always said that you and your sister are more than welcome to. That way you can keep your card with you."

Callie glanced back at Todd before nodding shortly. "That would be perfect. Thank you, uh, Haley."

"Of course, Ms Torres. I'll have that sorted for you."

Callie opened her mouth, but shut it quickly, unsure what else there was to say. She needed to hurry back regardless before Todd got worried.

"All good, Cal?"

"Yep, just a bit of a line in the bathroom." She pressed a fleeting kiss to his cheek as she passed him. "So, you were saying about your research paper?"

Things were easy with Todd. They liked the same sort of things. They were compatible in bed. But none of that did anything to change the fact that they weren't soulmates. It was like they were just biding time, treading water together until one of them met the right person and left.

Callie couldn't help but feel a strange sense of guilt. It wasn't as if they were cheating or anything of the sort, but it was an odd feeling to be with someone you know you won't end up with.

"Ready to head home?" Todd already had a hand up to wave down their waitress. "If we could get our check please."

"It's already been taken care of. You two have a great night!"

Immediately, Todd's face crumpled into a frown. "Already taken care of? Callie, what's she talking about?"

Callie suddenly found the remnants of her cheesecake absolutely fascinating. "Hm? What's up?" Maybe if she just didn't look at Todd, she wouldn't feel terrible.

"The waitress… our meal's already been paid for? Is that what you were doing when you went to the bathroom?" His voice pitched up, drawing the attention of nearby diners.

"Todd, not here. Let's just go." With jerky movements, Callie stood to her feet and all but stalked out of the restaurant, unable to get the hurt look on Todd's face out of her face.

"Callie!" Todd jogged after her, catching her by the elbow as she stepped out the door. "Callie, what the hell? Did you pay for the dinner? I was treating you. It's Valentine's. Why would you do that?"

"Todd, I was just being nice." Callie kept her words short, mindful of the brewing storm next to her.

Todd's lip curled. "Being nice? Being nice, Cal? That was humiliating. How could you… I tried to do something nice for you. Something that would be up to your standards and you went and did that. D'you not think I'm capable of providing for you?"

"Todd, no-"

"Just 'cause I don't have money like you doesn't mean I'm not able to buy you nice things and take you out to fancy restaurants. God, do you have any idea how embarrassing this is?"

"Todd, it was one dinner. I charged it to my dad's account-"

"Your parents think I'm not worthy of you-"

"My parents loved you when I introduced you-"

"Your dad made some big song and dance about taking care of you and providing you with the happiness you deserve-"

"He's my dad. He's just making sure you're a good guy," Callie shot back, throwing her hands up in frustration. "It's not about the money."

"You're not listening to me, Callie. I am your boyfriend and I brought you to dinner. You should've just let me buy you dinner."

"You wouldn't have been able to pay your rent!"

Todd spluttered, his face turning an alarming shade of red. "You've always looked down on me. Always. What? Am I just some charity case? You're slumming it with me?"

Callie warred with her instinct to keep the peace and the urge to defend herself. "Really, Todd? Really? That's what you think of me?" The urge to yell back at Todd won out. "You're not that great yourself."

"Oh nice, real nice, Callie. You have always made me feel lesser, always the smaller person."

"How? How have I done that? You're not a freakin' sugar baby! Unless that's what you're going for? Or does it just make you feel too emasculated if you don't control everything all the time?"

"Fuck you, Callie."

"No, fuck you, Todd. I'm done." Without so much as a backward glance, Callie stormed off, nearly stumbling in her heels. As she swallowed back a sob, she dialled her father's car service.

She hated this. She hated how much her father's influence and her own privilege dominated her life. It had been so much better in the Peace Corps. No one was trying to position themselves to be closer to her father or to take advantage of her wealth. No one felt threatened or emasculated.

And yet here she was. Another banner Valentine's Day for Callie Torres.

---

13 March 2000

Baltimore, Maryland

"You've reached Jane and Tim Robbins, leave a message after the beep and we'll get back to you as soon as possible!"

"Hey Tim, just calling to say happy birthday! I'm sure you're busy with work and everything. I know Jane's got some stuff planned for you, very top secret plans. I've got your present here and I don't think it'll ship well so you can have it when you next come up to see us. Give me a call when you get this! Love you lots!"

---

11 August 2000

Miami, Florida

Was she hyperventilating? She was pretty sure she was hyperventilating. That seemed like a bad thing. What kind of loser freaked out at their own birthday party? The kind of loser who had no friends and no boyfriend and definitely no soulmate. Her soulmate probably didn't even want her. That was how much of a loser Callie was.

Loud music pumped through the club and Callie wanted to cry. One of her friends tried to wave her over to the dance floor, but Callie couldn't do it. Instead, after brushing surreptitiously at her cheeks, she hurried to the bathroom. Maybe she could just tell her friends she was sick and needed to go home.

Shutting herself into a stall, she slid down onto the probably filthy floor, her back pressed against the wall of the stall. Seriously, what was wrong with her?

A broken sort of sob wrenched its way free of her chest despite her best efforts. Callie curled in on herself, biting down on her fingers so she didn't alert anyone.

She was officially 25 now and it felt like her life was over.

How pathetic was she.

This was not how she thought her life would go. She was supposed to meet her soulmate and be happy. Instead she was crying on the floor of some club Aria had recommended. Of course, Aria had immediately ditched her to dance with her husband, which Callie couldn't even really fault her for.

Even in the bathroom, the music permeated everything and Callie just wanted quiet.

"Hey, are you okay? Are you sick or something? Should I go get someone for you?"

Callie's head shot up and her cheeks burned. "Uh, no, I'm fine."

"Really? Because you're crying kinda loudly. I'm not judging or anything, but are you sure you're okay? Did you get spiked or are you just really drunk?"

Callie sniffled a bit. "No, no, I've barely had anything to drink, despite being the one paying for everything." She laughed a bit at herself. "It's my birthday, and I'm the one paying for everything."

"Oh, that's… that's kind of shitty." The girl's voice sounded closer now. "Happy Birthday. How old are you turning?"

"25. I think I'm having a quarter-life crisis."

"Would it be helpful if I told you the average lifespan is closer to 75, so your quarter-life crisis would actually have been like seven years ago."

"79.5."

"Huh?"

"The average for American women is 79.5, so my quarter-life crisis would be just shy of 20, if my math is right, which it generally is."

The other girl laughed and Callie found herself smiling a bit. "See, you're not having a quarter-life crisis because you're well past your quarter-life. At 25, you're practically middle aged."

"Middle-aged?" Callie asked with a wet laugh, "How old are you? 18 with a fake?"

"Hey, I'm 23 and it's not a fake, despite what the bouncer said."

"Wow, 23, you're a baby."

"Am not. I'll be 24 in October."

"Oh, my bad."

"Yeah, your bad," the other girl huffed. "So, are you still crying?" Callie nearly jumped out of her skin when a hand appeared under the stall wall, offering her a piece of toilet paper.

"Uh, not so much anymore, thanks." The hand disappeared as soon as Callie took the toilet paper. "Just one of those nights, I guess."

"I've had a few of those. Do you want to talk about it?"

Callie shrugged and then remembered the girl couldn't see her. "I dunno. Just feeling sort of lonely on my birthday, which is a sucky thing. I thought my life would be different by the time I was 25, y'know?"

"What did you think would be different?"

"No idea, didn't think I'd be single and not with my soulmate by now."

"Have you considered reaching out to them?"

"God, no."

"Same here. I mean, we talk a bit, but I dunno, I think it's more romantic to let it happen naturally. I know we'll meet eventually. It worked for my parents, my grandparents, all my cousins, my brother married his soulmate a few years ago."

"Yeah," Callie sighed, staring at her hand. "I know. There's just some days-"

"Where it'd be nice to know there's someone just for you? Know you're not destined to be alone?"

Callie rested her head back against the stall. "Exactly. Most days… most of the time, just knowing he's out there is enough. But the longer it takes, the more I'm worried he'll find someone else, decide it's, I'm not worth the wait."

"Hey, hey, don't think like that. I'm sure you're a catch. Even if your soulmate doesn't work out, I bet there'd be loads of peo- er, guys out there for you."

Callie laughed, fiddling with the necklace Aria loaned her for the night. "You're very optimistic. I've been told I'm not. I wish I could just know things would work out, but I don't like… I don't…"

"It's hard being on your own sometimes."

"Even when you're surrounded by people-"

"It just feels lonely?" The other girl offered. "I know what you mean. Maybe it's easy to romanticise everyone else's life, but it's hard when everyone else seems to just get it and you don't."

Callie rubbed at the knot in her chest as she said, "I always feel like I'm missing out on something. Like I'm never in on the joke. God, I sound pathetic."

"No, no, not at all. I… yeah, no, that makes sense. It feels like everyone has something or someone more important, and you're just waiting for someone to see you." The girl inhaled a slow breath, "Maybe that's the point of soulmates, to have that one person who sees you, but it's really hard when you don't have your soulmate yet. I want to believe in soulmates and the magic of it all. But there are also times when I just feel angry and sad, like I'm waiting for someone who might not even be right for me. There's a part of me missing all the time and it's supposed to be my soulmate, but what if we're wrong for each other?"

"What if they don't think it was all worth it?" Callie added softly. "I think about that all the time. What if all that waiting is for nothing?"

"I-"

"Oh God, there you are, I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"Jane, I was just-"

"Were you throwing up? You can barely stand upright."

"That's because you put me in these death trap shoes!"

"Oh, come on. Before you get yourself into trouble."

Callie tried to pull herself to her feet, moving slower than usual with how stiff her legs felt. By the time she got to her feet and out of the stall, the woman she had been speaking with was gone.

---

30 September 2001

Alexandria, Virginia

Arizona wrapped her arms tighter around herself as she listened to her father speak in hushed tones with her brother in his office. She leaned her head against the wall.

Her dad had been on edge for the past month. According to her mother, he spent more time at work than at home. Arizona had bitten her tongue, stopping a snarky 'what's new?' from falling from her lips. A sense of dread had hung over the Robbins' household, waiting, waiting for when, not if, Tim would be deployed.

She almost wanted to smack her brother for choosing to become a Ranger. Why couldn't he have been good at computers or something? Or followed their father into intelligence and communications? Arizona always thought it ironic that her dad told people he worked in communications. He sucked at communicating things.

Her chief resident, this stuck up, cardio focused bitch, had rolled her eyes and denied Arizona's gentle request for the weekend off. Tim was getting the weekend to come up from Georgia before he deployed. Arizona had spent a day moping around the peds ward as she monitored a toddler who had tumbled down the stairs. Thankfully, there was no cardio element, so the Wicked Witch of the East, as Fran called her, was nowhere to be found.

At one point, Tim called, all nervous excitement tinged with fear, with plans for their weekend. Dr McCale found her curled up in an empty office, quietly crying.

"Robbins, right?"

"Yes, sir," she replied quickly, brushing away her tears as quickly as she could. "Sorry, sir. I just…"

"Robbins, sit." After a lifetime of following orders, Arizona found herself dropping back into the chair. McCale pulled up a chair, his face kind and open. "You've been on Kenner's service a few times." She nodded along, unsure where he was going with this and more importantly if she was about to be kicked out of her internship. There were rumours of people losing out on internships for less than crying. "You've got potential."

"Thank you, sir."

"Intern year is tough, Robbins. You can't let it get to you."

The Marine-raised part of her rankled at the implication that she couldn't cut it. She put in more hours, more research than any of her peers. "I don't have a problem with the work. Really, I swear."

McCale smiled at her and Arizona practically thought he was going to give her a lollipop or something. "Good, good. I'd hate to lose out on a promising, young surgeon. That being said, you can't let the losses get to you."

Clearing her throat with discomfort, she said quietly, "That's… that's not it."

"Then please enlighten me why you look like somebody just kicked your puppy."

"My brother, he's deploying to, to Afghanistan soon and he got the weekend off to visit our parents in Virginia. I know it's poor form to take time off during your internship, but my brother, he's an Army Ranger. I don't know how much you know about the military, sir, but my father's a Marine and I know that whatever my brother's going to do, he'll be on the front lines, sir. It'd break my mother's heart if Tim wasn't able to maximize his time off and if I wasn't able to see him before he left." Arizona stared down at her hands, twisting her grandmother's ring on her pointer finger. "He's been down in Georgia for… I haven't seen him since Christmas. I'm sorry, sir, to dump all this on you." She made to stand, but McCale motioned for her to sit again.

"You come from a military family?"

"Yes, sir."

"I wondered."

"Sir?"

"You don't strike me like the raised by hippies type."

"Excuse me?"

"Your name, it's Arizona, isn't it?" She nodded, unsure of where McCale was going with this. "The battleship, yes?" Arizona's mouth fell open in surprise. "Don't look so surprised, Robbins. My father served as a Navy pilot in the Pacific theater. He told me and my brother about waking up to Japanese bombs falling in Hawaii."

"My, uh, my grandfather died on the Arizona."

"And now your brother is an Army Ranger, deploying to Afghanistan. And you'd like to go and see him before he leaves."

"Yes, sir. But, um, the chief resident, she denied the request."

A sort of soft expression crossed his face. "I'll countermand that."

"Thank you, sir. Thank you so much."

He smiled at her, even as a great grief and sadness filled his eyes. "Of course. Please pass along my thanks to your brother for his service. My… my brother, my brother, he…" McCale trailed off and Arizona could fill in the blanks.

Arizona froze, words of sympathy catching in her throat. She knew the words, had sat at the kitchen table while her mother made casseroles for grieving widows, had watched her father drink in the living room with his buddies, had watched as her classmates sat in the back with puffy, red eyes. But they were soldiers. It was always a risk. They said they died for their country, protecting freedom and their unalienable rights, that it was honourable and patriotic.

"I'm sorry, sir," she finally rasped out.

McCale almost looked like he might cry. "Take the weekend, Robbins. See your brother. I'll expect you back here first thing Monday. I'm curious about you." Taking that as a dismissal, she stood to her feet. She was halfway out the door when McCale called out, "And don't think I don't know that you were the one running around my ward with wheels on your shoes. I'd advise you not let any other attendings find out, Robbins."

"Yes, sir. I'll keep that in mind."

The sound of a car backfiring on the street broke Arizona out of her memories. She could hear her mother cooking all of Tim's favourites in the kitchen, singing along quietly to an Ella Fitzgerald album. Part of her desperately wanted to know what her father and brother were discussing; the other part of her knew that whatever it was would probably make her more terrified for Tim.

She and Tim always joked that the less they knew about Dad's job the better, but now Tim probably was right in the middle of whatever it was her father did as a private contractor.

Normally, Arizona didn't do well staying still without anything to occupy her attention. That was part of what made her an excellent intern. She was always running around, ready for anything. She'd learned a long time ago that it was better if she kept moving.

But now, now it felt like she was frozen, stuck.

She needed to repaint her nails. The bright purple Fran had done was half-chipped off at this point.

Neuroscience - Purves - Unit II - Ch. 11, 12, 13

The words appeared in dark, thick black letters, clearly written by a Sharpie or something. Neuroscience, huh? Arizona was almost positive she had that textbook up in her room. She must be a med student or a grad student or something. Or she was just very interested in neuroscience.

"Arizona, have you been lurking on the stairs all afternoon?" Arizona's head snapped up at the sound of her father's voice.

"No, sir."

"Come here."

She shakily stood to her feet, her left leg half-asleep and joined her father at the bottom of the stairs.

His eyes softened for a moment as he tipped her chin up. "I'm glad you were able to take time off and come home."

The rebellious, frustrated part of her wanted to say that this wasn't home. That she had never had a home , just houses where she and her mom and Tim lived and her father occasionally visited. That she felt more at home in the crummy two bed she had shared with Rachel, her roommate, since her second year of med school.

"Me too," she said instead.

"Tim will be okay."

"Yes, sir."

"He's… he'll be okay."

"As okay as you can be in the middle of a warzone." It fell from her lips before she could stop it.

Her father's eyes narrowed, although there was very little actual anger behind the expression. "You have something to say, Arizona?" She shook her head, biting down on her cheek until she tasted blood. "Your brother is doing the honourable thing. He chose to serve his country."

"Yeah, chose," she mumbled under her breath, cursing herself internally.

Storm clouds formed across his face and he spat out, "What was that?"

"I said… you know what, Tim is about to go to one of the most dangerous places in the world and you're acting like that's a good thing. What are you going to say if he dies," she hissed, unable to stop herself, "if he gets hurt? That he did the honourable thing. I'm sure that'll be real reassuring."

"Arizona," he snapped, mindful of keeping his voice low so as not to disturb the others in the kitchen. "Enough. I will not listen to you disparage-"

"Disparage? What am I disparaging? The fact that Tim might die? The fact that you made it impossible for him to do anything else?" She inhaled a shaky breath. She hated this. "I'm not going to do this." She turned sharply on her heel and all but ran out into the backyard.

The cool, fall wind made the tears on her cheek all the worse. "Fuck," she sighed, suddenly desperate for the pack of cigarettes in the cupholder of her car. Taking a few steps further into the yard, she kicked the soccer ball left there over the summer against the fence. "Fuck."

"Zo?" She wiped her tears away before turning to find her brother standing there. He looked like he had put on another ten pounds of muscle since she had seen him in May. "Zo, what's-" Arizona launched herself at her brother, holding him as close to her as possible. "Arizona, what's wrong?"

"I hate this."

"I know."

Tim… Tim was all she had in a sense. He had been her first friend, her only friend for the first 18 years of her life. He was the one who backed her up in stupid playground fights and he was the first person she came out to. He was the one who held her at night when she got nightmares, terrified that their dad was never coming home. And now, Tim might be the one who never came home.

"I argued with Dad. He's pissed," Arizona admitted to her brother's sweater. He tightened his hold on her. "I just… it's not fair."

"It was my choice, Zo. I wanted to do this."

"Tim…"

"I'm not saying that Dad and Grandpa didn't influence my thinking, but this was my choice. Zo, I can't imagine doing anything else. I made my decision 10 years ago when I chose to go to West Point. It was my decision."

Arizona nodded against his chest. "You weren't going to go to war ten years ago."

"Arizona." Tim pulled back slightly, looking so much like their father in that moment. "I am doing what I want to do. This is my choice. Even if I hadn't gone to West Point, if I had gone to a normal university and had a normal job, I'd've been the first one at the recruiting station. This is my choice. I chose to protect and defend my country and the things I love." Arizona's bottom lip trembled. "Zo, I've been trying to protect you ever since Mom told me I was gonna be a big brother. Although I did ask for a brother," he said with a laugh that covered up the tears in his eyes, shoving her shoulder. "But you're pretty alright."

"Just… you're my best friend, Tim. I know I'm being selfish, but I really need you not to die."

"Hey, Goonies never say die, Zo."

"Yeah, Goonies never say die." She pulled Tim back in for a tight hug again. "How's Jane dealing with all of this?"

"She's… she's scared. She's already looking to transfer up here so she can be closer to you guys. You know how her mom is."

"She couldn't get off work this weekend?"

"Um… Joanne's having her baby." Arizona took a step back from Tim, wrapping her arms around her chest. "I'm sorry, Zo."

"It's fine. We've been broken up for years."

"It's still pretty shitty. But she and Jane have been through a lot."

Arizona opened her mouth to respond, but her mother cut her off, "Arizona, Tim, come inside please. The roast is ready."

The siblings called back to their mother, "Coming!"

Tim slung an arm over her shoulder. She scowled up at him as he ruffled her hair. "You really are the perfect height for this."

"You're just freakishly tall. Oh my God, Dad is gonna kill me. Or make me do push ups until I pass out. I need my arms. I'm a surgeon. Or well, like a baby surgeon. But I need my arms." Tim chuckled. "Don't laugh. I like actually kind of whisper-yelled at him."

"That explains the crying. I thought you were just sad about me. But you yelling at Dad makes more sense."

"Shut up, you jerk."

Tim and her mother carried most of the conversation through dinner while Arizona and the Colonel shifted around in discomfort. Arizona tried to volunteer to help with the dishes, but her mother shot a meaningful glance towards her father. Her father cleared his throat and nodded towards his study. Tim, the coward, only gave her a shrug and moved to help with the dishes.

Arizona silently followed her father into his study, immediately struck by the smell of cigars and leather.

"Sit." Arizona dropped into the large, leather armchair in front of his desk. "Arizona… ever since I first held you in my arms, I've been at a loss." Arizona's stomach twisted painfully. "You were such a quiet baby. You blinked up at me and in that moment, I knew I'd do anything to keep you safe, protect you from the world."

"Dad, I-"

"I had spent over ten years in that damned jungle and until you and Tim, I didn't know why I was fighting." He fumbled for something in one of the desk drawers. Oh no, not Robbins' family history hour. She and Tim had sat through so many of these lectures over the years. "Do you know what this is?" He passed over a small medallion.

Without even looking at it, she figured she could probably make a pretty educated guess.

"Yes, sir."

"Nathaniel Robbins' Sons of Liberty medallion." Oh boy, this was a proper Robbins' family history hour. Was this her punishment for mouthing off? Probably better than push ups. "He was the first Robbins to fight for his country. Every Robbins since has served this great country." Arizona swallowed hard, running her fingers over the grooves of the medallion. "Every conflict the United States has entered, there has been a Robbins." Absently, Arizona thought the Marines should have had her dad in recruitment, not intelligence. "It's in our blood," her father chuckled and Arizona almost wanted to throw up. "But that anger you're feeling…." He stood to his feet and wandered towards the mantle, decorated by a folded flag. "I'm not discounting that, Arizona."

"Dad, I didn't mean to-"

"Yes, you did." Her father stood practically at attention, his gaze fixed on the flag before him. "My father was a hero and I never met him. Most days, I can understand he was a hero and honourable. But there are days when I am overcome by an indescribable anger. Because he survived the trenches in France only to die in American waters. All I have of him is a flag." She watched as her father's shoulders shuddered with something she couldn't understand. "But I respect his decision and I chose to honour it."

Arizona rankled slightly at the implication that she didn't honour her family. "Yes, sir."

He turned to face her, his brows drawn tight. "I am terrified, Arizona, to think of your brother in the middle of a war zone."

"Daddy, I didn't mean to say that you didn't care. I'm just…"

"What your brother is doing is honourable and brave. But as a parent, as a father, I have never been more scared in my life. This war… it's unlike anything I've experienced. And Tim will be on the front lines."

Arizona really thought she was going to throw up. She stared down at the medallion between her fingers. Another set of pages and chapters had appeared on the back of her hand.

"And I am so proud of him. Even if he went to West Point," he added with a chuckle. Arizona nodded along, drumming her fingers on her knee. "Your brother is a good man in a storm."

"Yes, sir," Arizona said, holding her father's gaze. He turned away from her, back to his father's flag. Arizona glanced down towards her hands. A small flower had been doodled along the length of her thumb. A small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.

---

6 February 2002

Baltimore, Maryland

As soon as Callie stepped into the room, Carla all but collapsed in her arms, sobbing into her shoulder. "It's not fair," Carla whimpered. Callie held on as tightly as she could to her cousin. "She's too little."

"Carla, it'll be okay. This is one of the best hospitals in the country."

Carla nodded, but Callie could feel the tears still soaking through her shirt. "Thank you for coming, Cal. I know you've got school."

"Sh, it's fine. I'm happy to be here for you. My parents and Aria send their love, and Daddy said to let him know if there's anything he can do to help. He said and I quote, 'I'll buy a damned wing if I have to.' Rosie's tough though."

"That's what everyone keeps telling us. But I'm so scared. I can barely be around her because I think I'm making her scared. But she's my little girl. She's going to think I don't love her."

"Aw, Carla, that little girl is your world. And she knows it. You and Will are the best parents."

"Will is. I can't stop crying." Carla swiped at her cheeks. "How could this happen, Callie, how could my baby have a brain tumour?"

Callie pulled Carla back into a hug. Her heart broke for her cousin, but she couldn't shake the impending terror that in a very short time this would be her job. To deliver terrible news to parents. To be the one that people looked to to solve a problem.

"I did some research and the survival rates are really good for Rosie. And seriously, this is the best place for her. I asked one of my professors and she said she'd sent her kid here for treatment."

Carla sniffled and managed a partial nod. "Rosie's surgeons wanted to speak with us before they took her in." That sent Carla into a fresh peal of sobs. "My baby," she whimpered.

"C'mon, let's get you cleaned up and we'll head in. Rosie's gonna be just fine, I'm sure of it."

It took about five minutes to sort of cover up the fact that Carla had barely stopped crying in the past hour, but once she looked presentable enough, Callie followed her up to the pediatric ward. She had braced herself for something terribly depressing, full of sad and dying children. But it was bright and oddly lively, the sound of children's laughter occasionally filtering through. If Callie didn't know any better, she'd say it was a daycare, not a pediatric ward at a hospital.

"Look who I found, Rosie-girl," Carla cried, her voice full of false cheer.

The sight of her god-daughter in the hospital bed, dark circles carved under her normally bright eyes, stopped Callie in her tracks.

"Tia Callie!" Rosie said, a bright smile stretching across her face. "You're here."

"Hey there, munchkin."

"Did you know I get to have su'rey today?"

"I heard. That's why I'm here." Callie glanced over to Carla's husband, Will, who looked only marginally better than Carla. "Hey, Will."

"Hey, Callie, thanks for coming."

"How are we feeling today, Miss Hendry?" A booming voice shocked Callie away from the doorway. She moved to join Will near Rosie's bedside to watch as an almost alarming number of doctors filtered in after the two older men at the front of the pack.

God, was that going to be her in a year? She did not feel prepared whatsoever and Callie prided herself on being the top of everything through thorough preparation.

"My Tia Callie came and she always reads the best stories," Callie snapped back into the middle of Rosie's conversation with the doctor at the sound of her name. "Tia Callie, this is Dr Norm. He has really good jokes."

"I eat a lot of popsicles," the doctor said in a not-so quiet conspiratorial whisper. "Rosie here doesn't like our orange ones, so she gives them to me. We've got a good system going. I get the orange ones. She gets the purple ones."

"They're grape," corrected Rosie to the amusement of all the adults in the room. "You gotta get it right, Dr Norm."

"Yeah, Dr Norm," the other more senior looking doctor said, smiling back at Rosie. "Someone's got to keep him in line."

Callie almost managed a smile at how friendly the doctors were with Rosie. That had to be a good sign, right? That they cared?

She tried to pay attention as the two senior surgeons, who she discovered were actually called Drs McCale and Koracick, not Drs Norm and Tom as Rosie called them, outlined Rosie's procedure. After all, it would be beneficial to her own education. But she could barely focus, her gaze continuously drawn back to the little girl in the bed.

"What do you say we get that nasty tumour out of you, Rosie?" McCale asked as he moved to check Rosie's chart.

"Yes, please." Rosie's voice sounded much smaller than it had when the doctors first came in and traces of fear were evident in her eyes. "Can I go home then?"

"You'll have to stay and hang out here for a bit longer, but it won't be so long, sound good?" Rosie nodded, but stopped quickly with a wince. "I'll see you soon. Mr and Mrs Hendry, someone will be by shortly to prep Rosie for surgery. I promise, I will send one of my residents out with updates as frequently as possible." He shook Carla and Will's hands, nodding to Callie.

Callie brushed her fingers along Rosie's hand. She understood the science of the cancer attacking Rosie's system. But watching her god-daughter suffer through it… it just motivated Callie more, reaffirmed the reason she wanted to go to med school in the first place. She wanted to help people.

"s'it gonna hurt, Tia?"

"Hm?"

"The su'rey. Does it hurt?" Callie squeezed her eyes shut at the sound of Carla's broken sob behind her.

"No, you'll be asleep the whole time." Callie leaned in to press a kiss to Rosie's forehead. "I'll see you after." She stood to her feet. "I'll give you guys a minute. I'll go get us some coffee." She gave Carla a quick hug before leaving the small family to themselves. Once she was out of the room, she let go of a long breath.

---

7 February 2002

Baltimore, Maryland

Arizona tugged a hand through her hair as she dropped the pile of files she had been loaded down with five floors ago. The freakin' Wicked Witch of the East had been out for her blood for going on five months now. She hadn't been back to her apartment in like 3 days, electing instead to grab naps in on-call rooms and observe surgeries in her free time. It was great from an experience standpoint. If you were the intern around, it was more likely that you'd actually get to do something.

But beyond the benefits to her career, there was the added benefit of it occupied her free time as she waited for Jane's call.

Three days ago, Jane had called in a panic that Tim had missed their scheduled call. Three days later, and they still hadn't heard from him. Jane tried writing to him, but no response.

With each passing day, the pit in Arizona's stomach grew. What if Tim didn't make it back? Had Tim doomed his twins to their father's fate of growing up with a widowed mother? Jane would know if Tim was dead. Wasn't that how soulmates worked?

Tim had to come back. He had to meet his babies.

Arizona chewed on the inside of her cheek, which had been shredded over the past few days as she fell into old, bad habits.

Tim had to be okay.

Jane would get a call and they could all breathe again.

"Dr Robbins, there's a man on the phone for Dr McCale, demanding to speak with him more like, but he's in with the Greenes right now." Arizona glanced over her shoulder, willing an attending or a resident to appear. "Dr Robbins."

"Uh, are you sure I should talk to him? I mean, I'm just an intern."

The nurse, Rachel, rolled her eyes, her hand still over the mouthpiece. "I know, Robbins. Just stall him until McCale is out. Honestly, you interns get more and more skittish each year."

"Oh, right. Of course. I'm happy to chat with whoever it is?"

Rachel shook her head in amusement as she handed the phone over. "Just stall," she mouthed at Arizona.

"Dr Robbins," she chimed, wincing internally at how high pitched her voice had come out. "Uh, this is Dr Robbins speaking."

" I was told to ask for Norman McCale. You are not Norman McCale. "

"Dr McCale is my supervisor. He's currently with a patient. How can I help you, Mr….?"

" I'm sure you're a fine doctor, but I would like to speak with the man that operated on my niece's daughter. "

"Sir, like I said, Dr McCale is with a patient. If you like, someone can have him call you back. Otherwise, I'm not sure what I can do for you…." She trailed off, propping her hip against the desk.

" Now, you listen here-"

"Dr Robbins, why don't I take over?" McCale appeared over her shoulder and Arizona all but tossed the phone at him, retreating to her pile of scut work.

Her cheeks burned in embarrassment. All she had to do was talk to someone on the phone and she froze up. She dropped into an empty chair, half-listening to McCale's side of the conversation.

From what she could tell, it was about McCale and Koracick's medulloblastomas patient from yesterday. The rumours that had been flying around were that the girl came from a very wealthy family. That at least explained the phone call.

Arizona pushed her chair back a bit so she could check on the girl, Rosie. Arizona had only been in there once, but Rosie seemed like a sweet kid. She had watched the surgery with Kenner as he narrated. McCale and Koracick were some of the best in the world. Rosie had to be okay.

A woman with dark hair sat with her back to Arizona as she seemed to read to Rosie. Arizona watched for a few minutes before her resident snapped her name down the hall and Arizona hurried to follow after him.

---

21 August 2002

Miami, Florida

"Damnit, Duke! Get back here!" Callie glanced up from her notes spread out across the blanket, only to find a golden retriever bearing down on her at an alarming speed. She scrambled to cover her notes with part of the blanket before the dog could reach her. Not fair behind the dog was a man chasing after it, one arm in a sling.

A leash dangled off the dog's collar and Callie made a grab for it.

The man came to a stop in front of her. "I am so, so sorry."

Callie stood to her feet, careful not to let go of the leash. The dog tugged at it, its tail wagging happily. "It's okay. No harm done."

"He's my mother-in-law's and I don't think she ever trained him. He's sweet but stupid. And I'm not exactly 100%," the man said with a smile that brought out his dimples. Of course, he was married. Callie never had very good luck, so of course, the handsome man with the runaway dog would be married. "And my wife's got her hands full with our twins. They're only a few months old, but gotta meet Grandma, ya know? And we're trying to make the most of my time off with this," he said, gesturing towards his arm in the sling. "And I'm rambling, sorry about that. I should let you get back to your studying."

"Honestly, this was probably a sign I should take a break," she said with a laugh, scratching Duke's ears. "I'm pretty sure med school's trying to kill me."

"Oh, you're in med school?" the man asked, his eyes drifting down to her pile of textbooks. "My sister just finished her, I think, internship at Johns Hopkins. She's a surgeon. From what she said, med school's brutal."

"That's a fair description." Callie passed the leash back to the man. "Hope he starts behaving better for you."

"Here's hoping," the man replied, "best of luck with the whole med school thing. If you're as good at being a doctor as you are at catching runaway dogs, I'm sure you'll be great." He grinned at her and wow, those really were great dimples.

"Oh, thank God, you caught Duke," a woman said, slightly out of breath as she pushed a large stroller. "Mom would've killed me."

"Well, I didn't, uh, sorry I don't think I caught your name?"

"Callie," she supplied.

"Callie caught Duke. She's gonna be a doctor like Zo."

The woman smiled kindly at Callie. "I hope Duke didn't disturb you too much. He's a moron."

Callie waved a hand. "No, no, it's totally fine." She smiled at the couple. Even as total strangers, just from the way they moved around each other, she could tell they were soulmates.

One of the baby's burst into tears, his little face scrunched up.

"Sorry, thank you again, Callie. We better get going. Charlie is very particular about his meal times. Tim, could you give me a hand with the stroller?"

Callie settled back down on her blanket, watching the little family leave out of the corner of her eye. She wanted that. The soulmate and the kids and even the goofy dog. She wanted a family and someone to share things with. Not that any of that was imminent, but a girl can dream, right?

---

1 May 2003

Baltimore, Maryland

"Robbins, what the hell were you thinking?"

"Sir, I-"

"No, I don't want excuses. Now you get to go and tell that woman that her husband, her soulmate is no longer alive because of a stupid mistake you made!"

"Dr Bernard, I-"

"No more excuses, Robbins. I thought you were better than this. You're supposed to be better than this…. Are you crying, Robbins? You need to grow a pair if you're going to make it. Or maybe you're better off in OB or something less stressful for your delicate sensibilities."

---

9 March 2004

Miami, Florida

A loud beeping invaded Callie's half-conscious state. She shot up, narrowly avoiding knocking her coffee into her lap.

"'s mine," grumbled a fellow intern at another table as she stomped away. Callie felt only a brief flash of pity. She had been on call for going on 40 hours now and all she felt was numb.

She didn't even know how many cups of coffee she had had at this point. It didn't even taste like anything anymore. All day, she had run around for her resident, while also trying to get in on a knee reconstruction.

"Mind if I sit here?"

Callie looked dazedly up at the man before her. He looked far too awake and alert. She was jealous.

"Um, yeah, go for it."

"Thanks, this place is packed."

"You're telling me."

The man chuckled. "So you're a doctor here?"

"Surgeon, actually."

"Sounds intense."

"Yep." Callie straightened in her seat, trying to at least not seem like a total disaster who had slept at the hospital for the past three nights and hadn't managed to brush her hair in about as long. "So what brings you here? Or do you just really like the coffee here?"

The man regarded his cup of coffee for a moment before saying, "You know, I'm not entirely convinced this isn't poison and you give it to people to make sure they have to come back here all the time."

"Oh yeah, it's basically toxic waste I think."

"But, nah, I'm waiting for my buddy. He busted up his face last night. I think he broke his nose."

Callie managed a smile. "Wow, hitting the club scene? You don't really strike me as the type."

"More like he's a moron who tripped on a rug in the middle of the night and didn't think the bleeding was concerning." Callie nodded along. "So now I get to drink terrible coffee while he gets his nose fixed. You'd think for a catcher he'd have better reflexes."

"Oh, are you a baseball player?"

The man reached a hand across the table. "Hank-" A loud commotion on the other side of the cafe cut off the rest of his name.

"Nice to meet you." Only later would she realize she never told him her name, but to be fair, her name was stitched on her jacket.

His eyes lingered on her outstretched hand. A series of borderline incoherent numbers had appeared sometime while she had been dozing. In a fit of self-consciousness, Callie tucked her hand back into her lap.

"Sorry, don't mean to stare."

"Oh, um, it's fine."

"Do you know him?"

"No, not yet. You?"

A sad sort of smile crossed the man's - Hank's face. "Not now, not ever I think."

"Oh." Callie picked at the edge of her coffee cup.

"She asked me not to reach out anymore. It's been, hm, nearly 3 years now. I sometimes get a small something from her, but I try not to. It's the least I can do." He stared at his own hands, both free of any marks. Then he shrugged. "Ah, well, I just hope she's happy wherever she is."

Callie's heart twisted painfully in her chest. She couldn't help but think of a conversation she had once had with her father. Had he told his own soulmate the same thing? To not contact him? It seemed cruel. What if her soulmate left a message for her like that some day? There was that night nearly 10 years ago when she had called and a woman answered the phone. What if her soulmate was still with that girl? What if they were married with kids? She was probably perfect and blonde and perky; or at least, she had sounded kind of perky on the phone. Basically, everything Callie wasn't. What guy in his right mind would choose her over this imaginary, perfect, beautiful blonde woman?

Hank opened his mouth to say something, but Callie's pager went off.

"Ah, I'm sorry. I gotta run. I hope your friend is alright."

---

5 May 2005

Baltimore, Maryland

Arizona tapped her pen against the edge of her charts, casting a furtive glance to the pin board where the chief would theoretically announce who was chief resident. Where the chief would announce she was chief resident.

No one worked harder than her. No one put in more hours. Both in surgery and in research. She didn't fail. She was the top of her class. Period. Her interns were the best in their class. Because of her. She was the one who trained them. She molded them into competent, skilled baby surgeons.

She was the logical choice for chief resident and now it was just a matter of waiting for the chief to announce it.

"Robbins."

"Kovic."

"I'm so glad you're going to be here to see me get chief resident."

Arizona laughed, high and fake. "You're seriously delusional, Kovic."

"They're not going to pick you. You're peds. A glorified babysitter. It's always the most promising cardio resident. Maybe a neuro resident. But it's not going to be peds."

Arizona rolled her eyes. "You'd think McConnell would've tapped you for today's heart transplant then. If you're the most promising cardio resident."

"You stole that chart and you know it." He jabbed a finger at the chart under Arizona's hand.

Arizona shrugged, twirling her pen between her fingers. "If you got here at 4:30, instead of 6:00, maybe you wouldn't be stuck doing sutures in the ER like an intern. Then again, my interns do better sutures than you. So clearly you need the practice."

"You're such a bitch, Robbins."

"Takes one to know one, Kovic," she said with a shrug. "Talk to me when the attendings actually trust you to do anything. Everyone saw McCale throw you off that case last week. Something about, what was it, improper patient care?" Arizona grinned as Kovic narrowed his eyes. "Didn't you make the patient's mom cry?"

"At least I've never cried in front of an attending. Are you gonna cry when you're not chief resident?"

"I'm sure you're going to cry when I am chief resident."

Arizona glanced away from Kovic as Collier stepped in front of the bulletin board. He turned to face them, a wry smile on his face. "Robbins, Kovic."

Kovic practically elbowed her on their way, but Arizona could almost guarantee there weren't playground fights at his fancy boarding school.

And there it was.

Chief Resident: Dr Arizona Robbins

"Dr Collier!" Kovic spun on his heel, chasing after the chief. "Dr Collier-"

"Yes, Kovic? Is there something you need?"

"Why Robbins? She's, she's-"

"I didn't realize I had to justify my choices to you, Kovic."

"You, you, uh, I…"

Arizona stepped in front of Kovic and his stammering, offering a hand to Collier. "I promise you haven't made a mistake, Chief. I look forward to the challenge, sir."

Collier looked more amused than anything as he shook her hand. "I look forward to working more closely with you, Robbins. I've been impressed with your work. And McCale says you're amongst the top candidates in the country for our peds fellowship next year."

"Yes, sir."

"I'm sure we'd be lucky to have you. McCale will keep me apprised of the situation. And before the end of the month, schedule a meeting with my assistant so we can go over my expectations of my chief resident."

"Yes, sir, of course."

Kovic grumbled something about brownnosing as Collier walked away, but quite frankly, Arizona really didn't give a crap what he thought.

---

15 May 2005

Miami, Florida

"Torres, it's a shame we're losing you." Callie shifted uncomfortably in her seat as the chief stared her down. "St Mary's is losing one of its most promising residents."

Callie wasn't sure if the chief really thought she was promising or if he was just mourning the loss of her father's checkbook. She felt confident in this decision to leave Miami. To leave the nest, so to say.

And she really liked orthopedics. And Seattle was conveniently on the clear opposite side of the country and had a strong residency program.

She was making the right choice.

"I've really enjoyed my time here. St Mary's has taught me so much." Callie twisted her hands in her lap.

"I hope you won't forget about us once you finish your residency. We could always use more surgeons here."

Callie bit her tongue. She knew she probably wouldn't ever come back to Miami permanently. She just needed to not be Callie Torres, yes, like those Torreses. She wanted to be anonymous and regular. Seattle could give her that. Seattle could give her a fresh start.

---

17 October 2005

Alexandria, Virginia

Arizona tugged on the hem of her black dress, mindful not to catch her nylons and tear them. She had been standing on her parents' porch for at least five minutes, trying to light a cigarette, but instead had just tapped it against the railing until it was half crushed. Grimacing to herself, she tossed it into the ashtray her dad kept out there, landing on the already impressive heap they had smoked over the past few days.

Her parents' house was filled with an impressive number of high ranking officers and Tim's buddies and a random assortment of Jane's friends. Jane couldn't bear to have the wake in her and Tim's house, not where she raised their children.

"Arizona."

"No, I'm not doing this right now. Not with you. Not ever." Arizona ground her back teeth in an effort to stop herself from saying something vicious. She resolutely stared at the back fence, at the loose bit of fence that Tim was supposed to help her dad with.

"Jane said you're doing well. You always said you were going to become a surgeon." A warm hand brushed against her arm, causing Arizona to violently recoil. "Arizona, c'mon."

Arizona spun around, just barely managing to hold her tears at bay. All she had been doing for the past week was crying. "Joanne, we are at my brother's wake. We have nothing to say to each other. It has been over ten years. I'm over it."

"I shouldn't… It was cruel what I did. But, Arizona, she is my soulmate. Are you really telling me you wouldn't have done the same thing?"

"I cannot believe you. I was in love with you. And you left me a fucking note before moving to-"

"Aun'e Z?"

Arizona hurriedly wiped away any stray tears before turning to face her niece, who had toddled out onto the porch. "Hey, Zoe, what's up, baby girl?"

Zoe grabbed her around the knees. "Dada gone?"

Arizona swallowed back a sob as she dropped to a knee in front of Zoe. "Zoe-girl, it's okay. It's okay," She was supposed to be good at this. She had informed countless people that they wouldn't hear their wife tell them she loved them one more time, that a father had kissed his son for the last time, that a child was never going to learn to ride a bike without training wheels. But she couldn't find any words, not to explain to her niece that she'd never really know her father.

"Dada come here?"

In place of any words, Arizona gathered Zoe into her arms, carefully standing to her feet. Joanne reached out to help steady her, but thought better of it as Arizona glared over Zoe's head. She rocked Zoe back and forth, gently brushing her fingers through Zoe's nearly-white blonde hair.

"Pops looks funny," Zoe mumbled into her hair, her tiny hands tight on the back of Arizona's dress.

Arizona shifted slightly to see her father in his full dress uniform standing at attention, unwilling to speak to anyone. He had barely spoken a word since they watched Tim's body being unloaded. The most she had heard him say was a drunken ramble the previous day when he had downed half a bottle of gin just to look at his uniform. Her mother was nearly catatonic, so Arizona had sat with him and straightened his medals, just like she used to when she was little.

"Mhm. He's very fancy."

"Arizona-"

"Joanne, we have been done for years. I appreciate you being here for Jane, but that's all. Stay away from me," she fought to keep her voice level and absent of any malice Zoe may pick up on. "Zoe, why don't we go find your brother and get some snacks?"

"'nacks?"

"I have it on good authority that Nana has some Oreos in the kitchen," she whispered.

Zoe's eyes lit up and she looked far too much like Tim. "'Reos?" She clapped her hands in excitement.

"I thought you'd like that, Zoe. Let's go find Charlie."

Arizona and Zoe were halfway to the door when Joanne called, "You're good with them. You'd be a good mom, Arizona." Arizona didn't dignify that with a response. Where did Joanne get off, showing up to Tim's wake, acting like that?

Zoe's twin was easy enough to find, climbing over Nick as Nick tried to talk with his commanding officer. Nick stood stiffly, one arm in a sling, a large bandage stretching across his jaw.

"Tuscon," Nick greeted, letting Charlie dangle off his good arm. "And Miss Zoe. Sir, I don't know if you met Arizona, Tim's little sister."

"Pleasure to meet you, ma'am. I've heard a lot about you." Arizona nodded along, grateful for Zoe's presence in her arms. "My deepest condolences to you and your family. He was a… he was honorable to the end."

"Thank you," she said, her tone clipped. She blinked away a few tears, turning slightly to Nick and Charlie. "Hey Charlie, Zoe and I were gonna go find some Oreos, you wanna come with?"

"Yes!" Charlie dropped off of Nick, scrambling to Arizona's side. Arizona shifted Zoe to rest more solidly on her hip so Charlie could hold her hand. "Le's go!"

"Arizona," Nick started and his use of her actual name was enough for her to pause. "You won't even look me in the eye right now."

"Nick, please, not now. I just… I can't."

Nick, thankfully, backed off, nodding shortly. "You two be good for your aunt, otherwise I'll have to come eat all the Oreos and there won't be any for you." He tickled Zoe's side, drawing out a giggle from the little girl, who promptly buried her face in Arizona's neck.

"No, Unca Nick, you can't," protested Charlie from Arizona's knee. "We're good." He aggressively swung his arm with Arizona's hand.

"C'mon, guys."

Arizona cast a wary gaze through the living room as the trio cut across the room. Joanne had returned to Jane's side, holding her tight as Jane cried quietly. Her mother just stared blankly forward next to Jane, each clutching tightly to the other's hand. And her father, well, looked like he found the gin again.

Arizona shook her head. She could take care of the kids. She could do that much. She couldn't make her father stop drinking or help Jane or her mother much. She couldn't look at Nick and not have some selfish part of her hate him for coming back instead of Tim. But she could look after Zoe and Charlie.

As she settled the twins at the table with some Oreos and colouring books, she let some of her mask fall away. She sagged against the counter, scrubbing a hand over her face.

Tim was gone.

He wouldn't watch his kids grow up. He wouldn't dance at her wedding. He'd never make Jane laugh with a bad joke. He wouldn't sit and talk with their dad about the Capitals. He wouldn't bake the Christmas cookies with their mom. Tim was dead.

"Aun'e Z, wanna a 'reo?" Charlie held up one from his small stack, the evidence of the others on his face.

"Thanks, Charlie."

"Welcome." He grinned up at her, two familiar dimples popping. Except for his eyes, which were clearly Jane's, Charlie looked just like Tim had at that age. "Zoe, split it?" He peeled apart his last Oreo, offering half to his sister.

Arizona's hands gripped tight to the counter in an effort to hold her up.

"Hey, Zoie, split it?"

She shuddered at the memory of her brother, offering an Oreo, or an ice cream carton, or even a bottle of whiskey after the whole Joanne debacle.

Her brother had died because there weren't any doctors. That's what Nick had said. He was losing too much blood and they had to prioritize. The logical, doctor part of her brain grappled with the emotional part of her. She had been in the middle of traumas in the ER and she understood prioritizing. But how was Tim not a priority?

Not enough doctors. She was a doctor. Could she do what Tim did? She was a Robbins after all. She was nearly through her residency, but she was specialized in peds, not trauma. But there was trauma involved in peds. She had patched up far too many gunshot wounds on children. She could do it.

"Thank you, Arizona."

She snapped back to reality to find Jane leaning against the kitchen door, her face blotchy from tears.

"They shouldn't have to sit through that."

"Do you think they'll be okay?" Jane ran a hand across her daughter's head, Zoe not even looking up from her colouring.

Arizona shrugged. "Kids are resilient. My dad, I mean, his dad… you know," Arizona shrugged again, unable to articulate anything more.

"Yeah," Jane sighed. "I'm sorry about Joanne."

"It's been a long time. I don't care anymore."

"Yeah," Jane echoed, her gaze fixed on her children. "I told her to leave you alone. Your dad and his buddies are trashed."

"Hair of the dog I suppose."

"I wish it was that easy." Jane joined her at the counter, leaning back against it as if she couldn't bear to hold up her own weight anymore. "I just… I still can't believe it," Jane sobbed, her voice cracking.

"Mama sad?" Zoe asked, her mother's distress distracting her from her drawing.

Jane waved her away. "I'm… I'm fine, Zoe."

Arizona pulled her into a hug, taking the majority of Jane's weight. "I've got you. I've got you."

"He's gone."

"I know. I know." Arizona stared up at the ceiling, willing herself not to cry.

"How am I… I don't know if I can do this without him. It's like a piece of me is missing. Like someone tore out my heart. I can still feel… feel when I felt him let go," Jane whispered. "He tried so hard to stay."

"I know. He would've if he could've, if there were enough doctors." She ran a hand up and down Jane's back slowly.

Jane pulled back sharply, her eyes narrowed even as tears fell. "What did you do?"

Arizona leaned back at Jane's sharp tone. "What? I didn't do anything."

"You and… and Tim have, had the same expression and tone of voice when you were up to something."

"I haven't done anything."

"That implies that you might do something." Jane jabbed at her shoulder. "Tell me. Now. Arizona."

Arizona sighed, rubbing at her shoulder. "There aren't enough doctors over there. I'm a doctor. I mean, there's 'Don't Ask, Don't Tell', but whatever, it's better than before. And I'm nearly finished-"

"Yes, you're nearly finished so you can save children, Arizona."

"Surgery is surgery, Jane." Arizona squirmed under her brother's widow's gaze. "It was just a thought."

"Well, it was a stupid thought. And you won't be thinking that anymore."

"Would-"

"Arizona Robbins, you shut up," snapped Jane, still mindful to keep her voice low so as not to disturb the twins. "I swear to God, if you join the Army, I will kill you myself. Do not mess with me right now. I have already lost your brother. You will not do something idiotic like join the freakin' Army. And I am including all branches of the military in that, so don't try to get cute. You're all the kids and I have left of him. You were there when we met. You were the reason we met. I want Charlie and Zoe to know as much of him as possible and you can't show them if you, if you die over there too. So no, you don't get to run off and do something stupid. You're going to stay in Baltimore and finish your residency and then do your fellowship and save children. If not for me and the kids, do it for your parents. Are you really going to go out and tell your mother that you're going to go and be a trauma surgeon? Really? Or your dad, who's about one day away from developing a serious drinking problem?"

"Jane, I wasn't-"

"Oh, you're still talking." Jane muttered something under her breath about "freakin' Robbinses." Jane grabbed her arm, turning her palm up where there was a grocery list scrawled across it. "Do it for this girl, who's out there somewhere waiting for you. So she doesn't have to feel like this. Tim would kill you if you did this. Go and save kids. Honour his memory that way."

"Jane, really, I wasn't going to do anything. It really was just a thought."

Jane nodded, her eyes filling with tears again. "Okay, so no more thinking for you." She pulled Arizona into a bone-crushing hug. "It felt really good to yell at someone. I almost yelled at your dad earlier."

"Seriously?"

"If I hear the phrase 'good man in a storm', I'm seriously gonna lose it."

Arizona managed a wet laugh. "That was a pretty good speech. Even if you did threaten to kick my ass a few times."

"I learned from the best."

"Yeah. Yeah, he was good at that." Arizona choked back tears as she and Jane clung to each other.

"It still hurts, Arizona," Jane murmured into Arizona's hair. "I keep looking down, expecting to see something from him. And then it feels like somebody tore my heart out of my chest."

"I know. I know. I can't even imagine." Arizona swallowed back the tears that threatened to spill. She struggled to find any words. How could she even begin to relate to the pain Jane was enduring?

"Mama cwy?" Charlie asked, half an oreo muffling his words. Jane let out a choked sob, her fingers curling tighter into Arizona's shoulder. "Mama sad?" With a crash of his chair, Charlie toddled over to his mother. "'reo?"

The little boy offered up a cookie, his blue eyes and his crooked smile nearly identical to Tim's.

"Th-thank you, Charlie. Why don't you and Zoe work on a picture for Nana? I'm sure she'd love that." Once Charlie had clambered back to the table, explaining excitedly to his sister what they were doing, Jane's face fell again. "God, I'm pathetic. I can't even look at my son without crying."

"You aren't, really, Jane. You're so strong. Tim… Tim would be proud."

"I just want him here."

"I know… I know… me too."

---

30 October 2005

Seattle, Washington

Callie bit back a curse as she nearly fumbled her coffee. A sharp, fleeting pain burned along the inside of her wrist. Sidestepping an intern running at a full tilt, Callie headed towards the residents' lounge.

Her soulmate had been quiet for the past few weeks. Normally, there was always a running list of reminders that never seemed to last more than a few hours before they were scrubbed off.

The lounge was blessedly empty. Callie hadn't exactly made any friends in the few months she had been in Seattle. All she did was sleep and work. And occasionally go out and drink. She did that too.

Casting a furtive glance around the room, she slipped off her jacket after setting her coffee down. Rain dripped off her jacket and for a moment, she missed the warmth of Miami. Nope, this was important. She needed to escape her father's ever expanding influence. He had given so much money to her old hospital, to the point, that the chief started going out of his way to check in on her as a favour for her father.

This was better. A fresh start. Even if the rain was annoying at times.

With a quick tug, she revealed the bare skin of her wrist. Or what used to be bare. Now, in neat, albeit unfamiliar letters, it read Goonies never say die, TR .

"Seriously?" Callie hissed. She considered for a moment, writing back, because honestly what was that about? And TR? She'd never asked for a name. She had wanted to do things the old fashioned, more traditional way, but a few times, he had signed with an A. And the handwriting was so different. But there was also that time when she'd called the number years ago and that girl had been talking to a Tony. Maybe his name was Anthony? And that girl had been calling him Tony?

Any further musing was cut off by the sound of her pager.

---

6 June 2006

Chicago, Illinois

Spinning her grandmother's ring on her pointer finger, Arizona waited. It felt like it had been hours, when according to her watch, it had only been four minutes. Four agonizing minutes, waiting for her board examiner to wave her in.

One by one others had begun to enter their exams.

This would determine her future. She had offers from Johns Hopkins, Columbia and Seattle Grace. Her parents desperately wanted her to stay on the East Coast. Nick told her to go to Seattle. She could have a fresh start there. It was one of the best programs in the country, top-ranked, the whole nine yards. But New York would be fun too. She loved Johns Hopkins, but there was zero mobility for her there at the moment.

On a whim, she scribbled a note to her soulmate on her palm.

I could do with a bit a luck right about now

A small four leaf clover appeared on her wrist next to her other good luck charm. Arizona grinned down at it.

"Robbins? Robbins?"

---

1 August 2006

Seattle, Washington

Callie lingered in the entrance to the small hospital chapel for a moment, not wanting to disturb anyone else. She bit her bottom lip to keep her tears at bay.

It was supposed to be routine. It was routine. It had gone fine. It was a knee replacement. It was practically an ortho's bread and butter. But something had gone so, so wrong.

She killed someone. She killed someone. Someone was dead. Because of her. Because she didn't double check. Because she was cocky and didn't think.

Nausea hadn't stopped rolling through her since Phil started coughing up blood. And she felt so selfish for it. She wasn't the one who lost a loved one, she wasn't the one who died. And it was her fault. She didn't deserve forgiveness or penance or absolution.

It wasn't supposed to be like this.

Phil was supposed to have a sandwich with his wife and go home with her to their three dogs. He was supposed to spend a few weeks resting, and then be fine, be able to go travelling with his wife. They were going to take a cruise to Alaska next year.

But now Phil was dead.

And it was her fault.

Callie crossed her chest in a familiar pattern.

She couldn't even remember the last time she went to church. Or when she last lied to her mother about going to church.

She had just been too busy. She didn't make the time.

Her grandmother's rosary beads sat untouched in her jewellery box along with her own, collecting dust. She did have the medallion her mother gave her after she graduated med school in her locker, but she never wore it.

Ortho was supposed to be… it wasn't supposed to be like this. Ortho was about improving people's lives, making them better. It wasn't supposed to be like this.

She wasn't used to…. She wasn't used to the losing, to the death.

Sure, she worked traumas. But that was different. In traumas, she was just one small part of the bigger picture.

But with patients like Phil, she was it. It was pure ortho. It was about improving their life. It was about helping them towards something better. She operated and people could move again, walk again, be again. They didn't die.

Callie whispered, completely under her breath, strangely self-conscious about someone else hearing her prayer. "Eternal rest grant unto them, O Lord,and let perpetual light shine upon them. May they rest in peace. Amen."

---

12 August 2006

Seattle, Washington

Arizona rolled on her back, staring up at the ceiling as if it would have the answers to relieve the aching in her chest.

She should be used to this, she kept telling herself. She was used to being lonely, used to having only herself to rely on.

A tear fell down her cheek and Arizona hated herself for being so weak. This was a stupid thing to cry over. The fact that she hadn't spoken to anyone besides her patients, Kenley, a few colleagues and the friendly older lady at the grocery store around the corner from her apartment wasn't something she should be crying about.

She wasn't dying or bleeding and per the Colonel's rules, those were the only reasons to cry.

But God, her chest ached.

She had only been in Seattle for a month, and she felt so painfully isolated. All she did was work and lay around her apartment, being tired from working. She barely even managed to go for a run because honestly, she didn't feel like she could just pop out for a jog in her neighbourhood.

Arizona picked up her chin, resting it on her breastbone as she stared down at her stomach. She poked at the bit of pudge she had developed and had been slowly working off after she spent almost four months subsisting off of donuts and junk food. It wasn't like she wore anything other than scrubs because she didn't have anywhere to go, but it was still messing with her head amongst everything else.

And she totally didn't break down in tears randomly the other day when she went to pull on a pair of jeans to run to the store and they didn't fit right. That would be childish and ridiculous.

But honestly, it just felt like everything was piling up on her with no sight of the end.

She wanted to call Tim so badly, and have him tell her she was being dumb and she just needed to make a few friends and she'd be fine.

But Tim was dead and Arizona moved thousands of miles away and now she was crying in her bedroom while her next door neighbour had loud sex.

Maybe it wasn't too late to beg McCale to take her back as a fellow. At least then she'd be near her parents and Jane and the kids. Here all she had was her apartment, Tim's old truck and nothing else. No girlfriend, no soulmate, no friends; just loneliness.

Arizona bit down on her fist to stifle a sob. She turned onto her side, punching the nearest pillow in an effort to outlet the hurt building in her.

She was just so tired of feeling like this. Of feeling like she had no one.

And she didn't even know where to start.

She really would be better off just trying to go back to Baltimore.

Arizona scrubbed a hand over her face as she let out a shuddering, choking breath.

---

3 October 2006

Seattle, Washington

"Hey, what's your specialty?"

"What? Oh, uh, orthopedics. Ortho surgery. Why?"

"Jock, nice. Party at Meredith Grey's tonight. Yes, yes, that Grey."

"What?"

"Ortho, right, I'll say it slower. Party. Meredith Grey's. Tonight."

"You're kind of rude. Has anyone told you that?"

---

3 October 2006

Seattle, Washington

"Could you pass me a cup?"

"Here you go. What do you do?"

"I'm a surgeon?"

"Yeah, yeah, but what type?"

"Peds fellow."

"God, I told Izzie not to invite the babysitters."

"You do realize I can hear you, right?"

---

17 November 2006

Seattle, Washington

Callie was so gonna get fired. She was gonna get fired and have to crawl back to Miami. She picked up Sunder's latest scans. He could move his toes now, which was a miracle in and of itself. She knew she was a good surgeon. Scratch that, she was a great surgeon. But this was a lot. This was an attending surgery. Chang should be doing this.

She stifled a laugh at that. Chang didn't have the balls for this.

Cocky Intern Alex was right. This was her heart in the elevator. She couldn't quit now.

She tucked the scans back into the folder. She'd run these by Beaumont. He was older than Chang by a decade and barely operated anymore, but he was a visionary and had taken a personal interest in Callie's career. He'd be retiring in a month's time and she was quite sad to see him go.

Callie debated for a moment heading down to the basement for a nap, but honestly after 8 hours standing, even the short journey downstairs seemed like a bridge too far.

"Ah, Torres, you're on all my post-ops this evening, yes? I owe my wife a dinner." Chang clapped her on the shoulder as he passed by.

"Um, yes, sir."

"I stopped in on your club foot patient. Impressive work, Torres."

"Thank you, sir." Chang may have been older, a less bold surgeon, but he had given her the room and ability to grow, which she'd forever be grateful for. "Have a nice night with your wife."

After a quick scan of Chang's patients, none of them pressing, she headed towards one of the more out of the way on-call rooms. Pushing the door open, Callie immediately jumped back at the sight of a naked woman.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" she yelped, her cheeks burning red. She could only make out the woman, her partner shielded by shadows. "Um, sorry," she repeated as she slammed the door behind her.

Was that Colleen, her scrub nurse?

Callie shook her head. More people got laid in this hospital than anywhere else. Interns slept with attendings. Attendings slept with nurses. Nurses slept with residents. It was like working on a soap opera. At least the gossip tended to be more entertaining than her old hospital. But still, there must be something in the water here. Everyone was so horny all the time.

Oh God, Callie was horny. How long had it been? It wasn't exactly plausible to bring guys back to the basement. Not that being in the hospital ever seemed to stop anyone from hooking up here.

She was just tired of not having anyone, of having to go out and meet people. Callie was more than ready for a relationship, to settle down, to have someone to love. As she lay on the bottom bunk, she stared at the tattoo on her wrist. Sometimes she hated the small tattoo; it was dorky and honestly, she didn't even like The Goonies . But other times, it was nice to have a more permanent reminder of him.

Maybe her soulmate would walk into her life.

---

10 January 2007

Seattle, Washington

Her parents were going to kill her. Jane was going to freak out majorly about this. Nick was going to kill her, well, probably not Nick as they hadn't spoken in nearly two years now. But the point still stood. If her parents heard about the explosion at the hospital, which they definitely would, they were going to freak out.

So much for not getting blown up at work like Tim, she thought with a dry smile. Not that Arizona had been near the explosion. Well, she'd been in the OR down the hall when the initial code black came through, in the middle of a 16-year-old's abdomen.

She was making the executive decision not to tell her parents that. It was far easier to lie to them when she didn't actually have to look her parents in the eye. Her mother was like an actual human lie detector while her father was just plain terrifying. Nope, Arizona was going to tell them she was up in peds doing paperwork or something. She did complain about paperwork all the time, so that'd make sense.

"Robbins!" Arizona spun on her heel to find one of the more senior peds surgeons waving her down.

"What can I do for you, Dr O'Neill?" She asked, plastering on an easy smile. She'd call her mom soon. Better to stay on top of her fellowship work.

"I need to ride over to Pres with one of my patients. She needs surgery now. Well, she needed it an hour ago, but she's stable now so we're moving her. You're supposed to be good, so I'm leaving you in charge of my patients who are still here. Kenley'll probably have you take his as well. But that's 'cause he's an ass," the older woman let out a laugh heavily tinged by the stress of the day. "Can you handle that?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Perfect. Have you got a piece of paper on you?"

"No, sorry, I was in the middle of operating when we were evacuated."

"Of course. Because we work in a goddamned war zone apparently." Arizona flinched but kept her smile up. "Here, I'm giving you my password so you can pull all my notes. I don't trust Kenley's file system at all. Have I mentioned he's the worst?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"You're a bit cheeky, Robbins. I like it. Alright, here's my password. The username is . I'm sure you can remember that. Page me if you have any pressing concerns. But I trust you have this in hand."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Excellent. Do a good job on this and I'll pass along some of my surgeries. Keep an eye out for Kenley." Then she added more to herself than Arizona, "Christ, bombs and explosions in a hospital. This place is going to the dogs."

Sure enough, Kenley tracked her down moments later to shove a handful of patients off onto her since he also needed to head over to Seattle Pres for surgery. He framed it as a test of her abilities but she knew it was more about him exerting control over his department. He was an excellent surgeon and a pretty strong teacher, but he was, as O'Neill had said, an ass. McCale warned her about that, but he'd also pointed out how much independence she'd have there. And taking on the patient loads of two surgeons was nothing short of wild independence.

She was halfway back up to the peds wing when she received an urgent page to the nursery. Frowning, she changed direction mid-step, crashing into a resident.

"Watch where you're going," the resident spat out, bending down to retrieve her files before Arizona could even see her face.

"Sorry. That was totally my fault." She started to move to help the resident, but another page interrupted her. "Sorry, I... I've gotta run."

"Whatever," the resident grumbled out, still occupied by her files.

Arizona looked down at her pager. Why was Montgomery paging her? Arizona was almost positive she hadn't been operating today. It was never good when Montgomery started paging. But it frequently meant very intense, very cool surgeries.

Another page came in, this time for one of O'Neill's patients.

As she ran up the stairs towards the nursery, she managed to ring her mom, who of course, had heard all about the explosion.

"I know. I know, Mom. I swear, I wasn't anywhere near it."

"You better not be lying to me, Arizona Robbins."

"I promise. Really, I wasn't anywhere near it." That was technically true. She hadn't been near the actual explosion when it occurred. "How are thing one and thing two?"

"You mean your niece and nephew? Zoe, Charlie, do you guys want to say hi to your aunt?" Loud, familiar childish voices echoed across the line.

"Auntie Z, whatcha doin'?" Her namesake asked, evidently fighting with her brother if his loud protests were to be believed.

"Right now? I'm running up the stairs to go check a baby."

"Auntie Z, I wanna talk to you too, " Charlie whined, " Zoe's not sharing."

"Zoe, share with your brother," her mother said and Arizona felt like she was transported back 25 years.

"Why don't I give you guys a call when I'm off my shift? Or at least not in the middle of it all. Sound good?"

"That'd be perfect, sweetheart. Jane's having dinner here, so we'll all be around."

Arizona's heart clenched at the mention of her brother's widow and soulmate. Part of her felt desperately guilty that she had left her parents and Jane on the East Coast. But she had been drowning in grief. She had needed this change.

"Awesome. I'll call later then. Love you guys."

Right, back to her astronomical number of patients and whatever Montgomery was paging her about.

---

5 February 2007

Seattle, Washington

Callie stared at her own palm, willing her own phone number to appear. It had been nearly three minutes since she gave George O'Malley, the heart in the elevator guy, the cute guy who showed up in her exam room, her number. And she felt a connection. But there was nothing on her palm.

She sighed heavily. So it wasn't George. She would've known if it was someone in the hospital. For God's sake, she lived in the hospital. Of course, it wasn't George.

But George was cute and sweet and Callie was lonely.

Her father had always said that soulmates weren't the end all, be all. Her parents weren't soulmates and they were incredibly happy. She'd been in Seattle for two years and barely been on a date.

Sometimes it felt foolish to keep waiting for her soulmate. When she had been in high school, when they used to send each other bits of literature and poetry, it was all so romantic. Then it became more distant, which Callie chalked up to being at university. But, really, that night Emily had called the number on her arm… Callie was never able to get that out of her mind. The girl on the phone had… and the giggling… it was a lot.

She sighed again, trying to let the cool evening air soothe her. But she ended up coughing as the smell of cigarette smoke hit her nostrils.

"Who smokes at a hospital?" She grumbled to herself, casting a nasty glare towards the person smoking. She did a double take at the woman's dark blue scrubs. "What kind of doctor smokes at a hospital?"

Whatever, if some random attending wanted to throw away their lungs, that wasn't Callie's problem.

Nope, she was gonna go to Joe's and drink and then return to the hospital. Wow, her life was excellent.

---

12 March 2007

Seattle, Washington

"Dr Robbins, your pager keeps going off."

"Could you please check it?"

"Um, Dr Robbins, it says code silver."

"Code silver?" Arizona wracked her brain, running through all the hospital codes. Her heart sank as she realised what it meant. "Where?" No one moved, various nurses and residents staring at her. "Someone call someone and find out where. Now," she barked, very aware of how she had slipped into the tone her father favoured.

The nurse who had checked her pager spoke quickly and quietly, the phone cradled in her shoulder. Arizona tried not to focus on her, instead on the appendix she was meant to be removing. But she knew what silver meant. She knew and all she could think about was Tim.

Tim got shot and he died. Someone shot her brother and he died. And now, apparently there was a shooting in the hospital. Who does that?

"They're saying it was the person from the restaurant shooting, in the trauma bay. Um, two, no, three people were shot, including the shooter. Oh God, oh God. Dr Burke was shot. The police are here."

Arizona inhaled a slow breath, trying to settle her racing heart. She could not freak out right now. Not with a kid on her table. It was fine. Everything was fine.

"Okay, everyone, I know we're all a bit freaked out. But we need to focus on Clare here, who I think would really like to not have her very angry appendix. If you can't, then I recommend you leave my OR." She waited a few beats for someone to move, but no one did. "Okay, then. Let's continue."

---

15 May 2007

Las Vegas, Nevada

Callie tugged a hand through her hair, messing unnecessarily with her hair, her bangs just never laying quite how she wanted them to. She frowned at herself in the mirror, trying to pinpoint what exactly it was about her appearance at this point in time that was bothering her.

Maybe it was the less than healthy amount of champagne she had consumed over the past few hours that was making her head feel floaty. Or maybe it was the oxygen being pumped into the casino. Or maybe the crappy public hotel bathroom lighting.

Or maybe it was her brain's way of trying to tell her that this was one of her worse ideas.

But she really lik- no, she loved George. She loved George. He was sweet and funny and kind and the sex was pretty good. And his family was practically the Brady Bunch or something. To be perfectly honest, Callie hadn't actually ever seen the show, but she was almost positive that it was a reference people made. Point was… what was the point? Oh, yes, the point was that George was great and she was going to marry him and they were going to be totally happy and Callie would get her happy ending.

It was a great point.

Yeah, totally a great point.

Callie grimaced at her expression again, tucking a loose strand back behind her ear. Lipstick, maybe lipstick would solve it, that's what her mom always said, wasn't it?

She fumbled through her bag for a lipstick, even though she was almost positive that she didn't have one. She never wore lipstick. Eye liner? Sure, naturally, it never really came off. But lipstick was a pain. You had to have lipliner and then you had to have steady hands and it was fussy.

"Fuck," she hissed, coming up empty. She glanced at her watch, biting out another curse. She and George were going to be late. They had had to call specially to book in at this particular chapel, apparently the Elvis was the best on the strip.

"May I?" Callie's head snapped up, finding a woman standing in front of her, smiling kindly. "You just look like you need a second opinion."

"Thank you," Callie sighed out, her hip bumping into the counter. "It's like nothing I do seems right. And I'm in a rush, my boyfriend, er, no, fiancée is waiting for me. We have an appointment in just about thirty minutes now," Callie said in a rush, barely managing to keep up with her own words.

The other woman narrowed her eyes, examining Callie's face carefully. "Hm, I think I have just the thing." The woman rummaged through her bag before letting out a triumphant, "Aha!" She held up a lipstick tube. "This shade will be perfect on you. Sorry, I don't think I ever introduced myself, Joanne."

"Callie. You're a lifesaver," she breathed out, "Like I said, we have an appointment and I'm already running behind."

"What's the appointment?" Joanne asked conversationally as she popped open the tube.

"My boyfrie- fiancée and I are getting married."

Joanne paused, her eyes going wide with excitement. "Really? Oh, that's wonderful! How long have you two been together? My soulmate and I are actually here celebrating. Not an anniversary, that's in September, but my soulmate, she just got a major promotion at work, ah, I'm boring you."

"George, my fiancée, and I have been together, hm, not very long at all."

"Oh, I understand that. As soon as I met Renee, my partner, it was like everything slotted into place. We could barely even wait to…." Joanne trailed off, obvious regret coloring her tone, an odd expression crossing her face. But then it disappeared as soon as it came, a bright smile replacing it. "So, tell me, how did you two meet, how did you figure out your marks matched? I always love that part."

That swell of doubt that Callie had been pushing down since George got down on one knee flared back up. "What? Oh, we're not… you know, our marks don't match. But we don't care. We love each other. We want to get married. Start our life together, that sort of thing." Callie flashed what she hoped looked like a more confident smile. She wasn't sure why she was trying to justify it to this random woman. But the way Joanne's brow creased and mouth pressed into a tight line, she couldn't help but feel like she was judging her for marrying George.

"Hm."

"I don't think that soulmates are the ultimate, y'know, whatever. My parents aren't soulmates. And they're happy. You should be able to live your life without having to bend to the rules of the universe or whatever. Like, yeah, sure, it's great that there's some perfect person out there supposedly. But what if you never find them, what if they're dead, what if they're already with someone else?"

There were still some nights that she could lay awake, unable to shake that phone call from her memory. The words were burned in her memory, even if she had long forgotten the voice itself. Those nights were also the ones where the childish drawings that occasionally appeared on her arms flashed into her memory and she'd have a momentary panic that her soulmate might have kids and be married.

But she normally managed to talk herself out of it.

He always seemed nice and friendly and considerate to say the least and she was sure that he would tell her if he wanted to cut contact. Especially if he was married with kids.

Was Callie going to have to tell him to leave her alone? Probably. She couldn't exactly be happily married to George and exchanging lines of poetry with her soulmate.

"Oh," was all Joanne said and it was like a stone sinking in her belly.

"What?"

"Nothing," Joanne sighed with a shake of her head. Joanne sighed again and said, "I'm sorry, it's just… it brings up painful memories. I… I hurt someone I cared about, when I met Renee. I was so wrapped up in finding my soulmate and the thrill of it all that I didn't think, I just jumped in feet first. And I hurt someone who was very special to me." A sad sort of smile flashed across Joanne's face. "She wasn't my soulmate. I knew that, well, almost instantly that we weren't. But I still cared about her, still loved her. I could see a future with her. At least, I could before, before I met Renee. But then I met Renee and, and, it was like everything else faded away and it was just her."

"That's wonderful, but-"

"But, all I'm saying, Callie, is think this through. Would you stay with your fiancée, your husband soon if your soulmate appeared tomorrow? Or would you break his heart in a heartbeat?"

"I-" Callie's mouth snapped shut. Would she walk away from George if her soulmate appeared? If the man she had been waiting for years walked into her life and wanted to be together, would she not leap at the chance? She wished she could say she would stay with George, that she wouldn't divorce him. But she knew that was a lie.

Because she still wanted the fairytale. There was still a part of her that wanted what her parents didn't have. And maybe it was childish and naive, but it was the truth. It was supposed to be her happy ending.

And what if George's soulmate appeared? Would he really choose Callie over the person that the freakin' universe had picked for him?

"I don't know," is what Callie finally said, "I honestly don't know."

"I'll be honest with you, 'I don't know' is not a good way to start a marriage." Joanne shrugged, that sad smile lingering. "Good luck with everything, Callie. I'm sure you'll make the right choice."

Almost on autopilot, she found herself wandering back out to George, who was waiting for her with that goofy grin that she was pretty sure she loved.

What if she met her soulmate tomorrow? And she was married? What would happen then?

This was what she wanted. She wanted George to make a commitment. That was what she had asked of him. She had wanted this.

(Or had she just been tired of being alone?)

She almost wanted to ask for a pen. To ask her soulmate for… permission? Understanding? Forgiveness?

For all she knew, he married that girl who answered the phone all those years ago.

But something still tugged at her heart. She loved George, she did. He was sweet and funny and so very kind.

But their marks didn't match.

Those thoughts lingered in Callie's mind, even through the margaritas and tequila shots she and George took before they made their way to a chapel. It pulled at her as she listened to an Elvis impersonator ask George if he promised to love her through sickness and health. She tried to push those thoughts away. She was happy. She wanted to marry George O'Malley.

"... for so long as you both shall live?"

Callie snapped back into reality and before her mind caught up with her mouth, she blurted out, "No, I can't. I'm sorry, George." At the odd mixture of devastation and relief on George's face, she added, "I'm not ready. I want my dad to walk me down the aisle. I want the big dress and the cake and our friends to be there. I want a veil like my mom wore and I'm so sorry, George."

The Elvis rocked back on his heels, already waving in the next couple.

"Are we breaking up?"

"What? No, George, I just… your dad just died."

"His dad just died?" The Elvis cut in, "And you're dumping him? Harsh, lady."

"Shut up," Callie hissed. "George, no, I don't want to break up. I love you."

"Then marry me!"

"This isn't what you want," Callie shot back, folding her arms over her chest. "Don't you want your mom there? Don't you want to get married in a church?"

"Hey! This is a church," Elvis interjected and really, Callie was considering strangling him.

"George, c'mon, let's go." She offered a hand out to George, who reluctantly took it. "We can be engaged for a bit longer. We can plan a real wedding."

George's jaw twitched, but he nodded. "Okay, okay," he sighed, relaxing slightly. "You're right. But I'm not ready to go back to Seattle yet."

"Who said anything about going back to Seattle? We've only been here a day. There's so much to do in Vegas," she said, injecting as much levity into her tone as possible for a woman who had just cut her wedding short.

A smile slowly spread over George's face. "God, you're smart, Cal."

"That's why you're marrying me, O'Malley."

---

21 May 2007

Seattle, Washington

Arizona rolled onto her side, swinging her legs over onto the side of the bed. A warm arm wound its way around her waist, holding her in place.

"Where are you running off to?" Lips dragged down her neck to her collarbone, nipping along the way.

"No marks," she hissed, twisting to pull Heather into a proper kiss. "I was gonna head back to mine. My shift starts early tomorrow." Heather tugged at Arizona's shoulder until Arizona turned fully to face her. "Seriously, I need to be up in… like four hours."

"Stay here then."

"Um, well, you see, my place is a lot closer to the hospital. And if I get paged for an emergency, don't want to keep the sick and dying tiny humans waiting, you know?"

This was why Arizona didn't do blind dates. Heather was hot, and shockingly good in bed, but it'd only been a few weeks and already Heather was being clingy. Arizona much preferred a one and done. No one got too attached. Everyone felt good. It was awesome.

"That's hot."

"Huh?"

Heather moved to straddle Arizona's lap, pinning her to the bed. "You're good with kids. That's hot."

"Is it?" She fully knew it was. The number of phone numbers she picked up when she helped Jackie with her little soccer clinic was more than enough proof. That may have also had something to do with wearing her old shorts from high school. But, hey, they still totally fit.

"Totally." There was a glint in Heather's eye that Arizona was distinctly not fond of. "I bet you make really cute babies." Okay, that was officially the straightest thing she'd ever heard while a girl was trying to make out with her.

Arizona laughed, not at all (read: totally) nervously. "You, uh, you should see my niece and nephew. They're pretty adorable."

"I'd love to meet them."

Crap, nope. Backtrack. Away from meeting the family.

In a panic, Arizona flipped Heather onto her back, pressing a kiss to her sternum.

"I thought you had to go back to yours," Heather said, her voice far breathier than before.

"I can catch a nap in an on call room if I'm too tired," she replied, nudging Heather's knees further apart.

Okay, so maybe having sex to avoid uncomfortable conversations was not the most mature thing in the world. But what was she supposed to do? There wasn't exactly a handbook for the girl you've taken on 3 and a half dates started talking about how cute your kids would be. That was like next level.

And it was made all the worse by Heather inviting her over for dinner for their 4 week anniversary.

Who celebrates a 4 week anniversary? That's insane. She didn't know Heather's middle name, much less her favorite colour.

She really needed to break up with her. But the sex was really good. But maybe it was just that Arizona was awesome at sex.

Regardless, she needed to break up with Heather. This was why she didn't date blondes. She was gonna kill Becca over this. It was great and all that she and Jackie were so happy together and it had been a nice thought to set her up with someone. But they seriously needed to reevaluate.

"You look serious, Dr Robbins."

"Pardon?" Arizona glanced up at Ann, one of her scrub nurses. "Oh, right, yes, let's get started."

As she set to work on debulking the sarcoma in the little girl on her table, her nurses chatted idly.

"I heard they got married in Vegas! Do you think she's pregnant? They seem so mismatched, in my opinion," one nurse said as she passed Arizona a clamp.

"Oh, come now, O'Malley's a sweetheart."

"A sweetheart, sure, but he lacks a little something."

"Plus, his father just died. It all seems very sudden."

"They must really be in love."

"That must be nice. Steve forgot our anniversary this year."

"Out of curiosity, what do you think about a four-week anniversary?" Arizona asked, her head still tipped down towards her patient.

Peals of laughter echoed around the OR and Arizona just knew her cheeks would be pink beneath her mask. "Please tell me you're asking for a patient," Judy, the anesthesiologist, asked, looking up from her magazine. "Or are you dating a high schooler, Robbins? I suppose you look young enough."

"I am not dating a high schooler."

"I didn't know you were dating anyone," someone else added and Arizona was beginning to seriously regret bringing this up.

"It's only been four weeks. And only 3 dates plus I walked into a restaurant and then walked out 15 minutes later when that liver came in for Thomas. So it's been 3 dates and a piece of bread. That's totally not anniversary worthy, right?"

"I bought my girlfriend flowers for our two month anniversary," Renard, the senior resident on the surgery, offered. "But that was in my sophomore year of high school."

Arizona groaned under her breath. That drew another amused titter from the crowd.

"Just go out to dinner and be your usual charming self," suggested Ann. "Don't mention anything about the anniversary. Because it's not really an anniversary."

"Don't forget to flash those dimples, Dr Robbins," another nurse added. "They're killer."

"Did I mention that I was planning on breaking up with her? Considering she basically propositioned me to have a baby this morning, it seems like the right thing to do."

Judy nearly fell out of her chair, she was laughing so hard.

As it turned out, Arizona's instinct to break up with Heather was not unfounded.

At first, the home cooked meal was perfect after a long day at the hospital. And she actually enjoyed Heather's stories about her co-workers and Heather had nodded along sympathetically as Arizona described Reilly, the little girl she had operated on, and her deep love for The Beauty and The Beast .

Honestly, the main course had gone smoothly. It was during desert that things took a turn for the downright terrifying.

As Arizona helped Heather clear away the dirty dishes, she had come to the conclusion that it'd be terribly rude to break up with her tonight, but that she needed to get it done sooner rather than later. Preferably, before Heather started picking out wedding colours or something.

She was in the middle of loading the dishwasher when Heather grabbed her arm.

"What's this?" Heather tapped insistently on the nearly faded letters on the top of her hand. "G hearts C? Who's G? Who's C?"

Arizona glanced down at it. She shrugged. "It's just a soulmark. It's been there for like a day or so. They just haven't washed it off yet."

"I was thinking. We should get matching tattoos." If Arizona had been drinking something, she would've spat it out, like one of the Three Stooges. "Our marks have never matched up, but I think we were meant to be, Arizona." Arizona could only stare, open-mouthed at the other woman. "We could get matching ones and then it would be like we did have matching marks. Wouldn't that be wonderful?"

Arizona pulled her arm away from Heather. "Um, you know, I'm not fond of tattoos."

"You have a tattoo!" Heather took a step closer to her as Arizona took a step back. "I've seen it. On your wrist!"

"Yes, well, that is… it's in memory of someone."

"And you don't want to keep a piece of me with you always?" Heather took another step forward. Arizona could somehow hear her dad's voice reminding her to always have an exit strategy. "We're in love!"

"I'm sorry, what?"

"I love you."

"I don't feel the same way, Heather. I'm sorry."

It happened so quickly, Arizona barely even had time to react. Heather grabbed a steak knife from the sink and raised it above her head. Arizona scrambled backwards, her hip cracking against the table. But Arizona didn't let the pain deter her.

Silently thanking her father for his years of early morning training, she darted across the room, Heather hot on her heels, managed to grab her coat and purse before running out the door.

She didn't stop running until she hit the street and was safely inside her car.

With a wary eye on her mirrors, she dialled Becca.

"Hi! How was the date with Heather? She told me that you guys really clicked!"

"She just tried to stab me with a steak knife. So I'd say it didn't go great."

"Did you say she tried to stab you?" Jackie, Becca's girlfriend, cut in, barely managing to hold in a laugh. "Didn't know you were so kinky, Robs. "

"I'm not! She tried to murder me! Or at least, maul me. Because I didn't want to get matching tattoos. Oh and she told me she loved me and that we weren't meant to be together. Where did you find her? She's nuts!"

" Wow, you must be really good."

"Not helping, Jackie ," Becca snapped, " I'm so sorry, Arizona. Are you sure it wasn't a misunderstanding?"

"Not exactly a lot of room for misunderstanding when the crazy lady's coming at you with a steak knife. No more blind dates. Or at least, no more blind dates with blondes. I only hook up with blondes when I'm being particularly self-destructive. I'm trying to mature."

"Whatever you say, Robs. "

"Be nice, Jack. Are you okay though?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I just wanted to update you two on your crappy matchmaking skills. I'll see you guys next weekend."

As she drove home, thankfully un-mauled, a terrible sense of loneliness washed over her. She wished she could call Tim. He'd have gotten such a kick out of the whole thing. But Tim was gone and Arizona was all alone. Just like always.

She knew that the hooking up with strangers and sleeping with nurses wasn't healthy. But it was safer. No one could break your heart or leave you if they were never there in the first place.

That line of thinking did very little to quell Arizona's long standing desire to be in a stable, loving relationship, preferably with her soulmate if she could swing it.

She sighed. She might as well just go back to the hospital. Honestly, at this point, she all but lived there. Her mother continuously pointed out that she'd never meet anyone, soulmate or not, if she spent all her time there. As her mother fondly liked to say, no one else was a workaholic like Arizona, so unless her soulmate lived at the hospital, Arizona would never meet her.

Which was totally unfair. Because Arizona at least had an apartment she used from time to time.

---

31 May 2007

Seattle, Washington

She knew George thought he was being charming. That his whole lovey, dovey fiance bit was cute and sure, it was. But not at work, at work, it pissed her off. Because she had fought so hard to be here and she wasn't about to let George mess that up for her. She might be chief resident, but only if she fought for it.

She was an amazing surgeon. She was the top of her residency and she was talented.

Callie shook herself a bit. She needed to focus. Mass casualty coming in and broken bones, lots and lots of broken bones. Webber had sent her straight to the OR floor in anticipation and now she was just waiting for someone to send her a patient.

"Hey, ortho, right?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Awesome, I need you."

"For?"

"Seven year old boy with a lumbar injury."

"Got it." Callie started moving, half on auto-pilot, before pausing. "Sorry, is it just me, or are you…?" Callie honestly had no idea who she was talking to, the other woman's features half obscured by a face mask and scrub cap.

"Oh, uh, just you. I gotta… sorry, we're trying to triage peds cases and we're short handed. But you got the seven year old?" The other woman was barely even focused on Callie, already moving towards the scrub room to re-scrub.

Callie nodded, waving her off. "Yeah, yeah, I got this."

The other woman's eyes briefly lit up with a smile as she said, "Awesome. Good luck."

As Callie scrubbed in, she tried to place the peds person, but honestly, she had no idea. She only ever really worked with Kenley and he was an ass and definitely not a woman.

But really, what kind of surgeon had butterflies on their scrub cap?

---

9 July 2007

Seattle, Washington

Arizona leaned against a tree, her chest heaving. She pushed it too far. She did too much. Her left knee ached as she rubbed at it, the old injury flaring up as usual. But she needed this. She needed to not think or feel anything beyond the pain in her body.

Because if she stopped and let herself breathe for a moment, it'd be all tiny coffins and tears and she couldn't deal with that. She just needed to push it down and only feel the tightness in her chest and the ache in her legs.

"We can't tell her. I can't tell her. She's going to be my wife. My wife. And I, we, I cheated on her. I'm not that guy. I'm not, I'm not a cheater!

Arizona froze instinctively, her shoulders pressed against the rough back of the tree.

"So we're just going to keep this a secret forever? Because I can't do that, because it's eating me alive. We had sex! We had sex, Geor-"

"I won't, I won't hurt her like that. She has done nothing-"

"-but we did! We did something! And, and, and I can't forget it!"

"You think I can? I'm the one who's engaged, I'm the one who cheated, not you, I mean you're the cheatee-"

"-the dirty mistress?"

Arizona bit down on her bottom lip before she reacted and let the arguing couple (or rather, not-couple) know she was behind the tree. She could do with the distraction honestly.

But seriously, dirty mistress? Who talks like that?

"I'm serious, we're not telling her, I'm not doing that to her."

"We could be together! We could be so good together. What if we're meant to be, have you considered that?"

"No, we're not! We can't be because, because, we just can't!"

"She's not your soulmate!"

For a split second, Arizona could remember being 21 and coming home and finding a note, and her heart went out to this guy's poor fiancee.

"Neither are you! He's gone, Denny's gone and, and, and you don't get to ruin my relationship!"

Arizona's eyebrows shot up and really, what was going on with these people?

"You-" Whatever the woman had been about to say was cut off by a beeping pager, and Arizona's hand fell to her waistband before remembering that she was off for two days. "We're not done talking about this. Are you coming?"

As the voices faded away, some of the tension eased out of Arizona's body, but the ache didn't. But that was what she wanted because otherwise it'd be too much and she'd lose it. She just needed to… to… not feel .

---

29 October 2007

Seattle, Washington

Lying on her back in the darkness, Callie burst into laughter. She laughed until tears rolled down her face. At that point, the tears of laughter turned into tears of grief.

How could she be so blind? How could she have let herself get hurt so brutally?

She loved George. And he slept with Izzie-fucking-Stevens. And she tried to fix things, tried to make them right. Because they were engaged to be married . And George didn't want to.

Was she so unlovable, unwanted that he could just walk out on her?

Just because Izzie's soulmate had died, that gave her the right to try and blow up Callie's life? For God's sake, Denny had barely been dead for a year. Wasn't the loss of a soulmate supposed to be crushing? Shouldn't Izzie have some sort of sympathy? Or was she just too caught up in herself to see that?

With a determination she didn't know she possessed, Callie sat up and fumbled for the light. She might as well drink and cry. That somehow seemed less actively depressing. Clearing her throat a few times to rid herself of the tears, she called down to room service and ordered two bottles of champagne and some french fries. That was a totally balanced meal, right?

She flicked through the channels with very little interest, just wanting something to fill the emptiness that ached in her chest.

What did the dalmatian say after lunch? - Well, that hit the spot

Callie choked out a laugh. What on earth?

Her amusement was interrupted by the arrival of her champagne. The busboy gave her the strangest look when she opened the door. She checked in the mirror on her way back and he was being generous. She practically looked deranged with make-up running down her cheeks and red eyes and a too-wide grin.

But to be fair, that joke was pretty funny in a really sad, pathetic kind of way.

Wincing at the sharp tip of the pen on her skin, Callie wrote, Was that supposed to be a joke?

It's a great joke

If you're 7 maybe

That's who told it to me

A bit of hope that Callie thought had been totally destroyed over the past few days flickered back to life. Her soulmate, wherever he was, must like kids enough to write down a weak joke from a 7 year old.

Why'd you write it down?

Bc I have other people I want to tell it to

Like who?

Callie knew she was treading towards a dangerous place. She didn't even know the guy. It wasn't like he was cheating on her.

The 7-yo's best friend who's sat in the waiting area

Waiting area? What sort of things did 7 year old's do that required waiting areas? Maybe he was a teacher or something. He did frequently write down page numbers, so that'd make sense. A teacher was good. She could support that. She wasn't exactly feeling too fond of doctors at the moment.

Did it make you laugh?

Yeah - I needed that

I've got more where that came from.

His side of the conversation disappeared with some sort of wipe. Callie scrambled for her toiletries bag to retrieve a makeup wipe.

How does the moon cut his hair?

Idk

Eclipse it.

Callie groaned in the silent room, tossing her head back.

Why do you need a laugh? Bad day?

Bad year

I'm sorry.

Not your fault

You still dont wanna give names?

Callie hesitated. It'd be so easy. Just her perfect man, waiting for her. But she couldn't right now. Not after the George debacle.

No keep it traditional

Fine by me

Callie chewed on her bottom lip, practically feeling the tension through the neat letters on her hand. Casting around for something to say, she scribbled out, How do skeletons say hello? remembering a joke a little girl had told her while Callie fixed her broken wrist.

How?

Bonejour

That was terrible I love it

What do you call a skeleton who won't work?

Lazy bones you can do better than that

I read it on a popsicle

Do you only know bone related jokes?

Callie took a long sip of her chapmange, watching in fascination as half the conversation was wiped away. She did the same for her half.

Perk of the job

Interesting. Pretty sure any joke about my job would be too dark

Okay, so maybe not a teacher. What kind of job would have dark jokes? A mortician?

What's your job?

That might be revealing too much. It's pretty specialized

Okay, so he was smart or highly skilled. That was good. That was great. Callie was highly skilled at a challenging job, so they'd understand each other.

Another message appeared, why are you having a bad time?

People suck , Callie wrote back. It would be far too pathetic to reveal that her Vegas husband cheated on her with his supermodel best friend. People really suck. And I have to be around them all the time at my job.

My sympathy then

I want to yell at them and make them suffer

I think I'm supposed to tell you not to do that

Didn't you punch someone?

The words were scrubbed away quickly, only to be replaced by That was a very long time ago. You're very fixated on that

Callie wiped away hers. It's telling of your character

Rude. if it's people you work with, just go be super awesome.

I'm not awesome. I'm a badass.

Fine be a badass same thing

It so isn't but thanks

Anytime

Warmth curled in Callie's chest, temporarily displacing the aching pain of betrayal.

---

1 December 2007

Seattle, Washington

Don't forget to buy: candy canes, kisses and santa hats. Arizona tucked her pen back into her coat pocket, tapping her foot as the elevator slowed to a stop. She darted off the elevator, neatly dodging a pair of arguing residents.

She skidded into the ER, a nurse pointing her towards an examination room.

"Hi there, I'm Dr Robbins, peds surgery." She held out a hand to an anxious looking teenage boy. "What can I do for you?"

"Not me, him. I didn't know what to do. I'm just the babysitter. I didn't know what to do. I just brought him here." He gestured to the little boy sat on the exam table.

"Hey, hey…"

"Cory."

"Cory, you did good. You brought him here. Now, why don't you take a breath and I'll see what we have here."

"He said it hurt to breathe."

Arizona pulled off her stethoscope as she approached the young boy. "Hey there. What's your name?"

The little boy inhaled carefully before saying, "Graham. I'm 4." He held up four tiny fingers.

"Like the cracker?" He nodded, a bright smile appearing on his face. "Do you like s'mores?" He nodded again. "They're the best, aren't they? D'you mind if I take a listen?" He glanced over to Cory and then back to Arizona. "Hey Cory, could you come over here?" She leaned in to Graham and whispered, "I think that Cory's a little scared, but you're being super brave so maybe you could hold his hand. Lend him some courage."

"Yeah, buddy, that'd really help me." Cory offered a hand, which Graham took eagerly. "Thanks, G-man."

With Graham somewhat placated, Arizona listened to his heart and lungs. She smiled reassuringly at both boys. "Awesome. I just need to have a friend of mine take a listen too if that's okay." She leaned out of the doorway, flagging down a nurse. "Could you page cardio for me? I think we have a pretty serious case of pericarditis."

"Is he okay?" Cory asked, panic rising in his voice again.

"I want a cardio specialist to take a look, but I think you should try calling his parents again."

"Oh my God, they're gonna freak."

"Cory, you did the right thing bringing him here. You may have saved his life."

"He's dying?" That drew a panicked cry out of Graham.

"Okay, you need to calm down. He's in pain and he's only 4, so I need you to be calm for him."

"I was just trying to make some cash to rent a limo for my boyfriend for our own Snow Ball. He got freaked about going to our actual Snow Ball together, so I got reservations at this fancy restaurant and we're renting tuxes and the whole nine yards." Cory tugged a hand through his hair. "We're not really out, or I mean, I'm not out at school. I'm on the football team and the hockey team, and he's nervous that I'm gonna dump him if people find out, but I wouldn't. We're soulmates and he's my best friend, and I really love him-"

"Cory, take a breath. Why don't you step outside and call his parents, I'll stay with Graham. Me and Graham can hold down the fort, right, Graham?" She flashed a smile at Graham, who nodded seriously.

"Right, okay. You hang tight, buddy."

Arizona pulled up a stool in front of Graham.

"Have you seen Cars ? 's my favourite."

"Dude, it's my favourite too. Who's your favourite?"

Graham took another rasping breath that seriously concerned Arizona. "Lightning McQueen, duh." He did a four-year-old's approximation of an eye roll.

"He is pretty cool," laughed Arizona.

"He's super fast. 'm super fast too. My dad's teachin' me how to skate so I can be even faster."

"On ice or on wheels?"

"Ice. Can't skate on wheels. You're silly."

Arizona gasped in false surprise. "I'm silly? You're silly. You totally can skate on wheels. I can show you if you want."

Graham narrowed his eyes. "Don't believe you."

Arizona glanced around. The ER outside was pretty empty and no one important like Webber was hanging around and Graham looked so sad. "I'll show you." Arizona backed up to the far wall of the exam room until her shoulders pressed against the wall. "You watching, G-man?"

"Yep!"

Arizona kicked off and glided across half the room, winking at Graham as she went past him. Everything was going great until the door opened. With a stumble, she brought herself to a halt, narrowly avoiding crashing into who she presumed was her cardio consult.

"That was awesome!" Graham cheered, oblivious to the near miss. "Do it again!"

"In a minute, G-man."

"Roberts. You're here. Always pegged you for a babysitter."

"Robbins," Arizona corrected, her mouth twitching down in a frown. "Dr Hahn, I heard you were in Seattle these days. You're my cardio consult?"

"Considering it's my department, yes." Hahn took a step towards Graham, who quickly hid behind Arizona's shoulder. "Can I see the patient? Little boy, I need to listen to your heart."

Arizona twisted slightly so she could see Graham. "Hey G-man, this is my friend, Erica," she swallowed back a laugh at the huff behind her. "She needs to take a listen to your heart. It won't take too long. And," she leaned in closer, "I bet if you're really good, there might be some chocolate pudding in it for you."

"Really?" Graham grabbed her lab coat in his eagerness.

"Yep. Just let my friend listen to your heart and we'll find you some chocolate pudding. Sound good?" Graham moved to look at Hahn, carefully appraising her, before nodding. "Perfect. Dr Hahn, he's all yours."

As Hahn stepped past her, she could've sworn she heard Hahn mumble something about "still perky", which she just grinned about.

"Dr Robbins?" Cory lingered in the doorway. "His parents should be here in like 20 minutes. They wanted to know if there was paperwork or anything? And how he's doing?"

"The paperwork can wait until they're here and Graham is-"

"He has a serious case of pericarditis. He needs surgery urgently before it becomes more dangerous."

"Dr Hahn, little ears," Arizona snapped, keeping her tone as light as possible. If looks could kill, it'd be handy that Arizona was already in an ER.

"Am I gonna die?" Graham yelped, snagging Arizona's sleeve.

"Oh my God, is he dying?" Cory echoed, followed by what Arizona could only assume were the panicked shouts of the boy's parents.

"Hey, hey, easy now, Graham. I need you just to take one deep breath for me and then let all the air go. There we go. Now, you and Cory are gonna hang tight here until your parents get here and then we'll get you into a more comfortable bed. I bet if you're really good we could even try and hook you up with Cars on the tv."

"I get a tv in my room. Tha's so cool," Graham broke off into a coughing fit. "I wan' my mama," he whimpered.

Arizona brushed back his hair from his eyes. "She'll be here soon, buddy."

"Dr Robbins , if you can drag yourself away, I'd like to discuss our treatment plan."

"I'll be back in a bit, okay, G-man? Cory'll keep you company. I'm sure he has lots of thoughts on Cars ."

"You know it, buddy." Cory, despite the clear distress in his eyes, settled down next to Graham and Arizona felt a surge of affection for this big, muscly teenager, who was babysitting so he could take his boyfriend out on a date. "I've got this." Cory managed a weak smile her direction.

"Robbins."

Fighting the urge to roll her eyes, she joined Hahn outside the room. Erica Hahn had rubbed her the wrong way since her first day of internship and it only went downhill after Hahn tried to refuse her time off. Hahn had taken it very personally that Arizona went over her head to McCale, no matter how unintentional it had been. It probably didn't help that Arizona had been a bit of a nightmare, even as an intern.

"Dr Hahn-"

"I'll have my resident take him for scans. Clear your schedule." She cast a critical look Arizona's way. "What're you, peds attending?"

"Fellow."

"Hm. I'm surprised you ever left Hopkins. You were McCale's wunderkind. Even as an intern." Arizona jammed her hand in her pocket, dragging her nail across her palm. "I do hope you've outgrown your little tattletale instinct. Although I suppose you are in pediatrics…. We'll be doing a pericardial window. I hope you know what that is."

Arizona grabbed Hahn's elbow, forcing her to a stop. "For the record, Dr Hahn, I did not go above your head. I would hope that you could be more mature than my kids, considering that that happened well over five years ago."

"Really, Perky, what do you call it when the head of pediatrics calls me to demand that I give one of my interns time off?" Hahn shot back, her eyes narrowing. Arizona's lip curled at the old nickname Hahn had given her. Somehow she made perky sound like an insult. "And if I see those stupid wheel shoes again, I will report you to the chief for patient endangerment. Understood?"

Arizona ground her back teeth and smiled. "Understood. I look forward to seeing you in the OR, Dr Hahn."

---

1 December 2007

Seattle, Washington

"I hate peds."

Callie glanced up from her drink to greet Erica, who had all but thrown herself into the booth across from her. "Hi to you too."

"They're always so perky and happy and playing games. It's so… so irritating." Callie finished the last dregs of her drink. "I'll go order us some more drinks."

Callie chuckled, watching Erica fight her way through the crowd of doctors. With one finger, she scooped out an ice cube. Under the dim lights of Joe's, only the faintest remnants of the note her soulmate had written could be seen. She was almost positive he did something with children, but for the life of her, she couldn't figure out what it was.

She traced over the letters of the small tattoo at the crease of her wrist. Someday, she'd get to ask what it meant. A few weeks ago, she had been fixing up a 10 year old girl who had stolen her older brother's bike and the girl had been thrilled by the tattoo. Apparently, it was her favourite movie and the peds person who had been in had promised she could watch it in her room after her surgery.

"So, like I was saying, peds people are the worst. They smile too much. And this one, God, she's been a pain in my ass since residency. I got reamed out by a department head because I didn't want to give an intern, that's right, an intern time off. But she just flashed her stupid dimples and he bent over backwards."

"This was when you were chief resident?"

"Yep. Freakin' upstart." Erica narrowed her eyes, leaning in to look closer at Callie's wrist. "You have a tattoo? How did I not know this?"

In a fit of self-consciousness, Callie closed her fingers over her wrist for a moment before revealing it to Erica. "It's not mine, really. It's my soulmate's. He got it a few years ago." She shrugged. "I have no idea why, but I normally wear a watch or bracelets so it's not visible."

"Kind of dorky, isn't it? So you don't know who he is?" A flicker of something unidentifiable crossed Erica's face. Callie shook her head.

"You?"

"No. We don't… we don't interact much." Erica fixed her gaze on something over Callie's shoulder, a sneer pulling at her lips. "And there she is, Cinderella, herself."

"Want me to go yell at her or something?" Callie asked with a laugh, taking a long sip of her drink. She turned to look at who Erica was talking about, but Joe was in the middle of clearing a table, blocking her view.

"No, it's fine. I just hope I don't have any more peds patients. She's a fine surgeon, wasted on kids, but I don't think she could handle anything more intense." Callie hummed and nodded along. "Anyway, tell me about your day."

"Eh, it wasn't anything to write home about. All pretty standard procedures."

"That's what you get for doing carpentry." Erica laughed and Callie laughed with her, but something twisted at her. She hated when people reduced ortho to carpentry. She made people walk and she gave people their lives back and let the kid who wanted to go to the Olympics make it back for his season. "Oh, there Cinderella goes." She waved a vague hand.

Callie twisted in her seat, but only caught a brief glimpse of blonde hair, at least assuming that was who Erica meant.

---

18 February 2008

Seattle, Washington

"Could somebody please page ortho again?" Arizona called out as she tried to keep the sobbing teenager from moving off the exam table. "Marisa, I need you to stay still. I know it hurts. But you have to stay still."

"I… I… I want my mom!"

"I know, I know, sweetie." Arizona glanced up, finding the first person in light blue scrubs, a nervous looking girl. "You, run and find someone for ortho. We are on a clock with this leg. Go, run!" The girl scrambled off, nearly knocking a nurse off her feet.

"It hurts! I just wanted to take her to the movies!" She sobbed. Arizona's heart broke for the girl, who apparently had just gotten her license and took her little sister to the movie. "Is… Is… Rachel okay?"

"Dr Robbins, ortho's right behind me," the intern reported, her cheeks flushed from running.

"Dr Robbins, we need you in the other trauma room, now!" A nurse called from the doorway. There were way too many people in the ER right now with the 6 car pileup.

"You called for ortho?"

Arizona didn't even have a chance to look up when the nurse said again, "Dr Robbins, the patient is coding!"

"You got this, right?" She yelled over her shoulder to whoever had come in from ortho.

"Yeah, I got this. You go."

---

12 April 2008

Seattle, Washington

"Who's Robbins? They bumped my surgery," Callie whined to Bailey, leaning against the desk. "Bailey, are you even listening?"

"I have other things to worry about beyond your problems."

"My surgery got bumped."

"My condolences. There was a big peds trauma in the pit. It was probably for that. Don't you have anything better to do than whine, Torres?"

"I'm not whining," Callie called after Bailey as she walked away. "They always bump ortho. Every time."

---

7 June 2008

Alexandria, Virginia

Arizona woke up to an elbow and maybe a knee landing on her stomach. Then a pair of tiny hands started poking at her face.

"Auntie Z! 's time to wake up! The sun's been up for forever!" Arizona blinked her eyes open to find her brother's eyes staring back at her.

Shaking herself slightly, she pushed herself up on her elbows. "Morning, Charlie." Charlie pressed his tiny hands to her cheeks and then pressed his forehead to hers.

"Didja know it's almost my birthday?"

"It's mine too!" Zoe cried from her spot on Arizona's stomach. "It's my birthday too." Zoe elbowed away her brother so she could also talk to Arizona. "Pops said it was time to be up."

Arizona groaned slightly under their weight, rolling over to look at the alarm clock. "It's still pretty early for me."

"Pops said," Charlie echoed, far too cheerfully for 7 in the morning.

"Charlie, Zoe, give your aunt a bit of space."

Arizona leaned around Zoe to find Jane leaning against the door, looking far less worndown than the last time she had seen her. "Hey, Jane."

"Morning, Arizona. I tried to keep the wolves at bay for as long as I could. But they practically dragged me over here while it was still dark out."

"Charlie! Zoe! Pancakes!"

Arizona grunted in pain as Charlie pushed off of her stomach, quickly followed by his sister. "They've gotten big." She pushed herself into a seated position.

"They look more and more like you and Tim everyday. Your mom was showing them pictures the other day and Zoe was fully convinced that it was them, nevermind that they've never been to California." Jane smiled wistfully, her grief still apparent on her face. "Thank you for coming out. I know it's hard to get time off."

"I'm sorry I couldn't swing it for their actual birthday, but it's pretty close."

"They're 5, they only know that they're going to get presents and cake. Your mom said you have some interviews for after your fellowship."

Arizona pulled a sweater on, shoving the sleeves up to the elbows. "Yeah, I've still got some time left, but my old boss at Hopkins made a few calls for me. Better to start early I guess."

Jane looped her arm through Arizona's and then rested her head against Arizona's. "I know you love Seattle. But it'd be pretty great if you were here too. The twins would love it."

"I can't promise anything, Jane. I don't know where I'll end up, but you know I'm always here for you guys, right?"

Jane nodded, her eyes watery. "So, tell me, any progress on your soulmate."

Arizona's heart clenched at the glimmer of pain in Jane's eyes. Jane had only ever described the intense pain of losing Tim once and only after the better portion of a bottle of gin. It absolutely terrified her. "Nope. Not really. She does something to do with bones, I think, I'm not super sure though. She doesn't want to share too much information. Which I totally respect."

"Who knows, maybe she'll walk into a room and offer you Thanksgiving dinner."

"Do you ever regret it? Meeting Tim?"

Jane froze, her grip tightening around Arizona's arm. "Most of the time, no. Every so often, it hurts to breathe, to keep going and I wonder if it wouldn't have been better, if I never met him. But then Charlie smiles at me or Zoe laughs and I see Tim in them and it reminds me of how much we loved each other. And I wouldn't trade it for anything." Jane sniffled. "I still miss him every day."

"I know, Jane. Me too."

"Mama!" Charlie screamed up the stairs. "Zoe stole my pancakes!"

Jane let out a groan, half-laughing. "When did you and Tim start acting all buddy-buddy? Because I'm an only child and I swear sometimes I think they're going to fight to the death."

Arizona chuckled, "I don't know if we ever grew out of that phase, we just directed it at other people."

As they made their way to the kitchen, they were met by two agitated 5 year olds, practically at war over a pile of pancakes.

"Charles Daniel! Zoe Elizabeth! Sit down," her father bellowed as he walked in the back door. Arizona fought back the urge to flinch slightly. "Now, eat your pancakes." The two children settled down, properly chastised by their grandfather.

"Sorry, Pops," the twins mumbled into their pancakes.

"Morning, Dad," Arizona said, pressing a kiss to her father's cheek as she retrieved a cup of coffee. "I was told that I was sleeping in too late. Can I point out that Seattle is 3 hours behind? So it's about 4 in the morning for me."

"I woke up earlier in the Corps all the time."

Arizona snorted and shook her head. "Of course."

"Arizona, I set aside pancakes for you so the children wouldn't get to them."

"Thanks, Mom."

Her mother patted her cheek. "I'm just happy to have you home, bug."

"Auntie Z, I want you to sit smiley to me," Charlie called, pointing to the chair next to his sister.

"That means you get to sit next to me!" added Zoe. "I'll even share my maple syrup with you."

"Wow, that's so generous of you."

"Do you really cut people open?" Zoe asked, turning her syrup covered face up to her aunt.

Arizona shot a confused glance towards Jane. "It was career day a few weeks ago. One of the kid's mom's a surgeon."

"Ah, right. Yes, technically."

"That's so cool!"

"That's so gross!" Came the simultaneous reactions from Zoe and Charlie, respectively. "Can I watch?"

"Not until you're much, much older," laughed Arizona, ruffling Zoe's hair. The little girl pouted a bit, but was soon distracted by Arizona's questions about what they had learned in pre-school over the last year. At some point, Zoe had acquired a marker and started drawing pictures up Arizona's exposed forearm, little doodles of what might have been unicorns and puppies and a decent attempt at the alphabet.

"I wanna draw too!" Charlie clambered over to the chair on Arizona's other side. "Can I?"

Arizona glanced down at the carnage on her right arm and sighed. "Sure, Charlie. Go for it." Charlie set to work on what appeared to be an epic battle between robots and dinosaurs.

"You better hope she's wearing long sleeves, otherwise, I doubt she'll be pleased," her dad commented from his post near the coffee maker.

"Hardly the first time a kid's drawn on me," Arizona said with a shrug, which earned her two very stern glares. "How's work going, Dad?"

"I keep busy. Might be moving to a different department depending on the election." Arizona hummed in response. "There's always too much unnecessary shifting for politicians. I suppose you don't have that at a hospital."

"You'd be surprised. It's all hierarchies and gossip and favourites and trying to get funding."

"Hm, not so different then. Have you sorted out where you're going when you complete your fellowship?"

"It's in process. Most places will want to wait until I finish my fellowship. McCale is trying to convince me back to Hopkins. He's also set me up with an interview at Georgetown a few days from now. But the chief of surgery back in Seattle also wanted to chat with me."

"Good, you'll have options then."

"Yes, sir."

"Auntie Z! Auntie Z, which arm do you like better?" Charlie tugged on her sweater to get her attention.

She sucked her bottom lip between her teeth to stop a laugh from bubbling out. Both of her arms were absolutely covered in doodles of various degrees of clarity. "They look awesome. Thanks guys. I don't think I could possibly pick a favourite."

That seemed to placate both of them enough to stop drawing on her arms.

"That's quite the look you've got there," Jane said through her giggles. "Say thank you to your aunt for being so patient with you." The twins, looking rather cherubic, sang a thank you before darting off to the living room where their toys were. "You could've said no, you know."

As if on cue, a neatly written note appeared on the blank space near her knuckles. Quite the display here. I appreciate it.

Arizona winced. Her mother broke out into peals of laughter after reading it. The other two adults soon followed.

---

20 October 2008

Seattle, Washington

She almost couldn't believe she had done it. Of course, impulsive, instinctive actions were sort of Callie's MO. But this, this was a new extreme.

Callie considered herself a daring, brave person, sort of. If you had been burned as badly as Callie would, most people would have a healthy dose of fear. But tonight, she had done something brave and crazy and potentially life changing.

She had kissed Erica. She had done what she had been fantasising about for weeks now and it had been… eye opening.

Callie never went through an experimental phase in college. She always liked boys. She liked men. She really liked sex with men. Well, she really liked sex with Mark these days. But kissing Erica was different from kissing Mark, or George, or Karev. It was softer, gentler, deeper somehow.

And she really wanted to do it again.

Sat on Cristina's couch, Callie brushed her fingers over her lips. They still tingled a bit, as if in memory of Erica.

She kissed Erica, her very female best friend.

206-555-2060

Callie squinted down at the cell phone number on her hand. Normally, she didn't pay attention to the phone numbers. There was sort of a revolving door of them a few times a week, so it wasn't worth paying attention. But that was a Seattle area code. Callie's cell phone started with the same three digits.

Of course, it could be someone from Seattle visiting somewhere else. Or her soulmate could be in Seattle. He could be somewhere nearby and Callie had kissed Erica.

Callie shook herself from that line of thought. They would meet when they'd meet. But was that fair to Callie? Was that fair to Erica?

Callie wasn't in love with Erica. She really enjoyed their friendship. By all accounts, Erica was her closest friend in years, but that didn't mean Callie was in love with her. Callie liked men. But she also liked Erica. Maybe it was just Erica. She couldn't remember noticing girls before. She had been irrationally jealous of other girls and wished that she could look like them or be friends with them, but that didn't mean she liked them, did it?

---

26 October 2008

Seattle, Washington

Arizona tapped her pen against the desk, halfheartedly filling out her charts. Normally, she'd pass her charts onto an overeager resident, but there was nothing else to do. She was stuck in a now-subpar hospital to finish out her fellowship. She had already talked to McCale and Kenner about her prospects, each promising to write glowing recommendations, but McCale told her to stick it out. She only had a few months left now and it'd look poorly if she transferred. Plus, there weren't exactly peds fellowships open anywhere.

So Arizona was charting. Any patients that came in had gone to Kenley. It was snowing and there weren't even the usual kids with broken bones from the excitement of early snow.

Last night's snow barely stuck to the ground, but it still made her smile. Tim had loved the snow. He used to wake her up in the middle of the night to go play, even when he was in his twenties. She could still picture his smile and the goofy beanie he always wore.

"Do you ever stop smiling?"

"Dr O'Neill, do you have a patient for me?"

The older surgeon chuckled, shaking her head. "'friad not. There's just one kid in the ER and Kenley took him. The rest of the floor is half empty. I know that's a good thing. I know I shouldn't wish for sick and dying children, but this is…."

"Yeah," sighed Arizona.

"I'm leaving."

"Oh?"

"I am not a number twelve surgeon. You aren't either, Robbins."

"I haven't even finished my fellowship. But when I do, I headed back to Baltimore."

"Ah yes, McCale's pride and joy. He talks a lot about you and your special brand of genius." At Arizona's questioning look, O'Neill elaborated, "I ran into him at that pediatric conference in Denver over the summer."

"So where are you headed?"

"Nashville."

"Vanderbilt?"

"Yeah. They were more than happy to take me on. They don't have explosions in their ORs plus better weather."

"I like the rain," Arizona said mildly, filling in her signature. "But I'm sure you'll do great things there. I'll be sad to see you go. Who are your patients going to?"

"Did you think I was just chatting with you because I enjoy your conversation?"

"No…?"

"Ah, I'll miss you, Robbins. Half of my patients will go to you. The other half are Kenley's." O'Neill dropped a stack of files in front of Arizona. "Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. If you've got a minute, we can run through them."

"Of course, I'm free right now, barring any emergency, but that doesn't seem to be a problem."

"Walk with me then." O'Neill gestured towards the ward, a flash of childish colours on the back of her hand. She noticed Arizona's interest and said, "Oh, my son. He was drawing on my husband's hand earlier today. Better him than the walls I suppose."

"You have a son?"

"Three years old and the cutest thing I've ever seen. And I think I'm pretty qualified to know a cute kid." O'Neill pulled out her wallet, flashing a photo of a toddler with a happy gap-toothed smile.

"Very cute, ma'am."

"See, it's stuff like that that'll I miss. You're a fellow, Robbins. You don't need to call me ma'am," O'Neill chuckled, pushing open the door to the ward. "Afternoon, Hurst." They both nodded to one of the other attendings as he passed them.

"O'Neill, Robbins. Heard you're leaving."

"Yep. I start at Vanderbilt in two weeks. Just getting Robbins up to date."

"Smart. I'm interviewing out at St Mary's in Miami next week. Looks like it'll just be you, Robbins. Hell of a way to do a fellowship." He glanced around before leaning in. "Did you two hear that we're getting a new nurse? The one who stabbed Shepherd."

"Someone stabbed Shepherd?" O'Neill choked out.

"In the hand, during surgery. And now she's transferred to peds." Hurst shook his head in amusement. "I'm getting out of this second rate place before I get stabbed. No offense, Robbins."

"None taken," Arizona said, plastering on a smile. That's two attendings leaving within a few days of Seattle Grace getting downgraded. McCale better write one awesome recommendation. "I'm probably headed back to Baltimore once my fellowship is finished. Not that this place hasn't been great, but McCale's got an attending position lined up for me."

"Lucky," Hurst chuckled. "I'll see you two later."

"He's been looking for a reason to leave since Kenley got head of the department," whispered O'Neill. "He's got the people skills, but not the surgical skills."

"I've noticed."

"I can't believe someone stabbed Shepherd, the neuro-god. What do you think jilted lover? Baby mama? He's the one who's sleeping with interns and other nonsense."

Arizona shrugged, trying to keep her pile of files balanced as she followed O'Neill. "An ex-girlfriend tried to stab me with a steak knife once. It happens."

"Wow, you do belong here. So much drama," teased O'Neill, coming to a stop at an unoccupied desk. "Let me just pull up the records. I swear our computer system alone is enough to drop us to number 12."

Arizona occupied her time by flipping through O'Neill's patient files, half listening as O'Neill griped about the difficulties of moving with a toddler. She nodded and hummed in the appropriate places.

"... she made a man walk again. He was paralysed and now he's moving his toes," Arizona half-listened to the nurses chatting on the other side.

"I heard Shepherd was pissed at first." Arizona would've been pissed if some nurse had gotten scalpel happy on her hand too. "But Webber went over his head." She had only met and had an actual conversation with Webber a handful of times, including when he scrubbed in on a surgery purely for the purpose of watching her work, and he seemed reasonable enough. If not a little bit biased towards his favourites. Kenley had been in a state when Webber stole some peds surgery because it was one of his resident's kids.

"Made a man walk. Wow."

"And after the year she's had. First the quickie almost marriage and then the cheating. I know, poor girl. But now she's sleeping with Sloan."

"Sloan? I heard from Marta, you know in oncology, that she saw her with Hahn a few weeks ago."

"Maybe she can get the stick out of her ass-"

"Robbins! Are you even listening to me?"

"Hm? Sorry, spaced out."

"Boredom's a killer. Walk with me."

As Arizona followed O'Neill, she couldn't help but wonder who the nurses had been talking about. A surgeon who made a man walk, hot. Probably in ortho, double hot. And apparently hooking up with Erica Hahn, the Wicked Witch of the East? That could explain some of her moods. She definitely wasn't sleeping with girls back at Johns Hopkins, and Arizona would've known.

Whoever this mystery doctor was, they must be new. Arizona was almost positive she knew all of the female-inclined women at the hospital and none of them were doctors with the ability to make a man walk again. Colleen would probably know if she really was in ortho. But Colleen was also very clingy. Very, very clingy. And Arizona didn't do clingy.

---

3 December 2008

Seattle, Washington

Callie tapped her pen along the edge of her paperwork, staring blankly down into the busy OR below her. It wasn't exactly the most conducive of environments for filling out charts, but she doubted anyone would look for her in the gallery of a random pediatric surgery. She honestly wasn't even sure what the procedure was.

The point was that no one (read: Erica and Mark and his intern drama) would look for her here.

The door opened behind her, causing Callie to nearly knock over her precariously balanced coffee.

"Torres," Webber greeted, nodding towards her as he moved to the front row. The frown that had become fixed to his face remained firmly in place.

"Dr Webber."

She watched with some interest as the chief leaned an arm against the window, a looming presence over the OR. Callie shifted a bit in her seat to try and see what Webber was looking at, but there wasn't anything of note really.

"Torres, what are your plans for after the completion of your residency?"

Callie fussed with her pen, idly clicking it against her palm. "Oh, I've been meaning to speak with you, sir."

"Come speak to me tomorrow and we can discuss further, but with Chang retiring, I think I'll have an attending position for you. Lord knows I need good attendings these days." Webber grumbled something further under his breath before his attention shifted back to the OR.

Callie took that as the end of the conversation, shifting her focus back to her half-done chart.

But she found her mind slipping back to the discomfort of this morning and Erica's evidently earth-shattering revelations. It wasn't that the sex had been bad by any means. Maybe a bit juvenile and fumbling at points, but that was to be expected, wasn't it? Neither of them had ever slept with a woman before, so it was all about discovery. And Callie had discovered that she enjoyed sex with a woman as much as sex with a man. But for Erica, clearly, it had been more than that.

And Erica had started rambling about trees and glasses and Callie did not sign up for this. She liked Erica, she really did, but this was a lot.

It had been made all the worse when Erica's ramblings shifted towards her soulmate and how so many things made sense now. There had been a slight hesitation in Erica's voice as she talked about the tattoos across her shoulder and the way the handwriting had always seemed too neat for a man's. And then Callie had shattered the moment by blurting out that she knew her soulmate was a man named Tony.

After that, Callie had hurried out, mumbling something about needing to check on a patient or something.

Callie was confused, plain and simple. And she was not a person who tolerated confusion. She liked to know how things worked, how the pieces fit together.

The sex with Erica was good, but it wasn't revelatory. It felt, if she was being perfectly honest, not unlike when she had sex with George or Todd for the first time. Enjoyable in the way a first time with someone was. But it didn't blow her mind and make all of the pieces fit together.

If Mark wasn't so fixated on romancing Little Grey in secret, he could've helped her sort through this. But, no, Mark had to go and realize that Little Grey was his soulmate.

Callie's mouth pulled down into a scowl. That was unfair. She should be happy for Mark. She knew how Mark had struggled for years with the belief that he didn't have a soulmate, how that had shaped him into a womanizer. And now he had found her. Callie couldn't begrudge him that.

"Webber," Callie glanced up at the new voice.

"Kenley. Have you heard anything from McCale recently?"

The other man shook his head. "No, but we're not the ones he'd be talking to." Kenley gestured vaguely towards the OR. "She's his prodigy. He just sent her here for more experience. She was always meant to go back to Hopkins. And with the state of this place, I'm not sure anything short of my job would keep Robbins here."

Webber pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing slowly. "Your department is hemorrhaging."

"I'm well aware, Chief."

The beep of Callie's pager cut through the tension, drawing the attention of the two men.

"Oh, uh, it's mine. I'm just gonna…" Without another word, Callie gathered her coffee and her charts and hurried from the room.

She had heard rumors that a number of senior peds attendings had left for more prestigious hospitals. It made sense, peds was insanely competitive and a number 12 hospital wasn't ideal. But Callie was more than happy to stay here, regardless of ranking. She knew she wasn't a number 12 surgeon and she was afforded far more leeway and creativity in her surgeries than she would be elsewhere.

Plus, there was that number from a few months back, the one with the Seattle area code. If her soulmate was in Seattle, Callie would do well to try and stay put.

---

4 December 2008

Seattle, Washington

Arizona fussed with her pager, re-reading the message on it. She knew she wasn't in trouble or anything, and yet it still felt like she had been called to the principal's office. And Arizona had been to her fair share of principal's offices in her time. For both good and bad reasons. Still, being called into the chief's office was never good.

She glanced once more at her pager before shoving it back in her pocket. She ran through her most recent patients as she crossed the walkway towards the chief's office. She couldn't imagine that there was anything that should've been brought up to the chief of surgery. Due to the mass exodus occuring in the peds department, Arizona's workload had increased exponentially. But she hadn't made any mistakes.

Still wrapped up in her review of her cases, she pushed open the door without knocking, nearly knocking someone off their feet on the other side.

"Oh, I'm sorry, chief. I should've knocked. I'll just wait outside."

"No, no, come in. Torres is just leaving. Torres, we'll speak further in a few months."

The other woman who Arizona had nearly knocked over nodded, effectively swapping places with Arizona at the door. The other woman's entire focus was on the chief, but Arizona's lingered on her.

She was gorgeous. Like trip over your feet, make a fool of yourself gorgeous.

A tightness formed in her chest unlike anything she could remember in years.

"Right, Chief. Thanks for taking the time."

Okay, it was definitely, super unfair of this woman to sound like that. Christ, Arizona needed to pull herself together.

Arizona blinked and the woman had left the office.

"Robbins?"

Arizona snapped back to reality. "Yes, sir." Chief Webber motioned to the chair in front of her desk. Oh right, very important meeting with her boss. Totally not the time to be thinking about mysterious, extremely hot women. Arizona dropped into the chair and fought the urge to fidget.

As Webber appraised her, Arizona couldn't help but feel like she was sitting in her father's office, waiting for him to scold her and Tim over one thing or another.

"Tell me, Robbins, how have you found your time at Seattle Grace? More importantly, what would it take for me to convince you to take on a longer term attending's position?"

12 December 2008

Seattle, Washington

"Mark, I'm telling you, I'm in too deep," Callie groaned, kicking weakly out at Mark. It had only taken a week of bugging Mark before he could manage to tear himself away from Little Grey and their whole sordid, secret, soulmate love affair.

She felt for Mark. She really did. She knew how badly he had wanted to find his soulmate after years of thinking he didn't have one. Callie had no idea how she would've managed for almost 30 years without a mark. Her soulmate, mysterious as he was, had almost always been there. Their marks started showing up when they both were 9, which was even a bit on the early side. But the point being, Callie could barely even really remember not having the marks. It was sort of like always having a friend with you.

But Mark had believed that he didn't have a soulmate for years. Mark buried himself in shallow relationships and tried to suppress any emotion.

So Callie found it hard to begrudge Mark his time with his soulmate, even while she was having a major crisis.

"I don't see the problem, Torres. Just dump the girl before she starts professing love to you."

"I don't want to dump her. I like Erica. She's probably my closest friend."

Mark gasped, clutching his beer to his chest. "You wound me."

"Oh grow up, Mark." Callie rolled the neck of her bottle between her fingers. "It's just… she's seeing trees and I'm not. Like it's sex. I like sex. I'm good at sex. I'm great at sex, right?"

"Right," Mark agreed absently. "Maybe you're just that good, Torres. Maybe she's not that good."

"No, no, she's good. I mean it's different. But I didn't see trees, Mark."

"Full disclosure, Torres, I can't tell if it's the six pack or if it's a lesbian thing, but I really don't get the whole trees thing."

Callie stood abruptly to her feet, pacing the length of the living room. "That's the thing, Mark. I don't really get it either. She just was talking about how she needed glasses as a kid and then once she got them, the blobs were trees. And apparently, having sex with me was like getting glasses. But I've always liked sex with men. Sex with men is great. I love sex with men."

"And you didn't love sex with Erica?"

Callie tugged a hand through her hair as she turned on her heel. "It was sex. Good sex, sex I'd have again. Sex I have had again. But it wasn't mindblowing."

"Just to clarify, the sex with me was mind blowing," interjected Mark, a familiar shit-eating grin on his face that if she was in a better mood, Callie might have smacked him for.

Callie scowled at him. "Don't you have a girlfriend? A girlfriend who's your soulmate?"

"Doesn't mean a guy doesn't want a little reassurance?"

Callie huffed. "Fine, yes, you're very good at sex. Happy now?"

"Thrilled."

"What was my point? Oh yeah, the sex wasn't mind blowing or life changing or whatever. Is it an Erica thing or… I just don't know… help me, Mark," she groaned as she flopped down on the couch next to Mark. Mark chuckled next to her, stealing away her beer before she could spill it on her and Cristina's couch. "Mark," she whined.

"Look, Torres, I don't know what to tell you. You can like both, I'm pretty sure. You know who you should talk to, Lexie. She's really good to talk to and she's a great listener. Like she's one of those active listeners. You know the type where it really seems like they want to hear what you have to say? She's brilliant."

Callie glared up at Mark. "Oh my God, you're totally smitten," she teased.

"Can you blame me?" Mark sighed and bore an alarming resemblance to a 13-year-old. "I waited for so long for a sign, for anything. And then I've found her and she's perfect."

Callie's expression softened slightly. "I know, Mark. And I'm happy for you, I am. But I'm also maybe a bit jealous. I want that. Regardless of if it's with my soulmate or not. George was…. George wasn't good for me. Erica's a great friend, but I don't know if this is a long term thing. I don't think I can be this person for her."

"You've never even suggested trying to meet your soulmate? Or at least figuring out his or her name?"

"He's a he."

"So you do know his name, then? Why haven't you ever told me, Torres?"

"When would I have told you? In an on-call room?" scoffed Callie. "But I'm almost positive his name is Tony."

"Tony?"

"Don't sound so surprised. It's a perfectly normal name."

"Tony Torres," Mark said with a laugh.

"I somehow doubt his last name is Torres. And that's still better than Callie O'Malley."

Mark passed her a fresh beer. "You dodged a bullet there, Torres. But okay, he told you his name, that's progress."

"Well, not exactly."

"Torres, words. Elaborate."

"When I was in college, a number showed up on my arm that said if lost, call this number and my roommate called it, kinda as a joke. And some girl answered it. And she was talking to someone named Tony. So his name is Tony."

Mark shifted on the couch to pin her with an incredulous look. "Seriously? That's the conclusion you drew from that."

"Whatever, Mark. Maybe I don't even need a soulmate. Plenty of people never find theirs. My parents aren't soulmates and they're happy."

"You don't mean that."

Callie fought the urge to pout. She did sort of mean it. She wasn't one to waste her life away just waiting for her soulmate. She had made up her mind long ago that if she fell in love, she'd ask her soulmate not to contact her again, just as her father had.

"Torres, c'mon-" Mark's plea was cut off by Cristina storming into the apartment.

"I fucking hate Erica Hahn," was all Cristina said before pulling her tequila out of the cupboard.

"Hello to you too," Callie said with a laugh.

"She's like the freakin' Wicked Witch," Cristina grumbled as she passed the pair of them. She paused in front of them. "You two aren't going to have sex out here, are you?"

Mark choked on his beer, shaking his head quickly. Callie smacked his shoulder. "Rude. No, Mark was just leaving."

Cristina's mouth twisted up in a smirk. "Ah, right, gotta go sex up Little Grey. Nice." And then she disappeared into her room.

Mark stared at Callie, his eyes wide. "Do she and Grey have like soulmate telepathy? Does Big Grey know? It's only been a few weeks."

"Soulmate telepathy? No, I don't think that's a thing, Mark. Why don't you ask your best friend, the neuro guy? Oh wait, you're avoiding him because you're screwing around with his little sister-in-law."

"She is my soulmate. I mean, Derek's gotta be okay with that, right? He's got all sorts of weird soulmate crap with Grey. Like he didn't start getting his marks until after they met!" Mark gestured wildly, nearly knocking over one of their empty beers. "She's got a whole ass platonic soulmate," he hissed, jerking a thumb towards Cristina's closed door.

"You have to tell him at some point."

"I know," Mark whined, sounding like a child who's toy had been taken away. "I will. In time. We're still figuring things out."

"So what're you doing here then?"

"Being a good friend? Solving your lesbian drama? Did I solve your lesbian drama? I lost track."

Callie patted his cheek. "Not really. But it's fine. Go, see Lexie."

"You're the best, Cal."

---

17 December 2008

Seattle, Washington

Arizona bit back a groan of relief as her tragically boring date disappeared out the door of Joe's, mercifully paged away. It wasn't entirely the other woman's fault. Arizona knew that she wasn't exactly always in the best spirits around the holidays and it was even worse this year as she was working on Christmas.

Christmas had been hard since Tim. Her niece and nephew still believed in Christmas magic and Santa and the whole nine yards and Arizona loved that. December was always magical in peds. But it also made everything just a touch more tragic.

Arizona waved at the bartender for another beer, mindful of the fact that she was scheduled for the next morning. Kenley was hovering around her in an attempt to woo her to stay at Seattle Grace. Part of her was incredibly tempted. There was just so much heartbreak and grief if she moved back east. But this hospital was nowhere near the caliber of Johns Hopkins and McCale had a position for her the last week of February. And she didn't exactly have many ties here anyway.

But it was easier here to sort of blend into the background. Arizona had always been good at that, perks of being the perpetual new girl. It was better not to make waves. And at Hopkins, well, she was more well-known there. Notorious might be a more fitting descriptor. She had been nothing short of an unholy terror during her residency. Always eager and competitive to a fault and then spurred on by a desperate need to drown her grief in work. By the end of it, she had proven herself a capable, creative surgeon. But it hadn't exactly made her friends.

"Robbins," someone sneered at her side.

Arizona twisted slightly to find Erica Hahn half-slumped over, looking worse for wear. "Dr Hahn."

"I didn't think you could stop smiling. Thought you were supposed to be something out of a freakin' Disney movie."

Arizona fought the urge to scowl at the older woman. Clearly, she wasn't in the best state of mind. "Rough night?"

"Broke up with my girlfriend."

"My condolences. Can I buy you a beer?" Erica grunted and Arizona took that as an agreement, motioning to the bartender for a beer. "Why'd you break up, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Difference of opinion. Took her side over mine. Freakin' intern," Erica mumbled and Arizona's eyebrows shot up. "This hospital is a fucking wreck. An unmitigated disaster."

Arizona took a long sip of her beer. "Uh, aren't you head of cardio? Maybe don't trash the place you work?" Arizona suggested half-heartedly. In an impressive move, Erica downed about half her beer in one go.

"I'm leaving."

"Oh?" And really, Arizona shouldn't've been surprised. It seemed like practically every half-decent surgeon was fleeing Seattle Grace like rats on a sinking ship. "Where are you headed?"

"Back to Hopkins, just got off the phone with them. Suppose I'll be seeing you there."

Arizona picked at the edge of her beer label. "In February, yes, that's the plan."

"God forbid McCale doesn't have his little prodigy," Erica muttered none-so-quietly, "Were you sleeping with him, Perky?"

Arizona choked on air, nearly gagging. "God no, I'm gay. Like super gay. The gayest of gays."

"Same. Cheers to that." Erica knocked her bottle against Arizona's, nearly sending it flying if not for Arizona's quick reflex.

"I, uh, I didn't know you were…." What was the polite way to tell Erica Hahn that Arizona hadn't known she was gay, but always thought she really needed to get laid?

"Playing for your team?" Erica supplied. "Neither did I. Until a few months ago."

"Gotcha." Arizona nodded along. "Well, good you know now. Better late than never." She offered Erica a tentative smile.

"God, do you have to be so freakin' chipper all the time?"

"No," Arizona deadpanned, managing to draw a half-chuckle from the other woman. "The first one's always the worst in its own way. You'll find someone, you know that?"

"What're you, the lesbian whisperer?"

Arizona snorted. "Sure. Something like that. I'm just saying, I've been through it. It'll get better."

"You should be in an after-school special."

"Has anyone ever told you you're not the most pleasant person to be around?"

"Never." Erica sighed heavily, taking another long drag of her beer. "She was my best friend, the closest friend I've had in a long time. She's so good and she cares, even about people by all rights she should hate."

"I'm sorry," Arizona said and she was almost surprised to find herself feeling increasingly sympathetic towards Erica, a woman who had been unpleasant to her since the first time they met.

"Thanks, Perky."

"Do you have to call me that?"

"Did you have to screw me over with McCale?"

"I didn't!" Arizona protested for what felt like the hundredth time in this particular argument. She had done scut work nearly every day for two months after that. She protested her innocence for weeks but Erica had decided that Arizona had purposefully gone out of her way to undermine her. "Whatever. It doesn't even matter. It was seven years ago."

"Fine." Erica ordered another beer for each of them. She glanced out the window behind them. "I am so sick of the rain."

"I kinda like it."

"Of course, you do."

Arizona tugged at her sleeve to check her watch. She was just about at her limit of conversing with Erica Hahn. She swallowed a curse. She must have forgotten to grab it out of her locker after her last surgery. Whatever, the time wasn't really relevant, she supposed.

"I better get going. I'm on shift tomorrow morning. Good luck at Hopkins." Arizona turned slightly to shake Erica's hand, only to find the other woman staring at her wrist.

" The Goonies ?" Erica asked incredulously.

Defensiveness rose quickly within Arizona. "Yeah. It was my brother's favourite movie. He died three years ago on a mission as an Army Ranger."

Erica raised her hands in supplication. "Hey, I don't care. Just an interesting choice is all." She shook her head slightly before plastering on an unconvincing smile. "Take care of yourself, Robbins." There was a strange softness to Erica's voice, but Arizona just chalked that up to how much the other woman had to drink.

Arizona tugged her jacket on, flipping the collar up. She almost paused to say something further to Erica, but thought better of it. It wasn't like they were even acquaintances, much less friends. And anyway, she'd be seeing her in a few months.

As she stepped out into the rain, she let out a chuckle to herself. What a strange night.

---

24 December 2008

Miami, Florida

Callie ran her thumb across the tattoo on the inside of her wrist. It had become a sort of self-soothing technique over the years. Granted, she still thought it was a bit strange. She had only seen The Goonies twice in her life. Once when she was in elementary school at a friend's house and once after the tattoo appeared. It hadn't been life changing by any means. Certainly not get it permanently placed on your body.

She hadn't expected to feel so crushed by Erica's leaving, but here she was, hiding in her room on Christmas Eve, moping about. Her father was ready to practically put a hit out on George, blaming him for Callie's mood.

Was it that she honestly thought there was a future with Erica? Or was it more the loss of a close friend? Or had she never fully invested in the relationship because her soulmate was a guy named Tony?

It felt like no matter what Callie did, she was always alone. It seemed childish almost to continue holding out hope for a Prince Charming to swoop in and "rescue her". But Callie was no damsel in distress, so how did she keep ending up here?

As if on queue, a note appeared on her hand.

Merry Christmas

Callie let out a groan as she sat up, her back cracking. She dug out a pen from her desk, testing a few before she found one that worked.

Merry Christmas!

Callie stared at her hand as if willing something to appear, but nothing came. That seemed somewhat indicative of how this worked.

Sometimes she wasn't even sure if she wanted to meet her soulmate. What if he was married, married to the girl on the phone? What if he was horrible? What if he cheated? Wasn't there some power in not knowing?

Without so much as a knock, her bedroom door opened, the too bright light from the hallway spilling into the room.

"Why are you moping, Calliope?" Her mother tsked, fussing with the random things Callie had left behind over the years. "We leave for mass in ten. I expect you to be downstairs and dressed appropriately." Her mother perched on the edge of her bed, lips pursed, looking perplexed, as she always did, like she wasn't quite sure what to make of her youngest daughter. "You look so sad, mija. I knew that boy was trouble as soon as you mentioned him. And really, Calliope, a wedding in Vegas. Why can't you be more like Aria? Find your soulmate, marry him in a nice church ceremony, not give your mother a heart attack."

"That's not how heart attacks work, Mom." Her mother pinned her with a harsh look and Callie lifted her hands in placation. "Sorry," she mumbled, fighting the urge to roll her eyes. She wasn't sure what it was about her parents' house, but she always felt like she reverted back a decade into that sulky, moody teenager who chafed under her mother's judgement and her father's overprotectiveness. Well, to be fair, there were days, even clear across the country where she felt like that.

And somehow, she doubted that would improve if her parents knew the real reason she was moping.

Moping because her very female best friend left her after they dated and explored and opened windows and doors and saw trees or whatever the hell the freaking metaphor was. Moping because she was certain that she was destined to be alone and miserable and her soulmate was probably married and she didn't need a soulmate. But it'd be nice.

"Mija, have you made any progress on finding your soulmate? Because, honestly, you're starting to get old. Don't you want children? Aria already has the boys. By the time you find him, you'll be an old maid."

"Mom, that's not… it's fine. I'm fine. Stop fussing."

"I'm not fussing. I'm just concerned," her mother sighed heavily as if Callie's relationship status and lack of children kept her up at night, which knowing her mother, it probably did. "I worry, that's all. You'll understand if," her mother hesitated, " when you have children." She leaned forward to brush Callie's bangs back, dragging her thumb across Callie's temples. "You are such a special girl, my Calliope. But I worry that you're lost and you're so far away. Maybe you should come back to Miami. I'm sure St Mary's could find a spot for you. You're nearly finished with your…?"

"Residency," Callie filled in.

"Ah, yes, your residency. Couldn't you move after? You need sunshine. You have too much darkness in your life."

"I like Seattle."

"It's so cold and rainy and your father doesn't think it's very safe."

"Miami's not that safe either."

"It's safer than Seattle, I'm sure. Just think about it, won't you?"

Callie paused, glancing down at her hands for a moment. "I think my soulmate's in Seattle," she said in a rush, "There was a number. A few months ago, a Seattle number."

"Oh, that's wonderful, sweetheart. You must stay in Seattle then." Her mother patted her cheek and Callie couldn't help the swell of warmth in her chest.

It wasn't much. It was really almost nothing. But there was something reassuring about her mother telling her to stay in Seattle.

---

31 December 2008

Seattle, Washington

Arizona tried to focus on the redheaded girl chatting her up, but her heart wasn't really in it. The girl wasn't exactly compelling and it was loud and Arizona was tired.

Tired was maybe even underselling it. She was exhausted.

It was like she was stuck in an endless loop.

Work, quietly grieve Tim, work, sleep, feel guilty for leaving her family on the east coast, work, have meaningless hookups and hope it'd make things quiet for a little while, work, work, work.

She wanted things to be different. This wasn't how she wanted to live her life. She wanted something more. But she just had no idea where to even look, where to even start.

Well, her soulmate. That would probably be the natural starting point, of course.

Part of her desperately wanted to just find her, to have that surety, to have that person who just got it. She was tired of the girls in bars and the meaningless, boring sex and the emptiness. She wanted more.

What had Tim said all those years ago? Value herself more?

Easier said than done perhaps.

"...are you even listening?"

"Hm?" Arizona blinked, tipping her head to the side and flashing her dimples in a poor attempt to reassure Shannon, or Susan? or was it something with a P? that she was listening.

"Ugh, whatever."

Pam (maybe?) turned on her heel, abandoning Arizona at the bar.

Arizona glanced around the bar as if her soulmate would just pop out with a neon sign and all the stars would align or whatever. That'd be just great if the universe could toss her a bone for once.

Maybe that should be her new year's resolution. To stop hooking up with random girls. It just felt so empty. She felt so empty. It had been one thing when she was still in school or even still a resident, but it was starting to get to a point where she wanted more. And sure, she could settle down with someone who wasn't her soulmate. But that just felt wrong to her. She wanted what her parents had, what Tim and Jane had.

Some days, or maybe more so nights, she just felt so achingly lonely.

She wasn't sure what to do with that loneliness anymore. There had been a point where she could bury it more easily. But now… now, she felt so strangely unfulfilled. She loved her job, her family, her random assortment of friends, but she wanted more. She wanted that person who she just clicked with.

And on the one hand, she wanted to just ask her soulmate for their number-

Her drink was halfway to her mouth when her pager beeped.

"Good way to start the new year," she said to no one in particular, abandoning her drink at the bar. Stacy glared at her as she passed, but blissfully didn't say a word.

The brisk air was more than welcome after the stuffy bar, even as it cut through her clothes and far too thin jacket. She hurried her pace, idly fussing with the lighter in her pocket. She almost pulled out a cigarette, but she doubted any parent would want their kid's surgeon smelling like cigarettes. It didn't exactly inspire confidence or professionalism.

"Dr Robbins!" Arizona barely crossed the threshold of the hospital before an intern was all but dragging her towards the ORs, rambling as they went. "Dr Torres is already operating, but we're stretched really thin, so Dr Webber said to page you. Dr Kenley's in surgery with the other kid, and, uh, apparently, Dr Marston resigned yesterday." Arizona nearly stumbled over her own feet. Were she and Kenley really the last of the peds department? This place was really falling to pieces.

"Okay, uh, okay, Torres is ortho, right?" Arizona asked, tugging her hair up into a ponytail. The intern nodded quickly, his head bobbing awkwardly. Arizona motioned for him to continue speaking. "Wanna give me at least the bullet points of what I'm walking into?"

The intern flushed. "Of course, sorry, Dr Robbins. A group of kids went into an abandoned building and were setting off fireworks and one got blown off the roof, one from the looks of it got hit in the abdomen with a firework. The rest have some bad burns, but Dr Sloan has already checked them out. He's with Kenley right now working on the kid with the abdomen injury. You'll be with Dr Torres and the kid who fell off the roof." The intern continued rattling off the details of the boy's injuries as Arizona changed into scrubs. "They're in OR 3. Would you like me to come with?"

Arizona arched an eyebrow at him. "Do you think I'm going to get lost?"

"I mean, aren't you new?"

Arizona choked out a laugh. "I've been here for two years. I've been here longer than you."

"Really? I thought I knew all the residents and attendings. I've never seen you before."

"Yes, really, I'm finishing my fellowship. Now, unless you have further pressing concerns about my navigational skills, I have a kid to save." Arizona shot the intern a wink before neatly sidestepping him.

As seemed to be the theme of the evening, as soon as she stepped into the OR, there was a cacophony of noise. Arizona barely had a chance to get a gown in before she found herself thrown in the middle of everything.

The ortho resident, the one from Webber's office earlier in the month she noted absently, barked orders with ease, with the confidence of a much more experienced surgeon and Arizona couldn't help but be impressed.

"Hope I didn't pull you from anything pressing," the resident, Torres, said, glancing across the table once things calmed down once more.

Arizona managed a grin under her mask. "You saved me actually."

"Happy to help then," Torres said, a slight laugh lilting her voice.

They worked in silence, only the occasional request or sound of machines interrupting the silence. It wasn't exactly the way Arizona had planned on spending the new year, but it was probably an improvement on hanging out at a bar, talking to girls she was wholly uninterested in.

"What were these kids thinking? What happened to, I don't know, anything not involving pyrotechnics?" Torres mused as she examined the boy's leg. "He'll be lucky if he doesn't have a limp for the rest of his life. All for some stupid fireworks. I swear I wasn't this stupid when I was 15."

"One of my cousins set his hair on fire once with a sparkler trying to impress a girl. Of course, I think he was in his twenties at the time and they're married with kids now, so it may have been worth it."

"That's one way to do it."

"There are definitely easier and less flammable ways," Arizona laughed, unable to stop herself from glancing up at Torres. She had been struck by her beauty that day in Webber's office, and even with most of her face covered, Arizona still found herself entranced by the way her eyes lit up with mirth. She possessed an intriguing warmth that Arizona found herself inexplicably drawn to in a way she couldn't even remember experiencing previously.

So much for swearing off women.

Not that she had ever thought that was particularly serious in the first place.

---

16 January 2009

Seattle, Washington

"You're sure Lexie's okay with this? The whole going out to the bars and being my wingman?" Callie waved a hand between them as Mark returned with their beers. "She's not going to go all crazy soulmate on you?"

Mark shook his head emphatically, sipping at his beer. "No, no, Lexie's not like that. She's great."

"Does she know we've had sex?" Mark choked on his beer. "I'm taking that as a no."

"It hasn't come up. And really, no offence, Torres, but I'd much rather have sex with Lexie than you."

Callie didn't want to admit that stung a bit. Not that she wanted to have sex with Mark, but ever since Erica, and well, George too, she felt wholly undesirable and wounded. She had no interest in Mark on any level, but she wanted to feel desired.

"Gee, thanks, Mark."

"You'll understand when you find your soulmate. But for now, let's get you laid. What are you in the mood for?"

"This was a mistake."

"Aw, c'mon, Callie, I'm a great wingman. Just ask Derek. I'm responsible for at least seventy-five percent of his success. I'm the reason he got with Addison, and let's be real, she's out of his league."

Callie propped her chin on her hand. "So does that mean you'll find someone here for me and play the long con to break up our marriage in five plus years?"

Mark huffed, rolling his eyes at her. "I don't do that anymore. I don't need to. I have Lexie and I'm not going to mess it up."

The pessimistic part of Callie so wanted to tell him that he was totally going to mess it up. That once a manwhore, always a manwhore. That he and Lexie may be soulmates, but they were in very different stages of life, and she wasn't sure if Mark was going to be willing to wait for Lexie to catch up. That keeping their relationship a secret from the start wasn't going to end well.

But she couldn't do that to Mark, not when he was so happy, not when he had been supportive of her through everything.

Callie held up her hands in concession. It wasn't worth getting into it with Mark. "So, how does this wingman thing work?"

"Don't girls do wingmen? Wingwomen? Whatever."

"No," Callie said, her tone droll. "Normally, we just wear low cut shirts and wait for men to come to us."

"Does that work with the ladies too?" He asked, his eyebrows bouncing almost comically.

Callie slapped his arm. "Don't be weird."

"Hey, I'm just trying to help get you out of this funk of yours. You're hot, Torres. Like smokin' hot. But you're less hot, and more importantly, less fun when you're all gloomy. And the best known cure for gloominess is getting laid. And luckily, you came to the right guy."

"The best known cure…? Does this crap actually work for you?"

Mark shrugged and said, "Hasn't failed me yet, and now it's going to get you laid. So, what's your type? Because you've gone for ruggedly handsome and insanely talented," he gestured towards himself, "Dweeby interns, and well, Erica's talented, but she's also kind of a bitch, but in a scary hot way. Huh, you know who you should go for? Your roommate. Yang. She's a resident," Mark held up one finger. "She's scary. She's pretty talented at cardio. Sort of sounds like your type."

Callie rolled her eyes before downing nearly half her beer. "I'm going to pretend you didn't say that."

"I'm just stating facts."

"Yang is not my type."

"Interesting, interesting." Mark tapped his chin, an almost comical caricature of a man in thought. "What about your previous boyfriends? You must have a type. Everyone has a type."

Callie shrugged, playing with the edge of her coaster. "I don't know if I have a type. At least in looks. It's more about the personality for me. I like someone who's smart, but also kind and funny. Someone I can talk to forever and never get bored. Someone who understands how much I love my job and has that same kind of passion in their life."

Mark nodded along before cutting in, "Look, that's all well and good for a relationship, but that's not our mission here. We're looking for someone to take you home. So, tits or ass?"

Callie choked on her beer, some nearly coming out her nose. "Do you have to be so crude?" Mark nodded. "I…. I don't know."

"Oh, c'mon, everyone knows. Don't think, just answer. Tits or ass?"

"Uh…."

"Torres, quickly."

"I don't-"

"Yes, you do, you so do-"

"Stop yelling at me, Mark!"

"I'm trying to help you!" He whisper-yelled back.

"Fuck, I… ass, I guess."

"Atta girl."

"Don't do that, it's creepy."

Mark held his beer up for a cheers, which Callie reluctantly returned. "Okay, so just looking around, I think you've got a few options. The guy in the suit, probably here for an interview and therefore in a hotel room and an easy out." Callie looked over to the guy Mark was pointing out, sat alone at the bar. She scrunched up her nose and shook her head. He seemed too… too corporate-y. "Okay, good to know. I think the two women playing pool might play for your team."

"They look like they're on a date, Mark." Callie's statement was proven by the two women laughing as they bumped into each other, one pulling the other in for a quick kiss. Callie hated how jealous she felt of their casual intimacy.

"Huh, maybe. But at least we know I'm good at picking out the ladies. Just point Mark towards who you want and Mark will make it happen."

"Don't refer to yourself in the third person, it's weird." Callie finished off her beer, and stood up before Mark could say something else strange. "D'you want another one?"

"Sure, why not? Lexie's working overnight."

Callie wove her way over to the bar, realising in that moment this was the first time in months she was at a bar that wasn't Joe's. Which had been intentional, of course. She didn't want to be the subject of even more hospital gossip. But still, it was strange to not see Joe or one of his staff behind the bar.

As the bartender poured her and Mark's beer, Callie looked around the bar idly.

"So, is that guy your date, or boyfriend, hopefully not husband?" Callie whipped around to find a woman standing next to her, a teasing glint in her eye.

"What? Uh, no, uh, he's just a friend, I mean, we've hooked up, but he met his soulmate and we'd never, ever, ever date even if he hadn't. Mark's a bit of a manwhore, that's what Bailey called him. And she's not wrong, or well, she wasn't then. Now he's all in on Lexie, which is almost sweet sometimes…. And I'm now realising that that is probably way too much information." Callie's cheeks burned as the blonde woman smiled. "Sorry, I, uh, ramble."

"It's kinda cute."

Thankfully, the bartender returned with her beers, saving her from coming up with a response. She moved to take them over to their table, but Mark was gone. She scanned the bar for him, finding him halfway to the door, making increasingly complex hand gestures to her, culminating in a thumbs up and a grin.

"Where'd your friend go?" The blonde asked. Callie shrugged. "You could give me one of those beers and say you bought it for me," she said in a faux stage whisper. "It'd be a very smooth move."

"Oh, uh, yeah, you're more than welcome to it."

Callie rocked on her heels, apparently devoid of any social niceties.

"This would be the part where I suggest we grab that table," the woman said.

"Right, yeah, that'd be… yeah." As they sat down, Callie found herself blurting out, "I'm normally better at this." Well, that was maybe a bit of a lie. "I'm just…"

"Let me guess, fresh off a break up. She broke your heart?" Callie nodded. "You have that look."

"I'm not looking for anything serious."

"Just a rebound, I assume?"

"Yeah, something like that."

"Same here."

"Yeah?" The woman nodded, her dark eyes glinting. "Callie." Callie offered her hand, only realising a beat too late what she was doing.

The woman took her hand. "Drea." Drea held onto Callie's hand, gently brushing her fingers over the back of her hand. "So, tell me, Callie, what do you do?"

"I'm a surgeon. Orthopedics."

"Wow, very impressive. Are you at Presbyterian? I have a friend who's a nurse over there."

"No, I'm over at Seattle Grace. What about you?" Callie asked, distinctly aware of how warm Drea's hand was and the creeping blush across her cheeks.

Drea rolled her eyes and shrugged. "Nothing so interesting. Typical Seattle story."

"Oh yeah, what's that?"

"Grew up nearby, went to UW, got picked up by a big tech firm."

"So you're local?"

"And I'm even friendly, surprising, I know. I don't buy into the whole Seattle freeze thing."

Callie laughed lightly. "Really? Because I think I only know transplants to Seattle. Wait, no, I know two people who are actually from Seattle and come to think of it I don't really like either of them very much."

"Well, on behalf of the city of Seattle, I apologize for them. And maybe I can even change your opinion." Drea leaned in closer, her eyes drifting across Callie's face. "I've never been one to leave anyone with a poor impression. In fact, I'd say I leave them wanting more."

Callie blinked a few times. On some level, she wanted to be into this. It'd be easy and noncommittal unlike everyone else as of late. But she also was unconvinced she was ready for this. For the hooking up and random women and random men.

That had never really been her scene. Mark was as close to a random hookup as she got, and they were now close friends.

Callie pushed her doubts down. Mark was right, she just needed to get this out of her system. "Is that right?" Drea nodded, shifting slightly closer. "D'you wanna get out of here?" Callie rushed out before she chickened out.

"Let's do it, cutie." Still holding Callie's hand, Drea led her out of the bar.

Drea spun back to face her as they stepped onto the street, the ambient noise of other bars drifting down the street. Drea took a half step closer to Callie, brushing her hair behind her ear. Impulsively, which was the only way Callie seemed to do things these days, Callie leant forward and kissed Drea. And she immediately regretted it. It wasn't a bad kiss per say. In fact, objectively, it was probably a pretty decent kiss. But it just felt wrong to Callie.

As Drea pushed her tongue into Callie's mouth, an unfortunate knot formed in Callie's stomach.

Callie pulled away at the first opportunity, exhaling quickly. "I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I don't think… I can't do this…."

Hurt flashed across Drea's face before quickly disappearing into understanding. "Too soon, huh?"

Callie rubbed at the back of her neck. "Yeah, I think so. I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry for. It's hard. She clearly did a number on you."

Callie nodded. She wasn't sure if that was even the case, she just knew this didn't feel right.

After digging through her bag for a moment, Drea grabbed her hand, scribbling her number onto Callie's palm. "When you're feeling better, maybe give me a call. I think we could have some fun."

Callie offered a smile, but she knew she'd just wash her hand when she got home and probably forget about Drea and wallow in self-pity for a while.

---

13 February 2009

Seattle, Washington

Arizona inhaled a shuddering breath that didn't feel like it did much at all. Her fingers curled into a overly tight fist, her nails digging into the flesh of her palm. She pressed her fist into her chest, the pressure just that little bit of relief.

She was pretty sure that she was having a panic attack.

Yep, she was having a panic attack.

An actual real life panic attack.

Awesome.

Or maybe she was just having a breakdown.

Not that the two were exactly mutually exclusive.

But the point still stood.

Everything was a mess. Everything was a disaster. Everything was falling to actual pieces and she was almost positive it was her fault.

Or if it wasn't her fault, she sure as hell was the one responsible for it.

That had been made explicitly clear in her meeting with the chief.

"Don't let me down, Robbins," and "The prestige of this department and hospital lies with you," and "I hope I didn't make a mistake in backing you, Arizona."

She was pretty sure he was trying to psych her out for some reason. That didn't make it any less terrifying of course. In fact, it made it more terrifying. Because it was almost like he wanted, or rather expected her to fail.

And why wouldn't she fail?

She had to be the most unqualified head of peds surgery in the country. Hell, the most unqualified head of department in the country period. She wasn't supposed to be here. She was supposed to be back in Baltimore by the end of the month, back less than an hour drive from her family, back with McCale and Kenner and in the first place that had ever really felt like home.

Instead, she was less than a month out from the end of her fellowship and now the head of the department after a freak accident and she felt like she couldn't get her head above water.

She had barely slept in, God, nearly seventy-two hours. Arizona had already been stretched thin prior to Kenley's death, what with the almost completely abandoned peds department. And then Sampson quit when she was named interim department head. And Merrill was openly looking for jobs and openly hated her and ignored her authority, not that she felt like she had that much anyway. And Arizona was alone and it felt like she was in the middle of a freaking hurricane.

She had had to tell the chief they needed to start sending some of the kids to Seattle Pres because she simply couldn't do that many surgeries alone. Kenley hadn't fostered the fellowship program at all after Arizona began and Arizona didn't trust residents with her tiny humans. She couldn't look a parent in the eye and tell them she was letting a baby surgeon operate on the most precious thing in their world. She just couldn't do it. And the chief was pissed.

Like it was Arizona's fault the hospital was falling to literal pieces. Like it was her fault the peds department had been hemorrhaging surgeons for months. Like it was her fault Kenley dropped dead.

She was being torn every which way and she was just so tired.

She was ambitious. Being department head was in her ten year plan. Emphasis on ten year.

She knew she was a good surgeon, a great surgeon even. But she couldn't be everywhere at once, no matter how hard she tried. And every kid, every patient was important and Arizona felt like she was letting them down.

Arizona scrubbed her hand over her cheeks. There was just so much to do.

She didn't have time to have a breakdown.

She needed to pull herself together.

She needed to be a good man in a storm.

"Fuck," she sighed, dragging a hand through her hair. "Fuck." Her voice cracked and before she could stop it, a sob escaped her lips.

She let herself have a few minutes to just cry as if that might make things better. That's what her mom used to say, to just let it all out.

Her phone rang and she couldn't not answer it.

"Dr Robbins speaking," she was almost proud of herself for how strong her voice sounded. "How may I help?"

"Robbins! Always so formal, I've missed that."

"Afternoon, O'Neill," Arizona almost managed a laugh at the sound of Kate O'Neill on the other end of the line. "How's Vandy?"

"Oh, you know, state of the art, no explosions, more than two attendings in the department."

"Ha, ha, how nice for you."

"Would you look at that, baby bird's finally got some teeth, or would it be beak?"

A smile tugged at the corner of Arizona's mouth, the tension in her chest easing slightly. "How creative. Bird jokes."

"I could've gone for the state jokes if you'd prefer. It's not my fault your parents set you up. Now, tell me, really, Robbins, how's Seattle? Is it as bad as I've heard? Sorry about Kenley, he was a good… well, he wasn't the worst."

"A ringing endorsement." Arizona pinched the bridge of her nose. "Sampson quit."

"Sampson's a little bitch. Shit, does that mean you're the last man standing?"

"Yep, just me and the occasional resident who takes an interest in peds. Also, fun fact, apparently Kenley hasn't done the budget in months. And Webber is terrifying."

"Wanna come to Nashville? I'm sure I could swing something for you. Not department head, obviously, but still. We've got groundbreaking research, charitable programs. I'm sure if you don't win the Carter Madison at some point we could see about working on some sort of developing country-based pediatric surgery program. Also, have I mentioned the groundbreaking surgeries, Robbins?"

"Once or twice, yes."

"Have you ever seen pediatric cranio-facial surgery? Because I have. That's the sort of groundbreaking stuff we're doing here. And you know I have no time for plastic surgeons, but this one, wow, she's something else."

"Aren't you married?" Arizona teased.

"I am, but you're not."

"Did you call to offer me a job or to set me up on a date?" Arizona stood to her feet, leaning to one side to crack her back. She paused in front of the on-call room window, staring out into the rainstorm.

"Job offer, but I'm just looking out for you. Aw, crap, I've gotta run, Robbins. Think about it. And try not to stress out too much, it's fine to let go or let loose or whatever once in a while."

Arizona opened her mouth to respond, but the line had already clicked dead. "Nice speaking to you too, O'Neill," she said to the empty room. She dragged her hand through her hair, briefly noting the grocery list on the back of her hand. Her soulmate seemed to go to the grocery store every other day these days.

She was just so tired of everything.

For every success, for every happy ending, there was an equally devastating, heartbreaking moment.

Jackson Prescott survived.

But Rose Liu didn't.

And she could tell herself a million times that kids were resilient, that they tended to recover better and faster than adults, that the kids she could save almost made up for the ones she couldn't.

She could repeat those words endlessly. She could call McCale and he'd tell her the same thing.

Arizona tried constantly to remember the techniques from med school to detach herself from her patients and all their hopes and dreams and the lives they hadn't had the chance to live yet. She tried so hard not to pour too much of herself into her job.

But sometimes, sometimes it felt like she was already too late. She was already too broken and fractured and unable to be anything more than Dr Robbins with the fairy dust and dimples and magic.

Arizona's pager beeped and she had to keep going. She couldn't stop now. She had to keep going.

---

13 February 2009

Seattle, Washington

Callie hummed a bit to herself as she wandered into peds. She had a few patients she wanted to drop in on and honestly, she wanted to see if she could scope out the new peds head after listening to Bailey complain for the past thirty minutes. (And then grudgingly admitted she was alright.)

Plus, Mark was being whiny and dramatic about his penis (which was not a sentence Callie ever anticipated ever existing in her life). And he had his perfect, albeit secret soulmate looking after him. So he was probably okay now.

Callie had always both liked and hated the peds department. There was something charming and adorable about the wards decorated with kids' art and stuffed animals and softer colours than the rest of the hospital.

But so much sadness and grief hung over peds wards in Callie's opinion. Even more than almost any other ward in the hospital. There was something so unendingly tragic about these kids who might never get to grow up, to live outside of a hospital.

Callie shook herself a bit before she let her thoughts drift too far.

All too often these days her thoughts drifted towards gloom and doom. She wasn't blaming Mark and all of his soulmate crap and being happy and in love (but she was totally blaming Mark).

Everything just felt hopeless. Time and time again, it was clear she wasn't someone people chose, they always picked a better option; she was just temporary. And when she was younger, she was able to push through it because she had a soulmate. But she was almost in her mid thirties and it was all just… just hopeless.

Callie turned a corner and knocked into someone, barely even sparing them a second glance as she mumbled an apology.

Retrieving a chart, Callie ducked into a patient room to check on Tommy, an overexcited twelve year old who couldn't wait to show off his leg cast to his friends at school. Honestly, the only time she had seen him quiet and calm was under anesthesia.

As Tommy and his equally chatty parents peppered her with questions, Callie found some of her misery melting away. The Costas were just good, happy people and Callie needed more of that in her life.

"Doc, can I go home yet?"

"Thomas, be polite," his mother scolded with a smile.

Tommy sighed with all the exhaustion of a put upon twelve year old and rephrased, "Dr Torres, may I go home yet?"

"Tomorrow you should be able to. Someone from peds will come and do a quick check up, but from my side, I think you'll be ready to go home and then back to school."

"Sweet!"

"Thank you again, Dr Torres, for everything," his father said, offering Callie a hand. "I'm sure we were an annoyance at best, but you really have been wonderful with Tommy."

Callie squeezed his hand and patted it. "Of course, Mr Costa. I'd say I hope to see you again, but I really hope I don't."

The Costas reiterated their thanks as Callie stepped out of the room.

Callie drifted down to a counter to update Tommy's records so he'd be able to go home and show off his casts.

"... she's a fucking bitch and I'm not putting up with it anymore." Callie fought the urge to lift her head, staring intently at her paperwork. "I don't know who she thinks she is, but she's a goddamned child and she doesn't know what she's doing."

"Dr Merrill, wh-"

"And who is she to question my treatment plan? I've been practicing since before she was out of high school and she's telling me what to do? Screw her-"

Callie's pager went off and she fumbled for it as the man stopped speaking, apparently just noticing Callie standing there. She wasn't even sure who Merrill (apparently) was talking about, but like everyone, she loved hospital drama as long as it didn't involve her.

Callie bit back a curse as she read the message, already turning on her heel for the elevators.

Maybe she could circle back and try to figure out who he was talking about. Peds drama always seemed so messy because it was so rare. Which just made it that much better. And hey, as long as they weren't talking about her, what did she care?

---

15 February 2009

Seattle, Washington

"Dr Robbins, can you check my work?"

"Sure thing, Wallace, pass it over." Arizona waved for Wallace to hand over his homework, setting her own paperwork aside. One of these days she was going to have to work in Kenley's, no, her office. But today was not one of those days.

She ran her pen along the page, making an occasional correction, but honestly Wallace was one of the smartest kids she'd ever met, and she'd met a lot of kids over the years.

"Can I ask you a question, Dr Robbins?"

"Hm?" Arizona looked up from his work to find Wallace watching her curiously. "Oh, yes, of course, fire away." Wallace shifted in his bed, a surprisingly nervous look crossing his face. "Wallace, you know you can ask me anything, right?"

Wallace swallowed and nodded. He picked at a loose string on his blanket before asking, "Have you ever been in love, Dr Robbins?" Arizona froze, her pen hovering over the page. Wallace flushed a bit, glancing away from her. "You don't have to-"

"I have."

"Is it your soulmate?"

"No, uh," Arizona hesitated, "no, they weren't."

"Do you know your soulmate?"

"Not yet."

"I don't want a soulmate," Wallace said with a surprising amount of certainty.

"Really?" Arizona asked before she could stop herself.

Wallace tipped his chin up a bit and nodded. "I heard that it hurts really badly when your soulmate dies and I don't want to hurt anyone."

Images of Jane crying rose unbidden to her mind, her brother's wife constantly reliving the indescribable pain of losing her soulmate.

"Wallace, you're not, you're not dying right now. You're going to meet your soulmate and fall in love and be the best doctor the world has ever seen." Arizona just hoped she sounded convincing because she honestly wasn't sure if she was lying or not. Wallace was maybe her favourite patient, but he wasn't getting better no matter what she did.

Wallace hummed a bit in response, the melancholy in his expression far too old for a little boy and it broke her heart. "What does it feel like, to be in love?"

Arizona rubbed at the back of her hand as if that would will a message from her soulmate into existence. Her mind slipped easily to Joanne and how amazing it had felt at first, how special she had made her feel, until she didn't. Until she tossed Arizona away with a freaking letter.

"It's like… it feels like everything slots into place and the songs make sense and the world just feels better and, and, and you want to smile at everyone and everything because everyone should feel that way."

"Like a Disney movie?"

"Yeah, a bit like that."

"I hope you fall in love again, Dr Robbins."

"Oh, uh, thank you, Wallace."

"Did you two get all your homework done?"

Arizona shifted in her chair to see Bethany in the doorway. "We were just finishing up, just in time for dinner." Arizona leaned in towards Wallace conspiratorially. "And Betsy may just have a little treat for you." Wallace's eyes lit up and Arizona grinned back at him. "I'll see you tomorrow for rounds."

Bethany stopped her at the doorway to murmur a quick thanks, exhaustion and preemptive grief clear in her eyes even as she smiled. Arizona offered what she hoped was a reassuring smile.

Arizona inhaled a sharp, shuddering breath as she stepped out into the hallway. She curled her hand into a fist in her jacket pocket.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't fair Wallace might never get a soulmate or fall in love or grow up.

Arizona glanced down at her hand, maybe there'd be a message for her. But nothing.

Wallace's request for her to fall in love again echoed endlessly and Arizona wished it was that simple. It'd be nice to be in love again. She hadn't been lying to Wallace when she said everything seemed better.

Wholly unbidden, Callie Torres (who Arizona shamelessly Googled after New Years' Eve) flashed in her mind. Arizona had no idea what it was about her drawing her in, but she wanted to know more.

She hadn't seen her much recently, but anytime she did, Arizona couldn't help but watch her. The way she smiled, the way she laughed, the way she spoke to patients and colleagues and everyone, just everything about her was just… magical .

And Arizona wasn't even sure to do with her feelings, feelings she hadn't felt in a long time. She was so used to just feeling almost numb half the time, feeling disconnected and unmoored, and nothing she did seemed to change that. No matter how many women she slept with, how many surgeries she did, how many miles she ran, it was just… she wasn't even sure.

Arizona scrubbed a hand over her face. Maybe some day, Arizona would work up the courage to actually, you know, have a conversation with Callie Torres. Maybe she'd even manage to ask her out, after all, she did know Callie dated women too.

Some day, maybe, but these days she wouldn't exactly hold her breath.

---

18 February 2009

Seattle, Washington

Callie already regretted taking a shot. It was a freaking Wednesday. Who takes shots on a Wednesday?

People whose lives are a mess, that's who.

And Callie's life hadn't not been a mess since she met George practically.

And now she was celibate and Mark had a soulmate and Callie had never felt so alone.

Her hands had been almost strangely free of marks in the last few weeks and she wasn't sure how she felt about that.

Maybe it was the tequila talking, but Callie was so tempted to write to her soulmate and ask if they could just meet. Because at least then she'd know.

But at this point, she was increasingly disillusioned with even the concepts of soulmates. It so rarely worked out and she was tired of being hurt.

Callie blinked away the tears threatening to fall, wiping at her cheeks with a tissue.

---

18 February 2009

Seattle, Washington

Arizona fussed with the napkin under her drink, the condensation soaking through the paper. She let herself look over to where Callie was, her heart speeding up uncomfortably.

Callie looked truly so sad, like she might never smile again. And that was tragic in Arizona's opinion. Callie had a wonderful smile, or at least from what Arizona had seen from a distance. She was the sort of person that should always be smiling and happy.

But right now, well, Callie looked acutely miserable.

It tugged at Arizona and all she wanted to do was make her smile again.

Maybe if she just talked to her, let her know that she should know that people thought highly of her and if she needed someone to talk to or whatever, Arizona was interested? available?

Arizona blinked and Callie wasn't across the bar anymore. It took her a moment, but then she realized Callie was headed to the bathroom.

Arizona hesitated, picking at the bowl of chips on the bar.

Was it weird to follow a girl she's never spoken to into a bathroom? Not that weird, right?

Before she was even fully conscious of it, she tipped the rest of her drink down her throat and stood to her feet. Arizona smoothed her shirt down and tugged on the ends of her jacket, completely thrown off by the surge of nerves in her chest. Normally, she was smooth and confident and there were women lining up for her. But something about Callie Torres seemed to throw her off.

Maybe the second gin and tonic had been a mistake.

She tried to think of something, anything as an opening line in the short distance to the bathroom, but for the first time in recent memory, she couldn't think of something to say.

Almost in a daze, she found herself standing behind Callie and the words "Ortho, right?" fell from her lips.

"Yeah, hi."

"I'm Arizona Robbins, peds surgery. I've seen you at the hospital. You okay?"

"Yeah, no, I'm fine, fine."

"People talk where we work, people talk, a lot. So for the sake of being honest, I, I, I think I should tell you I know things about you. Because people talk." Arizona honestly wasn't even sure what she was saying at this point, it was just words and white noise and Callie still looked so sad.

" mean… terrific," Callie sighed and almost folded in on herself and that was the last thing Arizona wanted to do. She wanted to make her smile, not make her more uncomfortable.

"It is. The talk… people really like you over there. They respect you and they're concerned, and interested. They really like you. Some of them really like you." All Arizona could hear was her brother in her ear telling her to land the plane. "You just, you look upset. A-and I thought you should know that the talk is good. And when you're not upset, when you're over being upset, there will be people lining up for you."

"You wanna give me some names?"

Arizona paused for barely a second before the small impulsive part of her leaned forward, gently cupping Callie's cheek as their lips met. The kiss itself wasn't long but it sparked something warm in Arizona's chest.

She pulled back, watching Callie carefully. Pushing down the momentary swell of panic, Arizona said, "I think you'll know." She flashed her brightest smile at Callie, who looked mildly shell shocked, all wide eyes and raised eyebrows, but she was smiling. Callie smiled back at her and Arizona couldn't help the pride she had at making a pretty girl smile.

Unable to take her eyes off Callie, she walked backwards, holding her gaze until the last possible moment. Walking backwards was maybe not the best choice in retrospect, but she was pretty sure Callie didn't see her trip over her own feet in the hallway.

The contrast between the quiet of the bathroom and the noise of the bar jarred her a bit, bringing her abruptly back to earth. Almost unbidden, Arizona brushed her fingers over her lips, which still tingled slightly from the kiss. It had been brief but Arizona kept replaying it over and over in her mind.

Someone brushed past her, nearly knocking her off her feet and Arizona blinked.

Realising Callie likely would emerge sooner rather than later, and Arizona certainly wasn't ready for a more extended conversation with her, she hurried from the bar. She tugged her jacket tighter around her shoulders to ward off the Seattle chill. As she briefly regretted drinking too much to drive back to her apartment, she turned away from the warmth and light of the bar and headed towards home.

Part of her already dreaded the next time she'd see Callie and the inherent awkwardness of running into someone you kissed at work. She should've just asked Callie out, or even just introduced herself. But Callie looked so sad, and she wanted to kiss her so badly, and she just couldn't help herself.

As soon as she reached her apartment and collapsed back on the couch, she found herself dialling a painfully familiar number.

"Hey, you've reached Tim Robbins, I can't get to the phone right now, but leave a message after the beat and I'll get back to you soon."

"Hey Tim, sorry to bug you, but I met a girl…."

---

19 February 2009

Seattle, Washington

Maybe in the grand scheme of things, some random, surprisingly hot, unnervingly perky peds surgeon kissing her wasn't the most exciting thing. Arguably, Addison's day was far more exciting and distressing.

But who was Arizona Robbins, peds surgery, to say she knows things about her and that there would be people lining up for her and kissing her and saying she'll know? Who on earth was she? Callie was supposed to be swearing off dating and being celibate and mourning the tragedy of her love life.

Not getting butterflies over some peds surgeon who had, well, butterflies on her scrub cap. (Which Callie definitely didn't know because she snuck into the gallery of Arizona's surgery earlier. And Arizona definitely wasn't hot while she operated. Nope, not at all.)

"What's she doing?" Callie asked as she finally reached the entrance of the small hospital chapel where Bailey, Webber and a few strangers stood.

"She's praying."

Callie scoffed a bit, "Addison doesn't pray. She must be hiding."

"I can hear you," Addison called from the front of the chapel. "And I'm not hiding, I'm trying to pray, but I don't know how to pray because I'm a WASP and we only go to church on Christmas."

Callie suppressed a grin. At least something don't change. "You guys go, I got this." She made her way to the bench next to Addison. Addison seemed more frazzled than Callie could ever remember her being, far from the perfectly pressed, quick witted woman she normally presented.

"I have no clout with God. God doesn't even know who I am. Which sucks because I could… I could use some help."

In an all too familiar motion, Callie shifted her weight forward to the kneeler, folding her hands in front of her just like her grandmother taught her. "Dear God, I need your guidance. I kissed a peds surgeon." It almost felt like a confession, to who, she wasn't quite sure. Ever since she kissed Erica, she had been suppressing the small voice in her head telling her what she was doing was a sin and that voice sounded far too much like her old Sunday school teacher for her liking. She knew that it wasn't a sin, she had never really thought like that. But she was certain her parents, her family wouldn't feel the same way.

"You kissed a peds surgeon?" Addison asked, voice free of the judgement that Callie almost expected. Addison wasn't her family, she wasn't like that. She wasn't the voice in the back of Callie's mind.

"I never thought I'd end up with a woman, God, I mean, not until lately, but that's not the problem. The problem is the peds thing. She's, she's perky, and has butterflies on her scrub cap. But she's… also hot. Really hot. So, help me get over the butterflies? Amen." She crossed herself and that had to be one of the weirdest prayers she had ever made. Maybe she just needed to get it out in the universe. She sat back next to Addison, and said, "You're an amazing doctor, you save babies, God knows who you are."

"Do you really believe in all this? In God?"

Callie paused, mulling her words for a moment, before saying, "Sometimes. Most of the time. When it counts."

And that wasn't a lie. She wanted to believe in God, in a higher power, in her faith. But there was a growing part of her that was terrified she was going to lose that. And she knew that if she lost her faith, she'd be losing her family too.

"So, you're kissing peds surgeons?"

"Didn't you want to pray?"

"I want to be distracted. So distract me." Addison waved a hand imperiously and Callie stifled a snort. "Tell me about your peds surgeon, although I think I already know who it is."

Callie narrowed her eyes at Addison. "If you already know who it is, then you don't need to hear it from me."

"Torres, c'mon, my brother is dying and I can't think about the fact that my ex-husband is going to operate on him."

Callie sighed, and really, it was unfair how charming Addison could be. "It happened last night, at Joe's, well, in Joe's bathroom-"

"Classy-"

"Hush, and she was rambling, which was cute, and saying she had heard things about me at the hospital, which was less cute, because there's nothing good to hear about me here, but then she said something about people lining up for me, and then she kissed me."

Addison smiled softly. "You practically sound smitten. Maybe she's your soulmate," teased Addison, nudging her with her elbow.

Callie rolled her eyes. "I already know my soulmate's name and it's definitely not Arizona."

Addison pursed her lips while she shrugged. Then a wry sort of smile turned up the corner of her mouth. "Ha, I knew it was Robbins."

"Wait, you know her?"

"The peds fellow? Callie, you know how closely peds and OB work together, of course, I know her."

Callie frowned. "She's not a fellow. She's the head of department."

"What, did Kenley die? There's no way he'd ever leave." Callie choked on air at Addison's nonchalant tone. Addison's eyes went wide. "He's dead? You're serious."

"Dropped dead in a patient's room a few days ago. Wait, Arizona was a fellow when you were last here?" Was Arizona some sort of prodigy? To go from fellow to department head in a year? Well, Callie was essentially running the ortho department as a resident, so maybe they were well matched after all.

"She's one of McCale's, over at Hopkins, I think. She's pretty good too. Good with patients and parents from what I remember, but I don't know her well. She's cute, Callie," Addison said with a grin that made Callie want to melt through the floor. "You really do have a thing for blondes." Callie elbowed her gently. "Hey!"

"I don't have a thing for blondes. Erica's the only blonde I've ever dated and that was a train wreck."

"Mark used to be blonde."

"Maybe in the last century, but not since I've known him and for the record, Mark and I didn't date ."

"Mark doesn't date period. He sleeps around and causes trouble."

Callie bit her lip before she could spill Mark's secret. It wasn't her place. But she did want to be there when Addison found out not only was Mark dating someone, he was dating his soulmate who also happened to be Meredith Grey's little sister.

"So what's the plan with the butterflies?"

"Hm?"

"Your whole spiel about the butterflies. Are you and Robbins going on a date?"

Callie shrugged. "It happened yesterday. I haven't really had a chance to talk to her. Or, y'know, work up the nerve. I'm new at this."

"Dating? Really, are you sure?"

"Not the dating thing, the women thing. With Erica, we were already friends. We were figuring this out together. We were on the same page. I don't know anything about Arizona beyond the fact that she's a peds surgeon and there are butterflies on her scrub cap and she kissed me! That's it, that's all I know."

"Then you ask her on a date and get to know her. That's normally how dating works."

"Thank you for the update, Addison."

"I'm an infinite fount of wisdom. At least I can do something, help someone right now."

Oh right, there were more pressing issues than Arizona Robbins and her butterfly scrub cap.

"Addison, your brother's in the best possible care. Seattle Grace is one of the top hospitals and Shepherd is one of the best neuro specialists in the country. He'll figure it out."

Addison tipped her head back and if Callie didn't know better, she might have thought Addison was about to cry. "I know, I know. But it's just… everything with Derek is complicated. We were supposed to… and then… and I've been doing so much better with, with everything. LA has been good for me. As much as I love parts of Seattle, it was never… it was never my home. It just happened to be where Derek ran off to after…." Addison waved a hand vaguely. "After everything. I needed to not be here , around all of that, around Derek and Mark and Meredith and all of the mess I made."

Callie let out a dry sort of laugh. She wished sometimes that she had just left Seattle. She could've gone back to Miami, her parents would be thrilled, but she wouldn't. She could really go anywhere once her residency finished in a few months. But she did like Seattle, she liked Seattle Grace.

"And now my brother is dying. And Derek's the only one who can save him."

Callie offered Addison a hand, which she took gratefully. "Do you still want to pray for your brother?"

"Please," Addison said softly.

"Dear God…."

---

23 February 2009

Seattle, Washington

Arizona rubbed at the back of her hand as Julie spoke. Honestly, she wasn't even sure why she said yes. Julie was a friend of a friend of a friend and they'd been friendly whenever they ran into each other. So when she bumped into her at the grocery store, and Julie asked if she wanted to get a drink, she said yes. She couldn't get Callie Torres out of her head, but she knew it wouldn't be good for her to be involved with Callie.

She had tried it before. Dating newborns. Being the one they experiment with and everything's all bright and shiny and new until it isn't.

For all of college, she had been that girl. The one who girls sought out because they wanted to do something daring and rebellious. The one that people whispered about at parties.

And inevitably, she would catch feelings and get invested and get involved, only for it to be thrown in her face. For her to be told she was too much, was being ridiculous. That they aren't interested in her like that .

It was risky and Arizona didn't do risky. She couldn't do risky. She just couldn't.

No matter how pretty Calliope Torres was. Or how much she liked kissing her. Or how her smile pulled at Arizona like no other.

She didn't take risks and Callie Torres was as big a risk as she ever knew.

Julie wasn't a risk. She was safe and easy and not likely to break Arizona's heart. Unlike Callie Torres.

Arizona dragged her fingers over the all but faded pen marks on the inside of her hand. Her soulmate must have been tapping a pen or something on her palm. She seemed to do that from time to time. Maybe it was a nervous habit or something.

One of her patients said it was like having dalmatian spots.

"I have experience to give."

Arizona turned around and honestly, it was unfair of Callie to look that good.

The hair and the red and the leather jacket, and of course, the confidence that she had been slightly lacking before.

It was unfairly hot.

"Calliope…" she started, unsure why Callie was even speaking to her in the first place after earlier. She didn't think she had been mean, just direct.

"Life experience, like the fact that I was in the peace corps? Botswana. That's what convinced me to go to med school. And most recently, I've, uh, experienced the joy of cooking. Yeah. I make an excellent chicken piccata in addition to many other delicious meals that you'd be very lucky to experience yourself. And the fact that you can't open your eyes to see that makes you inexperienced."

Arizona couldn't help but shift on her feet, unsure exactly what she was meant to say to Callie.

She wasn't used to, well, all of this. She wasn't used to anyone pursuing her. She was the one who pursued because that was the safer option. It allowed her to have some semblance of control. She was the one who was making decisions and choices and she didn't need anyone else's validation.

But here was Callie Torres of all people, after Arizona had called her a newborn, basically telling her she had made a mistake. That she should have given her a chance.

And so much of Arizona wanted to have given Callie a chance. Because Callie was beautiful and smart and seemingly kind and caring. And she had bothered to track Arizona down and well, chew her out.

And she was on a date. With Julie. Who was nowhere near as interesting as Calliope Torres. Because Arizona had needed to distract herself and not be in the midst of the fact that she was supposed to be running a department. So she was on a date with Julie while Callie told her she had made a mistake. (Which these days, wasn't exactly a rarity.)

"Calliope," she started, and really, she had such a beautiful name. "This is Julie…. My date." And she knew that she was being flippant, but honestly, she wasn't sure how to act. Callie's smile faltered and Arizona hated it.

Callie let out a sort of self deprecating laugh that Arizona knew all too well. Her eyes darted between Arizona and Julie.

"Oh, uh, I'm just gonna… yeah…."

Arizona couldn't help but feel guilty as Callie turned away. She was the one who started all of this. She kissed Callie and then turned her down and went on a date.

"So that just happened…" Julie said with a laugh that hadn't been as grating five minutes earlier.

Arizona swirled her straw in her drink for something to do with her hands. She glanced back towards where Callie had retreated to, but Callie was gone. Guilt flared in her chest and she curled her fingers tighter around the glass. She should've said something more than that she was on a date. That was not… well, it just wasn't good. A voice that sounded uncomfortably like her mother supplied that it was rude.

Arizona offered a placating smile to Julie and a weak excuse before abandoning her drink and rushing up the stairs in hopes of catching Callie. She needed to at least apologise or something. She felt compelled to do something, to explain to Callie that it wasn't her, it was Arizona's own hangups.

Admittedly, she regretted leaving her jacket behind as she stepped outside. With arms wrapped around her in a poor attempt to stave off the cold, she glanced around for Callie. But the street was all but empty. She almost thought she saw her a block down, crossing the street, but Arizona wasn't exactly going to chase her down. That would be way too much.

She shivered and what was she thinking, chasing Callie out of a bar after she insulted her earlier and then had an insufficient response to Callie essentially confronting her? Why did she feel this pull to Callie, what made her special?

There was just something about Callie Torres that kept pulling her in.

Maybe Callie was right, maybe she had made a mistake earlier. Maybe she was the inexperienced one.

Considering her abysmal track record in relationships, that was probably true. She was the one night stand, experiment girl. Not the relationship, introduce to your parents girl. Every time she tried that, it blew up in her face. So what was the point in trying?

"Just… value yourself a bit more, yeah?"

That had been what Tim had said years ago, and she tried, she really did.

It was just, just hard. Hard to let herself try, let herself trust anyone, let herself be vulnerable.

And for whatever reason, Callie Torres made her feel incredibly vulnerable, and that was terrifying and exhilarating and she didn't know what to do.

There was just something about Callie Torres….

---

1 March 2009

Seattle, Washington

Callie was not fidgeting. She was definitely not fidgeting. She wasn't a fidgeter. She didn't fidget.

She smoothed her hand across her leg, brushing out any invisible wrinkles in her dress.

This was a mistake. She shouldn't have said yes to Arizona when she asked her out yesterday. She should've said no and forgotten about Arizona Robbins.

She glanced around the lobby to see if there was anyone she knew. The last thing she needed was it getting around that she had been stood up. Her eyes flickered to the clock. Arizona was almost thirty minutes late and she couldn't even be bothered to call or even page her that she was going to be late.

A nurse passed by and Callie knew that look. She was so used to that look. That was how everyone looked at her at the hospital all the time. Except for Arizona. Arizona didn't look at her like she pitied her. Arizona was different.

Except Arizona was supposed to be here thirty minutes ago and she wasn't. Arizona was the one who asked her out, after the debacle last week. Arizona was the one who had planned this and wanted this.

She wanted to melt into the earth. This was humiliating on every possible level and at this point, she thought she had a high tolerance for humiliation. She really wanted to like Arizona, but at every possible turn, things were a mess.

She thought Arizona was different. She really did.

But clearly not.

Callie drummed her fingers on the arm of her chair. She should just go home. She could even get herself a bottle of wine to wallow in self pity. Seriously, she was just going to be celibate. She flipped her palm up in hopes there'd be something from her soulmate, but it was just blank.

Thirty-five minutes. Arizona was thirty-five minutes late now and not a word.

After George, after Erica, she deserved a win. She deserved to not have things suck. But evidently, that was not in the cards.

Seriously, you know what, fuck Arizona Robbins and her stupid butterflies and stupid, annoying smile. Callie didn't need this crap after everything.

If Arizona couldn't be bothered to show up, if she was standing her up, then Callie wasn't going to wait around. She was better than that. She deserved better than that. And she had really thought Arizona would be different.

Chewing on the inside of her cheek to stave off any emotions, Callie stood to her feet. She gave Arizona a chance, a chance after she essentially insulted her and then watched Callie humiliate herself. Callie gave her a chance and Arizona blew her off.

With a straightness to her spine that she didn't feel she really deserved, Callie walked out of the lobby and into the misting rain of Seattle. She shivered slightly as the cool air hit her bare legs, and seriously, she had put way too much effort into this. She had tried and look where that got her.

"Calliope!"

Callie's shoulders lifted an inch and she continued on, not even bothering to glance back at Arizona.

"Calliope!" Arizona caught her elbow, pulling her to a stop. "I am so, so sorry. They're short handed and-"

"Look, Arizona, if you're not interested, we don't have to do this. I have better things to do. Like studying for my boards, or working on my research, or, I don't know, drinking. We'll just ignore each other and pretend this didn't happen."

"Calliope, please, I should've paged. And I know I messed up our date already, and I know it's not exactly dinner, but if you want to, I've got a trauma heading down to the OR now and-"

"Wait, so you stood me up, and now, what? You want me to scrub in on your surgery?" Callie scoffed and what was it about Arizona that threw her so off her game?

Arizona rocked on her heels, tugging her fingers through her hair. "I wasn't standing you up, I promise. I was getting ready and I got paged and it was chaotic, and I promise I wasn't standing you up. I didn't realise how late it had gotten. Really, I made reservations and everything. And, and, and you look really pretty right now." Arizona offered a hopeful smile and Callie couldn't help but be charmed. It was almost unfair how charming she was. "This is really not how I expected our first date to go, but maybe you'd like to scrub in with me?" Callie raised an eyebrow, even as a smile pulled at the corner of her mouth. "Not to rush you or anything, but I do have to get down there."

Callie glanced towards the parking lot and then back to Arizona with her dimples and wide, hopeful eyes. "Sure, I'll scrub in. But you still owe me dinner," she added with a laugh.

Arizona lit up with a smile. Callie could already tell those dimples were going to be dangerous. There was something about Arizona's smile that just felt like magic. It was warm and comforting and Callie wanted to see it all the time. She wanted to make Arizona smile and that was such a foreign feeling. She didn't feel that way about any of her past relationships. Hell, with Erica, a key part of their relationship was misanthropic.

"Give me a few minutes to change back into scrubs and I'll meet you down there."

"Awesome, awesome, right, yeah, I will see you down there."

It wasn't that Callie didn't normally like trauma cases, in fact, she kind of loved them. But there was a bit of extra excitement and sure, this was shaping up to be one of the better first dates she'd been on in a while. Even if she did think Arizona had stood her up for the better part of an hour.

"Torres, thought you had a hot date?" Mark asked as he fell into step with her. "With hot peds surgeon?"

"I did, I do. Well, kind of. She got a trauma case and I'm going to scrub in with her."

Mark's eyebrows rose and he laughed, "So it's not a date, it's just work."

"It so is a date."

"Are you gonna sleep with her then?"

Callie flushed. "I don't sleep with people on the first date."

"You slept with me."

"That wasn't a date. That was a hookup at best, and don't you have an intern to get back to?"

"That I do. Have fun with your working date, not date, Torres."

"Have fun with your intern girlfriend, not girlfriend!" She called after him as she tugged a clean scrub top on. She glanced in the mirror on her way out, and she looked good, it was almost wasted on a surgery. And Arizona thought she looked really, really pretty, which was all the validation she needed right now.

It definitely didn't hurt to see how Arizona lit up when Callie walked into the OR.

"Dr Torres," she said, her voice bright, "ready to get started?"

Callie grinned behind her mask as she stood across from her. "Let's do this, Dr Robbins."

Callie hadn't worked with Arizona before, and she wasn't sure what she was expecting of her surgical style, but she was impressed. She was meticulous and focused, but she also spoke about her patient with a gentleness other surgeons sometimes lacked. If she wasn't assisting, she probably could've just watched Arizona, learning her habits and little quirks.

Arizona made easy, familiar conversations with her scrub nurses, asking about their spouses, children, weekends, whatever. She was just steady in everything she did, in her voice, her hands, her demeanour. Callie felt drawn to her in a way that was utterly terrifying, unlike even George or Erica.

"Excellent work, Dr Torres," Arizona said as they stepped back, her eyes crinkling with a smile. "I know this isn't exactly your day to day."

"No, no, I had a good time, really. Definitely not the worst first date I've ever been on."

"Not the worst, hm? Normally, I don't settle for anything less than the best."

Callie laughed, leaning back against the scrub sink. "Right, type A, you mentioned."

"And competitive," Arizona added, her dimples out in full force.

"What good surgeon isn't?"

"You should've seen me as a resident. Competitive almost seems like an understatement." Arizona retrieved a watch, slipping it back on her left wrist. "Are you hungry? I know it's not exactly dinner, but do you want to grab a bite in the cafeteria?"

Callie wasn't ready for their non-date, kinda date, first date to end, so nodding was the easiest thing in the world.

As it turns out, the cafeteria did not have food at 12:30 at night, so they ended up camped out in an on-call room with vending machine snacks and a few packets of instant hot chocolate Arizona retrieved from the peds floor.

It was leaps and bounds better than yet another drink at Joe's or dinner with white table cloths and stilted conversation. Sure, it was a little awkward at times, but it was a first date, that was to be expected.

"So how long have you been in Seattle?"

Arizona spun a stirrer around her hot chocolate, her fingers moving in a steady motion. "Just over two years now. I was out in Baltimore before, at Hopkins. Admittedly, I was supposed to be back in Baltimore by now, but Webber made a good offer."

"Is it weird that I'm glad you didn't go back to Baltimore?" As soon as she said it, Callie wanted to sink into the floor. She wasn't going to do that anymore. She wasn't going to do the overeager, too much, too soon routine. For God's sake, it was their first date and she was saying stuff like that and she was going to freak Arizona out.

"Not at all," replied Arizona, "I'm glad I didn't go back to Baltimore either. I like Seattle, I like the rain, I like the people," she said with a meaningful look in her eye. "My parents hate that I'm out here. They live in Virginia, and would much prefer I was in Baltimore."

"My dad tries to talk me into moving back to Miami at least once every six months. You'd think he'd have gotten the hint by now."

"Miami? That's quite the change to Seattle."

"I did my intern year at St Mary's in Miami, and it was fine. And my parents were thrilled. But the ortho surgery program there isn't much of anything. I mean, my mother wanted me to go into dermatology, so there's that."

"Ortho suits you."

Callie couldn't help the defensiveness born of years of everyone belittling her specialty as she said, "What's that supposed to mean? That I couldn't handle something more intense?"

Arizona held her hands up in placation and Callie's eyes dropped to them automatically, seeking out any indications of Arizona's soulmate, but they were blank. "No, no, that's not it at all. You're creative and strong and I'm guessing you like puzzles? The way I see it, ortho is about helping people improve their lives. And from what I've heard, you're very, very good."

Callie knew her cheeks were burning as Arizona spoke, and she fought the urge to touch her face for fear of drawing attention to it. "Most people just see it as carpentry."

Arizona leaned in with a conspiratorial glint in her eye, her shoulder brushing against Callie's. "Most people think what I do is just babysitting."

"Most people are dumb," Callie said, "just because it's not cardio or neuro doesn't mean it's not important. I make people walk. You save kids."

"I did hear a rumor about some hot shot ortho resident making a man walk using therapeutic hypothermia."

"You heard about that?"

"How you went toe to toe with Shepherd and made a paralysed man walk? Yeah, I heard about that. I told you I know things about you."

"I thought you meant about the Vegas engagement and cheating and getting demoted from chief resident, not surgical stuff."

Arizona shrugged. "Sure, but I'd rather you tell me about that than hear about it from the hospital rumor mill, which is way too intense. You'd think people had better things to do than gossip around here."

"You'd think," Callie mumbled. She was so, so tired of being the subject of gossip and whispers. She just wanted to not be exciting, not be interesting to the general public. "Should I be concerned that I haven't heard anything about you?"

Arizona choked on her hot chocolate, her cheeks flushing. "Maybe I just keep my personal life out of the hospital. I mean, how many lesbians can there be in one hospital?"

"Are you-" Callie cut herself off, unsure if it was even appropriate to ask.

"Am I…?" Arizona prompted, her brow furrowed in confusion. "Oh, oh, oh , am I a lesbian?"

"Sorry, is that rude to ask?"

"I wouldn't go around asking people randomly if they're lesbians. I'm pretty sure someone would probably take offense at some point. But I don't mind. And to answer your question, yes, I'm a lesbian."

Callie fussed with a discarded wrapper, unable to meet Arizona's gaze. "And, and, and," she wasn't even positive what she was trying to say, and she was a little afraid of what Arizona might say. "It's okay… it's okay that I'm not?"

"Not?"

"A lesbian," Callie rushed out.

The silence seemed to stretch on for ages and Callie wanted to flee. But then Arizona reached out for Callie's hand, carefully threading their fingers together. "Calliope, do you like me? Are you interested in me?"

"Uh, yeah."

"Okay," Arizona said, shrugging one shoulder. "That's what's important. I know that this is all new to you. You don't have to know everything at once. Just… if, if you decide that this, y'know, dating women isn't for you, just let me know. I'd rather know." The soft vulnerability of Arizona's voice threw her. This whole time, Arizona had seemed confident and sure of herself, but not now. "If this is just an experiment, just… I mean, I really, really hope it's not. But just, yeah, just let me know."

Callie squeezed Arizona's hand, very much aware of how close together they were. "This isn't, I wouldn't have, I never thought of any of this as an experiment."

Arizona offered a smile which didn't quite meet her eyes and it tugged at Callie's heart. This wasn't an experiment. Sure, she was new at this dating women thing, but it wasn't an experiment. She knew she liked women. She knew she liked Arizona. She wanted to try and see where this went.

She knew Arizona wasn't her soulmate. She knew her soulmate wasn't a woman. She knew his name was Tony.

But her parents were proof enough that soulmates weren't the end all, be all.

She didn't need her soulmate to be happy.

And right now, sat on a crummy bed with a pile of junk food, talking with Arizona, she was pretty happy.

Callie inhaled a slow breath. She needed to calm down and not rush this. She needed to not be that girl again. The one who said "I love you" weeks into a relationship and nearly got married in Vegas. The one who jumped in too quickly and got burned every time. She needed to take her time. It was their first date. The furthest ahead they should be is whether or not they'll kiss at the end of the date, and whether they want a second date. (For the record, Callie wanted a second date and she wouldn't say no to a kiss.)

Arizona glanced down at her watch and bit out a quiet curse. "It's nearly two in the morning."

"What? Really? Wow, I did not think it was that late." Arizona yawned, stretching one arm above her head. Callie asked, "Are you working tomorrow?"

"Hm, yeah. You?"

"Yeah," Callie yawned, letting her eyes squeeze shut.

Something that might have been guilt flashed across Arizona's expression. "I didn't really anticipate, well, not having our date and then being out this late." Arizona yawned again, covering her mouth. "I should let you go and get some rest. I'm, sorry, I'm probably just going to spend the night here. No point driving home."

Callie shifted on the bed, leaning further back against the wall. On the one hand, it'd be so easy to just walk across the street and spend the night in her own bed and not some crappy hospital bed. She could even invite Arizona- nope, nope, that was way too much. Way, way too much. She was not ready for the implications. She and Erica rushed into sex because it was all new and they were fumbling through, but in retrospect, that had been a mistake. She needed to do better this time.

On the other hand, she really wasn't for this date to be over. She didn't really want to go home when she could just stay here with Arizona. It felt like a good compromise. They weren't going to have sex in an on-call room on their first date.

Callie glanced over at Arizona, her eyes half shut already. Yeah, she wasn't ready for this to be over.

"Makes sense," she said, her voice deliberately soft so as not to break the peacefulness of the moment. She squeezed Arizona's hand gently. There was part of her that desperately wanted to kiss Arizona. That was what you did after a first date, right? It wouldn't be out of line.

Callie shifted slightly closer to Arizona, who did look genuinely exhausted. She hadn't noticed it before, but now seeing her with her eyes half closed in the lowlights of the on-call room, she looked completely worn down. A spark of protectiveness caught in her chest and Callie wasn't sure what to do with it.

"Arizona?"

"Hm?" Arizona pushed herself into a more upright position, blinking a few times to focus on Callie.

"Can I kiss you?" Callie was proud of how steady her voice was, how sure she sounded.

Callie wasn't sure yet which of Arizona's smiles was her favourite, but this bright, easy smile was definitely up there.

"I'd really like that, Calliope."

By some miracle, her hand didn't shake as she reached forward to cup Arizona's cheek, her thumb idly brushing across her cheekbone. Callie exhaled a shaky breath, shifting closer to Arizona, who looked as eager as Callie felt.

Before her nerve failed, Callie closed the distance, kissing Arizona gently. She was careful to keep it soft and not overly long. This was supposed to be a good night kiss, even if there was a part of her that didn't want to pull back.

As they separated, Callie mumbled, "D'you mind if I do too? Or, or I can go, if you'd prefer, I don't want to-"

"I don't mind at all, Calliope," Arizona said, a soft smile on her lips. "Unless you-"

"No, no, I, uh, I want to, want to stay. I don't really, I don't want our date to end," Callie admitted, only reassured by the matching blush on Arizona's cheeks to her own.

"Me neither."

After a bit of rearranging and soft words and light laughter as elbows knocked into each other, Callie found herself half spooning Arizona, pressed against each other so they fit on the small bed. Maybe she was just exhausted, but she felt like they fit together nearly perfectly.

They murmured soft good nights, neither one of them awake enough to say much more.

Callie's last thought before she fell asleep was that Arizona was maybe, kinda perfect.

---

3 March 2009

Seattle, Washington

I met someone. I want to give it a chance. I'm sorry. Please don't contact me.

Arizona's heart ached and maybe it was for the best. Maybe it was better her soulmate made this decision, decided that they shouldn't try, that they weren't worth it.

Honestly, what had Arizona been expecting?

She fumbled through her lab coat for a pen, scribbling back Ok .

Ignoring the rising nausea, she rushed into a bathroom to scrub her hand off. That had to send a message.

Because her soulmate didn't want her. Of course, her soulmate didn't want her.

---

3 March 2009

Seattle, Washington

She had made the right call. It felt like the right call. It felt right. Maybe it was a little impulsive, maybe a bit rash. Well, probably rash.

But she was tired of waiting for things, being reliant on destiny.

She needed to live in the here and now. She was over waiting for someone who wasn't coming.

She had to look forward, not constantly wait for something that clearly was never happening.

---

7 March 2009

Seattle, Washington

Arizona tugged a hand through her hair as she headed towards Kenley's office, no, her office. Every time she thought she had gotten her head above water, something else happened. She was constantly getting pulled in a hundred different directions.

And now the chief, who had been badgering her about the fellowship program, was in a mood over Miranda Bailey's fellowship application.

Where was she supposed to conjure up a fellow from? Everywhere else had their fellows all but hired by this point and they were number twelve now. That wasn't competitive, especially not in peds. And she didn't have the weight to draw much interest. She had been a fellow only months ago, and now she was supposed to teach one? She could teach interns and residents, that she could manage. But now she had to build a fellowship out of nothing? And she was apparently crossing some unknown line with Bailey?

Every single decision she had made in the past month was somehow wrong.

Well, except for kissing Callie. That was one of the better choices she had ever made.

That was maybe the only thing going right in her life.

Considering her soulmate apparently was done with her, there wasn't really anywhere to go but up. She just had to keep telling herself that. Things had to get better, even if history had never proven that to be true.

She was just ready to go home and not be at the hospital. As soon as she finished her surgery, she had stripped out of her scrubs, desperate to just create distance from the hospital, even if she was still physically there.

With a far too heavy sigh, she pushed the door to her office open. It still felt creepy to be in a dead man's office and there was a part of her that thought he might be haunting it, which seemed like a really bad thing for a peds ward.

She flicked on the overheads and was greeted by a groan of, "who turned on the lights?"

Arizona definitely did not jump almost a foot in the air, not at all, that'd be ridiculous.

"Calliope?"

Callie pushed herself into a sitting position, rubbing at her eyes. "Hey, you're here."

"Um, yeah, it is my office after all."

"Which is very cool, by the way."

"Huh?"

"That you have your own office."

"Uh, okay, is something wrong? Are you okay?" She asked as she took in the dopey smile on Callie's face and the minor bird's nest in her hair.

"I wanted to see if you wanted to go to dinner. Like a date. Like, uh, right now, if you're off work."

"Have you been drinking?"

Callie winced a bit, running her fingers through her hair. "No, well, yes, a while ago. It's been a weird day, Bailey sent me and Hunt to the woods, and Shepherd is full on in The Bell Jar . The Chief yelled at everyone and I just really wanted to see you."

Arizona tipped her head to the side as Callie grinned up at her. "Bailey sent you to the woods?"

"Shepherd lives in the woods and you don't say no to Bailey." Callie shrugged as if that explained everything, which it decidedly didn't. "So, dinner?"

"Uh, yeah, sure, yeah, did you have somewhere in mind?" Arizona set her paperwork onto her desk, which already looked like it was ready to collapse. As it turns out, Kenley seemingly didn't believe in any sort of organisational system and she was barely chipping away at it.

Callie stood to her feet, leaning to one side to crack her back. "I was thinking Italian. Have you been to Tavolàta, over in Belltown?"

"I've walked past it a million times, but I've never been."

"Perfect," Callie said, her smile back in full force, "Uh, any chance you drove to work? Because my car is in the woods, probably getting crapped on by birds." Callie pouted and Arizona was impressed by how adorable it was. "Shepherd's gonna owe me money for a car wash or something."

Arizona couldn't help but laugh at Callie's indignant tone over the possibility of her car getting dirty. "I'm sure he can swing that for you."

"D'you need a hand with anything?" Callie asked, rocking on her heels a bit.

Arizona looked around her office for a bit, trying to gather herself. Callie really was unfairly distracting and just being around her made Arizona's head a bit cloudy. "Um… I have one thing to drop off for a patient, and then I should be good to go."

"Sweet," Callie said, "For the record, I think this should count as our second date."

"Oh yeah?"

With a slight edge of confidence that Arizona thought may be driven by alcohol, Callie nodded and said, "Yeah, we technically did have dinner last week. And you said it was a date then, so yeah, it counts as a date, making this our second date."

"Clearly, you put some thought into this."

"I was going to ask you out today. But then Bailey and the woods and McDreary interrupted my plans."

"McDreary?"

"Shepherd, the residents call him McDreamy but he's all gloomy and dreary now. Sloan's McSteamy." Callie shrugged as if that was enough explanation. "I think it has to do with the hair."

"McDreamy and McSteamy, huh? Do you have any nicknames I should know about?"

Without a moment of hesitation, Callie replied, "Callie O'Malley."

Arizona choked, spluttering out a cough. "What?"

"After the whole Vegas almost-wedding, Karev, do you know Karev? He's one of Bailey's." Arizona nodded, but it didn't seem like Callie was much paying attention. "He realised that I'd be Callie O'Malley and thinks it's hilarious. Which, it kind of is. In retrospect at least. Karev's an ass most of the time, except for when he isn't. Sort of the opposite of George who seems like a good guy until he isn't."

Arizona wasn't entirely sure what the appropriate response to Callie's rambling about her ex beyond smiling and nodding. She was curious about Callie's past to some extent, but she didn't want to have Callie regret telling her about it because she was tipsy when she did so. She knew she'd hate to be rambling about Joanne to Callie this early on, but she also had long passed the drunken rambling phase with Joanne.

"I just have to run this down the hall to a patient," she held up the marked up workbook she and Wallace had been trading back and forth. Callie followed after her, falling into step as they walked towards Wallace's room. "I'll only be a minute. I just promised Wallace I'd give him corrections on this."

Callie offered a soft smile as she said, "Don't worry, I'll be out here."

Very much aware of Callie's eyes on her, she stepped into Wallace's room.

"Dr Robbins!"

"Good evening, Wallace, Bethany. I have homework for you."

"Evening, Arizona," Bethany said, helping Wallace into a sitting position.

"I just wanted to drop this off before I head home." She passed the workbook to Wallace, who accepted it eagerly.

Wallace flipped through it, his eyes wide with delight. "Thank you, Dr Robbins! Mom got me a new show about the American Revolution, if you want to watch with me."

"Aw, I'm sorry, Wallace, but I need to head home." She flushed a bit as she watched Bethany's eyes flicker to Callie waiting outside. "You two have a good night."

"Have fun, Arizona," Bethany called after her knowingly.

"Ready to go?" Callie asked, her hand twitching at her side as if she nearly reached for Arizona before thinking better of it.

"Yep!"

"So, do you usually help your patients with homework?" Callie asked as they headed towards the elevator.

"Uh, no, well, yes, kind of. Wallace, he, he's been here on and off for nearly two years now. Short gut syndrome. He doesn't go to school, and his parents are doing everything to keep things normal for him, so I help him with math and science. He's a really good kid."

Callie leaned back against the wall of the elevator. "That's pretty cool of you. A lot of surgeons don't think about their patients like that."

Arizona shrugged, way too aware of the blush on her cheeks. "It's different in peds, y'know? They're kids and they're stuck in the hospital, so whatever I can do to help." She knew that peds was different from other specialties, that it was okay to be invested in her patients. But sometimes she worried that she was too invested, that she came across as too soft for a surgeon.

"Really, it's cool. So many people here are more worried about if they get to cut, when they get to cut, that they forget that there's a person there." Callie rocked on her heels a bit and for a split second, Arizona wondered if she was going to fall over. "Maybe it's different in ortho too because so much of it is elective and I get to really talk to my patients." The elevator came to a stop and Callie seemed to lose her train of thought. "Have you ever kissed anyone in one of these elevators?"

Arizona choked a bit. "Uh, no, have you?"

"No," Callie said far too nonchalantly. "I've just heard, something about the elevators being magic or cursed or something."

"Huh, that's news to me."

"Maybe it's only magic for Shepherd and his perfect hair."

"Okay then…."

"I promise I'm not crazy," Callie said as they walked towards the entrance, their hands almost brushing together. "Just a bit tipsy. Which is a good thing."

"Oh yeah?" Arizona asked, gently directing Callie towards her car. "Why's that?"

Callie hesitated for a moment before saying, "I was nervous. Nervous about asking you out, even though I know we agreed on a second date. But, y'know, you-"

"I said no before," Arizona finished for her, guilt settling in her stomach. She knew why she said no and she felt that it was more than valid. But it also hurt that she hurt Callie in some way.

"Yeah," Callie sighed, "and I want this to work. I really do."

"I do too, honestly. I know, I know I turned you down before, and I, I have my reasons for that," Arizona trailed off, unsure how much she wanted to say, how vulnerable she wanted to be.

"See, this is totally a silver lining to Bailey bullying me into going to the woods," Callie said matter of factly. "We're going on a second date, and I bet we'll even make it to a real dinner this time."

"Again, I am so sorry about that. I promise I had a real date planned-"

"Arizona, really, it's fine, we had a good time, I had a good time."

Arizona tossed her bag into the backseat of her car as Callie climbed in the front seat. She tried to scan through the car quickly for anything she wouldn't want Callie to see, mainly her cigarettes. She was fairly certain they were in the glove box, or the emergency kit her dad had insisted on putting in her car himself. Not that he would approve of the cigarettes, but what he didn't know wouldn't hurt him.

Her car, which had been Tim's before he married Jane, had certainly seen better days, but Arizona didn't know anything about cars and she really only used it for going to and from work so she didn't really mind.

Callie, though, apparently, knew something about cars as she went into great detail about the car she had left in the woods. Arizona just smiled and nodded. The most she knew about cars was that they were expensive to fix when they broke, but Callie was listing off models and numbers, so, so many numbers. So Callie knew about cars.

It was barely even a fleeting thought, but Arizona just knew Tim would've gotten along with Callie.

Maybe she should call Jane and tell her about Callie.

It was starting to almost feel like a mantra, but there was just something about Callie.

---

10 March 2009

Seattle, Washington

"No, c'mon, Arizona, you bought dinner last time. And I asked you out. And I picked this restaurant."

"Calliope, it's fine, I can- Did you, are you waving at the waiter? Seriously, I can pay-"

"I insist. Really, it's no trouble. I haven't paid for one of our dates yet. Arizona, I'm serious, put your wallet away."

"We can split it."

"This is a date, we're not splitting the bill. I may not know how all of this works, but I know you don't split the bill on a date. Unless this has suddenly become not a date?"

"No, no, it's a date, unless you don't want it to be a date?"

"I want it to be a date. That's why I asked you out. Hi, yes, just on this card. Do not take her card-"

"Cal-"

"Thanks!"

"You're ridiculous."

"Admit it, you like me."

"Yeah, I guess I kind of do."

---

25 March 2009

Seattle, Washington

Arizona knew Callie was being sweet and thoughtful and everything, and she was just so excited about it all. And Arizona really didn't have the heart to offer any actual honest feedback on her cooking. Because her mother raised her better and she was fairly certain it would not do her budding relationship with Callie any good.

But, God, was her cooking bad.

There was somehow too much and too little lemon. The chicken was drier than anything Arizona had ever had. And she really hated capers.

And she was never going to tell Callie that.

"Wow, you must have really been starved," Callie said as she gathered their plates.

Arizona laughed a bit, mainly because she wasn't sure what else to do. "It was really great, Calliope, really," she said, lying through her teeth. But Callie's smile made it all worth it. "Do you mind if I use your restroom?" She had to get the taste of capers out of her mouth as quickly as possible. Callie nodded, pointing her towards it. Maybe not her finest moment, but she borrowed a bit of mouthwash from Callie. She was pretty sure there was dessert so Callie wouldn't notice if they kissed.

And Arizona really hoped there would be kissing.

Things had been progressing slowly and Arizona was totally okay with that, even if they hadn't really discussed it yet. She didn't want to mess this up. And she knew that Callie had been through a lot in her last few relationships and was a bit gunshy.

Normally, Arizona dove in quickly and got out just as quickly. She was good for a few dinners, drinks, maybe even a hike, but after that, once they slept together, Arizona lost interest.

She really didn't want to do that with Callie.

Checking herself in the mirror briefly, she headed back out to Callie, where she found her moving about the kitchen, singing along to the radio. Arizona paused, letting herself just observe Callie for a few seconds. There was something just so effortlessly beautiful about her. She seemed to pull all the light in the room around her and Arizona couldn't look away.

Callie turned towards her, her smile, which was maybe the most beautiful thing Arizona had ever seen, lighting up her face. "Hey, you ready for dessert? I made pot de creme. You like chocolate, right? Because I'm not sure we should keep going if you hate chocolate."

Arizona laughed and she felt lighter than she had in ages. "I like chocolate, don't worry," she said, joining Callie in the kitchen. Callie stopped in front of her, her gaze flitting down to Arizona's lips briefly. "Ca-"

"Here," Callie said, passing her a small bowl, their fingers brushing together. "We can eat on the couch."

After Callie joined her, carefully sitting just far enough to avoid touching, Arizona felt like she was 16 again, blushing every time Ava smiled at her, a constant bubble of nerves and excitement trapped in her ribcage.

Callie watched her intently as she took her first bite, and Arizona was pleased to say Callie was much better at desserts than chicken. "It's great, really great, Calliope." A hint of a blush coloured Callie's cheeks and Arizona so wanted to brush her fingers across them.

"Really?" Arizona nodded, swirling her tongue over the spoon. "Thank God, I was so worried. I've never really cooked a dinner for anyone else like this before. Well, Cristina steals my food sometimes, but I don't think that counts."

Arizona's cheeks almost hurt from how much she was smiling. "I'm… I'm always happy to try your cooking." And she wasn't totally lying through her teeth, she just maybe never wanted that chicken piccata again. "And, and, you should come over to mine and I can return the favour," she offered. Maybe she could gently redirect Callie's seasoning instincts, which were wildly off.

Callie grinned back at her, shifting slightly closer naturally as she set her empty bowl down. Their knees brushed together, both watching closely to see if the other would move first.

It'd be rude not to kiss her host, right? The corner of Arizona's mouth quirked up at that line of thought. Arizona was nothing if not polite.

Callie glanced away, her bangs falling in her eyes.

Impulsively, Arizona reached forward to tuck them back behind her ear, her fingers lingering along Callie's jaw. Callie met her eyes, amusement and desire mixing in her dark eyes. Arizona closed the distance between them before she could second guess herself.

The kiss started gently, chastely even, both careful not to push too much.

But then, somehow, at some point, Arizona ended up straddling Callie as one of Callie's hands skated under her shirt, fingers warm against her spine. Arizona ran her fingers through Callie's hair as she pulled back for a gasp of air.

Callie looked up at her, eyes dark and lips swollen. She swallowed in between breaths. "Good?"

"Yeah, yeah," Arizona breathed out, already leaning back in. She was taking things slow, being mature. But she also really wanted to kiss Callie, and taste Callie, and feel Callie against her. As she slotted her mouth against Callie's, Callie's fingers twisted in her hair, tugging gently. Arizona swallowed back a moan. Moaning would be a bridge too far, the small part of her mind capable of logical, reasonable thought argued.

When this whole mess started, Callie had seemed tentatively, more than willing to let Arizona direct things, but now she was more comfortable, and more than willing to fight Arizona for that bit of control.

Callie nipped at her bottom lip, even as her lips curved up in a smile.

"Yo, Torres! You have a room for a reason!"

Arizona yelped as Callie bit down on her lip in surprise. Instinctively, Arizona turned around to see who she presumed was Yang, Callie's roommate, and oh, great, Owen Hunt. Hunt, for his part, kept his eyes averted and dragged Yang towards her room.

Callie groaned, tipping her head back against the back of the couch. "I am so, so sorry," Callie mumbled as she dragged a hand over her face. "I didn't… I mean, yeah…."

"So, that's Yang?"

Callie nodded. "That's Yang. She's, hm, normally, well, no, I'd say she's normally more polite, but she's really not. You'll experience her at some point."

"Experience her?" Arizona asked with a laugh.

"That's the best word for her. Crazy smart and talented, but uh, very intense."

"And her and Hunt?"

"That's new, I think. Honestly, we don't really talk a ton. But if it makes you feel any better, she's still probably gonna like you more than Erica Hahn."

Arizona raised an eyebrow at Callie, suddenly very aware she was still straddling her. She extracted herself from Callie's lap, perching on the edge of the couch. "Wow, Calliope, way to make a girl feel special."

"That's not… that came out wrong. Erica and Yang just did not get along at all." Arizona bit her tongue from providing additional commentary on Erica Hahn. Somehow, despite her breakup with Hahn, she doubted Callie would appreciate the snark. "And you're not, you're a lot nicer, ugh, I'm just gonna stop talking now."

Arizona pressed a kiss to Callie's cheek. "I'm glad I'm nicer than Erica Hahn."

Callie lolled her head to the side to look at Arizona. "Still, I'm sorry about Yang, or whatever," she trailed off, her cheek flushing as she waved a hand around. "That was, we were…."

"Yeah, it was…." Their eyes met and they both burst out laughing.

As their laughs slowly subsided, Callie perked up. "I love this song." She stood to her feet, offering Arizona a hand. "Wanna dance?"

---

26 March 2009

Seattle, Washington

Callie stared up at the ceiling of the chapel, unable to shake the guilt that had settled in her chest when she first heard about Izzie Stevens' diagnosis. She had tried to work up the nerve to go to confession, but then she'd have to confess about how she liked women, how she really liked Arizona and thought about kissing her all the time.

Callie brushed her fingers over her lips. Last night had been… overwhelming and amazing and kind of perfect. She was pretty sure they would've stopped regardless of Cristina interrupting them, pretty sure. Because Callie wanted Arizona, like really wanted her, but she was also terrified of rushing into things. And Arizona was experienced. And Callie had slept with Erica and kissed a random woman at a bar and made out with Arizona. That was the extent of her experience with women and she was afraid once they actually had sex, Arizona would remember why she didn't date 'newborns'.

Shaking her head a bit, she tried to refocus on why she came into the chapel in the first place. Right, praying for Izzie. Because she was an awful person who wished her dead and now she was really dying and she might die in surgery.

"There you are," Arizona breathed out, looming over Callie.

"How'd you find me?"

"Would you believe me if I said I was just that good?" Arizona laughed, the sound almost like a balm on Callie's discomforting guilt, "Admittedly, I checked a lot of other places before here." Arizona sobered slightly as she said, "I heard about Stevens' surgery. I was in the OR before Shepherd. And well, it's really all anyone's talking about around here. And I thought this might be tough for you. And I also really just wanted to see you."

Callie smiled softly at Arizona, unable to suppress the hope and affection in her chest. "Thanks." Arizona sat on the pew in front of Callie, watching her carefully, almost like she was studying her, weighing her words and reactions. Callie rolled onto her side to better see Arizona. "I wished Izzie Stevens would die," before she could stop herself the words were out of her and Arizona blinked. "I wished her dead every day of every week for I don't even know how long. I woke up every morning wishing Izzie Stevens would die. And now…. What kind of person wishes someone would die? What kind of doctor… just knowing how things happen… what kind of doctor wishes…."

Callie had just been so hurt, so humiliated when everything fell apart with George. They were engaged, they were supposed to be getting married, and he chose his pretty blonde best friend. It wasn't even like they were soulmates. George just wanted Izzie more. And Callie was terrified that there would always be someone who was better than her.

"Are you in here, right now, praying for Izzie to die?"

"No, I'm praying for her to live," Callie mumbled half into her arm. And that was really the truth. Izzie didn't deserve to die like this. She was a good, caring, kind person, despite Callie's problems with her.

Arizona reached a hand over the pew, her coat sleeve catching on her watch. Callie took it, the contact reassuring. They sat like that for ages, Callie wasn't even sure how long, until Arizona got paged.

Arizona squeezed her hand. "Page me if you need anything." Callie nodded. "I'm serious. I don't have any more surgeries scheduled today. Or if you want to go for a drink, or, or," Arizona cut herself off, a blush creeping up her cheek. "Or whatever," Arizona looked away from Callie, clearly a bit embarrassed by her words, her eagerness. But Callie was touched by it. There was something reassuring, something gentle about the way Arizona wanted to be around her.

As Arizona started to leave, Callie twisted around to call after her, "Thank you, really, Arizona. Thank you."

Arizona smiled, her dimples popping through, and Callie's heart clenched. "Any time, Calliope."

---

4 April 2009

Seattle, Washington

Arizona couldn't help but smile against Callie's skin as she pressed a kiss to her collarbone, her skin warm and sweet smelling. Part of her was tempted to leave a hickey, to mark Callie as hers in some way, but she wasn't sure how much Callie would appreciate that.

Callie moaned gently and Arizona could listen to that sound a hundred times over. Her fingers tangling in Arizona's hair, Callie pulled Arizona up for an insistent kiss.

One of Arizona's hands came up to gently cup Callie's cheek, her thumb sweeping across the swell of her cheekbone. The other skated along Callie's ribcage, their shirts long since abandoned.

It had all started innocently enough with a hike in Discovery Park after Arizona casually mentioned she'd never been hiking and Callie had been horrified and insisted they go. That was all well and good and it was fun because as Arizona had discovered, pretty much everything with Callie was fun. They had goofed around and taken pictures and played twenty questions. But then as they were walking back to Arizona's car, the heavens opened up, drenching them both.

And so they had retreated back to Arizona's apartment, with Callie borrowing some clothes while hers dried.

And somehow they had ended up making out in Arizona's bed, both half dressed.

And Arizona really couldn't get enough of Callie.

Arizona's fingers brushed against the band of Callie's bra and her self control was hanging on by a thread. She wanted so much with Callie, she wanted everything.

As if she sensed Arizona's momentary distraction, Callie rolled them over, her leg slotting between Arizona's. Arizona was very much not prepared for the move and the sudden, perfect pressure. Unable to stop herself, she whined into their kiss, pulling Callie closer.

Callie grinned into the kiss, clearly proud of herself.

Callie pulled away slightly to kiss down Arizona's neck, mirroring her earlier movements. Arizona whimpered as Callie left a hickey along her collarbone, just barely in a spot covered by her scrubs. Apparently Callie didn't have the same qualms or hesitations about marking Arizona and she was not in any way complaining.

"That okay?" Callie asked, her voice slightly deeper and raspier than usual, which went straight through Arizona.

"Uh, yeah, totally okay, super okay," Arizona managed, blinking a few times more than necessary as if that would remove the haze from her thoughts.

Callie grinned, all teeth. "Awesome," she said knowingly and Arizona really wasn't sure where all this confidence was coming from, but it was hot.

Not one to be outdone, Arizona dragged Callie into a kiss, wasting no time in dominating the kiss. This time, it was Callie who whined, and Arizona who grinned into the kiss. While Callie rolled her hips against her, Arizona couldn't help but reach for her ass, which was barely covered by the pair of shorts she had borrowed.

"Fuck, Calliope," she groaned, her head falling back against the pillow, "I want you." The words fell unbidden from her lips and she barely even registered what she had said until she felt Callie freeze against her. Lifting her head slightly, she found Callie staring at her like a deer in headlights and Arizona's heart sank.

She knew that look.

That look was the 'sorry, I have a boyfriend' look, or the 'this is just for fun' look, or the 'actually, I'm not really into girls' look, or the 'I just wanted to experiment' look.

She kind of wanted to throw up.

In one move, she pushed Callie off of her and climbed out of bed. Feeling completely exposed, she reached for the first shirt she found, which somehow already smelled like Callie, even though she had only worn it for a little while.

"Arizona, what…. I…." Callie trailed off, running a hand through her dishevelled hair.

Arizona wrapped her arms around herself, barely looking at Callie. "I think you should go."

"What?"

"I said I think you should-"

"Erica's the only girl I've had sex with, and I know I'm not the second girl you've slept with, and I don't want to do something wrong…" Callie trailed off, looking away from Arizona, her cheeks still flushed and her lips still slightly swollen.

"Wrong? Callie, you, you can't do something wrong."

Callie laughed and it sounded so wrong, cold and self-deprecating in the worst way possible. "Of course you think that-"

"What's that supposed to-"

"Erica's the only girl before you and we were figuring things out together and honestly, the sex wasn't the greatest I've ever had. Like not even top five. I'm pretty sure I had bar hookups that were at least as good… that's not the point. The point is, uh, the point is that…." Callie scrubbed a hand over her face, evidently unaware or uncaring that she was still in her bra, which was mildly distracting at best for Arizona.

"We don't have to rush this. I want you to be ready, Calliope."

"It's not that I don't want this, want you."

"Hey, hey," Arizona said, her voice soft as she moved to sit on the edge of the bed. "We, I, we may have been moving too quickly. There's no rush. There's no deadline. We'll get there eventually, when we're ready, when it's right. So we'll wait."

Callie watched her carefully, chewing the inside of her cheek. "We'll wait," Callie repeated, nodding more to herself than to Arizona, "For the record, I'm still into the kissing, just maybe keeping it at a junior high makeout levels. I'm just not ready for," Callie waved a hand around, "rounding the bases."

Arizona choked on a laugh. "Rounding the bases?"

"Touchdown? Getting the checkered flag? A three-pointer? Game set match?"

"Oh my God, you really are in ortho."

Callie poked her in the ribs. "Hey, what's that supposed to mean?"

Arizona couldn't help but laugh at the indignant look on Callie's face. "Orthos are all into sports."

"Oh, no, I'm not sporty at all. I just work with lots of athletes."

"Mhm," Arizona hummed, "again, you orthos are all into sports. Hence, all the sports metaphors. Way to live up to stereotypes, Calliope."

"You have freakin' cartoons on your lab coat and a pink scrub cap. Who's the stereotype now?" Callie grumbled, the grin on her face betraying her.

"So I should get you a scrub cap with little footballs on it? Or, oh, I know, a pirate themed one."

Callie rolled her eyes. "Very funny. Really, you're hilarious." Callie ran a hand through her hair and Arizona was transfixed. "Orthos and bones. Classic. I've never heard that one before."

"I could go back to teasing you about all your sports metaphors for sex if you'd prefer."

"Or we could go back to making out."

"Even better."

---

15 April 2009

Seattle, Washington

"Please don't take this the wrong way," Arizona's head snapped up at Callie's words, and in retrospect, she probably could've phrased it better. Wincing a bit, she said, "No, it's just that my dad's coming to town and I don't know if we're, if he's, if I'm ready-"

"Calliope," Arizona started, and Callie really didn't understand how she could make her name sound so charming. "I understand."

"You do?" Callie breathed a sigh of relief.

Arizona squeezed her head reassuringly, warmth spreading to Callie's chest. "Of course I do. I know this is a big deal for you, for your family. And anyway, even if there wasn't the whole coming out part to contend with, wouldn't it be way too early to do the whole 'meet the parents' thing?" She finished with a light laugh that went a long way in calming Callie's fears of offending her.

Come to think of it, Callie really didn't know too much about Arizona's family in the first place. Sure, they had discussed the occasional childhood anecdote, but Arizona was very good at asking questions and Callie, well, she could be a bit of an oversharer. She knew Arizona's dad was demanding and strict from the bits Arizona had said, and that her mom had stayed at home. And she knew she had a brother and a niece and a nephew, but that was more from the pictures in Arizona's apartment than from things Arizona told her.

Arizona was right. It was still too early for all of that.

"No, no, you're right. I just didn't want you, want you to feel like I was, I dunno, hiding you or something." Even though they had talked through the sex thing and Arizona had been very understanding, Callie couldn't quite shake Arizona's initial reaction, that flash of insecurity and hurt, the way she had immediately curled in on herself.

"I wasn't going to think that, for the record. Like I said, it's early to meet your dad. And it's not like he knows about me or even about you dating." Callie nodded in agreement, playing with Arizona's fingers across the table. "See, no issue here. How long is he in town?"

"Just overnight. He's here for business too. And I'm sure to check up on me. He… he was concerned after the whole George," Callie waved her free hand around, "situation. Not that he was thrilled about George in the first place. More like he actively disliked him I think. My mom liked that George was Catholic though. I don't suppose you're Catholic?"

Arizona choked on her coffee as she laughed, "Definitely not. Y'know, I'm not sure I've ever even been to church outside of weddings," Arizona paused, "or funerals, I guess."

"Please never tell my mother that. She'd, well, crucify you and then try to baptise you."

Arizona looked like she wanted to say something, but then thought better of it, instead taking a bite of her breakfast sandwich.

It was only then that Callie realized how serious that sounded, that Callie wanted her parents to like Arizona, to accept her. But that was the thing about Arizona. Callie wanted those things with her more than anyone else she had ever dated.

"I'll try to avoid it," Arizona finally said, her voice purposefully light. "What time is he coming to the hospital?"

Callie grabbed Arizona's wrist to check her watch. "Uh, not until like midday. I may have told him I have a surgery this morning and that's why he couldn't come until midday. It's not that I don't want to see him, I just…."

"Hey, you don't need to explain to me," Arizona said, "I get it." Despite her lack of elaboration, Callie could tell she really did understand and that was more than enough for Callie in the moment. "Bailey's coming in to watch a fundoplication. I really need her to get and subsequently take this fellowship. And I'm pretty sure Webber does not want that to happen, which feels very contradictory to all of our semi-scary meetings about 'the state of the peds department,'" Arizona said with exaggerated air quotes and a poor imitation of Webber. "We're twelfth. Twelfth, Calliope. Not even top ten. In peds, that's like, that's like, I don't know, seven hundredth."

Callie knew Arizona was genuinely stressed about her department, she had sat with her through many late nights as she tried to fix, well, everything. But she was also pretty sure Arizona was just trying to distract her. She was good at that, making everything just less bad . She always seemed to know when Callie needed someone to talk to, or just someone to distract her.

"Bailey wants it, right?" Callie had her doubts about Bailey's move to peds, but she was pretty sure that would not be helpful to Arizona in this moment. Arizona nodded, chewing idly on her cheek. "Okay, then that's good. Webber loves Bailey. She's Bailey. He'll make sure she gets it. And you'll have the world's most competent fellow. Although, I will warn you. I'm not sure if she'll listen to you. She has a, hm, healthy disrespect for attendings."

Arizona snorted. "I'm well aware. She went and complained to Webber the first day we met. Something about me being immature and thickheaded. And don't you dare agree with that, Calliope."

Callie laughed as she held her hands up. "I wouldn't dream of it. I'm just warning you that Bailey will probably be the least fellow like fellow."

"Have you considered any fellowships? I know you said Webber promised you an attending spot here. But really, you could go anywhere."

Callie shrugged, picking at the cardboard of her coffee cup. "First I have to pass my boards."

Arizona squeezed her fingers gently. "You will. I've been studying with you and you know everything inside and out. Really, you're brilliant, Calliope."

Callie knew her cheeks were burning but she was resolutely ignoring that. "Thanks," she tucked her bangs back behind her ears. "I don't really want to do sports medicine. Or at least not specialise in sports medicine. Y'know, I've never met anyone in sports medicine I've particularly liked. Zero innovation, and all pushing for people to get back into activities before they're ready. And honestly, not that exciting. Maybe in like fifteen years after I've done everything there is to do in ortho, and there was a sports team I wanted to work with, but not likely."

Once she ended her small rant against sports medicine, she glanced over to Arizona, finding her watching her intently. She did that often, watch intently, like she was studying her, or memorising her. It was, like much of Arizona's habits, endearing.

"There aren't many people who are that passionate about their field. You're lucky." Arizona's dimples showed through and Callie melted. "Honestly, my fellowship was sort of just being an attending, except the attending could dump work on me. So more like being a resident. But that was the point. That's why McCale told me to come to Seattle, to get experience without him holding my hand."

"I don't think Chang's ever held my hand," Callie said with a grin. "Probably for the best. I think I stress him out. Too much innovation and not enough following the book. And not being like an actual dinosaur."

"Should I mention that to him in the next department heads' meeting? 'Hey Chang, have you tried not being a dinosaur?'"

"Absolutely not. He's still technically head of the department."

"Yeah, but no one calls him if they can avoid it. I for one always try to call this hot ortho resident." Arizona flashed her most charming smile Callie's way and Callie totally, definitely did not fall for it.

"You're awful, you know that, right? Completely awful."

Arizona shrugged a shoulder, her grin never faltering. "So I've heard." She glanced at her watch, sighing. "I had better get going. I've got that fundoplication and a million other tiny humans. And Jessica, the little girl with Tay-Sachs I was telling you about? She's… I honestly don't think she's going to make it another week and I don't know how to help her dad understand that. No matter how many times, how many parents, families, I tell, it never gets easier trying to help them understand there's nothing more to do."

"I'm so sorry, Arizona," Callie said softly. "I don't have any surgeries scheduled today, so if you need to talk, or just want someone to sit with, or grab coffee, lunch whatever, page me."

Arizona smiled again, but this time her dimples remained hidden and it didn't reach her eyes. "Thanks. Uh, that means a lot. I'll be okay though. It's just, just part of peds. One of the worst parts, but a part nonetheless." They sat in silence a few minutes longer until Arizona finished her coffee and looked regretfully at her watch. "We should probably head over."

As they crossed the street from the cafe to the hospital, their fingers tangled together so easily, slotting together perfectly. Warmth bloomed in Callie's chest, despite the early morning chill. Arizona made her feel… made her feel, she wasn't even sure. But it was different than everyone who came before her.

Before they entered the hospital, Arizona came to a stop, turning to face Callie, her face half-lit by the light of the hospital and the sun just beginning to rise. She brushed Callie's hair away from her face, her hand lingering. An unbidden smile came to Callie's face as she just watched Arizona studying her for a moment. Without a word, Arizona tugged at the front of her jacket, pulling her in for a kiss.

Callie's smile remained intact as they separated.

"What was that for?"

Arizona shrugged, her dimples on full display. "Nothin'. I just like you."

Callie was pretty sure her smile didn't falter for much of the morning, at least until her father turned up.

She loved her father. She really did. He was a great dad. Overbearing, sure. But he was a great dad and he supported her through everything. He paid for so much, he made sure her dreams became reality. He loved her through everything.

But maybe he couldn't love her through this.

If only, for once in her life, she could just not talk . Just keep her mouth shut. Keep her thoughts to herself. Write 'em down and forget about them. Whatever dumb stuff people say.

Instead, almost in an out of body experience, Callie found herself introducing Arizona to her father.

Introducing Arizona, to her father.

What was wrong with her? Had she been dropped on her head as a baby?

Arizona, to her credit, seemed almost unphased, almost.

"And I really hope you draw the line at throwing women against walls," Arizona said, that brittle smile of hers on display as she offered a hand.

Callie stared in almost horror as her dad stared at Arizona for the longest moment, as if he was really considering throwing her into the wall like he had done with Mark and George moments prior.

"Daddy…." Callie started, proud of how little her voice wavered.

Her father just held up a hand, effectively shushing her.

Arizona's eyes flitted between the two of them, discomfort and nerves subtly apparent.

"Um, I'm gonna go. Sick, very sick children to see. Uh, Mr Torres, it was, er, nice meeting you. Calliope, Callie, I'll, I'll see you around."

As Arizona hurried away, Callie could've sworn, out of the corner of her eyes, she freakin' heelied away.

But Arizona's unfortunate choice of shoes was the least of her concern.

First and foremost, her almost catatonic father.

She opened her mouth to speak, but her pager went off, a blessing or a curse, she wasn't sure at this point.

Callie had hoped the chaos of the ER would be enough to scare her father off, but he just followed her, standing mutely in the doorway.

"I'm saying I'm happy. When have you ever heard me willingly admit that?"

"When you lived at home. With your mother and me," he finally spoke and so much of Callie wanted to yell at him. "You were happy then."

"Yeah, well, I was twelve. It didn't take much."

"You'll fly home with me today. I'll talk to the chief and explain the circumstances." As if that was a perfectly normal and not completely psychotic thing to say, he leaned in to kiss her cheek.

"What? No. No. Dad, no. I'm not moving back home."

"Don't worry. Everything's going to be okay."

As if she had told him she was dying of a fatal disease, or was having a limb removed, or had decided to, to, to, she wasn't even sure what.

"E-everything is o-okay," she called after her father, even though he was probably halfway down the hall by now.

What the fuck had just happened….

So much of the day felt like a dream, no, a nightmare. It had started so perfectly, and now, now she and her father, her father who she loved very much, who was supposed to love her no matter what, now they were yelling at each other.

"...and what about your soulmate, mija? What will he say about this, this, this…." He trailed off with a disgusted wave of his hand, apparently unable to find words to describe her relationship with Arizona or even her bisexuality as a whole.

"Daddy, I'm thirty-three. I haven't found my soulmate and I don't plan to at this point. You're the one who told me I don't need my soulmate to be happy! You told me that!"

"So what, you love this, this woman?"

Callie reeled back. No, she didn't love Arizona. She barely knew Arizona. But she cared about her. She saw a future with Arizona. She thought she could love Arizona at some point.

"We've only been dating for a few months! And that's not the point! The point is, the point is that I'm not waiting around for someone just because of some stupid thing in the universe! I'm going to be happy and you should want me to be happy. And Arizona makes me happier than anyone has in a long time! Don't you want me to be happy, Daddy?"

He stared at her for what felt like the longest time, his expression entirely unreadable. "You aren't happy, Calliope. You say this is happiness? Impossible."

"You don't know anything! You don't know me, and frankly, I don't know you."

"Either you come home, Calliope, or I will take your trust fund. You won't see another cent of my money."

"Fine! I don't want it. I'm not coming home. That isn't my home. I don't need your money, or you. You can go."

---

15 April 2009

Seattle, Washington

Arizona scrubbed a hand over her face as if that would make her presentable enough to leave the small room she had been hiding in. She wanted to go home and hide in her bed and block out the rest of the world. She was just emotionally exhausted by the whole day.

She was trying to be supportive of Callie, trying to be a good, well, she wasn't sure what they were. She had sat with Callie as she cried, and somehow managed to not cry herself. But now that Callie had gone home, Arizona felt like she was falling apart again.

This wasn't the first time someone had accused her of giving up, of letting their child die. But it never hurt less. It always cut deeply and left her gasping for air.

She tried so hard. And so often, more often than she could sometimes handle, it wasn't enough.

Calliope Torres [11:44 PM]: just got home see u tmrw 4 coffee?

Arizona Robbins [11:46 PM]: yes! sleep well!

Arizona sighed to herself. At this point, there wasn't any point in driving back to her apartment. She might as well just sleep in one of the on-call rooms.

---

20 April 2009

Seattle, Washington

11:31 AM

"You've reached the voicemail of Lucia Torres. Please leave a message. For urgent legal matters, please call 305-555-1820."

"Hey Mom, it's Calliope. This is, uh, the fifth message I've left you. Today. Clearly, you've talked to Dad. But I really need to talk to you. I want to talk to you. This is important. I, uh, crap, my phone's about to die. I love you-"

11:36 AM

"You've reached the voicemail of Lucia Torres. Please leave a mess-"

"Hey Mom, me again. Found a charger for my phone. I don't know if you're actually listening to any of these messages but… but… I really need my mom right now. Give me a call please."

11:39 AM

"You've reached Lucia Torres at Torres, Lewis and Perez. If you need a quick response, please contact my assistant Brian Mitchell and I'll be in touch by EOD tomorrow. If it's not urgent, leave me a message with your name and number. Have a great day."

"Mom. It's Callie. Call me back."

11:42 AM

"Lucia Torres's office-"

"Hi Brian, it's Callie-"

"Sorry, I'm getting another call-"

11:50 AM

"Hi! You've reached Aria. Leave a message after the beep and I'll get back to you when I can."

"Aria, it's Callie. You know, your sister, Callie. The sister who you're apparently ignoring. I thought you were better than this. Just… just give me a call back, okay? I need to talk to you, or any member of my family. Since you're all ignoring my calls, because what? Because Dad said so? Because I'm dating a woman? Because I'm not self-centered and don't care about the money? Whatever."

11:52 AM

"Hi! You've reached Aria-"

"Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled. I just…. I really need to talk to someone. I thought we were better, Aria. Clearly not."

12:20 PM

"Sonja Perez speaking."

"Aunt Sonja? Hi, it's Callie. Have you spoken-"

"To your father? Yes, yes, I have. I think it's best we don't speak. Please don't call again."

---

26 April 2009

Seattle, Washington

"I'm not going to lie to my family."

"Uh, hello to you too, Calliope. Would you like to come in? Oh, you're already coming in."

Callie whipped around to face her after she paced the length of Arizona's living room. "I don't want to lie to my family. I don't want to sneak around and hide this, us, you, me, whatever, you know what I mean." Callie's lip wobbled a bit. "D'you have anything to drink?"

"I think I might have some beer? And a bottle of wine someone gave me for Christmas?" Arizona refrained from offering any hard liquor, figuring Callie would appreciate that in the morning.

"I'm not picky right now."

"This feels like more of a wine moment," Arizona commented, already pulling the bottle from her fridge as Callie collapsed back on her couch. "Have you eaten?"

"Yeah, I grabbed some food at the hospital."

"Oh good, because all I have are Pringles. I really need to go grocery shopping. I keep forgetting and I'm never home, so…" She trailed off with a shrug as she poured the wine and offered it to Callie. "I have no idea if this is any good." Callie mumbled her thanks before tipping her glass back, drinking nearly half of it. Her nose wrinkled a bit. "That bad?"

"Hm? Oh no. I just normally drink red."

Arizona made a mental note to buy red next time she was buying alcohol, which admittedly was not that frequent these days.

Arizona perched on the edge of the couch, unsure how much or how little space Callie wanted as she stared despondently into space.

"I'm serious though."

"Hm?"

"I don't want to lie and hide things from my family. Either they accept it or they don't. That's, that's their loss," Callie hiccuped a bit, betraying her emotion. "I don't need them. Right?"

"Calliope… I… you shouldn't have to lose your family."

"No." Callie shook her head. "I'm not losing anything. They're the ones who are losing something by, by, by," Callie paused to sip at her wine. "Whatever. Just… whatever."

Arizona wasn't sure what the right thing to say was, so she remained silent, which she knew was not the right thing to do either.

Part of her wanted so badly to ask Callie where she factored into this decision. She wanted to understand why Callie would burn all these bridges with her family for someone she was just dating. It felt like so much and Arizona wasn't sure if she wanted to be Callie's reason or not.

Obviously, there was the grand romantic nature of Callie choosing Arizona over her family, choosing her when she really shouldn't, when she wasn't her soulmate. Callie made a comment early on about knowing her soulmate's name, and how she didn't like him very much anymore. Arizona again wasn't sure how she felt about that. How was she supposed to feel? Flattered, concerned, elated?

She had tried to push her soulmate from her thoughts over the past two months, and Callie was a great help in that regard. When she was with Callie, she didn't feel lonely . And not in the normal way of not feeling lonely. No, when she was with Callie, she felt lighter, she didn't feel like the weight of everything was pressing in on her. Somehow, Callie made things better for her. And selfishly, Arizona was glad that Callie seemingly had no interest in finding her soulmate.

Maybe that made her a bad person. She really wasn't certain.

"What did you do at work today?" Arizona's head snapped to the side at the sound of Callie's voice. Callie had slumped back against the couch, her head lolling to the side to look at Arizona. "I need to think about literally anything else until I've had more wine."

Arizona mirrored Callie, relaxing back against the couch as she spoke about her day, practically running through every possible moment from start to finish. "I don't actually know what happened with the little girl in the ER. She wasn't too badly hurt, but her dad… I heard he was shot nearly 20 times. Awful, just really awful." Callie hummed in response, her eyes slightly glassy from the wine she helped herself to. "How about you, what about the girl in the tree?"

"Her sister started calling her Willow." Callie topped up her glass. "Her sister accepted her whole tree name thing and started calling her Willow."

"I tried to go by my middle name once. Well, a nickname of my middle name. I wanted to go by Cece. It didn't really catch on."

"Cece?"

"I was fourteen and starting high school."

"Still, Cece? I really can't see that for you. Arizona suits you."

Arizona ran a hand through her hair, gently tugging through the knots. "Thanks, I think. But again, I was fourteen and didn't exactly love being the kid with a state name. Are you really telling me you never tried to change your name?"

Callie shrugged. "I've always been Callie, not Calliope. Only, only my parents, my dad really called me Calliope. And substitute teachers. They never knew how to say it. But even when I was little, I was Callie. I think it was more because Aria couldn't pronounce Calliope."

Pushing aside the twinge of guilt that she hadn't really told Callie about Tim (it was too soon, it was way too soon on so many levels), she said, "It really is very pretty though. And unique. It's good to be unique." Arizona wished she could just stop talking, but for some reason, every time she was around Callie she lost all semblance of a filter. "You're unique, Calliope. In a really good way."

Callie grinned at her, her eyes lit up with amusement, and that was almost worth the burn in Arizona's cheeks.

"Unique?" Callie asked, and Arizona nodded, not trusting herself not to say something ridiculous. "Hm, I like that. Better than the weird girl chewing her hair in the back of the classroom."

"You were not."

"Oh, I so was. I guarantee we would not have been friends in high school. Let me guess, you were popular, probably in sports, were you on prom court?"

Arizona couldn't help but laugh. "Oh absolutely not. I played some sports, and I had friends. But I definitely wasn't popular. I went to junior prom with Scott Beaumont, his major selling point was that he had good abs."

"Did he?"

"Huh?"

"Have good abs?"

"I don't think I ever even saw his abs. I wasn't exactly interested in him, y'know with the whole lesbian thing." Callie raised her nearly empty glass in recognition. "But no, I was, I wasn't a total nerd. I wasn't a mathlete or anything, or chess club, that sort of thing. But I also definitely not popular. I just wanted to do my homework, do well in my classes and go to school. I knew by junior high at least that I wanted to be a doctor, so I was pretty single minded."

"I still bet we wouldn't have been friends. I was… not particularly sociable."

"Me neither," Arizona offered. And she really wasn't trying to placate Callie or anything. She absolutely knew she would've noticed Callie, even when she was still trying to ignore the fact that she liked girls and would've done almost anything to just be normal.

Callie's bottom lip jutted out a bit in a pout, and Arizona quickly leaned in to kiss her, unsure what exactly had come over her. But it seemed well worth it when she pulled back and Callie was smiling again.

"Fine, we would've been kind of nerdy together," Callie conceded, her voice and eyes soft.

Arizona smiled her brightest smile, still close enough to Callie to count her freckles. "I'm so glad you realized I was right, Calliope." Callie reached forward to tuck Arizona's hair back behind her ear, and all Arizona could think about was how much she wanted to kiss Callie, how much she wanted Callie. But now was not the time for that. Not when Callie was so fragile.

So Arizona pulled away, settling back on the couch with just enough distance between them.

She couldn't remember the last time she was so constantly aware of herself around another person. She felt like she was back in high school, always mindful of where her hands were, where she looked. Except, the thing was, Callie wanted her too. Callie wanted her to touch her. But Arizona didn't want to rush her and she knew how delicate everything was for Callie right now. So she was careful and mindful and letting Callie set the pace as much as possible.

"D'you want a beer?" Arizona offered after checking that the wine was finished off.

"Sure, why not," Callie said with a lazy smile. She seemed happier than when she had first shown up, which Arizona was going to take as a win.

As they sat together, idly chatting, and drinking the slightly awful fall themed beer Arizona didn't even remember purchasing, Arizona wanted to freeze in this moment, in its warmth and easy comfort.

"I'm about to say something really pretentious."

"Oh yeah?"

"Mhm, it's my right as a fallen heiress."

"Heiress?"

"I miss my parents' wine room. It's filled with all these fancy bottles of wine and champagne that my mother could tell you every detail of. She can tell you about the grapes and the region and the notes and the year. Every time my parents travel, they bring back a bottle of wine, or a case. My dad says it's like having a memory in a bottle. Which I always told him was cheesy, but it's actually very sweet. Especially because my parents aren't soulmates. My mom's soulmate died when my sister was a baby. I don't think they have the most traditional relationship, at least because they're not soulmates. But I really don't think soulmates are the end all be all. I think you can fall in love with anyone regardless of what the universe says. You don't need a soulmate to be happy. You need someone who buys a bottle of wine to remember special moments with you."

Arizona swallowed against the lump in her throat. She wasn't in love with Callie, or anywhere close to falling in love with her. But she wasn't so naive to think it could never happen. She knew herself and she knew Callie was exactly the sort of person she'd fall in love with.

"So you don't know your soulmate?" Arizona asked, surprising even herself, watching Callie's reaction carefully.

Callie shook her head and Arizona stopped herself from breathing out a sigh of relief.

"I know his name."

Arizona fought against any reaction as Callie spoke, "His name's Anthony or Tony. We don't… we haven't really… yeah, I don't know him." Callie's eyes were far away, evidently lost in some sort of memory or maybe even regret.

Arizona chewed on the inside of her cheek, debating whether or not to tell Callie her soulmate had said she didn't want to speak anymore. It was… it just felt so personal. It felt too personal, too exposed. It also felt like it'd just be Arizona unloading her own problems on Callie, who already had so much going on.

She had never really spoken about her soulmate with anyone. Some people did, but she was never that person. It wasn't that she was ashamed of her soulmate or anything like that. She had just always felt that talking about her too much would make everything impossible. As if talking about her too much, thinking about her too much would create some sort of jinx, dooming them forever.

Even though her soulmate's request to not speak hurt, Arizona was almost relieved. It was easier to not have to live up to a lifetime of expectations.

"What about you?"

"Hm? Oh, not really, not for a while now," Arizona said, mindful to keep her words vague. She didn't want to lie to Callie, not openly at least, and she technically didn't. Arizona set her beer down, and pulled Callie's legs across her lap. "You're right though, you don't need your soulmate to be happy."

Callie nodded, lost in thought, her fingers twisting around the bracelets she always wore. For a moment, she looked like she wanted to say something, opening her mouth, but then closing it again.

"Do you have a favorite wine?" Arizona asked, desperate to break the heavy moment that had fallen between them.

"What?" Callie blinked a few times before refocusing on Arizona. "Hm, there's this red, a Malbec from Cahors. I think the vineyard is Baldès. I've had it a few times, but not recently." Callie's eyes closed briefly as if remembering the wine. "What about you?"

Arizona laughed lightly. "White wine. I'm really not very picky about it. Maybe a drier white, not overly sweet."

"And apparently pumpkin beer," Callie said.

Arizona poked her leg as she said, "I'm not even sure when or why I bought that."

"But you did technically buy it, given that it was in your fridge. I keep trying to get into the beer culture here. You'd be shocked at the number of crappy beer tasting dates in Ballard I've been on with guys who are more interested in software engineering and IPAs."

"Calliope, I don't know how to break this to you, but lesbians and bisexuals do beer tastings too. And I bet there are even some who like software engineering. I have a friend who's a project manager at a tech company, and come to think of it, she also likes beer."

"How about we make a deal to not go on beer tastings because let's be real here, most beer is not that good."

Arizona offered her pinkie to Callie. "Deal."

"I'm holding you to this, Arizona."

---

2 May 2009

Seattle, Washington

Callie wasn't a resentful person. She wasn't. But she was slightly, no, more than slightly, resentful of the intern who had paged her 911 over something that was really not an emergency.

Normally, she was more than happy to ensure interns didn't majorly fuck something up.

That was normally.

Right now, though?

Half an hour ago, Callie had been making out with Arizona, well on their way to do more than make out.

Callie so appreciated Arizona taking things slow and letting Callie set the pace for things. But now she was ready and it had been months since she last had sex.

The last person she had sex with was Erica. Erica. Who left in 2008. A whole year ago. Well, not technically a year ago, but last year.

And Arizona was hot. Like really, really hot.

And Callie wanted to fuck her, or have Arizona fuck her. Whatever. The sex was the important part.

Callie exhaled slowly as she stepped on the elevator in her building. She'd only been gone for a bit and Arizona was a doctor, she understood how this went. It wasn't exactly the first time either of them had been paged away. It was the first time Callie's hand had been in Arizona's pants when it happened though.

As she stepped off the elevator, she collided with someone, just barely managing to catch them before they both fell.

"Oh, hey, Calliope. I thought you'd still be at the hospital. I just got paged." For her part, Arizona looked how Callie felt: thoroughly put out.

"Oh," Callie sighed, her shoulders slumping.

"We'll try again some other time, maybe on a night where neither one of us is on call," Arizona offered, a hopeful smile playing across her lips. "Maybe end of next week?"

The end of next week sounded like a lifetime away, but it was probably the best they could do. Except there was Grey and Shepherd's wedding, which she wasn't sure why she was invited to. Probably something to do with not ratting them out during prom.

"There's just Grey and Shepherd's wedding on the fourteenth, otherwise, I'm free. Are you going to the wedding?"

"I wasn't planning on it-"

"Come with me? Please?"

Arizona beamed at her. "I'd love to, Calliope."

"Great. Awesome. Yeah, cool, okay." Callie couldn't help her presumably stupid smile. Not that anyone going to that wedding was under any delusions related to her disastrous personal life, but it'd be better with Arizona. She just knew that.

"I'll see you around, Calliope."

Arizona always said her name like it was something precious, like she was something precious. And if she didn't say it enough, Callie would disappear.

Callie wanted to hear her say it a million more times.

Arizona brushed a gentle kiss to Callie's lips, and it wasn't enough. But Callie was coming to the realisation that she always wanted more with Arizona. And somehow, that didn't completely scare her.

---

13 May 2009

Seattle, Washington

"Just the check when you have a chance." Arizona knew she sounded dejected, pathetic even. Which was good, because that was exactly how she felt.

Callie wasn't even looking at her anymore. Not that she had for most of the date. No, Callie had chosen to stare at the menu for the longest time, and then give Arizona clipped, one-word answers, and at one point, essentially just ignore her.

It was humiliating. And it hurt.

Arizona tried, she had really tried. She knew how stressed out Callie was lately between work, her boards and the situation with her family, which Arizona still felt partly responsible for.

She didn't even know why she tried. She wasn't exactly used to any of this, the actual planned dinner not at a bar, the relationship with any level of potential, taking a relationship serious enough that there were actual dates.

She had wanted to treat Callie, to woo her, as her brother used to say.

She spent the past week calling around restaurants in Seattle to see if anyone carried the wine Callie had mentioned a few weeks ago, and then once she found one, practically begging the maître d' for a reservation. Hell, she had even broken out her admittedly rusty French. And it wasn't exactly cheap either. Arizona wasn't broke, anymore at least, but she also didn't usually spend this much on a meal.

But Callie kept taking her to nicer places for the past few months, and always insisting she'd pay since she was the one who chose the restaurant. So Arizona wanted to take Callie to the sort of place she seemed to like.

And she'd bought a new dress, the tag currently digging into her hip.

Honestly, she just felt ridiculous.

She wasn't sure who she was playing at, but clearly, she failed.

And she was drunk.

Callie was right, that wine was really good. Not that Callie had touched the half glass their waiter had poured over an hour ago.

Considering she was spending over a hundred dollars on the wine, Arizona felt obligated to keep drinking, and she only slightly regretted that. At least the wine was dulling some of the awkwardness, or at the very least, Arizona's perception of the awkwardness.

Callie looked bored and uncomfortable, constantly shifting and looking anywhere but Arizona.

She had thought Callie was excited for the date. It was supposed to be the date. She had planned it out so carefully. And apparently, she had done something wrong.

Arizona pushed some of her food around, her cheeks burning as she stared down at her still full plate. The food, which was really some of the best in town, just tasted like nothing to her.

The waiter returned after what felt like an eternity with their check. He placed the bill in the middle of the table, glancing uncertainly between the two of them and their heavy silence.

Callie wordlessly reached for her wallet, her eyebrows pinched together in a frown.

"I got it, Calliope. My treat."

"You don't have to do that," Callie said, her words uncharacteristically sharp. "I can pay."

Arizona waved her off, pulling the check towards herself. "No, really, I planned tonight, I'll pay."

Callie's frown remained unmoved and Arizona wasn't even sure if Callie was aware of it herself. Maybe it was just Arizona, but she still thought Callie looked beautiful as she frowned. She preferred her smile, but there was no denying Callie's beauty.

As she signed the check, Arizona could feel Callie watching her, something she normally enjoyed. Tonight, though, it just felt heavy and disquieting.

She really didn't understand what she did wrong. Clearly she did something to bother Callie in some way. But she had no idea what.

Arizona followed Callie out of the restaurant, neither one speaking. Callie folded her arms around herself, pulling her jacket tighter around her like armour as she faced Arizona. It was hard to tell in the faint street light, but Callie almost looked regretful.

As a last resort, Arizona asked, "D'you want to come over to mine for coffee? It's not too long of a walk."

Callie rocked on her heels a bit. "Uh, I'm supposed to work early tomorrow. In the ER."

It sounded like a lie and Arizona knew it was one. Arizona had checked their schedules, had had a whole conversation with Bailey about Callie's schedule.

But clearly, Callie wanted to go home. And not with Arizona.

And who was Arizona to stop her?

Some bitter, awful part of her reminded her how Joanne had pulled sharply away right before she left.

"Oh, okay, yeah, of course. I don't want to keep you then."

"I can give you a ride if you want," Callie offered.

"I'm good. The walk's nice." The last thing Arizona wanted to do at this point was prolong this experience. Better to just end the night and be done with it. Callie clearly was.

Callie bobbed her head a bit and Arizona wanted to be anywhere but standing on this sidewalk with Callie.

"Have a good night, Calliope," she said, and she was proud of herself for not letting her voice betray her hurt. Arizona pressed up on her toes to press a kiss to Callie's cheek. She closed her eyes for the briefest of moments before quickly retreating. Without another word, she turned away from her, walking as quickly as her frankly ridiculously uncomfortable shoes would allow her.

Once again, what had she been thinking?

She just felt wholly ridiculous.

Callie was different. She was supposed to be different. Arizona had made an exception for her. She had broken her own rules for her. And what, Callie decided she wasn't worth the trouble?

She didn't understand how they could go from making out in on call rooms and talking every day to the most uncomfortable dinner she had ever had. She must have done something to upset Callie, right?

Nothing was really all that different from their previous dates. Except for the fact that Callie barely spoke to her and Arizona basically drank an entire bottle of wine on her own.

Letting herself into her apartment, Arizona kicked off her heels as soon as she crossed the threshold, abandoning her purse and coat similarly.

She sank onto her couch, burying her face in her hands. Her head felt like it was spinning and she wasn't entirely sure if it was the wine or the awful date.

And she had to work tomorrow. And she knew it was a busy day. Honestly, what was she thinking? She wasn't twenty-five anymore.

Arizona groaned, pinching the bridge of her nose. She was so dumb sometimes.

Arizona stared at her hands, almost wishing something from her soulmate would appear. But there hadn't been anything in weeks, months even.

The sound of a siren passing by broke her out of her reverie.

Tomorrow would be a new day, that's what her mom used to say.

Carefully stripping her dress off so the tag wouldn't fall off, Arizona glanced briefly at the dress she had for the wedding tomorrow. She definitely, probably wouldn't need that. She highly doubted Callie would still want her to go based on her behaviour tonight, and frankly, Arizona had too much self-respect to go with Callie either.

Maybe Callie was just done experimenting, or she got a better offer, or she decided Arizona, someone she had been dating for only a few months, wasn't worth losing her family over.

And while Arizona couldn't blame her for the last one, the first two, well, they'd hurt. Arizona didn't date newborns. She wasn't the go to girl for experimenting anymore. She hadn't been in a while. She just felt… she just felt lonely now.

Laying in her bed, she pulled off her watch, dropping it onto her bedside table. Even months into the winter, faint tan lines from the summer remained, leaving her small tattoo in stark contrast. She traced her fingers along Tim's handwriting. Tim would've known what to do. About everything, her soulmate, Callie, her job.

But Tim was dead and Arizona was all alone with just a few words to remind her of her brother, her best friend. Sometimes, those few words felt like all she had left of him.

Arizona rolled onto her side, wrapping her fingers around her wrist. She really didn't like looking at them. She couldn't even remember the last person who saw the tattoo. She had shown Jane once not long after she got it, and Jane had sobbed and hugged her. She never showed her parents as her father disapproved of tattoos and it would've made her mom cry.

It was easier to just wear her watch and keep it covered. She didn't want to broadcast it, to share that with anyone else really. It was her own personal reminder of what she had lost.

Theoretically, there was someone else out there with the same tattoo, but at this rate, Arizona was sure she'd never meet her.

---

14 May 2009

Seattle, Washington

Strange. That's what it was, strange. It was strange to be attending Izzie Stevens' wedding in the first place. Her wedding to Alex Karev of all people.

It was doubly strange to watch George walking her down the aisle. The man she was supposed to marry walking the woman he cheated with down the aisle to marry a guy she had hooked up with a few years ago (not that she was about to tell anyone that).

Life was very strange indeed.

Arizona squeezed her hand a bit and Callie couldn't help but smile a bit. This felt… it felt right with Arizona. Even with their whole argument? disagreement? break up? She wasn't entirely sure, but it was in the past. They worked through it, they were better for it.

And Callie did feel slightly silly for how she behaved the night before. She was insecure and stressed and tired, and she ignored Arizona and made her think she didn't like her or something.

But that was behind them. They were going to have pizza, and it was going to be their night. The night.

Once they watched someone Callie used to wish dead get married, of course.

As they watched Izzie and Alex kiss for the first time as a married couple, Callie leaned over to kiss Arizona's cheek, smiling as Arizona leaned against her.

Completely unbidden, Callie thought to herself that their wedding would look totally different. Callie blinked a few times in an effort to rid herself of that line of thought. She wasn't being that girl, she wasn't being the one jumping in feet first, she wasn't like that anymore.

But she could so clearly see it in her mind's eye, see Arizona in a white dress, see herself standing across from her in her mother's veil. It was jarring and terrifying and way too much, way too soon. But it also fit, it made some sort of sense. Arizona fit.

Callie needed to reel herself in. They hadn't even had sex yet. They'd only been together a few months. They didn't have a label.

They weren't soulmates.

As much as Callie said she didn't care about that, there would always be some part of her that desperately wanted her soulmate, desperately wanted to find the person who was made for her, who the universe chose for her.

Arizona squeezed her hand again as their eyes met, Arizona's eyes lit up with a smile. Callie found her smile captivating and charming and she wanted to memorize it.

"That was a nice ceremony," Arizona said in a hushed voice, still leaning against her shoulder. "I mean, I don't really know either of them, but still, a nice ceremony."

"Definitely," Callie said, half distracted by the warmth of Arizona's hand in hers. "I wasn't expecting it to be Izzie and Alex, but I guess that makes sense. With the cancer and everything." Callie bit her own tongue at the awkward phrasing, but Arizona seemed to not notice it.

A few people started standing and moving towards the entrance after the newlyweds walked out. Still holding Arizona's hand, Callie stood, the pair of them following the crowd.

As they stepped out onto the church's stairs, they stayed slightly apart from the main group, tucked away at the top of the stairs.

Callie nearly fell down the stairs when Mark's hand fell heavily on her shoulder, only just managing to hang onto Arizona for balance. "Mark!"

"Torres, Robbins," Mark said with a laugh, Lexie tucked against his side. "I think we're all headed over to Joe's for the reception. I hear there's free food, and more importantly, an open bar on Shepherd's card."

"Yeah, we'll, uh, we'll see you over there," Callie managed. The odds of them actually going to the reception at this point, she was fairly certain, were low. She'd much rather spend the evening with Arizona then a bunch of residents and Mark getting drunk on Shepherd's dime.

As Mark and Lexie walked away to congratulate Izzie and Alex, Arizona said, "I don't really care if we go to the reception or not. Unless you feel strongly about finger food, pizza sounds much better to me."

Callie swallowed, her cheeks now fully burning at the implication. She turned to more fully face Arizona, who was watching her with careful, darker than usual eyes. "Pizza… yeah, I'd much rather have pizza. There's a pizza place down the street. And then we could just take it down to my place. I'm sure Cristina will be out celebrating for a while." Callie cut herself off before her rambling could continue.

"That sounds perfect, Calliope." Arizona pressed up on her toes to kiss Callie's cheek. "Do you need to say any goodbyes, make any excuses?"

Callie shook her head. Mark was more than occupied with Lexie and it wasn't like she was close with the married couple. "You?"

"Nope."

"Shall we?"

---

14 May 2009

Seattle, Washington

Arizona was nervous. She didn't get nervous. But here she was, nervous. Callie made her nervous. She couldn't even remember the last time she was this nervous about a hook up. Well, that was probably the problem. Callie wasn't a hook up. Callie was… they were dating. They had been dating for a while and now they were going to have sex and she was nervous.

She and Callie stopped in front of the pizza store, their fingers still intertwined.

"Divide and conquer? You grab the pizza and I'll run to the corner store and grab a six pack of beer," Callie said, "I'm pretty sure Yang drank all of the beer last week after she and Grey ran out of tequila. It's a whole thing. Any preferences?"

"Whatever you want, I'm easy." Callie smiled brightly and only then, did Arizona hear her own words. "Not like that, Calliope. Hm, well, maybe tonight."

"Good to know."

"What kind of pizza?"

"I'm easy, you choose." Callie pressed a fleeting kiss to her lips that was still enough to cause her head to get a bit foggy. "Meet you back here in a bit."

Blinking a few times to clear her head, Arizona stepped into the pizza store, making a beeline for the counter. "This might be a weird question, but any chance you have a pizza that will be ready in," Arizona glanced down at her watch, "say, five minutes. I could even pay double for it."

"Uh," the pimply teenager at the cashier glanced behind him before continuing, "there's a cheese pizza almost ready. I guess I could give you that. If you really give me a twenty for it."

"Deal." Arizona fished around her wallet for some cash. She was not telling Callie about this. This, bribing the pizza guy to give her someone else's pizza, was embarrassing. But she didn't want to wait around for ages for a pizza. That would just give her time to think. And thinking was not helpful for her in this moment.

Arizona ran a hand through her hair as she waited for the pizza. She just needed to breathe. And not be freaking out. Because she was pretty sure Callie was probably freaking out so Arizona really needed to have it together right now. She was Arizona Robbins. She didn't freak out.

"Hey, lady, here's your pizza."

Arizona's head snapped up and she grinned. "Thank you so, so much." She added another ten to the tip jar. "Have a great night."

She nearly collided with Callie on her way out.

"Oh, wow, that was quick. What'd you do, bribe the guy?"

Arizona's cheeks burned, but she ignored them. "Just lucky, I guess."

"Ready?"

There wasn't much Arizona could do beyond nod. She was ready. She had been ready for a long time with Callie.

---

14 May 2009

Seattle, Washington

Callie offered Arizona the beer dangling between her fingers. Arizona took it eagerly, drinking quickly. Neither had said a word since walking into Callie's apartment, nerves apparently stealing their words.

It was strangely reassuring that Arizona was nervous too. Callie knew Arizona was more experienced with women, way more experienced. She knew, well, she was fairly certain Arizona had slept with more than one woman. Callie had lots of experience, but with men, and as she knew from Erica, it wasn't exactly the same.

She just really wanted to do this right. After everything Arizona had been through with her. After Arizona stayed through everything.

Callie tipped back her beer, forcing her gaze away from Arizona.

"I can grab-"

"Should we just-"

They both finally spoke at the same time, cutting each other off.

"You first," Callie said.

Arizona's cheeks flushed a pretty pink and she kept picking at the edge of the label on her bottle as she said, "Oh, uh, I was just going to say if you want, we could, uh, skip the pizza for now. I like cold pizza."

"I also like cold pizza."

"Yeah?" Arizona took a step closer to Callie, Arizona's heels making their eyes level for a change. Arizona looped her arms over Callie's shoulders, her fingers gently tangling in Callie's hair.

"Yeah. Cold pizza sounds, sounds pretty great right now," Callie said, her voice breathier than before. She leaned closer, the smell of Arizona's perfume going straight to her head. She rested her hands on Arizona's hips, pulling her ever closer. Callie sighed softly as she watched Arizona, unsure who would make that final move.

Arizona tilted her head slightly, ghosting her lips over Callie's. Not one to waste anymore time, Callie closed the final distance between them. One of them, Callie really wasn't sure who, whined into the kiss, desperation and need spilling over.

"Bed?" Arizona whispered against her lips.

"Bed."

---

15 May 2009

Seattle, Washington

Arizona couldn't take her eyes off Callie. She glowed when she smiled, when she looked at Arizona, when she breathed. She was breathtaking and stunning and Arizona almost couldn't believe she was real, that she could just reach out and touch her.

But she was. She was very, very real.

Callie tossed her head back as she laughed, the sound filling the room easily.

Arizona couldn't drag her eyes away from the lines of Callie's neck, the way her mouth curved up into a smile, the way her eyes crinkled and her nose scrunched up.

Callie stood to her feet, apparently uncaring of her nakedness, which Arizona was very much a fan of. She moved the pizza box off the bed, pausing to pull Arizona into a kiss, her fingers light along her jaw.

"You want another beer?" Callie offered. She pulled on a pair of panties and a shirt, which was enough to make Arizona pout. "I think I heard Yang come home. And she has rules about not walking around the apartment naked."

"We should've gone to my apartment. I'm very against you wearing clothes. Just for the record."

"For the record," Callie echoed teasingly. "I'll be right back. Don't move a muscle."

Arizona never was very good at following instructions. She stretched her arms above her head, groaning as her back cracked. Her fingers caught on her watch as she leaned to one side. Letting her hands fall into her lap, she fussed with the clasp of her watch.

Apparently, she fussed with it too much as the clasp fell off the watch band, the entire thing dropping between her legs.

"Damn it."

Scooping up all the disjointed pieces, she moved to set them on the bedside table, each piece clattering noisily.

How the hell did something like that even break? It wasn't like it was some crappy, knock off. Her mom had given it to her years ago and she had worn it nearly every day since.

Arizona frowned, rubbing at the inside of her wrist absently. But her frown faded quickly. She could get her watch fixed. And there was a hot, super, crazy hot woman only a few feet away.

She wandered over to Callie's dresser, grabbing the first shirt she found. It wasn't that she necessarily minded being naked, especially not in front of Callie, but Callie had clothes on so she might as well too.

"Yang's doing freakin' construction in her room," Callie said as she returned with two beers in hand.

"That's her? I assumed it was upstairs."

"Oh no," Callie dropped onto the bed, leaning against the headboard. "That's all Yang. Honestly, I try not to ask questions."

Arizona laughed as she accepted a beer. "I'm so glad I don't have roommates anymore."

"We're definitely going to your place next time."

"So there's a next time?"

Callie blushed and Arizona almost felt bad for teasing, but she really looked so pretty. "I mean, I want a next time. If you want a next time. That is."

"Of course, I want a next time, Calliope."

"So, it was… y'know, I had a good time."

"Calliope, did it seem like I had a good time?"

Callie's grin came easily, curving up the corners of her mouth, creasing into her cheeks. "Seemed like you had a really good time. A great time even. Multiple times even."

Arizona laughed, nudging Callie's leg with her foot. "I wasn't the only one." Callie ran her fingers along Arizona's calf until she shivered slightly. "Calliope."

"Arizona." Callie handed her a beer, holding hers up for a cheers. "To new beginnings. Or is that too cheesy?"

"To new beginnings." Arizona clinked her bottle against Callie's. "And happy endings."

"And happy endings," Callie echoed, "I like that. Happy endings." Callie smiled as she sipped at her beer, light reflecting off her bracelets.

Arizona relaxed a bit, letting her weight fall on her left hand, the beer bottle dangling between the fingers of her right. "I have to say, Calliope, this is a really, really good date. Pizza and beer in bed after sex definitely beats out stuffy French food."

"This can be our thing. Pizza and beer in bed."

"And sex, don't forget the sex part."

"How could I forget the sex part? The sex part, very, very important."

Arizona leaned over to drop her bottle on the bedside table, the bottle knocking into the broken parts of her watch. She closed the distance between her and Callie, straddling her lap as Callie leaned against the headboard. "I completely agree, Calliope." Resting her right hand on Callie's shoulder, she moved to cup her jaw with her left, her thumb brushing along Callie's cheekbone.

"You have a tattoo," Callie rushed out, "you have a tattoo." Arizona sat back, a frown pinching between her brows, her hand moving to cover the tattoo on her wrist. Callie covered her hand, slowly pulling her fingers away from her wrist. "You have a tattoo," Callie whispered, her eyes fixed on the inside of Arizona's wrist. "I have a tattoo."

Arizona shifted uncomfortably as Callie stared. "You have a tattoo? How did I miss that?"

"I… you have a tattoo." Callie fiddled with the clasp of the layered gold bracelets covering her wrist.

"Callie, Calliope, I need you to say something other than you saying I have a tattoo."

Arizona's heart pounded in her chest, achy and too fast. Everything felt like too much, way too much. She swallowed against the tightness in her throat. It almost felt like she couldn't breathe as Callie finally managed to remove her bracelets.

"You have a tattoo and I have a tattoo too," Callie whispered, her voice soft and reverent. She turned her wrist over while turning Arizona's over as well, her fingers practically burning into Arizona's skin. Their wrists lined up, pressed against each other. "I have your tattoo."

Tears sprang to Arizona's eyes as she stared at her brother's small, neat handwriting inscribed on the inside of Callie's wrist, a perfect mirror of the words on the inside of hers.

Without a second thought, Arizona kissed Callie, desperate to feel her, feel closer to her. She wound her fingers through Callie's hair, leaning into her.

Only when it became critically necessary to breathe did they separate, but only fractionally, their foreheads pressed together.

"You're… you're… you're the one," breathed Arizona, her eyes squeezed shut as if that would keep her in this dream like moment. Callie was, by some miracle, some perfect act of the universe, Callie was her soulmate. The person she had been looking for her whole life, and she was right here. She was here. Arizona could touch her, feel her, she wasn't just some figment of her imagination anymore.

"I never thought I'd find you, I had…. I gave up," Callie whispered, "But you're here. You're actually here."

"I'm here and you're here and that's, that's what's important. We're here. We're actually here, together. This is real, very, very real. Our… they match. We match." Arizona moved slightly back, suddenly struck by the need to see Callie fully. "You're my match, my, my, my-"

"-soulmate," Callie finished. "We're soulmates." Her eyes darted around Arizona's face as if she was trying to memorise every detail and Arizona knew she was doing the same. They had waited so long to find each other. And somehow, they had missed each other for months when they were right next to each other all along.

Arizona smiled, no, beamed, her cheeks aching perfectly. "We're soulmates," she repeated, savouring the warmth in her chest as it spread to every inch of her body. "You've been here all along and we never noticed."

Callie ran her finger across the inside of Arizona's wrist, over the small tattoo. "I always kept the tattoo covered because it wasn't mine. I didn't know what it meant. It was just a reminder that I hadn't found you. If only… we could've figured this out months ago."

Arizona covered Callie's hand with her own. "We found each other without though. We found each other without the pressure of being soulmates. I… I'm glad… I'm glad I didn't know until now, until I was sure."

"Sure?"

"Sure that you are someone very important to me, Calliope."

Callie's eyes turned slightly watery as she whispered, "You're important to me too, Arizona." She swallowed. "I thought your name was Tony. Or Anthony."

Arizona choked on a laugh. "I'm sorry?"

Callie's cheeks burned and it almost hurt how pretty she was. "I… there was a number on my, your arm. When I was in college. I called it. I don't even remember what it said, but I was sure it was my soulmate's, your number. And some girl answered and was talking about someone, Tony."

"Tony?"

"Uh, yeah. I really, I think I might have hated that girl on the phone at one point. I kept picturing this like peppy cheerleader, and, and how no one ever would pick me over the cheerleader-"

"I would-"

"-and how my soulmate wasn't going to- wait, what?"

"I'd pick you. I'd pick you over anyone."

"You have to say that now, you're my soulmate. It's like required or something."

"Calliope, I followed you into a dirty bar bathroom. I noticed you at work. I looked you up. I knew things about you. Because you're you. Because y-you're miraculous. I wanted, no, I needed to know you. Not because you're my soulmate, but because you're you. You're breathtaking in a way that I, I, I almost can't describe. I, you're brilliant and special and beautiful." Arizona inhaled a sharp breath, unable to stop the words pouring from her. "I didn't follow you into that dirty bar bathroom because I thought you might be my soulmate, I never thought I'd be that lucky. I followed you into that bathroom because, because, because-"

Callie cut her off by pulling her into a kiss, driving all thoughts of some grand speech from her mind. She could happily spend the rest of her life kissing Callie.

And as it turned out, the universe agreed.

Callie pulled back, resting her forehead against Arizona's. "You were rambling," she said softly.

"I do that sometimes around pretty girls."

"Smooth, really smooth," Callie laughed, tugging a hand through her hair, "this almost doesn't feel real. Does this feel real to you?"

Arizona kissed her, a soft, almost chaste kiss. "Does that feel real?"

"Hm, try again," Callie hummed, her eyes drifting shut, her eyelashes brushing the tops of her cheeks. Arizona leaned in again, this time kissing Callie's cheek, jaw and finally lips. "Better." Arizona repeated the process on the other side of her face, unable to help the smile that felt permanently etched on her face.

"Now?"

"I think I'm going to need lots of reminders that this is real."

"I can manage that," laughed Arizona. "I'll remind you every day for as long as you want," her voice became soft at the thought of what that was promising. She wanted that so badly. She wanted this perfect, shiny, happy future her mind had already conjured up with Callie. And that was the important part: with Callie. Callie, in such a short period of time and well before she knew she was her soulmate, had become so crucial, so central to Arizona's vision of her future. Except now, for the first time in as long as Arizona could remember, it didn't feel as much like a dream and more tangible, more possible.

The person she had been dreaming of since her marks first appeared, the woman she had been waiting for, she finally found her. And she was so much better, so much more wonderful than anything Arizona could've dreamt up.

"Can I ask what the tattoo means? I've been wondering for years."

Arizona's heart sank slightly and she hated that her first instinct was to say no, to hide Tim away still.

"It's, the quote, it's from The Goonies ," she said, very much aware of what a non-answer that was.

"I did manage to work that out for myself. Is it like a peds thing?"

"No, not a peds thing. It's my brother's, it was his favourite movie. He used to say that, and sign off letters with that. It was his way, our way of reminding each other to be brave. My dad has a million and one phrases for everything, chief amongst them reminding us to be the 'good man in a storm' but that was just ours." Callie watched her with careful eyes and Arizona could already feel the impending pity and sorrow for her loss. "I know it's silly."

Callie caught her wrist, her fingers circling over the words. "It's not. It's important to you. What's his name? I don't think you ever, uh, ever mentioned him."

Arizona knew she wasn't any better than her dad, hiding Tim away like that. It was just… she never knew how or when to bring him up. She hated the pity and strange leaps of logic that followed. She was disappointed in herself for keeping that crucial part of herself from Callie.

"Timothy, Tim. I called him Tim. He died in 2005. And, and, and I wanted to have some part of him with me always." Callie squeezed her wrist gently. "It's not that… it's not that I didn't want to tell you about him, it's just hard." Arizona shifted uncomfortably. It wasn't that she didn't want to tell Callie about Tim, but that was a whole thing and she wanted to just stay in a happy little bubble. "I promise I'll tell you more about him some day."

Callie nodded, even as her eyes betrayed her curiosity. "I want to know things about you, Arizona. Just like you know things about me."

"Yeah?"

"I know all these tiny things about you from my entire life. I know you got in a fight once and got grounded. I know the first time you kissed a girl, you said it was magical. I know you like reading and writing dumb jokes from your patients on your hand to remember them. I know you let kids draw on you. I know all these disjointed pieces of you, but I want to know everything," Callie finally paused for a breath, bright spots appearing on her cheeks. "I want to know things. I like knowing things."

Arizona cupped her cheek, Callie leaning into her touch. "Good thing we have the rest of our lives to learn everything, to know everything."

"The rest of our lives…."

"The rest of our lives and I plan on not missing a moment of it. As long as I have you, I think, I know I'll be happy. We'll be happy. I don't… I don't need much, just you. We get to have our happy ending."

Sometimes, it was hard to believe in happy endings and fairy tales and pixie dust. The world was harsh and impossible and cruel. People died, people left. Sometimes, it was hard to be happy, to have hope, to believe.

Arizona had nearly given up on a happy ending, on that belief so many times. But some part of her, some hopeful, stubborn part of her, always believed. Always hoped she'd find her happy ending.

And now her happy ending was right in front of her, smiling so, so brightly at her.

---

the end.

---

i really, truly hope you all enjoyed this.

I started this fic in 2021 and it really was meant to be around 5k. as you can see, it turned out much, much longer. this is by far the longest thing i've ever written and so much time, energy and love went into it.

this also marks my 50th fic for calzona and I genuinely want to say thank you to all of you. everyone who's commented and reviewed and messaged and favorited and followed and just read my work period. I started writing for calzona at a very low point for me personally, and in the time since, I've been through a lot and I've changed a lot, and you all have been right there with me. when I published "ain't no sunshine," I definitely didn't expect to write more, and here we are, and you all are a huge part of that. all of your support and encouragement and love means the world to me.

as always, much love xx