I'm pretty sure I haven't gotten an actual good night's sleep in like two weeks, so if this reads like a fever dream... that's because it is.

Also, I blame Anoikis and Echo for this. They entertain my insanity far more than anyone should.

Also, also, yes I should be working on school work or my Andromeda fic, but brainrot is something ya just gotta get out of your system sometimes.

"Everything alright?" Shepard asked as he sidled up next to Solana, who was staring out the massive windows of their apartment on the Citadel.

"How did this happen?"

"How did what happen?"

"This," she said, motioning between them. "How exactly did we go from pretending to date to mess with my brother to moving in together?"

Shepard frowned thoughtfully. "I don't know."

"How did we manage to mess it up that badly?" She huffed, her mandibles flicking irritably.

"Do you really think we messed up?" Shepard asked quietly, a small smirk on his face as he tried to pull her towards him.

She placed a talon-tipped finger firmly against his chest. "Personal feelings aside, commander, we had a mission. And, so far, the mission has been a failure. We've been playing right into the enemy's hands."

"Hmm." He fell silent for a moment. "Well, I guess there's only one thing to do. Report to the meeting room in five minutes."

"Aye, commander," Solana replied as his hands fell and he turned toward the stairs. "Oh, one more thing." He stopped, turning back to face her inquisitive. She leaned in, kissing him on the cheek. "I'm pretty sure that's how it goes," she muttered. Maybe it was preemptive, but it couldn't hurt to reward him a little for pretending to take the matter seriously.

"I'll have to brush up on protocol," he said, a small smile breaking through the facade, "but I'm pretty sure that's how it goes. Now, we should get moving. The enemy won't wait forever." Despite what he said, he leaned in and kissed her forehead before turning back to the stairs, presumably heading toward their bedroom while she made her way to what they affectionately called the "war room."

Though he had said five minutes, Shepard was back in less than half of that, carrying a stack of notebooks and binders. He set them on the table.

"This is all the info I have on the target. I'm sure that we'll find a plan of attack somewhere in here."

"John…"

"What is it?"

"Are those notes you took on my brother?"

"They are," he confirmed with a nod, not a shred of humor or shame in his expression.

"Spirits… there are two of them…" She had never understood the phrase 'existential crisis' until that moment. All she could do was hold her head in her hands as she stared at the table numbly.

"What is it?"

"Nothing," she sighed.

"Then focus up. If we're gonna strike, then we have to make it count." Shepard pulled one of the binders out, flipped through the pages until he found what he was looking for, then set it on the table so they both could see it. "I'd recommend starting here. We could-"

"Wait," Solana said slowly, an idea slowly taking shape in her mind.

"You have something?"

"... I think I do," she replied smugly. Shepard sat down, cracking his knuckles as she explained her plan. It was a simple one, only taking a couple of minutes to lay out. As she did so, she watched as his excited grin turned to something akin to worry. When she finished, she fell silent, looking at him expectantly.

Shepard remained silent, arms folded as he frowned at something only he could see. Finally, he sighed and leaned back in his chair. "This is a dangerous plan. You know that, right?"

"I do."

"And if it goes wrong, you know that he's going to have a powerful ally."

"Ally is a strong word," Solana countered evenly. "Play it right, and we might be the ones with the ally."

He nodded. "You're right. If you think it's worth the risk, then I've got your back."

"Let's do it."

"Alright. I'll send the message."

Tali was curled up against Garrus on their couch as they watched her favorite movie. While date nights were common for them, they very often had to compromise on what exactly they went out to do or what movie they watched. Finally, though, she had convinced Garrus to watch Fleet and Flotilla with her. Sure, it was a dumb movie that she and her friends on the Rayya had grown up with, but it would always hold a special place in her heart. Especially now that she was dating a turian. And even though she knew he wouldn't be singing along, she was still enjoying herself, do in no small part to Garrus learning that not every thought of his needed to leave his mouth.

Instead, he sat next to her quietly watching with her. Occasionally, he would lean into her and nuzzle her a little. Granted, such gestures were difficult to experience through a helmet, but the gestures were appreciated nonetheless.

And then his omni-tool pinged.

"Mind pausing for a minute. This is probably important."

"Sure," Tali replied, trying to pretend she wasn't annoyed. She had been very comfortable, but now she had to move so that he could get to his feet.

"Solana," he greeted quietly. "Everything all right?"

Tali sighed. Of course it had to be now. She wasn't sure what the two bosh'tets had been planning, but she had known something was up ever since she had gotten a cryptic message from the commander earlier that day.

She watched with narrowed eyes as Garrus suddenly stiffened.

"What?" he asked sharply. "That's not- hold on." The turian rushed off deeper into their home.

"Keelah," she growled quietly as she heard crashing coming from their bedroom.

A few seconds later, Garrus came rushing back with an all too familiar stack of binders and notebook. Had she not been so annoyed by the entire situation, she might have been impressed with how he managed to keep the stack so organized while also almost dumping it on the floor in his desperation. He began digging through his copious notes, muttering to himself.

"I heard what you said, but that's not possible!" He shook his head sternly as he continued flipping through pages. "There is no way… Yes, I know you live with him, but there's no way… I was with him from the beginning!" He grumbled something quietly as his mandibles twitched violently. "Listen, I'll call you back in a minute. I have to look over a few things." Garrus hung up, continuing to grumble to himself as he pored over various charts. Though he hid it reasonably well, she could tell he was getting more and more worked up by the second.

Tali shook her head ruefully. Shepard's message now made a lot more sense "Garrus?"

"Yes?" he asked, doing his best to sound polite.

"Would you say that you are mentally re-calibrating?"

The turian froze as though he'd been slapped. He slowly turned to her. "They're messing with me, aren't they?"

"Yes."

"All right, this means war," Garrus said as he reassessed his pile of notes. "Here-" he pointed toward a clear patch of floor next to him, "- we can use this to-"

"Garrus, we're in the middle of date night."

"I know, but-"

"Honey," she said as she climbed to her feet and crouched in front of him, "sweetheart. Love of my life." Though her voice was sweet, it was laced with venom, and the turian knew it. "I know you want revenge, but I think it's important that you remember that your crazy girlfriend has a shotgun."

"Mmm… We can plan later."

"I couldn't agree more."

Tali pulled him up and guided him back to the couch. Encouraging him to sit down, she curled back up against him and hit the play button. However, despite the vid that was playing, Tali's mind was far from romance. Instead, her mind, like her boyfriend's, was preoccupied with how to get revenge.