A/N: I don't own GAP the Series nor the characters within.
This is a true transitional story, moving characters into the mental places they need to be and to decisions that they need to have before moving forward.
I originally had this planned to be posted before the new episode, which was Ep 11, dropped, but even with my outline, I had not anticipated how long this story would be, or how much I would add along the way. (I liveblogged about it on tumblr. It was hilarious. [To me.])
However, I am still counting this as a win because I finished my first draft two hours before the episode aired (and promptly went to sleep and watched the episode later in the day instead of waking up for the premier like I normally do). And even though I expected to have it posted the same day...
Editing a 10,000 word+ story is hard, friends. Especially when you're making sure there's a consistent tone/style throughout the whole thing, rewriting things, adding new things, rewriting things again, changing your mind and putting things back to how they originally were, making sure things flow, removing things, and then rewriting things once again.
So, this is now posted whenever I posted it, finally done enough for me to release it out to you because I know I will never think it's perfect but must trust in my writing and intention. Yay!
(Oh, and yes, this story was NOT written under the influence of muscle relaxers like The Ocean As Blue As the River Cried Last Night was, so it won't read the same. It is more my usual style of writing, which leaves me fascinated how being so physically loose during the writing of TOABAtRTCLN affected the way my brain wanted to flow words out onto the paper, so to speak.)
...Seriously though, this story has been a surprise to me. Not only did I purposefully give myself scenes and plot points that I find daunting and normally try to shy away from writing - and actually wrote them! I wrote them!, but this fic is incredibly long for me, too. As someone who has struggled to even reach 1,000 words for years, I am both flabbergasted and proud. And then, would you look at that? Surprise sexy times decided they wanted to slip in as well! I haven't written that in ages, either!
And I actually enjoyed every single minute of the hours it took me to write that first draft! I did! I normally don't, but this time I did and... No joke, I almost cried about how freeing that felt to finally feel that way again, something I hadn't even realized I'd lost. It was... Cathartic.
...
Long story short, this story that I set out to passively challenge myself with ended up being more than I expected.
I hope you enjoy.
Clad in her rented villa's provided second bathrobe - the first one a soaked and soggy, plopped mess on the floor of the equally soaked, soggy, and messy bathroom - Sam, sitting on the bed as she ran her hairbrush through her damp, mussed hair in quick, disgruntled strokes, glared just as disgruntledly at the small dog she'd fought to get a towel wrapped around easily wriggle his way out. Closing her eyes so she didn't see just how much water he was dripping on the comforter, Sam turned her head away, inhaling through her nose. Taking a few seconds before stiffly shaking her head, she straightened herself and turned back.
"Singha, you're supposed to stay in the towel," she said firmly, leaning forward to tug at the crumpled cloth under his paws in an attempt at pulling it up and back over his head. When he only clumsily stumbled in her way, nosing excitedly at her hand as if he thought it was a game, Sam sighed and sat back up.
Setting her hairbrush down onto the bedside table, she flicked her still damp hair over her shoulder and shuffled her way down the bed and closer to him, very glad no one was around to see her do it. Once comfortable after turning herself around to lean back against the footboard, legs crisscrossed in front of her, Sam wrapped her hands around Singha's sides, grunting a little as she lifted him. Making a face at the feel of his short hair damp under her hands - but very happy it wasn't any longer to get any wetter - she set him down into her lap. Very glad for the bathrobe between him and her skin even as it quickly started soaking up some of the bathwater, knowing she wasn't going to sleep in it anyway, Sam stroked along the soft side of the small dog's head and up between his ears as she reached for the abandoned towel.
"Since you're being difficult," Sam looked down to meet Singha's eyes, cocking her head and raising her eyebrows at him, "And making me do this again..." She started working the towel over his head and down his back, struggling to keep him still, "I'm only going to get you one prawn! Hm? Only one river prawn."
It was like something was waiting for just this moment. As those words left her lips, a dam inside her that had been holding a ferocious, broiling mass of emotions battering at the edges of her mind shook and splintered apart, and Sam was instantly pulled under as the flood swept her away.
She only had a second, hands trembling as they clutched the towel over Singha's back, before a familiar monster cracked and yanked open her breastbone to crawl inside her chest, curling up like it had never left. It ached everywhere it touched, and Sam slammed eyes shut that burned in response. She knew it would stay there for the rest of the night.
It had been foolish to think she could push away all her guilt and fear and leftover anger to wrap herself up in all her hopeful thoughts of Mon she had left behind. That she had managed to do so for as long as she had by focusing all of her attention on Singha and dealing with and trying to take care of him surprised her.
But then, of course, she had mentioned the reward she'd come up with as she'd let Singha down from her arms at the door of her villa:
River prawns.
Having Googled to make sure dogs could eat them (yes, cooked and shelled), Sam had allowed herself to think about taking both Singha and Mon to Ayutthaya, back to the same restaurant and the garden and bench swing where Sam had first brought up her and Mon's 'game'. Even as her guilt tugged at her and taunted that everything was pointless in response to her planning, Sam had already convinced herself to throw herself into believing in the good thing that was Mon texting her back and, for a short while, she had managed to do that and ignore it.
But of course she had sabotaged herself. She always did.
Singha shifted, his head coming up to bump her arm, and Sam, knocked out of her thoughts, flinched in surprise, yelping as he followed it up by starting to push out of her lap, his back left leg tangling in her bathrobe and making him drop back into her with a startled snort.
"Singha! You okay?" Instantly wrapping her hands around him and pulling him up to turn him around, Sam peered at him intently, trying to see if there was any distress on his wrinkly face or if he looked a little worse for wear under his just as wrinkly skin. She'd never forgive herself if she broke her promise to Mon that he was going to get home alive and well.
When he didn't do or say anything, only tilting his head at her with his tongue down only to his chin, panting a little softly as he hung in the air, waiting as well, Sam sighed and nodded, placing him back down.
Singha was an awfully placid dog, just like she vaguely remembered Sua to be. Which was a good thing this time, as it meant he had probably barely moved so probably barely had any chance of actually hurting himself. Choosing to believe that while still keeping an eye on him, Sam set her hand down onto his head, between his ears, gave him a firm, scratching stroke, and picked up the towel again.
Singha was looking better, his short hair drying faster with most of the water now trapped in her bathrobe, uncomfortably clammy on her skin such that she felt she'd need to take another bath to warm up, and, a little more subdued than before, Sam went back to wrapping and squeezing the towel around him. Once again moving it along skin that didn't want to stay still and slid with her motions, it was just as hard as it was when she first tried after getting him out of the bathtub.
"Almost done, hm?" she asked quietly, bowing her head to press her cheek into one of his large ears, making him turn and snuffle at her as she rubbed down under his chin. "Maybe you'll get that second prawn after all."
As Singha stood on her thigh and calf as Sam nudged him up to get his chest and upper belly, she heard the sound of her phone vibrating on the pillow. Her heart immediately jumping, she snapped her head over to look at it, eyes narrowing in exasperation when she realized how far away it was. Inhaling sharply, looking down at Singha and determining he was much dryer than before and would probably continue drying faster if she let him go, Sam gave him a quick, distracted pet and then lifted and rolled, depositing both him and the towel onto the floor. Hearing him shake while taking a second to breathe and recover from the quick motion, face pressed against the bed, Sam pushed out her legs to swing around and scramble for the phone.
She knew it probably wasn't Mon, but if it was...
It wasn't.
Expression closing, Sam pushed her hair behind her shoulder, laid down onto her back to look up at the ceiling, and picked up the call before it ended. "Jim."
When the cold of her wet bathrobe seeping into her skin registered, however, she closed her eyes with an irritated sigh and sat up, slowly leaning over to look over the bed to see if Singha was facing or looking at her.
"Stupid Horn!" Jim sounded positively delighted. "Why are you breathing so heavily?"
After making sure Singha was over near his food bowls and not looking at her, Sam briefly rolled her eyes up and responded with a neutral, "Mmm," knowing that would be enough to trigger Jim to start talking again.
"Mmm?" Jim gasped in dramatic dismay, "Mmm is not an answer, Fuzzy! Not for that question!"
Sam sat back up, placed her phone down next to her, and quickly stripped her bathrobe off, exchanging it with the nightgown she'd already prepared. Shimmying into that as quickly as she could, she glanced at Singha to make sure he still wasn't looking at her, and picked up her phone again, putting it to her ear as she laid back down onto bed and looked up at the ceiling, annoyed with herself that now she was breathing even heavier than she had been when she first picked up the phone.
At least Jim was still talking. "Why must you be so difficult? Just tell me it's because of something fun, at least!"
Sam's eyes wandered further up along the ceiling. "I was drying Singha." She mmmed. "A dog." Another mmm, and she brought her gaze down again. "Mon's dog."
There was a pause from Jim. Then, "What kind of euphamism is that?"
"Jim."
"What? It's an honest question! I didn't know you had it in you, Stupid Horn! Give me all the deets."
Sam exhaled, closing her eyes and pressing her fingers to her forehead. "Jim."
Behind her, Singha crunched loudly on a piece of the kibble Sam had poured out for him earlier, and she absently made a mental note to take him out after she ate dinner.
"Hon. Stupidityyyyy, Hubby's left me alone for a business trip, and both Kade and Tee are busy or not answering her phone. If I can't go out with my friends, talking to them on the phone is the next best thing, right?"
Sam sighed.
"See? You agree with me." Jim lowered her voice, becoming conspiratorial, "So, friend on the phone with me, tell me about you and Mon's 'dog'."
"Jim," Sam warned flatly. This was approaching being more annoying than usual.
Jim laughed. "Is your lover going to get jealous, hearing you saying my name over and over? Hmm? Is she there right now? Give her a 'hi and good job!' from me."
Preparing to snap out a good night and hang up, Sam found herself quiet instead.
Jim didn't know about her and Mon's fight.
Which meant Mon hadn't informed Jim, Kade, or Tee, just like she hadn't.
Pressing the back of her arm against her forehead, Sam stared up at the ceiling, doing her best to ignore her friend so she could try and focus on the confused emotions that realization brought up.
"Hm?" Jim asked as the time without an answer grew. "Mm? Oi! Friend! I'm still here! At least put me on speaker phone if you're going to be distracted by Mon while your friend is still talking!"
Sam frowned deeply. The sudden impulse to tell Jim herself that she was experiencing now was new. Normally she was capable of keeping her feelings from Jim and the others, having learned extremely well that any weakness in front of them was never let go and frequently exploited.
But.
Sam knew the monster in her chest was poor company, it taking every chance to whisper and taunt her whenever her focus wandered, and hanging up with Jim now would only coax it back stronger and faster.
Maybe... Jim would be able to help her decompress. Her other choice, her occasional indulgence of finishing the bottle of red she'd opened up before her and Singha's... bath... by herself didn't sound like something she should or wanted to do. Not tonight.
But.
Sam tightened her fingers around her phone. This was ill advised. Very ill advised. Could she handle giving Jim ammunition and means to make fun of her? Could she risk it?
Before Mon, and after the first month after Song's death, Sam wouldn't have conceived of contemplating any of this.
But Mon had happened. When Sam hadn't known she was looking for her, leaving her entirely unprepared for how she was going to pull down her walls, walls that were still getting reformed and destroyed with each passing second.
Sam closed her eyes. She knew she could blame Mon for this impulse, too.
But. Without Mon, and in this just as empty as their home villa, Sam could admit to herself that she needed some way of getting at least some of the pressure out of her.
And... It had to have meant something that she had allowed Jim into her house the day she gave them the Heavenly Water. Only Mon and Kirk and her grandmother and her staff had been let in before. And Sam hadn't... Hated it.
Besides, she knew she could always hang up at any point she felt like she wanted to.
So.
Yes.
Decision made, Sam cut off Jim's next vexed outburst. "Jim."
"Mm?" Sounding a little petulant, Jim's response terse and short, she tsked into the phone. "Oh? Remembered I'm here again? Look at me, pregnant and oh so forgettable! Is that any way for my baby to grow up, with a mother so forgettable?"
Sam narrowed her eyes. She couldn't help commenting. "And I thought Kade was the dramatic one."
"Oh! No, Kade's the melodramatic one. With a 'melo'. Keep up with me; even though she's not a mellow one, she's still 'melo'. Get it?"
"Jim."
There was an almost startled pause, and when Jim spoke again, her voice came out slower. "Hon.?"
Even with her resolution, it took a lot of effort to open her mouth, and Sam only managed it by forcing her tone to be as flat as possible. "Mon is at her parents' house."
Jim's response was deceptively light. "Oh?"
"Um."
When Sam didn't elucidate, Jim added, just as deceptively light, "And you?"
Sam didn't answer. Then, "I'm at the beach." It came out more sullen than intended, and she had to stop herself from making a face at herself, smoothing her expression instead.
Jim paused again, in such a way Sam knew she was trying to put pieces together. "...So when you say Mon's dog, you mean an actual dog?"
"Um."
"You have Mon's dog but no Mon?"
"Um."
Hearing the clack of short nails along the tiled floor fading as it came nearer, Sam turned her head, sticking out her hand to Singha, who was trundling towards her on the plush rug under the bed.
"Hon. Stupidity, why did you kidnap Mon's dog!?"
Sam frowned, pausing in her blind scratch between Singha's ears. "Why did me kidnapping Mon's dog be the first thing you think of?"
"Why would you think it wouldn't be the first thing I would think of?"
That was obvious. "Because kidnapping dogs is dumb."
"Yet, look who did it, hmm?" Jim huffed in irritation. "Fuzzy! Oh my god! Answer me now! My baby can barely handle it!"
"It's always about your baby," Sam drawled. When Jim practically growled, she sulked, pulling her hand back from Singha to sit up and lean back against the headboard. Wrapping her free arm around herself, she pressed her eyes closed, holding it for a count of three. "Fine." She dropped her shoulders, letting the air out of her lungs, "What did you want to know?"
"Like, I don't know! Maybe: Why aren't you with Mon? Why is she at home and you at the beach? And let alone Mon having a dog at all, why do you have it?" There was a pause, and then, "Don't you dare tell me you squandered the Heavenly Water I had to work so hard to get because you had a fight!"
Groaning inaudibly as she moved her phone away to give her ear a chance to recover from Jim's outburst, Sam reached over for the menu waiting on the bedside table with her other hand. She needed the energy to go forward with this, and at least with her mouth full, maybe she wouldn't have to answer everything Jim asked without resorting to hanging up.
While Mon was physically sitting with her parents and having dinner with them, her spoon and fork in her hands as she nodded along to the words they were saying, in truth she was only pushing the meager portions of food she had served herself around her plate, looking to the side with unfocused eyes when not having them half-lidded down at her plate.
When Mon let out another deep sigh, perfectly coordinated to happen when Aon and Pohn paused speaking, they exchanged looks with each other.
"Ahh, Mon," Aon started, setting his utensils down and leaning forward towards her, his deep voice still taking a few seconds to reach her attention, Mon blinking slowly before beginning to focus on him, "Do you know what time Lady Sam is going to arrive tomorrow?"
"Yes," Pohn interjected when Mon needed more time to catch up with their words, "I would like to know so I could prepare something to thank her for all she has given us. Hmm, dear?"
"I..." Color raised on Mon's face as she realized how brazenly - yet honestly unintentionally - she had been ignoring them. Lowering her own utensils, she slid her hands off the table to clasp them together in her lap, looking down and swallowing before being able to smile apologetically and meet her parents' eyes. "Sorry, Mum, Pa. No." She shook her head. "I don't know when Lady Sam is coming."
"Hmm," Aon nodded, "Do you think it will be before company hours? She still owns a business, you know, and has already taken time away to visit one of her employees."
Hearing the gentle rebuke, Mon flushed, dropping her gaze. "I know, Pa."
Even if her parents didn't know about the true nature of their fight, and that talking to them felt like she was just lying over and over to them while having to steel herself from becoming defensive at their assumptions, she knew that, truly, they meant well.
Even if sometimes, she just wanted to burst out and come clean about everything.
"Now, now," Pohn shook her head, giving her husband a slightly reproachful look before turning back to Mon, "We gave Singha to Hon. Lady Sam so she could have time to herself. She's always been very wise; I'm sure she knows what she can and cannot afford to do with her company."
Mon gave a wan smile, nodding.
Oh, did that sting. More and more, Mon was convinced keeping Mr. Kirk's secrets about Ms. Nita and the business joint-venture was a terrible thing to do. But she had promised Mr. Kirk, and she still felt guilty about her and Lady Sam...
"That's true," she agreed to push those thoughts away, "Lady Sam is very diligent when it comes to her company. She's barely missed any days coming to the office while I've been there." Mon was very proud of herself that her voice didn't quiver.
Pohn stood, starting to gather her dishes, "Yes, and all those long nights with you two working. All those hours, it's no wonder she accepted to take Singha for the day."
Aon nodded, chuckling, starting to stack his own dishes as well. "It's pretty quiet without him here, isn't it? First time in, what, thirteen years? Without a dog or two around. Ah." He turned to Mon, gesturing at her plate with a clearing of his throat. "Are you done, dear?"
"Oh." Mon looked down at her plate, nodding when her stomach twisted at the thought of trying to eat any more. "Yes. Thank you." Earlier, she would have tacked on something about her stomach still being upset and she should go back upstairs to rest, but her parents knew now that wasn't true. Instead, she could only sit there in acknowledgment that she was wasting food just because she could. It did not feel nice.
"Mmm," Pohn smiled, pausing with her plate in her arms to continue the topic from before. "We were very lucky that Hon. Lady Sam agreed to let us take Sua that day. Hopefully his son will help her now."
"And very lucky she saved me from that car," Mon murmured, still caught on her mum's previous sentence, remembering the feeling of looking up and seeing Lady Sam run behind the car for her. The relief she felt at realizing that that memory wasn't tainted made her exhale, a sniffle escaping a moment later. If she were to lose that...
A soft touch to her shoulder made her look up into her mum's calm expression, Aon busying himself by taking her plate to add it to his own across from her, and Mon smiled at them through rising tears. She didn't want to cry in front of them, didn't want to inconvenience them any more than she already had, but she also couldn't run away from them again, either.
Standing up from the table, Aon exchanged looks with his wife before nodding, stepping up to her to accept her dishes as well. Then, making an exaggerated sound of burden and bowing under the weight of all the dishes, he made a faux annoyed look at Mon with a muttered, "Always," looking proud of himself at Mon's automatic smile at the old joke.
"There, there," Pohn answered, waiting until he had made his way to the sink before patting Mon's shoulder and sliding into the chair next to her.
Mon swallowed, turning to face her.
"Mon."
Mon twisted her hands in her lap. She forced a smile on her face, nodding. "Yes?"
Pohn reached out, patiently waiting for Mon to unclench her hands before taking her trembling fingers into her own. She squeezed them. "You've been so quiet today, spending most of the day up in your room. And now, down here, around your family, you're still miles away. Honey... It isn't good to still be so upset, hmm?"
Mon flinched, her gaze dropping. She was unable to refute it.
Her mum studied her before humming thoughtfully. "Are you afraid that Hon. Lady Sam hates you?"
"I..." Opening her mouth, Mon's throat closed, stopping her. She wanted to deny that, wanted to believe that she could say with a hundred percent certainty that she wasn't afraid of that. That she believed that, not only was Lady Sam going to make things up between them - that she wanted to make things up between them, but that Mon was going to be able to forgive herself, too.
Or even going to be able to forgive Lady Sam, either.
Because even with Lady Sam's video and her own guilt...
She still hurt.
"Oh!" Pohn exclaimed as Mon exhaled out a shoulder shaking sob, releasing her hands to quickly scoot her chair closer so she could wrap her arms around her and pull her into her side.
Mon let herself sob for a few moments, drinking in her mum's squeezes and pats. Normally, she'd be extremely embarrassed, protesting to herself that she was now an adult and shouldn't inconvenience her mother so, but everything had been so overwhelming lately.
From learning the truth about how Lady Sam was, to starting her mind whirling 'game', to agreeing to keep incredibly important secrets from Lady Sam against her best judgment, to watching the woman she'd realized she'd fallen in love with's fiancé propose, to said woman turning around and firing her while freezing her out, to becoming lovers and being naked in front of another person for the first time in her life, to giving herself, heart and body and soul to the person she loved most in the world, to having her lover reject her the very next day by accusing her of cheating on her with two different men. That didn't even include learning that she was capable of falling in love with a woman in the first place, nor the highly embarrassing knowledge, in the deepest part of her mind, that she had thought about getting her hands and mouth on that woman to break her apart like she did her as punishment.
Slowly becoming aware of her mum talking quietly to her, Mon hiccuped, breathing in deeply until she was calm enough to sit back up, unable to meet her mum's eyes.
"Dear, look at me. Hmm?" Pohn coaxed gently, waiting until Mon lifted her burning eyes to hers, "There we go. There you are. Shh, shh." Flushing as her mum intently studied her face with gentle concern, reaching up to smooth Mon's hair back from her face like she had when she was younger, Mon took the opportunity to raise her own hand to brush away the tears that trailed down her cheeks.
When she opened her mouth to say... Something, her mum stopped her by retaking her hands, looking down and hesitating for a second. "This wasn't just a normal fight, was it?" she asked, studying her face again.
Mon tensed, only barely able to relax enough to give a quick shake of her head. She felt like a deer in the headlights, staring at her mum with what almost felt like terror burning from her heart and up into her throat, starting to squeeze.
She knew her parents knew she had idolized Lady Sam since she was a child, and that they had supported her the whole time. They had then supported her spending most nights at Lady Sam's house, barely seeing them once or twice a week, and then only continued supporting her when she'd shown up to stay in her room and away from work after Jim's wedding and the day before. She knew all that. But what she didn't know was how they rationalized her behavior. Or Lady Sam's with her.
Every time Mon had spoken to Nop in the yard of her house, she had steeled herself to walk back into a house that knew before sliding the door open. But every time, neither her mum or pa ever treated her any differently, or like they had heard any of her conversations. She had honestly begun to wonder how long her luck was going to last. Nop surely hadn't been quiet that night he had pressed Mon if she and Lady Sam had been about to kiss, and Mon hadn't been able to stop from thinking that that had used up quite a bit of it.
And now, perhaps Lady Sam showing up at her house like the affected lover she was and not like the apologetic boss her parents told her she was was going to end up being more than she could avoid talking about and more than they could fully turn a blind eye to anymore.
Pohn rubbed Mon's hands clasped in hers. "I didn't ask you before, not wanting to pry in either your or Hon. Lady Sam's business."
Mon slowly, jerkily nodded. She felt like she didn't, couldn't blink, trying to read what her mum's expression was.
"But... Honey, the fight wasn't about work, was it?"
"I... No." Mon breathed stiltedly. Her heart began to trip, loud in her chest. Was she... Was she going to be doing this now?
Did she want to do this now?
"Mum. I..."
Pohn smiled, letting her stop talking with a gentle shake of her head. "Mon," she leaned forward, patiently waiting until Mon was able to meet her gaze again.
Her eyes burning as she tried to figure out if she was relieved or guilty that she had stopped her from saying what she was pretty sure she wasn't ready to say yet, Mon had to force herself to focus back on her mum.
Her mum gave her another smile, this one so honest and warm and reassuring that Mon could only believe that her mum believed what she was saying without a fraction of a doubt. "Mon, whatever this is about, I can guarantee that the Hon. Lady Sam who came here yesterday to see you adores you just as much as you adore her." She squeezed her hands again. "Trust in that, and eventually you will trust in her like you already trust in yourself. Hmm? You will get through this. I know how strong you are."
Mon, closing her eyes, let herself believe that for the first time since she came downstairs.
...
She just didn't know why holding her mum's hands made her feel so sad, too.
Sam was tired.
Her ache was still there, her body missing Mon as she lay on the unfamiliar, expensively comfortable bed. And while she had taken Singha out for a walk underneath the outside lights to do his business after finally hanging up with Jim, her thoughts were still twisting around what her friend had said to her.
"Aiiii, Stupid Hooooorn," Jim had moaned through the phone halfway through her flat explanation of overhearing her employees talk about Mon and Kirk, cutting her off before she could add the other things that she had noticed to her explanation why she could have immediately jumped to the conclusion she had, "You're so lucky that girl is so hopelessly in love with you! Please tell me you did not confront her."
Sam's silence spoke for itself.
"Ah. Oh no. No. You didn't."
"...No."
"Don't you lie to me! Yes you did."
When Sam moved on to finding Kirk holding Mon's hands in the out of the way park, telling her that he liked her, Jim sighed tiredly. "I wish I could drink. Okay. Mmm. Okay, I'll give you that one."
The agreement that she wasn't out of line to jump to that conclusion made Sam feel justified for a few moments as she then answered Jim's question about what happened next. "I pushed him down."
"...Eh?"
"I pushed him." Sam kept that she had then clawed her hands into Kirk's shirt to pull him back up for more to herself. Even if the sight of his stretched and subsequently ill-fitting clothing had filled her with hot satisfaction. She also decided to keep that Kirk had assumed she was jealous over him to herself as well. That felt too uncomfortable. Too... Much like thinking about it too much would make her think about other things she didn't want to.
"Ah! He didn't even warrant a slap? Good. I don't want you kissing anyone else in exchange for those except me."
Sam rolled her eyes, tapping her fingers against her mouth. She'd already promised Mon she wouldn't kiss anyone else ever again. "He needed to get away from Mon."
When she lapsed into silence again, remembering what she had thrown back at Mon after she had tried to pull her back from attacking Kirk, wanting to hurt her but knowing immediately that she had messed up, Sam swallowed thickly, having to avert her eyes as her guilt rattled itself through her.
"So, what was Kirk doing with Mon?"
Jim's voice bringing her back to focus, she dispassionately explained about the troll she had been fighting on Facebook, something Sam was still conflicted about because it was so... Dumb. All of that energy she had been expending? Had been at Kirk. Who had then drawn Mon into it and used her naiveté to make her feel like she couldn't talk to her, something Sam wanted to hate him for. How dare he sink his pleas and cowardice into Mon and take advantage of her loyalty?
Mon was her lover. Not Kirk's. And yet Mon had deemed it more important to keep her loyalty to Sam's fiancé instead of Sam herself?
Did Mon really think she couldn't talk to her?
Would she really rather lie for someone else?
...
Sam shoved down that train of thought as hard as she could.
Jim, to Sam's consternation, had found the reveal of Sam's troll hilarious, and was still chuckling when Sam glossed over yelling at Mon, sobering up when Sam mentioned that she had walked away from her.
"You let her leave? Crying?"
Sam didn't answer.
"Oh my god! I know you're bad at emotions, Hon. Stupidity, but how heartless can you be? You stayed to confront your fiancé instead of comforting your lover?"
Sam glowered, stung. "She wanted to leave."
"Mmhm." Jim did not sound convinced at all. "And?"
Sam ran her fingers through her hair, remembering how absolutely livid she had been, it combining so overwhelmingly with the devastation spiraling through her once she realized what had passed her lips. It had been safer to round on Kirk, confronting him, than face that looking at Mon made her feel angry and betrayed and worried that she had just pushed her away even as she was convinced she had been cheating on her. "I needed to confront Kirk."
The sigh Jim let out ended a lot more understandingly than it started. "Okay, maybe it was a good thing you didn't follow right away."
Sam looked away.
"So?" Jim perked up a little, obviously already thinking about a plan of attack on how to smooth everything over between her and Mon, "Is that why you're hiding at the beach now? You haven't talked to her yet?"
"...Mm-mn."
"No?"
"Um."
"What? Use your words! No, you haven't talked to her? No, that's not why you're hiding at the beach? No, some other no? Speak! Don't stop now!"
Sam rolled over, shifting over the side of the bed to look down at Singha. The small dog having gotten bored after begging while Sam had eaten her dinner was now slumbering, letting out a soft sigh and stretching slightly as Sam, first pushing her hair behind her shoulder, reached down to pet along his side. She wasn't comfortable, her lungs restricted against the mattress with the arm of her hand holding her phone cramping as she leaned on it, but she didn't want to move. Instead, watching him and deciding to ignore Jim's assertion that she was 'hiding', she let Singha anchor her, keeping her eyes on his chest rising and falling under the tips of her fingers. "I went after Mon."
"Okay, good! That's progress. I'm so proud of you, Fuzzy! How did it go?"
Sam stroked along Singha's ribs.
This was the worst part. Where she had been completely taken over. Where she said such terrible things out of sheer jealousy.
Where she had broken Mon's and her own heart all over again.
Clenching her eyes shut, Sam swallowed, trying to stop the hot surge of jealousy that still rose inside her as she remembered what she had come upon. She didn't think that jealousy would ever go away. Nop was too close to Mon, too important to her to make her push him away completely even if she didn't return his interest in her.
Singha exhaled deeply. Sam made herself exhale with him.
"When I found her, she was under the arm of her childhood friend, Nop."
It was late. Unable to sleep, her hands stroking along the blanket at her waist, Mon turned her head to look at the lamp she had left on near her bed.
Without even thinking about it, Mon had climbed into her bed the night before with her lights still on. She had laid there, sniffling and still crying, trying to force all thoughts out of her brain so she could hopefully fall asleep, the quiet sound of her parents walking past her room, voices low, making her turn over and away from them. Her eyes fluttering as another sob built in her chest, Mon had whimpered, curled further into herself, and... Opened her eyes just enough to register the lack of darkness in her room. Instantly awake and staring at the light on over her desk, Mon's face crumpled, but she had managed to hold back another sob long enough to push herself out of bed and turn off all but one of the lights. Standing there, her hand halfway stretched towards the last lamp, she'd closed her eyes, turned away, and slid back into bed, leaving it shining brightly above her.
Now, taking in the light falling over her face, her eyes trailing down to trace it spilling down her chest before curving away with the bend of the lampshade, Mon curled her fingers into her blanket.
She felt the absence of Sam even more tonight. Not only was she more mentally present to be aware of all the ways and of how much she really missed her, but, having seen the marks Lady Sam had left on her again as she'd changed for bed, Mon's mind had wandered down a familiar track, leaving her unable to stop herself from feeling the awareness she now had about what else they could do instead of just biting, kissing, and sleeping.
Moving her left hand up to rub along her right arm, Mon pushed her head back against her pillow to stare up at the ceiling. She didn't want to think about that now. Instead, she forced her mind to go in the opposite direction.
After her pronouncement, her mum had sat with her a while longer, lending her quiet support as Mon stared into space, processing what she said. Then, as Mon exhaled, her shoulders wavering at the strength of it, Pohn squeezed her hands one last time, letting her go. "Let me go check on your stepfather, and then I'll get you some water, okay? Hm? That okay, dear?"
When Mon gave her a small nod, whispering a soft, embarrassed, "Thank you," her mum only smiled and nodded back, wrapping her shoulders in a quick, light hug before patting her arm as she turned away. Watching as she left to find where Aon had gone so as not to intrude on her and her mum, Mon, touched at his sensitivity, turned back to the table, sniffling and brushing away some of the still damp tears on her cheeks with the palm of her hand.
And, even though she wanted to run and hide back inside her room, discomfited once again at having inconvenienced her parents, Mon sat and waited for her mum - followed right behind by her step-father - to come back, even managing a small flicker of excitement to agree to Aon's suggestion about going out for ice cream, something they hadn't been able to do as a family recently.
It had been while she was scooping up a spoonful of ice cream, absently listening to her parents talk in between answering questions about how her friends were doing, that Mon realized, somewhere along the way, that she had decided she was going to tell Lady Sam about Mr. Kirk and Ms. Nita and the join-venture. Sitting with the decision long enough to have her Pa have to prompt her, Mon answered that Yuki was seeing someone new, and, when his attention had been taken off of her, set her cup of ice cream down so she could lace her fingers together in front of herself.
Once again lacing her hands together now on her stomach, eyes facing the ceiling but not seeing it, Mon tried to think about reversing that decision, about continuing to keep Mr. Kirk and Ms. Nita's secret. About continuing to talk to Lady Sam about trust when what she was doing was, truly, betrayal.
And there it was, Mon's words about never betraying Lady Sam getting thrown back at her, true even if what Lady Sam meant in that moment was incorrect.
Mon felt low, small, ashamed of herself. At the time, she had been saying what she could to get away from Lady Sam, but it didn't mean that she didn't fundamentally believe that love needed trust.
And Mon loved Lady Sam. Was in love with her.
Could Mon truly trust in herself if she put someone else ahead of the person she loved? She didn't enjoy the thought of betraying Mr. Kirk, it still twisting her insides at the thought of breaking her promise, but if she was honest, she hated that he had put her into that position in the first place. Twice. And one of those secrets getting revealed had ended up... How it ended up.
Which meant that Mon had to trust that coming clean to Lady Sam would be the right thing to do, even if Lady Sam never wanted anything to do with her after she told her.
Mon swallowed, her breath catching. Even if Lady Sam would never love her again.
Because, underneath everything, even the hurt she was still feeling and her already given loyalty to Mr. Kirk, that was what was really worrying Mon. It was selfish. She was selfish.
And she really wanted to be selfish!
Maybe Mon would never be found out, but Mon would always know! And on the other side of that coin, how selfish would it be to keep Lady Sam until she was found out? Would Mon even deserve that?
...No. it wouldn't be fair on either of them if Mon waited for Lady Sam to apologize without stepping onto equal ground herself. So, that was what she needed to do, even if she lost Lady Sam.
Mon closed her eyes at that thought.
Even if, when tomorrow came, Mon wasn't able to forgive Lady Sam, she still needed to tell her the truth.
Raising her hands to her face, Mon pressed her knuckles against her eyelids, so tired of crying but unable to stop it.
No matter how angry Lady Sam got at her or how much it felt like betraying Mr. Kirk all over again, she was going to tell her.
I'm so sorry, Mr. Kirk.
I'm so sorry, Lady Sam.
I'm so sorry.
Sam had endured Jim's strongly worded remonsterations, knowing she deserved them, even as she also resented her friend's censure at the same time. Jim echoed a lot of the thoughts Sam already had, but she also pointed out how traumatizing it had probably been for Mon, who had completed the mission for the first time just the night before.
When Sam had pointed that it was her first time completing the mission as well, Jim had sighed, sounding fed up. "And you don't think that's a reason why you reacted so strongly, either?"
That had silenced Sam.
"Fuzzy Horn..." Jim gentled her tone, sounding so affectionate it made Sam squirm, wanting to hang up in principle but also making her want to listen even closer to what she was saying, "Both you and Mon are new to love, and to being lovers. You are both going to make mistakes. But..."
"You make that sound like you never did," Sam accused.
"But! Shh! I'm still talking. But, as long as you and Mon both still have love, you'll be able to make it through anything. Look at me! My baby was a surprise, but my hubby loved me enough to propose, and I loved him enough to agree. Now, we're excited!"
That was sweet. Sam couldn't hate it. "Mmm."
"And you will get to be excited, too, my friend. Let me just give you some advice on how to talk to Mon."
Sam frowned. "I'm already planning on talking to her tomorrow. When I take Singha back." She paused. "She's expecting me."
"Be honest," Jim said as if she hadn't heard her, "Apologize - beg if you have to. Any way to make sure Mon knows you mean it."
Sam covered her eyes with her hand. "Jim."
"You need to make sure there is no doubt in that girl's mind that you love her. Get her a present."
"I already have one." The bracelets she had snuck away to buy while Mon had been distracted by a sales attendant during their dieversary. The bracelets still waiting where she had set them to retrieve when Mon came back home with her.
"Better yet, a present and flowers! Or, wait, no, that might remind her of my wedding." Jim made a negative sound. "I changed my mind. Don't do that."
Sam nodded. "Couldn't do that anyway. Her parents don't know."
That stopped Jim. "They don't? What do they think you're doing all the time when she's at your place?"
Sam honestly did not know what they thought, but she honestly didn't care, either, as long as they didn't stop her from having Mon home with her.
"Mm." Jim hummed in faint surprise, "Well - never mind. There's one more thing." She lowered her voice. "This is the main event, so make sure you understand this and listen to me."
"Um."
"Are you listening?"
Sam shuttered her eyes for the nth time during this conversation. "No. I'm hanging up."
"No you are not. This is important, and you will thank me. Just like you did when I got you the Heavenly Water. Understand? Answer me. Understand?"
Sam didn't want to answer, but did so anyway, sighing. "I'm listening."
"Good. Okay. Fuzzy. Dear friend. Listen to me: Make sure you let Mon get angry at you." She giggled. "Making up can be... Mmm."
Sam furrowed her brow, looking in the direction of her phone. "Eh?"
Ignoring her, Jim moued loudly, "Ahh, but now I'm jealous of her!"
Letting the rest of their conversation fade away, not ready to think about how... Open she had ended up being with Jim, Sam instead tried to focus on how, even if she had reaffirmed some of her guilt about what she had done instead of just giving her advice, Sam's new impulse had, ultimately, been proven correct. Without Mon as an option, talking to Jim had worked to help ease some of the pressure out of her.
Sam ran her fingers over her breastbone.
At least for the time being.
Exhaling, Sam closed her eyes and shook her head, pulling her sheets further up her body before rolling in the direction she could hear Singha softly snoring. As she listened to him, she smiled. He wasn't Mon, but he reminded her of her, snores and all, and she was a little less lonely with him around. It was nice.
...Sam's forehead wrinkled.
Wait.
Pushing up on her elbow and leaning over the bed to look at Singha again, Sam frowned at him.
Had she taken him from Mon who'd needed him to not feel lonely, too?
Sam's frown deepened. She hadn't even made sure to verify that Mon had been okay with her taking Singha, and indeed, had even partly assumed that Mon hadn't even known about it, still most likely closed up in her room when she'd sent the video.
...Maybe that was even the explanation for the [angry face emoji][dog emoji] part of her text.
Her heart sinking, Sam pushed herself up into a sitting position, continuing to stare down at Singha as he yawned and shifted into a new position at the sound of the rustling blankets.
Sam thought quickly. She couldn't bring him back to Mon, not anytime soon, and certainly not before the early hours of the morning. So, what could she...
Ahah!
When Singha easily slipped back into a light snore, Sam reached for her phone on the bedside table. Before she could hesitate or tell herself Mon didn't want to hear from her again that day more than she might miss her dog, Sam opened the camera app. Aiming it at Singha and making sure the picture she took wasn't blurry, she sent it off to Mon, only exhaling when her phone was back on the bedside table.
There. Hopefully, if Mon was still up, she'd be able to feel like Singha was with her, too.
Staring into space for a few moments, Sam sighed, scratched her neck, told herself she shouldn't expect a response, and slid back under the covers. Closing her eyes, she tried to ignore the part of herself that was wondering if Mon was missing her just as much as she might be missing her dog.
Immediately reaching for her phone when the text notification sounded, Mon pulled it up to her face. Expecting Yuki to have sent her another late night check in, Mon stopped when she saw Lady Sam's face looking at her instead of Yuki's. Her heart jumped. "Lady Sam?"
Before she could tell herself it was Lady Sam telling her that she wouldn't be seeing her tomorrow after all, or listening to the raw, jangling exposed nerves she had been trying to quiet ever since her decision, Mon clicked it open.
Singha. Curled up on a plush looking rug, obviously asleep, the unexpected sight of her dog made Mon laugh, her chest warming a second later.
Lady Sam was thinking of her. Even if she had sent the pic to show Mon that Singha was okay, which was doubtful at this hour, or as some kind of present for Mon, Mon was touched. Even with the current rift between them, Lady Sam was doing her best to be considerate, one of the reasons Mon had found herself drawn to the taciturn once she had started opening up to her.
Smiling, Mon lifted her finger to tap picture Singha's little nose, her curiosity making her study the rest of the picture as if she would get an idea of where Lady Sam was, even if it was just a good look at the rug Singha was curled up on.
Imagining herself sitting on the plush rug, surely as soft as it looked, bent over Singha and gently trailing her fingers over the small dog's wrinkly face, amused at how his ears and cheeks twitched, Mon shivered as suddenly a warm hand trailed itself in a match of her own along the back of her shoulders, turning to sweep her hair away as soft lips tingled down the back of her neck. "Lady Sam..." her imagined self breathed, having to drop her hands to curl in the rug as a slim, strong arm wrapped around her, pulling her back into the curve of her lover's chest, the hand in her hair dipping to stroke along the sensitive hollow of her neck. Dark hair moved into view as Mon, breath deepening, turned her head to try and look behind her, her eyes ending up fluttering closed as her lover's nose brushed along her cheek. Arms tightening around her as long fingers splayed across her throat, firmly, slowly pulling her head back to move her into place for a pair of sharp, strong teeth to bite down onto her lower lip, Mon gasped into her lover's mouth as the sudden roughness seared through her body, making her clench and shake and boneless. Those teeth eased just enough for a soft tongue to swipe along the leftover sting pulsing with her heartbeat, and, reaching back to dig her fingers into her lover's arms, Mon's needy whimper of, "Lady Sam...!" was swallowed by a bruising, possessive mouth.
And, just as Mon was getting firmly lowered down onto her back against the rug, the kiss deepening as she clutched and pulled her lover down onto her, her legs falling open as she arched her hips up... Her viewpoint shifted.
Suddenly, she was the one on top of Lady Sam, holding her down as she plundered her mouth, rocking her hips nestled between Lady Sam's legs. Lady Sam was panting into her mouth, her chest heaving under Mon's palm as she wrenched away, throwing her head back and groaning as Mon switched to sucking and biting along the line of her throat, body quivering as her hands squeezed and trembled along Mon's bicep and the back of her neck, both pulling her closer and pushing her back, as if they were listening to both her mind and body. "Mon," she moaned, biting her lower lip and shuddering as Mon rocked her hips harder into her, curling her body so she could irreverently nip her way down her breastbone, dark hickeys left blooming in her wake, "Oh, Mon." Her hands already having pulled the buttons of Lady Sam's dress open, splayed out against the rug, Mon, dark eyes lifting to meet Lady Sam's as Lady Sam almost desperately pushed her fingers into her hair to sweep it back so she could see what was happening, turned her head to scrape her teeth along the trembling pulse in Lady Sam's wrist, tongue flickering out to taste her skin. As Lady Sam inhaled in response, her stomach twitching against hers as Mon's breath washed down her body, Mon lowered her mouth, wrapping her lips around the flesh reaching up for her...
Mon snapped her eyes open. Wildly staring up at the ceiling, she sucked in deep breath after deep breath, clenching one hand over her hammering heart, her other squeezing tightly around the phone still in her grasp.
Her face and body burned.
Where had that come from? Had her subconscious been waiting the whole time for her guard to slip to display that fantasy right in front of her now that she knew what completing the mission with Lady Sam was like?
Unable to close her eyes without seeing the look on Lady Sam's face her mind had supplied, it mixing with the memory of her above her two nights before, Mon desperately tried to calm herself down by preemptively providing herself convincing reasons why she didn't need to be embarrassed instead.
It didn't work at taking away her self-inflicted embarrassment, but it did manage to slow her heart, and with her pounding heart went the warmth glowing between her legs... Thankfully.
Once she felt settled enough that moving didn't leave her feeling awkward, Mon slipped out of her bed to dart quickly to the bathroom.
Crawling back into her bed fifteen minutes later, feeling refreshed and only still slightly mortified, Mon sighed as she rolled onto her side, paused, couldn't help but crack a grin, and felt a laugh bubble up.
Wow.
Letting that exclamation trickle away, not yet ready to examine it, Mon sobered. Amusement aside, she was now even more aware of how alone she was... And how much she was missing Lady Sam.
Sighing, and brushing her hair away from her slightly warm forehead, only a little blush crossing her cheeks, Mon, slowly, unlocked her phone, almost afraid to set eyes on the picture Lady Sam had sent her. But when it only made her smile again, enjoying seeing Singha comfortable and content, she let herself relax.
Lady Sam being so sweet was leaving her off-kilter. Vulnerable. Needy.
Mon exhaled, resting the top of her phone against the side of her chin.
She wasn't ready to forgive Lady Sam yet without talking to her first.
She wasn't ready to confess her own secrets to Lady Sam yet without talking to her first.
She wasn't even ready to have that conversation with Lady Sam either without getting sleep first.
...
But all the conversations and decisions she'd had and come to through the day had left her so worn out and sensitive that it didn't take a lot of convincing to know what she wanted to do. She just hoped Lady Sam wouldn't misconstrue its meaning.
Tapping on the button that would call the contact she was looking at, Mon inhaled before moving her phone to her ear.
Instead, she hoped Lady Sam would take this for what it was: Mon missing Lady Sam so much she didn't care about putting their fight on hold so she could hear her voice, if only for a second.
As the call continued to ring in her ear, Mon's confidence started to waver.
Maybe this was a terrible idea and Lady Sam was already asleep or didn't want -
Lady Sam abruptly picked up, voice sharp. "Mon."
Mon flinched, her voice escaping her as she realized just how badly she had misjudged this idea. "I-I'm sorry, Lady Sam. For calling at this hour. Please, sleep well. Good night - "
"Mon." This time, Lady Sam's voice was panicked, "Wait, wait, don't hang up! I was just worried that something was wrong. Don't hang up. I didn't... Think you were going to call me."
Unable to stop from letting out a relieved sigh after a moment of processing what had been said, Mon closed her eyes, focusing on listening to the other side of the phone. That little bit of Lady Sam's voice sounding in her ear had already curled its way inside her, easing things she hadn't even realized were tight. "Okay, Lady Sam. I won't hang up."
"Good."
Mon smiled.
"So..." Lady Sam started hesitantly, voice soft, "You are okay, then?"
Mon paused, trying to choose the correct words. Finally settling on some, she spoke purposefully, concentrating to make sure her intentions would make their way through. "For right now? Only during this phone call?"
"...Ah. Um. For right now, only during this phone call."
"Then yes." Mon smiled again, rolling over onto her back to wrap her free arm around herself, "I just wanted to thank you for the picture of Singha. He looks very well taken care of, Lady Sam."
There was a rustle, then a sound like Lady Sam was repositioning herself. When it next sounded like Lady Sam was whispering just out of range of the phone, Mon furrowed her eyebrows. "Lady Sam?" she asked cautiously.
Just as the thought that there was someone there with Lady Sam started to occur to her, Lady Sam let out a quiet triumphant noise. Speaking normally again, she sounded a little far away, "You're on speaker phone, Singha."
Her mouth opening, followed by her eyes, Mon stared incredulously up at the ceiling. Was she - she was really doing this? "Lady Sam?"
"Mmm. Singha. Here."
Still incredulous, imagining Lady Sam leaning off of a bed to stick her phone in front of her dog, Mon couldn't help but strain her ears in case she really was going to hear something.
"Don't be rude. Singha. Here. Here. Say something for Mon. Say - ah! Mon! Did you hear that?"
Unable to stop the giggles that had been building up, Mon let out a peal before putting her fist to her mouth. "If you mean something that could have been him sniffing, then yes, I did hear him, Lady Sam. Thank you."
There was more rustling, Lady Sam's voice coming back to right next to the phone. "You're welcome." She sounded absolutely smug with herself, and Mon didn't have the heart to admit she hadn't heard anything at all, just guessing at what had happened, knowing her dog. It was the thought that counted, and Mon found it very, very silly, but also very, very sweet.
Knowing that this, right now, was only temporary, made it feel bittersweet, but no less touching. Whatever else going on, Mon knew she would always feel proud that she got to see this side of Lady Sam that no one else did.
After a short while, Lady Sam spoke up, her voice quiet. "I'm sorry, Mon. I didn't think about you being lonely without him when I took him for the day."
Mon shook her head. "It's alright. I have Mum and Pa, if I need them."
"Um."
"But I worry more about you, Lady Sam. You're always in big spaces." Mon shifted onto her side again, smiling and pulling her blankets tighter around herself. "I'm glad you have Singha to keep you company."
"Mmm. I'm not lonely when you're with me."
Mon opened her mouth but didn't say anything, letting that statement sit there. Truthfully, it wasn't the time for a statement like that.
As time passed without Mon saying anything, Lady Sam backpedaled. "Er, mm, Mon, I was thinking of bringing Singha back - "
"I can't sleep without the light on," Mon spoke up, hoping she was doing the right thing. Lady Sam had been honest with her, and it felt like she needed to give her some honesty back.
Lady Sam paused. "You can't?"
"No. I can't. I can't put all my lights on, though, because that would use too much electricity." Mon looked up towards the lamp shining near her, "But I leave the lamp closest to my bed on. I'm... Used to it now."
Silence.
Then, "Mmm." It was thick, almost rough, and Mon heard Lady Sam breathe out. "I slept on the sofa last night. Last... Last morning."
Mon buried a shy smile into her pillow before shifting to the side to be able to speak. "You did?"
"Um."
They lapsed into another period of silence, Mon's eyes closing as she listened to Lady Sam breathe.
Finally, Lady Sam exhaled, hmmming wordlessly loud enough to pull Mon's attention back. "Mon?"
"Yes, Lady Sam?"
"It's late. We should sleep."
...Oh. Mon nodded, pressing her phone into her cheek. She should have known Lady Sam wouldn't feel comfortable in this nebulous space for very long, especially with emotions involved. Lady Sam preferred to do that in person, where she could watch Mon instead of trying to interpret from her voice alone what Mon was feeling.
Still, Mon paused as long as she could and still be polite, wanting to hold on to this a little longer. Ultimately, she smiled, her free hand curling over her heart. "You're right. Good night, Lady Sam."
"Good night."
Hearing the sound change of the phone line closing, Sam pulled her phone from her ear, set it onto the bedside table, and settled back under the covers, pressing her hand to the heavy thrum of her heart a second later.
Mon had called her.
Thump thump.
Even hurt, even with what Sam had done to her, Mon had called her.
Thump thump.
Mon had called her, because Mon still loved her.
Thump thump.
Sam wasn't going to take this second chance for granted.
Thump thump.
Thump thump.
Thump thump.
A/N2: Listen, Mon is young, has just been exposed to being sexually active, and we know in canon, very happy and willing to top Sam the moment they get back together. That had to come from somewhere. This is just me giving her an avenue to build herself up to actually doing it, that's all.