Of course he didn't know what was wrong — No one did! She had perfected the art of keeping her pain locked away so deep inside so that nobody would ever know. She could turn a scream into nothing but a whisper, keep tears unshed and function perfectly well - All while dying inside.
"Are you ready to talk? Let's talk."
Talking - The exchange of words, thoughts, feelings. No, she was not ready to talk because she had no way of explaining the feelings she had right now. Her mind was filled with visions that had no explanation.
She kept it all in her head - didn't show weakness or emotion. Locked it all away and never let it out. She wouldn't let the demons of the past and present combine to bring her down. Her focus was putting one foot in front of the other and fooling everyone around her into believing she was perfectly fine. Then, when silence fell and everyone was asleep - Then those feelings were allowed to surface. She could give in and bring it all to the forefront of her mind because that way, she didn't have to give in to sleep.
But the slightest sound would wake him because he'd been so attentive, so worried, so desperate to help her that he was suffocating her. So she locked herself in the bathroom, climbed into the bath and sobbed. She wasn't entirely sure what or who the tears were for - Maybe a culmination of all the horrendous things she'd witnessed, heard or been part of. Or maybe it was because she made it home to her family - to her husband, when others weren't so lucky.
She wanted him. No - She needed him. She needed him to stop the spiral before its grip became too tight. She needed him to wrap his arms around her until everything made sense. She needed him to calm her and whisper in her ear that everything would be alright - To drown out the constant buzzing and noise that invaded her every thought. She needed him to just be him because he wasn't afraid of her pain or darkness. He wasn't phased by her outbursts or upset with her silence.
He was a prince. No, he was a king amongst men. A rare breed who hadn't let the harsh reality of a heartless world take away his kindness and compassion. He listened to hear, not just to reply. He spoke up but only when he had something valid to say - And everything he had ever said to her was valid.
But what was she? If he was a king - How could he love her? Her moral compass wasn't as precise as his. Her ethics were flawed and her intentions often questionable. She felt inferior and unworthy - And yet the more inadequate she felt, the harder he loved her. The more he spoke in such a way that convinced her, if only for a very short time, that she was everything.
He had whispered into the dark one night, so early on in their relationship that she hadn't even realised that they were anything special, that he truly believed some souls were destined to find a way to connect, to find each other without any pre-determination or reason. He said he had known the very first time they met - Deep inside and without question - He genuinely believed that they felt each other so deeply and so completely - That fate had shown its hand and the rest was up to them.
But that was then — That was before her experience of life and the horrors and difficult choices it threw at her. That was before she was flawed and tainted and broken. That was the girl he fell in love with - not the woman she was now. That was when she felt worthy of his love - A love she no longer felt she deserved. That was another lifetime ago.
Another night of silence wrapped in darkness. No sleep, no peace - Just the loneliness and solitude of her own thoughts. Another night of keeping herself shielded from his concern, hidden from his embrace and wracked with survivors guilt. He wanted to understand and god knows he had tried. But some things were hers alone to bear. She couldn't share them or offload them - They were chained to her forever. Permanent reminders of all the things that haunted her.
But then - In that darkness she felt him. His breath on her neck, his arms wrapped tightly around her body, his hands gripping hers as he said with such unyielding conviction.
"When I tell you that I love you - I don't say it out of habit or necessity. I say it because I mean it. When I tell you that I will take care of you - I say it because that's what I am going to do. No matter how much you push me away or tell me you're fine - my place is between you and all the things in this world that can possibly hurt you."
And when she asked him why - His answer was simple.
"Because I loved you in another life, in another universe and I promised I would find you. I promised I would always find you and when I did - I knew I was home. Because - Elizabeth McCord - What lies within you is a beauty rarely seen which cannot be broken. And when you showed me your heart - You captured mine - Forever."