When you travel across the country with someone for a couple of months, you would think that they would care for you the way you care for them. I travelled from Boston to St. Mary's Hospital to Jackson in a year with someone I care for deeply, but at the sacrifice of a lie. She believes that being immune doesn't matter when it does, but no one out there would try to find us.

Travelling to the hospital in search of the Fireflies to turn Ellie in for her immunity for what I thought would be testing was one of the hardest things I've had to do in my years of smuggling. I told myself not to become attached to the girl, but when you spend so much time with someone, you can't help but learn to love and care for them. I did whatever I could to keep her safe. I'll always keep her safe.

Marlene, the queen bee of the Fireflies, who was once my friend, was killed due to the love that I developed for Ellie. I would kill for her. I didn't want to kill anymore then, but when I met Ellie, I felt obligated to keep her safe for as long as possible. I see Sarah in her. The amount that she cares for people, wanting to make sure that everyone is alright, but also the amount of sarcasm and humour that she gives me. Sarah had the same spirit. They would have gotten along well.

We got to Jackson a few weeks ago, and we've been getting into what the normal is. I've left Ellie alone for the most part, checking up on her every once in a while to ensure she's adjusting well. When we first arrived, we were bombarded with food and fresh water; neither of us had experienced that in years, and Ellie might not have experienced it until we arrived.

While in Boston, the hatred towards FEDRA for keeping the food from us or having a shortage of it caused many of us to go without food unless we grew our own or controlled it in a way for emergencies. I had to be careful regarding food, and so did Tess. Neither of us were starving, but that didn't mean we weren't hungry. Many people in the QZ were, but FEDRA didn't care. They only cared about ensuring they had food and that if anyone was infected, they'd kill them on the spot. Leaving the QZ unauthorized is illegal, but that didn't keep people from going; it taught many of us how to be sneaky.

When Marlene gave us the assignment to take something out of Boston, I never imagined that it would be a girl, but travelling with Ellie, gave me a new sense of life. We laughed and joked and became very close. It felt as if I had a daughter again. When I realized how much I cared for her, I told myself that I would keep her safe forever, ensuring that nothing harmed her like FEDRA killed Sarah. I know I can't have Sarah back, but Sarah sent me Ellie, so I'll make sure to care for her the way I cared about Sarah.

I've never cared for anyone since she passed away in my arms. The trauma that I had been given due to the event after Outbreak Day, which is also my birthday and the anniversary of my daughter's death. That will probably be one of my worst days in history.

Nowadays, everyone in Jackson is to do some sort of chore, whether gardening or patrolling or building a new building as more people move in. Once I was settled in enough, Tommy wanted to take me out patrolling due to the experience I had out in the world. If there's anyone who would be considered an expert at killing infected, it would be me. At this point, I've killed more infected than I have people, which is better for my mental health. I hate killing people, but sometimes it's what needs to be done to keep people safe.

Today marks three weeks since Ellie and I have arrived at Jackson permanently, and Tommy is taking me out patrolling. For the past couple of weeks, I have debated whether I should tell him what I did to save Ellie. It's a lot to take on as a person, and he wouldn't be allowed to tell Maria due to my not fully trusting her. Maybe in a few years, I'll let her know, but as of right now, I would rather not.

Riding in the mountains between towns is calming. It's the best part of patrolling; riding horses and creating a stronger bond with the partner you are assigned for that day. I'll chat with Tommy without disrupting other people or infected. I trust my brother with all of my heart, and I understand that we've been apart for many years, and sharing what I have been through will bring us closer together. In all the years that I had been in Boston by myself, I never thought I would be able to spend quality time with my younger brother again.

While patrolling, I tell him about all the smuggling stories of Tess and me before Ellie came along, and I'm saving that story for the end of the shift. We're out looking for any wandering infected for six hours, which allowed me to find an old guitar in a shop that hadn't been touched in years before we settle into a lodge that the people of Jackson use as a place to take a break. When it comes to Tommy, I know that this means that the shift is almost over.

"I have another story to tell you about my adventures with Ellie before we arrived here," I said to Tommy as I cut the strings off my new guitar.

"Okay, well, I'm all ears. What is it about?" he asks. I have never felt this nervous in a very long time, since the time I first asked out Sarah's mother.

While I was telling Tommy the story, he never looked away from me once. He listened as if this would be the last conversation we would have. In this world, we can never expect when we'll be taken from this world.

"I don't know what happened. I was supposed to take her to the Fireflies and walk away. You go halfway across the country with someone," I pause, "She needed her immunity to mean somethin'. Maybe I was starting to buy into that whole cure business. Maybe I wanted to do right by her. And then we made it. We found the fireflies. And because of her… They were going to make a cure. The only catch was… It would kill her."

Tommy stares at me with disbelief. It seems almost impossible, but it's all true.

"Jesus Christ, Joel. What did you do?"

"I save her," I look Tommy in the eye. His face softens when I said that.

"Goddamn, that's a lot. What does Ellie know?"

I looked at the floor with a feeling of regret. I know that I saved her life, but at the same time, she could have saved millions of lives. "I told her that they ran some tests and that her immunity meant nothing," I looked back up toward Tommy.

"And she believed you?"

"She didn't say otherwise," I reply.

"We should head back to Jackson," Tommy says. Clearly, what I had said took a toll on him, and I didn't want him to look at me differently than at the beginning of our patrol. I worked hard to get here, and if a story causes a drift between us, I am still trying to figure out what I'll do.

Tommy and I get the horses ready for our trek back to Jackson.

The ride back was peaceful. Tommy and I didn't talk much because he must've been processing how he felt about the situation. The ride took us about two hours to get back to Jackson, which wasn't horrible, but I know I will be in a lot of pain due to the amount of riding I have done today.

When we approached the gates, I got off my horse to control her that much more. Tommy passes me on his horse as I walk in, jumping down to ensure I stay within a reasonable distance.

"C'mon," I say to my horse, attempting to go to the stables.

"It's okay," Tommy says to me. I look at him, wondering what he means. "I got 'em. You go on."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I'm sure."

"Alright," I start walking, but before I can go too far, Tommy grabs my arm, preventing me from going any father.

"About what we were talking about earlier. I can't say I'd have done differently; I'll take to the grave if I have to."

I smile softly. Tommy has always been someone that I can trust with my secrets. "See you later, Tommy."

I walk back to my place with my bag and guitar in hand. A couple weeks ago, maybe even a month ago, when Ellie and I first spotted St. Mary's Hospital, I promised to teach her how to play guitar. Tonight I'm going to visit her and surprise her with it, and I'm going to clear it up in preparation for seeing her tonight. While talking to Tommy at the lodge, I didn't have time to put the strings back onto the guitar, so that's the first thing I will do when I get home.

Time flies by when you're having fun, and before I knew it, it was time for me to head over to Ellie's little shed that she calls home. When I arrive, her door is unlocked. I open the door and see her sitting at her desk, listening to music and drawing. I place her new guitar outside the entrance to ensure it's a surprise when I bring it in.

I announce her name, but she doesn't seem to hear me. I walk closer. Still nothing. I finally decided to kick her chair to get her attention.

"Jesus. You almost gave me a heart attack."

"I tried knocking, but…." I pointed to my ears to tell her that her earbuds were in. She puts all of her things away.

"Hey," Ellie says.

"Hey."

"What's up, Joel?"

"I'm just checking in. Folks are, y'know, talking about how impressed they are with you and how well you're helping out." I can tell there's an awkward tension between us, but I hope I can resolve that soon.

"That's good."

"Yeah. Tommy and I went out riding the other day, and he, uh… he told me a joke, and I immediately thought about you," she looked at me amused, knowing that she would forget it. Or is that look annoyance? "Oh shoot, now I forgot it. It was somethin' about a clock… how do you…"

"Joel, it's getting pretty late, and I need to wake up early tomorrow morning."

"Yeah, I know. And I'm about to get out of your hair, but I have something for you before I go. Close your eyes." I walk toward the door to grab the guitar and back in, holding the guitar in a way that would present it properly. "Okay, open them."

"What's this?"

"This here is what you would call a gee-tar."

"Funny," she says.

"Would you like to hear something?" I ask her, hoping that she'll say yes.

"Okay."

She knows that I wanted to be a singer when I was younger. I know that because I've gotten older, my voice isn't going to be in its prime, but I've had practice; in the shower. Allowing myself to get this comfortable with someone other than Tess or Tommy has been a struggle, but I'm glad I am doing it.

"Okay. Promise me you won't laugh," I say to her.

"I won't, I promise. I won't," she says, chuckling because I was giving her funny looks.

"I trust you."

I take a deep breath in preparation for singing.

"If I ever were to lose you
I'd surely lose myself
Everything I've found here
I've not found by myself
Try, and sometimes you'll succeed
To make this man of me
All my stolen, missing parts
No need for any more
Cause I believe
And I believe
Cause I can see
Our future days
Days of you and me."

"Well, that didn't suck."

I smiled at her, "I'll take what I can get. She's yours." I give her the guitar, and she hesitates.

"I don't know anything about this."

"I promised you that I would teach you."

"You did."

"So, what do you say, tomorrow night, the first lesson?"

"Deal," I smile at her answer.

I walk to the door, but before I can leave, I hear Ellie say, "Do you remember the joke?"

"Um… oh, yeah. What's the downside of eating a clock?" Ellie shrugs, letting me know she has no clue, "It's time-consuming."

"That's so dumb," she says in between quiet giggles.

"Good night, kiddo," I say before leaving her place.

That went better than I thought it would, but now I need to fife out what I'm going to teach her tomorrow.