1.3

Crazy tinkers aside, the next absolutely wonderful place to visit was the grungy headquarters of the illuminati. Well not the illuminati, the other worldwide conspiracy controlling everyone from the shadows. Yes, it was time to visit the charmingly desperate folks at Cauldron.

I could choose any number of locations to visit, but I chose the most memorable place in my mind, the Number Man's office. It did have a scenic overlook of some other Earth, proving I could pop between parallel worlds. Other than the magnificent view, the office was surprisingly nice. A large painting of Jesus crucified with an odd crucifix lined one wall and the other had a large mathematical diagram. The spirally equation I liked to call it. Screens flickering with warnings and labels I didn't understand also were embedded in every wall. In the center of the room was Number Man, a perfectly forgettable middle-aged man in every aspect from his dress to his movements.

"Aren't you going to kill me?" I asked surprised violence had not immediately occurred.

"I knew Gesellschaft was going to be an issue," the man said, sighing. "So how did you manage to get here?"

"I don't get anyvere. I am everyvere, and novere," I said because it had to be said. I reappeared in the pristine landscape looking back into the portal and waved. He was rather busy keying something into one of the numerous screens, so he didn't immediately notice. When he did, I reappeared in the office, giving the transparent window a light tap.

"Ven can I meet vith zee resht of Cauldron?" I asked the unperturbed man. He was taking the breaching of Cauldron rather well all things considered.

"Right now," said a fedora-wearing woman stepping out from a portal. A very discontent lady wearing glasses followed the thinker. Following them, the trio of Castle Woman, Caped Greenie and Spandex-isn't-dead entered. Didn't they have anything better to do like micromanage the Protecterate and PRT? It was almost like they cared about security.

"Hello, my name is Schrodinger," I said, bowing and stretching an arm out. "No need to introduce yourself, skip zee pleasantries."

"What do you mean when you said you were, 'everywhere and nowhere'?"the Number man asked.

"Exactly what I meant. The reason I can be here or," I reappeared in the landscape once more and waved again before re-materializing.

"What do you want from Cauldron?" Doctor paternal figure said sternly, staring over her glasses. Maybe it was a stunt double, but that would be giving Cauldron too much credit.

"Vell, you see I vas just passing by like a good Samaritan, and I zought, 'Vy hasn't anybody gone and killed zese monsters?' Unfortunately zere are more monsters zan just zee visible vuns." Pointing at Eidolon, I continued, "I zink Sundancer's vial vould have fit you much better, considering how you zink you're zee center of zee universe."

"I see zee questions in all of your minds, so I vill educate you vith vat zee Scion vould say to you.You needed vorthy opponents," I said, maniacally smiling, eyes focused on Eidolon. "Zat's zee important bit. From now on if you vish to sleep soundly at night, you better 'clean up your act' as zey say. No more Grey Boys, Case 53 torture dungeons, orEndbringers. Got it?"

The silence stretched on before I continued. "Before I forget, kill Coil before he releases zee Endbringer reject in his basement zat vould have spilled all zose pretty little Cauldron secrets all over zee place. If you zink you're safe, just look at Jack Slash, zee zinker/mashter so powerful even you idiots got taken control of."

"I can kill zee four most important people in Cauldron any time I vish," I concluded. "Doormaker's partner, Doctor Mozer, Contessa and Doormaker." I lifted a finger up on each hand for each person. "I probably can't easily kill you people," I waved my hands at the Triumvirate, "but any vun of zee people I mentioned vould permanently cripple Cauldron."

I could see the questions on Legend's face, which was probably better than whatever Eidolon was thinking, considering a time dilation field dropped on my face. Well not dropped, more engulfed, but the point was the same.

So of course I reappeared behind him and gave a reassuring pat on the back. "You can't even sic Glashtig Uaine on me because she's in zee Birdcage!" I said.

While canon Eidolon had just whimpered and rolled over to Scion, it seemed that pointing out his gigantic hero complex back when he still felt somewhat justified wasn't exactly as crushing. Broad vague unprovable statements were probably more rage-inducing I suppose.

"You really need a zerapisht on shtaff you know? And more scientists so one jackass who turns out to be mentally unshtable zee moment zee most important person to zem dies isn't crippling to your research. Or whatever zee hell you call research, considering zee case-53 dungeon downstairs."

"Concerning Scion, all you need to do is get me a bomb zat can deshtroy… an entire reality. Or a lot of smaller bombs. Just like how I killed Jack."

"I vork on zee vun-shtrike policy. I find you doing schad-- illeg-- uh... less morally ambiguous terrible zings, I kill you. You handle bombs, I handle Scion, we all live happily ever after except for ven I kill you for being horrible horrible people."

"I'll be visiting soon, but for now Auf Wiedersehen!" I finished, escaping the scenario. I could handle torture death and killing, but it was scarier to be in a room full of depressed assholes than serial killers in my opinion. At least the serial killers aren't full of manipulators and politicians. Oh wait, did I just think the same thing twice?

With the death of Jack Slash, Scion was now a backburner issue. A priority backburner issue but a more distant problem nonetheless. More timely issues included killing Saint without getting Dragon killed in the process, the other S-class threats, and defusing the terror that was Panacea. Yes, assassination, assassination, and daddy issues. I'll take killing any day over the awkward conversations about parentage and teenage romance.

My next stop before actually resting and freaking out in general was pretty simple. I popped into a darkened room with a sleeping man surrounded by very attractive women. Evidently my senses had become better, as I both saw and smelt the sex that had been happening probably a scant few hours ago. Resorting to my trademark Sieberian strategy, I slowly drew the fancy knife.

I started stabbing and didn't stop. Not when the women started wailing and trying to force me away, not when someone got a more stabby implement off the nightstand, not when bodyguards burst in with guns shooting me in the vitals. I just laughed and watched as Heartbreaker died drowning in his own blood.

For now though, I could finally take a break. I was done with talking, done with killing, done with all the pressure todo things.

Even if those things were as little as having a good think about how fucked up everything including me was. No more did I have to worry about things like how many ways Heartbreaker's could find to kill me.

Did that make me heartless?