Prompt #44: Feels Like Home by Chantal Kreviazuk
In Your Arms
~oOo~
If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
If you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done
It was late in the evening. Olivia had just made it home after she'd finished her paperwork from being undercover at Sealview. She was exhausted.
Everything hurt. She felt disgusting. All she wanted was a long, hot shower, but she'd sat on her sofa and stared numbly at her blank TV screen instead.
Olivia had no idea how long she'd been sitting when someone knocked on her door. Not someone. Elliot. His knock was quieter than normal as if he were afraid of spooking her. Damn it.
"Liv? I brought Chinese. Got the extra wontons that you like." Elliot knocked for a second time.
Olivia dragged herself off the couch and over to the door. "El?"
His smile faded when he got a better look at her. "It was bad in the basement, wasn't it? I saw the report. It was worse than you said."
"I…" Olivia hadn't intended to tell him. It wasn't that she didn't trust Elliot but she was terrified he'd try to kill the man in lock-up. "I…"
"Liv? Talk to me. Please?" Elliot walked into her place, backing her up with each step. He set the food down on the counter then returned to focus on her. "How can I help?"
Olivia had no idea what to say. She tried desperately to keep from breaking down into outright sobbing. "I'm fine."
"You're not." Elliot brought his hands up to rest on her shoulders. His touch was light. He didn't crowd her. "I'm here, Liv. I'm here. Let me help."
Something in your eyes
Makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself
In your arms
"It's the closest I've ever come…to having something terrible in common with my mother. A matter of seconds…a matter of inches." Olivia shuddered. She slumped forward, trusting Elliot to catch her in his arms. "Fin got there in time."
"You and I both know the attempt can be just as traumatic, Liv. Don't dismiss it because you feel like you have to be stronger." Elliot rubbed his hands up and down her arms. He frowned at the bruise visible on her face. "Were you hurt? Did you see a doctor?"
"I'm fine."
"Yeah, I know. But you're also human. Just based on your report alone, you got slammed in the face and side. Not counting whatever you left out of it." Elliot ignored her indignant huff. "I know you, Olivia Benson. Are you really trying to tell me that you didn't leave shit out? I'm your partner. I know you."
"El."
"I'm your partner," Elliot repeated the words a few times. His arms had become tight around her as if he was afraid she'd disappear on him. "Let me take care of you."
"You're…." Olivia didn't want to let herself sink into his care.
"I'm here for you."
If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
If you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done
The number of times Elliot had fully embraced her were rare. They'd been close. Too close. In the early years of their partnership, they'd been particularly blatant about it.
They could never seem to help themselves but then it had become a problem. It had been noticed. People made comments so they'd put some space between each other.
They'd lied to themselves about how much they needed each other.
She'd lied to herself about how much she needed him in her life. He was her best friend. And the only time she truly felt at home was with him.
Olivia sighed contentedly in his arms. It feels like home.
"Liv?" Elliot slid his fingers into her hair. His touch was light. Gentle. He tilted her head back. "I have to tell you something."
"Alright." Olivia expected him to move away but he continued holding her. His fingers combed through her hair. "What's going on?"
"Not the ideal time or place for this conversation, but it needs to happen before I say anything else."
"Okay."
"I signed the divorce papers last week."
"What?" Olivia pushed on his chest until he stepped back. "The hell are you talking about?"
"Kathy and I….had a long talk months ago. We care about each other but we had to be honest. We haven't been in love for years. Eli was putting a bandaid on a bone fracture. We want him—and the rest of our kids to see their parents in healthy and happy relationships." Elliot walked over to where he'd set the food down. He pulled the containers out of the bag and reached into one of her cabinets for a couple of plates. "The older kids understand. They never understood why we got back together. We figured out custody. She's keeping the house. I've got an apartment closer to the precinct. Liv?
"I don't understand."
"I'm divorced." Elliot separated the food onto plates. He gave her most of the wontons. "And I needed you to know that before I told you how much I love you."
"El."
"I love you." He was back in front of her. His hands rested lightly on her hips. "And I wanted to be free to say it."
"You came all the way over here to drop all these bombshells on me?" Olivia was reeling from what he'd said. Her heart was racing. She wondered if he could see it pounding out of her chest. "I…don't know what to say."
"I came over to check on my partner. To bring some food because I know your fridge is empty. And to make sure you weren't alone. You shouldn't be alone after the past few days, Liv." Elliot made it sound so simple. "I'm here for you. All you have to do is let me in."
"You're already in." Olivia rested her hand on his chest, sliding it up to rest on his shoulder. Her thumb stroked along the side of her neck. "You're going to have to be patient with me. I'm…I'm not doing so well with what happened undercover."
"I've got all the time in the world for you, Liv. All the time in the world."
Something in your eyes
Makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself
In your arms
The author of this SVU Love in the Air story will be revealed in March