"This day, the next, a hundred years, it's nothing! It's a heartbeat. You'll never be ready."
"How would you know?!"
"Because I wasn't!"
Thor reeled back at the unexpected confession.
"Loki?"
Loki sagged against the side of the boat as he looked at his brother.
"His name was James Buchanan Barnes, and every day since his death I've felt like dying with him."
*
Christmas Eve- Brooklyn,1940
Bucky suppressed a shiver on his way to the pub. He'd just got done dropping Stevie off at home after breaking up yet another fight, and he could use a stiff drink. His friend always wondered why he didn't just go to the bar next to their apartment, but he didn't have the heart to tell him that he preferred a place that was quiet and didn't ask alot of questions.
A place that wouldn't report people like him.
Bucky kept the nature of his sexuality deeply hidden. Around town he could be seen with two or more dames on his arms, but when alone he would come down here to this hole-in-the-wall joint, so he could finally breathe and be his true self.
He walked into the bar, and noticed that the old man who runs the place had made some attempts at Christmas decorating. Garlands and lights hung on the walls, and several parts of the ceiling had Mistletoe hanging from it.
He hauled himself up onto a stool in front of the counter and ordered a cheap whiskey. He felt the tension bleed out of his shoulders as he sat quietly and observed his surroundings. There were a couple guys making out in one of the back corners of the establishment, and a few more that were dancing. Bucky sipped his drink, wondering if there might be a chance to get lucky, and nearly spat it out when HE walked in the door.
The stranger was clearly foreign, wearing clothes that wouldn't have been out of place at a rennaisance fair. He had shoulder-length black hair and the most vivid green eyes Bucky had ever seen. He was tall, nearly taller than him, and pale like his ma's porcelain.
Bucky thought he was the most gorgeous fella he'd ever laid eyes on.
The mystery man practically floated over to the bar and sat down.Everyone had been silent upon his arrival, but after the stranger put a huge wad of cash down and paid for everyone a round, they soon got back to their usual chatter.
Bucky couldn't help but stare, and was trying to think of something clever to say when the other man spoke first.
"Tell me, do you often stare at those who happen to sit by you?"
"Only when they're worth staring at."
The man raised his brow in amusement as Bucky felt his face turn several shades of red. He thought about leaving before a hand grasped his.
"I am Loki, and you are?"
"James Buchanan Barnes... But most people call me Bucky."
"Well, considering I'm not most people, I think I'll call you James."
Bucky laughed at that. It wasn't every day that someone actually preferred his given name over the other one.
Then again, it wasn't every day he met somebody named Loki.
"So uh, what brings a guy like you down this way?"
"Oh, just taking a break from my brother and his merry band of idiots, and I wanted to see what kind of yuletide traditions they have here."
"Yeah? Well one of those traditions is above your head," Bucky said as he pointed towards the little plant on the ceiling," ever heard about Mistletoe?"
"Perhaps, but I'm interested in hearing what your take on it is."
"You see, when two people end up underneath it at the same time, they gotta kiss."
Loki's brow raised several inches. He looked up at the mistletoe, then back down at Bucky. He smiled laviciously before leaning forward and pressing their lips together.
It was like fire and ice all wrapped up in one. Bucky immediately grabbed the front of Loki's clothes to pull him closer. Despite having a slender build, the man had a strong grip, and the firm way he held the back of the younger man's head was driving him wild.
When they finally pulled apart, both of them were gasping for air.
"My my, you mortals certainly do know some good traditions, I might have to come back soon."
Then before he could blink, Loki was gone...leaving Bucky to wonder if he'd ever been there at all.
Army Recruitment Office -December, 1941
Bucky walked out of the enlistment office with a sense of nervous apprehension. After the Pearl Harbor attack, he and Steve both felt it was their duty to sign up to fight. There was probably no way his sickly best friend would get accepted, but he'd passed the requirements with flying colors. He was so absorbed in the papers in front of him that he failed to register there was someone behind him until a voice spoke up.
"You mortals certainly have a penchant for war don't you?"
Bucky spun around,startled, and came face to face with Loki.
"What's the matter James? Cat got your tongue?"
"Nah, I'm just trying to figure out how the guy I spent the last year convincing myself was a hallucination is suddenly standing in front of me."
"I'm no illusion, I assure you," Loki said as he got close enough to touch but not quite," would you care to go somewhere less conspicuous? It's my understanding that the mortals here aren't very progressive on certain matters."
"Well yeah,sure, but this time of day the bar ain't open and I don't know where else we could-"
Before Bucky could finish his sentence, Loki had put a hand on his shoulder and everything went topsy-turvy. By the time his vision returned to normal, he was standing in a clearing in the middle of a forest, in front of a small, decorative cottage.
"What the hell just happened?!"
"Magic. I used a simple teleportation spell to bring us to the dwelling I use when visiting Miðgarð."
A rational person would have decided that they were going crazy or that this guy was a psychopath and ran.
Bucky Barnes had never been rational.
He took a cautious step towards Loki and asked the one question that had been plaguing him since the first time they met.
"What are you?"
"I am the second prince of Ásgarð, a golden realm that rules above all others, including this one."
"Wait, Ásgarð, as in the place from Norse mythology?"
"Those myths were given to the mortals by my father when he first visited this world," Loki said as he walked towards the entrance ," if you come inside, I can answer any questions you might have."
"Sure, why not, if I'm going to be abducted by hot aliens I might as well get something out of it."
Loki flashed him a predatory grin as he opened the front door.
"After you, James."
The cottage was twice the size inside as it was outside, with dark wooden floors and wall paneling. Old books and scrolls seemed to fill every nook and cranny, along with several bottles and tubes whose contents Bucky was not about to question.
Loki sprawled out on an antique couch in the living area and gestured for Bucky to sit down. After some apprehension he did, relaxing into the surprisingly soft cushions.
"So uh...how old are you, anyway?"
"Roughly 983 of your human years."
"Jesus! You mean I've been making out with a grandpa this whole time?!"
"Hardly," Loki said with an air of indifference," I'm considering extremely young in comparison to other Æsir."
"So you're immortal?"
"Something like that."
Bucky let out a breath and leaned back, trying to absorb the insane information he'd just received. He noticed there was a very familiar plant hanging from the ceiling.
"Did you put mistletoe up?"
"Hmm yes, after that delightful demonstration last year I decided it was best to study the custom further."
"Is that why you come here, to study?"
"Partly,"Loki said as the smile disappeared from his face," my other reason is that I can get out from under my brother's golden shadow here, be seen for me and not just as the lesser prince."
"If you want my opinion, there's nothing lesser about you,Loki. I think any fella worth their salt would be lucky to have you around."
"Is that so? Tell me James, are you one of those 'fellas'?"
Instead of replying, Bucky leaned forward and pressed his lips to Loki's. As the kiss deepened, the Goð waved a hand and suddenly they were falling onto a luxorious bed, with the mortal on top.
"Man, I think I might be in love with this teleporting bit."
"Good, because I have a few other bits that could use some love as well."
"Is that right? Well, I never could say no to royalty."
*
The next morning, Bucky was awoken from a pleasant sleep by a pecking at the window. He squinted against the bright sunlight shining at him, and managed to make out the blurry shape of two black birds.
"Hey Lo, you got pets or something?"
The body underneath him stirred and groaned before sliding out from underneath him, to sit up and eyeing the animals with contempt.
"Ugh, it would have to be those two."
"You know those birds personally?"
"Hüginn and Müninn, my father's Ravens," Loki grumbled before getting up and padding towards the window," they're the only messengers that can reach me since I've hid myself from Heimðall's sight."
"What's a Heimðall?"
"Ásgarð's gatekeeper, sees everything across the nine realms."
Loki reached for a small scroll in one of the Raven's beaks before shooing them both off back towards home.
Bucky, who was trying to think of anything besides some universal pervert watching him shower, noticed that Loki was reading the parchment with a particularly fierce scowl.
"Something wrong?"
"It's a message from my mother, apparently Thor's committed another political snafu that they need my help fixing."
"Does this mean you're leaving again?"
Loki sighed and sat on the bed.
"Unfortunately,yes,but I will come back. In the meantime," Loki conjured an elegant green key and handed it to Bucky," this will take you back to your home once you put it in the door. Likewise, it can bring you back here as well."
Bucky grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled him forward.
"You better come back, I plan on making you see stars again."
"I look forward to it."
*
Loki did come back, again and again. Sometimes it took a few days, other times it was several months. Either way, he always returned. By the time he shipped out to Europe in 1943, Bucky was pretty sure he'd fallen in love with the man, but he was afraid to say it out loud. He'd hoped that he'd finally work up the courage for the next time they met.
If there was a next time.
*
Whip & Fiddle- December 1943
Bucky downed the last of his drink and bid the rest of commandos good night. Tomorrow, he would help Steve plan the attack on HYDRA, but for tonight he was tired, angry, and only wanted to see one person.
Loki.
He went around to the back alley of the pub and stuck his key in a door. It immediately led him into the magic cottage that had become a sort of refuge for them both.
The place was dark, and covered in a thin layer of dust. Bucky was nearly in tears at the thought of being alone when a huge rainbow light touched down outside the window, and a familiar figure stepped out. He wasted no time running out the door and straight into Loki's arms.
"James? Are you alright? What's happened?"
"That is an incredibly long and freaky story...you got time?
"For you? Always."
Bucky looked like he was dead on his feet, so Loki immediately teleported them into the bedroom. Once nestled against the mage's chest, he began telling the story about his capture and the experiments.
"I'll destroy them all."
"Wouldn't your dad be against you attacking mortals?"
"I don't care, they have no right touching what's mine!"
"Hey don't worry about it, we'll get em soon enough," Bucky soothed before he registered what he'd just heard," wait...you see me as yours?"
"Of course I do, and I belong to you just as much, if you'll have me."
Bucky couldn't have been more stunned if he tried.
"If? My God Lo, I've been trying to think of a way to tell you I'm in love with you, and you're over there wondering if I'll have you this whole time?!"
"I suppose Noone will be giving us awards for communication will they?"
Bucky started to chuckle, followed by Loki, until both of them collapsed in a heap of laughter.
When they finally calmed down, Bucky reached out and brushed a strand of Loki's hair out of his face.
"Can you stay?"
"I have to go back to tie up some things, but then I'm taking that century long sabbatical I've been overdue for awhile now."
The mention of centuries reminded Bucky just how different their lifespans were, and he asked the question that hung in the air between them.
"Are you really okay with the fact I'm human? I mean I got maybe another 50-60 good years left."
"James, I would rather spend fifty years with you than an eternity having never known you. Þú ert hjarta mitt, sál mín, ástin mín.Það verða engir aðrir."
James didn't understand the language, but the sentiment was easy enough to recognize.
"I love you,too."
*
Ásgarð-January 1945
"Loki."
Loki turned around from the books he was carefully storing in his bag to see Frigga standing in doorway.
"Oh,hello mother, what brings you by?"
"It's about you leaving..."
"Yes,well, it won't be for long,a century at most, you know how these sabbaticals are..."
"Loki," Frigga said as she gently laid a hand on his arm," I know about the mortal you plan on going away with...and that golden apple you snuck out of Iðunn's garden when you thought no one would notice."
"Are you going to try and stop me?"
"I hadn't planned too, but...something's happened...something dreadful, that I think you should know."
She gestured for him to follow her, and he did with a degree of apprehension. At first he thought they were heading towards the Bifröst, but then she grabbed his hand and led him down one of the secret paths along the branches of Yggðrásil.
They came out at the bottom of a snow-covered mountain near an icy ravine. There, Loki could see the ground was bright red with blood.
Alot of blood.
"What is this mother? Why have you brought me here?"
Frigga's face looked even more broken as she spoke.
"When I was told you were leaving, I decided to have a look at what on Miðgarð fascinated you so, and when I saw your James, I was thrilled you'd found someone! But today, I went to observe him with the intention of arranging a meeting, and I saw him and his fellow soldiers fighting on that railway above us...and then he...fell."
Loki's eyes widened at his mother's implication.
"Are you certain he did not survive somehow?!"
"I...don't know son, but after the fall I could no longer sense him."
"Nonononono...I refuse to believe he is lost to me...James? JAMES!"
Loki walked through the ravine, shouting his lover's name until his voice grew hoarse. The further downstream he went, the more blood there was. Logically, he knew there was no way a mortal could have survived that kind of loss.
But the heart was rarely, if ever, logical.
When he came upon a dismembered arm, he collapsed to his knees. Shaking fingers moved along the skin, noticing the familiar scars and calluses on a hand that had often tucked his hair behind his ear.
James's hand.
When he found the key he'd given him laying next to it, that's when everything hit full force.
James was gone. The man he loved had been ripped away from him, and there was nothing he could do to bring him back.
His anguished screams vibrated the entire mountain range. The only thing that stopped his power from decimating half the planet was the magical shield Frigga put up around them. She too was on her knees, holding Loki tightly against her, rocking back and forth while he held on to the arm, crying and screaming for someone who could no longer hear him.
*
Svartalfhéim- Present
Thor sat back, stunned at his brother's confession. All this time, he'd had no idea what Loki had been going through. Looking back, it explained a few things in their past that he'd never been able to decipher.
"Is that why you went away for several years? Not to study like mother claimed."
"Yes, after mother helped me burn what little of James's remains that were there, I wandered...throughout the universe, drifting from one place to the next. Had Óðin not summoned me back to help with your failed coronation, I might not have returned at all."
"And the cottage you shared with your mortal, is it still on Earth?"
"It should be,my magic keeps it protected," Loki said as he gave a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes," besides, I still have the key."
*
Sometime later, as he lay injured on the barren wasteland of Svartalfhéim, Loki laughed at his continuous cycle of shitty luck. Apparently, he was going to wind up alone no matter what.
At least things with Thor were somewhat mended. He even used what strength he had left to retrieve the apple he'd had in his pocket dimension all these years to give to him.
Maybe he'd give it to that Jane woman, or not...he no longer cared.
Loki closed his eyes and peacefully waited for death.
Perhaps his James would be there.
*
The Statesman-Several years later
" Do you truly think it's a good idea to bring me back to Earth?"
"Hmm, maybe not, but I'm sure it will all work out. Besides, you might want to make use of this..."
Thor reached into his pockets and threw a small object at Loki, who caught it with one hand. The mage was stunned to see that it was the Golden Apple.
"While I'm pleased you didn't give it away before that woman dumped you, what use do you think I could possibly have for it?"
"Funny story that, last time I was on Earth for awhile, the good Captain regaled me with the tale of locating a friend he thought long dead, a man that is also considered 'outside of his time'."
"Intriguing, but what does that have to do with me?"
"Loki," Thor said as he turned to him looking more serious than he ever had in their lives," this man only has one arm."
Loki felt his heart stop. What Thor was implying couldn't possibly true...could it?
"What...what did the Captain say his name was?"
"Sergeant James Buchanan Barnes."
*
Earth vs Thanos's forces - Wakanda
Bucky shot at the creatures one after another, but they kept coming in droves. Luckily, they weren't too bright, considering one tried to bite his vibranium arm.
Still, the numbers proved to be too much, and he ended up knocked to the ground with one of those things jumping on top of him. He grabbed the knife from his waist and tried to stab it repeatedly, but it had no effect. Suddenly the monster was flying off of him in a blast of green magic, landing in a smoldering pile several feet away.
Slowly, Bucky pulled himself to his feet and turned in the direction of the blast...and froze.
Standing in front of him, looking a little older, a lot more wore out, but still just as beautiful as ever was...
"Loki?"
Loki approached slowly, almost hesitantly, until they were face to face for the first time in seventy-three years.
"James, do you remember who I am?"
He seemed almost afraid of the answer.
Bucky wasn't going to stand for that. He lunged forward and wrapped his arms tightly around the mage, hiding his face in his neck.
"Of course I remember you, Lo, you're the one thing HYDRA could never make me forget."
Bucky heard a sniffle and felt Loki hug him back. They stood there, embracing on the battlefield, ignorant of the world around them. Even when the aliens began to drop dead around them after Thor cut off the Titan's head, they refused to move away from each other.
"I thought you were dead."
"Kind of heard the same thing about you...I'm guessing this is that communication problem you always mentioned."
"Possibly," Loki said with a watery laugh," in this case I'm so very glad we were wrong."
"Me too, sweetheart, me too."
He leaned back and used his metal arm to tuck the hair behind Loki's ear, an achingly familiar gesture they'd both sorely missed.
A throat clearing startled them out of their reverie.
"As much as I hate to interrupt this little lovefest here," Rocket said in a tone dripping with sarcasm," we got a crapload of rotten outrider corpses around us, so if you're not going to help with the cleanup then get a room!"
He walked away muttering, causing the two men to snicker.
"Whaddya say Lo? Should we go get a room?"
"Actually, I was thinking we could make use of an entire cottage."
Loki produced the key Bucky had lost all those years ago, and together they walked hand in hand through a portal he conjured.
Steve, who'd watched the entire scene unfold, was standing there in complete shock.
"What...what just happened?"
"Nothing to worry about Captain," Thor said as he patted Steve on the shoulder, "those two have been looking forward to this for a long time."
*
"Damn, your sister did all of that? I had three of them, but they never raised a zombie army and took over the world."
Bucky was laying back against the pillows, cradling Loki to his chest. The minute they'd gotten through the front door, it was a frenzy of biting kisses and flying clothing as they made up for lost time again and again and again.
After thoroughly exhausting each other, the Goð started to talk, with the occasional quip from Bucky, about everything that had happened while they were apart.
"Yes,Hela turned out to be a rather formidable adversary, although, I'm somewhat thankful for what she did, because it led me back to you."
"Does this mean you can finally stay with me for a few decades without an interruption?"
"I was actually hoping it could be a bit longer than that."
Loki pulled the apple from his pocket dimension and put it in Bucky's palm.
"This is the Golden Apple of Iðunn. It's the last of its kind, and has the ability to give you the lifespan of an Æsir. The night you were..lost...I had planned to present it to you as a wedding gift."
"Wedding? Even though it wasn't legal at the time?"
"It was only against the laws of Miðgarð, the rest of space is far more tolerant. I had planned to take you with me."
"With a proposal like that, who could refuse?" Bucky said before taking a large bite of the Golden fruit," I'd love to marry you and see the stars...after we take a nap first."
Loki snorted and snuggled closer.
"A nap sounds like an excellent plan, elskan mín."
Loki was fast asleep by the time Bucky finished the apple. He pulled the blankets up over them both and placed a soft kiss on the Mage's forehead.
"I love you, Loki, and I promise that this time...not even Hell itself is going to get through the Heaven we've built."
Notes:
Þú ert hjarta mitt, sál mín, ástin mín. Það verða engir aðrir. = You are my heart, my soul, my love. There will be no others.