Chapter 5
A/N: Source: Star Trek Enterprise, I hope you like it.
Spock awoke the next morning. He was apprehensive about the decision he had made. The Fullara Ritual had worked far more efficiently than he expected. When the crew from the Enterprise arrived, he had no recollection of who they were. Not even the sight of his mother jarred his memory. Spock surmised that if he completed the ceremony that morning as intended, not even the touch of Nyota would have brought him back, but it was the feel of her skin that shattered the matrix that Fullara had created in his brain.
The Fullara Ritual essentially created an organic matrix over the memory receptors in the brain. New memories could be formed, but old memories would be permanently blocked by scar tissue. As it were, Spock would probably need engram therapy which also had risks. These were risks Spock was willing to take rather than allow the monks to transform him into a eunuch. That moment, that touch, enabled Spock to realize that he needed physical contact. Spock desired the flesh of a female. He would risk the blood fever for a third time, but he would finally mate.
Spock pulled on the engineering suit. His novitiate robe sat in a heap on the floor. He would never wear it again. So, he stood up and took it to the recycler. He placed it in the bin.
"Credentials please," the computer said.
Spock had resigned from his commission when he went to P'Jem monastery, but he decided to use his old credentials.
"SpockAlpha2230," he said.
"Credentials accepted," the device replied. Spock found this puzzling, but he kept going.
"Processing," the machine said.
"Composition, Bajoran linen, woven with Triaxian silk, Vulcan organic matter including, exo-dermis, pekh, plak, and sen'ai, granular particles of gravel and silt." The device said. "Value, two hundred thousand credits."
Spock raised his eyebrows.
"Do you wish to render?" the machine said.
Spock considered it. However, he was concerned that the report would be seen by others. It would also convey what he had gone through at P'Jem. He decided to think about it. So, he removed the pile of clothing and tossed it back in the corner again.
Spock felt a tinge of guilt. The recycle report reflected his years at the monastery where he struggled to control his sexual desires. His memory of Nyota was too strong. He wanted her badly, but his father forbade it. They had spent so much time together, but he never had the opportunity to hold her in his arms.
The memories surged back into Spock's consciousness.
On P'Jem Spock had Nyota freely every night in his dreams. He had her body in every way imaginable in his mind, until the monks found out. Then Spock had been flogged ceaselessly until he stopped, what the monks had called the unholy practice of the V'tosh ka'tur, guv-sanosh which meant human self-gratification. Spock was covered with scars by the time he was broken, but they employed a physician to use a dermal regenerator to conceal their abuse of Spock.
Sarek was trying his best to save his son. That is why he sent large donations to the monastery. What he did not know is the mental abuse, flogging, torture and starvation they inflicted on Spock until he acquiesced and embraced the Fullara Ritual. Instead of completing the ritual in one year, it took five years to break his spirit. When they had succeeded, Spock had no memory of his life in Starfleet, his family, his friends, or the abuse he endured for five years.
Spock looked over at the bag sitting across the room. It contained the gift of food from Pike. He looked inside and inhale deeply. There were a variety of delicacies from throughout the quadrant. There was a time when he never would have touched such things. That was before P'Jem. When his spirit was broken, along with it went his self-discipline. Spock responded to displeasure and the daily stress by emotional eating.
J'rek, the senior monk despised Lady Amanda. He considered Sarek as a Vulcan unworthy of his status in society. J'rek blamed Sarek's marriage to Amanda for Sybok's logic breakdown. Spock who was innocent in it all was condemned simply because of his mother. Ironically, Spock was more disciplined than any of the novitiates at P'Jem, which is why it took so long to break him. Sarek had required that Spock be stronger, faster and smarter than his peers. He was of the highest clan, yet he was bonded to a low-born female. T'Pring abandoned Spock during Spock's first Pon Farr at twenty-eight. He survived, but the Pon Farr that occurred during his thirty-fifth year was a disaster. Spock considered Nyota, but his father ushered him off to P'Jem instead.
Spock was shaken from his revelry by his door chime. He brushed the crumbs off the suit he wore and stood up to go to the door.
"Spock, I was stopping by to see if you wanted to…" Nyota stopped talking. She pushed past Spock and stared at the bed. It was covered with food containers and wrappers. She looked at Spock.
"Are you okay?" she touched his arm. Spock exhaled slowly as he looked at the mess on his bed.
"It appears that I have a problem," he said.
"I am no one to judge, Spock," she admitted. "As you can tell, I have done my share of emotional eating."
Nyota walked around picking up wrappers.
"Oh, Pike got your Denobulan cremes? I love them. They are too fattening." She sniffed the wrapper and then tossed it in the bag.
Spock placed his hand on his belly. Then he walked over to help her clean up.
"We have a couple of hours before we dock. Why don't we stop by the mess hall? I will grab a smoothie and then I want to go to the fitness bay to work out," she looked up at him with a bright smile.
"A smoothie?"
"Have you seen Janice? She looked like she is twenty-one. All I have to do is get a smoothie and add this powder." Nyota held up a green bag and grinned.
That is what Spock always liked about Nyota. There was never any judgment. She was hurt, but not angry when he chose to go with Sarek. She never chastised him when he chose work over spending time with her and she never said a word when Spock accompanied Kirk and McCoy on forays to nightclubs on various planets. She was his friend but Spock suspected that her feelings ran deeper. He was just too self-absorbed to consider her needs in the past.
"I will accompany you, Nyota. Thank you for assisting me this morning." He said.
Nyota turned and looked at Spock. It was the second time he had thanked her in two days. That is more than he ever thanked her in their entire friendship.
"You are quite welcome, Commander Spock," she said.
"Nyota…Lt. Uhura, I am no longer a member of Starfleet." He said.
"You better check your communicator. Captain Pike sent out a ship-wide notice this morning. You aren't a Lieutenant, Commander. You are now a full commander." She said. She took his hand. "Come on, you can read it on my communicator while I drink my smoothie." She said.
The touch of Nyota's skin was a balm for Spock's spirit. The anxiety and regret that he felt earlier melted away.