We're All Doomed Chapter 1
"No…." Tilly's eyes widened in horror as she stared upon the crumpled heap that had been their lawnmower, just about to put an end to this nightmare.
Above it, stood her pumpkin zombified Mama, who'd jumped in just in time to save the Queen.
Tilly gasped as the pumpkin head of her mother twisted around to face her. She took a horrified step back, only to trip on a fallen gardening tool. Her possessed mama narrowed her neon purple eyes for half a second before lunging at her with full force.
"Mama no!" Tilly raised in her arms in defense only to hear the mutant pumpkin scream in annoyance as Papa jumped in front and threw her possessed mama to the other side of the yard.
Tilly'd be worried for her mother's back were it not for the leaf pile there to cushion her fall.
"Tilly!" Papa nabbed her by the back of her-technically his-shirt and brought her close.
"Where's your bro-"
"Ahh, Pumpkins, mad, very mad!" Cricket came charging into their two person huddle with his arms flailing.
"What-" Tilly gasped again as she watched a horde of their pumpkified loved ones and neighbors storm the backyard while their big Queen pumpkin recovered.
"Oh cracker jacks." Was all Papa could say, his tired eyes wide with panic.
Tilly wasn't off much better as she tried to usher Cricket behind her. What were they gonna do-Wait a second, why was Papa picking Cricket up?
"Dad?" Papa said nothing, only sighed as he lifted one of his small gardening shovels with his other hand."Throwing arm don't fail me now."
Tilly reared back slightly as her father threw the shovel full force towards the pumpkin zombies.
What good was one shovel gonna do against the horde!?
Tilly watched the shovel anyway and-wait a second!
It hit the top of one of the pumpkin heads, force so strong it got flung back against the house. The pumpkin head died immediately as it quite literally split in half with one last pained wail, revealing a confused Gloria in its wake.
"Wha?" Gloria rubbed her forehead, her confusion turning to panic real fast as she looked around at all the chaos. "What the!"
Tilly looked back up at Papa as he sighed again. "Papa what are you doing-"
Tilly silenced herself at the stoic look in her father's eye. "I love you kids." With that he kissed the top of Cricket's head. Cricket shook his head in bewilderment."Dad now's not the time for fatherly affect-ahh there I go!"
-and proceeded to throw him across the yard like a football at Gloria.
The artist fell to the ground with an oomph, Cricket cheering as he landed safely on her midsection.
Tilly stared in confusion for a second longer only to have that horrifying realization hit as soon as Papa grabbed her next. "Papa no!" She begged, trying to grabbed onto his fingers so he couldn't throw her. "You can't do this Papa!"
Her father just sighed a final time, closing his eyes as he kissed her on the forehead. "It'll be okay."
Tilly tried her best to kick and squirm and fight before he could throw her, but none of it mattered in the face of her Papa's strength.
She was flying through the air in seconds, landing right on top of Cricket.
Tilly kept fighting though, even as Papa shouted at them to get in a car and drive, even as Gloria obeyed and sprinted them all to her car.
Even as Gloria slammed on the gas and proceeded to drive them through a pumpkin recked Big City.
Even as they reached the city limit, even as Big City became just a small figure in the distance.
Tilly continued to cry for her papa.
"What the blort is going on!?" Gloria shouted to herself, still looking behind them every now and then in paranoia. "What were those things!?"
"Mutant pumpkin zombies." Cricket answered, no humor in his voice as he sat in the passenger seat hugging his legs.
"...What?!" Gloria's scared eyes widened as she turned to look back at the road. "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh , I was so wrong this is worse than last year!"
"Yeah," Cricket pushed out a sigh, just now loosening the stranglehold on his knees. "It's pretty bad." But like, everything would be alright by tomorrow, it always was right…right?
Whilst Gloria raved about them needing to call the army or something-only to realize she accidentally left her phone back at the cafe-Cricket frowned as he turned to look at his sister. She hadn't moved from her spot huddled against the backseat window.
Cricket really didn't know what he could say to make her feel better in this moment, but,
"Hey Tilly-" Cricket jerked in his seat as the car abruptly grinded to a screeching halt.
Cricket turned his confused gaze to Gloria. "Uhh, why did we-"
Gloria's eyes widened as the front of her engine rumbled something fierce before erupting with a loud bang a cloud of smoke to follow.
Everyone's fell as Gloria dumbly gripped the steering wheel.
"...you didn't get your oil changed did you?" Cricket eventually said aloud. 'Dangit Gloria Dad kept reminding you."
"I got busy okay!" Gloria defensively shot back as she haphazardly unbuckled her seat belt and threw open the driver's side door.
"Gloria no! There could still be pumpkins!" Cricket shouted after her.
Gloria rolled her eyes as she dug around under her seat, pulling a flashlight out seconds later. "Cricket the city is miles upon miles behind us, and I'm not about to spend the night cowering in my car on the side of the road."
Cricket still eyed her apprehensively as Gloria walked towards the front of her car and opened the hood.
The ten year old sat back uneasily, his gaze quickly wandering back to Tilly.
She couldn't have looked more worried. Cricket sighed. "You know Dad's gonna be fine right?..Everyone's gonna be." Mom,Gramma,... Remy . Yeah, yeah they were all gonna be, just fine . They had to be.
Tilly gave her brother a meek look out the side of her eye. She let out an uneasy laugh. "I sure hope so brother."
Cricket nodded as he turned to look back out the car's windshield. "The good thing is, we're far, far away from those pump-…uh oh."
Tilly and Cricket's eyes widened as they abruptly looked beyond Gloria to see a whole butt pumpkin patch sitting behind her.
They both gulped, eyeing each other in panic.
Cricket shook his head. "Okay but, maybe we're far away enough those pumpkin's won't become sentient evil monst-"
The ten year old was abruptly cut off by the sound of the windshield suddenly cracking. Cricket and Tilly screamed as the miniature pumpkin that'd been thrown their way started clawing at the glass with its leafy appendages.
Gloria jumped back, appearing at the driver's side door seconds later so she could swing it open with a shout. Cricket and Tilly jumped into her arms as the artist kicked the door shut and hastily backed away.
The pumpkin patch was turning into a pumpkin army real fast, their only grace was the amount of distance still between them and their certain doom.
Gloria's pupils shrunk as she tightened her hold around Cricket and Tilly and without a word took off across the road into the the nearby woods.
"Faster Gloria we gotta lose them!" Cricket cried as Gloria panted above them, still sprinting as she jumped over bumpy tree roots and large rocks. "I'm going as fast as I can Crick-Ow, ow," She whined as a few low bearing tree branches smacked her in the face.
Tilly tightened her hold on the Gloria's arm as the trail soon turned steep beneath the artist's feet, the forest floor giving way to a tall hill as she continued to sprint.
"Pilates don't fail me now!" Gloria war cried as she side ran tree after tree in her path.
Must've been a small mountain because not too long and they'd already reached the top.
Gloria continued to pant as she looked left and right for any sign of mutant pumpkins, thankfully with the high view they were able to see most of the evil pumpkins migrating up the road instead of following them.
"Okay, I think we lost them." Gloria sighed before her arms abruptly turned to jello and Tilly and Cricket came tumbling down. "So I'm going to take a quick power nap if that's cool? Cool. Okay." The artist then face planted into the dirt.
Cricket winced in sympathy before turning back to look at the pumpkins. "Where are they going?"
Tilly's gaze turned weary as she came to stand beside her brother. "They're looking for more people, more victims."
"So why are they-ohhh my gosh they're heading for another city!" Cricket gripped the sides of his hair in panic. "H-E-double hockey sticks that is bad!"
Tilly gritted her teeth, her arms coming to wrap around themselves. "Urgh, this is all my fault! If I had just listened to Papa-"
"Wait what?" Gloria abruptly raised her head from the dirt. "What are you talking about?"
"Hm, well you see," Cricket suddenly stopped as he looked back at his distressed sister. "Um, actually it's nothing. Let's just-"
"I'm the cause of all this." Tilly sighed in admittance, still hugging her arms. "I took a growth compound from Big Tech without telling Papa and used it on our pumpkin patch. Now pumpkin's everywhere are turning evil and it's all my fault!"
"...what!?" Gloria sat up, pinching the space between her brows. "Urghh, of course, of course this happens. I always had a feeling your crazy family would be the ones to kick start the apocalypse."
"Uh technically your crazy family too let's not forget." Cricket reminded with his hands on his hips. "Also calm down, this isn't the apocalypse, if it were the ground would be splitting ope-"
Cricket cut himself off a loud thundering sound shook the ground beneath their feet. "Ah! I was wrong it is the apocalypse everyone take cover!" Cricket yelled, throwing himself to the ground with his arms shielding his head.
Gloria rolled her eyes as she stood up and dusted herself off. "What was that?"
Gloria arched her brow as she started walking around the side of the hill, Cricket and Tilly following close behind.
"Probably a tree righ-Woah." Gloria immediately stopped. Her arms falling slack at her sides as her eyes widened in shock.
It was, definitely not a tree.
Rather, it was a huge butt chopper hanging off the side of the mountain, hanging on by just the few trees surrounding it. The chopper slid down ever so slightly, causing another ground rumbling sound.
"What in the cornstalk?" Cricket said for everyone, his hands on his hips as Gloria blindly began walking towards it.
" Gloria ." Tilly vaguely warned.
"Guys we literally only have the clothes on our backs-"
"Technically costumes." Cricket needlessly corrected.
"-we need a phone, food, anything ." Gloria shot back over her shoulder as she gingerly stepped onto the landing gear. "You guys can wait out here if you want, but I'm going in."
With that the artist boosted herself up the chopper door. Cricket shrugged. "Eh, I've done more reckless." He took off after her, Tilly soon following behind too.
Gloria grunted as she kicked the chopper door open and slipped in, hoisting Tilly and Cricket inside after her.
Course, everyone was in such a rush, they didn't notice the Wholesome Foods logo plastered on the side of the chopper.
"Yeesh this thing is cramped." Cricket complained as he looked out the chopper's windshield at the sloped scenery.
Gloria shrugged as she started looking for anything useful.
Cricket meanwhile was busy starring starry eyed at the vast array of buttons on the control panel. "Shinyyy-"
"Cricket no." Gloria snapped. "No touching buttons, no touching anything."
Cricket crossed his arms with a pout as he walked along the control panel. "Psh, ooo no touching Crick-ah!" Cricket jumped back as he realized he almost walked into the pilot seat, which wouldn't be so bad if said pilot wasnt' still sitting there.
And not just any pilot.
"Oh. my. Cripe." Cricket said with eyes wide as he stared upon Chip Whistler sitting there in the pilot's seat, body lax as he lay slouched, face first against the control panel
"Oh my," Tilly frowned as she walked over and gingerly poked their arch nemesis's stiff shoulder. "Is he-"
Everyone yelped as the very much alive Chip suddenly shot upright. "Leave me alone squirrels! You've taken enou-"
Chip cut himself off with a couple of bewildered blinks as he took in his three trespassers.
"...Are you kidding me!?" Everyone reared back as Chip ran his hands down his face in agitation. "The one nice thing about being trapped here was the complete lack of Greens!" Chip banged his arm against the chopper's control panel in his anger, using his other to shake his fist. "And now I can't even have that!?"
"Wait, you've been stuck here all this time?" Cricket asked of all things.
Chip narrowed his eyes in anger. "Uh yeah, thanks to you. I've been trapped on this stupid mountain for months! I'm hungry, I need a shower, and even worse I ran out of diet sodas!" Chip gestured to the minifridge sitting beside his pilot seat before breaking down with a dramatic sob. "I had to resort to the non diet, they probably went straight to my thighs."
"How'd you get trapped? You break both your legs?" Gloria asked with a skeptical, completely unsympathetic frown.
Chip raised his head with an arched brow. "What? No. I couldn't get the seat belt unlocked." The blonde gestured to the metal buckle on the side of his chair. "It's one of those weird old fashion ones. Everytime I try to loosen it, it just tightens instead, really confusing."
Tilly, Cricket, and Gloria all collectively facepalmed with a groan.
Chip straightened with a huff and an arm cross. "Well since we're asking questions, what are you people doing in my chopper!? Here to gloat?...Also what's with the costumes-I didn't miss Halloween did I?!"
"While gloating does sound pretty appealing, fraid we're gonna have to pass on that for now." Cricket replied with a shrug. "See we're kinda on the run from a mass of evil pumpkins."
Chip blinked, staring at Cricket with a confused frown for a couple seconds before he sighed, pinching the space between his brows. "You know I probably should've known this was another hallucination ,but like-"
All of the sudden a loud thumping across the chopper's roof rang out, shaking the helicopter and causing everyone to tumble forward.
Gloria's pupils shrank as she started to shake. "Oh please let it be a bird, I'm begg-"
The artist's pleas went unanswered as a mutant pumpkin appeared at the windshield, punching a hole through the glass with its leafy fist.
Chip's eyes bulged like a cartoon. "Ahh! What is that!?"
"I literally just told you!" Cricket shouted back, ducking underneath the control panel as the pumpkin punched another hole through the windshield, squeezing itself inside.
"Oh, definitely not a bird." Gloria started to hyperventilate as she backed up, the pumpkin roaring at everyone with its leafy limbs raised.
Chip threw his arms over himself, curling up like a scared child. Cricket was sure the pumpkin was gonna go for him since he was closest…only to stare in confusion as the pumpkin took one sniff and swung over Chip without a second thought.
Huh..guess it wasn't in the mood for rich jerkface.
"Tilly!" Gloria grabbed Tilly by her arm and backed her away from the creature towards the side of the chopper. The artist had her fist raised the second the pumpkin tried to attack, but Gloria seemed to know it wouldn't be enough. "Urgh, I could really use something sharp right about now!"
"Well there's the emergency ax." Chip dumbly pointed to the sharpened ax hanging inside a thin layer of glass to Gloria's left.. "But, I lost the emergency glass breaker so good luck getting it ope-" Chip's eyes widened as Gloria punched the glass with her fist and dug out the ax.
"Yeah there's that too I guess."
The mutant pumpkin chose that time to strike, but thank flipping goodness for Gloria's fast reflexes. She managed to cleanly slice off one of the pumpkin's vine-like limbs causing it to wail in pain.
Gloria kept swinging at it to get it to back up, til eventually the pumpkin was on the very edge of the chopper, waving around it's vines for a vain chance of gripping something.
Gloria took a deep breath and raised her leg before brutally side kicking the mutant pumpkin out the chopper door.
"You know Gloria we don't say it often enough,but you are in really great shape." Tilly complimented as Gloria dashed to the chopper door and hastily slid it shut.
The artist continued to pant as she stood there. "Okay….I think we're."
Everyone's eyes bulged a the chopper started to lurch, throwing Gloria and Tilly forward into the chopper's cockpit with Cricket and Chip.
"Ohhhhhh picklesnakes." Was all Cricket could say as he realized the tussle had definitely dislodged the chopper from its fragile position in the trees and it was seconds away from sliding off the mountain.
"Everybody hold on!" Gloria shouted as she and everyone gripped the control panel with a terrified scream.
The chopper pitched forward and for just the briefest second, it seemed like it wouldn't slide.
….then a bluebird decided to come perch on the windshield, causing the chopper to tip over the edge and slide down the mountain full force.
"Thanks a lot Greens!" Chip shouted his possibly last words with his eyes closed as the chopper abruptly flipped causing everyone and everything to go flying, cept Chip who still hadn't figured out how to unlock his seat belt.
All Cricket do, was scrunch his eyes as well and hope that maybe,just maybe Grandpa Earnest was looking after them in this moment!
"... ow ." Well apparently he was, either that or Cricket'd just got himself sent to the good boy place.
The pain in his arms and well,every part of his body told him otherwise though.
It took a couple of seconds of rapid blinking for Cricket to even see straight. "Is everyone alright?"
Cricket heard a groan beside him only to flatten his gaze as he realized it was just Chip. "Not you."
The ten year old pushed himself to a shaky stand. The chopper's windshield was almost completely gone at this point, and the roof had a massive dent. "Tilly? Gloria?"
"Ugghhhhhh." Cricket perked up at that, jumping onto the chopper's control panel just so he could scurry across. The ten year old sighed in relief when he saw a curled up Gloria holding onto Tilly.
Gloria slowly turned her head to the side, eventually raising herself into a seat with a crooked moan. "Everything…everything hurts."
"I'll have to agree with you Gloria." Tilly sighed as she rubbed the back of her neck.
"Where are we?" Cricket asked aloud as he hazily looked around.
"Uh the bottom of a mountain obviously." Chip snarked, apparently the only one unhurt in the collison. "What are you stu-" The blonde abruptly cut himself off as his elbow bumped against his seatbelt buckle and a clicking noise rang out, causing his seat belt to finally come undone.
Chip's eyes bulged for half a second before he excitedly jumped onto the control panel. "Yes! Freedom baby! Whoo-"
Again Chip cut himself off as he immediately face planted onto the dirt.
Cricket knitted an amused brow as he watched Chip raise his head, dumbly narrowing his eyes. "Oh that's right I haven't used my legs in months, they're beyond numb."
Meanwhile Gloria and Tilly finally managed to stand, Cricket helped them both crawl out through the windshield.
"Ohhhh-kay, okay ." Gloria clapped her hands together. "So, we're under attack by mutant pumpkins, we're stranded, and we don't even have so much as a phone to call for help. Fine, cool, let's-"
"Uh, I have a phone." Chip snarkily interrupted as he whipped it out of his blazer pocket. "Not that I'd let you peasants use-hey!"
Whilst Chip was busy talking Gloria had already walked over and swiped it from his hand.
"Urgh, no signal though." The artist bemoaned a second later as she tried lifting it towards the sky. "We'll have to keep walking til we get one."
Everyone groaned at that, including Chip.
"Guess you'll have to carry me." Chip sighed as he daintily lifted his arms towards Gloria. The artist reared back with a frown.
"Excuse me what? Who said you-" Gloria suddenly stiffened as she took a sniff of the air. "Oh no, why does it smell like pumpkin?" The bluenette whipped her head from side to side in fright. Oh c'mon they literally just dealt with-
"Hm?" Chip raised his brow as he stared at her in perplexity. "Oh no you're smelling my cologne. Autumn musk for men."
Gloria felt her face fall in immediate annoyance. "What?"
"Yeah pretty strong stuff to last this long," Chip snorted as he pointlessly adjusted the sleeves of his blazer. "I was going for a fall vibe, you know?"
"Wait a minute, is that why the pumpkin from earlier didn't attack you?" Cricket asked, placing his hands on his hips. "Cause you smell like one of them?"
Gloria meanwhile had to take a second to just, sigh and realize how ridiculous her current situation was. "This can't be happening."
"Well I guess if you wanna keep the evil pumpkins away, you'll just have to keep me close." Chip snarked as he looked back up at Gloria with a flirtatious wink.
Gloria groaned again.
"This is not what I had in mind." Chip complained as he crossed his arms over the rope harness Gloria had tethered around his waist and arms so that they could lug him along like a suitcase against the forest floor. "And could you try not to walk over so many tree roots?"
"Yes." Cricket answered him earnestly as he gripped the rope with both hands over his shoulder. "And you think I like this any more than you? Those non diet sodas sure did a number on ya."
Chip angrily spluttered behind him. "Wha-well at least I didn't pick the worst Halloween costume of all time, what are you even supposed to be, a jester?"
"I'm trickor!" Cricket shot back, deliberately walking in the path of a pointy rock so it'd hit Chip.
Meanwhile Tilly was stretching Chip's phone to the sky with all her might as she sat atop Gloria's shoulders. "How about now?"
"Still nothing." Tilly answered, wringing yet another groan from everyone.
"Urghh, we've been walking forever." Cricket complained, wiping the sweat from his forehead as he continued to tug Chip along. "Before long I'm gonna start to get-"
Cricket paused as a loud rumbling filled the air, stead of a dangerous threat though, it was just his stomach.
"Huh…uh hey guys." Gloria stopped, looking over her shoulder with a frown.
"What are we gonna do for food?"