Conversations with Jamie

1. Commitment

Summary: In her dreams, Kaylee imagines having conversations with her future child, which help her in real-life dilemmas – ranging from romantic-and-fluffy to life-and-death.

A bit of fluff just under the wire for Valentine's Day...

"Momma, does Daddy love you?"

Kaylee could not hide her surprise at this question out of the blue from her four-year-old. "Well, of course he does, sweetie."

"And do you love Daddy?"

"I love your daddy very much."

"Then why aren't you and Daddy married?"

Kaylee's eyes flew open. "Why're you askin' this, Jamie?"

"Emma said Auntie Zoe loved Uncle Wash very much before he went away, and they were married. I was just wondering why you and Daddy aren't married."

Kaylee twisted her mouth in chagrin and made a mental note to talk with Zoe about what her daughter might be telling Jamie. Kaylee kneeled down so she could look directly in her child's eyes. "Now, let's be gettin' somethin' straight right now, okay? Your Daddy and me are very much in love, and we neither of us are goin' nowhere without each other or without you. Dŏng ma?"

Jamie nodded. "I understand."

"Good. Now, get into bed and I'll –"

"Then, why ain't you married, Momma?"

Kaylee sighed. Clearly, Jamie was not to be distracted from this question, and the shift into Rim-speech was a sure sign of stubbornness. So be it. She picked up her little one and sat on the bed with the child in her lap. "Well, sweetie, your Daddy did ask me to marry him not long after we found out we was gonna have you, but I told him no."

This time, the surprise was in Jamie's eyes. "You said no? But you said you loved Daddy."

"Yes, I do, but –"

"Then, why?"

"Because–" Kaylee forced down the surge of anger and hurt that rose every time she remembered that day and managed to keep her voice even. "Because I told him he didn't have to marry me just 'cause we were havin' a baby. And anyway, being married ain't all so important to me."

Jamie considered this information, and finally asked, "Was Daddy sad when you said no?"

Kaylee blinked a couple times, again taken off guard by her child's perceptive question. "Well, yes, I guess he was, for a while. But he did not ask me again, so I guess he got over it."

"And you're sure he loves you?"

"Yes, sweetie. He tells me so every day."

"And you love him?"

"Yes, very much. I promise."

Jamie finally seemed satisfied and curled against Kaylee's side. "Still," Jamie said in a quickly-fading but still-defiant voice, "I think you should be married."

Kaylee swallowed the sob that rose in her throat. She tucked the sleeping child under her chin and began rocking her little one side to side.

Kaylee was still rocking herself gently as her eyes fluttered open. She realized she held no child in her arms, and her hands snapped down to the bulge in her belly. She let go the breath she had gasped in. Still there. Still safe.

Simon, however, was not in their bed. She sat up and looked around their quarters until she found him sitting in the chair by the foot of the bed. His body appeared relaxed, but his eyes were fixed on a point on the floor several inches in front of his bare feet. He had pulled on a t-shirt over his sleeping pants, but he hugged himself as if he were chilled. Even in the dim glow of the panel lighting, Kaylee could see his face pinched in frustration.

"Simon," she called softly, and his head snapped up.

He shook his head. "Sorry, băo bèi," he whispered. "Couldn't sleep. I didn't mean to wake you."

"You didn't. I was dreaming is all." The details of the dream were already fading, but she did recall the mixed feelings of joy and sadness it had evoked. And one small, demanding voice.

Kaylee slid off the bed, found her robe on the hook, and tied it on as she walked over to Simon. Kneeling in front of him, she picked up his left hand and held it to her chest. "Do you love me, Simon?"

His eyes widened a moment as he looked at her, and she could see watery twinkles in his eyelashes. He leaned forward and caressed her chin with his free hand. "I love you with all my heart, Kaylee," he replied. And she believed him.

"Then ask me again."

"Kaylee, I'm –"

"It's okay, Simon. Just ask me again."

He stared at her with a confused look in his eyes for several seconds – until, in a blink, all the confusion and struggle vanished from his face, and he jumped to his feet. He traded places with Kaylee and set her on the chair. He started rummaging on the shelving, and she realized what he was doing. "Simon, it's okay. You don't gotta–"

"Indulge me." He finally located and snatched a small box off the shelf and turned back to her, a mischievous smile playing across his face. "I'm a traditionalist."

Kaylee swept her hands open, granting him permission to proceed. A giggle started burbling up her throat, and she fought to keep it at bay for this solemn moment.

A traditionalist indeed, Simon knelt on one knee before her, gathered up her left hand, and bestowed a soft kiss on her knuckles. He looked in her eyes and said, "Kaywinnet Lee Frye, will you do me the great honor of becoming my wife?"

This time, she noted there was no hesitation, no uncertainty in his question. Well, she'd asked him, so she could hardly fault him for having a smug sense of expectation. She was tempted to refuse him just to put him in his place, but there was really no chance of that. She wanted him and knew, with certainty in her heart, that he wanted her. The order of things did not matter so much in the end.

"Yes, Simon Tam, I will gladly marry you."

Simon made a big show of producing the ring – a thin band of rose gold that must have cost his share of the last three jobs – and sliding it on her finger. The giggle finally broke through, and she laughed out loud in sheer joy. No longer able to contain herself, she lunged forward to kiss him – just as he rose up to do the same. The resulting misbalance sent them toppling to the floor, to land in a laughing heap. If there were bruises, neither one felt them as the night proceeded joyfully in the way that wedding nights often do.

At some point, they made it up onto the bed, and come morning, they were comfortably resting in each other's arms. Simon's hand slid languorously down Kaylee's exposed side until it came to rest over her abdomen. He looked at his hand, and then in Kaylee's eyes. "Our child," he breathed and smiled in evident delight. Kaylee heard no more notes of worry in his voice – only wonder and joy.

She lay her own hand over his. "Do you think it's too early to think on names?"

He chuckled. "We have plenty of time for that, but why not? Did you have something in mind?"

"I was thinkin', maybe, Jamie? Works for girl or boy."

Simon tickled her side. "You know, if you just let me analyze the scan, I could tell you now if we are having a boy or girl."

"No, Simon," Kaylee said as she batted his fingers away. "I told you I want to keep that a surprise."

"I think the baby was plenty surprise in itself." He grinned at her as he tried to bring his hand back around for a sneak attack.

"Yeah, and we could make it an even bigger surprise and not get married." She grabbed his questing fingers and held them firm.

"Okay, okay. You win. No learning the gender before Junior is born."

"And no peeking, Doctor Tam."

Simon's eyes rolled momentarily upward. "No peeking."

Kaylee smiled and pecked a kiss on Simon's lips. "Thank you. Now, what did you think of the name?"

"Which one?"

"Jamie."

Simon looked at her a long moment. "Yeah," he finally said and nodded. "Jamie is a good choice."

~ END part 1 ~

This chapter is the first of a five-part story, the first draft of which I finished nearly five years ago. Finally cleaning it up and plan to post over the next month or so. Chapters 1 and 2 are fluffy to downright schmoopy, but chapter 3 shifts into straight drama with a bit of suspense; chapters 4 and 5 fall somewhere in between. Thank you for reading!