Chapter 4

Thank you for your feedback. The first three chapters truly were about "getting this out" of their system. Now we enter the toughs talks that need to happen. That the fan base has been waiting to happen, and we keep getting denied. LOL This is how I sort of see this happening.

Elliot and Olivia slept with their bodies intertwined. They slept deeper than either had in a very long time. A sleep that came with inner peace, and they both had found the peace they had been searching years for. Deep in the darkness of night, Olivia's eyes fluttered open, and she felt the warmth of Elliot's body, as he was pressed up against her, and his arms wrapped protectively around her. Even though this night was about 'getting it out' of their system, she knew it was more, and she hoped Elliot felt the same way.

But a lot still needed to be said.

As the sun broke through, Olivia rolled over to find an empty spot next to her. Elliot was in the kitchen making breakfast, and she could smell a mixture of coffee, eggs, and bacon wafting into the bedroom. As Olivia walked into the kitchen, she noticed Elliot feverishly preparing a hearty breakfast while wearing nothing but his sweatpants, which sat low on his hips, and a "Grill Daddy" apron that she hoped was a gift from his kids or grandkids. Upon hearing her footsteps, Elliot looked up at Olivia and smiled. He quickly took note that she was wearing his t-shirt and a pair of his boxers. She looked delicious in his clothing.

Olivia took a seat at the island and asked, "How did you sleep?" Elliot paused, gave her a magical grin while he moved closer to her and placed a soft kiss on her lips. "Slept better than I have in years. My bed buddy helped with that." He flashed his magnetic smile, sauntered over to steal a kiss, and gave her a wink.

Elliot returned to the stove, and brought the plates to the island. He and Olivia enjoyed their breakfast while engaging in light conversation. They chatted about the old squad and where everyone had ended up. They caught up on some of the craziest cases SVU had dealt with in the past 10 years. As breakfast, and the conversation, wound down, Olivia summoned the courage to take the next logical step.

"Elliot…can we really talk? I think I'm ready, if you are." Elliot reached for her hand, knowing this was the conversation he was dreading. "Yes. I'm ready."

They relaxed on the couch, semi facing each other. Elliot had made them both tea, and they settled in for a long conversation. He turned nervously to Olivia, and encouraged her to begin. "Where would you like to start?"

Olivia pondered the question, and decided to jump in where the separation began. "After Jenna's shooting…when you stopped coming to the precinct…I defended you to everyone." Her voice was shaking with the feelings of the past coming back to the surface. Elliot placed his hand on hers, and Olivia grabbed on for dear life. "That was when I kept calling and texting you. I felt so lost…hurt…confused why you were not responding. No matter how hurt or angry I was, I continued to defend that it was a good shot. You saved so many lives with your actions." Elliot's heart cracked in two.

"When Cragen told me you put your papers in, my heart and soul were ripped from my body."

Those words cut through Elliot. He wasn't sure he could continue on with this conversation, but he knew he owed Olivia his undivided attention. He made the selfish mistake of leaving her, so he had to sit and take everything she needed to say to him. No matter how difficult this was going to be, Elliot knew this was all about, and for, Olivia. For her to get the closer she needed.

Over the course of the next hour or so, Olivia brought Elliot up to speed what the 1-6 was like in the days, months, years after he left. She talked about Cragan, his controversies, and his retirement. She told him about Munch's retirement party, and the new career he embarked on after leaving SVU. She talked about Amaro, and Elliot winced every time she referred to Nick as 'her partner'. He knew he had no right to be jealous, but as far as Elliot was concerned, he was Olivia's partner. Always and forever…for better or worse.

When they took a break to grab a quick lunch, Elliot finally asked "Where is Noah?" Olivia lightly giggled, and let him know that Noah was on a weekend sleepover with Carisi, Amanda, and their girls. He would 'be back Sunday afternoon', making it clear they still have well over 24 hours, and another evening, together.

Olivia decided it was time to tackle the difficult stories. This would not be easy for her to relive, and Olivia knew this would hurt Elliot, and she was dreading inflicting so much pain on him.

"Do you want me to start with things that have happened to me, or my dating life?" She reciprocated his earlier wink. Elliot knew finding out what happened to her was the most important information, but his jealous bone was far too curious. "Let's start with your dating life," as a shy, embarrassed grin spread across his face. His blue eyes looked lovingly at Olivia, and she tried to stifle a laugh watching Elliot trying to not be obvious.

"In an attempt to heal my broken heart, I began dating a new ADA that was assigned to SVU. His name was David, and he was fun. Exactly what I needed. We lasted until it just became too complicated to navigate the 'conflict of interest'." Closing her eyes, Olivia let herself reflect back on that time in her life. "David helped me feel desirable again…sexy and wanted" Elliot clearly understood her insinuations, but he couldn't help himself. "Liv, you've always been sexy. I know I always wanted you." Olivia gave him a side smirk, and continued on. "Soon after we…didn't work out…I sort of hooked back up with a familiar face." Olivia kept her gaze locked on Elliot as he processed what she was saying. She could literally see the light bulb go off. "Cassidy?" Olivia shyly nodded, but remembered she didn't have to apologize for anything in her life. "He was the right man, at the right time. He was there for me, when I desperately needed someone there." Her words cut Elliot's soul. "We lasted a while." Olivia referenced her scars. "Brian was there for me during the dark, horrible episode in my life. We got pretty serious and even moved in together." Fin told Elliot…"She's had a couple of relationships. One was pretty solid." He nodded understandingly, and suppressed any objections he had to her being involved with the 'kid'. "After the horrible episode it sort of became too much for him. I thought I was pregnant, and when we found out I wasn't, Brian was relieved. I knew then he wasn't the one for me. I wanted to be a mother one day."

"And you have Noah now, so…." Olivia looked at Elliot with a pensive smile. "I'll get to Noah in a little bit."

"A few years later, I started seeing someone who surprisingly ended up being very good for me." Elliot reflected back to his conversation with Fin. This must be who Fin was talking about. "Was this Ed?" Olivia was stunned and looked at Elliot. Oh God…he knows about Ed.

Sensing Olivia's apprehension, Elliot reminded her that she told him that 'Ed' had died. "Yeah…this was Ed." Olivia sensed that Elliot hadn't made the connection yet. "Ed was there for me. He loved me, and he loved and adored Noah. We were serious, and when we started talking about the future, he told me he was ready to retire." Elliot inquired, "Was he a cop?"

Olivia nodded yes, and continued. "Ed was ready to retire and I wasn't. I know that sounds really selfish of me, but I wasn't ready to give up my job. My life." She looked lovingly at Elliot, knowing that the truth would soon hit him, and she was preparing herself for that inquisition.

"A few years later, Ed remarried, and the next time I saw him, he told me that he had advanced brain cancer. He didn't want his new family to know. He was suffering, and the last time I saw him, he was saying goodbye…and I didn't know. Later that day, he ate his gun." Elliot stood up and began pacing. Olivia could see the wheels turning in his head. She knew he was putting it together.

"Tucker committed suicide. I remember hearing that. 'Ed' was Ed Tucker?" Olivia nodded, lowering her gaze to the ground to avoid eye contact. "Ed Tucker? IAB rat, Ed Tucker?! After everything he did to me!? And especially everything he did to you?!" This new information was overloading Elliot's brain, but when he saw Olivia's disapproving expression, he quickly remembered she owed him no explanation, especially in regards to her personal life. "I'm so sorry. Just give me a moment. This is a lot."

Oh Elliot…you have no idea.

"I know this is difficult to understand. And it took me by complete surprise. He was just there one day, when I needed someone there." Elliot tried not to take that as a personal dig. "He was good to me El.. He loved me. He wanted to marry me, and I wanted to marry him. And above all, he loved Noah. We were a 'family' for a little while." Sensing the panic churning in Elliot's brain, Olivia quickly cleared the air. "Tucker is not Noah's father. Just so you know." Elliot released a long, deep breath that he didn't even realize he was holding. "So…that's it for my dating life. Any other questions?"