Chapter 5

I think Noah deserves his own chapter.

Elliot took a moment to figure how to ask his next question, and realized there was no way out, but through. "So, was Noah's father a one-night stand?" Olivia snickered at his question. Elliot rephrased, "Or was it someone you couldn't tell anyone about?"

Olivia got up, and made her way to the kitchen. She made herself a glass of water, and drank it in one gulp. Elliot watched her closely, trying to figure out why she had reservations telling him about who got her pregnant. He could feel rage, and little jealousy, bubbling up. If some bastard hurt her, or Noah, I want names and addresses.

Olivia stared out the window, her mind reflecting on a specific elevator ride with Elliot many years ago.

Elliot: How long is this going to go on?
Olivia: What? Calvin painting?
Elliot: You playing mom.

"You playing mom." A statement made that has haunted Olivia for years. It has always made her question her abilities as a mother. Will Elliot think I'm playing mom since Noah is not my biological child? She never told Elliot how those words cut her to the core, and now she's terrified he'll think the same way since Noah is adopted.

"Liv? Are you okay?" Olivia snapped out of her memory, and made her way back into the living room. Taking her seat and inhaling a deep breath, "Elliot…Noah's adopted. I found him sleeping in a motel room dresser drawer. He was found in the hands of a couple who made kiddie porn." Elliot sat engrossed with what Olivia was sharing. "His mother was a prostitute we had arrested, who was part of a larger sex trafficking ring. His father was the man who broke the girls in…bought and sold them."

Tears welled up in Elliot's eyes. The thought of anyone touching a curl on Noah's had him on the brink of rage. Keep it together Stabler. Olivia continued, "We were helping Ellie…Noah's birth mother…get her life together when we found out she was the actual mother of 'baby boy doe'...what we called Noah after he was found. She was going to testify against the ringleader Johnny D." (Olivia's mouth burned saying his name out loud.) "Ellie got scared and left the safe house and we found her burned to death soon after. Johnny D. went on trial, but before it began, Warner paid me a visit. With Johnny D.'s DNA now in the system, there was a DNA match on for baby boy doe's father, and it was Johnny D."

Olivia took a deep breath and gathered her thoughts. "Before we knew the DNA results, Judge Linden in Family Court outright asked me if I wanted to be a foster mother to Noah. She noticed I had kept an active interest in his case." Tears began to well up in her eyes. "El, I knew the moment I picked Noah up in that motel room that he was mine. I fell in love instantly." Tears were now streaming down her face. "According to Linden, after a year, if no other family members could be located, I could start adoption proceedings. And that's what happened" Elliot took a moment to let all this process.

"Melinda advised to not put Johnny D. on Noah's birth certificate. Barba told me it was not discoverable in Johnny D.'s trial. But I had gotten myself into some trouble lying on record, and the last I wanted was for my life with Noah to be built on a lie." Tears welled up in Olivia's eyes reliving those terrifying months. "Once the birth certificate was filed, Johnny D. started using it as a weapon to try and garner a deal with the DA."

Elliot sat motionless, but laser focused on Olivia. His heart was breaking listening to her voice. He offered his hand, and Olivia grabbed on. He felt her shaking. "I insisted no deal be made, and I knew I was facing the possibility of taking Noah to visit his father in state prison until he was 18." Olivia took a deep, shaky breath.

Elliot squeezed her hand in reassurance. She looked down and placed her other hand on Elliot's, as if she was holding on for dear life…as if Elliot was a life-preserver.

"Johnny D.'s trial began, and it was as awful as you would expect it would be. It was painful listening to the girls' stories…heartbreaking watching them face their abuser. Long story short, during a disturbance caused by some of his girls who turned against the state, Johnny D. flipped a table and grabbed a CO's gun, and held her hostage. He shot another CO and a Judge, and ended up killing his hostage in a shootout with my partner Nick. Amaro was able to shoot and kill Johnny D. before he got away."

Elliot felt numb. What hell has she been through?

"But in the end, because both of his birth parents were deceased, and no other blood relatives could be found, Judge Linden approved the adoption. And I legally had my son." Elliot gently wiped away a tear that was streaming down Olivia's cheek. "Liv…I'm so sorry you had to go through that, but now you have an amazing son. I don't know him well, but he is a Benson through and through, and I can't wait to get to know him better" This validation pushed out any doubt Olivia had about her parenting ability, and she gave Elliot a loving smile. His opinion of her still meant so much.

"It's been tough being a single mother while being a Sergeant, Lieutenant, and now Captain, but I wouldn't change it for the world." Elliot beamed with pride. She had become everything he knew she could be. Olivia let go of Elliot's hand, and stood up and slowly began pacing in front of the couch. "Olivia…is everything okay?"

Olivia nodded, and decided to get through the next part quickly. "A few years later, Ellie's mother, Sheila, showed up at my door. Noah had a blood relative…his grandmother. And she tried to get custody, and vacate the adoption."

Good God…how can she have gone through so much heartbreak.

"Langan assured me that the adoption would not be overturned, but that didn't ease my fears. After a while, I decided to let Sheila have some visitation so they could get to know each other.

God…she has such an amazing heart.

"Sheila eventually had Noah kidnapped, and took him for a couple days. She hired someone to take him, and we eventually found him out of state." The memory burned her heart and soul. "Elliot I can't even tell you how terrified I was during the time he was missing." Tears began to flow freely, and Elliot jumped up and wrapped Olivia in a tight embrace, gently stroking her hair. She let out all the fear she had been holding since the day they found Noah. She grabbed on to Elliot to help steady herself. He cradled her head against his chest, and eventually helped even out Olivia's breath with his. Once she calmed down, he kissed the top of her head, and they stepped apart from each other, but Elliot kept a hold of her hands.

Olivia gave his hands a squeeze, and reluctantly let go. Elliot could sense she needed a break. "How about we take a moment. Maybe grab a bite for lunch? We've been at this for a while." Olivia nodded in agreement, and Elliot closed the space between them, and placed a gentle, soft, and loving kiss on Olivia's lips. Their foreheads connected, and Elliot softly spoke, "Thank you Liv. Thank you for trusting me with all of this." Olivia squeezed his hands again, "Thank you for listening. There is more, but I think a bite to eat would be great."