Because I love you
Today was the end of the beginning. Today was a sad day full of tears, yet to him it was also a happy day full of smiles.
"Dad, are you truly alright?"
He smiled a little at that young voice behind him. Its tone had a stubborn concoction, but its edges were imbued by an unhidden care. To everyone who knew him it would be natural to worry about his mental state right now. From the vendors out on the street to his first child; the entire City of Banan and even a murderous Great Spirit would show their polite care.
As a Father, he was proud of his children for having such a resolute will. He could never compete or match their will to live, to go on, to appreciate the past for what it was. Nor could he tell them his true motives.
"Ha-ha! My stupid child has grown up enough to worry about his Father, eh? But unfortunately for you, I am the great Natsuki Subaru," when he tried to point a finger to the heavens and twist his hip to the side, his back croaked and a sharp pain twisted his bones. "Oh shit," he said as he started to collapse to the floor.
But if he did so now, not only would his son and daughter worry about him, but his clean black suit would also turn dirty and his breast pocket might lose the object inside it. He could not show such a side to her, especially because this would be her last day.
"-How clumsy. I suppose stupid humans always have weak bones. I'll kill you."
His body was floating upon flimsy air and the sharp voice made him gently close his eyes. "You're here, Zarestia. I knew you would come soon."
"Hah! Talk about yourself. Your predictions do not dictate what I do or don't do…but, well, I am here." The murderous spirit stood in front, her eyes narrowed into both helpless hatred and warranted grief. "I-I already bid her a safe journey. Hope the parting is peaceful."
Her kimono was the same as always; beautiful and tidy except for the stain of a small tear by her shoulder. He knew his delicate wife must have cried her goodbye.
Within her eyes, he could see his own calm face. He had become quite the grizzly old man; his white beard had been trimmed but was still prickly, and his long gray hair had been swept back. He had tried to maintain his physique over the years, but time was a cruel maiden to him. Not that it mattered anymore.
"We still don't know that," behind him, his son's voice broke just a little. "Mom could have more days left, you know! I mean, she's an Oni! So, uh," he trailed off.
"Rigel," Zarestia muttered in care, but his stubborn son, Natsuki Rigel, turned away and wiped his tears. The young man was dashing, slender, strong, and dressed the same as his Father. Around his neck was a necklace with a pink gem, same as the one worn by Zarestia.
Everytime his wife would ask about it, Rigel would blush uncontrollably and hide the truth. Subaru knew that the two were together in their strange and romantic relationship, and that they wouldn't reveal it for quite some time.
For now his son was preoccupied with becoming the greatest warrior in Kararagi, trained under the shadow of Halibel.
"Is Spica with her?" He asked them, despite knowing the answer.
"Yup," Rigel said. "You know how she is, super attached to Mom. My cute Sister is in there latching onto her."
"We should go now and visit her."
The walk to his wife's hospital room felt desolate and gave each of them time to ponder over this inevitable end. The marble floors and painted walls were empty, a clear white which drowned out everything else.
There was no life in this world anymore. Colors faded out and voices dulled until only the soft thumps of his heart remained. It was shocking how the loss of a loved one could repeatedly null the entire world.
Even though he knew the end would come, he still could never prepare his heart for this. All of it was too unfair, too sudden.
The doctor gave them a solemn shake of his head and Zarestia consoled the desperately held-back weeps of Rigel. Inside the plainly decorated room, his adorable daughter with long hair ran up to him and hugged him tight.
"Shh, it's okay, Spica." Though his hand patted her head, his eyes moved to his wife. Laid on the bed, she looked the weakest she had ever been. Her skin was old, dry, and crumpled with wrinkles. Her blue hair had lost its color and had become like dry leaves.
Her cheeks were hollowed, but her face remained spectacularly beautiful. She watched him too, her dry lips curving up into a small smile.
"Subaru-kun," she said in a raspy voice. This day was indeed special because his dear Rem used that manner of calling him.
"Could I talk to my wife, please? Could I say my words privately?" He requested them all.
From the corner, a flickering shadow left the room, followed closely by the rest of them.
He smiled knowing that Halibel would be waiting for him after this, ready to take him out for some heavy drinks. But his smile was laced with regret.
After they had left, he went to Rem's bedside and held her hand.
"Rem, my dear wife, you look so beautiful."
"You don't have to lie to me, Subaru-kun."
"Does it look like I am lying?"
A tinge of pink embraced her cheeks, her eyes watered, and she said lovingly, "I am so happy."
"Why?"
"Because! Because I have so many people in my life. Tia, Spica, Rigel, Halibel-san, the people of the City, and you, my dear Husband. All of this has been possible because you were here with me, Subaru-kun. And right now, I am truly happy that I got to be the one to go first."
"-!" He sniffled, tears threatening to break through. He knew it was her dream, her wish, thus he could not speak against it, not now.
A pristine drop of tear went down her cheek and onto the pillow. "If it had been Subaru-kun, I could never bear it! I could never watch on as you passed away. So that's why, I know this is selfish, but Rem is glad that I did not have to see that."
"And what makes…what makes you think that I could bear this. Ah," his grief had come out again. He did not want to give Rem this kind of a parting memory. He did not want to leave himself such a memory to think upon.
"Subaru-kun," she dearly said his name again and reached out a hand to touch his cheek. "Both of us are old now."
"Suuupper old."
"Ah-ha. Ah, but my Subaru-kun is still handsome. I am worried that other girls will start swooning over you."
"I wonder who gave you this habit of getting off track, huh."
"You did. You gave me everything. You have made me the happiest woman in the entire world. And I truly hope that I did the same for you, my darling. But this is exactly why we have to accept the inevitability of death."
"Something like that," his face darkened.
"I prayed that we could be together forever."
His eyes widened at that surprising statement he had never heard before. "Rem," he said. "If that is your wish, I, uh–"
"But I am happy by this end. I am glad of all the years I spent with you," her breaths were turning softer and lower. Her throat seemed to croak with every word she said. She wanted to speak more, he knew, but she did not have such a leeway.
Subaru gripped her hand tighter. He recalled all the times he had talked with her like this; the lonely nights and days after she had been hospitalized.
"Are you comfortable?" He asked.
"Yes! Subaru-kun being beside me makes Rem the most comfortable woman in the entire world."
He brought himself close to her face and said, "Rem, I love you. I love you more than anything in this entire world. It's not that only you became the happiest woman, but that I became the happiest man by getting to live by yourself."
"Ah, you're going to..make me cry, Subaru-kun. I am so happy."
"Together we made so many memories together."
"Memories that will last me and you for an eternity."
"Together we gave life to two fabulous children."
"Children who have already made us proud. Though I would have loved to have some grandchildren."
"Together we healed each other's broken hearts."
"We could have only done that together, Subaru-kun."
Their nose touched and his lips brushed hers. "That's why," he said, his tone full of grief and happiness. Tears emerged and dropped on her face.
"That's why," she repeated, her voice nothing but a passing whisper.
"I love you, Rem." "I love you, Subaru-kun."
–With that final kiss out of many, Natsuki Rem passed away peacefully, a smile eternally pasted on her face.
The moment he checked her non-existent breaths and empty heart, Natsuki Subaru weeped as much as wanted to. He wrapped himself around her and cried his heart out.
The curtains were closed, the world was black, and it no longer had a color. The others would respect his grief and give him the necessary space he needed.
….
He took out the object from his breast pocket—a pocket knife. Its clean blade reflected his own dead eyes back at him.
"Don't worry, Rem. I'll soon be with you, just like last time, just like always. Our love can never, never, never end."
His thrust was cold and practiced, the blade burrowed in his nape. It no longer hurt, while his own blood choked his throat and gave him no escape. Soon everything went numb and black.
…
"-I love you."
That same voice kept repeating its empty words at him. The shrouded figure strode close to him, and his burning desire was to reach out and grab her.
He was back in this place and only now did he remember what it was all about. However, only one thing remained in his broken heart.
"Sorry but I already have someone else in my heart. I cannot stay here. I am sure you understand."
"-I love you." "I love you." "I love you."
The woman was crying out for him, begging him to stay, but instead he walked towards the light.
And then–
…..
"Subaru-kun? Are you alright? What happened suddenly?"
"-"
She was beautiful and young and healthy. She was dressed in a maid outfit, her facial expression one of worry. Sunlight blinded him for a few seconds, but he quickly understood everything again.
"Rem, run away with me."
"Eh? W-Why? All of a sudden."
He was laughing, he realized. He was also crying. Like the world before, and the world before it, and even all the worlds before it, he found himself back where he wanted to go. Subaru was back to where he needed to go.
His wish would be forever fulfilled and her wish would also be accomplished. His love would lock this world forever. His love would triumph over time and death, and would never end.
So, like always, there was only one answer for him to give her.
"-Because I love you."
Author's note: Happy Valentines! Just a little one-shot I wrote up. Hope you enjoyed it.