Giminzil learns the meaning of amdir and estel.
Armenelos. Early Spring. SA 3281
GIMINZIL shivered at the cold that seeped all the way to her bones.
A young girl sitting within the crook of her mother's arm peeked at Giminzil. The girl was dirty and dressed in faded garments that had once been a deep green velvet. Giminzil smiled at the girl and offered the bread in her hand.
The girl looked at her mother who nodded.
"You don't want it?" The little girl asked, but she bit into the bread hungrily. When she was done eating, she looked up. "Your hair is pretty," she said.
Giminzil smiled at that. Her hair was now dirty and hung loose behind her back. That she used to worry about the color of her hair was laughable now.
"Your hair is pretty, too," Giminzil said as she touched the girl's greasy, golden curls. The girl was so young, no older than nine, perhaps ten.
Giminzil looked at the group of women and children, seven in all. They were the most recent 'rebels' captured by the King's Men. There had been more of them when Giminzil was first thrust in here. But one by one, sometimes by twos and threes, they took them away and never returned.
At first, Giminzil was kept at a single cell, but once Lord Zigur stopped calling for her, the queen stopped coming. Then, the long winter came as she watched through the bars of her cell which looked out onto the city and smelled the stench that had filled the city for seven days and seven nights.
It was not until she was shoved into this larger cell with others that she learned that the foul odor she smelled was from the tree. They said the king had finally chopped down the White Tree and burned it in the Temple. And for seven days the dark smoke from it had covered the city of Armenelos.
Giminzil would have cried if she had any more tears left in her, but she did not. And she did not give in. Not because of the man, although she worried whether Isildur was alive, but more because of her father and brother. At least, that was what she told herself.
They had sent her father to the cell to plead with her, but her father had told her otherwise. Giminzil played over the scene the last time she saw her father, perhaps a month after she was brought to a small single room with one tiny window that looked out onto Armenelos. Her father, whose hair had turned completely white, had lost much weight and was like a different person.
"I am sorry for what is happening, my daughter." Her father had held her tightly to him and then lowering his head, whispered into her ear. "I know they want me to beg you to say that it was Isildur, thus Lord Amandil, who tried to harm the king. But, Abrazan was right. There is more at stake than what seems. How I wish I could tell Abrazan so. If we let Zigur take down Lord Amandil, then we allow everything that is good in Anadune to burn. His fall will affect many others, the many Faithful who still believe in the traditions and values our forefathers had fought hard to keep alive. Do you understand, my daughter?"
"Have they…have they gotten to Isildur? Abrazan?"
"They tried. But, they cannot touch Lord Amandil without solid proof, and," he lowered his voice even further, "I believe Lord Amandil has Abrazan or has sent him to Middle Earth. They could not locate him. As long as you do not testify against either of them, even if they are caught, they could not lawfully bring them to court. But, you my daughter, they have accused you of spying, of assisting an assassin. And the evidence against you is…"
It had been the first time she had seen her father cry. And within two months of that meeting, the queen came to visit her. She didn't beg Giminzil to testify as she had done the first two prior visits. Instead, the queen had secretly handed her a sealed letter from her father with the news of her father's passing. It had been the last of the queen's visits and the last of the favors.
Giminzil bit down the hard lump in her throat at the last memory of her father.
"What is your name?" Forcing a smile, Giminzil asked the girl.
"Nimloth."
"Like the White Tree?"
The girl nodded, smiling widely. "It means 'white flower'."
"That is a pretty name. Mine is Silmë."
"Your name is pretty, too," the girl said. "'Starlight'. Were you named that because of your hair?" the girl asked.
"Is that what 'Silmë' means?" Giminzil had not known.
The girl nodded. Giminzil wished she had learned the Elven tongue. Maybe she should have paid more attention when her mother taught her history.
There were so many things Giminzil did not know. She understood now what Isildur had said during their first meeting that her name was an apt description of her beautiful hair. She had been too frightened at that time to ask him what he meant. Terrified as she was, she remembered one thing clearly about Isildur, his eyes. The calm strength in those gray eyes and the gentle smile on his lips had soothed her frantic heart. She had known that she could trust him.
Giminzil wondered if Isildur lived. His wound was serious. Would he come for her if he survived? But, then why should he? He rescued her, and she had paid him back by helping him. They were even now. More likely, she would never see him again. What she was doing, her refusal to testify, it was for her brother. Not for Isildur. So, he didn't owe her.
Her eyes stung. Giminzil looked away at the lone window high above the stone cell.
Thump!
Something slammed against the wall of the cell.
Nimloth's mother swept the child into her arms.
The door to the prison burst opened. Giminzil stood up, along with the other women and the children, moving away from the door. Through the door, two tall men, their faces and head covered in dark fabric, walked in.
"Silmë," one of them took off his face cover.
Tears welled in her eyes. Giminzil rushed into the open arms.
"Abrazan."
"Dear sister, I found you."
They clung to each other.
"How did you get here? It is too dangerous."
"Abrazan," the other man touched Abrazan's elbow.
Giminzil looked at the man. His voice sounded familiar.
But they didn't have time to talk or to linger. The women and children were quickly ushered out.
When they stepped out of the dungeon door, there were two more armed and masked men. Behind them was a group of people who looked as if they have been in the dungeon as long as she had. Several guards groaned on the ground, and one of the masked men was tying the guards together.
"Do you know where father is held?" Abrazan whispered as they were led down a dark hallway.
"Abrazan, father…he didn't…" Her throat tightened, and tears fell down her face.
Her brother pulled her into his arms, then kissed her forehead.
"He was old and was already very weak." Giminzil could feel his brother's muscles tense and go rigid as she wrapped her arms around his waist. "Even if it wasn't for the cold of the dungeons, he would not have lasted long."
Her brother nodded woodenly.
The other man's hand came and landed behind her brother's back.
"I'm sorry," he said. "It was my fault."
"This is no time to talk of faults," Abrazan said and walked forward.
Giminzil was now certain the man was Isildur. She moved to follow her brother when Isildur walked up next to her. He grabbed her hand then squeezed. He looked down at her and she looked up at him. He didn't say anything, but he didn't need to. The grief and the sorrow in his eyes said it all. She gave him a teary smile, and nodded, squeezing his hand in return. Then, she followed after her brother. They moved in silence.
Giminzil noticed that instead of going up, they were going down.
"Shouldn't we go up?" Giminzil looked up at her brother.
"There is a secret passage down here that leads directly outside the wall of the palace," Isildur whispered to her from behind her.
When they went down another level, it seemed as if there was no where to go. Isildur stepped forward then pawed the wall. Giminzil did not know what he was looking for until the wall slid open. It revealed a narrow passage.
The passage was dark and damp. It curved and went even lower until it came to another wall that slid open. Outside was a dirt path. Some areas of the passage went over a natural cave and you could see a moonbeam come through a narrow crevice high above.
"What is this place?" Giminzil asked as she looked around her. There was more than a dozen men and women with four children following behind Isildur and her brother. The two armed men followed behind the rescued prisoners.
"If you knew this passage, why didn't you use this instead of the cliff?" Giminzil whispered to Isildur as he walked beside her.
"I didn't know about this passage before. This is a secret passage known only to the kings in the event they needed to escape the palace."
"I heard about it from my mother. But, I thought the knowledge was passed only from a king to his heir. Even my mother only knew a very limited portion of the passage."
"Tar-Palantir told my grandfather."
"The queen's father?"
"Yes, the former king passed the knowledge of the passage to my grandfather. He told him that one day, he may need to use it. Perhaps, he foresaw this day. You know that he was known for his foresight."
"But, why did Lord Amandil tell you? I thought your grandfather did not believe in going against the king."
"My grandfather is loyal to the king, but he cannot abide by what is happening. When he saw what was happening at the temple…"
"Saw? He went to visit the temple?"
"Of course not. He can see things using a palantir."
"What's that?"
"It's a seeing stone. I'll explain it to you one day."
"But, you wouldn't have been able to do this again. I am sure Lord Zigur will figure it out. You do not know what he is capable of." Giminzil shivered.
"We know more than you think," Isildur said. "But even without knowing this passage, I would have come for you. I am sorry it took so long. It's just… it took me a while to recover."
"He got out of bed only a few days ago." Abrazan turned suddenly and jumped into the conversation. "And he threatened Lord Amandil that he was going to the palace to rescue you whether he allowed it or not."
Isildur pushed Abrazan away. "No one is talking to you, Abrazan."
"You came to the palace alone to get the fruit and now this, don't you think you are rather rash?"
"That is what they tell me." Isildur rubbed at the back of his neck.
"And he still does not listen," Abrazan said. "I have been planning this for months, and he just got out of bed and thought he could just walk into the palace."
Isildur turned to her. "Thank you for the fruit. You do not know what that gift meant for everyone. How did you get it? I thought Sauron had it in his chamber and it was inaccessible."
"I'll tell it to you one day," Giminzil said, unable to control the pull of her lips. Isildur made an exaggerated bow. She walked forward and tapped her brother on the shoulder. She had questions. "Lord Zigur's soldiers were looking for you, brother. How did you evade them?"
"Before they came, I received a warning from Lord Elendil. I sailed out into the open sea letting them think I sailed to the Middle Earth."
The passage opened onto an edge of a forest where a small stream cut across it. The grasses were green and covered in the purple blooms of bluebells. When they emerged, two more armored men approached them with horses, and the dawn was breaking pale in the eastern sky.
Having washed in the stream and changed her clothes, she sat on a horse and watched the colossal Temple of Melkor. The silver dome, once bright and shiny, had turned black. A great black smoke issued from the louver in the topmost of the dome filling the sky with dark clouds like a great dragon hovering above the city. Armenelos, once known as the Golden City of the Kings, was golden no longer.
Giminzil turned to look up at the steep hillside on the top of which sat the King's House. From where she was the cliff looked impossibly steep. Isildur moved his horse next to hers and they looked up at the King's palace.
"How did you climb that? Even with Daira…" the mention of her name brought the pain anew. Lord Zigur had told her how her maid had died. He had told her that she killed Daira when she refused to name Isildur.
"I am sorry for the ordeal you went through because of me. I heard about what happened to your maid. Did she at least find her son?"
"Son?" Giminzil frowned. Daira had never mentioned that she had a son.
"You didn't know? Your brother rescued her from a burning village. The slave traders. Abrazan said he got there too late. It seemed she fought back, and they decided to get rid of her. But they took her young son. That is why your brother brought her here. She wanted to come and find her son. We tried what we could to find out to whom her son was sold to. I was only able to find that it was one of the servants from the high lords, a member of the Council of Sceptre. I couldn't find out which one. Daira wanted to go to the palace which was, as you are aware, something we could not do for her. That was why Abrazan sent her to you, so you could take her to the court and provide opportunity for her to find him. She never told you?"
Giminzil shook her head. There were so many things she did not know. Too many things she did not bother to learn.
"I suppose, we will never know now." Isildur dropped his head. "I should not have involved her. But I no longer had anyone inside the palace that I could approach, and when I saw her at the market...I am truly sorry."
"At the least, the fruit, was it worth it?"
"Yes. Yes, it was. My grandfather planted it and it grew. And it gave us hope."
Hope? Was that enough to make up for all that happened? Giminzil wondered, but she did not ask.
"I cannot make up for all the losses you experienced because of me. But, tell me what I could do, and I will do it." Isildur looked down at her with unfathomable eyes. "You saved me. My life, it belongs to you now."
"I helped you because you helped me. We are even now."
"What I did for you was just a small portion of what you have done for me. You risked everything. May I ask why?"
"Why what?" Giminzil turned to look at Isildur. He was gazing at the temple.
"Sauron…Lord Zigur must have asked you to testify against my grandfather, at the least, to testify against me, but you did not. You had everything to lose and nothing to gain by keeping silent. Yet, you kept silent. Why?" He turned to her now, his gray eyes probing.
Giminzil shrugged.
"The last time I saw my brother at Romenna, he told me not to mention your name to the guards and especially to Lord Zigur. He told me of Lord Amandil's importance to the Faithful and that he was Lord Zigur's enemy. If he knew you were involved in the incident at the palace, he may try to use you. Still, I may have given up and testify if it wasn't for my father. He told me how many people it will affect if I testified against you. And I couldn't, knowing that my words could send many to their death."
"I see." Isildur looked away. "That's it then. That was the only reason."
Giminzil thought the man looked disappointed. What had he expected to hear, she wondered. But there was no more time to talk.
"We need to move quickly. As soon as they find the prisoners missing, they will be looking for us." Abrazan pulled over next to Giminzil.
"Where are we going?"
"I have a ship waiting in Romenna. I am going to take those people who are willing to come with me and leave these shores."
It was late afternoon when they arrived at Romenna. Except for two young couple who wanted to stay, the rest of the prisoners opted to follow Abrazan to Middle Earth. Most of them had everything taken from them and had nothing to keep them here.
To make sure they did not attract attention, they divided into small groups and were led down to a small cove hidden from the port of Romenna. Abrazan's ship lay hidden behind the coastal cliffs.
"We just sent a signal. They should be sending a boat for us." Abrazan said. "Rest for now, but be ready to leave at a moment's notice." He went up into the high place accompanied by another man.
Giminzil turned to Isildur. "How about you? Are you coming? Please tell me you will be coming, too."
Isildur shook his head sadly. "My hope lives still with this land."
Something in her heart tore and bled. "Even after all that they are doing? How could you still have hope when so much has gone wrong? When so much has been taken?"
Giminzil shivered. The rebels they took away to burn at the temple were just another people, people who believed differently. And some of them were just children.
"Will I see you again?" Giminzil asked. Her heart tightened suddenly at the thought of it. She was certain that she was never coming back to Anadune again. "Will you come, maybe not today, but someday?"
"Does it matter to you?" Isildur's eyes which had been dark gray took in a silver light.
Giminzil nodded.
"Then, do not go," he said and took hold of her hands. "I know it may seem as if the world is turning dark, dangerous, and destructive, but if there are still those of us who hope, isn't this world of ours still worth fighting for? Will you not have hope and stay with me? If you will trust me, I will protect you and keep you safe. And in time, if your heart is willing, if you will allow it, I would like to stay by your side always. For in your hands, I have left my heart the last time I saw you."
Giminzil's heart thumped. She could feel her cheeks sear. But she wasn't sure.
"But, having hope, is it enough?"
"It is what we need to have when the times are at its darkest. Elves have two words for it. One is called 'amdir' which means 'looking up' and the other is called 'estel' which means 'trust.' It means to have faith in Eru. We are his children. As children, sometimes we do not understand His design. But having hope is to look up, think positively and trust that His design is for our joy and believe that He will not allow us to fall into the utter darkness. Instead of despair, we need to walk the path that is given to us. Do our part and try our best not to go astray. And, do you not see Eru was watching? Think about it, Silme. Do you think my finding you in that chamber just a mere coincidence? Why were you there that night? Why that chamber when I could have climbed the other one? Or you could have come an hour earlier and left before I got there. Yet, you and I met."
Giminzil turned to look up at the western sky. The sun was setting, but in the west, the light still glowed bright white. She wondered whether she was able to steal that fruit from Lord Zigur because Eru had meant for it to happen. Was there really a bigger design beyond what she could see?
"The boats are here," Abrazan ran past her to the water where two boats approached.
The man who had been standing on the top of the cliff as a look-out shouted as he ran down. "Soldiers! There's many hooves coming from the direction of Armenelos!"
"My lord," one of the two armed men who remained with the horses approached Isildur. "We need to leave here before we can be seen."
The people were up now and running to the two boats rowing closer to the shore.
"Please, Silmë. Stay with me." Isildur offered his hand.
"Perhaps, you could teach me more about 'amdir and estel.'"
Giminzil laid her hand on Isildur's outstretched hand. Isildur smiled widely then pulled her into his cape, wrapping her in its warmth.
A/N: This discussion of hope in two Elvish words is a part of the conversation between Finrod and Andreth among the Tolkien's work called Athrabeth Finrod ah Andreth (Part 4 of Morgoth's Ring)