2016 Elizabeth

Election Day. It turns out that it can be an extremely nerve-wracking when you're whole life is seemingly on the line. I look at myself in the mirror and my stomach turns. This is democracy, and it's okay if the other guy wins, but I would really like it if we won. I'm trying hard not to think about my previous Election Day traditions. But it's hard, this used to be my favorite day of the year. Not because I'm some supreme patriot or a werido. But it was Henry and my secret day. I don't want to think about him today, it's too hard. And I'm saved from doing so by my ringing phone.

"Yes, Russell?" If it's possible he's more stressed about today than, literally anyone else. This is the fifth time I've spoken to him on the phone in the last twelve hours. He's trying to control everything. What am I wearing? What am I going to say to the press? Are you all set to be at you're polling place on time? Are you coming to the returns party?

"Russell." He stops rambling. "I know what I'm doing, okay?" He sighs.

"I know, Bess. I just need this to all go smoothly." I hear how tired he is now. And I'm silently grateful that I wasn't around for the first term campaign. Because this is exhausting. International politics is like playing chess. It's a quiet and subtle game that requires you to think ten moves ahead. And there isn't anything that's too surprising, especially when you have seventeen intelligence agencies at your disposal. But domestic politics is akin to our favorite game. It's all football. Is hitting each other as hard you can in hopes of reaching your own goal line. Not caring if you hurt someone, as long as they're on the opposite side.

Twenty Eight Years Before He Left – Elizabeth

"Hey! Elizabeth!" I turn to find him jogging to catch up with me. So I stop walking, giving him the chance. He looks good this evening. In his ROTC physical training clothes. It's really a problem, how does anyone look that good? And it's not just now, he always looks so hot.

"Hi!" We exchange smiles. I get butterflies every time he smiles at me. I've never quite felt like this about anyone before. But he's just so handsome. And smart. And funny. And insightful. And compassionate. He's really a dream of a man.

"Where are you off to?" He's always trying to spend time with me.

"I gotta vote." I point at my car and check my watch, making sure I still have time to get there. My discrete math class ran long. It usually does. There are too many people in that class who shouldn't be.

"How about that so do I." he smiles again. Wait is he flirting. I think he's flirting. I feel the flutters.

"Well, I should give you a ride then." I decide to be bold.

"Yes, that would be very economical." I laugh with him at his joke. He gets in the passenger seat and immediately adjusts the radio. He stops when the speakers start playing Frampton.

"I love this song!" I tell him and he smiles big. He starts to sing along. I didn't think I could like Baby, I Love Your Way anymore than I did thirty seconds ago. But hearing the words come softly out of Henry's mouth makes me fall in love with it all over again. Henry is perfect, he is so good. I want this man in my life forever.

…

"Who'd you vote for?" He leans over and asks me as we walk out of our polling place together.

"Secret ballot." I remind him with a smirk.

"That's not usually something a left leaner would say." I like this banter. It's so easy to fall into with him. I don't know if I've ever had a friend like him. Sometimes the thought of him asking me out scares me, because I never want to lose him. It didn't take very long for our friendship to mean the world to me. But he is my best friend. He actually cares about me, in ways that no one has in a long time. He makes sure I eat and that I don't drink too much caffeine. He helps me study and he makes me laugh. I want to be near him all of the time. It might be crazy, but I think he may be my favorite person on this planet.

"You say that like you don't lean left." I raise my eyebrow at him.

"Don't tell the Marine Corps. I need them to pay my tuition" He laughs. It's one of the most beautiful sounds in the world.

"Your secret's safe with me." I lean in close and whisper. I feel his breath on my face and I meet his eyes. It's like he has gravity and I'm pulled to it. Our lips meet for the first time. It shatters my world. This is the best kiss I've ever had. Our lips moving in perfect time with one another. His hands gently wrapped around my waist. It's perfect. Henry is perfect.

"Was our first date voting?" he asks when we pull away. And I give him a big smile.

"I guess." And I grab his face and pull him down for another kiss. It's magical. Henry McCord is going to change my life.

2016 Henry

I catch a glimpse of her on the morning news. She looks stunning. Her banter with the reporters coming naturally as she pulls out all of her charm. I woke up missing her today. Missing her so terribly. I voted absentee, I couldn't bear the thought of standing in line without her today. Every year we went together. I was our secret date day. It's weird, the little things I miss. Like sticking the "I voted" sticker to her shirt. Or going out for breakfast afterwards. Or spending the rest of the day in bed.

Two Years Before He Left – Henry

I get out of the shower and wrap myself in a towel. I walk over to Elizabeth. She's lying in bed, still naked, wrapped in a sheet. It's our twenty-sixth election day. And a big one, one of our closest friends is 270 electoral votes away from becoming the President of the United States. I bend down and give her a kiss. She grabs my head and deepens the kiss.

"Happy twenty-six." She tells me when we pull away.

"Happy twenty-six." I smile at her. We don't tell people about Election Day. It's ours, just ours. We got into the habit of taking the day off once she left the CIA. We take the kids to school. We vote. We go to breakfast. And then we're back in bed. Then we spend the night like true PoliSci nerds, watching returns and filling in graphs.

She pulls me back into bed with her, kissing my neck. And then biting little nips.

"So who'd you vote for?" Same question every year.

"Secret ballot." With the same answer. I smile and lean in for another kiss. I notice her check the clock. We still have time before the kids get home.

2016 Elizabeth

I don't want to go. It's one thing to go to a State Event alone. Those aren't really parties for me, they're work. But this is a party. I don't want to be alone. The cabinet will all be introduced, with their spouses. And then "Secretary of State Elizabeth Adams McCord escorted by absolutely no one". And then there will be conversations with people I don't want to converse with. Drinks with people I don't want to drink with. And when I get home, no one to debrief with. If we win, no one to celebrate with. And if we lose, no one to share the despair. No one to tell me that it's all going to be okay. No one to remind me that it's not my fault. Just me, alone in my house. I'm so tired of being this fucking lonely.

"Ma'am." Blake knocks lightly on my office door before poking his head in. "Russell Jackson is calling. He wants you there…" He trails off when he notices that my hair is half-done and I don't have my shoes on yet.

"You're not ready." I shake my head.

"Sorry." I release my fringe from the clips holding it out of my face and comb through it with my fingers. I take a deep breath and put on my shoes.

"Ready." I look up at Blake and give him a small smile. I gather my strength. I can make it through a party. Maybe it won't be fun, but it won't be terrible.

…

It's not terrible. Or it wasn't. But then Ohio is called. We won. Well, Conrad won. Everyone is cheering and hugging. Like New Year's Eve. But I'm standing here alone. And I miss him, more than I have all day. I want to be at home with my graphs, and my CNN. I want him here to kiss me in celebration. But no, I get a head nod from Conrad while he hugs Lydia. And a wave from Russell, while he dances with Carol. This may very well be the loneliest I've ever felt. I should've brought the kids. I would've felt better, I realize that now. But I don't like trotting them out for political events. They deserve their privacy, no matter what I do for a living.

"Mom!" I turn to see Stevie, all dressed up. I'm stunned to see her here. Though maybe I shouldn't be, she's been working at the White House after-all. She quickly walks towards me and gives me a hug.

"I didn't want you to be alone. Congratulations, mom." She says.

"Thanks, little one." I hug my little girl again, wondering when she got so big. And so mature. The rest of the night is a party. He gives his speech, and I drink. I hang out with my daughter, who is so grown all of the sudden.

2016 Henry

He won. They called Ohio a little after midnight. I didn't wait up. Conrad Dalton will get his second term. Which is fine, it wasn't him I was concerned about. It was Elizabeth. I catch a glimpse of her when the camera passes. She looks relieved, I wouldn't call it happy. I know that campaign had to have been exhausting for all of them the last few months. And it got really mean for a while, people throwing insults and the divorce becoming a topic of conversation. In order to question her character and by extension Conrad's. So, I grab my phone.

Henry: Congratulations! I know everyone on the team worked hard for the second term!

It takes her forty-five minutes to respond. She must've had a late night. Or she didn't know what to say.

Elizabeth: Thanks!

One word. It's more than I deserve, but it hurts anyway. I think that's my life now. Hurting without her. But maybe not. I'll just keep getting up in the morning and trying to live my life as best I can. And maybe one day I won't hurt anymore. But today is not that day. And I don't think tomorrow will be either. But at least I made it through Election day.