2017 Elizabeth
"You know how sexy it is to hear a woman talk about drones." My stomach drops. But I laugh it off. I raise my hands and take a step back, creating distance between us. I've been here before. Every woman has been here. Men like him never go away. No matter how far I climb up the ladder, men like him always find me.
"Well, I think if we can… Generally agree on the kind and amount of military reinforcements-" Back to business, ignore the comment. Get your stuff. Get out.
"you're interested in, then I think we can resume these-" His hand is on my butt. I whip around and push him back.
"What do you think you're doing?" I use my CIA voice. The one I reserve for literal terrorists. He smiles, and his hands go up in surrender. But, I feel his mood shift. Get out, Elizabeth. I step around the chair not daring to turn my back again. He lunges forward, and grabs my arms. He throws me back against the wall. My head hits the wall hard, and I get dizzy. My breath leaves my body. He pins me to the wall with his body one of his legs between mine and his arms holding my wrists above my head. I pull on my arms trying to dislodge his grip. But I have no momentum, and he's strong.
"Get off of me!" I don't recognize my voice, but I hear the fear and desperation in it. He's kissing my neck and his body is pressed against mine. I'm frozen, and my brain's not working. I need to get out of here. I can't push him off, I don't have any leverage. And then the light shines through my memory. I'm not alone.
"Matt! Frank! Help me!" I scream for my detail. I'm rewarded with another hit to the head. But Matt heard me, I can hear the scuffle outside of the office door. My DS agents are arguing with Andrada's security team. DS wins. Matt and Frank bust through the door, their weapons drawn. Within ten seconds Andrada is pulled off of me and Matt has his arm around me leading me out of the room. But, I nearly fall. I'm so dizzy and my heels are too high.
"Ma'am I'm going to pick you up." I feel myself nod. I'm so tired. And nauseous. And dizzy. I feel Matt's arm come under my knees. I wrap my arms around his neck while he carries me out of Malacañang Palace. I feel my eyes close.
"No ma'am, I need you to stay awake. You hit your head pretty hard." I'm trying to stay awake, but it's so hard.
"Elizabeth stay awake." First name, not good. But I can't open my eyes. Too dizzy, too tired.
…
Something's beeping. It's steady and annoying. My head's killing me. Hell, my whole body is sore. Jesus. WHAT. IS THAT. BEEPING. Turn it off. Please turn it off.
"Henry? Make it stop." Henry can help. He always helps.
"Make what stop, ma'am?" I hear Blake say. I turn my head in the direction of his voice and force my eyes to open. He looks pale and worried. I don't know why. But then, I remember.
"Blake." I try to give him I smile, I don't think I do. Because he doesn't look any less worried.
"Are we still in the Philippines?" I don't want to be here anymore. I want to go home.
"Yes, ma'am. We'll be leaving as soon as the doctor says you can." I nod. I take a breath as my mind starts working in overdrive. I have so many things to take care of. This is a mess, it's going to be a mess. Oh, God. How many people know what happened? I take another breath, in for four, hold for four, out for four. Dr. Sherman would be proud. Stop the spiral. Make a list. Ask easy questions. Start with the President.
"Was the President informed of what happened?"
"Yes ma'am." Okay, good. What's next?
"Is it on the news?"
"No ma'am." Thank God. That would be humiliating. Now, the kids. And Henry. God, I want Henry.
"Can you make a phone call for me, please?"
2017 Henry
It's three in the morning when my phone rings. That doesn't happen much anymore. Somethings wrong. I check the caller ID. Blake Moran. My heart speeds up and so does my breath. Something is wrong with Elizabeth.
"Blake? What's wrong?" I sound frantic. I know I do.
"Dr. McCord, the Secretary asked that I give you a call."
"Is she okay?"
"There was an incident in the Philippines. I can't get into the specifics. But The Secretary sustained a severe concussion. She is going to be fine, and we can fly home today. She doesn't want the kids to be surprised, should it land on the news." I swallow the lump that's lodged on my throat. A severe concussion. She's hurt. She's hurt and alone in a foreign country.
"Okay, can I um… Can I do anything?" I ask, knowing the answer. I can't do anything. I can't fly to the Philippines to get her. I can't meet her at Andrews. I can't wait for her at home.
"She just asks that you take care of the kids." I nod, knowing he can't see me through the phone.
"Tell her I got it. And that I hope she feels better soon." It's not everything I want to tell her. I want to tell her that I'm worried about her. And that I love her. I want to tell her if she needs anything at all to call me. Even if it's just to talk. But no, I just have to stay here. I feel useless.
2017 Elizabeth
There's no welcoming committee. The house is empty, I can tell. It makes sense. I told Henry to take the Ally and Jase. Well I told Blake to tell Henry to take them. And Stevie's with Jareth. Maybe it's for the best, being alone. I need to shower. And I don't want to talk to anyone about this. My skin is crawling. My head is killing me. Maybe being alone tonight is good. I have three missed calls from Henry. I know he's worried, but I don't have the energy to talk to him tonight. Because I don't have the energy to ignore my need for him either. And I can't go crawling back to him because of this. I need to learn how to handle things alone. Don't spiral. Make a list. Step one, take a shower.
The water is so hot, it's prickling my skin. But somehow I want it hotter. I'm need to get him off of me. I scrub at my skin. It's not helping. I can still feel him. I can smell him. I want to cry. But I can't. The tears just won't come. The last time I was like this was after Iran. But back then, I had Henry.
One Year Before He Left – Elizabeth
"Henry, what have I done to our sweet children?" I turn around and finally let myself fall into his arms. I don't think he realizes that I've been waiting for this too. I just couldn't make myself feel anything. But now, the floodgates are wide open. One sob forces its way out, and they just keep coming.
"It's alright, Elizabeth. Let it out baby. I'm here." I can barely hear him. I squeeze him tighter. The tears don't stop. It feels like they might never stop.
"I love you." He whispers into my ear. The crying doesn't stop.
"Cry as long as you need to. I'm not going anywhere." I'm always astonished at how well he knows me. I love him so much. And he loves me. I can't believe I almost left him alone. The sobs come harder. I didn't know they could.
…
I startle awake. I push away however is holding me. And-
"It's okay." Henry. I look around and get my bearings. I'm on my couch. On my couch still in my husband's arms. I look at him. He smiles at me.
"Can we go to bed?" I'm still so tired. It's not surprising, I haven't been sleeping. I'm finally crashing.
"Yeah." He kisses my temple and I climb off of him. I extend my hand to help him up. We walk upstairs hand in hand. And once in bed he holds, me. I'm safe here, in his arms. I always have been and always will be.
2017 Elizabeth
It's been four days and we've exhausted our options. Our agreement is up in the air. None of the women feel like they can talk. So now, I'm sitting in the Oval with The President, Russell, and Nadine.
"Ma'am, um." Nadine sounds unsure but continues, "If I may, your reputation is above reproach. And-"
"You think I should come forward, with what happened to me." I cut her off and Nadine looks like she regrets asking, but she has a point. I look over at Russell who is looking at the floor. And Conrad, who is looking at me but avoiding my eyes. We need to save our Defense Cooperation Agreement. And then, if it's possible I want to save my Singapore Interchange. I worked so hard on it. It's a deal I believe in. And one that I intend to see through.
"Okay." I don't elaborate, I don't need to. Russell looks at me shocked. And Conrad's eyebrow pops up.
"Are you sure, Bess?" Conrad sounds unsure and worried. But I'm not. I will tell the world what Andrada did to me. He won't get away with it. Not with what he did to me. And not with what he did to the other women.
"Yes, we'll do it tomorrow. I just need to tell my kids first. I just have one request. I write the speech. I won't be taking edits." Russell shakes his head almost on instinct, but Conrad raises his hand to stop him from saying anything.
"You got it, Bess." I thank him. I exit the Oval. Breathe, Bess. Make a list. One, kids. Two, speech. Three, press conference.
2017 Henry
I cancel my class to watch her press conference. She never called me back. I understand why. I'm not the person she comes to anymore. The only thing we ever talk about is our children. I know what happened. Jason called me last night. He was so upset. I went to her place and picked him up. I calmed him down and talked to him about how temper his reactions. I explained to him, that the worst thing you can do when a woman you love it hurt, is react violently. I wish I could be there for her. I want to help her. But I ruined it, and she's doing this alone.
I look at her, trying to evaluate how's she's actually doing. I can notice things about her that no one else can. She's dressed more modestly than she usually is. A turtleneck and a blazer. Pants not a skirt. Booties instead of pumps. She's wearing her glasses. She's hiding. Her thumb is steadily drumming on the podium. She's keeping time, preventing herself from speaking to fast. She doesn't shy away with her language. She tells the world what happened, in detail. She tells women that they are not alone. She reads off the stats. She gets stronger as the speech goes on, her thumb stops drumming. I can't help but to feel so proud of her. Her strength is nothing short of amazing. Elizabeth knows how to pick herself up and dust herself off better than anyone I know. Today, she taught our daughters exactly what you should do if someone hurts you. And while, I wish more than anything I could get in a F-18 and drop a bomb right on Andrada, what she's doing is much more effective. I cant help myself. I call one more time. Her personal phone, so Blake won't answer for her.
"It's Elizabeth. Leave a message."
"I'm so proud of you. Your speech was amazing! Please take care of yourself, though. Okay? I love you."
"To delete this message, press 3." I do. I don't call again. She doesn't need it.