Used to Be Mine
I've made a lot of choices that got me here. I was a good lawyer. I was happy there. It would have been simple enough to settle for that. But, settled. That's the word that's the problem. Settling's never been in my nature. So, I'd tried to gain powerful allies and started playing the field with the Royal family, starting with Sean. I'd always been a fantastic manipulator. It was part of what had made me such a good lawyer. And using that talent for a career had quelled my natural desire for vengeance. But, it had put a target on my back and brought me into the middle of something that quickly became more than I'd bargained for. And I wasn't the only one who had learned to play ruthlessly. Still, I was confident I could handle it. And I had won. Perhaps I should have left it there, but I had never been one to settle. Ever since I was little, my mother had drilled into me that weakness was inexcusable and we went after what we wanted with vengeance. So that's exactly what I did. Until that day when it turned against me and the Grimm took all my power away from me. I had lost myself; the notion completely inconceivable to me until it had already happened. Yet, there was a part of me that couldn't deny it was nice. There was a simplicity in the chance to be normal. A chance to start over. But I couldn't take it. It just wasn't me. It was the embodiment of the weakness I'd been taught never to be.
And weakness was not something I could afford once I became pregnant, with a Royal baby no less. I had to be able to protect my baby. And be a better mother to her than mine ever had been. Suddenly, that was all I wanted. To be a good mother. To teach her that, yes, we had power and every right to exercise it to our full extent. But, I'd learned a lesson my mother never did: that there was a time and place. I'd learned that in going after Juliette. Sure, I'd been angry and I certainly had a right to be. And it was a perfectly executed play, if I do say so myself. But, still, even I can admit it may have been a tad excessive. And it'd only put another target on my back while nearly burning a bridge I now needed. Yes, sheer force made a statement; but in the end, it'll leave you alone and always looking over your shoulder. That wasn't the life I wanted for my daughter.
If my mother could see me now. Trying to help a Grimm, one who had killed her, no less; and, pregnant with his baby. I'd never hear the end of it. Some days I'm not quite sure how I got here, myself, when I think back to that pretty little powerhouse of a lawyer. I do miss her some days. But, while a lot of things could have gone easier or different, they had been of my choosing. And those choices had led me to finding my own way in the world. Which meant doing the best I could for my children. And that meant finding someone who'd be strong enough to keep them safe and stand by my side. Someone who could teach them that there was more to life than vengeance; that being kind held its own special type of power and wasn't weakness. Together, we'd get my children back and that could be a beautiful reality. Damn if it'd been less than a conventional path.
"And now I've got you. And you're not what I asked for. If I'm honest, I know I would give it all back for a chance to start over and rewrite and ending or two for the girl that I knew." - She Used to Be Mine by Sara Bareillis